<Location Unknown. Probably the North Pole, or deep underneath the Earth>
Everything is black! A faint light in front of me informs me that I'm not actually blind, just trapped in a strange room of darkness and death and destruction and debauchery and delinquents and
"We humans live alongside Pokemon, at times as friendly playmates, and at times as cooperative workmates. And sometimes, we band together and battle others like us."
...where did that voice come from. :I
A strange smoothie that appears to be orange-mango levitates in front of my eyes. I grab it greedily and begin making obnoxious slurping noises.
slllllrrrrrrrrrrrp
But wait! Pokemon! I know what those are! I must indeed still be on my own planet. Though, where?
"To unravel Pokemon mysteries, I've been undertaking research."
Shit I'm trapped in some mad scientist's lair and he's going to use me as a test subject for his strange genetic mutation experiments and I'm going to turn out like Billfairy and fuck oh fuck oh man I'm screwed what am I going to do what if I never see my parents again what if
SILENCE.
Oh, of course, demonic voice. My apologies.
"You have been chosen."
For your mutation experiment? I know. I already freaked out about that.
"To travel the world. To see all there is to see!"
Well that's certainly not what I've been expecting to hear.
Suddenly the faint light source encompasses the room. I cringe at the intense change in scenery. Shapes start to filter in, as does color. Faint trees are visible in the distance, but then are usurped by brown cardboard figures and a metallic floor.
"Your very own adventure is about to unfold."
AND HERE I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED DRINKING MY SMOOTHIE.
--
My eyes open. The cardboard boxes are still there. The floor is still metallic and remains cold despite my attempts to warm it via my body heat. A strange rumbling noise pierces the air and makes it impossible to think.
But then it stops! Delightful!
A wide door that I hadn't even noticed before rolls up, casting more light into the room. A woman, probably my kidnapper, smiles at me.
"Oh, Rory! It must be tiring riding with our things in the moving truck!"
...or not. What the crap is going on here? This woman knows my name and this unsettles me.
She yanks me out ungracefully. "Come on, sweetie! Let's go inside."
She opens the door normally, confirming that she is either not a ghost or will not be revealing her powers / using them on me. Most excellent.
Some weird shindig goes down where I set the wall clock in my room and this pleases her. It doesn't, however, please me. My watch says it's 8:30 at night and yet it is still quite sunny outside. This does not bode well. I am one cranky person without my beauty rest.
I look around my room next, after she's gone downstairs. Some weird spray-can drops out of a machine next to my computer after I press a glowing blue button on the keyboard. Whatever. I pick it up anyway, hoping to vandalize some houses before I escape this strange place I've been taken to.
A Nintendo Gamecube sits on the floor, confirming that this is, in fact, the same world I normally exist in and that I have no need to fear further people I meet as being strange ghosts or demons.
...it's using a Gameboy Advance as the controller. #hardcorevintageswag
I go downstairs, where the woman is intently watching television. She flails about wildly and then calls me over, saying something about my father? I don't know who my father has been sleeping around with, but I sincerely hope it is not this woman.
"Oh. Nevermind.
It's over."
Right. Whatever. I'm going out now.
Spray-can in hand, I head over to the house that's the same size as the one I've been contained in. I knock on the door to see if anyone's home before I go about being a vandal, but unfortunately a kindly looking lady opens the door wide and practically drags me into her home.
If I wasn't so sure that the people here weren't actually demons I might've pissed myself.
"Our daughter is upstairs! You should meet her!"
...a girl? My age, you say? She takes more after her father than you? :naughty:
I head upstairs, prepared to meet my girlfriend-to-be, only to find her absorbed in her computer.
"Oh, you're Rory?"
God dammit. Demons? No. Psychics? Yes.
She blushes and rants on and on and on and on about becoming friends with every Pokemon in the world, leading me to believe that she is just a crazy hippie who probably thinks Pokemon are figments of her LSD-induced trip and that I should never be friends with her.
This is becoming a running theme.
She calls herself May, which is nice because it was going to get confusing differentiating between the three crazy women I've encountered already. Then she jumps in the air and tells me that all the LSD she's done has made her forget to do her chores which, from what I've gathered, involve "studying Pokemon" (read: doing drugs) with her father.
So she leaves, and then I get the whole bedroom to myself.
Her clock verifies that it is indeed almost nine at night with no sign of a setting sun. I whine to myself quite a bit and feel bad and pout and stuff.
Upon going downstairs I find May's mother-figure lying comatose on the couch, so I just leave. This place sucks.
Someone's screaming across the grass and I'd rather watch someone get beat up / eaten alive than deal with the other shenanigans that are surely abounds in this town so I go over to where they are.
Only to discover *GASP* that it's the same man that featured in a picture on May's wall! This must be her father! He's being eaten by some weird dog that probably has rabies and I'm about to turn around so I don't have to watch but he unfortunately spots me and cries for assistance. :(
"In my bag! Take my balls!"
No thank you, good sir. :I
And then of course it dawns on me that he means Pokeballs and that I could get one of this land's strange Pokemon that are hopefully not more ugly than the ones back in my homeland of Kanto.
Also I realize that my spray-can is just a Potion. Boo. Vandalism foiled.
In my haste to help the victimized professor, I knock the bag over and some weird blue mudfish comes sprawling out. Delightful.
The blue blur obviously has been sneaking into my house and playing silly Sonic the Hedgehog games on my Gamecube because it just randomly curls into a ball and throws itself at the dog until it runs away.
I think the mudfish is a little mentally unstable due to the lack of water around?
Anyway, Birch invites me back to his lab. Having met his daughter, I'm not surprised he's not even trying to hide the fact that he runs a meth lab.
...wait, what? It's a Pokemon research lab? You damn liars. After making a silly joke about hearing that I like Mudkips, he entrusts the defective fish to me if only because he knows I don't have the heart to abandon it on the side of the road. I name it Wotadile because it's like a pun on "what a dial" and I wish I had a radio or something. I dunno, I'm not very creative with naming things.
And then he sends me on an errand to fetch his daughter whom he probably saw heading his way but decided not to stop because he was being attacked by a dog? Seriously I don't understand this place at all.
I feel like there are leaden weights around my ankles because walking is such a terribly slow activity but my stylin' sandals prevent me from running successfully. Oops.
I find May shortly after being accosted by a man who tries to teach me about homeopathic healing, and then gives me another Potion. Okay??? Speaking of herbal remedies, it looks like May has, in her dope state of mind, has befriended a gecko and is trying to get it to pound my mudfish? Wotadile isn't going to have any of that shit.
She runs home crying about how I beat her up but her mother is still comatose on the couch so it doesn't matter much. It appears the professor is no feminist either, for he gives me a PokeDex as a reward.
And then I get sent on more errands! Fuck yeah!
The weird lady who my dad appears to have formed a sexual bond with is waiting outside her house when I walk by. She hates my sandals, so she gives me an actual pair of shoes. Thanks, not-demon!
*Rory has been given the ability Quick Feet! To simulate status, he is now going to be the butt of all jokes. BURN.*
What the fuck is it with this place and detached, soul-less voices? And what did it mean by me being burned? Ugh.
I run around avoiding as many people as I can since this is clearly the best plan of action. Upon arriving at the newest town, Petalburg, I wonder if maybe I'm the one on LSD and playing too much Gamecube--wasn't this from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door?!?!
Whatever. A man who claims to be my father but definitely isn't (well, this is good news at least because it means dad isn't sleeping with that weird demon-bimbo back in Littleroot) sends me to be the guardian of some runt named Wall-E while he catches some alien. He does so, and probably names it Mo and then blasts off into space using a fire extinguisher to fight evil cruise ships.
More people-dodging. I refuse to be social. Ever.
I traipse through the woods because they're eerie and that always seems to be where the awesome shit happens. Especially if I'm high, which I can almost guarantee after seeing some weird mushrooms come to life. Psychedelic, man.
As long as Little Red Riding Hood and her mean old wolf don't hunt me in the forest then I'm content to just chill here.
But then my chilling is interrupted by some weird man looking for those shrooms I found earlier. I don't blame him though. However, before I can point him in the right direction we both suddenly find ourselves in the presence of a man in a bright red suit.
Apparently, from what little I gather from the thinly veiled threats towards both of us, the red-suit has his eye on that other guy's "package" and introduces himself as a member of Team Flaming. I mean Magma. Same/diff.
I beat up his puppy (possibly the same one that attacked Birch!?) and remind him that perhaps it would be best if they went on a date first before he makes a grab for the other man's package.
Then they both run away towards the town ahead, and I decide (foolishly) to follow.
"If you take Bug Pokemon to school, you'll be instantly popular!" ...says the loser all alone in the woods. Go away, freak. :( His Nincada counts as part-Ground-type, so Wotadile nets a necessary solo.
I reach the exit! Sunlight beams down on my face! I get the feeling that I wasn't actually high at all and that the forest just has that chill sort of vibe to it. Nice one.
I pick up Bullet Seed for some reason. I don't think any of my eventual team can learn it...
Rustboro is boring. Let's explore somewhere else first.
On Route 116 I make two additions to my team! First is the fantastic College, my Whismur and then Flip, the Nincada. They're both females. Wotadile is a total pimp. College witnesses (via Wotadile) the use of an opposing Whismur's Uproar, granting her the use of that move.
Grinding time! I head back to fight all the trainers I dodged earlier to give levels to Flip and College. Why? Because they're going to be totally useless against Roxanne and throughout pretty much the entirety of Dewford (the Cave, anyway).
Route 116 also gains Wotadile a Fighting-type solo (a Youngster's Machop) and his additional four Ground-type solos (a Bug Catcher's Nincada / a Hiker with three Geodude).
I'm bored of grinding, so I may as well take on Roxanne now. Okay! Wotadile, let's go!
Versus Roxanne!!
Three Mud-Slaps take down her Geodude thanks to a crit. What a delightful prospect. As a side note, this is my first crit in the entire game. Jeez.
Next is her Nosepass, which will probably take more than seven Mud-Slaps to take down, thanks to her two Potions. Great. Ugh. I get three off and bring it to 50% and -3 accuracy while it buffs up to +3 defense.
At this point I switch to College so I can spam Uproar. She takes a strong Rock Throw on the turn I switch her in, but haxxes Nosepass like a total pro and dodges Tackles and Rock Throws for eight turns before getting stopped in her tracks.
Right now Roxanne has used one of her Potions and her Nosepass is at about 75%, which is okay. In comes Flip to do some more damage.
Three turns of Sand-Attack later and Nosepass is practically blind, at -6 accuracy, but is also buffed up at +4 defense. Leech Life then does pathetic damage, so I switch back to Wotadile.
I use Growl now to completely neuter Nosepass. At -1 he hits with a Rock Throw for a small eight damage, and at -3 he can only do two damage to me with Tackle, so I know I can outstall.
Through use of Mud-Slap spam and dodging attacks, along with a Leppa Berry to counter Roxanne's second Potion, Nosepass is taken down through a lengthy but pretty easy process! I gain the Stone Badge and TM39, which is Rock Tomb.
Now, I'm left at a critical decision. The only other Pokemon on my team who could learn Rock Tomb would be Luna, but she can't use Physical moves except for Rock Slide and Shadow Ball. So, though I hate to do it, I replace Water Gun with Rock Tomb so that I'm not tempted to break the restriction and use STAB Water Gun, and also to give Wotadile another coverage move.
When I leave the Gym, I see the man I saw in the Woods pursuing the man who was once pursuing him, yelling something about stolen "goods!" This is one scandalous town!
--CHAPTER END!--
My Team:
Wotadile, the Male Mudkip.
Level 14, Rash Nature. Torrent.
@Quick Claw
-Tackle
-Growl
-Mud-Slap
-Rock Tomb
Solos:
5/5 Ground (Complete)
1/5 Fighting
0/5 Grass
0/5 Water
0/5 Steel
Wallace (INCOMPLETE)
Wotadile is a force to be reckoned with right now. He outlevels his two companions by quite a bit, which puts him at an obvious advantage. I did a check on his IVs and they appear to be absolutely shit, which is just great, I guess. :I He's still a powerful contender and I'd be hard-pressed to ever see him become my LVP.
Flip, the Female Nincada.
Level 11, Lonely Nature. Compoundeyes.
No item.
-Scratch
-Harden
-Leech Life
-Sand-Attack
Solos:
Brawly (INCOMPLETE)
Sidney (INCOMPLETE)
Flip ranks slightly ahead of College in the current standings. Unfortunately, training for Brawly will be quite tough in the path ahead. I hope I can handle it!
College, the Female Whismur.
Level 11, Quirky Nature. Soundproof.
No item.
-Pound (unusable)
-Uproar
Solos:
Flannery (INCOMPLETE)
Glacia (INCOMPLETE)
College's current position as LVP is a contested spot. She's much stronger and easier to level than Flip is, but her limited movepool leaves a lot to be desired. Hopefully I'll encounter a Whismur that uses Pound next chapter so that I can have two moves instead of one.