Alright, I’ve got all my healing items, TMs and in-battle items ready. I’ve got my team all together, levelled to 55 and fully healed. I’ve saved my game. I’ve gone to the bathroom. Yup, I’m all set. It’s time.
*Steps through the point of no return*
*TheRainbow goes berserk at the sight of Lorelei*
Yeah yeah, sure you can fight her... Jeeze.
*The Rainbow faces off against Lorelei’s Dewgong*
Alright, just to make sure this goes smoothly...
*X-Special is used on TheRainbow, but Dewgong’s Aurora Beam crits*
... Ouch, that was a spot of bad luck. I had better hope that TheRainbow can OHKO everything now... Well only one way to find out. Thunderbolt!
*not even close. It uses Rest to heal back to full health though*
Wow, you could’ve slowly pounded TheRainbow into the ground, and instead you give me an invitation to boost some more? Damn Lorelei, that’s awfully considerate of you!
*Two more X-Specials later it wakes up*
Oh yes. Now we’re cooking with petrol!
*Thunderbolt cleanly OHKOs*
Looks like this is going to turn out to be a shocking victory! *is shot*
*Cloyster is turned into chowder*
Yup this is going to be easy now.
*Slowbro is OHKO’d*
Ah the smell of sizzling slowbro tail... Jynx next.
Jeeze, is it just me or does Jynx look like it just ate a super-sour gumball?
*Jynx is easily OHKO’d by Slash*
Just Lapras left and I don’t think it stands much of a chance against TheRainbow at +3.
*Lapras narrowly avoids the OHKO even at +3... Lorelei uses a Super Potion the same turn*
... Cheating computer bastard. Oh well, it won’t be preventing a 2HKO anyway. Why an Elite Four member would only have a Super Potion is beyond me though... it don’t think it even recovered a quarter of Lapras’ health.
*Lapras is finished, and my victory secured!*
Well that’s all well and good but I’m a bit perturbed by the fact that at +3 I didn’t OHKO everything... Blue is going to be frightening.
Anyway, Bruno is up next.
The poor man appears to suffer from the same blinding condition as Brock as well as chronic swelling of the hands and feet. I feel almost bad for taking this poor cripple down.
*Bud leads against his Onix*
*snort* Actually if he’s going to use stuff like that I can’t really feel sorry for him.
*Onix is reduced to dust*
Hmmm Hitmonchan is up next, and it is almost certainly equipped with the elemental punches. Thankfully, it has an insanely laughable special stat of 35. I think I’ll be alright keeping Bud in for this one.
*Razor Leaf is an easy OHKO on the specially challenged boxer*
Hitmonlee is not much of a different story, but I’ll let Screentime have some glory here.
*Fly misses and Screentime is nearly OHKO’d by a critical Hi Jump Kick*
... Hax!!!!
*Hitmonlee gets an X-Defend used on it while Screentime is in the air, preventing Fly from OHKOing while Jump Kick finishes Screentime off*
.... Ok, that was complete and utter bullshit.
*Bud comes out and cleans up, also obliterating his other Onix*
Seriously, what idiot puts two Onix on their team?
*Machamp is out next, Bud is poised to... oh god*
Seriously, why does the entire Machop line look like they were born with horrific genetic defects????
Anyway, a little shut-eye should ensure victory.
*Sleep Powder works, lulling the poor afflicted brute into a merciful slumber*
Alright, time to cut this ugly son of a bitch up!
*Razor Leaf 2HKOs*
Alright two down three to go! And sorry you got your glory stolen yet again Screentime... it seems the Pokegods just hate your guts.
Anyway, Agatha should be easy. I doubt any of the gravestones in here will be left standing once Shout is through though.
And jeeze lady, put away your angry lady rage boner for Oak already and let’s just get this over with.
*Shout faces off against Agatha’s Gengar*
I’m thinking Shout might get outsped, but with no real Ghost type attacks in Generation I I’m not too worried about this.
*Shout goes first actually and easily OHKOs with Earthquake*
Well, I guess that’s a good sign of how the rest of the battle is going to go. You make me wanna desecrate some graaaves! (why are they here in the first plaaaace?)
*Next up is Golbat*
... Hmm, Golbat huh? Yah know, I don’t want Shout getting mucked up by confusion and stuff, so I’m going to hand this one over to TheRainbow. Now let’s see... Thunderbolt or Slash? Ah screw it, I wanna cut a bitch.
*Slash is a clean 2HKO, and Golbat’s critical Wing Attack is a 4HKO*
This is why Golbat is fail.
*Haunter is up next, Shout comes back out*
Yeah, no worries here that’s for sure.
*More graves overturned, another restless spirit quelled*
You make me wanna question why Gamefreak thought Ghost was a viable type in generation ooooooone!
*Arbok is as easily KO’d as the last ones are*
You make me wanna praise the gods for the lack of abilities in Generation I because otherwise this battle would suuuuuck!
*Her final Gengar outspeeds and confuses Shout with Confuse Ray, causing him to hurt himself*
Oh bullshit. Well I don’t think it can do much else to me anyway so I’m just going to keep trying.
*Gengar’s Toxic fails since Shout is a poison type, while Shout snaps out of Confusion and obliterates Gengar*
Yeah, Generation I was not kind to Agatha’s team. You make me wanna pity this poor old lady!
Alright, Lance is up next. It’s time to equip Random with my SUPER SECRET WEAPON (that I’ve totally already talked about).
*Random learned Blizzard over Body Slam!*
Alright, let’s get this party started!
*After a long, automated trek down the most pointless hallway in gaming history*
Alright, Lance... Bring it on!
I’ll wipe that smug smirk off your face...
*Lance’s Gyarados faces off against the ever versatile TheRainbow*
This would usually be a favourable match up for you. Unfortunately for you though, this is no ordinary Persian.
*Thunderbolt brings it to the red, but Lance cheats with a Hyper Potion the same turn to fully recover it*
..... You’re all cheating bastards you know that right?
*It survives again at the same amount, but this time uses Hyper Beam to take out around half TheRainbow’s health*
Well, that was a mistake my friend! Prepare to face the consequences!
*TheRainbow cuts a bitch*
Alright, Dragonair next. I’ve got just the thing...
*Blizzard misses*
... and that wasn’t it. Goddamit, it’s got 90% accuracy in generation I and still manages to fuck up. At least all that dead eyed Dragonair did in return was use agility.
Dragonair should not look that creepy.
*Random eats a critical Hyper Beam but connects with Blizzard, OHKOing it*
I had better not miss again, I’m not sure Random can take another hit like that... Well his second Dragonair should go down without a hitch.
*Blizzard OHKOs*
Alright, two more...
*Aerodactyl confuses Random causing him to hit himself in confusion*
... goddamn this shit. Alright, one Full Restore coming right up!
*Random loses half his health to a critical Take Down*
Goddamn it, have I been hit with an attack that WASN’T a crit this entire match yet? *sigh* alright, let’s try Surf again.
*Aerodactyl’s Bite crits, AND Random hits himself in his confusion again*
... This is such complete bullshit.
*Another Max Potion and a failed Supersonic later*
Alright, one more go at this. Let’s try NOT hitting yourself this time, ok Random?
*Yeah not happening. And Take Down crits again btw.*
This. Is. So. Fucking. HAXY!
*Random FINALLY snaps out of his confusion and OHKOs Aerodactyl with Surf, but not before being reduced to half health again by another critical Bite*
Seriously, even at base 130 speed he should be only critting 30% of the time. I’ve only been hit by one attack that wasn’t a critical hit this entire match! This is such bullshit... Blizzard had better not miss his Dragonite or I might just go on a murder spree.
*It thankfully does not. In fact, it gets a pointless crit*
Well, I guess you could say that Random put his Dragonite *puts on sunglasses* on ice!
Everyone everywhere: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”
Aw cmon!
And so Lance tells me I’m a Pokemon Master and the Champion! And then he’s all like PSYCHE! Ha ha I got you, Blue actually is the champion. He beat us all first with his insufferable douchieness, and some of it rubbed off on me. Sorry, but you’ll have to kick his ass first if you wanna be the very best that ever was.
And so I promptly murder Lance’s douchey ass and proceed on to my final challenge.
Blue: “... And now I’m the Pokemon League Champion! Jimera! Do you know what that means? I’ll tell you! I am the most powerful trainer in the world!”
Errr... what about the champions in the other parts in the world? Do they not count? Oh whatever, let’s just get this over with.
TO THE TUNE OF AWESOME 8 BIT MUSIC!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHjciyJZIiA
*Random faces off against his Pidgeot*
As per requirement, Random must kick your Pidgeot’s sorry ass. I hope you got room in your freezer for some frozen turkey, because you’re going to need somewhere to store your newly frozen bird.
*Blizzard OHKOs with another pointless crit*
Alright who’s next? Alakazam? How convenient! That’s the other one Random needs to smash up! Time to ride the wave motherfucker!
*Alakazam hilariously uses Recover even though it outspeeds, wasting a turn. Surf is a 3HKO though*
Hmmm this could be an issue... but thankfully I came prepared.
*An X-Special is used on Random to ensure a KO, as well as allowing Random to soak up a Psybeam like it was a wet sponge thrown at him*
Oh Generation I X-Special I do love you so. Boosting defense and offense at the same time! So cheap. So useful.
*Surf leaves Alakazam with a tiny sliver of health left, which the cheating bastard heals up with a Full Restore before the turn is even out*
..... Seriously, why does everyone cheat but me in this damn game??
Blue: “What about that Rage bug you abused???”
... nevermind.
*Surf is now a clean 2HKO, and Alakazam uses Reflect uselessly*
Well, that about wraps this up.
*Reflect does not protect against drowning*
Anyway, Rhydon is up next. Now it’s TheRainbow’s turn again!
*Bubblebeam OHKOs with ease*
FEAR THE SUPER BUBBLES! Alright, now the next ones won’t be so easy... Exeggutor is no joke. Thankfully, TheRainbow comes pre-equipped with hedge trimmers.
*Slash is a shaky 2HKO, but thankfully Exeggutor misses with Hypnosis*
Whew, that’s one bullet dodged. Let’s finish this shall we?
*Slash misses out on the KO by a hair, but Exeggutors Barrage attack is laughably weak even though it got a critical hit*
Wait what? That’s the best you’ve got? What about, I dunno, Psychic or something that doesn’t have shitty BP and run off your terrible attack stat? No? Well, fine by me!
*One more Slash finishes the job*
Alright, just one more to go for TheRainbow... another Gyarados. You’d think they’d learn eh?
*Suddenly a miracle occurs. Even though TheRainbow doesn’t crit, Thunderbolt paralyzes Gyarados and leaves it unable to move that turn*
Oh damn, now that is lucky! I was worried he might actually KO TheRainbow if he hit with an attack. No threat of that now though!
*One more Thunderbolt puts the serpent down for good*
Alright... now for the final showdown, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Screentime versus Charizard, for the win and the most epic end to this scramble I could imagine! Let’s do this!
*Screentime is nailed by a critical Fire Blast and instantly OHKO’d*
.....................
*one Max Revive and a switch in later, Screentime is trapped by Fire Spin but thankfully in good health*
Alright, let’s not have that happen again eh? I’ll wait this out and then...
*After it ends, Slash takes Screentime down to a third of his health as he flies into the air*
This is not looking good.
*This allows Screentime to dodge a Fire Spin, but deprives him of the opportunity to use Slash*
Yeah I’m really just holding out for Rage here.
*A Max Potion gets used to hopefully ensure Screentime’s survival of the next attack, which ends up being Fire Spin*
Oh joy...
*After the onslaught of Fire Spins subsides, Screentime eats another Slash that takes him back to low yellow before taking Flight*
This REALLY is not looking very good.
*Screentime dodges another Slash, but being slower than Charizard is in no condition to risk fainting first*
*sigh* guess I’ll use another potion.
*Fire Blast crits and OHKOs again*
.... Oh, fuck me and my horrible luck.
*Another Max Revive gets used while Charizard finally flies into an impotent rage!*
OH THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY! I can finally win this! God did I ever have to cheese the crap out of this fight... Activate win condition in three
*Screentime is switched back in*
Two
*Screentime eats another weak Rage before taking flight.*
One
*Rage misses, Fly brings Charizard down to the red*
Actually, I’m not even going to see the bug at work here am I. I can probably finish him off with Quick attack...
*Yup*
Well that was... epic I guess? If cheesing it with a half dozen items is “epic”. Blue proceeds to say it isn’t “fair” and I’d be inclined to agree if it weren’t for the fact I would have been able to waste his Charizard’s ass with Random anyway if it weren’t for restrictions. So yeah, if you were looking for “fair” Blue, you were looking in the wrong place.
And here’s Oak, babbling on about trust and love and all that other gushy bullshit before he takes me down to have my team recorded in the Hall of Fame! Well, I guess I’ve finally done it. I’ve conquered Blue version for the first time, over a decade and a half since it was first released! Oh yeah, did I mention that? The first Pokemon game I played was RED version! I’ve never actually played Blue before this scramble. So yeah, I’ve finally arrived at the party, only 14 years late! Hurrah for me!
Alright, the credits are rolling and this scramble is pretty much through, except for one more thing. There’s one more challenge for me to take on, one last enemy for me to face. But that is not for today... no, that’s for the next and final chapter of my adventure. So remember everyone, stay tuned for the Epilogue: Mewtwo Rising! Until then, audios!
END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:
Location: Pallet Town
Badges: 8, Pokemon League Champion
Pokemon: 6
Retries: 5 (Did I say one more challenge to go last time? Yeah, I meant two. NOW there’s one left to go.)
Pokemon:
Bud the Venusaur
Level 55
Take Down
Sleep Powder
Leech Seed
Razor Leaf
Well, Bud functioned pretty much as I expected him to, though he ended up almost soloing Bruno due to Screentime’s failure. Honestly though, if not for all the solos TheRainbow had to do I think that Bud would’ve been used a lot more than he was. Still, he took on Bruno like a champ, and Sleep Powder proved its usefulness as I expected it would. Unfortunately, I fear he won’t be much use against Mewtwo, seeing as he’s weak to Psychic...
Screentime the Pidgeot
Level 55
Fly
Quick Attack
Mirror Move
Take Down
Well there’s no way around it. Screentime fell flat on his face yet again this chapter, failing spectacularly against Bruno and then even more spectacularly against Blue’s Charizard. Of course, you can’t really blame him for it, as both times it was due to ridiculous hax more than anything else. Still, his lack of raw power is definitely partly to blame. As is his lack of defense. And his lack of speed. And... ok he just kind of sucked. Don’t expect to see him against Mewtwo, because I have no desire to see him get turned into a feathery red smear on the cave wall.
Shout the Nidoking
Level 55
Strength
Earthquake (3 PP Up)
Horn Drill
Double Team
Damn, it seemed like Agatha was custom made for Shout to take down. Her team relies mostly on poison damage to take opponents down, and Shout’s immune to it. All the barriers to him obliterating her that exist in generation 3 don’t exist in generation 1, including actual good attacks and abilities that weaken his earthquake or make his opponents immune to it. The only thing he didn’t take down was Golbat, and I highly doubt that he would have failed that had I attempted it. Of course he didn’t do anything except Agatha, but taking out an Elite Four member mostly by yourself is no small achievement. Unfortunately, this is pretty much the end of the line for him, seeing as Mewtwo can obliterate Shout with the blink of an eye. I’m really starting to worry how I’m going to manage this...
Random the Gyarados
Level 56
Blizzard
Surf
Leer
Bide
He’s still the beast I’m accustomed to by now. Random was one of my most vital team members against the League. Between taking on most of Lances team single handedly and the ease with which he handled Blue’s Pokemon, it’s not surprise he’s the lead contender for overall MVP. In fact, he’s probably my best shot against Mewtwo too. Will Random ever stop impressing? No, I think not.
TongueTied the Golbat
Level 55
Swift
Double-Edge
Wing Attack
Hyper Beam (+ 1 PP Up)
TongueTied did nothing except stand in for Screentime when I had to revive him. His abilities were totally outclassed by other team members, as I expected. He’ll be equally useless against Mewtwo, who would likely force him to choke on his own tongue if I were to send him out against it. Don’t expect to hear much more from him.
TheRainbow the Persian
Level 55
Slash
Bubblebeam
Thunderbolt
Toxic
Damn, did TheRainbow ever shine this chapter! He took down Lorelei with a little bit of a boost from my item bag, and then continued to be an unstoppable force for the rest of the League. The only opponent he didn’t have a hand in defeating was Bruno, and that was only because I wanted to use someone else for once seeing as I knew he’d be getting a lot of use later on. Those Onix would’ve been easy pickings for him had I been so inclined. I also foresee him being one of the only Pokemon I can actually use against Mewtwo, perhaps outspeeding and surviving long enough to get a couple Slashes in. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it though...