Virginity

[Bam]

FOR THE RECORD I AM 18

Dear Smogon,

I am a virgin.

Now, I know that this really isn't that big of a deal, as many (or even most) of you are virgins as well. It is nothing to be embarrassed of - I openly tell all of my non-virgin friends, and am usually complimented and encouraged in return for "doing the right thing".

I am a virgin by choice. I've had the opportunity to have sex, and have chosen not to. In fact, if I wanted to in the current relationship that I'm in, then I just could. She has told me that she is ready (she is not a virgin), and I know I'm ready. I've just witheld myself because I don't know if it's something I want to do yet.

See, I've been raised in a pretty much conservative-to-the-core Christian family, and while I've strayed off quite a bit from the ways of my dad, I still hold some basic values that align with the Christian faith. One of these being the high regard of virginity. I view it as something you can only use once, something that matters a lot, something that you should be extremely careful in giving away. Sex, at least to me, is the physical translation of the strongest emotional bond possible: love. Because of that, I have some trouble understanding how people can have casual sex, or even just go from partner to partner and not really caring about who they're doing or why.

However, I've recently come to question my decision of keeping my virginity. My girlfriend is not a virgin. She was very careful of who she had done it with, and in the end was heartbroken by him. This in itself did not and doesn't bother me at all - we all make mistakes. But then I found out a month into the relationship that she'd cheated on me and lied to me, and had had sex with the guy (whom she'd been dating for the last year). Now this is essentially what bothers me: she doesn't see sex to be as big of a deal as I do, or at least didn't. I am considering losing my virginity just so that I will stop caring about from now on. I feel that I place too much value on it and wish I weren't so sensitive/blah about it, but at the same time am extremely cautious and careful about losing it (not to say that I haven't done pretty much everything else you can possibly do and still be a virgin).

Now, she does approve of my virginity and wishes that she had been more careful in keeping hers.

So, my questions for you, smogon, are as follows (and please discuss the questions in a group fashion - I mean to start a discussion, and not simply ask for help. Convince me through your personal experiences):

• Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?
• What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?
• If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.
• Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?
• If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?
• What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?

Aside from these, you're welcome to comment on anything else you want. Thanks for the input ;).

I understand that this ties in somewhat with the relationship thread, but it in itself is an entirely different tangent and can create much discussion separately.

edit: Please realize that I only mentioned my girlfriend's cheating on me because it has had an effect on my view of virginity. She was not "sleeping around" - that is when a girl goes around and fucks a bunch of different guys. She had been dating another guy for over a year and had slept with him (she loved him at a certain point, and then stopped), and then as the relationship was winding down on both sides, she started dating me. I did not ask for advice on what to do about my girlfriend, and I don't want it. Obviously, I thought she was worth giving a second chance, and so far she has been. Telling me what to do about the situation is hypocritical and an insult to my intelligence.

tl;dr keep on topic.

 

[vonFiedler]

Cheating on you isn't casual sex. A girl like that doesn't think much of a guy like you, not really, and you shouldn't lose your virginity for her sake unless you truly love her, which it seems like she wouldn't deserve. Dump her.


As for virginity in general, every boy wants to lose it and figures that if they do it once they won't need to get it out of the way anymore. But you never truly need sex until you've had it. I have casual sex because I'm addicted to it, not because I enjoy it (there are rare occasions). I would much rather find someone I truly love to have meaningful sex with.

 

[Surgo]

I must say I'm surprised to see such an insightful and honest first post in a topic so emotionally and culturally charged as this one. I am thus happy to give my reply! Everything I'd put down in a reply anyway is actually asked in your poll (and more), so I'll simply answer that.

Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?

No. I'm not really comfortable with the language of lost/given away either -- while "give it away" specifically works in concept for me, I think for many people it's not really 'a big deal', so to speak -- which is somewhat incompatible with that question.

That said, I "gave it away" because I felt that the time was right. I was (and still am) in love, and that's the sort of thing that happens when you're in love and very attracted to the person. Plus I was very, very attracted, so that part of me very much wanted to do it. There's nothing wrong with that.

What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?

This obviously ties in to what I said in reply the question right above. Even if I wasn't in a committed relationship, truly casual sex is something I'd try to avoid. Sex is pretty dangerous in that it can, and does, make either party miserable for a long time -- either in the form of pregnancy, disease, or whatever. That sort of thing isn't something I'm casual about.

As for the issue of virginity being worth keeping -- I do not see why. This isn't some backwards third-world nation where women are regularly killed for having sex before marriage (yes, that still happens), so I honestly see no difference between having it or not having it. I sure don't feel any different for not having it.

If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.

This is a loaded question. It never had any value to begin with.

Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?

People have written entire PhD theses on this issue, both throughout history and in the modern world (see the above comment about backwards countries). There's nothing I could say here that would add value on top of that volume of work.

If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?

I wouldn't say anything one way or the other. Outside of the fact that sex can be somewhat dangerous when not done carefully for the above mentioned reasons, I don't think it matters. And it's really none of my business anyway.

What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?

It took being in love, for me. But that's what it took for me. Your milage will vary.

 

[Matthew]

I'm not a virgin, and while I never regretted ever sleeping around I think it's good to see people not just throw it around. I've had... well basically a lot of sexual experiences in the past, if I wanted to sleep with a girl I would go after it until I got it. The girls never objected, they never didn't want it, however if I were to talk to them still, I doubt that they'd really want to lose it to me. I talk to a few of them still, and we're close, but it's a little off.

Anyway, there was this girl called Sara, basically the one girl who said "no" to me. I didn't really mind, fuck she could be a good friend. So I just started to hang out with her and some friends, it was a lot of fun. Eventually, as usual, I once again grew attracted to her. Now, Sara is the kind of girl who keeps to herself. She doesn't really hook up with anyone, she doesn't drink, do drugs, she really is a good girl. So we started spending more time alone, and of course, things did get sexual, but I never took her virginity. I was never the best at relationships, "fuck 'em and chuck 'em" used to be what I lived by, but something was different with Sara. So I never pushed the thought of sex onto her and after a week or two of just hooking up we started to date.

Basically she reformed me, I love her with all my heart (and we recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary!), and we eventually did have sex, but it was much more meaningful and fantastic with a girl I was so deeply in love with. So while sleeping around was something that felt good physically, sleeping with someone who I have a deep connection with feels good both physically and spiritually.

There is nothing wrong with keeping your virginity, whether it be for religious reasons or personal. Being a virgin is a huge thing in high school, most of the jocks see it as a right of passage, but really it's not a big deal. The girls that put out for everyone and everything aren't worth your time. Basically I encourage people to lose their virginities, as it really doesn't mean much, however they will most likely realize on your own that sleeping with strangers isn't a suitable replacement for a functioning relationship.

So basically I'd say that you shouldn't have such a negative feeling over having your virginity, there isn't a physical difference for a guy who is a virgin and who isn't. I also would say that there aren't any huge mental differences, you should lose it when you feel like, that's that.

 

[trilog]

Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?

yes. only reason I am is because I've strayed from a relationship (I'm in high school. 18) because I feel like a lot of high school relationships are stupid and a waste of time. not to mention the fact that who you date gets judged by the populous of your school. not something I need weighing me down.

What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?
If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.

casual in what way? random sex or friends with benefits sex? the former I disagree with. too much risk. the latter can work if you know your friend has no diseases or anything and you're a master of avoiding pregnancy.

the value of virginity is complete arbitrary bullshit to be honest. abstinence is stupid. I'll explain at the bottom. rather I'll give you a link.

Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?

socially it's approved upon. anyone will agree. the majority of the population is under some kind of spell that makes them think an arbitrary value means anything.

If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?

save it for the right person BUT ONLY because of the risk of disease and pregnancy. basically, know your shit before you do anything risky. saving it until marriage is the dumbest thing ever conceived. you can't defy human nature. sorry religious people, but we're animals. we have primal instincts.

What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?

as previously stated, just know your shit and I think you should go for it. no need to get in some relationship or have an emotional requirement to have sex. when you both wanna do it, do it.

knowledge is power.

anyway, here's the link to what I was talking about (NSFW. it's Penn & Teller's Bullshit on Abstinence, but it has a girl masturbating and playing with her tits. it, however, brings up an excellent point on the uselessness of abstinence: http://www.trilulilu.ro/00070707000/6a091d8aaf5557

 

[Seraphic]

well, personally, I believe that sex is important and should be between people who love each other, but to each his own. In the long run, it's just a method for making babies and only holds as much significance as you put into it, but meh.

Were I in your situation, I would have already broken up with that girl. I personally have a strong vendetta against people who cheat because it shows a huge lack of empathy and selfishness, but if you want to forgive her then that's fine too.

Like you, I was raised as a Catholic, so I put sentimental value in my virginity. When I lost it, I had been dating my girlfriend for 6 or 7 months and I saw no negative qualities in her. I've been dating her for about a year now and I haven't regretted it. Just make sure that you truly love her enough and trust her enough to give her your virginity.

 

[trilog]

sex is important, I think. you can't deny primal instincts because of a silly value. it's vital to keeping relationships strong and bringing you close to each other.

IMO relationships fall to shit when you stop being physical.

 

[Phantom_IV]

I am not a virgin, but was one for a while, and only lost mine recently. I fell in love with a girl.

I would say that there is no intrinsic value to being a virgin. If you have a close relationship with someone, there's no reason not to have sex with them. You find out what works and what doesn't, and it helps improve your relationship. Either that, or you might find out you're rather incompatible, in which case perhaps it were better that you found this out earlier rather than later.

Additionally, your first time has a good chance of being incredibly awkward, so you could say that it's something like practice.

Final note:
We live in a rather modern world. Most people will have sex before marrying; not doing so makes you an outlier. If you're in college (particularly Junior or Senior year), chances are decent that your partner is not a virgin, even if you are. Sex is a great relationship builder, and it would be foolish to deny that. If your partner asks you and you refuse, your partner may not show it, but it will hurt him/her. It's a sign that you don't want to get closer to them, that you refused the bond that they offered.

 

[trilog]

very well-spoken Phantom. agreed entirely.

society is too bent on outdated values. hopefully we'll come to reason. I've been in situations where I've tried to explain how I feel about sex to girls, but they all disagree. conformity isn't always the best thing.

 

[Trax]

• What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?
• Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?
• If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?

Answering the questions that I'm in the right place to answer..

- Casual Sex is fine with me, and virginity holds no special value; it's just a stage of life, move on when you feel ready.

- I generally pay no attention to social 'norms' etc, but it's generally accepted you'll be a virgin up to a certain age from what I can tell.

- Go get laid, just don't do anything you find yourself regretting later.


Honestly though Bam, I wouldn't stay with a girl who cheated and lied to me, that's just setting yourself up for a bad relationship. If you care about your virginity and think it's a gift, go find a girl who is worth giving it to.

 

[mtr]

1) Yes, I'm a virgin, sadly. It's not by choice, it's because most people in rl loathe/ignore/whatever me, and that my last hookup was in January. But whatever, you guys don't need to hear my sob story.

2) I have no problem with casual sex, and I dislike the emphasis that society places on someone's virginity, be it on males to lose it or females to keep it. I find it especially disgusting that some people can care so much about a piece of vestigial tissue (the hymen of a female), but hey, if you like it, go for it. Just don't expect me to hang around you.

 

[Bam]

As I said, I wasn't really asking for personal advice - I just wanted to start an interesting conversation that might reveal things I useful for me to know.

And the whole cheating thing happened a long time ago; she's followed every regulation we've set up by the dot since then so I'm not really worrying. Everybody fucks up, and I think it's a bit unfair to punish one kind of mistrust more than another. I understand that it was an incredibly stupid thing for her to do, but I thought she was worth giving a second chance - so far she has been. Telling me that I should just leave her for being "that type of person" is hypocritical (for those basically advocating a live-and-let-live lifestyle in terms of sex) and an insult to my intelligence by assuming that I'm just going to let her fuck with me again.

tl;dr let's not talk about my girlfriend. Stay on topic.

 

[ivar]

i never thought of virginity as something to give away but rather something to discard. i had sex for the first time with my on and off again gf (weird relationship) and it was pretty sweet. i didn't feel awkward about it at all, though her bloody hymen was a bit off-putting.

as for casual sex, it's about the only thing i ever even do anymore. that, and fuck buddies, but i guess that falls under casual sex. what i hate is drunken sex hook-ups, and not because of cold "emotionlessness" but because i can't ejaculate! it takes way too long and it's frustrating; i like bordering myself on ejaculation when im having sex, but not being able to when i want to is terrible!

i think it ridiculous to say that you can only have "true" sexual intimacy with someone you've been with exclusively for a long time. plenty of my fuck buddies (i dont like calling them that but i dont know what else to say) are my... buddies and we can have fantastic sexual intimacy, the one moniker is that we offer that intimacy to multiple people.

if you have multiple friends (and friendship with one person is not cheapened by friendship with one another) then why do relationships and sexual romances have to be any different? why can't your girlfriend be your best relationship, like a best friend can be?

i bolded because i felt it to be an important concern.

 

[vonFiedler]

if you have multiple friends (and friendship with one person is not cheapened by friendship with one another) then why do relationships and sexual romances have to be any different? why can't your girlfriend be your best relationship, like a best friend can be?

What matters in a relationship varies from person to person, but if you want multiple partners who are all incapable of jealosy, good luck. Us monogamous guys usually have a hard enough time finding one girl with the same relationship needs.

 

[MrIndigo]

• Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?

• 
  
  No. I have had sex once before, with my ex-girlfriend. It was about a week before she broke up with me, as I recall. Before I was actually put in the situation, I thought the explanation "It just happened" was nonsensical, but that was literally how it felt when it happened. So I suppose you could say a lapse in impulse control. In hindsight, I don't think I was really ready for it and it was an intensely awkward experience. That said, I think it is a very awkward experience for most people the first time.
  
  

  [*]What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?

  These are two entirely unrelated things. Virginity is, without some kind of religious dogma convincing you otherwise, meaningless. It has a lot more value attributed to it because it is sex, but the fact that it's something you can only 'lose once' doesn't make it any more sacred than the first time you do anything. You can only have a peach for the first time once. You can only go to school for the first time once. You can only have your first kiss once.
  
  That said, there tends to be quite a lot of emotional connection to sex, particularly if you've been raised under one of the religious dogmas I mentioned above, but even without that. Because of that, and because of the responsibility it entails (e.g. diseases, pregnancy), it's best to wait until you feel responsible and ready to be that intimate with someone, certainly for your first time.
  
  Casual sex is not really my thing; I value the rest of the relationship more than just the sexual acts. However, I don't see anything wrong with people engaging in casual sex if they are into that; except where one person thinks it is more than just casual sex and the other doesn't.
  
  

  [*]If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.

  It never had any intrinsic value. It was only given apparent value by the religious consideration of it, which historically seems to reflect a subjugation of women (because it is more testable with women than men, although not in a foolproof way). The apparent value it has lost is a result of the falling dominance of religion in the West.
  
  

  [*]If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?

  I wouldn't encourage either way. If they felt like they were ready, fine. If they weren't, that's also fine. It's value neutral.
  
  

  [*]What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?

Some level of emotional maturity is required, if only to take appropriate precautions. Teenagers who are just going through puberty tend to act on hormones and not take appropriate measures. For casual sex, I think it's at least necessary for both parties to respect themselves and the other person, and for both of them to understand the nature of the relationship.

 

[assassinfred]

am I a virgin? Yes, I am, but not because of religion, just because I haven't found the right person yet. I agree with a lot of people here saying that you need an emotional connection to the person before you do it. You shouldn't just throw it away, you should make sure you've found someone you deeply care about before you do.

That being said, I do not think virginity is a value. It is just a word, in my opinion, although others such as yourself think it is a value, and it is your right to, but to me, it is just a word. You should know the person you have sex with, but that does not mean "virginity" is any value whatsoever.

Is it worth keeping? In my opinion, it doesn't make a difference. Some people think it is, and some people think it isn't, and that's the way the world goes. I find it hard for a word to be worth keeping, but keeping a word doesn't affect me in any way, either.

Most people don't care if your a virgin or if you are not, and the only people who really do are those who are religious. Since religious dominance has fallen in the West, so too has the value of virginity.

Casual sex depends. I am actually neutral on this issue at the moment. In some ways, I see nothing wrong with it, and in others, there are some problems. If you are okay with it, than go for it, I can't stop you. If you are not, then I'm not one to judge you. Whatever any individual thinks of it is okay for them. For me, I am still unsure on it, but eventually I will be on one side or the other.

 

[B-Lulz]

Virginity is something of a complex topic for me at the moment. While I am still a virgin (by choice, I have had the chance to lose it) i'm at a crossroads where i'd like to go out clubbing and maybe hook up that way, or chase after one of the girls I like in the final 5 weeks of 6th form, and see if we can build a relationship that way. I'm not really the type to be always having sexual interactions, in fact i'm quite a fan of my own company in a way (lol) but my virginity is something I want to lose sometime soon and i'm not sure which way would be more beneficial for me in the long run.

 

[Forbidden To Starve]

The cynical approach to this would be that sex is just the brain firing electrical impulses, hormones, and some secretions. The "sex" that you describe as holding off having out of choice is merely what societal pressure appears to have done to the concept of sex and thus your own opinion of it - it has morphed it into what is interpreted by many as a "commitment". I believe religion may have had some swing in that, as well as general idiocy. Nobody said that sex has to involve emotion and personality - that is merely your brain overrationalizing a rather simple bodily process.

Put simply, sex is a drive of hormones in the blood stream. Why consider the inexperience of this a good thing?

 

[vonFiedler]

The cynical approach to this would be that sex is just the brain firing electrical impulses, hormones, and some secretions. The "sex" that you describe as holding off having out of choice is merely what societal pressure appears to have done to the concept of sex and thus your own opinion of it - it has morphed it into what is interpreted by many as a "commitment". I believe religion may have had some swing in that, as well as general idiocy. Nobody said that sex has to involve emotion and personality - that is merely your brain overrationalizing a rather simple drive of hormones to the blood stream.

There are many reasons for people to give a greater emotional meaning to sex. Just the act of seeing each other naked for the first time is an act of sharing secrets and breaking down personal space. Either sex with no attachments works for you, or you have an incredibly unhealthy sex life.

 

[The 1 and Only Lady Gaga]

Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?

Answer: I am a virgin. Still 15 anyway, and I am Christian, against my religion to have sex before marriage.

What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?

Answer: Casual sex? I would strongly discourage it, if not condemn it. Sexually Transmitted Infections/Diseases are not something you would want to have. I'd rather keep my virginity, it is worth keeping.

If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.

Answer: Like duh? I'd rather forgo instant pleasure than risk having something that can destroy my life permanently. Besides, as said before, my religion doesn't allow it.

Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?

Answer: Maybe in high school, it is "cool" to not be a virgin, and only the "losers" never "get laid". Too bad the "losers" will prevail in the end.

If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?

Answer: No way, I would encourage him to keep it anyday of the week.
​

What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?

Answer: Like being willing to accept the possible consequences.

 

[Fishy]

Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?

I am not a virgin. I was with my boyfriend for about 6 months or so?--and it was right after my 16th birthday (haha) that gradually we started fooling around hot and heavier, and he asked to have sex with me. Now, I was naive and I thought I was going to marry him, so I was for it. I was also curious: sex was what humans were literally sculpted for, and I just wanted to know how it felt. So, one day in his bed we had sex, and it was messy, it hurt, but I told myself it would be better every time afterwards, and the first time was always the hardest.That being said, half the time for the girl, when they lose their virginity it isn't the most exciting thing.

What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?

I really cannot stand casual sex. Personally, I tell myself that I'll only have sex with a guy that I truly believe I am in love with, that I can honestly imagine spending the rest of my life with. I don't get into relationships if I don't at least attempt to stay in them for the long haul. I don't fling or anything like that. I can't stand how people can meet someone one day and have sex with them that night, and never think twice about it or that person again. To me, sex is like the ultimate, I don't know, display of your trust for someone? That may be odd, but I am not comfortable giving my body in its entirety to someone if they're not going to respect it, and want to spend time with it the morning after. Ha. I just wish that in today's modern world, sex wasn't so cheap, and it wasn't just something to do with someone else. I maintain that it's a very intimate thing that you shouldn't do with just anyone! (okay yes virginity is worth keeping)

If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.

(okay) I absolutely think your virginity is worth keeping, worth saving for the right person. Maybe not who you're going to marry in the end, but at least someone you really care about and could at least consider marrying. Honestly, no sex before a marriage is possible relationship-suicide: you marry your lover and realise that you don't enjoy sex with them at all. Not that relationships revolve around it, but that is a big factor! Anyway, I pretty much said before how I think sex is valuable, and that bascically translates to why virginity is an important thing to consider losing, and saving. While the night you lose your virginity isn't always magical and like just automatically amazing sex, it could change you a little bit. Who knows if you'll become a sex addict or whatever else, and that defintely isn't a worry for everyone, but I think everyone sort of reassesses themselves after knowing how sex feels. (Personally I loved it after the messy first, and became a little obsessed for a while, but then realised that doing it all the time was monotonous, and it should never be something to do just when you're bored.)

Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?

I think the only people who are going to criticize you for being a virgin are the people who have rampant sex all the time. Knowing that Bam is a virgin just makes me think he's a smart and conscientious guy, and pretty cute! I regret losing my virginity when I did, so it's kind of uplifting to know that people actually still have the capability to be virgins, and people still want to hold true to either their religious values or personal choices of maintaining their virginity.

If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?

My best advice would be to think about regrets later. Even if you don't end up marrying the person, is he/she great enough that you can at least remember the event (losing virginity) fondly? Will you be comfortable knowing that this person, far off in life wherever, was the one you first gave yourself to? Will they respect that later on? I actually took the virginity of my second boyfriend, and I don't think I've told anyone about that. I'm sure he has with his current girlfriend, but whatever, it's not even anything to brag about. I'd also say that having sex is never something you should be pressured into, especially your first time around. It should be discussed thoroughly (although not analytically) and it should be the most comfortable scenario possible. Sex is the most fun between two people madly in love with each other anyway, so if you've got someone like that, I don't think there's any reason to be afraid to give yourself away.

What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?

I've said it a lot already, but I'll reiterate again. LOVE LOVE LOVE. TRUST TRUST TRUST. Sex between two virgins is probably the sweetest thing, especially when they're both in love (I know a couple like this, bawww). If anything is cheap about virginity anymore, it's giving it away to someone who won't care about you in the morning.

 

[rbygsc kid 251]

I'm not a virgin, but its been so long since I've had sex that I think my virginity is starting to grow back.

Anyways, I kind of wish I would not have had sex. The only reason that I did was to "try it out". Yes, there was no love, it was basically because my friends had recently had sex for the first time and thrown it in my face and a whore bascially had fallen in my lap (literally).

But I'm not going to let this "mistake" (Yes, I believe my particular case was a mistake) ruin my life. If I happen to ever get a gf that is a virgin and is in no rush then I will probably be saying hell yeah because maybe some other things will be lined up that need to be (I.e. emotional)

If I was giving advise to a virgin I would say to keep it and no I would not critize that person, I would hold them in high esteem. But most humans are curious and even though our parents tell us not to touch the stove when the burners are red, we still just might because we might not believe them.

As a final note, just about all virgins have two GUARANTEES.

1) NO STD's
2) NO Children

Yes, I realize that many non-virgins have these, but being clean sure is nice. I heard something on the radio that one in four Americans have a STD, which I am not sure how much truth there is in that but I'm certainly a believer in that stat.

 

[Surgo]

Just a thought: I feel like answers here would be tempered by age, so when you post maybe you should post how old you are (unless it's in your profile).

 

[Objection]

Disclaimer: I know how much some users hate me posting in topics related to sex or relationships. This has no bearing whatsoever on whether I choose to post in them or not. However, I do not intend to derail this thread, so this will be my only post in this thread. You may respond to any points I make in this post, and any responses I have to your points will be sent to you privately so as to avoid derailing this thread.

Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?

Firstly, I am an 18-year-old "virgin". Secondly, I do not intend to "lose my virginity" at any point in my life, because I see no reason to do so, and the first reason/piece of evidence in an argument has to be provided by the proposition (ie, those who say that "losing your virginity" is worthwile).

There seem to be two main reasons to have sex: to produce a baby, and for fun. Arguably, there is also the third reason of strengthening the relationship, but arguably that could be covered by the "for fun" reason.

The only time I would ever want to be a father is when I can be sure that I know how to raise a child because, unlike several other things in life, I cannot afford to screw up because it would completely ruin another person's life. And if I ever do want to be a father, there's always adoption (unless there's a shortage of children not being cared for, in which case I'll just have to wait).

As for sex being fun, I do not understand how sticking your penis inside another person's body and thrusting until semen comes out can be fun. If anything, it sounds rather vile, and the problem for me is that it involves body contact, which is something I detest. Even if I were indifferent to body contact, the act itself sounds really monotonous, therefore boring, so really the only people who would enjoy sex are those who like touching other people. Many say that sexual intercourse is an emotional connection just as much as a physical one, but if that is true, this makes prostitutes the most loving people on the planet, and the fact that they charge you money for sex suggests the opposite. So whether there is actually any emotional value whatsoever in sexual intercourse is debatable, and I'm on the opposition.

Because the emotional value of sex is debatable, it makes no sense that something arguably purely physical can strengthen a relationship, which is an intangible (therefore not physical) thing. Of course, I might be getting the definitions of "physical" and "emotional" completely wrong, in which case I'm sure someone will set me straight without linking me to Wikipedia and then I can re-evaluate what I'm saying.

If there are any more reasons for having sex, then I'd like to hear them.

What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?

If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.

It's not a matter of "Is virginity worth keeping?" but a matter of "Is it worth having sex?" and I have said that it isn't and explained why. I'd be inclined therefore to say that casual sex is a total waste as well, but I do not know the difference between casual sex and non-casual sex.

Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?

Although my views on "losing your virginity" are rather extreme, and although I don't know anyone who shares the exact same views, the people I know at school do agree that it's not about whether keeping your "virginity" is worthwile, but it's about why you'd want sex in the first place (and a few of these people do try to give reasons).

If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?

If he was planning on losing it, I would expect to hear a strong justification for his decision. Failure to provide such a justification or allowing basic flaws in reasoning to slip in would result in me objecting strongly. Whether I think sex is something worthwile would be completely irrelevant. However, I'd be under the impression that he would be doing it without really thinking about the reasons why and the consequences of his action. This in turn could lead to him becoming the father of an unplanned child, or him getting a disease from it, or him being charged with rape, none of which he would want.

What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?

As long as you can give a strong justification for having sex with someone, and as long as there are no basic flaws in reasoning in the justification, then that's all you need. I do not see why this justification ought to be based on emotional or relational requirements given that there is not necessarily any emotional value in the act and that it does not necessarily strengthen or weaken a relationship.

 

[6A9 Ace Matador]

you obviously have some big psychological problems.