how you've grown

[Chou Toshio]

been there, done that :P Thanks for asking dude

edit: I'm also moved to almost tears by Jumpluff's post. :( My prayers are with you and your surgery (I DO believe in God, think the world is wonderful despite being corrupt, and agree someone's sexual preference is unrelated to their worth as a person).

 

[Gabe]

Lemme guess, you went to college?

yes, but I realized pretty much all this shit by the time I was 10.


Also, I seem to have degenerated. Before I broke up with girls no problem, and the last two break-ups have really stung. I really dont fucking know why, I have decided it's best to just have sex partners and no relationships

 

[His Eminence Lord Poppington II]

lawdy, jumpluff's post is the most sincere thing i have ever read on this forum. i wish you luck for your surgery and congratulate your improvement on your outlook on life, your attitude is truly inspiring.

@waterbomb, i dunno man, you two are cutting it pretty close.

some self-reflection of my own, I guess. Like brammi, i am no longer a dick to my mother, although that was a good 3-4 years ago. i tend be extremely passive so i am not sure whether that is good or bad (that's not apathetic, mind you) i am pretty satisfied with the way i am now; but honestly, that is more often than not the case, so i will just wait and see in another year's time as the OP suggests.

 

[WaterBomb]

Also, I seem to have degenerated. Before I broke up with girls no problem, and the last two break-ups have really stung. I really dont fucking know why, I have decided it's best to just have sex partners and no relationships

It's not degeneration, it's simply because relationships get more serious when you're older. When you're in high school relationships mean next to nothing, it's just dating for the social scene and seeing how many sexual partners you can tag (if you're a guy). Once you move past that and dating becomes an actual search for a spouse and partner, your relationships become more real. Your last relationship breakups sting much more because you were far more EMOTIONALLY invested in them to begin with, and thus it is a shock to your system when they end, even if you initiated that end. You had no trouble before, most likely, because you were not really invested in the first place.

In any case, you haven't degenerated, you've matured. Don't let a couple of violent endings turn you away from relationships though. Avoiding them completely and simply seeking sexual partners will not keep you happy for very long.

 

[comatthew6]

In terms of real life, I was a bit of a naive and whiny bitch when I was a kid, getting really upset over a lot of things, partially due to how much I was picked on at a young age. I was also rather dependant on a lot of people.

Once I was around 14 I think, my personality changed rather rapidly, and I became more of a snarky person, often cracking jokes at other people's expense and being a general dick to people that bother me. I'm rather polite with most people though. I also decided not to rely on other people so much and be an independant person. My mother is really clingy to me though, and I don't really like her for that reason.

this

 

[Son of Disaster]

It's cause he's whipped, that happens to the best of us. Sadly, the "shit is about to get extra real" angry gamer sweatpants get thrown out, haircuts and shaving becomes regular and soon enough you find yourself in line buying tampons and wondering "why did I ever stop playing counterstrike?"

I guess that describes me, i shaved like 4 times on my trip to see lanturn. That is honestly a record number of shaves per week in the last 5 years. ALSO no sweatpants, I think?

Pretty true. Except the army was the relationship that made me shave and get haircuts. I just wish there was something i could make my wife run to the store for.

 

[WaterBomb]

I just wish there was something i could make my wife run to the store for.

Beer, doritos, windex

 

[cookie]

did anyone else read the title in the voice of an old relative they haven't seen since childhood

 

[akuchi]

did anyone else read the title in the voice of an old relative they haven't seen since childhood

yes

 

[His Eminence Lord Poppington II]

very fitting now that you mention it

 

[Son of Disaster]

Beer, doritos, windex

yeah but none of those are quite on the level of tampons. Windex? how'd that make the list...

 

[ivar]

very fitting now that you mention it

as long as you add a 'my', with a small pause afterward, at the beginning

 

[His Eminence Lord Poppington II]

an 'oh' would be okay as well

 

[StarGengar]

I was a stubborn little kid that didn't take kindly to authority figures and always wanted to be bigger and stronger than anyone else and thought I was smarter than everyone.

Now I'm still like that except I realized I'm not the strongest person or the smartest, but I still believe I have the potential to be and strive for that everyday. And I feel I have a slight predisposition for achieving that. I'm also very competitive and introverted, and generally hateful of a lot of people and don't take very many things seriously unless it helps make me better than people. I do joke a lot though and have been told I'm very funny and strange, so I'm not a complete ass, I'm just pretty selfish.

Well, pretty much all this. However, now I try to be kind with people and motive them to be better (sometimes I wonder if I make that unconsiously to make them better, then be better than them and show my superiority, lol).

Somethign I miss from my old me is that "dont give a fuck" philosophy, because now I seem to care too much about other people, what I know is not really bad, but it has proven to be more of a handicap that I ever excpected.

I´ve also become kind of the hopeless romantic that someone else described, and I really dont like to be there, mainly because that along with my nice guy attitude led me to a "big brother/closest friend" position with my crush, and its not like I dont like it, but I always wonder if I did it wrong all the way or this is the best case scenario...

The thing that bothers me more about my actual self is this feeling that everyone just walks over me, even if they think I´m like the smartest guy in the country. I just feel dragged to everyone´s will, and at the same time I do my best to be better than them in anything I can. Like a total push over behind a Champion´s mask.

Yep, as you can see, Im always wondering if I´m just doing it right or letting the world eat me. The me from 2 years ago would have been sure about the former, the actual me is always chased by the later.


Tl;dr;: I like to be a nice guy, but I would love to get some "fuck ya all" back.


Edit: I just read Jumpluff post, and I have to say its, like poppy told, the most sincere post in maybe the whole forum.

Jump, if you read this, smogon is wating for you with its arms wide open.

 

[Rayquaza2233]

I've become much better at bottling up my feelings and hiding that bottle, I find. Not a change over the past year, more like over the past four years. High school's really changed me, I wonder if uni will too.

 

[ck49]

Yes, Definitely.

 

[Yaridovich]

Well StarGengar I decided after reading Jumpfluff's post that I would write something sincere but you pretty much said everything that I wanted to say. As for Jump I have never talked to you before and have no clue if I ever will but what you are doing is amazing and I found it really inspiring to read. Seriously that was really good.

What I can say for the girl thing, StarGengar, that best friend brother thing feels nice and is enjoyable but long term it really really sucks. There was a nice xkcd comic I read a while back that described it really well. That happened me in two straight relationship-ish scenarios (you would have think I would have learned the first time) a while back. With the first one I'm very very glad I didn't end up pushing things, but I really regret it with the second one. There's a reason bros always preach about not getting friend zoned. It feels really awkward and even wrong to break whatever safe, comfortable relationship you have with your crush now but the shit you'll feel down the road and wondering "what if" really is gonna just make you a lot less happy. It's a sort of aching guilt you don't want to put yourself through, especially if your crush ends up with someone else because you didn't make a move.

So I guess to answer your question what you're doing is not wrong, it's rational and natural. It is the best case scenario if you want to feel comfortable and secure and whatnot. From my personal experience though, it's just better to grow a pair and move on if stuff doesn't work out. If you are tactful about it it's not like you are going to rip your friendship apart and completely lose what you have now. Not like this isn't anything you don't already know, but it always helps for me to hear it from someone else!

 

[HiddenDragon72]

a year ago, i'd say i was aimless. Granted i'm still aimless but I have the desire to draw and do digital work for school and i've learned to actually use what i learn as oppose to letting it gather dust ;)

 

[Smith]

I read my old facebook a while back and thought to myself the whole time "if I lurked this guy's profile now, I would think he's a total douchebag". But I like to think I've made some progress in maturity and such like, not snipping at my parents just for the hell of it, holding my tongue when need be (one of my flaws most of the time) and suchlike.

This is a nice thread, I've always found personal stories as good reads. :)

 

[StarGengar]

What I can say for the girl thing, StarGengar, that best friend brother thing feels nice and is enjoyable but long term it really really sucks. There was a nice xkcd comic I read a while back that described it really well. That happened me in two straight relationship-ish scenarios (you would have think I would have learned the first time) a while back. With the first one I'm very very glad I didn't end up pushing things, but I really regret it with the second one. There's a reason bros always preach about not getting friend zoned. It feels really awkward and even wrong to break whatever safe, comfortable relationship you have with your crush now but the shit you'll feel down the road and wondering "what if" really is gonna just make you a lot less happy. It's a sort of aching guilt you don't want to put yourself through, especially if your crush ends up with someone else because you didn't make a move.

So I guess to answer your question what you're doing is not wrong, it's rational and natural. It is the best case scenario if you want to feel comfortable and secure and whatnot. From my personal experience though, it's just better to grow a pair and move on if stuff doesn't work out. If you are tactful about it it's not like you are going to rip your friendship apart and completely lose what you have now. Not like this isn't anything you don't already know, but it always helps for me to hear it from someone else!

You actually summed up what i wanted to tell Jump from the very begining.

For the girl thing, trust me I would gladly make a move, but she has a boyfriend from before I met her. I know she loves him and I could never ever ask her to break up with him, and my problem comes when one side of me wants to at least be in the friend zone, and at the same time my rational being tells me I´ll only get regrets from staying here, and i should either tell her how I feel or forget it and be happy with my best friend.

Of course, is needless to say how hard it would be to just forget that kind of feelings, specially when the subject in matter tells you everything, thinks you´r the smertest guy in the world and tells you that you are the first person she ever meets wich she can talk honestily about whatever bothers her mind (familiar problems, feeling towards people, really personal conflicts... you get it)

So right now im in kind of a conflict: making a move would noy only be risky by itself, but also most likely fruitless; and not doing so will keep me in the best friend´s chair. I´m always wondering wich would be the best.}

So to make it related to the OP, I´ve grown to be a conflict cluster :/

 

[jumpluff]

I know this thread is about personal growth, so I apologise for sidetracking with talk about my literal growth again :P, but a lot of people messaged me kindly after I posted and it meant a lot to me. I'll try to reply to them later today, since I'm very tired from the operation still, but it went more successfully than I had had the smallest of hope for: they removed the tumour completely (except the capsule or something, which they always leave since it grows on the facial nerve and they'll likely get rid of that with radiotherapy further down the track) without damage to my facial nerve. I was smiling in intensive care to prove it! The tumour was making me very ill and displacing my brain stem pretty majorly, so I'm bound to get better now it's getting back to normal. Thank you for keeping me all in your thoughts and I hope it isn't too presumptuous to post this here, since this isn't my Cancer Update Thread.

 

[ivar]

the update was not presumptuous at all

you'd have to be a total asshole to think that lol :p

 

[uragg]

i used to like this girl, but then she emotionally raped me so now i just facebook stalk her and stare at her ass when she's not looking...

i try not to complain as much as i used to about anything and roll with the punches in life, i feel that it's helped me stress a lot less and also to get better at adapting instead of bitching. everything is a lot more chill.

 

[Doomsday]

i was pretty fat and got massively thinner on one summer due to dysfunctional sleeping habits that caused me to skip lunch and other meals for a long time. this also caused some weird shit up in my head where i'd puke every time i got nervous (i dunno either, i was about to visit a psychologist and ended up controlling myself over the years)

still have extremely dysfunctional sleeping habits, no more puking nor weird nervous paranoia. i am still super lazy, and smoking pot ain't helping on that!

 

[Glen]

just posting to say that i really like this thread!