Ed Balls
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I think 'Relationships and Balls Ed Thread' is a better name for this thread.
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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
- Thread starter Gabe
- Start date
VKCA
(Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)
ahahahaha you're fucking adorable
I hope wb is wrong and you're actually just a thirteen year old
you're confused dear, waterbomb isn't calling you a troll, and chinchou doesn't care about being called a guy or dude or man or whatever he just prefers to be called a homsexual as opposed to gay because it sounds fancier or someshit
Ohhhhhh. Well, 'kay then. I got confused by the context of the conversation.
this is probably going to make me seem like a hypocrite considering my post about communication but whatever
i (m,16) was out with a few of my friends when they met a group of girls that they seemed to know. i got talking to one of the girls (f,16) and we really hit it off. it got late so she had to leave but as she was leaving she asked me if i wanted to get together another time. considering i got along really well with her and was physically attracted to her too, i agreed. we exchanged numbers and went on our way.
now, here's the problem. after she was out of earshot, a friend of mine mentioned to me that the girl in question has a child (i checked her facebook to confirm later). i'm honestly pretty put off by the fact that she had a kid. i've been making excuses to avoid seeing her since then but i don't think i can make excuses forever. i would rather avoid saying "i don't want to go out with you because you are with child" because that feels like a dick move but idk.
basically, if you met a girl you really like but found out she has a kid, would you give her a chance and go out with her and, if not, how do i avoid going out with her without coming across as a dick?
i (m,16) was out with a few of my friends when they met a group of girls that they seemed to know. i got talking to one of the girls (f,16) and we really hit it off. it got late so she had to leave but as she was leaving she asked me if i wanted to get together another time. considering i got along really well with her and was physically attracted to her too, i agreed. we exchanged numbers and went on our way.
now, here's the problem. after she was out of earshot, a friend of mine mentioned to me that the girl in question has a child (i checked her facebook to confirm later). i'm honestly pretty put off by the fact that she had a kid. i've been making excuses to avoid seeing her since then but i don't think i can make excuses forever. i would rather avoid saying "i don't want to go out with you because you are with child" because that feels like a dick move but idk.
basically, if you met a girl you really like but found out she has a kid, would you give her a chance and go out with her and, if not, how do i avoid going out with her without coming across as a dick?
Hey it's your life man, and it's pretty clear she made some irresponsible decisions if she has a kid at 16. If you don't want to see her, you're perfectly justified in not doing it. I would never date or marry a woman that had another guy's kid, and that's perfectly fine because it's my life and my decisions.
The #1 rule of love (especially serious dating) is to take care of numero uno. If you aren't where you want to be in a relationship, than you shouldn't be in it.
In everday life, it's not fair or decent to judge people or discriminate against them based on any number of factors including race, age, sex, religion, whether they have a kid, etc. You absolutely cannot use any of these factors when hiring employees for instance (unless you have job-specific requirements, like a role in a movie or a strength requirement for a construction job).
But this isn't a job hunt. This is dating, the person you choose (for yourself) to invest your time, emotions, and romantic/sexual relations with. If you're dating seriously (kind of early for you), than you could even be in the market to choose the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. All of that is an incredibly important decision, and one that belongs to you and only you-- no one else can judge you on it or have any autonomy over it.
Unless you've like, knocked up a girl and promised to marry her, and told both families about it before running away-- than the shit is on you. In most circumstances where you haven't done anything irresponsible, the decision entirely belongs to you and no one can judge you for it.
If you couldn't ever see yourself marrying a Mexican girl, than you probably shouldn't be dating one seriosuly.
If you feel uncomfortable around Islam, you probably shouldn't marry a Muslim.
If you can't see yourself dating a much older woman, than etc. etc.
If the fact that this girl has a baby at 16 bothers you and you DON'T WANT TO SEE HER, don't-- and don't feel bad about it. You have to take care of yourself first.
In fact, it's not taking care of yourself, and trying to be "nice" to her by going out that would be the real tragedy-- that will end up hurting her more in the long run as well.
Just tell her that you don't want to see her, or that you just want to be friends. If she presses, just say that her having a kid bothers you and be honest. That's the best you can do, and that's all she can ask of you.
The #1 rule of love (especially serious dating) is to take care of numero uno. If you aren't where you want to be in a relationship, than you shouldn't be in it.
In everday life, it's not fair or decent to judge people or discriminate against them based on any number of factors including race, age, sex, religion, whether they have a kid, etc. You absolutely cannot use any of these factors when hiring employees for instance (unless you have job-specific requirements, like a role in a movie or a strength requirement for a construction job).
But this isn't a job hunt. This is dating, the person you choose (for yourself) to invest your time, emotions, and romantic/sexual relations with. If you're dating seriously (kind of early for you), than you could even be in the market to choose the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. All of that is an incredibly important decision, and one that belongs to you and only you-- no one else can judge you on it or have any autonomy over it.
Unless you've like, knocked up a girl and promised to marry her, and told both families about it before running away-- than the shit is on you. In most circumstances where you haven't done anything irresponsible, the decision entirely belongs to you and no one can judge you for it.
If you couldn't ever see yourself marrying a Mexican girl, than you probably shouldn't be dating one seriosuly.
If you feel uncomfortable around Islam, you probably shouldn't marry a Muslim.
If you can't see yourself dating a much older woman, than etc. etc.
If the fact that this girl has a baby at 16 bothers you and you DON'T WANT TO SEE HER, don't-- and don't feel bad about it. You have to take care of yourself first.
In fact, it's not taking care of yourself, and trying to be "nice" to her by going out that would be the real tragedy-- that will end up hurting her more in the long run as well.
Just tell her that you don't want to see her, or that you just want to be friends. If she presses, just say that her having a kid bothers you and be honest. That's the best you can do, and that's all she can ask of you.
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Well, your dilemma is quite a big one. Chou has good advice. Sexuality and life partners... What you like, don't like, can't stand... It's not something you can choose, really, and you shouldn't force yourself into something you don't want to be in, especially since her so willingly giving you her number & having a kid at sixteen years of age does imply something about her sexual habits. I'm not about to call her a slut - there is more to people than meets the eye, and you should not judge a person based on a few sentences about them you read on the Internet; at least, not with a serious accusation. Many, many different things could have happened.
However-
That's the thing. You can never really tell about people based on one meeting. I'd recommend perusing her Facebook a little bit. What are her interests, friends, and other little quirks like? Take that into consideration. I wouldn't consider it stalking - it's not exactly a flimsy commitment, after all. I'd call it knowing what to expect, or research. It's not like you'd be analyzing her friends of friends to a "t". Just get some good background.
Also, you don't have to date right away, if you don't want to. You can chill, maybe with a group if you're nervous or don't want her to get up in your grill [if you think she might]. Being a teen mother might mean that she's quite stressed or would like some help with raising her child, and you would be a good candidate if her parents aren't helping. Raising a kid is hard work, especially if you're in school as well - so I wouldn't blame her, but because of the rather high chance of her being stressed, she might be a little... overzealous, I suppose?
Anyway, tl;dr - I'd be a bit more neutral or curious beforehand. Go on a group date if you can, just get to know her better. She could be super awesome - you ticked really nicely before, right? Have fun, be flexible, but be cautious. Don't get in too deep before you really know someone.
However-
That's the thing. You can never really tell about people based on one meeting. I'd recommend perusing her Facebook a little bit. What are her interests, friends, and other little quirks like? Take that into consideration. I wouldn't consider it stalking - it's not exactly a flimsy commitment, after all. I'd call it knowing what to expect, or research. It's not like you'd be analyzing her friends of friends to a "t". Just get some good background.
Also, you don't have to date right away, if you don't want to. You can chill, maybe with a group if you're nervous or don't want her to get up in your grill [if you think she might]. Being a teen mother might mean that she's quite stressed or would like some help with raising her child, and you would be a good candidate if her parents aren't helping. Raising a kid is hard work, especially if you're in school as well - so I wouldn't blame her, but because of the rather high chance of her being stressed, she might be a little... overzealous, I suppose?
Anyway, tl;dr - I'd be a bit more neutral or curious beforehand. Go on a group date if you can, just get to know her better. She could be super awesome - you ticked really nicely before, right? Have fun, be flexible, but be cautious. Don't get in too deep before you really know someone.
I didn't read the above posts.. so idk if it's already been said..
You're 16, she's 16 and has a kid, I don't know her back story, family life, or current story..
But really, at 16, do you really want to be with someone who has a kid and adds that huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge dynamic in your life? What if you date her for a while and the kid gets attached to you? What if you get attached to the kid but not her? It's a messy deal. And at 16 when you should really be loving the casual life and preparing your life educationally, I just don't see how this works out. Dating someone with a kid is hard enough at a later age, I can't imagine this at 16.
Doesn't mean she's a shit person and whatnot.. and it doesn't make you shit if you decide to back out.
"I don't want anything serious right now" is always a reliable out.
You're 16, she's 16 and has a kid, I don't know her back story, family life, or current story..
But really, at 16, do you really want to be with someone who has a kid and adds that huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge dynamic in your life? What if you date her for a while and the kid gets attached to you? What if you get attached to the kid but not her? It's a messy deal. And at 16 when you should really be loving the casual life and preparing your life educationally, I just don't see how this works out. Dating someone with a kid is hard enough at a later age, I can't imagine this at 16.
Doesn't mean she's a shit person and whatnot.. and it doesn't make you shit if you decide to back out.
"I don't want anything serious right now" is always a reliable out.
A few things I learned about relationships in my short 20 years of life:
1. Either you break up with them, or you stay with them forever. If you start a relationship, you better be looking for one or the other to begin with.
2.How much you care about someone has very little to do with how much you like having them around. An easier check would be how upset you get with them when they fail themselves.
3. Actively looking for a relationships tends to hinder your judgement. If you go hunting because you are hungry, you won't pick the best catch. Rather, you'll pick the first one that looks like it will satiate your hunger. Better to simply go about your life and wait for one so outstanding you can't help ignore it.
1. Either you break up with them, or you stay with them forever. If you start a relationship, you better be looking for one or the other to begin with.
2.How much you care about someone has very little to do with how much you like having them around. An easier check would be how upset you get with them when they fail themselves.
3. Actively looking for a relationships tends to hinder your judgement. If you go hunting because you are hungry, you won't pick the best catch. Rather, you'll pick the first one that looks like it will satiate your hunger. Better to simply go about your life and wait for one so outstanding you can't help ignore it.
Too true, all of it. I'd also like to add that if you are hunting for a partner, not only will you pick the first one that looks like it will "satiate your hunger" rather than finding a real gem, but you may come off as desperate, attract sleazebags/undesirable people and the other sex will have less respect for you. If you just go about with your life you never know what's around the corner. It's much more attractive to the other gender if you aren't hunting, you're content with your situation and have confidence in yourself.
@Harlot those above me have posted great advice, especially Chou who gave you great detail. Really, the most important thing here is to think about the grand scheme. This girl has a child, and anyone who dates her is agreeing to being involved with that child. You have to ask yourself if you are ready to take on that added responsibility in a relationship, and if you are not then you shouldn't date her. You might feel like you're being a dick, but you're really saving yourself, her, AND the kid a lot of stress and pain.
The only way I see dating her as a viable scenario is if A) you're fully prepared to take on the responsibility of helping her care for her child, or B) if she just wants to date you casually and has no intention of marrying you or letting you near her child. If scenario B is true, she must make it INESCAPABLY clear. If she expects you to love her AND her child, then you need to decide if you want that kind of obligation.
The key here, as others have stated, is to be completely honest about your feelings. Even if she reacts poorly to your candidness, you're still doing her a favor and preventing a great deal of suffering in the long run.
A good thing to say to her is "I know I'm not mature or responsible enough to be able to take care of you and the child as well as you deserve, and it wouldn't be fair to either of you if I took it on anyway, knowing that." Show her how you're making the decision for the benefit of her and her child, and she should understand.
The only way I see dating her as a viable scenario is if A) you're fully prepared to take on the responsibility of helping her care for her child, or B) if she just wants to date you casually and has no intention of marrying you or letting you near her child. If scenario B is true, she must make it INESCAPABLY clear. If she expects you to love her AND her child, then you need to decide if you want that kind of obligation.
The key here, as others have stated, is to be completely honest about your feelings. Even if she reacts poorly to your candidness, you're still doing her a favor and preventing a great deal of suffering in the long run.
A good thing to say to her is "I know I'm not mature or responsible enough to be able to take care of you and the child as well as you deserve, and it wouldn't be fair to either of you if I took it on anyway, knowing that." Show her how you're making the decision for the benefit of her and her child, and she should understand.
@Harlot
If you're so offput by her having a kid, you should definitely stop leading her on. Even if you do go out with her, it will probably be the only thing on your mind. And if you guys actually get pretty serious, you'll probably end up resenting the kid, at least at first.
I don't think it's a risk you should be taking at 16. If it gets serious, her kid could be a serious liability if you guys break up of anything.
If you're so offput by her having a kid, you should definitely stop leading her on. Even if you do go out with her, it will probably be the only thing on your mind. And if you guys actually get pretty serious, you'll probably end up resenting the kid, at least at first.
I don't think it's a risk you should be taking at 16. If it gets serious, her kid could be a serious liability if you guys break up of anything.
*communication*
at this stage i'm pretty sure her child is a much bigger part of her own life than it is of yours and although it's pretty damn silly to have to hide something like that, there are a multitude of reasons she may not have wanted to bring it up, namely the stigma around teen pregnancy/the way you'd react and maybe she doesn't expect you to get involved with the child in the first place -- it was just a first meeting into a potential date (if that's what it was supposed to be), after all. If you get along well there's no reason you can't continue doing so, but obviously in terms of an extended relationship this is something pretty major and as you said you may not really want to get close to a kid by extension. talk about all of it!
at this stage i'm pretty sure her child is a much bigger part of her own life than it is of yours and although it's pretty damn silly to have to hide something like that, there are a multitude of reasons she may not have wanted to bring it up, namely the stigma around teen pregnancy/the way you'd react and maybe she doesn't expect you to get involved with the child in the first place -- it was just a first meeting into a potential date (if that's what it was supposed to be), after all. If you get along well there's no reason you can't continue doing so, but obviously in terms of an extended relationship this is something pretty major and as you said you may not really want to get close to a kid by extension. talk about all of it!
Let's play the sex ed thread drinking game!
Take a drink every time somebody's problem is solved with more communication!
Take a drink every time somebody's problem is solved with more communication!
Take 2 shots every time someone's problem is solved with sex!
I'm wasted already come on guys
Also @GatoDelFuego it sounds funny but that literally does solve almost any relationship problem.
Also @GatoDelFuego it sounds funny but that literally does solve almost any relationship problem.
Is it worth my time dating a girl with a very busy schedule who lives almost hour an away at 18?
I feel like I need a reality check and yahoo answers just isn't cutting it tonight.
I feel like I need a reality check and yahoo answers just isn't cutting it tonight.
Busy schedule should never impede your ability to date. If you really connect with a person and want to be with them, you will FIND time in your schedule to do so. An hour isn't all that far as long as you both can drive, since you can meet at places in the middle for dates and such. If you both want to date, just do it. Your motivation to see one another will give you clues to whether you're meant to be or not.
"a girl."
Well gee, it doesn't sound like you know her very well. If you said "a girl I met at my favorite place ever" or "a girl I started talking to and really connected with" then you'd have a clear reason to overcome that barrier. Really, it's just not a lot of information to go on at all.
But, assuming this is just some good looking person you kinda know who seems interested in you, there's one thing to really focus on to overcome the distance:
Lots of talking really lets you sift through what the person is like, and gives you a much clearer picture of them. Being able to communicate often lets you make much more sound judgements of their character. Use text, skype, or facebook. Heck, maybe you have an advantage through the distance. (The closer she is to you, the harder it is to think, amiright guys? Ahehehe.) To keep the energy in the relationship, make sure you do see her at least once a week to hang out for a while, or for several short periods of time if that's all you can manage. But basically, if you maintain continuous communication with her and meet consistently then the small distance shouldn't be a problem.
Reminds me of another thing I've learned: Everyone sounds like a much cooler person than they are in the first few months of getting to know them. Everyone has faults and problems though. Bringing up your own can be a good way to make others feel comfortable revealing what they believe are their flaws. (hooray for honesty and stuff)
Oh, I also assume that everyone dates seriously. If you just want the chemical high of bodily contact, then there are probably other good or better looking people who are easier to reach.
going to need a lot more information here. can either of you drive? reliably? how busy is busy? how often would you get to go on dates? is that an amount you're comfortable with? do you like her? how much? have you liked other people more than her? if someone you liked a little less than her appeared half a mile down the street would part of you really want to get with them instead? ask yourself all this.
less than an hour is Not That Bad for people with cars honestly
Not just that, but communication really is is the key to solving problems.. Talking to each other, understanding where each other is coming from and working it out together. Two people will never think the same way by default so you need to communicate to solve anything. Nobody is perfect and things will surface that bother you about the other person. With your partner you need to appreciate the good, accept the not so good, communicate to solve your problems and understand that you aren't perfect either!
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We've been going out for two months, known eachother for longer. We call eachother and text constantly, but I saw her twice last month. One of those times was for less than a minute.
We go to the same uni but her workload has become more than anyone imagined and she's trying to juggle that with two jobs. I said I was okay with it when we talked about it last but now I'm not sure. She's my first serious commitment.
We go to the same uni but her workload has become more than anyone imagined and she's trying to juggle that with two jobs. I said I was okay with it when we talked about it last but now I'm not sure. She's my first serious commitment.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, we're both 19 years old. I recently took her virginity and have some questions.
Her hymen has been broken for a couple years but she lost her virginity to me in the beginning of August. Since then we've had sex about 6 or 7 times. The first time we had sex it hurt her a lot but she was wet enough that we could do it for a while before she told me to stop. She described the feeling as a stinging feeling with some cramps. It was pretty much the same the second time as well. By the third time the stinging feeling was gone, but she says that she still experiences occasional "cramps" as well as a consistent feeling of soreness(for lack of a better word to describe it, she says). I don't know if it's because we have been having sex too much. There has been at least one day separating each time we've done it.
I never have a problem fitting inside her, I'm of average size and there is always a lot of foreplay so that she's usually very wet once we start. Is this normal? Are there any ways to make it more pleasurable and less painful for her, or is it just a matter of her getting used to it? I guess this isn't the best place to ask since there are certainly more guys than girls on this site, but I figure maybe some of you have had similar experiences with your partners and could share some insight.
Her hymen has been broken for a couple years but she lost her virginity to me in the beginning of August. Since then we've had sex about 6 or 7 times. The first time we had sex it hurt her a lot but she was wet enough that we could do it for a while before she told me to stop. She described the feeling as a stinging feeling with some cramps. It was pretty much the same the second time as well. By the third time the stinging feeling was gone, but she says that she still experiences occasional "cramps" as well as a consistent feeling of soreness(for lack of a better word to describe it, she says). I don't know if it's because we have been having sex too much. There has been at least one day separating each time we've done it.
I never have a problem fitting inside her, I'm of average size and there is always a lot of foreplay so that she's usually very wet once we start. Is this normal? Are there any ways to make it more pleasurable and less painful for her, or is it just a matter of her getting used to it? I guess this isn't the best place to ask since there are certainly more guys than girls on this site, but I figure maybe some of you have had similar experiences with your partners and could share some insight.
stop taking advice from strangers online about what is obviously a medical issue and tell her to see a doctor
quoted for truth. If you don't have the money to see a doctor I'd suggest taking some time off until she "heals" like the poster above cookie said.