I...personally don't really see the rush or need to get into a relationship whether you're gay or straight or whatever.
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Serious LGBTQ
- Thread starter Chinchou
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agreed im 20 and ive never been in a relationship by choice, but its also to silly to tell people that they dont need to get into a relationship bc we all feel differently. there are people who want relationships as soon as they hit puberty and i know people who has never wanted a relationship even now at 25 years of age.
also when it comes to bigots, you shouldnt really worry about them. there will always be people who hate a certain race or sexuality (or hell even in todays society we still have full blown misogynists). some peoples views are easily changed especially when they have friends or family with a different sexual orientation other than heterosexual (as was with the case of a couple of my friends who couldnt stand gay people before i came out to them), but some were just raised to be filled with hate and theres nothing we can do.
also when it comes to bigots, you shouldnt really worry about them. there will always be people who hate a certain race or sexuality (or hell even in todays society we still have full blown misogynists). some peoples views are easily changed especially when they have friends or family with a different sexual orientation other than heterosexual (as was with the case of a couple of my friends who couldnt stand gay people before i came out to them), but some were just raised to be filled with hate and theres nothing we can do.
So, the problem is that your social enviroment will probably shun you, right?
But why will they shun you?
Because they think that being gay is wrong/evil/unnatural.
But why do they think that?
Because basically every anti gay person is simply uneducated about homosexuality and/or their religion tells them that homosexuality is "wrong/evil".
But that's not really their fault, I mean they are probably not educated about the subject, because they just have no interest in getting educated, as they are not gay/don't know an openly gay person that they care for. Or/and they just felt that there was no reason to, because to them, it's very simple:
Man + Woman = Baby = Normal, but Man + Man = No Baby = Not Normal.
Also, they might have grown up with their parents/religion/social enviroment telling them homosexuality is wrong, so they believed it, of course.
The point I'm trying to make is that if you ever decide to come out to people, who might shun you, such as your parents, you will need to be prepared, as in be able to educate them about the subject. Why are people/animals gay? What does being gay even mean? Can you stop being gay?
I hope your social enviroment isn't too religious, because it is a lot harder to educate very religious people, as you can imagine.
Oh and I would come out to a person that won't have a problem with you being gay, first. Is there such a person?
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Hahaha yotube comment? Who cares? I'd say most of those hate-filled comments come from guys/chicks who don't really hate gays/whatever and just post that from the safety the internets privacy creates. You really shouldn't be taking any comments on the internet seriously. It's when they are willing to go outside that you can safely assume they mean it.
And yes, the best thing we can do is let time pass by. Young people tend to be rebels remember, so the chances of passing certain bigotry decreases every generation unless the people in question live totally isolated or isolate themselves from a ever more tolerant general population/culture.
Wow, it has been a long time since I've made a Smogon post, but this thread piques my interest. I used to be somewhat active here a while back, but then kind of fell off the face of the Earth, because well, I came out. A little over three years ago, I tried not to let anything on, but I was seriously at the most depressed point of my life. Drinking, doing drugs, messing up in school, burning bridges with friends and family, all to escape. After a particularly bad period, I realized I was at a fork in life. Transition or die. I didn't see any middle ground.
In November of 2010, I began coming out to various friends and family. In addition, I also sought out a counselor at my university specializing in gender identity. For the next year, I just began setting the foundation for when I would start living as a girl. In September of 2011, I began hormones. I had laser hair removal January of 2012, and for the last year, I've been living full time as a girl.
Coming out was anything but easy. I lost most of my "friends." But as they say, they weren't really friends to begin with. My family has been pretty crappy about the whole situation. Dad still calls me by male name and pronouns. Mom tries to get it right when I'm around, but goes right back male name/pronouns when I'm not. Thus, she has a way of "slipping" because she's not taking it seriously. My little brother outed me to just about everyone in my county. Thus, in addition to receiving death threats, I was also the laughing stock of small town Virginia. My other little brother has been nothing but supportive though, so it's not all bad.
Then there comes the other side of the equation, being yourself. The best moments of my life all occurred in the past two years. Clothes shopping with friends, grabbing coffee while gossiping, being hit on by guys, having complete strangers "get it right," going for walks in a winter coat through a city during a light snow flurry (a personal favorite of mine). There really is no comparison to how great those feel. Which is ironic, cause as much as transsexuals discuss how shitty dysphoria feels, how great being out feels is just as powerful. Aurora, I know it's tough, believe me I've been there. I know when you're in the closet, it's easy to miss the forest for the trees, but one day, you'll transition, society will see you as the girl you are, and it will be great. Don't miss out on it.
Which is why I kind of decided to make this post. If Aurora or Princess Bubblegum need advice from someone who is a bit further ahead, I just wanted to put myself out there as a resource.
In November of 2010, I began coming out to various friends and family. In addition, I also sought out a counselor at my university specializing in gender identity. For the next year, I just began setting the foundation for when I would start living as a girl. In September of 2011, I began hormones. I had laser hair removal January of 2012, and for the last year, I've been living full time as a girl.
Coming out was anything but easy. I lost most of my "friends." But as they say, they weren't really friends to begin with. My family has been pretty crappy about the whole situation. Dad still calls me by male name and pronouns. Mom tries to get it right when I'm around, but goes right back male name/pronouns when I'm not. Thus, she has a way of "slipping" because she's not taking it seriously. My little brother outed me to just about everyone in my county. Thus, in addition to receiving death threats, I was also the laughing stock of small town Virginia. My other little brother has been nothing but supportive though, so it's not all bad.
Then there comes the other side of the equation, being yourself. The best moments of my life all occurred in the past two years. Clothes shopping with friends, grabbing coffee while gossiping, being hit on by guys, having complete strangers "get it right," going for walks in a winter coat through a city during a light snow flurry (a personal favorite of mine). There really is no comparison to how great those feel. Which is ironic, cause as much as transsexuals discuss how shitty dysphoria feels, how great being out feels is just as powerful. Aurora, I know it's tough, believe me I've been there. I know when you're in the closet, it's easy to miss the forest for the trees, but one day, you'll transition, society will see you as the girl you are, and it will be great. Don't miss out on it.
Which is why I kind of decided to make this post. If Aurora or Princess Bubblegum need advice from someone who is a bit further ahead, I just wanted to put myself out there as a resource.
Hey :)
Cool that you decided to make that post. Are your parents religious?
Why do you think does your Dad not use the proper pronouns?
I come from a traditional background socially, politically, and religiously. Not to derail or offend such points of view, but yeah. Socially, my family still see women as inferior to men and LGBT issues as "weird fetishes." Politically, they tend to follow Glenn Beck and take hard right stances. Religiously, Southern Baptist. And then, go figure, I'm to the left of Castro...
It's kind of an awkward situation, too. I can tell that my mom wishes I could be "normal" and my dad is embarrassed by me, but they try not to say anything. So, they didn't kick me out when I started transitioning and they do invite me to family events. But, their superficial support just makes certain moments awkward. I know I'm being vague, but it's one of those subtle things you have to be there for. Like, when I got my name changed and driver's license updated, I showed them (cause obviously I was proud of it) and you could see them giving one another side looks of discomfort. This was last June, or 2 years since coming out to them.
It's kind of an awkward situation, too. I can tell that my mom wishes I could be "normal" and my dad is embarrassed by me, but they try not to say anything. So, they didn't kick me out when I started transitioning and they do invite me to family events. But, their superficial support just makes certain moments awkward. I know I'm being vague, but it's one of those subtle things you have to be there for. Like, when I got my name changed and driver's license updated, I showed them (cause obviously I was proud of it) and you could see them giving one another side looks of discomfort. This was last June, or 2 years since coming out to them.
My grandparents are coming over for Thanksgiving. I think they're at least neutral on LGBTQ but I'm not 100% sure. How do I test the waters without outright stating or hinting that I'm bisexual?
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Its been a bit, so I might as well post a status update or whatever.
At this point all my immediate family knows, and my younger sister has a better understanding, my Aunt also knows since I know my mother and her are close and she needs someone to talk to about this. Also, my Aunt is like a salon person, so that may be useful (although I hear from my mother that she things I am like someone from Glee or something >.>).
As far as transitioning is going, at this point I have a decent collection of women's clothes to wear, although I only wear them at home and in my dorm. I also shave my legs and torso routinely. I now go to a therapist about ever 2-3 weeks to talk about stuff and help me transition, and a meeting once a month with other trans people. Most of the people are older than me and much more transitioned, but its still a worthwhile experience. Outside of that, not much else, I do know for a fact of what I am now, I have a certain clarity compared to the confusion I was a few months back. I know for example that I want hormone replacement therapy, while I hold no grudges against my penis and am in no way stearing for surgery. Also, as mentioned a while back I am much more happy now, and have lost about 20 pounds, so I am healthier to.
I will have to wait a few more months though for HRT (about 2) as my therapist cannot legally write a letter under whatever policy she is on, and personally she doesn't think I an quite there mentally yet. She assured me though that she is not a 'gatekeeper' (seems to be a common word thrown around in the trans* community) and if I want to I can go to a consent clinic or manually get an appointment from an endocrinologist. As a certain level, I do agree, I do have a bit more mentally to go, however the real reason I am willing to wait is for my mother, who is supporting me and I don't want to put any undo pressure on her.
About Thanksgiving, from what I have been hearing it to a good time to come out to the broader family, although most people who do it are much more advanced than I am, so idk. There is also the practical matter, than I don't really feel like taking off my nail polish and put on a facade on Thursday, for possibly no good reason. :P
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One thing I have been noticing recently is our culture's strange perception to equate penis = manhood. I see it, well, everywhere. Even among my family it can be hard to break this, both my mother and my sister though for a while that I wanted to have my dick cut off because of this x_x.
At this point all my immediate family knows, and my younger sister has a better understanding, my Aunt also knows since I know my mother and her are close and she needs someone to talk to about this. Also, my Aunt is like a salon person, so that may be useful (although I hear from my mother that she things I am like someone from Glee or something >.>).
As far as transitioning is going, at this point I have a decent collection of women's clothes to wear, although I only wear them at home and in my dorm. I also shave my legs and torso routinely. I now go to a therapist about ever 2-3 weeks to talk about stuff and help me transition, and a meeting once a month with other trans people. Most of the people are older than me and much more transitioned, but its still a worthwhile experience. Outside of that, not much else, I do know for a fact of what I am now, I have a certain clarity compared to the confusion I was a few months back. I know for example that I want hormone replacement therapy, while I hold no grudges against my penis and am in no way stearing for surgery. Also, as mentioned a while back I am much more happy now, and have lost about 20 pounds, so I am healthier to.
I will have to wait a few more months though for HRT (about 2) as my therapist cannot legally write a letter under whatever policy she is on, and personally she doesn't think I an quite there mentally yet. She assured me though that she is not a 'gatekeeper' (seems to be a common word thrown around in the trans* community) and if I want to I can go to a consent clinic or manually get an appointment from an endocrinologist. As a certain level, I do agree, I do have a bit more mentally to go, however the real reason I am willing to wait is for my mother, who is supporting me and I don't want to put any undo pressure on her.
About Thanksgiving, from what I have been hearing it to a good time to come out to the broader family, although most people who do it are much more advanced than I am, so idk. There is also the practical matter, than I don't really feel like taking off my nail polish and put on a facade on Thursday, for possibly no good reason. :P
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One thing I have been noticing recently is our culture's strange perception to equate penis = manhood. I see it, well, everywhere. Even among my family it can be hard to break this, both my mother and my sister though for a while that I wanted to have my dick cut off because of this x_x.
I've been reading your posts every so often when I emerge from my Smogon semi-retirement and I just wanted to say how amazingly happy and proud I am to see how far you've come. I think you're underestimating how far you've truly come, and I definitely think you've crossed the worst of it. I'm so glad that your immediate family is supportive and trying to understand, and it's so awesome how you're sharing your story with all of us.
Quite honestly, it makes me feel awful that I haven't even come out to more than one member of my immediate family, even though I know they'll be mostly okay with it. In that way, you're both an inspiration and a humbler ^.^
The comment about penis = masculinity is something I've never really thought about, but it's so true. I mean, we even call people's penises their "manhoods" and we even refer to transgendered women (offensively speaking) as "chicks with dicks", not "chicks without vaginas", although that is admittedly less catchy. I imagine it stems partly from the fact that it's a lot easier to notice something extruding from your body rather than something that doesn't - if you wanted to know whether an elephant at the zoo was a boy or a girl you would check to see if they had a penis, not if they lacked a vagina.
At any rate, best of luck and thank you <3
One of my good friends is undergoing a transition at the moment, still pre-op. She just posted this a few hours ago on facebook after apparently locking herself out of her dorm, "I was seriously interrogated when I asked the guard for a temporary key, my card was NOT my photo. #transProblems." Obviously, she needs a new photo on her school ID, probably a new name too. I mean the purpose is security, and she just doesn't look like her old photo anymore.
So I'm curious how people tend to deal with things like this, with pictures yes, but also with names. Like do you change your name on every account for everything you use? I would imagine a lot of people don't bother, but wouldn't that cause problems eventually?
So I'm curious how people tend to deal with things like this, with pictures yes, but also with names. Like do you change your name on every account for everything you use? I would imagine a lot of people don't bother, but wouldn't that cause problems eventually?
I've currently been struggling with my own identity- biologically male, straight, but I'm incredibly uncomfortable with my body, masculinity and overall appearance. I shave my torso, and would my legs and under arms if but they're more obvious and my mom shows concern when she sees I shave my legs. My facial hear takes an annoying two days to grow, and one day is enough for a pretty good five o' clock shadow. Otherwise, though, I guess my body is pretty fit to be feminine. I have a slender figure, nothing too muscly or bulky.
I haven't come out to anybody except my own partner and yesterday, one of my college classes. Family and friends don't know.
How did those who are further along fully realize they wanted to be different or change? I'm such a weird mix of both femininity and masculinity and at times I feel like I lean to one side more than the other.
I haven't come out to anybody except my own partner and yesterday, one of my college classes. Family and friends don't know.
How did those who are further along fully realize they wanted to be different or change? I'm such a weird mix of both femininity and masculinity and at times I feel like I lean to one side more than the other.
Yeah, I don't think she's implying transphobia as much as just observing that what she just experienced is something a cisperson would almost never experience. I can attest that I had a similar problem (I waited a while to change my license and name) and got weird looks quite often when I'd go to bars. As to what accounts you change your name with, pretty much everywhere. I've changed it with my local county (the clerk was really cool, she seemed interested in learning about trans-issues), the DMV, my undergrad institution, my bank, my current college, social security, and a few others. I haven't changed it yet with a secondary bank account or my high school, though I know I will have to update the bank account eventually. And then medically, I haven't updated anything, just got new health insurance and started seeing new doctors, but yeah, otherwise, I would have to update their files as well. Hope this helps.
How about Thanksgiving? Any interesting stories? Mine's pretty much limited to an uncle skipping dinner when I showed up and his wife and daughter being passive aggressive towards me the whole evening. At one point my aunt flippantly dismissed a cake I made as "store bought" because she didn't like that everyone preferred the (BAN ME PLEASE)'s dessert to hers. I then told her all the ingredients and directions to bake it. Fun times.
I'm curious - why do you think you need to change? Aside from not liking your appearance, which is pretty normal as a teenager. I don't like mine, either.
You're allowed to be both masculine and feminine, you know. Nobody can ever tell you what you should act like just because of what's between your legs - that's horse shit and you know it. I actually had no idea that this was so heavily ingrained into people until recently; my mum has always told me that I could like whatever I wanted, and I've always picked a mix of things typically considered "masculine" and "feminine" and have never let anyone tell me that I can't like the colour purple and also Beyblades.
Let me say it again: You do not have to change, nor will you ever have to change, just because of what you're like as a person. That thing between your legs? That means nothing to who you truly are. You could cook and clean and love kids and fashion and makeup and still be just as male as some macho body builder. Being male and female doesn't matter in any way except biological matters, what truly matters is what you want to be and want to do with your life, and not some people that think that you need to change just because you don't fit their narrow and shitty definition of what a male should and should not be.
I realize that's pretty normal, but that's the question I've been answering myself. I wonder if in changing myself, I'd truly be comfortable? It's not as if I couldn't achieve anything by not being either sex. It's this kind of tug-of-war I'm always at with myself.
As for everything you said, I'm at least glad most of society is more accepting of these things. . .it's silly that such concern is shown over shaved legs in my household. I'm still young with time. . .I know I'll figure it out.
I'm pretty sure stuff like this goes here, so here goes- but can I just sort of pop in and introduce myself here? If so, here is my introduction. Forgive this ridiculous English. It's my first language but sometimes I lose my grasp of it. I'm not 100% sure why either.
So I'm 17 and I'm FTM, and I came out in the last week of October of this year. I want very badly to transition soon and get on with stuff, but that's a slow process that'll probably last through college. And my Dad is pretty tolerant of LGBTQ people, but I think it'll be different for him when it's his own kid. Only my mom and my aunt and uncle know and it's hard, because I /really want/ to be able to tell people. I'm not super into competitive Pokémon at the moment and I'm here because it's an interest I want to have, but just haven't gotten around to yet, and that's sort of why I'm on Smogon. I was just browsing and saw this thread and this happened. Yay.
So yeah, hi, people on this thread... [flies away, back from whence I came]
So I'm 17 and I'm FTM, and I came out in the last week of October of this year. I want very badly to transition soon and get on with stuff, but that's a slow process that'll probably last through college. And my Dad is pretty tolerant of LGBTQ people, but I think it'll be different for him when it's his own kid. Only my mom and my aunt and uncle know and it's hard, because I /really want/ to be able to tell people. I'm not super into competitive Pokémon at the moment and I'm here because it's an interest I want to have, but just haven't gotten around to yet, and that's sort of why I'm on Smogon. I was just browsing and saw this thread and this happened. Yay.
So yeah, hi, people on this thread... [flies away, back from whence I came]
So where are you in starting transitioning, do you have like a therapist yet? If you don't I can hook you up with some resources, although I imagine a big city like Dublin has plenty of therapists. The main reason I had a hard time finding one is because I live in like a therapist dead zone, I only found this out when I got into group sessions.
I am just getting into this myself, but it seems like FTM transitions are a bit easier than MTF. I have a few FTM transitioning people in my group and for the person who has mostly already transitioned, and I honestly wasn't able to tell that he was once a woman. I thought he was just some guy who popped into the group to observe us. There is also the fact that men aren't held up to nearly the same standard as women as far as appearance goes, but lets not get into that here.
So yeah, hope everything turns out alright.
I am just getting into this myself, but it seems like FTM transitions are a bit easier than MTF. I have a few FTM transitioning people in my group and for the person who has mostly already transitioned, and I honestly wasn't able to tell that he was once a woman. I thought he was just some guy who popped into the group to observe us. There is also the fact that men aren't held up to nearly the same standard as women as far as appearance goes, but lets not get into that here.
So yeah, hope everything turns out alright.
I completely agree with you about MTF being harder. And as for the guy at your group, that is exactly the same reaction I hope to get. I've got a pretty androgynous face which I am uberly thankful for.
I'm very early in transitioning, nothing done yet therapy wise, but hoping to kick that off in a year or so.
I'm being kicked off my phone but I did intend a longer reply!
I'm very early in transitioning, nothing done yet therapy wise, but hoping to kick that off in a year or so.
I'm being kicked off my phone but I did intend a longer reply!
I might post some stuff later, but for now I want to share this video
even if you aren't trans, its still very interesting and cool to see how someone can do this
even if you aren't trans, its still very interesting and cool to see how someone can do this
BenTheDemon
Banned deucer.
Being from a small Republican town in Kentucky, we aren't looked fondly upon. I'm a very outspoken person and if someone gives me shit, I just ignore them. If they keep bothering me, I just tell them to fuck off.
Being 6' and 225lbs might also help.
Being 6' and 225lbs might also help.
Well this is one way to lose my smogon virginity, so to speak. I know I'm bi, more attracted to the female compared to the males. I think I may be trans*, but Im not sure. I did/sadly sometimes still do something on Omegle Im not proud of. Because Im depressed alot, I have very little self worth so instead of physically self harming I go on there use a fake picture of some former "alternative" model, and act like the biggest whore in the world. Im physically male in case you were still curious. I act like that just to know Ive done something right. Along with that, when I watch porn or read literotica, I ALWAYS imagine myself as the girl. Idk if that has to do with my submissiveness or if Im trans*. It may also be because I despise my physical body. The weight, the body hair, and perhaps the most ,for lack of a better term, cliche/emberrassing/hypocritical thing my penis. Size and existance. Ive tried getting help in The Happy Place on PS, but Im still not sure. Theres my little rant/ beg for help.... And one more thing Princess and everyone else good luck.
I'm not sure I have the answer to your questions, but believe you me, there are much better, safer places to use than the happy place. The anonymity of the internet tends to bring out the worst in people, to the point that PS has avoided giving rooms to socially controversial groups not out of concerns over the controversy themselves, but out of fear that they would become a lighting rod for hatred and prejudice. With regards to the alternatives, a quick google search brings up a refreshingly big number of support groups, perhaps one of them might serve you better.
Also,
I'm not a sociologist, but I wouldn't read to much into that. From my outlook on reality, there is no intrinsic weak/strong relationship to gender identity and feelings in life in general. You don't have to come up with a definition or try to fit into a societal mold. If someone else reading with more experience in this area could continue down this line of thinking, I believe that would be beneficial.
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