AccidentalGreed
Sweet and bitter as chocolate.
I...personally don't really see the rush or need to get into a relationship whether you're gay or straight or whatever.
So, the problem is that your social enviroment will probably shun you, right?That is kind of like me too :/ Everyone suspects I'm gay, and alot of people say that they thought that when they first met me. Idk tbh, I want to come out, but I can't in fear of being shunned. My parents don't exactly support gay people so... There is this one guy I am so deeply in love with, but he's not gay and it's just ughhhhhh. So idk.
Hahaha yotube comment? Who cares? I'd say most of those hate-filled comments come from guys/chicks who don't really hate gays/whatever and just post that from the safety the internets privacy creates. You really shouldn't be taking any comments on the internet seriously. It's when they are willing to go outside that you can safely assume they mean it.On a somewhat-similar topic, how exactly is the best way to deal with people who are either ignorant about or blatantly against LGBTQ rights or even just the people in general? I'm not talking about people who misuse terms or unintentionally objectify/insult people (guilty as charged >.>), I'm talking about full-on, youtube-comment, "(BAN ME PLEASE)"-should-die-in-a-hole people. Is the best solution really just to ignore them until they die off, or is there something that can be actively done to overcome and educate these prejudices?
Hey :)Wow, it has been a long time since I've made a Smogon post, but this thread piques my interest. I used to be somewhat active here a while back, but then kind of fell off the face of the Earth, because well, I came out. A little over three years ago, I tried not to let anything on, but I was seriously at the most depressed point of my life. Drinking, doing drugs, messing up in school, burning bridges with friends and family, all to escape. After a particularly bad period, I realized I was at a fork in life. Transition or die. I didn't see any middle ground.
In November of 2010, I began coming out to various friends and family. In addition, I also sought out a counselor at my university specializing in gender identity. For the next year, I just began setting the foundation for when I would start living as a girl. In September of 2011, I began hormones. I had laser hair removal January of 2012, and for the last year, I've been living full time as a girl.
Coming out was anything but easy. I lost most of my "friends." But as they say, they weren't really friends to begin with. My family has been pretty crappy about the whole situation. Dad still calls me by male name and pronouns. Mom tries to get it right when I'm around, but goes right back male name/pronouns when I'm not. Thus, she has a way of "slipping" because she's not taking it seriously. My little brother outed me to just about everyone in my county. Thus, in addition to receiving death threats, I was also the laughing stock of small town Virginia. My other little brother has been nothing but supportive though, so it's not all bad.
Then there comes the other side of the equation, being yourself. The best moments of my life all occurred in the past two years. Clothes shopping with friends, grabbing coffee while gossiping, being hit on by guys, having complete strangers "get it right," going for walks in a winter coat through a city during a light snow flurry (a personal favorite of mine). There really is no comparison to how great those feel. Which is ironic, cause as much as transsexuals discuss how shitty dysphoria feels, how great being out feels is just as powerful. Aurora, I know it's tough, believe me I've been there. I know when you're in the closet, it's easy to miss the forest for the trees, but one day, you'll transition, society will see you as the girl you are, and it will be great. Don't miss out on it.
Which is why I kind of decided to make this post. If Aurora or Princess Bubblegum need advice from someone who is a bit further ahead, I just wanted to put myself out there as a resource.
I've been reading your posts every so often when I emerge from my Smogon semi-retirement and I just wanted to say how amazingly happy and proud I am to see how far you've come. I think you're underestimating how far you've truly come, and I definitely think you've crossed the worst of it. I'm so glad that your immediate family is supportive and trying to understand, and it's so awesome how you're sharing your story with all of us.Its been a bit, so I might as well post a status update or whatever.
At this point all my immediate family knows, and my younger sister has a better understanding, my Aunt also knows since I know my mother and her are close and she needs someone to talk to about this. Also, my Aunt is like a salon person, so that may be useful (although I hear from my mother that she things I am like someone from Glee or something >.>).
As far as transitioning is going, at this point I have a decent collection of women's clothes to wear, although I only wear them at home and in my dorm. I also shave my legs and torso routinely. I now go to a therapist about ever 2-3 weeks to talk about stuff and help me transition, and a meeting once a month with other trans people. Most of the people are older than me and much more transitioned, but its still a worthwhile experience. Outside of that, not much else, I do know for a fact of what I am now, I have a certain clarity compared to the confusion I was a few months back. I know for example that I want hormone replacement therapy, while I hold no grudges against my penis and am in no way stearing for surgery. Also, as mentioned a while back I am much more happy now, and have lost about 20 pounds, so I am healthier to.
I will have to wait a few more months though for HRT (about 2) as my therapist cannot legally write a letter under whatever policy she is on, and personally she doesn't think I an quite there mentally yet. She assured me though that she is not a 'gatekeeper' (seems to be a common word thrown around in the trans* community) and if I want to I can go to a consent clinic or manually get an appointment from an endocrinologist. As a certain level, I do agree, I do have a bit more mentally to go, however the real reason I am willing to wait is for my mother, who is supporting me and I don't want to put any undo pressure on her.
About Thanksgiving, from what I have been hearing it to a good time to come out to the broader family, although most people who do it are much more advanced than I am, so idk. There is also the practical matter, than I don't really feel like taking off my nail polish and put on a facade on Thursday, for possibly no good reason. :P
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One thing I have been noticing recently is our culture's strange perception to equate penis = manhood. I see it, well, everywhere. Even among my family it can be hard to break this, both my mother and my sister though for a while that I wanted to have my dick cut off because of this x_x.
Yeah, I don't think she's implying transphobia as much as just observing that what she just experienced is something a cisperson would almost never experience. I can attest that I had a similar problem (I waited a while to change my license and name) and got weird looks quite often when I'd go to bars. As to what accounts you change your name with, pretty much everywhere. I've changed it with my local county (the clerk was really cool, she seemed interested in learning about trans-issues), the DMV, my undergrad institution, my bank, my current college, social security, and a few others. I haven't changed it yet with a secondary bank account or my high school, though I know I will have to update the bank account eventually. And then medically, I haven't updated anything, just got new health insurance and started seeing new doctors, but yeah, otherwise, I would have to update their files as well. Hope this helps.One of my good friends is undergoing a transition at the moment, still pre-op. She just posted this a few hours ago on facebook after apparently locking herself out of her dorm, "I was seriously interrogated when I asked the guard for a temporary key, my card was NOT my photo. #transProblems." Obviously, she needs a new photo on her school ID, probably a new name too. I mean the purpose is security, and she just doesn't look like her old photo anymore.
So I'm curious how people tend to deal with things like this, with pictures yes, but also with names. Like do you change your name on every account for everything you use? I would imagine a lot of people don't bother, but wouldn't that cause problems eventually?
I'm curious - why do you think you need to change? Aside from not liking your appearance, which is pretty normal as a teenager. I don't like mine, either.I've currently been struggling with my own identity- biologically male, straight, but I'm incredibly uncomfortable with my body, masculinity and overall appearance. I shave my torso, and would my legs and under arms if but they're more obvious and my mom shows concern when she sees I shave my legs. My facial hear takes an annoying two days to grow, and one day is enough for a pretty good five o' clock shadow. Otherwise, though, I guess my body is pretty fit to be feminine. I have a slender figure, nothing too muscly or bulky.
I haven't come out to anybody except my own partner and yesterday, one of my college classes. Family and friends don't know.
How did those who are further along fully realize they wanted to be different or change? I'm such a weird mix of both femininity and masculinity and at times I feel like I lean to one side more than the other.
I realize that's pretty normal, but that's the question I've been answering myself. I wonder if in changing myself, I'd truly be comfortable? It's not as if I couldn't achieve anything by not being either sex. It's this kind of tug-of-war I'm always at with myself.I'm curious - why do you think you need to change? Aside from not liking your appearance, which is pretty normal as a teenager. I don't like mine, either.
Well this is one way to lose my smogon virginity, so to speak. I know I'm bi, more attracted to the female compared to the males. I think I may be trans*, but Im not sure. I did/sadly sometimes still do something on Omegle Im not proud of. Because Im depressed alot, I have very little self worth so instead of physically self harming I go on there use a fake picture of some former "alternative" model, and act like the biggest whore in the world. Im physically male in case you were still curious. I act like that just to know Ive done something right. Along with that, when I watch porn or read literotica, I ALWAYS imagine myself as the girl. Idk if that has to do with my submissiveness or if Im trans*. It may also be because I despise my physical body. The weight, the body hair, and perhaps the most ,for lack of a better term, cliche/emberrassing/hypocritical thing my penis. Size and existance. Ive tried getting help in The Happy Place on PS, but Im still not sure. Theres my little rant/ beg for help.... And one more thing Princess and everyone else good luck.
I'm not a sociologist, but I wouldn't read to much into that. From my outlook on reality, there is no intrinsic weak/strong relationship to gender identity and feelings in life in general. You don't have to come up with a definition or try to fit into a societal mold. If someone else reading with more experience in this area could continue down this line of thinking, I believe that would be beneficial.Along with that, when I watch porn or read literotica, I ALWAYS imagine myself as the girl. Idk if that has to do with my submissiveness or if Im trans*.