Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread

ok i have spent a disturbingly large amount of time over the last couple days worrying that i am going to spend the rest of my life alone so much so that ive actually reached the point of posting in this thread

basically i know that the better boyfriend material you are the better girlfriend material youre likely to get. so instead of going hunting for some perfect girl whos going to just not be interested in me because im a fugly nerd i decided i should probably work on making myself better boyfriend material so i can actually Get The Girl when I want to

so this is a question to all the Smogirls reading this thread, what do you look for in guys, so I can try to work on those things so i dont die alone
Things all guys (and girls) should do for their partner, whether they have found them yet or not.
-Be healthy
-Have life goals that you pursue
-Have self confidence
-Be outgoing (or at least enough to make conversation)

The above traits are HOT in ANYONE
 

Stratos

Banned deucer.
anyway, to Pwnemon , I'm a straight dude but I've been in the same position before (sort of) so I'll try and do the best I can

I think the first thing you need to do is ditch the "I'm gonna die alone" mindset, since that basically sets the stage for every interaction you'd make with a woman. It cripples your confidence and probably shows.

There's a few things that you can directly control. Since you describe yourself as a neckbeard, I'm gonna suggest you take a closer look at your hygiene and the way you dress. Shave off that neard, it's probably doing you no favors. If you're gonna have facial hair, keep it groomed and clean. As for the clothes, all I can say is to upgrade from the tshirt and cargo shorts combo (again going with the neckbeard stereotype here). You know, nice pair of jeans, button downs, chinos, etc. You don't need to like, overdress of anything but having more (nicer) options in your wardrobe is never a bad thing. People take notice if you're wearing nicer clothes and make an effort on your appearance, especially women.

Honestly, depending on your age, online dating is definitely an option. I don't really use it myself (21, in college), but it seems like a decent way to meet people and not have to worry about making the very first impression in person (if you get nervous), though it can be limiting as well.

Probably some shitty advice, but I tried.
haha oops i use the word 'neckbeard' as a synonym for 'person who would spend enough time on smogon to get a custom banner' i dont actually have a neckbeard

but your advice is super helpful, i definitely dont put as much effort into dressing confidently as i should and going to college new this fall is a good time to turn over that leaf...

In the same process myself as of about a week ago. Please PM/post tips
been clean for a month because of religious conviction. it gets easier after a couple weeks because you lose the "bored? fap" but thats only one of the two causes, horniness can still happen. when it does, i literally physically separate myself from the computer and find something to do (like shuffle a deck of cards) until it goes away
 

AB2

is an absolute ape
is a Team Rater Alumnus
Ok so I have this conundrum.

I just started a new relationship with this girl that I met in college. She's really really cute, about 5'4 a little chubby with dimples. Let's call her Denise. Anyways, I met Denise in my psychology 101 class at the end of last semester and we were in a group project and really hit it off well. I felt the chemistry pretty strongly so I asked her out on a date to the local pizza place where we got to know each other as she put away 3/4 of a mushroom and pepperoni pie with parm cheese and bread sticks. Once finals came rolling around, the work load got really stressful so Denise and I didn't talk really all finals week until the end where we exchanged numbers and promised to keep in contact over the summer. Anyways, I met this other really cute girl from my town over the summer at my job let's call her Linda. Since I have been doing nothing this summer but furiously playing pokemon, I had enough time to spend time with Linda which eventually lead to a hookup or two.

Here's where it gets a little hairy though. I was hooking up with Linda last week when I got a text from Denise afterwards that said she'd be in the area and wanted to hang out a little bit. I felt really guilty since the chemistry between Denise and I was really great at the pizza place and in psychology class but I'm really unsure of what to do. I kind of like Linda as well but we haven't really made anything "official" outside of mutually agreed upon hookups and what not. To throw another aipom wrench into the mix, Denise posted a picture of herself on facebook last week and it looks like she has gained at least 50 pounds in the past few months. Now, I'm not going to judge anyone based on weight here but I have literally no idea what happened to her. Not only that, but she's been linking me articles about different "fat sex positions" that she has "been interested in trying out." I don't want to I'm really not sure about what to do about the "relationship" with Linda or what to tell Denise or if I even find her physically attractive anymore. I'm really confused and I don't know if the fling between Linda and I will last past a summer romance and I don't know if Denise even wants to be with me at all! Anyone have any advice or potential fat sex tips that I can utilize?
 
Things all guys (and girls) should do for their partner, whether they have found them yet or not.
-Be healthy
Well, you see sometimes it just can't be helped ... but aside from that, you're not wrong.

I agree that taking care of yourself is super important! Not just to attract somebody, but also for your own sake. If you care about yourself in all aspects, it will show, both to yourself and others; your best attributes will be emphasised and people will notice. So, physical grooming and hygiene are obvious ones, but also taking care of yourself emotionally and psychologically -- work and show progress on your social skills and develop confidence/ability to approach others, some assertiveness so you can handle situations, stability, self-esteem, any unresolved issues; obviously you can't fix or improve all this at once, but it's always a good thing to aim for. Also pay attention to things like general demeanour (politeness, showing empathy towards others, not perpetually being in a cloud of sullenness and standoffishness, etc.) and social cues (tact, being a good listener, knowing when to bring up stuff, whether to make an effort to resume a conversation, knowing whether to rant about your hobby or not -- passion and knowledge about something are magnetic qualities to have when not pushed to the point of tedium ...).

Every person has different things that attract them in a person. Even if you're a nice person, a smart person, a witty person, whatever, you still might not be someone's cup of tea. There are all kinds of dating habits, some people will only date people they know well whereas others (it helps you're just starting college, Pwnemon) will be looking in a wider area. Therefore it's impossible to give catch-all advice that doesn't involve 'being the kind of person people like to date'. Some people like being aggressively courted, some people are super flirty and playful, while others find it repulsive or awkward (as well as all the other possible permutations of this). So, do your best to be a good person that others will respect and trust, and hone some interesting attributes of your own on top, and put yourself out there.

When you go to college it's a good time to really assert and establish your identity and also work on building all kinds of relationships with people, so take up social opportunities (especially to hang out with people who share your interests) and avoid instincts to stick to yourself all the time :)
 

Ninahaza

You'll always be a part of me
is a Forum Moderator Alumnus
I'm going to add on to jumpluff's post with two simple pieces of advice. Now I dont mean this in a "my advice is better than all the above" way, but I do really believe, at least for questions such as yours Pwnemon, that this is the answer that needs to be given but is often not.

Towards the end of her post, Jumpluff touched a bit on the first, but here are the two pieces of advice.
1) Put yourself out there
2) Learn to take and in fact embrace rejection

You don't have to look deep on this website to see the many posts of people that say, "i'm so shy and or socially awkward". Just look at the "could you be your own friend" thread for example. And as jumpluff said, people get turned on and reply to different things, therefore its almost impossible to give a one all answer to such questions. A Gary Busey that puts himself out there will MUCH more easily find a significant other and enjoy the company of many more women or men than a Brad Pitt that sits at home/minds his own activities/admires from afar. I guess you just have to ask yourself what is currently more desired by you and if you are then willing to make priorities and put in the time to learn the necessary skills to achieve it. Also that whole speech (read: excuse) one gives him or herself about their social barriers is VERY crippling. Maybe start with a simply goal of "i'll say hi to 3 girls this month". There is no end goal, no real purpose. You are just aiming to say hi to 3 girls, nothing more and nothing less (and as far as what you'll say after that, well just be honest. The beauty about being honest is that you do not need to mastermind a bunch of replies to have just in case for after that initial hello. When one is being honest, they speak from the heart and it just flows. How about this for a reply; "Actually, i'm very shy and socially awkward you see, and I am currently working on breaking that. I have set goals for myself and for one month my current goal is to blah blah blah"). And should you get rejected? There are hundreds of lessons to be learned in rejection so consider class in session ;). Now for a worst case scenario: lets say you just couldn't get the words or all the words out, then so be it. Just walk away and move on. I'm not saying this will be easy, but it will be a learning experience each time you try i'm sure. And obviously you do not want to do this at a place where you'll be seeing those exact people often. Rejection is a class in session, but its a painful one, and maybe try this at a mall or a park instead. Again, there is no end goal or real purpose. You aren't trying to ask someone out or get in their pants. This is just an example I came up with on the spot anyways.

Another example i'll use is that of the popular character Barney Stinson from the popular show "How I met your mother". Now i'm not saying that anyone should go about putting themselves out there the way he does (he is very aggressive in his ways but makes up for it in his sharp focus, amazing charm when he wants to, and just goddamn so smooth), but Barney is the perfect example of this concept. He is constantly, constantly always putting himself out there (to the point of severe overkill). Whenever he gets rejected, however, what's his response and mentality? "Whatever. I'm awesome". Essentially he just forgets about it and moves on without letting it affect him too much. And as for his powerhouse of a confidence meter he has? Well one can easily argue that all that cornerstone advice that is given, such as "more confidence", can and is learnt in between those two pieces of advice. There have been more than enough episodes showing Barney's beginnings, and not only was he absolutely terrible at putting himself out there, taking rejection, and even talking to women, but his confidence levels were abysmal. Another thing to note is when Marshall broke down Barney's success to failure rate with women on a chart, using math (one of my favorite episodes for oh so many reasons outside Barney himself), and for the ladies man and absolute pro that Barney is, he fails an insane amount more than he succeeds (which is just the perfect reflection of REALITY, and just as important, and that concept of putting yourself out there as well as learning how to take rejection). Barney, although perhaps an extreme example, still makes a fantastic one.

So yes, definitely take all the advice given so far that can be summed up simply as "work on yourself". Definitely do not ignore such great advice, but also realize that at the end of the day, putting yourself out there (and subsequently learning the ways of rejection and all the lessons it brings) is the defining factor.

A good luck wish to you pwnemon (and anyone else in a similar situation). With much love - your resident smoggirl, Mariah Carey.

Edit: nothing in this post was meant as an attack to those with social anxiety, awkwardness, etc, etc. Again, if one really wanted something, help can be found. Where there is a will there will surely be a way.
 
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Question, what do you guys do with your pubes? Do you shave or trim?

I personally trim, but I know girls hate hair down there so I was wondering what you guys do with them.
 

WaterBomb

Two kids no brane
is a Forum Moderatoris a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
Moderator
Ok so I have this conundrum.

I just started a new relationship with this girl that I met in college. She's really really cute, about 5'4 a little chubby with dimples. Let's call her Denise. Anyways, I met Denise in my psychology 101 class at the end of last semester and we were in a group project and really hit it off well. I felt the chemistry pretty strongly so I asked her out on a date to the local pizza place where we got to know each other as she put away 3/4 of a mushroom and pepperoni pie with parm cheese and bread sticks. Once finals came rolling around, the work load got really stressful so Denise and I didn't talk really all finals week until the end where we exchanged numbers and promised to keep in contact over the summer. Anyways, I met this other really cute girl from my town over the summer at my job let's call her Linda. Since I have been doing nothing this summer but furiously playing pokemon, I had enough time to spend time with Linda which eventually lead to a hookup or two.

Here's where it gets a little hairy though. I was hooking up with Linda last week when I got a text from Denise afterwards that said she'd be in the area and wanted to hang out a little bit. I felt really guilty since the chemistry between Denise and I was really great at the pizza place and in psychology class but I'm really unsure of what to do. I kind of like Linda as well but we haven't really made anything "official" outside of mutually agreed upon hookups and what not. To throw another aipom wrench into the mix, Denise posted a picture of herself on facebook last week and it looks like she has gained at least 50 pounds in the past few months. Now, I'm not going to judge anyone based on weight here but I have literally no idea what happened to her. Not only that, but she's been linking me articles about different "fat sex positions" that she has "been interested in trying out." I don't want to I'm really not sure about what to do about the "relationship" with Linda or what to tell Denise or if I even find her physically attractive anymore. I'm really confused and I don't know if the fling between Linda and I will last past a summer romance and I don't know if Denise even wants to be with me at all! Anyone have any advice or potential fat sex tips that I can utilize?
Well, first off you should never feel guilty for what you are/are not attracted to. Real beauty is on the inside of course, but if you physically aren't attracted to someone then it makes the relationship difficult to work. You're not doing a person any favors by pretending to be attracted to them to spare their feelings. If you are no longer attracted to Denise because of her weight, that's completely fine. Now, you obviously don't want to TELL her that's why because it opens the door to potential damage to her self-esteem, but do not attempt to pursue a relationship with her unless you do, in fact, find her attractive. As for Linda, it sounds like you haven't reached the point yet where you really know each other that well and/or feel a connection. This is also a situation where I would advise not jumping into anything serious until you've had more time to get to know her. Continuing to casually hook up is fine if it stays emotionally detached, but once feelings start to develop you will need to really sit down and assess whether you two are compatible long-term or not.

What is important, above all else, is to be honest with both of these women about how you feel. You don't necessarily need to divulge every intimate detail, but you at least owe them enough to tell them truthfully whether you want a relationship with them or not. In both Linda and Denise's cases, you can simply say you're not interested in them as more than friends. This gets the plain message across in a gentle way without trapping yourself into a detailed explanation.

As for fat sex tips, since I dated a "plump" woman in college I can tell you it is essentially no different than skinny sex, except for the fact that the phrase "more cushion for the pushin'" is more accurate than you realize ;)
 
AB2 I'm curious, why aren't you sure Denise is interested in you at all? She seems very open with you to say the least and it sounds like your friendship/post-date relationship is on good terms. From what you've given us, I don't see any direct messages that she doesn't want to be with you. Putting on weight is pretty unrelated to the interest she's showing in you, and it sounds like you may be equivocating her dwindling attractiveness by your own standards to emotional insouciance. You may or may not want to pursue a relationship anymore, but she is best off with someone who treats her more humanely than that -- sorry if I'm getting the wrong impression though!
 

Texas Cloverleaf

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Question, what do you guys do with your pubes? Do you shave or trim?

I personally trim, but I know girls hate hair down there so I was wondering what you guys do with them.
I trim both pubes and armpit hair with clippers simply because I prefer those areas not smelling like a yak's Ass on a daily basis. If a lady (or a dude) doesn't like it she's welcome to take a whiff of said stank and then tell me which they prefer.
 

DM

Ce soir, on va danser.
is a Site Content Manager Alumnusis a Senior Staff Member Alumnusis a Smogon Discord Contributor Alumnus
I shave the bits down to the skin and trim the surrounding areas. Male genitalia is pretty ugly as it is, the least we can do to spruce it up is make it a bit more presentable.
 

AB2

is an absolute ape
is a Team Rater Alumnus
AB2 I'm curious, why aren't you sure Denise is interested in you at all? She seems very open with you to say the least and it sounds like your friendship/post-date relationship is on good terms. From what you've given us, I don't see any direct messages that she doesn't want to be with you. Putting on weight is pretty unrelated to the interest she's showing in you, and it sounds like you may be equivocating her dwindling attractiveness by your own standards to emotional insouciance. You may or may not want to pursue a relationship anymore, but she is best off with someone who treats her more humanely than that -- sorry if I'm getting the wrong impression though!
Idk what you mean by "treating her humanely" since I'm not forcing anyone to do anything and it's not like she is some animal that doesn't have any concept of reality or the ability to make her own decisions. That's the impression I'm getting from your post. Just because I question my physical attraction to her because she gained weight doesn't mean that I'm not treating someone in a humane way! Physical attraction is very important unfortunately :)!
 

WaterBomb

Two kids no brane
is a Forum Moderatoris a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
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I'm married so I don't do anything with my pubes anymore. DM is correct though, if you're still trying to impress a potential mate you want to tidy up your display area.
 
Ok, NOW I want advice.

Here's the short version: Me and girl wanna sex it up a bit. She has a friend living at her house who goes everywhere with her. We keep fooling around, but never get anywhere. So now we're stuck unable to find a way to be alone for an extended period of time so as to... y'know.

What could we do to get this alone time?
 
Ask the friend to go pick up some pizza or milk or something and lock the door? I have no idea, I haven't run into a situation like that.
This would work well if the friend isn't super physically attached or anything (which becomes another barrier of its' own...), in which case you may want your friend to spill the beans and/or simply ask to spend some time with just you. But I don't think spilling the beans is a bad idea, if they're cool you'll hopefully feel better in conscience.

Idk what you mean by "treating her humanely" since I'm not forcing anyone to do anything and it's not like she is some animal that doesn't have any concept of reality or the ability to make her own decisions. That's the impression I'm getting from your post. Just because I question my physical attraction to her because she gained weight doesn't mean that I'm not treating someone in a humane way! Physical attraction is very important unfortunately :)!
Did you take in anything besides half of the last sentence I wrote? Yes, she can make her own decisions and, despite your apparent unattractedness towards her, is putting hella effort into maintaining contact over something you're having very silent second thoughts about. What part of that is some kind of message that she doesn't "even want to be with you at all!"? Last time I checked being aware of another person's internal sexual radar is not a requirement for having a sound perception of reality, as much weight as she may have gained; no, we're going into mind-reading territory there.
 
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Oglemi

Borf
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Ok, NOW I want advice.

Here's the short version: Me and girl wanna sex it up a bit. She has a friend living at her house who goes everywhere with her. We keep fooling around, but never get anywhere. So now we're stuck unable to find a way to be alone for an extended period of time so as to... y'know.

What could we do to get this alone time?
Tell them upfront that you want to get your sexy time on with each other and to set up times in which the friend will be gone so you can do the deed.

Worst case scenario is that the friend isn't mature enough to be OK with that, in which case your sex interest needs to rethink who their friends are lol.
 

WaterBomb

Two kids no brane
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Tell them upfront that you want to get your sexy time on with each other and to set up times in which the friend will be gone so you can do the deed.

Worst case scenario is that the friend isn't mature enough to be OK with that, in which case your sex interest needs to rethink who their friends are lol.
Quoted for truth. Honesty is the best policy. If this works, not only will you achieve the alone time you want to get the sexes on, but your object of interest will be very impressed with your assertiveness and likely be more turned on.
 

AB2

is an absolute ape
is a Team Rater Alumnus
Did you take in anything besides half of the last sentence I wrote? Yes, she can make her own decisions and, despite your apparent unattractedness towards her, is putting hella effort into maintaining contact over something you're having very silent second thoughts about. What part of that is some kind of message that she doesn't "even want to be with you at all!"? Last time I checked being aware of another person's internal sexual radar is not a requirement for having a sound perception of reality, as much weight as she may have gained; no, we're going into mind-reading territory there.
Yeah ok pal. Just because my relationship plight may be obvious to you doesn't mean that I'm not over here being oppressed while you're having the time of your life giving people relationship and sex advice. I'm not even sure if I'm attracted to her anymore and even though she might be attracted to me I think it is a little patronizing of you to come in here and say that it is pretty evident that I might be an idiot because it is NOT CLEAR to me about what I should do. I feel empty and alone because of this situation so plz keep ur superiority complex and privilege in check.
 

Yeti

dark saturday
is a Community Contributor Alumnus
Yeah ok pal. Just because my relationship plight may be obvious to you doesn't mean that I'm not over here being oppressed while you're having the time of your life giving people relationship and sex advice. I'm not even sure if I'm attracted to her anymore and even though she might be attracted to me I think it is a little patronizing of you to come in here and say that it is pretty evident that I might be an idiot because it is NOT CLEAR to me about what I should do. I feel empty and alone because of this situation so plz keep ur superiority complex and privilege in check.
You sound like you have absolutely no business whatsoever being in a relationship with either woman, or anyone at all.

If your reaction to advice is 'oh it's not clear to me I'm so oblivious' maybe your first priority should be learning how to interpret people better or you will continually destroy your relationships by being aloof.

Kindly check YOUR immaturity at the door, thanks.
 
Yeah ok pal. Just because my relationship plight may be obvious to you doesn't mean that I'm not over here being oppressed while you're having the time of your life giving people relationship and sex advice. I'm not even sure if I'm attracted to her anymore and even though she might be attracted to me I think it is a little patronizing of you to come in here and say that it is pretty evident that I might be an idiot because it is NOT CLEAR to me about what I should do. I feel empty and alone because of this situation so plz keep ur superiority complex and privilege in check.
stop being a mongoose
 

Haruno

Skadi :)
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnus
Well seeing as how I'm in a bit of a predicament, and I just noticed this thread might as well post it since I feel my current predicament is something that I can't really step forward in without some advice and where else besides the cong?

Anyways this isn't really about me, but more about a close friend of mine, let's call him bob for simplicity's sake. A few years ago, Bob was going out with a girl called Vivian and they broke up after three years of dating, but Bob and Vivian still were in that "friends with benefits" stage and still had lingering feelings for each other. This was in approx April 2013, however although Bob and Vivian realized that their breakup was a bit abrupt, due to Vivian's own morale code, she wouldn't allow herself to date anyone until at least a year after the break up. Despite this however, Bob and Vivian were texting each other on a daily basis and myself and our other friends thought that they might start going out again. Fast forward a year.

Now a year later in April 2014, Bob realized that the year that Vivian couldn't date anyone was almost up and he knows that a lot of guys have been trying to get at Vivian since their break up. So to try and make himself exceptional among them, he drove 8 hours from where Northern California to where she attends college in Southern California. Due to him going to her university before, the first thing he did was go to her dorm room to confess? Maybe? Iuno since I wasn't there and only heard the details, but when he got to her dorm room, Bob saw Vivian having some "fun" with another guy called Kevin, which caused Bob to freak out and slam the other guy against her dorm wall and interrogate him. After being interrogated, Vivian and the guy she was having some fun with, scared understandably and Vivian avoided seeing Bob for the entirety of his trip, which was sad considering Bob came down to So. Cal for the sole purpose of trying to get Vivian back.

Soon afterwards Vivian started going out with Kevin, which drove Bob into a severe depression since he couldn't get over her. So in order to try and move on, he started doing some stupid shit such as getting drunk on a daily basis, road raging, and avoiding Vivian and anyone associated with her. Bob hasn't been going to college for the last few years so in an attempt to get over Vivian, he decided to study abroad in Asia despite my, and several other protests. During the whole period he was depressed, Bob tried everything to try and get in contact with Vivian but her boyfriend told her to ignore him at all costs which she complied to. However despite that, Vivian and Bob still wanted to have a talk to settle their differences before Bob leaves for Asia since he won't be back for several years.

Bob after sending dozens upon dozens of ignored texts and calls, agreed to talk with her however he didn't want to plan a specific date to talk with her. While Vivian did indeed want to talk with him, but is afraid that her current boyfriend will get mad if she talks with Bob and she's afraid that Bob might freak out during their talk and harm her or whatnot. So due to this, they haven't had that much needed talk. Bob's leaving in a few days and at the moment there's no actually plan for them to talk things out and myself, being a good friend of both, wants them to have that talk before Bob leaves for Asia. However I'm unable to think of a way to somehow get the two of them to talk and was wondering if the good folks that inhabit the Cong would have any advice for me.

ps: Yes i know my friend's a dumbfuck for studying abroad to get over his ex.
 
Uh, forgive me if I'm just awful at reading today, but is there a particular reason why they broke up the first time? Might help to bring more insight into the situation.

Also, why would her boyfriend get mad for her talking with him, or worse yet, tell her to stop talking to him altogether? They're still friends at least, right? I mean, if he thinks that she loves him more, she'll surely be faithful enough to not do anything with a mere one chat. If she doesn't really love Kevin more, seems kinda shitty to keep them together unless he legitimately fears for her life if she goes with him, which doesn't sound like it's the case to me. Forgive me if there's something I'm missing, and perhaps I'm merely imprinting due to a similar incident separating myself and my best friend, though no freak-outs or violence was involved on my end.

I mean, it seems that they do both want to talk, but rather Kevin is a looming threat to that. I can understand why she might be scared, though; is privacy absolutely crucial, or can Vivian take another friend along, even if it's not Kevin, or even if they just stay in the general vicinity? Perhaps Kevin might be satisfied knowing that she's got someone reliable with her to make sure nothing goes awry.
 

Haruno

Skadi :)
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnus
Uh, forgive me if I'm just awful at reading today, but is there a particular reason why they broke up the first time? Might help to bring more insight into the situation.

Also, why would her boyfriend get mad for her talking with him, or worse yet, tell her to stop talking to him altogether? They're still friends at least, right? I mean, if he thinks that she loves him more, she'll surely be faithful enough to not do anything with a mere one chat. If she doesn't really love Kevin more, seems kinda shitty to keep them together unless he legitimately fears for her life if she goes with him, which doesn't sound like it's the case to me. Forgive me if there's something I'm missing, and perhaps I'm merely imprinting due to a similar incident separating myself and my best friend, though no freak-outs or violence was involved on my end.

I mean, it seems that they do both want to talk, but rather Kevin is a looming threat to that. I can understand why she might be scared, though; is privacy absolutely crucial, or can Vivian take another friend along, even if it's not Kevin? Perhaps Kevin might be satisfied knowing that she's got someone reliable with her to make sure nothing goes awry.
Ah, whoops should've mentioned that. Unfortunately I'm not really certain of the details myself but from my understanding it was because Vivian wanted to have sex except Bob refused and then they got into a huge fight over that. Unsure if that's the case though so take that with a grain of salt.

Because her current bf (kevin) is afraid of bob for understandable reasons. And to bob, Vivian's new boyfriend is just a downgrade of him and she's just going out with him because she wants a shoulder to cry on essentially. But despite that, Kevin definitely does not want the two of them to talk and despite my other friends telling her that it's a stupid reason to not talk to bob because of it, unfortunately that's what she's doing. I feel she might still have lingering feelings for bob though.

Uh, I'm actually unsure if privacy is essential but where she proposed to talk was during volleyball which our group has once a week which has like 40+ people, which bob thinks is a terrible place/tme to have a conversation. Though I feel it would be awkward for her friend if she so chose to bring one since because Vivian doesn't drive, Bob would have to pick her up and it'd be kinda awkward to go pick one of Vivian's friends along the way.
 

AB2

is an absolute ape
is a Team Rater Alumnus
You sound like you have absolutely no business whatsoever being in a relationship with either woman, or anyone at all.

If your reaction to advice is 'oh it's not clear to me I'm so oblivious' maybe your first priority should be learning how to interpret people better or you will continually destroy your relationships by being aloof.

Kindly check YOUR immaturity at the door, thanks.
Excuse me? You have no business telling me what to do. I'm going to ask you to stop silencing an oppressed group since you seem to be bossing me around for no good reason. I'm sorry that you seem to have come from such a place that you feel it is necessary to silence those who have a hard go of it but that really speaks more about your immaturity than it does my character. It's not my job to educate you. Goodbye now.
 

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