[Jimera0]

Alright everyone, this is going to be my post for my first Leaf Green Scramble Challange. I'll be putting all the updates from before in here, and since this is my active challange it will be linked to in my sig. Keep an eye on my signature, because every time I post a new update I'll make sure to provide notice in my sig.

First off, the Pokemon I've been given for my Challange, and their restrictions:

The Pokemon

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From King Serperior: Jimera0, take a Snorlax and have it as close as possible to the first gen 1 moveset for it. Must solo Giovanni and your rival before the E4 and after gym 8.
for that Snorlax, teach it surf in place of self-destruct unless you have access to a way for it to learn it. Name it Gen1OU since I forgot to give it a name.
ADDITION: This conversation adds a new requirement.
King Serperior: Ok, because I refuse to call Snorlax by the name you gave him and vice versa, change his name to Over-Powered King---------or OP King for short. Is that a deal?
Me: Nope, He is Bob. Don't worry, he's still called Gen1OU In game. I just don't call him that myself :P
King Serperior: Fine, solo e4 member 1 with him if no one else gave that restriction. :''''(.

From Tyranitarphantom: you'll both be going with a Poliwag named Wuzzle. It loves confusing people with it's swirling patterns, so it must always hit an opponent with Hypnosis before attacking (once it learns it, of course). However, once it evolves to Poliwhirl, it's swirl reverses, so it must forget Hypnosis. From that point on, it may never use a move on the opponent that isn't an attacking move. It prefers to use brute force, so it must learn strength. It may be evolved into Poliwrath once you have obtained 6 badges, and it must have soloed one of those leaders. All other restrictions remain.

From EndQuote: take a Charmander and name it Charming.
This adorable little lizard is quite the smooth talker, so it must learn and keep Attract ASAP. (TM is on Route 24)
It must use Attract to infatuate every Pokémon of the opposite gender it is sent out against.

In addition, it cannot use Fire-type attacks against Pokémon of the opposite gender, because nothing ruins a date like a whirling inferno.
However, if the date is going badly, he might as well use fire. (If Blaze activates OR he is the last Pokémon alive in your party, you can use Fire-type attacks)

He must solo Erika and at least three Pokémon in the elite four.
Good luck!

From Super Saiyan: take Shenron the Pikachu . He has 3 flaws though.
1. He has limited attack knowledge, so he can only use his level up moves. No tms or hms.
2. He has poor endurance, so he must rest after defeating an opponent. He can battle again once the next opponent is defeated or the battle ends. (Can solo Gym Leaders)
3. He is terrified of Flying and Water Pokemon so he may never battle them. This restriction is SO getting wished away, RIGHT NOW.
Knowing this, he has the power of the Eternal Dragon and will grant you a wish. You may remove one of the above restrictions immediately. If he solos 4 Gym Leaders (Changed to soloing 50 Electric type Pokemon, wild or trained, since soloing 4 Gym Leaders in conjunction with my other challanges is impossible), you get another wish and may remove another restriction. Unfortunately, 1 restriction will always be in place. No evolution restrictions. For an extra challenge, you can refuse the wishes. Congrats, you are the first recipient of my Signature Challange! Good luck!

From Axemaster68: you get Ball the Sandshrew. Ball has no restrictions, congratulations!! Just a few small things first:

1) Set up Sandstorm in every E4 battle not being soloed and make sure to have the move before going there.

2) Use Defense Curl against 15 different evolution lines(one member of each) to evolve. COMPLETE!

3) One boosting move at a time maximum.

4) Use Sand Tomb against 50 pokemon to forget the move after Ball learns it.

5) Solo Koga after evolving, or any other gym leader and his GLMP(yes AFTER evolving I am being nice today).

You can remove any 1 restriction after the solos are completed.

If Ball faints more than 5 times, he needs a buddy. That buddy will be a Grass type decided by someone else. Good luck and enjoy one example of my signature buddy challenge!!

From Oh Biscuits: Enjoy Bulbus the Bellsprout! In the Latin story that I'm translating right now, there's a character named Bulbus. His name means "onion," just so you know. Bulbus is extremely jealous of Modestus, who he thinks is Charming the Charmander! So he must never fight ANY double battles with him. He must also solo Misty, since Misty comes before Erika and Bulbus believes that he's better than Charming. (This works 'cause Modestus wasn't so modest and was quite the ladies' man.) He must evolve before Charming and after he solos Misty, and he can evolve again any time. This shouldn't be TOO hard.

Alright, now for the updates. The updates for this Challange have been in the form of a written Let's Play without screenshots, and have been divided into chapters. First I'll have the archive of all the previous chapters; the most recent chapter will be in a section at the bottom.

Chapter 1: A New Beginning

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Alright, time to start this challange off! Ok, yeah yeah, I don’t need to know the controls I’ve been playing some version of this game for well over a decade. Hi Oak! ... Yes I’m a boy. I think you forgot your bifocals on the desk again. I’m Jimera btw. Wait. You don’t remember your own Grandson’s name? The one that lives basically a 3 second walk from your lab? Are you sure you should be working still? Well I bet he’s a derp, just like his grandpappy. No wait, I didn’t say his name was “Derp” you derp! ... I did not say..! Whatever, I’ll just roll with it.

AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh I’m shrinking.......!

AHEM well anyway, first things first, let’s grab that traditional first potion out of my PC. Now, down the stairs we go... Oh hi virtual mom who I have no emotional connection to whatsoever. How are you today?

Mom: “...Right. All boys leave home someday. It said so on TV.”

And TV is never wrong, eh kids? I’m damn glad my real mother isn’t so rock stupid. Cya later! Or never, either one works.

Random girl: “Signs are useful aren’t they”
Sign she was standing in front of: “Press START to open the MENU”
Oh yes, so useful... how many times did you get dropped on your head as a kid again?

Alright, enough goofing around, let’s get me a starter!

Oak: “It’s unsafe! Wild Pokemon are in the tall grass!”
So, um, how does literally anyone else leave the town? I mean it’s pretty clear that most of the people here aren’t trainers. Or is this a town of hermits or something, and no one ever goes anywhere. Actually, that would explain a lot of stuff in the Pokemon world... seeing as the only characters that ever seem to go anywhere are the trainers. And that they’re all constantly amazed by incredibly inane things.

Anyway, I finally get to pick my damn Charmander. Welcome to the team Charming!
We all know what comes next right? Derp picks Squirtle, picks a fight with me and and I kick his ass. Same old, same old...

Wait what? Shut up Professor Oak, I know how to have a Pokemon battle. After I step out of this damn lab I never want to see you and your plaque riddled brain again!

*a lot of whimpy scratching and tackling later*
Wow, I swear that is the first starter battle I’ve ever had where neither of us ended up using anything but our damaging moves. Thankfully even with him getting a crit I still kicked his ass. Thank you Scratch for being slightly superior to Tackle.

Derp: “WHAT, Unbelievable, I picked the wrong Pokemon” Dude, you really ARE a derp. I am now glad your Grandfather will call you that forever. And so I shall too.

Alright, off to Viridian City I go then!

*several boring wild encounters and one free potion later*

“Charming learned Ember”
Woo, now I can use my STAB! On male Pokemon that is, because Charming is such a damn chauvinist.

*several more boring encounters and an inane conversation later*

And here we are, Viridian City! Let’s talk to the locals and hear what incredible wisdom they have to impart to me, shall we?

“You want to hear about the two types of Caterpillar Pokemon?”
.... No.

You know what, screw that. I’m just going to pick up that potion that’s always behind that cuttable tree, go to the Pokemon Center, then the PokeMart and getting this over with.

*enters Pokemart*
(paraphrased) “OHAI DER, CAN YOU TAKE THIS RANDOM ASS PARCEL TO OAK JUST BECAUSE YOU HAPPEN TO BE FROM THE SAME TOWN AS HIM? NO? OH WELL I JUST WON’T SELL YOU ANY POKEBALLS UNTIL YOU DELIVER IT HAR HAR HAR”

Why do I have to deliver the damn parcel anyway? Wait wait, I bet it has to with that theory I had that only people with Pokemon actually go anywhere in this game. But then how the hell did this guy recognize me if he’s never been to Pallet Town and I’ve never been to Viridian? Oh for cripes sakes, it’s better just not to think about it isn’t it.

*quick trip to Pallet Town later*

Blah blah, Pokedex blah, do your work for you because you’re a senile old man blah here’s some Pokeballs blah. Yeah yeah, we’ve all gone through it around 20 times before. Let’s get on with it.

Alright, just gotta pick up the Town Map (not that anyone ever actually uses it) and get out of here.
Daisy: “Geeze, Gramps asked you to run an errand for him? How lazy.”
And that’s just about the understatement of the century. If this is an ERRAND for him, I’d hate to see what constitutes real work.

Well, now I think it’s time to actually time to begin my Challange in earnest! Next time I fight Derp again! Or not because I can’t get anything that can take on his Squirtle until I get Shenron the Pikachu! In any case, the real shit starts happening now! Aren’t you excited? I know I am *forced grin*.

Chapter 2: On The Road To... PEWTER CITY! (Wait, that's not right)

---

Ok, Back in Viridian. Not much point in going to route 22 since I got nothing to train and don’t want to fight my rival yet, so I might as well head straight to Viridian Forest.

La dee dah ACK AMBUSHED BY OLD MAN. No, I already know how to catch Pokemon. Hey, why are you holding onto my wrist? Let go before I break your arm you old fart! What’s this stupid TV thing you’ve given me? I’m supposed to lug this thing around all over the place? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU.

*dashes away from stupid old man*

Hrmmm I guess I had better catch a Rattata to be an HM slave. Don’t want to waste precious move slots on Cut and Rock Smash, that’s for damn certain.

*encounters random Rattata. Catches random Rattata. Promptly forgets about random Rattata*

Random Girl inside entrance to Viridian Forest: “Rattata may be small, but don’t underestimate its wicked bite. Have you caught one already?”
O.O fucking psychic little girl is creeping me out.

Anyway, time to explore this bug infested forest and catch a Pikachu. Surely this will be easy, right?

*10 minutes later*

WHY ARE SO MANY OF THEM FEMALE ARRRRRG. It’s a miracle I haven’t been poisoned yet. Well this is as good a place as any to get Charming up a few levels anyway

Alright, time for my first trainer battle that isn’t Derp! Come at me Bug Catcher Rick! I just hope to god that he doesn’t have a female Metapod...

First one is a male weedle. Alright, ROASTING TIME.
Next is a male caterpie. BURN BABY BURN, DISCO INFERNO!

Aaand that was it? Damn, it’s like that was tailor made to be super easy. Anyway, onto the next one...

Alright let’s see, male Weedle, male Caterpie and... Kakuna (please be male)

...

WOOO it’s male *flambé*

That’s right, keep lining them up for me you damn Bug Catchers! It would be hilarious if they ALL had male only Pokemon now wouldn’t it?

Next Bug catcher, and another TWO male Caterpie! It’s like this place was tailor made for Charming or something! Only two more Bug Catchers to go... think the male streak will last? (wait, did I just use the phrase “male streak”? Fuuuuuuck)

Onto the next one... male Metapod, male Caterpie, male Metapod. Wait what? Seriously, what? How come NONE of them have female Pokemon? Is Viridian forest some sort of all boys club or something?

Anyway METAL CLAW GET! And thank goodness for that, otherwise Brock would be nigh-impossible with nothing but Charming and a Pikachu at my disposal.

Alright, final Bug Catch and he has... One male Weedle! Ok, it’s official something freaky is up here. These Bug Catchers have some sort of boys only pact that even extends to their Pokemon. I can’t explain it, but that just seems creepy somehow.

Well the good news is that that’s pretty much all of Viridian Forest taken care of. The bad news is I haven’t run into a Pikachu yet. Ah well, I’ll just keep trying. I mean, how long could it take?

Woooo Pikachu! It’s female but I don’t give a shit, it only took 10 minutes to find this one and I don’t want to risk the next one taking an hour. Only question... How the hell do I weaken it enough to catch a lv 3 Pikachu with a lv 14 Charmander? Well first I guess I’ll just toss a Pokeball without attacking, see if that works, and if that fails I’ll try a metal claw since Pikachu resists it. I bet it’ll still KO though with my luck...
*tosses first pokeball, fails*
*Pikachu uses Growl*
Hang on, Growl! That’s how I’ll do it! I’ll let it lower my attack a few stages, THEN hit it into capture range! I just have to hope to god I don’t get a crit!
*several turns later*
GODDAMIT STOP USING THUNDERSHOCK AND GROWL ME. It’s like this damn thing can read my mind!
*couple growls and a paralyzed Charmander later*
FINALLY I can attack it.
*Metal claw does pitiful damage*
Ok I let it get my attack too low. Scratch it is then.
*Scratch*
Almost there... one more metal claw.
*Pikachu growls again*
Ok, two metal claws.
*CRITICAL HIT*
MOTHER FUCKER
.
.
.
.
.
Ok, trip to the Pokemon center then I try this again. I guess. T.T

*20 minutes later*
FINALLY another Pikachu, and this one is male! I will catch you this time, damn it! I’ll save you having to read the whole battle again and just give the results...

So? What yah think is going to happen? Will I KO another Pikachu and end up spending another half hour searching for another one? Or do I actually catch it this time? Or do I manage to fuck up so badly that Charming faints and I’m forced to reset? Find out...

NOW! I actually manage to catch the sonuvvabitch! Woooooo! Welcome to the team Shenron! Now to grind it up to an acceptable level, as at lv 3 it isn’t going to be able to help much.

Wait a second, Impish nature? God damn it, it couldn’t have been much worse >.<. Well I’m not going to try to catch another, not after how much shit I went through to get this rat.
*Many Pidgey, Rattata and Weedle later*

All right! I’m all set for Brock now then. First though, Pewter city needs some proper exploration!

Random Jerkwad: Have you checked out the Museum yet? Yes? WHO CARES I MUST SHOW YOU ANYWAY *grabs arm and drags to stupid museum*

Random Jerkwad #2: OH HAI YOU WALKED BY ME SO I’M GOING TO DRAG YOU TO THE GYM! I’M THE LEAST CREATIVE BROKEN BRIDGE EVAR DON’T YOU LOVE ME?

Seriously, why does your character let these nitwits drag you off places? If it were me, both these twits would be smoking piles of ashes first time they tried to grab my arm... Self defence! I swear!

Anyway, time to fight Brock! First to wipe the floor with his crony though...
*does so*
Alright, now onto Brock! Wait you were expecting some sort of light-year joke? Seriously people that’s been done to death by now :P

... Wow Brock made a lot of puns on Rock type. I won’t copy them here, for your own sanity.

First up, Geodude!
Actually,I don’t need to say anything about this battle. This Super Effective comic sums it right up
http://www.vgcats.com/super/?strip_id=33
Next up is Onix!
Alright, wow Metal Claw did not do as much I had hoped. Well just gotta keep trying-
*Rock Tomb*
Jeeze there goes most of my health I hope I’m still faster
*is not faster*
Shit
*Charming faints*
DOUBLE SHIT
Ok Shenron... good luck >.<
*Quick attack does god shit all*
*Rock Tomb does half health*
.....
Well shit.
*Shenron faints*

Alright... round 2 anyone?

This time Geodude goes down same as before, then I bring in Shenron to Tail Whip Onix as many times as possible, then I bring out Charming to finish. Surely this will work.

I’ll just skip right to Onix here as Geodude is a total pushover.
Alright Shenron, shake your booty!

Wow actually getting a lot of them in thanks to Rock Tomb’s piss poor accuracy. Just keep going until you get your head caved in by rocks Shenron! It’s for the greater good!
Alright, I think I got 3 Tail Whips in! Now show this rock snake who’s boss Charming!
*Metal claw does over half heath*
BOOYAH
*Rock Tomb brings Charming to 9HP and lowers his speed*
Not so Booyah.
Alright, guess I’ll have to splurge on a few potions...
*All 4 of my potions later*
WHY THE HELL WON’T ROCK TOMB MISS ANYMORE
*finally misses*
Oh thank god, as long as Onix doesn’t crit and Metal Claw doesn’t miss I got this.
*Onix misses again*
*Onix gets raped*
WooooOOOOooOOOOoo finally!
Though I should mention this is the only time I have ever lost to Brock. Ever. Fucking Rock Tomb...

*Charming is evolving!*
=( I wish I could let you evolve, but Bulbous has to Solo Misty first... so sorry my friend.

Anyway, onto Mt. Moon now! Errrr gotta buy some more potions first though. But in any case, Chapter finished!

NEW FEATURE! END CHAPTER STATUS!

Badges: 1
Pokemon: 2
Blackouts: 1 (Damn you Onix)

Charming the Charmander:

Level 16
Ember
Metal Claw
Scratch
Growl

Shenron the Pikachu:

Level 12
Thundershock
Thunder Wave
Quick Attack
Tail Whip

Chapter 3: Mountain Delving

---

Alright, bought myself some potions. Now on to Route 3!

Eggheaded Scientist dude: “Hi! Here’s these super hi-tech new product, RUNNING SHOES >:O. They let you do something known as RUNNING. So amazing isn’t it?”

Wait what? Why couldn’t I run before I got some damn shoes? Are the shoes I’m wearing now flip flops or something? Ah whatever, a welcome upgrade since you walk slower than a paralyzed Shuckle without them.

Alright, just gotta plow through some weak ass trainers on the way to Mt. Moon, not much to say about this part...

Youngster: “HI I LIKE SHORTS :D they’re comfortable and easy to wear, and they make my crotch area all tingly with excitement.”

Alright I made that second part up, but seriously this kid has a total short fetish, I swear.

*several minutes and many trainers later*

Jeeze, why is there such a huge concentration of trainers in one tiny section of a route anyway? Some sort of newbie convention or something? Seriously, there are 8 trainers in an area ¼ the size of Viridian Forest. What gives?

*starts battle with last trainer on route, a Lass with a Jigglypuff*
Hrm, same level as my Shenron. I should be able to beat it though :D
*Tail whips and Quick Attacks*
*Stupid puffball infatuates Shenron through Cute Charm*
... Forgot about that, should’ve stuck with Thundershock...
*Stupid puffball gets a critical hit*
NOOOOO
*Shenron faints*
Really? -.- well that’s goddamn annoying.
*Charming finishes off stupid Jigglypuff*

Alright, that’s annoying. Finally reached the Pokemon Center at the end of the route. Now I can get ready for Mt. Moon. That’s going to be interesting to do with just Charming and Shenron >.<

Suspicious Bald Man: “Hey, want to buy a super-special awesome Pokémon? Only 500 Pokedollars :D”
Hrmm let me think about it... NO! GET AWAY BEFORE CHARMING ROASTS YOU, YOU SLEASY CONMAN!

Alright, into Mt. Moon we go! Time to get annoyed to kingdom come by Zubat and Geodude! Yay!

*slowly works his way through the trainers, collecting items while going back to the PokeCenter very frequently. Stupid frail Shenron*

Time to head to one of the side rooms and fight my first rocket grunt!

Let’s see how he fares. Charming wrecks his Sandshrew, Shenron 2HKO’s hit Rattata, and I’m forced to switch back to Charming for Zubat b/c of Shenron’s restriction but who gives a shit, it gets raped too.

Big bad gangsters eh? Not very impressive I say.

Anyway, onwards! There are many more items to collect and opponents to defeat!
... geeze, I won’t be needing to train these two at all at this rate once I get to Cerulean. They’re getting so damn high level already. Currently lv 18 and 16.

Bug Catcher: “You need to go through this cave to reach Cerulean City”
Yeah thanks captian obvious... wait a second... why is that? You’d think they’d have better methods to connect cities than dangerous Pokemon infested tunnels. The Pokemon world just doesn’t make sense :S

Well, I keep on proceeding through the cave... not to the main part of the second floor yet. All the trips I have to make back to the Pokemon center is really slowing me down...

And it’s really damn annoying having to stop Charming’s evolution every time he levels up >.< I can’t wait until I get Bulbous and evolve him...

*finally gets through to fossils* HELL YES good stuff. Just got to fight this Super Nerd and then get the hell out of here!

Hang on, I just realized this guy found both the fossils first, and then you battle him, and take one of the fossils. Does that make me a theif...?

Well anyway, pwned him easily. I’ll grab the Dome fossil just because. I mean, really, there’s not much difference since I can’t use either of them anyway, and I already have access to as many of both fossils as I could ever want on my Pearl version so =/. This is about the least important fossil choice I’ve ever needed to make lol.

So, now just to make a bee-line to Cerulean city! I’d say that this is Chapter complete, how ‘bout you?

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 1
Pokemon: 2
Blackouts: 1 (and NEVER AGAIN >:O)

Charming the Charmander:

Level 20
Ember
Metal Claw
Scratch
Smokescreen

Shenron the Pikachu:

Level 19
Thundershock
Double Team
Quick Attack
Tail Whip

Chapter 4: Mad Science and Fried Fish

---

Alright, first job is to explore Cerulean a bit! Let’s see if the locals are just as stupid here as they were in our last few towns eh?

Every damn person in the city: “Have you heard about Bill? Bill is cool! Bill is wierd! Bill! BILL! BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL”

Good god O.O what the hell is wrong with these people and why are they all obsessed with Bill? Knowing Bill’s crazy ass experiments he’s probably a super villain using a mind control ray
over the whole town, utilizing Abra or something.

Lol that stupid girl with her Slowbro. Slowbro can’t use Sonic Boom you dumbass :D. Seriously, how the hell would that work? Slowbro is about as likely to break the sound barrier as a Shuckle mired in molasses.

Police force is concerned about the break in that house... cmon people, what about the resident super villain you have up on route 25? I mean Team Rocket is hardly worth your trouble, you can sweep them with freaking Rattata...

Alright, I have to be careful not to go near the bridge until I’m ready to fight Derp... so I should go catch Ball on Route 4 first and then train him up to lv 15 or something. Looks like I’m in for some serious grinding...

Alright, first Pokemon I run into is a male Sandshrew, and catching it was easy! Only problem is it was lv 6, lowest level on the route. This is going to be fuuuun >.>

.... Quiet nature. Fuck it, no one said it had to be the first Sandshrew I caught >.>

*Quietly shanks Ball, hides his body in the forest and walks away furtively.*

YOU ALL SAW NOTHING!

*Searches for more Sandshrew*

Alright, lv 10 sandshrew, this should be better... Quirky, well no boosts is better than drops in the wrong stat. Time to grind! I might as well use Defense curl against all the Pokemon on route 4, that’ll get me 3 towards the 15 I need to evolve.

*a lot of Sandshrew, Rattata and Spearow later*

OH wow there’s Mankey here too! I did not know that! Well, 1 more added to the Defense Curl tally!

*a lot of Sandshrew, Rattata, Spearow and MANKEY later*

Level 17 and Poison Sting learned! Ball should be fully capable now of actually fighting, especially since Poison Sting works great with Defense Curl and Sand Attack.

Time to fight Derp! I’ll have him herp derpin’ all the way home I will!
First out comes Pidgeotto, so I lead with Shenron to wipe it out easy!
*Thundershock hits for about 40%*
*sand attack lowers Shenron’s Accuracy*
Well that could be an issue :S hopefully I don’t miss
*Pidgeottos quick attack does about 30%, Thundershock gets it to red and paralyzes it*
Alright, now to finish with Quick attack!
*Quick attack misses*
*Shenron is down to 16hp*
Crap. Ok one more time
*Pidgeotto faints*
Whew, that’s a relief. I just hope Shenron has enough left for Squirtle...
*Shenron learns Slam, forgets Tail whip*
There, that should help a bit.
Alright Ball, take out his Ratatta! Defense cur-
*rattata uses tail whip*
.... ok that strategy is out. Just scratch the bajeesus out of it.
*Rattata gets 3HKO’d*
Well that was easy enough... Squirtle is out next. Go Shenron!
Crap, water gun is a 2hKO and Thundershock is a 3hko... going to have to use a potion.
*Shenron gets 2HKO’d after potion*
CRAP well it’s on low health, Charming should be able to finish it with scratch...
*Squirtle falls before Charming's mighty claws*
Alright, just Abra left! Ball should be able to handle this and get another Defense Curl in!
*Abra uses teleport*
Lolololololol
*Ball obliterates the useless Abra*
Seriously man, it’s at lv 16, you should’ve evolved it to Kadabra by now XD. Derp shows his derpiness yet again!
Derp: “I feel sorry for you, always plodding behind me, take this Fame Checker”
=/ I’m the one who always kicks your ass. Anyway, thanks for the useless gadget.
.
.
.
Wait did he just call me a chatty gossip? You character never says anything but “yes” or “no” throughout the entire game! Oh the irony...

Alright, now just to muscle my way through nugget bridge, having Ball use Defense curl on a bunch of stuff, then catch Bulbus on route 24! Then gotta grind Bulbus up a bit, then onto Bills place. Got it all planned out I do!

Defense curling on Caterpie, one more evolutionary line down! Now Weedle as well, though I wish it’d stop poisoning me; I've had to use so many antidotes... And now Pidgey, 8 total now over half way there! Oddish too, but now I gotta switch out. Bellsprout too, crap I got wrapped. Luckily I outsped and 2HKO’d. Now I've curled in front of Ekans as well, but the Sandshew before it sand attacked me so many times, AND it wrapped me on the turn I Defense Curled. Things got kind of hairy, but thankfully I still had a potion left. Nidoran♂ and Nidoran♀ got defense curled on too. This Challange is easy! Just two more evolutionary lines!

And now to take out the Team Rocket grunt that offers you a membership in Team Rocket. It's kind of lame you don't even get the option to accept it, wouldn’t that be cool if you could? If only Nintendo wasn’t so insistent on you always being the good guy...

Anyway, curled on his Zubat so just one more line! I’m pretty sure there are some Hikers on route 25 so getting that last one will be easy.
And now I just found Attract. I guess Charming is losing Smokescreen eh?

Oh wow just found a typo in the game, this camper tells you he saw your “feat” in the grass lolololol.

Anyway, time to catch and train Bulbus :D. I just hope it doesn’t take too long to get to male one.

There we go, got one. Hardy nature, so that’s fine. Good, now I just got to level it up high enough to take out Misty.

First trainer on route 25 has a Machop :D requirements complete for Ball to evolve! That’ll be real soon, just two levels!

Alright, I should grind Bulbus up a few levels now before fighting the rest of the trainers on route 25...

*a little while later*
Sleep Powder, awesome that’ll be useful.
*a little bit later than that*
Man Vine Whip is a lame move, but my only other option at the moment is Bullet Seed which is no better >.<

*a little bit later*

Alright, time to fight some trainers now that Bulbus is lv 17.

Female Camper: “I wish my boyfriend was as good as you”
*Snerk* Ok girl, do you realize how bad that sounds out of context? I know you’re like 10 but bahahaha.

Male Camper: “Oh well, my girlfriend will cheer me up”
I’m sure she will, but you might want to make sure she isn’t cheering anyone else up if you know what I mean *wink wink nudge nudge*

Alright, now all my Pokemon are level 20+, I could take on Misty right now if I still didn’t have to get to Bill’s first.

Geeze this area is another one where trainers are packed together like sardines. I guess they didn’t have much space for expansive areas in the earlier games so they had to make smaller routes with more trainers?

Alright, time to visit bill, the Clefairy look-a-like.
Bill: “Hiya! I’m a Pokemon... ... No I’m not!”
If you’re not a Pokemon then WHY DID YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF AS A POKEMON YOU NUT-JOB?

Anyway, yeah I’ll get you back to normal mister super villan, just gimme a second... (hmm I wonder if this button will cause everything to go kaput, maybe taking him out? PRESS!)

Awww crap that button was what he wanted me to press. At least he gave me a ticket to the SS Anne as a consolation prize for my failure to end his reign of terror over Cerulean.

In any case, it’s time to take Misty and her lackeys on!

Or I have to solve the Team Rocket crime first because the police in this game are totally useless. Whatever, this won’t take long.
*couple minutes later*
Goddamnit that grunt’s Drowsee was annoying. Almost got it with Ball then I get haxed by Confusion, getting confused and hurting myself >.> forcing me to switch. I also had to stop Bulbus from evolving, need to solo Misty first. Got Dig as well, which I’ll teach to Ball now. Finally he has STAB.

Alright, NOW into the gym. First lets obliterate her lackeys... Shenron should make short work of them.
*3 well fried fish later*
Yup, I was right.
Alright Misty get ready because you’re about to get whipped! Get it, because Bulbus uses Vine Whip? Hahahaha... oh god I’m so un-funny.

Alright, first up is her Staryu. I got a good plan here... sleep it, use Growth a couple times, then destroy everything with Vine whip. Should work!
*Staryu used harden*
Lolololol I’m special based you fail
*uses growth 4 times on a sleeping Staryu*
That should be plenty, time to rape!
*Staryu gets whipped across the room, through the wall and out into the night. They never did find its body*
Ok Starmie, let’s see if you can take a +4 vine whip at all eh? I’m thinking NOT.
*Starmie follows Staryu through the wall*
Well, that is probably the only time Misty has ever been easier for me than Brock. Hurray Bublus! And as an added bonus, you get to evolve right after the battle! It’s nice when a plan comes together.

And now when Charming levels up he can finally evolve too. Things are looking good!

Well I’d say this is a good time to end the chapter, how about you?

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 2
Pokemon: 4
Blackouts: 1 (and let's see if I can keep it at this number)

Charming the Charmander:

Level 21
Ember
Metal Claw
Scratch
Attract

Shenron the Pikachu:

Level 21
Thundershock
Double Team
Quick Attack
Slam

Ball the Sandshrew:

Level 20
Scratch
Defense Curl
Sand-Attack
Dig

Bulbus the Weepinbell:

Level 22
Vine Whip (bleh, can’t get anything better until lv 42 or after Erika, and Giga Drain has only 5PP)
Growth
Stun Spore
Sleep Powder

Chapter 5: The Great Pokemon Hunt

---

Alright, time to head for Vermillion city! On the way I should be able to evolve both Charming and Ball if all goes to plan.

Hmmm there should be a bunch of hidden items along the underground path, I’m going to take some time looking for them... it’d be easier with the Itemfinder... OH CRAP I haven’t been catching any Pokemon except the ones I need and you need Pokedex entries to get good items in this game! Looks like I’m going to be doing some back-tracking, as I only have 6 full entries in my Pokedex right now.

In any case, I’ve found most of the items down there, or so I think, so I’m going to head out to Route 6... after I go buy some more Pokeballs. At least catching Pokemon should be a breeze with Bulbus. I guess I should catch what’s available on the routes I currently have access to as well.
*runs around route 4 and catches a Spearow, but for some reason can’t run into any damn Mankey*
Gah! This is getting frustrating. I ran into plenty of them when I was training, why not now?
*Finally runs into one*
GODDAMIT VITAL SPIRIT. I can’t sleep it! This thing isn’t going to be easy to catch is it... at least I still have Stun Spore.
*Catches it on first toss*
Thank lord... anyway, got more Pokes to catch on the other routes.
*Catches Pidgey, Abra, Metapod, Weedle, Caterpie and Meowth*
Alright that’s everything I can get at the moment. NOW onto route 6 I go.

Got some trainers to pwn!

Holy crap a lv 20 Squirtle, Ball can’t handle this. Go Shenron!
*Shenron makes himself some fried turtle meat for dinner*
I had forgotten just how damn powerful some of the trained Pokemon are down here. If I remember correctly there’s at least one more lv 20 Pokemon down here...

Ah yes, a lv 20 Butterfree. Hopefully this won’t be too hard. Going to get statused though I am >.<
*Indeed, gets Paralyzed and Sleeped. A few healing items later*

Alright, this trainer has nothing but Pidgey! Easy EXP and Ball should evolve after this battle!
*3 severely lacerated Pidgey later*
Yup Ball evolved into Sandslash! Bitchin! Now Charming needs to evolve.

*After narrowly defeating a lv 16 Raticate with Charming*
Alright, here we are! Vermillion city! Time to heal up and then explore and find out how stupid the people are here (I’m betting pretty stupid).

Sweet, a girl in the Pokemon Center is handing out presumably expensive gadgets (Vs. Seeker) to random trainers! If only shit worked like that in real life. Phr33 iPad pl0x?

I apparently became friends with a fishing “guru” and he gave me the most hilariously inadequate fishing rod ever. I mean seriously, look at the picture for this shit:

It’s a glorified stick, is what that is. Might as well catch a Magicarp for the Pokedex I suppose.
*Does so*

Hrm, normally I don’t bother trading Spearow for Farfetch’d but I can use the Pokedex entry this time around. Ch’Ding the Farfetch’d is mine!
.... Weird ass name.

Oh boy, now for the fan club. It’ll be great to get that Bike, but it’s going to be silly listening to this guy prattle on about his Rapidash... He probably has intimate relations with all his Pokemon, if you know what I mean. Well, bike Voucher get! I’ll be cashing that in... right after I finish exploring the town.

Well there was nothing of interest, so I went and got my bike. I find it hilarious that this guy just gives out something worth 1 million Pokedollars for just listening to him talk about how he fucks his Rapidash. Presumably anyway, I didn’t really pay attention.

Damn the Bicycle is slow in this game.

Anyway, onto route 11 for bit! The trainers there will be good exp.

OH! And now Charming gets to evolve! Wooo! 3 of my 4 Pokemon have evolved now :D

Hrm, the Pokemon are getting stronger; there are several lv 21s on this route. Not that it’s proving much of an issue mind you.

Good god the Engineers makes some of the lamest electric type puns I’ve ever heard. “You’re a spark plug” doesn’t even fucking make SENSE!

Well that’s all the trainers, just got to catch a Drowsee and I’m done here.
*few minutes later*
Well that was annoying, apparently Drowsee have Insomnia. I hope that I don’t run into too many other Pokemon with sleep preventing abilities...

Ok, I think I’m going to go through Diglett’s Cave before I do anything else, so I can catch the Pokemon I missed. Won’t be enough to get the Itemfinder just yet, but it’ll get me a lot closer. I’ll also catch me a Diglett too of course!

*after catching diglet*
Lol lv 17 Diglett’s Magnitude 9 does only 30% to Bulbus. Weak shit.

.... forgot I can’t get through to Pewter City until I get cut, what a waste of time >.<

At least Bulbus got lv 24 and Acid, a slightly superior STAB to Vine Whip baring type advantages/disadvantages.

Alright, onto the S.S. Anne I go! By the time I get through here everyone should be level 24-25, so Surge should be easy.

Alright, time to muscle my way through all the trainers and get all the items.

Oooooooo Brick Break! That’ll probably come in use before long. Either Ball or Charming or eventually Wuzzle, deciding who gets it is going to be tough.

“Gentleman” Arthur: “How dare you barge in, insolent pup!”
Gentleman my ass, crotchety old fart is more like it.
Anyway, Ball got Slash in that battle :D awesome!

LOL the Growlithe another Gentleman was using roared my Rattata AND my Farfetch’d out. Looks like they’ll be getting some experience after all. Hell, the Rattata actually levelled up.

Sailor: “You know what they say about Sailors and battling”
Nope, but I presume it’s something along the lines of “They really, really suck at it”.

Well this is going really easily, since I just go back to the bed after almost every fight heh heh. It’s not cheating :D it’s just using available resources!

Got TM 44 (Rest) too, although don’t think I’ll be using that. Most of my Pokemon this challange aren’t what you’d call “bulky” at this point, except for Ball and that’s only on the physical side.

*after a few more trainers*
Ok, time for my Rival! I out-level ALL his Pokemon by at least 5 levels so... this isn’t going to be very hard lol.

Is it just me, or is your rival a lot more helpful and less snotty than it was in Red and Blue in this game...? I really don’t recall him being so nice in the past... I mean, he just tells you that he’s doing well, and then suggests ways you can do well too. That’s not so bad.

Anyway, Shenron utterly wastes Pidgeotto with Thundershock, his Raticate is destroyed by Ball’s Dig, Wartortle is smacked about by Bulbus, and his Kadabra is mashed by Charming’s Metal Claw. Seriously easy stuff.

And now on to the Captain to get Cut! I just gotta not look at his puke, don’t look at his puke (oh god I can smell it). Why am I rubbing his back and how does that cure seasickness good god. I know. He’s a pedophile who tricks kids into giving him back rubs by making himself sick. Or he’s just weird like that

Either way, he’s still a sick bastard (Ba-dum, tsh!)

Hang on, if he gets sea sick so easy how the hell does he captain a world class cruise liner?

Anyway, teaching Farfetch’d cut. Time to get off, and then go back through Diglet’s cave and get all the stuff I couldn’t get last time, along with all the Pokemon I’ve missed. Goodbye S.S. Anne!

Alright, back on route 2 now! First I get Flash, not that I’m going to use it... I’ll just navigate by guide book map, thanks. OH just realized I can trade Abra for Mr. Mime here, I should do that for the extra Pokedex entry. Mimien (odd but better than Ch’Ding) is mine!

Alright, now to catch a Kakuna in Viridian forest...
*almost a god freaking hour later*
OMG WTF WHY DID THIS TAKE SO LONG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRG
*runs off waving arms and making monkey sounds, leaving civilization to live in the jungle*
Ok maybe not really, but seriously, I ran into like 4 Pikachu before I ran into this thing. And THEN it was a pain to catch since shed skin kept curing sleep and I couldn’t weaken it since it was such a low level I’d KO it AND I used every last one of my 3 pokeballs and 2 great balls to catch it!

ALL FOR A FUCKING KAKUNA

You know, that jungle is looking pretty good right now...

Alright, time to catch a few other Pokemon...

*catches Nidoran♀, Jigglypuff, Zubat, Geodude, Paras*

Alright, now to try for a Clefairy... believe it or not, I’m more likely to run into one of them than I was that damn Kakuna >.<

*maybe 10 minutes later*
Yup, a lot easier. Now to catch the damn thing at full health with Pokeballs >.> Oh joy.
*6 Pokeballs later*
There we go. And that was still easier than Kakuna, since I didn’t have to put it to sleep almost every turn, leaving me only able to throw Pokeballs every 3rd turn or so. Let it be known to the world that catching Kakuna is harder than catching Clefairy.

Hmmm while I’m on the upper part of Route 4, I think I’ll teach Mega Punch to Charming in place of Scratch. It’ll be a lot more useful than that move, that’s for sure.

Darn I still need 2 more entries to get the Itemfinder... well I got a plan. First step: Trade Nidoran♀ for Nidoran♂ on Route 5. Step 2: Catch a higher level Caterpie/Weedle/Metapod/Kakuna and evolve it using rare candy. Step 3: ???? Step 4: Profit!

Alright, both those done, so it’s time to pick up my Itemfinder!

Now for Lt. Surge and his lackeys! I just got my challange for Shenron changed so I no longer have to solo 4 gym leaders, but instead 50 electric type pokemon. Good opportunity to get some headway into that against Surge and his Lackeys!

I wonder just how much power he’s sucking from the city to power that electric force field of his. I bet when it gets switched on all the lights in Vermillion dim.

Shenron is more than a match for these other Electrics, bar Magnemite. And it levelled up to level 26, and got Thunderbolt! Booyah! Shenron suddenly got a lot more useful! Shame I can’t use him on ALL the electrics in the gym because of his low endurance restriction... basically it amounts to 1 Pokemon per a trainer for the most part.

Alright, let’s find these switches and annihilate Lt. Surge shall we?

*a few seconds later*

I find it strange he mentions war in a Pokemon game... just imagine how Pokemon would change war. Actually, I don’t want to. It sounds terrifying. Dying by fire is a terrible death... with so many Pokemon capable of attacking with massive, intense flames... *shudder*

The strategy for this battle is simple... Spam Dig with Ball. Easy as hell, in theory anyway.
*Voltorb gets OHKO’d by dig*
Pikachu now...
*Pikachu uses Double team*
Well that’s annoying hopefully dig still hi-
*Dig misses*
Well cmon, that’s like a 1/5 shot or something after only 1 double team. Now it’s just going to keep on doing it...
*after 1 more dig miss, slash hits, OHKOs*
Alright, that ended up being less annoying than I feared. Now for Raichu *shudder*
Digging time!
*Raichu uses double team*
Oh no you don’t
*Dig hits anyway! OHKO!*
Wahahaha well that was easy. I barely took any damage at all!

Well I think that just about concludes this chapter! Next chapter, I navigate Rock Tunnel and make my way to Celadon City!

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 3
Pokemon: 4
Blackouts: 1 (YOU SAW NOTHING)

Charming the Charmeleon:

Level 25
Ember
Metal Claw
Mega Punch
Attract

Shenron the Pikachu:

Level 26
Thunderbolt
Double Team
Quick Attack
Slam
Electric Solo tally: 3

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 26
Slash
Defense Curl
Sand-Attack
Dig

Bulbus the Weepinbell:

Level 25
Vine Whip
Growth
Stun Spore
Sleep Powder

Chapter 6: (I wish I was) Alone in the Dark

---

Alright, off to routes 9 and 10.

First battle up here is actually the first time I’ve had to use Attract with Charming. Just haven’t need him to fight any female Pokemon since he got it. It seems to me now that male trainers tend to carry male Pokemon while female trainers tend to carry female ones. This female camper has all female pokemon for instance.

Ooo TM 40 Aerial Ace... cool that might come in handy sometime.

Geeze I out-level the trainers here so much it’s not even remotely a challenge. Everything get’s OHKO’d...

Lol there’s a Bug Catcher with a lv 20 Caterpie and Weedle XD Seriously, how come so many trainers never evolve their Pokemon?

Alright, made it through to the Pokemon Center without difficulty. Oh, there’s another one of Oak’s aides here. Let’s see what he’s offering me... an everstone! Well that could come in handy if I end up having to over level Charming again... or it could be totally useless! Either one.

Anyway, I’m going to try and catch a Voltorb while I’m here, shouldn’t be too hard.
*catches a Voltorb first try*
Oh dear I’m almost out of Pokeballs. I guess I had better head back into town and buy some more before I head through the tunnel. There are Onix and Machop in there to catch!

First though, one more battle!
Ooooo this Camper has a Pikachu!
*OHKO’s with Slam*
One more to Shenron’s electric solo tally!
Actually, 2, since I ran into a wild Voltorb while using the Itemfinder.

*short trip back to Vermillion later*
Dammit, and there are no Great Balls here? I could’ve just gone to Cerulean...
*short trip back to Rock Tunnel later*

Alright, since I have 2 party slots available to me anyway I might as well throw Flash on some random Pokemon and use it for Rock Tunnel. Let’s see... that Buterfree I evolved for Pokedex data should do it!

Alright random-ass Butterfree, LET THERE BE LIGHT!

Aha! A Machop right off the bat! I’ll just catch it quick... There we go.


*walking casually along then suddenly...!*
GAH! CREEPY POKEMON COSPLAYER AMBUSH!
But seriously, Pokemaniacs are weird. It’s one thing when you’re wearing a costume to convention or something, but in the middle of a pitch black cave...? Wth?

And there are so many of them down here! Why are they attracted to the darkest place in the region? On second thought, I don’t think I want to know...

For that matter, why does anyone come here? It’s not like they’re just traveling through like me, they’re always here. I’m thinking some seriously perverse stuff goes on in the dark...

Hiker: “My Pokemon techniques will leave you crying!”
*has a single lv 25 Geodude*
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh yes, definitely. Crying with LAUGHTER that is!

You know what I don’t get? Rock Tunnel is basically a pitch black maze. Usually tunnels are yah know, straight and well lit. And yet, Diglett’s Cave gets called a cave when IT’S really a tunnel. Cmon, I can’t be the only one to notice this discrepancy.

GAH! Charming got fainted by a critical magnitude 8 from a lv 19 Geodude >.> Well my Pokemon were getting worn down anyway, so I guess I’ll backtrack to the Pokemon Center.

*uses an Escape Rope*
Alright, this’ll save time... wait I have Dig, why did I use a rope? Goddamnit!

If I remember correctly there is a Move Tutor down here that teaches Rock Slide... Ball will benefit greatly from that I think! I’ll replace Defense Curl with it when I get to him.
*does so*

OH an Onix! Finally, was beginning to think I’d get through the tunnel without seeing one! Hopefully it isn’t too difficult to catch...
*sleeps it and uses acid*
Geeze, Acid barely dents this thing, it’s going to take a while to wear down. I just wish I’d get some defense drops already...
*several weak acid attacks later, Onix wakes up*
And sleep powder keeps missing! Cmon! It’s in the red now, I just need it to be asleep!
*finally sleeps it*
Man, even at red health and asleep it still took every last one of my 8 Pokeballs to catch it! Thank lord that last ball worked...

Female Camper: “Eek! Don’t try anything funny in the dark!”
Oi, do I look like a pedo to you? On second thought, don’t answer that.
.
.
Aaaand then during the battle Charming is all creepy and uses Attract on all her Pokemon. Maybe she had a point.

Alright, I finally made it through that damn tunnel full of creepy people. Just the trainers outside of it to battle, then I’m going to check out Lavender Town!

Pokemaniac: “Hey kid, do you want to see my Pokemon”
AHHHHH ONE OF THEM ESCAPED INTO THE LIGHT! No, I do not want to see your “Pokemon”! Get the hell away from me D:

Female Camper: “I wish there was a pink Pokemon with a floral pattern!”
Holy shit, she just predicted the release of Munna O.O

*fighting against Geodude with Ball*
I don’t want to dig because I bet the damn thing will get Magnitude 10 when I’m underground and KO me... (since Magnitude does double damage when you’re underground.)
*Slash does pitiful damage*
Oh fuck it, I’ll just use Dig
*GEODUDE GETS MAGNITUDE 10 WHEN I’M UNDERGROUND*
WHAT THE FUCK... at least Ball survived! He is such a BEAST.
(seriously everyone, I had this exact thought process. I couldn’t believe it when it actually happened)

Alright, time to explore Lavender Town. There’s that classic, creepy music... you ever hear the myth that a bunch of kids listening to it in Japan committed suicide? It’s total bullshit of course... OR IS IT
*pulls out a noose*

Nah just kidding :P

Ahhh Great Balls at the Pokemart, finally! This’ll make catching things like that Onix much easier....

Name Rater is here, not that I need it for anything. None of you gave me challanges that required name changes =)

Jeeze the people here are depressing. All they talk about is death and Team Rocket. Forget the music; these NPCs drove those kids to suicide.

I think I’m going to travel up as far through the Pokemon Tower as I can now, or I’ll end up way out-leveling everything in there when I come back later. I won’t be able to fight or catch any wild Pokemon in there, but who gives a shit?

Oh ho, Derp is here! Let’s smash him shall we?
Derp: “Hey, why are you here? Is your Pokemon Dead? Hey it’s alive! At least I can make it faint!”
WOW that was insensitive. I take back anything nice I said about him last chapter.

Alright, Pidgeotto got fried by Shenron, Growlithe got smashed from bellow by Ball, Wartortle also got fried by Shenron, Exceggcute got roasted by Charming, and Kadabra got rocked by Ball. All in all, a very easy battle.
Derp: “Why you stinker! I took it easy on you, too!”
BS, you’re just a derp and suck balls. Accept it. REVEL IN IT.

Let’s head up this tower now shall we? There are a few items on the way there so it shouldn’t be a waste of time.

Oh right, all the Channelers here are possessed by ghost types. Seriously, they need some sort of “possession” move for ghost types, like where you get to choose your opponent’s move for them once. That’d be awesome.

I love how the Ghosts can’t be ID’d but you can still identify their levels lol. If you know their cries you can identify them anyway.

Lololol you can use Dig to get out of a TOWER. I’m sure the tower’s custodians appreciate THAT. I guess I just smash my way through the floors/ceilings? Or do I tunnel through the walls? It doesn’t really make sense... but this IS Pokemon after all.

All the Channelers have are Ghastly... kinda boring lol. Their “creepy” talk isn’t doing much to make me more excited either.

Oh wow one of them has a Haunter. So much variety! *rolls eyes*

Channeler: “Zombies!”
Lololololol this just made me crack up for some reason. I guess it’s because there’s never been anything even close to a zombie in Pokemon before, so it’s just so out of place.

Channeler: “Give... me... blood!”
o.o only genuinely freaky thing said in this entire tower. That’s a bit... mature for Pokemon isn’t it?

Well, there, finished climbing the tower, now I’m going to head to Celedon!

Well darn, it sure has been a long chapter already... I guess I’ll end it here and pick up at Celedon next time around! Until then, adios!

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 3
Pokemon: 4
Location: Lavender Town
Blackouts: 1 (Left the entire city in darkness. Oh wait, not that kind of blackout? My bad.)

Charming the Charmeleon:

Level 30
Ember
Metal Claw
Mega Punch
Attract

Shenron the Pikachu:

Level 30
Thunderbolt
Double Team
Quick Attack
Slam
Electric Solo tally: 5

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 30
Slash
Rock Slide
Sand-Attack
Dig

Bulbus the Weepinbell:

Level 30
Vine Whip
Growth
Acid
Sleep Powder

Chapter 7: Shopping Sprees and Undercover Opperations Totally Go Together

---

Alright, off to route 8! There are just a few trainers along here to battle, and a Vulpix to catch as well.

*fighting a lass*
You know what disturbs me about the Lasses in this game? They’re all clearly pre-pubescent girls wearing super short miniskirts. Seriously, take a look at this sprite:

She’s even posing suggestively. I thought this was a game aimed at kids, not one aimed at pedophiles.

And why do Super Nerds use Poison types like Muk and Grimer? I get why they use electric types, since that’s associated with science and such, but poison? Are you trying to say that nerds are slimy and gross Gamefreak? Is that it? WELL FUCK YOU THEN >:O

Oh ho! It’s time for my first double battle of the playthough! Twins... hrm well Shenron and Charming should do OK together...
*they just have Jigglypuff and Clefairy*
Lol ok I don’t think it’d matter who I sent out against these two.
*easily defeats them*

Oh, it’s time for the massive line-o-trainers! I’ve always been confused by this... why would 4 apparently unrelated trainers stand in a line next to each other? Furthermore, one of them is a Super Nerd and the other 3 are Lasses. Why would the Lasses... oh ho! Now Gamefreak is saying Super Nerds are slimy chick magnets! Errrr... Gamefreak doesn’t know its audience very well does it?

Oh hang on; the Super Nerd says they’re just stuck there because the gate to Saffron is closed. Suuuuure, that’s why you’re hanging out with 3 young girls you... either player or Pedophile. Depends on how old he is. It’s hard to tell.

Heh in a battle against a Nidorina I got my first chance to use Blaze. Poison and Double Kick put me in range. Ember did more damage with Ember than Mega Punch then, but I just wish there had been another Pokemon left so I could test how strong it is on an un-weakened Pokemon!

Heh, for having such low BP attacks, Bulbus is pretty effective. Sleep powder then set up with Growth, works like a charm. After he’s gotten 2 or 3 growths, nothing much stands in his way! After 4 or more, not even Pokemon that resist it can stand up to his mighty Vine Whip!

Alright, all the trainers have been demolished, so it’s time to catch a Vulpix!
*Couple minutes later*
There that wasn’t very hard.

Just a quick trip through the Underground Path and into Celadon I go!

Well things aren’t looking so hot in Celadon, with Rocket Grunts walking the streets like they own them. But before I deal with them, I got some exploring to do!

Ah, a nice old lady gave me some Tea inside the Celadon Mansion! I think some thirsty gate keepers will be liking this :P. Though, this doesn’t really make much sense for curing thirst, as the caffeine in Tea means it actually dehydrates you...

And now to talk to the Gamefreak employees for some blatantly unfunny 4th wall breaking and ego stroking. How wonderful.

I think I’ll be trying the back entrance now hm? I seem to remember a cute little split-evolving Pokemon that can be picked up there.
*few seconds later* Well hello there Eevee! Enjoy your time in the PC box >:D

Ok, now to take a Coin Case off some guy in the bar, who’s drinking away his sorrows after losing it all at the slots. Don’t believe that’s what he’s doing? There is CLEARLY a beer on the table in front of him. Yellow colour, classic beer mug, and foam on top. I wonder how they slipped THAT past the censors.

Rocket Grunt: “Don’t touch the poster at the Game Corner! There’s no switch behind it!”
I don’t need to say anything illustrate the incredible stupidity of this. It speaks for itself.

Alright, now for the department store! While I’m here, I gotta buy a water stone, a leaf stone and a thunder stone. I’m going to evolve Shenron right now as he doesn’t learn any other moves worth my time by level up, except maybe Light Screen at level 50 and I’m not waiting that long. Bulbus is another story... He doesn’t learn Razor Leaf, his best Stab (pathetic I know >.<) until lv 42. I’d normally wait on this, but I can’t evolve Charming until after Bulbus evolves, which is an issue since I need him to use Fly. I could evolve him now and simply relearn Razor Leaf when I get to Two Island and the move relearner there, but that’s a long time to go with just either Vine Whip or Giga Drain... I think I’ll leave him for now, and if he starts becoming a pain or I find I need to evolve Charming then I’ll evolve him. The Water Stone is for Wuzzle once I get him, but I don’t need to worry about that yet.

First though, let’s see what else the store has to offer shall we?

Some of these TMs will be useful, so I’ll be buying a few of these... Ball gets Brick Break over Sand-Attack, Charming also gets Brick break over Metal Claw, Ball gets Secret Power over Slash, and Bulbus also gets Secret Power over Acid since it’s more powerful even though it doesn’t get STAB and the only thing Acid gets super effective damage on before the national Pokedex is Tangela.

I love the animation for using the TMs and HMs in FR and LG. You take this CD and slap it on the Pokemon’s head, and it magically gives the Pokemon a new move. It looks hilarious and makes no sense at all XD.

There, I bought my evolutionary stones. I might as well evolve Shenron now.
*Shenron evolved into Raichu! Maybe he won’t be so freaking weak anymore!*

Ah, and up here I can buy soft drinks! I’m going to sell my Super Potions and buy Lemonades instead. Also there’s a girl up here that gives you 3 TMs, one for each drink! Best deal ever!
*TMs for Relect, Safeguard and Light Screen obtained!*

Now for the Game Corner. Now don’t worry, I’m not going to waste time at the slots just now... You’ll be wanting your update today, not next week :P. Instead I’m just going to talk to the people in there, and then Tom Clancy this shit up!

LOL you know that guy at every gym who gives you advice? Apparently he got a bit sidetracked by the Game Corner! He’ll still give you advice, but it seems that he ain’t leaving his seat for anything.

Wow there’s an enormous amount of hidden coins on the floor. My Itemfinder is going crazy! All these will come in handy when I do some slot playing later (oh you bet I will, just not until next chapter >:D)

Hello mister grunt, why are you guarding a poster? :P yeah let’s just battle and get this over with.
*plain demolishes pathetic guard*
If you’re going to have someone obviously guarding it, why even bother hiding the switch anyway? The guard kind of gives it away.

Alright, down I go, into the depths!
*Que Mission Impossible theme*

... Except that a real spy wouldn’t be running around just obliterating all the guards. But why be stealthy when the guards are so weak, eh?

Ah the old arrow floor tiles. I remember when I was a kid I had so much trouble with these. These days, I figure them out without even trying. Amazing what a difference something like 13 years makes, eh?

Wow I out-level all the grunts here by 10+ levels, and I haven’t grinded at all. Having just 4 Pokemon has led to me having them higher level than they usually are at this point... Especially since I tend to have enormous teams of 10 or more Pokemon, the members of which I regularly swap in and out of my party. I just like using a lot of Pokemon ok?

TM21 (Frustration) obtained. This totally useless move is going to rot in my bag for all eternity, since all my Pokemon love me :D. Not that it’s hard to get them to love you lol.

Oh cool I found the Blackglasses. If I actually had a single Pokemon that used Dark type moves that might actually be helpful!

TM49, Snatch... another useless TM. Well, in-game anyway. It’s pretty much impossible to predict the AI since they select moves at random =/

I love how the grunt with the Lift Key conveniently drops it right after you battle for no perceivable reason, then LETS YOU PICK IT UP! I mean seriously, it’s like the grunts are actually trying to HELP you instead of stop you sometimes.

And again, at the first floor where the elevator is blocked off by a gate, fighting the grunt causes the door to magically open. Is it just me, or is the writing in this game REALLY lazy?

Alright, all the grunts have been obliterated, time to fight Giovanni!

Or I have to demolish a couple more grunts guarding the door first. Whatever.
*Two thoroughly obliterated grunts later*
And the door magically opens again. Not even an “Oh our fight opened the door (somehow)” this time; it just opens magically on its own. Seriously, what is with this shit?

Anyway, time for Giovanni... but first, I’ve made my decision
*pulls out Leaf Stone*
Someone is going to evolve.
*Bulbus evolves into Victreebel!*
I figure that having one crappy stab move will be better than having TWO un-evolved Pokemon. Besides, I get Giga Drain for defeating Erika, and then I’ll just bloat it with PP Up. Hell, if the low PP doesn’t prove an issue I might not even replace it with Razor Leaf later.

Alright Giovanni... I got a lean, mean, yellow and green killing machine that wants to meet you!
Alright, first Pokemon is an Onix... I know what I’m doing
*Uses Sleep Powder*
Alright, time to boost up to ultimate destruction.
*3 Growths later*
That should be enough >:D time to go to town with Vine Whip!
*2 OHKOs later*
Just Kangaskhan left. Let’s see how well it can take a +3 Vine Whip!
*Does less than half health*
O.O pretty well apparently. Alright, off to dreamland you go while I boost some more.
*2 flinches, three misses and -1 def from tail whip later*
GODDAMIT SLEEP THE DAMN THING ALREADY
*Mega Punch*
OH SHI-
*Bulbus hangs on with 1hp, Sleep Powder finally hits*
ABOUT FREAKING TIME. That hax was driving me insane and thankfully a bit of it went my way with the low damage roll! Screw this, Ball is coming out to use Brick Break.
*Kangaskhan wakes up and flinches Ball with Bite*
...... you have got to be kidding me. Is this thing a fucking Jirachi in disguise or something?
*Brick Break finally KOs the damn thing*

Alright, that was more difficult than I had anticipated. Goddamn hax. Well, in any case Giovanni is defeated! You and I are heading downto-
*lights flicker, Giovanni disappears*
Wait what? So he’s a goddamn ninja now too? Or a Black Wizard with Warp, either one... well he left behind the Silph Scope at least! Now I can go finish the Pokemon Tower.

First though I got to grab a little something from Route 16...

Beyond the Young Couple, there’s a little house where someone has a certain HM that will be mighty handy to have... a little move called Fly :D
*Ch’Ding learned Fly!*
There we go! This’ll make backtracking so much easier. So, time to take flight to Lavender town.

Wait a second, I’m getting flown by a duck a quarter my size. HOW THE HELL DOES THIS WORK?

Well in any case, back up the Pokemon Tower I go! I Gotta catch Ghastly, Haunter and Cubone on the way. Hopefully I’ll be able to get all three without grinding.

*Catches a Gastly easily*

Darn, didn’t run into any of the other two yet. In any case, it’s time to take down the Ghost Marowak. Poor thing... I guess Team Rocket is more than just a bunch of silly louts after all, if they kill innocent Pokemon.

It means they’re MURDEROUS silly louts!

Anyway, it took a bit but I took it down. Damn thing has defences like a Panzer tank, and it hits pretty hard too. It gave Ball a run for his money, putting him in the red. Well, it’s been put to rest now.

Alright, time to take out the sick fucks who did this. Prepare to die Team Rocket!
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Wait I’m not allowed to kill them? Cmon, Charming hasn’t gotten to roast anyone yet! Pretty please?

Ah well I can at least kick their asses and send them packing.
*Second grunt’s Koffing Self-Destructs and takes out Charming*
GODDAMIT! I am so freaking glad this is not a Nuzlocke.
*Revive and Super Potion later*
Alright, now this is personal you fuckwads!
*Charming utterly wrecks the 3rd grunt*
EAT THAT COCKSUCKERS!
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*to Mr. Fuji* Ahem, anyway gramps, you’re free to go now.
Oh you want me to come with you? Alright, since I know I’m getting something awesome out of this I’ll tag along :P.
*One musical gift later*
Booyah! Thanks for one of the most useful items in the game gramps! Now I can sell all these awakening I picked up. But first, I gotta go catch a couple Pokemon I didn’t run into before...

*a short while later*
Alright, got a Cubone... just a Haunter now.
*runs into a Haunter*
Perfect, just gotta use sleep powder then wear it down...
*Haunter wakes up, uses Curse and kills itself*
-.- well that sucked. At least running into another one shouldn’t take too long.

*a couple minutes later*
AHA this time I left your health above half, so when you use Curse it puts you in perfect catching range!
Just got to sleep you through this confusion before Curse kills me and then you’re mine!
*Bulbus snaps out of confusion next turn, puts it to sleep. First Great Ball catches it*
YES! Alright, now we’re in business.

Alright just one more thing before I fight Erika. I got a 5th team member to catch! Back to route 16 (as soon as I buy about 20 more Great Balls)
Alright Snorlax, you’re about to discover a whole new world beyond sleeping, blocking pathways and being a general pain in the ass

Wakey wakey, smell the eggs and bakey!
Alright, the strategy here is to put it to sleep, use Growth a couple times and then weaken it with Vine Whip until I can catch it.
*damn thing eats a Chesto Berry*
.... well at least it won’t get to rest for free now...
And damn, it hits pretty hard.
*it uses goddamn SNORE*
Ok, this thing is going to be hell isn’t it
*+2 Vine whip does about 20%*
Oh yes, fiery, torturous hell.
*Now it uses Yawn (and Pokeflute wakes BOTH Pokemon up)*
I think I hate this thing already.
*10 great balls, 5 lemonade and +6 Sp.Att later*
*click*
FUCK YEAH I CAUGHT YOU, YOU FAT BASTARD!
.... I mean, welcome to the team Gen1OU *painfully forced grin*

And as an added bonus, I get some Leftovers for my trouble :D

Alright you mighty big pain in the ass, I’m going to use you to take out Erika’s lackeys. But first I have to give you Hyper Beam, since I need to get you as close to the Gen 1 standard set as possible ASAP, and that’s the only move from it I can give you right now. And since Gen1OU is a terrible name, I’m just going to refer to you as Bob from now on, alright Bob?

I wish I COULD teach it Selfdestruct, so I could make it pay for the hell it put me through catching it.

Alright, restocked and taught Bob Hyper Beam instead of Yawn. Time to finally head to Celadon Gym!

Creepy Old Guy: *is staring through gym windows* “Heheh! This GYM is great! It’s full of women!”
Ok, I don’t really need to say thing about this. I don’t have to; it’s all been said by many others before me already.
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But still. Ew.

Alright Bob, time to start Hyper Beaming everything in sight! Giving me access to a STAB 150BP move at this point in the game is a total game breaker eh heh heh!

*after Hyper Beaming a Weepinbell*
Jeeze, Hyper Beam looks kind of lame in Gen 3...

*ridiculous rampage of destruction later*
WOW. Bob is practically BROKEN at this point in the game. Nothing can scratch him and he can obliterate anything in a single hit with Hyper Beam, and most things are OHKO’d just with Headbutt. If I get statused I just heal it off with Rest. Seriously, it’s just plain unfair. It’s like using Arceus in RU. I only had to go to the Pokemon center because I was running out of PP (20 attacking PP total, and there are more than 20 Pokemon in the gym)

Alright, now it is time to Solo Erika with Charming. This is not going to be as easy as you’d think, since I’m betting all Erika’s Pokemon are female, meaning I can’t use my fire type attacks unless Blaze activates. On top of that her team has status inflicting moves out the wazoo. My strategy is going to be to hit them with Mega Punch as hard as I can until Blaze activates... then the real fun begins.
*she sends out Victreebel*
Sure enough, it’s female. Looks like I got a real fight on my hands. If only I could use Bob, this’d all be over in a few turns...
*Attract immobilizes Victreebel*
At least Attract is a damn useful move. It’ll make things a lot easier I think.
*Mega Punch is a 3-4HKO, and it manages to Paralyze Charming*
Oooo boy. This is going to be a long drawn-out fight isn’t it.
*a few Mega Punches later, Victreebell faints without getting a hit in*
Well despite 2 missed Mega Punches I actually got lucky there, with it being immobilized all the time. Next out is her Tangela... again female. Oh well, back to work!
*Tangela uses Ingrain*
Well that could prove annoying...
*Mega punch does good damage*
Ah good, Ingrain shouldn’t play in too much, assuming I don’t get haxed like mad.
*Mega Punch misses twice, FP’d once*
85% accuracy my ass... it’s already missed 4/8 uses.
*Goddamn Erika used Hyper Potion on it just as it gets near the red*
I. Hate. AI. Healing. Item. Spam. So much.
I’m switching to Brick Break now since actually hitting is more important than the extra 5 BP against Tangela. Brick Break won’t work on Vileplume, so I had better conserve Mega Punch’s PP anyway.
*Tangela finally goes down*
Ahhhh yes, now comes out Vileplume... this’ll be fun *sarcasm*.
*Vileplume uses Acid, it does some damage but not a lot*
Well that could be useful; if it activates Blaze I can end this much more quickly!
*Vileplume is immobilized a lot, while I crit with Mega Punch*
Hell yeah! One or two more Mega Punches should do it! Maybe I won’t need Blaze after all!
*After several turns of misses and parahax, Mega Punch finally connects and brings it to the red*
And the whole time it’s been completely immobilized by Attract! Ha, this has been epic! Charming really is a ladies’ man it would seem. Since it has so little HP left I’m going to use the more reliable Brick Break to finish it
*Vileplume faints*
Victory! On top of that, Charming reaches lv 34 and learns Flamethrower! EPIC! This could not have gone much better!

So I’ll just take my Giga Drain TM, Rainbow Badge and be on my way then Erika, thanks for the easy as hell gym eh? I’m going to teach Giga Drain to Bulbus right away, and then use both the PP Ups I have on it. It’s a much better STAB for him than Vine Whip, with almost twice as much BP, healing, and only a little bit less PP after I boost it up.

Alright then, that’s it. I got a decision to make now, since after Celadon City the game stops being quite so linear. I have 3 options on where to go next; I can take out Team Rocket in Saffron, head to Fuchsia City via Cycling Road or head to Fuchsia City from the Lavender Town side. I want to get Wuzzle ASAP, so I want to head to Fuchsia first. I’ll leave it up to you lot to decide which path I take though. The first person that PMs me a choice gets their choice acted upon!

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY (now with commentary!):

Badges: 4
Pokemon: 5
Location: Celadon, but departing soon.
Blackouts: 1 (My head still hurts from it. You know what Brock does to people that lose to him? It isn’t pretty.)

Charming the Charmeleon:

Level 34
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Mega Punch
Attract


Surprisingly, Charming has only been mediocre so far. He doesn’t have a lot of power or defences, and he finds himself getting hit and fainted a lot. His restriction can also be a pain, since it seems like all the people that use Grass types are female and so have all female Pokemon. Despite this he’s far from being a load on my team, and I strongly suspect he’ll become much, much more useful once he evolves.

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 33
Thunderbolt
Double Team
Quick Attack
Slam
Electric Solo tally: 5 (Not a single electric type encountered this chapter)

Man, before I evolved him Shenron was my clear LVP. He had terrible defences and didn’t have enough power to take advantage of his blistering speed, even after learning Thunderbolt. Charming fainted more, but that’s only because I wasn’t stupid enough to leave Shenron in against anything that could faint him (which was most things). Now that he has evolved though he is much more useful. He’s bulkier and hits harder, securing OKHO’s on most things with Thunderbolt or Slam and being able to take a hit if he doesn’t. However I expect him to become less useful again as my opponents get tougher.

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 33
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig


My MVP up to this point, Ball can take just about anything on. When Axemaster68 said he had no restrictions he was kidding of course, but ever since he evolved he’s felt like the least restricted member of my team by far. He hits like a truck, has great coverage and can take hits like a boss. Even the equivalent of a STAB 150BP super effective hit didn’t take him down last chapter! Of course it was from an un-evolved Pokemon 8 levels lower than him, but that’s still impressive.

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 33
Giga Drain (2 PP Up used)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Bulbus has actually been pulling his weight better than I expected him to. Despite having low BP attacks, his ability to boost reliably using Sleep Powder and Growth makes up for it, allowing him to devastate even Pokemon that resist Vine Whip. Since learning Secret Power over Acid he’s been even more useful, as it provides much better coverage alongside Vine Whip, hits harder AND can have a secondary effect. And of course he’s been instrumental in catching every Pokemon I’ve caught since I got him, and that counts.

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 32
Headbutt
Hyper Beam
Rest
Snore

Oh boy, the new boy on the team has impressed me. At first I wanted to kill him for being so freaking difficult to catch, but after obliterating the entire Celadon Gym with him all has been forgiven. He hits super hard, barely gets hurt by attacks himself and can even heal off status and damage with Rest. The only problem is I’ll have to get rid of Rest eventually to make room for Earthquake. However I don’t get the TM for it until after the 8th gym, so I have a long time to abuse a nigh on perfect set until then. In the end I think Bob (I refuse to call him “Gen1OU”) will likely end up my MVP.

Chapter 8: A Tale of Two Paths

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*the sound of ringing slots and jingling change *
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Huh? What? I’m supposed to be getting gym badges and thwarting Team Rocket? Yeah yeah... one more jackpot.
*turns back to slot machine*
Huh? Yeah, so I already got the Yellow flute and all the hold items I needed. So what? I need, like, more coins in case I need to buy a TM or something... yeah...
*turns back to slot machine*
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.
.
*sigh*
Oh all right, I’ll start my dang quest again... can’t a guy feed a life destroying addiction in peace?

Anyway, Both BrazilianGuy and King Serperior told me to go to Fuchsia via Lavendar town, so I guess that’s where I’ll be heading next! This works out well for me since I can pick up the Super Rod along the way, meaning I should be able to finally get Wuzzle and completely fill out my team.

First, I still need to stop by Route 16 for an item I forgot to get before. Don’t worry people, this detour will be short!

Wow, there are two small children (as in their sprites are literally smaller than yours) up in the gatehouse between cycling road and Celadon, and they’re apparently a couple, calling each other “girlfriend” and “boyfriend”. I hope I’m wrong and they’re just midgets or something, but the idea of kids that can’t be more than 7 or so (since they’re smaller than you and your character is TEN) are dating is too much even for my progressive tastes.

Anyway, also up here is one of Oak’s Aides, who gives you the Amulet Coin. I don’t need to say anything more about why I made this detour do I?

Alright, now that that’s taken care of it’s time to fly to Lavender Town and begin the long trek down to Fuchsia city.

In the gatehouse on route 12 a girl gave me TM 27 (Return). That will come in handy later, but for now I’m going to stick with Secret Power on all my Pokemon that could use it.
After fighting a couple Fishermen, Bob forgot Headbutt for Body Slam, and he’s now caught up to my other team members in terms of level. Though of course he already surpassed them all in effectiveness anyway...

*Many fishermen and one Young Couple later*

Ah, and here’s the second Snorlax. Thankfully I don’t have to catch this one: I can just cave its stupid head in, then steal its Leftovers off its gigantic corpse! So much easier, except hiding the body might be a tad difficult.
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What?

Strategy this time is simple. Send in Bob to Hyper Beam it into oblivion, since it’s the most powerful attack in my arsenal at the moment and would do more damage even than the Brick Breaks I could use. If it doesn’t go down in one hit, I’ll be stunned.
*Hyper Beam leaves it with a tiny amount of HP left*
*stunned silence*
... That is some serious bulk.
*finishes it off with Body Slam*
Well that was a lot easier than catching one, that’s for sure.

Alright, now I can pick up the Super Rod from that fishing “Guru’s” younger brother. I find it interesting that you can actually get the Super Rod before the Good Rod in this game; you’d think they would find some way to prevent that. Well in any case, before I proceed further it is time to collect the final member of my team!

First however, since I’m already here I might as well catch the new Pokemon in this area first.
*catches a Krabby and Gyarados*

Alright, now to fly to random locations and catch a load of Pokemon! Wooooo, it’s time to go on a fishing trip!
*Catches a Staryu in Pallet Town*
Alright, I should be able to get Poliwag in Viridian City now, along with a Slowpoke if I’m persistent.
*after a few tries fishes up a lv 20 (Female!) Poliwag*
Well looky here, it appears I will have a female member of my team after all. I hope she doesn’t feel intimidated by all the guys she’ll be forced to hang out with!
*Catches the Poliwag*
Welcome to the team Wuzzle! Let’s see, a Brave nature. Well could be worse, as she will have several physical moves and is fast enough that the speed drop shouldn’t hurt her too much. She already knows Hypnosis too, so that’s taken care of. Only 5 levels until she evolves, which shouldn’t take long. I won’t be able to give her Strength until I get to Fuchsia, but that’s no big deal. What’s going to be tricky is that to have her evolve into Poliwrath I need to have her Solo Sabrina (since Koga is reserved for Ball). At least the decision whether or not to evolve her after that will be an easy one, since the entire moveset I have planned for her consists of HM and TM moves.

Anyway, time to grind a bit for Slowpoke. Only a 5% encounter rate so this could take a while...
*30 minutes later I finally catch one*
Yeah I was right about it taking a while. At least it was far easier to actually catch than that damn Kakuna.

Hrm, actually I’m going to catch a Poliwhirl too, and trade that one for the Jynx in Cerulean. I need 50 Species for the EXP Share and I’m only at 46 at the moment, so those two more will help a lot. Once I get the Good Rod I can catch a Horsea and Goldeen as well and then I’ll have all the species I’ll ever need. I’ll be able to lay off Pokemon catching for good, except for legendaries.

*catches a Poliwhirl, then trades it for Jynx in Cerulean as planned*

Alright, one more thing to do before I continue on my way to Fuchsia: Wuzzle needs to catch up to the rest of my team!

*Cue training montage and “Eye of the Tiger”*

God Hypnosis is unreliable, and Wuzzle is weak as heck right now. I can’t wait until it evolves and gets a little stronger... Because getting KO’d by a wild lv 18 Pidgey is not cool, especially when you have 3 levels on it.

*Much tedious grinding later*
YES Level 25!
*Wuzzle evolved into Poliwhirl!*
Alright, now I can actually battle a trainer or two. First I want to get it a couple more levels, and then I’m going to continue down route 12 and simply train it on the way down.
First though I’m going to teach it Brick Break, Secret Power, and Dig since its current moves suck balls and I can buy as many of those TMs as I want.
*spends a few minutes slapping CDs onto Wuzzle’s head*

Alright just a bit more training now
*for a little bit of variety, cue the Rocky theme instead this time*

*After a little bit of much less tedious grinding*
Well that was a fuck-tonne easier than the previous 5 levels. Amazing how big a difference one evolution and whole new move set can be. She’s level 29 now, which should be plenty for the trainers on the way to Fuchsia.

Oh ho, a trainer with electric types! Shenron is about to get a couple added to his tally!
... and of course after beating him he makes a terrible pun on electricity. It just wouldn’t be Pokemon if he didn’t, would it?

On a side note, the trainers here have higher level Pokemon than I was expecting... Wuzzle could be in for some trouble :S.

*after a couple battles*
Well I do have to go to the Pokemon Center after every battle almost but it’s not just him. Basically everyone except Bob is having some minor difficulties with the sudden level spike. They don’t out-level my Pokemon mind you, but the fact they can actually hurt them most of the time means I have to heal them quite often.

*after a few more battles*
Or it was just those first few trainers that were troublesome, since my team isn’t having any difficulties now.

Oh, and apparently I can catch a Venonat here! I’m getting so close to being able to get the Exp. Share! It’s just a shame that I might not actually have much use for it now, with my whole team more or less balanced already in level.

Oh lovely, apparently this Picnicker owns the harbinger of doom. And it’s a lv 28 Goldeen. How do I know it’s the harbinger of doom? It gave me 666 exp! It MUST be pure evil!

ARG this annoying Pidgeotto whirlwinded in my Farfetch’d TWICE IN A ROW. Goddamn annoying, if it had just whirwinded one of my other Pokemon out I could’ve killed it without getting Wuzzle put in the red.
*Ch’Ding goes up 2 levels after the battle*
That’s 3 levels it’s gained by accident now, after the one it gained on the S.S. Anne. Hopefully it won’t be getting many more.

Ah this Picnicker has a Pikachu, another one to the tally for Shenron.
... Dang, at this rate I’m never going to get his restriction removed. I’ve only got 8 out of 50. But I have a plan... once I’m able to use Surf out of battle... yes I have a plan. Mwahahaha!

Alright, now onto the labyrinth that is Route 13. I mean seriously, this route is a mess of randomly placed fences that serve no discernable purpose. Did the Trick House master design this route or something? It certainly seems like something he’d cook up.

Female Picnicker: “You got those gym badges from gym leaders, I know!”
No shit Sherlock. While you’re at it, why don’t you deduce the answer to the mystery of where leaves come from? Or how about where that mysterious stinking brown pile of goo came from? (Hint! It’s a pile of shit!)

Another Picnicker: “You have to battle Pokemon to make them toughen up!”
Wow, there sure is a batch of budding super-geniuses on this route, isn’t there?

In other news, Wuzzle is now lv 33 and caught up to my other Pokemon. She’s actually doing pretty well now that she’s evolved and has some decent moves. Once she evolves again I think she’ll be a beast... especially if I decide to go through with a little idea I have in mind. You’re going to have to wait a bit to learn that plan too though =P.

Ah sweet I found another PP Up to use on Bulbus’ Giga Drain. It’s now maxed out! Hilariously, the sign on the other side of the fence where the PP Up is found actually says “Look look! On the other side of this post!” A funny touch that.

Bird Keeper: “TMs aren’t really rare, but not many people have HMs”
Really now? Then how the freaking hell does anyone get around this damn region? Half the place is only negotiable via HMs! Not to mention that some TMs are one-of-a-kind, and unlike HMs have only one use (Thank lord that got changed for Black and White).

Bird Keeper:
“Why? Why did I lose?”
It might have something to do with the fact you’re using Farfetch’d as your only Pokemon.

*against some Bikers*
ARRRG this is why I hate Poison types in this game. They are freaking hax MACHINES. They spam Minimize and Smokescreen then poison you with Sludge. It’s freaking annoying and ridiculous how bad the hax can get.

Alright, I’m going to catch a Ditto here and get my Pokedex up to 50. Then I can stop catching Pokemon except for Legendaries! Yeehaw!
*Catches a Ditto with only minor difficulty*
Alright, that’s it then! The great Pokemon hunt is officially concluded, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste any more time catching Pokemon I have no use for.

Ah there we are, finally onto Route 15, the last one before Fuchsia City. Damn this was a long ass trip.

Anyway, I’m going take the higher path for a quicker trip to Fuchsia, then come back and fight all the trainers after I’ve healed and taken Charming out of the PC (I had to put him since I needed Ch’Ding for Fly and Cut, and he was the highest level at the time so I was letting the others get EXP). Charming is going to be evolving quite soon :D.
First though, I got an Exp. Share to pick up!

Just a few more trainers on route 15 to finish off with Charming, then I can explore Fuchsia city and pick up a couple important HMs!

*A few battles later*
Oh yes, level 36! Here we go!
*Charming evolved into a motherfucking badass! Also known as Charizard*
HELLLLLLS YEAAAAAAH!

Alright, time to teach him to Fly! Then I don’t have to carry around Ch’Ding for a while, since I won’t need Cut again until the Sevii Islands. He’ll also gain a powerful secondary STAB in place of the unreliable Mega Punch, which will be very helpful against female Pokemon.

Alright I finished off the trainers. Time to walk around town and see what there is to see!

Oh wow, Bills Grandfather is here. Not that you can do anything with him in this game, but he’s here! You really should rein in that crazy ass kid of yours, before he takes over the world gramps.

Alright, now I finally have the Good Rod, though I no longer have any need of it. It can just rot in my pack I guess, along with the rest of the totally useless items I’ve gathered (Fame Checker and Teachy TV, I’m looking at you).

Let’s go the zoo shall we?
Chansey Sign: “Catching one is all up to chance.”
Oh boy, is it ever... I remember the hell I went through to get one on my first Leaf Green play-through. Thankfully they’re a hell of a lot easier to catch in Diamond and Pearl.

And Lapras... lovely lovely Lapras. One of my all-time favourites, right alongside Scyther. Speaking of which, you have no idea how pissed I was when I realized the version of the game I had gotten didn’t have Scyther in it. I was just glad I had a friend with Fire Red that was willing to trade one to me.

And Kangaskhan... believe it or not, this is one Pokemon that actually gave me more grief than Chansey, especially since this was one I could NOT get any other way at the time I was completing my Pearl Pokedex. Let’s just say I’m lucky my old DS is still in one piece.

Ooo Ultra Balls in the Pokemart. I won’t be using those for a while but it’ll be good to have them on hand for when I face the Legendary Pokemon (not sure If I’ll do that during this play-through however... we’ll see).

Alright, enough horsing (Ponytaing?) around, it’s time to explore the Safari Zone and get those HMs (along with all the other goodies in there).

Random Sign in Safari Zone: “Pokemon hide in tall grass. Zigzag through grassy areas to flush them out”
Seriously? This sign needs to be put into the game FOUR PLUS GYMS IN??? Goddamn, Gamefreak really doesn’t give much credit to its players does it?

Alright, I got TM 11 Sunny Day, an Exeggcute (just because I could), a Nidoran♀ (because I accidentally clicked the safari ball option instead of running), a Quick Claw, and a bunch of other assorted goodies on my first try. I kind of dicked around getting items so I didn’t get to the Secret House, but who gives a damn eh? I’ll just do a second trip.

Second time around I more or less made a bee-line for the Secret House and got a Ryhorn and a Paras (for the potentially useful Tiny Mushroom) along the way. I picked up the Gold Teeth and TM 32 Double Team there as well... though picking up the Gold Teeth is kinda gross when you think about it. I bet it still has slobber on it. Ick.

Anyway, after collecting the important stuff I checked out the other side of Area 3 as well to pick up the Max Potion and Max Revive there, since both will likely come in handy at some point. After that I just burned the clock (catching a Doduo in the process, why not) and walked out proud, carting off my massive haul. Seriously though, the amount of stuff in here is ridiculous. How come no one else picks any of it up? I mean there are at least a dozen NPCs in the Rest Houses... are they all blind or just apathetic?

Hang on, I just realized something. How come it’s too dangerous to walk in the grass outside of Pallet Town without a Pokemon to protect you, yet it’s totally safe to do so in the Safari Zone which has far more dangerous Pokemon? Heck, in the Safari Zone you can even chuck freaking ROCKS at them, to PURPOSEFULLY MAKE THE ANGRY. And yet you never get attacked by them! This is one hell of a massive plot hole if you ask me, even for a Pokemon game.

Well in any case, I returned the Gold Teeth to the Warden so he doesn’t sound like he’s got a pound of peanut butter in his mouth when he talks anymore, and got my HM 04 in return. Now I can teach Surf to Bob, and Strength to Wuzzle as per requirements. Wuzzle get’s Surf too since Water Gun is a terrible STAB attack at this point in the game. That’s all the original HMs obtained now... just Rock Smash and Waterfall left to get, and neither of those are useful outside of the Sevii Islands, so I might not actually need an HM Slave except when I’m out island hopping! That’ll be nice, as I don’t like having to carry HM slaves around.

Well now that that’s done, my team is still too low level for taking on Koga, so I think it’s time to go down Cycling Road as well! I’ll be starting from the Celadon end since going up Cycling road takes a lot more time than going down it.

First I got to take out the Celadon biker gang that hangs out at the top. These posers are about to get shown who’s really hardcore around here! I’m going to kick their asses with BULBUS! Mwahahahaha!

Well at least I’ll be using Bulbus until it levels up anyway XD then my others need experience. Still, Bulbus is totally pro for being able to take out their armies of Poison types by himself.

DAMN Wuzzle benefits from Surf so much. It’s great that she has STAB now that has more than 40BP. She’s OHKOing stuff left and right, when before she pretty much always was stuck with a 2HKO or worse.

Wow these bikers are a mean lot. One wanted to steal my bike, another likes to terrorize people with his Pokemon, and another just plain wants to thrash me. Hell, one back on route 15 actually said “Team Rocket rules!” Cmon you bunch of laggards, if you want to be up to the same standard of dickishness as Team Rocket, you need to pick up your game a bit. Try murdering a few Pokemon and then see how you fit in.
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Hey what are you looking at me like that for? I did NOT murder any Pokemon. A big-ass Snorlax you say? I have no idea what you’re talking about! *shifty eyes*

Holy crap this random Cue Ball had a freaking Machamp! It didn’t really do anything (Seismic Toss on a Snorlax is generally not a good idea) but still, that’s a surprising encounter at this point in the game.

Hey a Biker actually had Voltorb instead of Poison types! More Solos for Shenron! Up to 13 now.

Fwahahaha! Charming is such a beast now that he evolved. He might’ve been underperforming before, but no more!

*After a lot of battles and prolonged searching with the Itemfinder*
Alright, I’ve reached the end of Cycling Road and cleaned it out of goodies. Time to move on to Route 18... Then I got a decision to make.

But first I got few wings to clip. Nothing but 3 Bird Brains... er Bird Keepers on this route. This shouldn’t take long.

*a half dozen Fearows’ worth of flying feathers later*
Alright, my team is all lv 37 except for Bob, who is lv 36 now. I’m still out-leveled by Koga by a fair margin, but I am high enough that I could potentially win anyway. Issue is that even with Ball’s great Attack stat I’m not sure he’d be able to break down Weezing’s huge physical Defense. Rather than risk failing the Solo, I think I’m going to kick Team Rocket out of Saffron First. I’ll fly to Celadon now to prepare.

However, that story is going to be told next chapter, as I think this one has gone on long enough already. Between the two paths to Fuchsia and the Safari Zone, this took up a lot of time... You’ll just have to wait for your gym battles! I suspect next Chapter will make up for it though, as I’m thinking it will be the first (and likely only) time I’ll have two Gym Leader battles in the same chapter!

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 4
Pokemon: 6 (Full team! Wooo!)
Location: Celadon, but departing soon (again)
Blackouts: 1 (It ain’t happening again, not with this badass team!)

Charming the Charizard:

Level 37
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract


Before evolving, Charming was a little underwhelming. While he always did perform pretty well, he was more prone to fainting than most of my team and quite low powered, especially when forced to use non-fire attacks against female Pokemon. Evolving seems to have changed all this, though he’s only been in a few battles since his evolution so it’s hard to tell just how good he’s become. What IS clear is that his Flamethrower deals some insane damage now, and that Fly is far superior to Mega Punch.

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 37
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Double Team
Quick Attack
Slam
Electric Solo tally: 13 (more than doubled, but still 37 off)

Shenron has proven himself to be a worthy member of the team by now. While he might not be the hardest hitting and is the frailest member of my team, he’s also the fastest and having a strong electric type is invaluable. And while he might be frailer than my other team members, he isn’t getting blown away by light breezes either, so he’s far from a burden. Indeed, since he’s the only member of my team that can unleash a truly powerful special attack against most opponents (unlike Charming, who’s limited against female Pokemon) without set up (unlike Bulbus), he’s found additional niches beyond simply being a quick Electric type.

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 37
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig


Nothing much has changed with Ball since last chapter. He’s got the same moves as before and is just as reliable as ever. The one gripe I have with him is that his bulk tends to get ruined by poison more often than I’d like, but that’s more the fault of the high concentration of Poison types at this point of the game than any weakness on his part. It is a shame though that Weezing are such a pain for him to take down since he can’t hit them with Dig; it’s going to prove a big issue when it comes time to solo Koga with him.

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 37
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

The addition of Giga Drain to Bulbus’ repertoire has proven to be a great decision on my part. Not only is it far more powerful than Vine Whip, but the healing is a godsend. As expected however, the low PP can be a pain, but this is mostly because of all the damn evasion/accuracy haxing that’s been happening lately due to (again) all those damn Poison types at this point in the game. If it weren’t for that, it wouldn’t be an issue. Well, except for the fact that even without evasion and accuracy changes Sleep Powder seems to have an accuracy of around 25% instead of the 75% it’s supposed to have. Still, despite all these hax issues, he’s still very useful and I’m glad I have him.

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 36
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Rest
Surf

What’s there to say about Bob? He’s just as overpowered as I thought he was, and learning Body Slam only helped to make him more dangerous. I haven’t even needed to use Surf yet, and I doubt I will at all except against Rock types. Really there’s not much else to say except that Bob is currently the strongest member of my team.

Wuzzle the Poliwhirl

Level 37
Item: Mystic Water

The newest member of the team and the only girl, Wuzzle was not fun to evolve into Poliwhirl. I soon discovered that there are few things as underpowered as a Poliwag, and most of them are banned from being suggested as challanges. Thankfully I didn’t have to endure it long, and once Wuzzle evolved she became much more useful, especially once I shoved an entire new moveset down her throat. I ended up leading with her for most of the chapter, and though this was mostly just to get her caught up to the rest of the team she performed well enough that it wasn’t a drag to deal with. It’s becoming clear though that she is lacking in power (though Surf went part of the way towards fixing that) and her bulk also leaves something to be desired. I expect that once I manage to Solo Sabrina with her (that isn’t going to be easy) and evolve her, I’ll see an increase in performance similar to the one I noticed when Charming evolved into Charizard. I honestly can’t wait to figure out how she does, seeing as this is the first time I’ve ever used anything from the Poliwag line before outside of Pokemon Online.

Chapter 9: A Day for Big Battles

---

*Going through gate into Saffron City*
Alright mister thirsty guard, here’s your damn tea. I reheated it with Charming’s tail just for you! (I hope you burn your mouth on it).

Hoo Boy, and I thought Celadon was bad when it was occupied by Team Rocket. There’s not a single person on the street that isn’t a Rocket grunt. Well, let’s explore anyway...

Aha, the fighting dojo is open. I can take this on before I go into the Silph Co. Building. Come at me you fools!
*many smushed-up Fighting types later*
I’m going to take Hitmonlee just because. It doesn’t really matter which I get since I won’t be using it for anything either way.

Saffron gym is blocked off until I clear out Silph Co. of course. I don’t know why Sabrina doesn’t just obliterate all these fools herself... it’s not like they carry Dark types or anything. Ah well, I guess I’ll do the lazy bum’s work for her.

Oh, the trainer fan club is here!
Kid: “Brock’s the last word on cool, end of story! Now there’s a guy who I want to be like!”
... Don’t even mention Brock to me kid. Or else Charming might just have a little “accident” that results in your tragic death.

Several houses are blocked off by Team Rocket too. I wonder why they block off access to several random citizens; I mean are they a threat to them somehow? Actually, never mind. They are a threat. Light breezes are a threat to Team Rocket.

Mr. Psychic (really, is that his actual name, or did he change it to that?) gave me TM 29 (Psychic, duh). I don’t know whether to use it on Wuzzle or not. Wuzzle is the only one that can learn it other than Bob who I obviously can’t teach it to lest I break his restrictions, but Wuzzle’s Sp. Att is somewhat lacking. I suppose I could teach it over Dig so I could hit Koffing and Weezing harder... hrm. Well I don’t plan on keeping Dig forever anyway and if I do want it back I can always buy a new one. I guess I’ll teach it to Wuzzle after all.

Youngster in Pokemon Center: “Sigh... Wouldn’t this be great? If the Elite Four came and stomped Team Rocket?”
That’s a good point. Why the hell DOESN’T the Elite 4 come in and kick Team Rocket’s ass? Too high and mighty for such lowly work? Or are they in on it too? That’s it! It must be a huge-ass conspiracy! There’s probably aliens involved too! (There’s always aliens!)

Alright, enough goofing off. It’s time to infiltrate Silph Co. and free it from Team Rocket’s clutches!
*Cue Bond theme*

Before I start messing with the confusing as hell teleporters (oh yeah, you lot have to remember those. Everyone remembers those) I’m going explore all the areas that can be reached via the staircase. THEN I’ll start getting myself hopelessly lost.

Just fought a grunt with a team entirely made of Zubat. Can you imagine the thought process that went into that?
Grunt 1: For my team I want to have the most badass Pokemon possible!
Grunt 2: Hell yeah, what we need are a bunch of Scyther, Kabutops, Charizard -
Grunt 1: I was thinking Zubat
Grunt 2: What the fuck? You mean the tiny, eyeless, flying rodent that can get knocked out by a feather if you throw it hard enough?
Grunt 1: I know right! SO. BAD. ASS.

The Scientists here carry electric types :D more solos to the tally for Shenron!

Team Rocket Grunt: “Who are you??”
What are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I’m the goddamn Batman. Er no wait... I’m Jimera. Nice to meetcha :D

All Batman meme references aside, I found TM 41 Torment in this room. As you may have already guessed, this one is going to rot in my pack because it’s totally useless in-game.

You know what’s always confused me about Team Rocket in Silph Co? There are a few Jugglers tagging along with Team Rocket for some reason. It just doesn’t make any sense. Scientists, sure! Team Rocket needs Scientists. But motherfucking Jugglers? What are they there for, to keep up morale? Seriously, it makes me wonder if Team Rocket is really a gang or just a mischievous bunch of circus freaks.

Rocket Grunt: “I am one of the four Rocket Brothers!”
It’s like the 3 musketeers, only with a dash of mental retardation and a smidgeon of criminality added in for flavour! Oh joy...

Rocket Grunt: “You dare betray Team Rocket?”
I wasn’t aware you could betray an organization you were never aligned with in the first place...

Silph Employee: “The Rockets came and took over the building!”
And here I thought you had invited them over for a tea party! Well, don’t I look silly now.

Well I’m glad I taught Wuzzle Psychic already, it’s far superior to Dig even if it does come off his lower SpA stat.

Well this is a long dang climb. I’ve been at this for at least a half hour and I’m only up to the 10th floor. Just one more to go after this, then I can get the Card Key...

Wow, there are a lot of EV boosting items in this building... Protien, Carbros, Zince, you name it, it’s here somewhere. Does Silph Co. manufacture this stuff or something?

Alright, finally done wiping out all the grunts, scientists and... that lone juggler (still don’t get that) that I can without the Card Key. It’s now time to get said key and then open all the doors. THEN I’ll get lost in the teleporters. See I have system here I’ve been using my last few play-throughs. Keeps the frustration level down yah know?

You see there’s a really easy trick to get the Card Key once you know where is. The hallway where it’s located is blocked off on one end by a Rocket Grunt and on the other by both a Rocket Grunt and a teleporter. To get the key, you simply go through the teleporter, then step right back into it again from the other side. From there you simply walk down the hallway. It seems so simple now, but when I was a kid it took me goddamn hours to figure this out XD.

There, I got the Card Key. Time to do some breaking and entering!

With all the Scientists running about, Shenron is getting a lot of Solos added to his tally for once! He’s halfway there now with 25 Electric Types soloed.

Aha, I found TM01 Focus Punch. I just might make use of this one, but we’ll have to wait and see how things develop.

Also found TM08, Bulk Up. Another one that could potentially see some use...

Aha! I also found the beds you can use to heal your Pokemon. No more always running back to the Pokemon Center, not that I’ve needed to do that much really, since for the most part I out level everything here by quite a bit.

Alright, all done with the doors, just the final stretch to deal with now. I think I remember where the teleporter that leads to Derp’s room is. Hopefully I’m right so I don’t have to spend 20 minutes figuring out where the hell to go.

Sweet it would seem I was right! Well hello there Derp... what are you doing here?
Wait, he was waiting here, JUST to battle me, because he figured I’d swing by eventually? Not only is that a pretty big leap of logic, but I don’t know whether to be flattered or creeped out. I think I’m going with the latter. Derp, you are officially a creepy stalker.

Oops, I had Wuzzle out instead of Ball... since he leads with his Pidgeot, that wasn’t so good.
*swaps out to Ball, gets hit by Wing Attack which does pitiful damage*
Goooood this shouldn’t be hard
*Rock slide flinch leads to easy 2HKO*
Booyah, this is why I love Rock Slide. Flinch hax ftw!
*Blastoise comes out, I switch to Bulbus*
Alright, going to sleep it then Giga Drain it. So use sleep pow-
*Bite flinches Bulbus*
Alright, goes both ways, I’ll just try again
*flinches again*
Wouldn’t it be rich if he flinched Bulbus to death here?
*A Protect followed by another flinch*
Ok this is getting ridiculous. Sleep it already!
*Bulbus finally does not flinch*
Geeze that was annoying. Giga Drain time!
*Two Giga Drains put it in the red*
Alright one more shot! Giga Drain away Bulbus!
*Derp switches to Growlithe*
O.O BUT NPCS NEVER SWAP D: gaaaaaaah. Well whatever, I’ll just swap to Wuzzle now. His Blastoise is still asleep and has like 2 hp. It’s as good as dead anyway.
*Growlithe is OHKO’d by Surf, out comes Exeggcute*
Alright, Charming’s turn! I want these eggs sunny-side up alright Charming?
*Exeggcute is reduced to ash*
How the hell am I supposed to eat that Charming?!??!?! Goddamnit, you overcooked it again! Bad Charizard! Bad!
Heh he sent out his 99% dead Blastoise. I think this is going to be easy pickings, don’t you Shenron? I know you like frying this turtle, so I’m giving you the honours of finishing him off.
*One fried turtle later*
Alright, Alakazam now. I’m going to test how well Wuzzle can handle one of these, since he needs to solo Sabrina. Use Strength Wuzzle!
*Only does half damage, Alakazam uses Calm Mind*
Well this does not bode well.
*Alakazam uses Future Sight (Derp proves his derpiness once again!)*
*Alakazam faints*
And that’s that! Great work team! I’ll just collect my complimentary Lapras and be on my way to the Boss then.

ACK one last grunt apparently. Scared the bajeezus out of me he did, attacking me like that from the bottom of the screen. He actually saw me before I saw him!

*3 completely annihilated Pokemon later*

Alright Giovanni, you and I have some unfinished business to settle... I’m rescuing the President of Silph and taking you downtown!

*he sends out Nidorino*
Dangit I thought he’d be leading with a rock/ground type so I had Bulbus in the lead. Well, I think I’m just going to sweep him with Bob anyway, since Bob has Surf now and can’t be poisoned by Nidorino since he has Immunity as his ability. GO BOB!
*one pancaked Nidorino later*
A Nidoqueen? You only have 4 Pokemon, and before you had 3... and since you’ve shown 2 new Pokemon... which one did you get rid of? WHICH ONE DID YOU KILL!?!?!?!
.
.
.
What do you mean that’s a crazy jump in logic? Shaddup, I have my reasons >.>
*Surf does only around 25%*
Well screw that then. HYPER BEAM!
*KABOOOOOOM!*
That was more like it! Alright, he’s sending in Khangaskan next so I think I’ll switch to Ball, who’s probably best for this with Brick Break. Besides Bob took a lot of damage from Double Kick and would have to recharge if he stayed in...
*Brick Break 2HKOS*
Alright, just one more... Rhyhorn? You mean it still hasn’t evolved yet? Whatever, Bob will appreciate the extra ease in destroying it.
*Surf OKHOs*
Alright Giovanni, now you’re mine! You’re not getting away thi-
*Lights flicker, Giovanni vanishes*
MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT!
.
.
.
Ahem, are you and your aide alright Mr. President? Oh what, a magical Pokeball that can catch any Pokemon on the first try? HELL YES I WANT IT GIMME GIMME GIM—Ahem, I mean... why thank you, how generous you are!

Alright, now that that’s taken care of it’s time to defeat a couple Gym Leaders. The only question is... who first? I’m thinking I’ll have more trouble with Sabrina, so I should level up my Pokemon in Koga’s gym first and then take on Sabrina. So I guess it’s time to fly back to Fuchsia. Flying is so much cooler now that I’m doing it on a badass Charizard instead of being inexplicably carried by a tiny Farfetch’d.

First all his lackeys must bite the dust. This shouldn’t be too haa-
*first trainer has a lv 38 Hypno*
-rrrd..... well shit. It would seem the level of my opponents has jumped up a bit. Still, it shouldn’t be too much trouble... I just won’t be able to ignore type effectiveness like I do when I out-level stuff.

I don’t know if everyone knows this or not, but if you look REALLY closely you can see which tiles are actually invisible walls in the gym. They have tiny white pixels in their corners if it’s a wall... but it can be really hard to tell the difference. Usually, it’s just easier to run around until you find a hole in the wall and make it through.

*A few battles later*
Wooo everyone on the team has hit level 40 now!

Man everyone in this gym is obsessed with ninjas but don’t seem to understand what ninjas are. It’s like a Naruto convention...

Alright, it’s time to take on Koga. He has a lot of accuracy reducing moves, so I’m likely to have to swap Ball in and out a few times, but he’s going to be the only one using any moves. I’ve got enough Antidote that I should be able to prevent poison from killing me and besides poison they don’t really have any way to harm Ball, as I highly doubt his Koffings’ Selfdestructs will really do much between their low Attack and my high Defence. It’s not so much an issue of whether or not I’ll win, but how long it’ll take me to win.

Koga: “Fwahahaha! A mere child like you dares to challenge me? The very idea makes me shiver with mirth! Very well, I shall show you true terror as a ninja master.”
Wow someone is cocky. Well a wise man once said...
BRING IT ON COCKSUCKER!
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.
.
Or something to that effect.

Ok, Koffing comes out first. This should be easy, a couple Secret Powers should be enough.
*Does less than half health*
That does not bode well. At least his Sludge did so little damage I was able to recover off all the damage with my leftovers.
*Koffing used Selfdestruct!*
Ouch. That did about 2/3 of my health. I’m going to have to waste a turn healing Ball...
*Muk comes out next*
Alright I’ll just patch myself up with some Lemonade..
*Muk used Minimize*
... fuck I hate that move. So much. Hopefully Dig will still hit...
*Muk used Acid Armor, Dig misses, Muk uses Minimize again*
God I am wishing I had given Ball Swift at this point.
*Dig hits, but Muk has +4 Defence now so it does pitiful damage*
... This is bad.
*Ball continues to either miss or do pitiful damage, Muk continues boosting. I keep using Antidote whenever Ball gets poisoned*
It’s a good thing I decided to buy around 40 Antidote, just in case this happened!
*Many misses later*
Good god I’m going to have to start using Ethers soon. This is getting ridiculous. I should in theory be hitting at least as often as he poisons me with Sludge. That is not happening.
*Many turns later*
Well both its evasion and defense are now +6. Lovely. It can’t do enough to kill me (I’ve used 2 lemonades though as all those Sludges add up after a while) but I can’t even hit it. Gah! I’m also worried that as soon as I get it in the red Koga is just going to heal it back to full health, so I’m trying to do my best to ensure it goes straight from yellow to fainted. At this rate though, it might end up just struggling to death...
*I get it into low yellow AND KOGA USES A HYPER POTION*
ARRRRRRRRG I AM going to have to struggle this thing to death! Un-friggin-believable.
*a couple turns later*
Well it’s stopped using Toxic and Sludge entirely so I guess those are out of PP. Now I just have to wait it out, using Elixers so I don’t struggle to death myself... jeeze.
*Many, many turns later*
Well the occasional hit I’m landing actually is slowly wearing it down. As long as Koga doesn’t have any more healing items, I might actually be able to KO it.
*Koga uses another goddamn Hyper Potion*
Alright, there goes that hope. Max Elixer it’s going to have to be. My first ever Max Elixer used... damn.
*10 Digs and one Ether later*
*Muk Struggles*
ABOUT FRIGGIN TIME! Now this can finally end!
*Notices that Muk lost nearly no health*
OH CRAP in generation III Struggle only damages the user for 50% of the damage they did instead of taking out ¼ of their health. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END?
At least Koga seems to be out of Hyper Potions... eventually I will KO this thing with Dig.
*finally deals finishing blow*
YES! There we go! That only took 2 Lemonade, 1 Max Elixer, 1 Ether and god knows how many Antidotes. At least his other Pokemon can’t boost their Defence and evasion.
*Koffing uses Smokescreen*
Instead they do that. *Sigh* I hate this. So much.
*Koffing uses Selfdestruct*
Alright, I’m switching to something else just to heal him up and get his accuracy back to normal, then switching back in. Bob can soak up whatever Weezing does.
*Does so*
Alright, back in Bal-
*immediately hit with another Smokescreen*
This is seriously uncool.
*Rockslide hits but does less than 30%*
Yeah... this is going to be annoying. It can’t touch me with Sludge either... it’s just going to be another long haul. I’ll save you the trouble and cut to the end
*several turns and misses later, Weezing faints*
FREAKING FINALLY. This is by far the longest battle I’ve ever had against a NPC in Pokemon. Good god was this annoying...

Alright, got TM06 Toxic and my Soul Badge. Now it’s Sabrina’s turn to fall, this time to Wuzzle... this might be tough. Koga might’ve been annoying but Ball was never in any real danger of fainting. Wuzzle on the other hand might not be so lucky. If only it could learn Shadow Ball...

But first her lackeys need to be defeated. Get to work team!

Wow the trainers here are braggarts. All they can talk about is how they kicked the fighting dojo’s ass. Hardly an achievement when you both use only one type and yours happens to be super effective against the other...

Alright, all the trainers have been taken care of. Now I just got to fight Sabrina... this’ll be tough. I know Wuzzle doesn’t have the oomph to OHKO her Alakazam, and she might be able to OHKO Wuzzle, in which case I don’t know how I’m going to manage this. I’ll figure something out I suppose. Got to get to her through the maze of teleporters first.

I have a simple trick for getting to her room... just walking straight into the teleporter across the room from me every time. Sooner or later, I get to the one that brings me to Sabrina.

Alright Sabrina, let’s have at it!

First out is her Kadabra... this shouldn’t be too hard.
*Strength OHKO’s*
BOOYAH! Mr. Mime up next.
*Strength does over half health but Mr. Mime uses Barrier*
Alright then, I’ll just use Surf instead!
*Doesn’t KO, hits hard back with Psybeam*
Ouch.
*Hyper potion*
FUDGE MUFFINS NOT THIS CRAP AGAIN
*I use a Hyper Potion of my own*
Man I hope Alakazam doesn’t OHKO me...
*Mr. Mime faints, Venomoth comes out*
Psychic time baby!
*Does half health, but her Psybeam is weak*
Alright, time for a Lemonade, then I’ll Ko her from mostly full health.
*Venomoth faints*
Alright, here comes Alakazam... here goes nothing! Strength!
*Psychic OHKOs*
.... shit. Ok time for a Max Revive.
*Alakazam uses Calm mind*
I’m fucked aren’t I?
*Switches in Wuzzle who gets OHKO’d again*
Crap going to have to sac on of Wuzzle’s team members. Ball? You do it.
*Future Sight*
GODDAMNIT NOW I CANT EVEN SWITCH HIM IN SAFELY IF BALL FAINTS!
*Swaps in Bulbus to take the Psychic, Bulbus is OHKO’d*
Ok now for something else to take the Future sight.. Shenron, you’re up.
*Shenron takes a Psychic but barely survives, and the Future Sight misses!*
.... not what I wanted. Now Shenron is at 2HP, I can’t risk switching in Wuzzle and it could use Future sight again. This shit is not going well.
*Future sight*
.... ok this could go on for a while. I’ll just let you know when it’s done.
It seems I basically have to stall out Psychics PP by using the rest of my team as death fodder, reviving them as needed.
*after a bit of switching, Wuzzle finally gets a chance to switch in.*
Alright, time to go for the Strength!
*Alakazam uses Future Sight, Strength does over half*
Alright, just one more!
*Psychic OHKO’s*
.... Goddamit. And Alakazam has Recover too... Oh well, time for more death foddering.
*A couple faints later Wuzzle gets back in*
Please use Future Sight, Please use Future Sight...
*Alakazam used Future Sight! Alakazam Fainted!*
FUCK YES!
Wow that was horrifically hard. Man these two gym battles have used up a lot of items! At least it’s done now! I’ll just take my TM04 Calm Mind and my Marsh Badge now, thank you very much.

Now Wuzzle, it is time for you to reach your full potential. Behold the Water Stone!
*Wuzzle evolved into Poliwrath!*
FUCK YEAH! My entire team is now fully evolved! Well this is a good time to end the chapter I think, now that we’re on a bit of a high note! Next time, I begin the trip to Cinnabar Island, as soon as I implement a little plan I hinted at earlier...

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 6
Pokemon: 6 (Fully evolved too!)
Location: Saffron City
Blackouts: 1 (Though Sabrina tried her hardest to cause a second one)

Charming the Charizard:

Level 41
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract


I was right about Charming becoming a beast. So far his Flamethrower has only failed to OHKO a target once. Female pokemon with status moves still annoy him though, since they get a 50% chance of statusing Charming on the turn he uses Attract. “Annoy” is the key word in that sentence though; nothing has come even close to threatening him since he evolved.

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 41
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Double Team
Quick Attack
Slam
Electric Solo tally: 25 (Half way there!)

Shenron is well on his way to having one of his restrictions lifted now. I have a plan that will ensure that I reach the required 50 electric Pokemon next chapter in fact. The only question is which restriction to lift. Needing to switch out after every Pokemon he KO’s is quite annoying, but he’d greatly benefit from a few choice TMs too. I’m not 100% decided on which one I’m going with, but I’m leaning towards one over the other. You’ll have to wait to find out which on that is though!

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 40
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig


Ball showed he can keep up with the best of them this chapter. Sure his Solo against Koga took forever, but thanks to his huge attack and defence stat he was never in any danger of failing. He continues to be a force for my team, though he no longer overshadows his teammates as he once did.

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 40
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Bublus is doing fine as always, and has actually proven to be bulkier than I was expecting him to be. As expected, once I stopped fighting so many Pokemon that used evasion hax he became much more useful again, and Giga Drain’s PP has not been an issue. I’ll probably end up keeping it instead of replacing it with Razor Leaf in the end.

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 40
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Rest
Surf

Bob has actually been showing signs of weakness recently. I didn’t mention it in the log, but he actually got KO’d by a critical Cross Chop from a Mankey of all things at the Saffron dojo. Physical attacks in general are starting actually leave dents in him. While he’s still pretty much invincible except against fighting types, he’s not nearly as broken as he was before.

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 41
Item: Mystic Water
Psychic
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Despite being NFE the whole chapter Wuzzle managed to keep up with the rest of my team and perform very well. It wasn’t until Sabrina that I began to worry, and that’s more by virtue of Alakazam’s pure badassery than any fault of Wuzzle’s. Now that she’s fully evolved though... well let’s just say I expect some serious ass kicking to start happening.

Chapter 10: Fire and Water Don't Mix

---

Before we leave Saffron, we need to see how things have changed that Team Rocket has been kicked out. There’s a couple new places for me to visit, and I just want to see the fruits of my labour.

Random Citizen: “You beat Team Rocket all alone? That’s amazing!”
Well I am pretty great *cheesy grin* heh heh...
.
.
.
Why are you all looking at me like that? I AM DAMMIT!

Oooo now we can visit the Copycat! Of course, I won’t be getting Mimic off her since it’s pretty much useless, but I will check it out anyway.
Darn all she does is mimic your voice. Here I was hoping she’d turn into my sprite or something...

Well that was boring. Alright, time to get going! First I’m going to be taking a little detour though...

I’m going to go the Power Plant south of Rock Cave and solo 25 more Pokemon with Shenron, and then I’m going to remove one of his restrictions. I think I’ll remove the TM restriction, since most of the time having to switch him out isn’t that annoying, but missing all the freaking time with Slam IS.

I am not however going to attempt to catch Zapdos just yet. I might in a later chapter, but for now I just want to move on.

*outside the Power Plant*
AHHHHHH IT’S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE COSPLAYING FREAKS! DIE FREAK DIE!
*Bob Hyper Beams him*
AHhhhh... oh. Well um... there doesn’t seem to be much of him left... let’s just move along quickly...
*Sprints off in a mad dash*

Ahem... anyway, I’m going to clean out the plant of any items while I’m here. I guess I’ll destroy all the Voltorb and Electrode here as well while I’m at it. I’ll just let you know when I’m done...

Found TM17 Protect. I don’t think I’ll be using it though... my Pokemon are good with the moves they have.

Found TM25 Thunder. Again I probably won’t be using it, because the accuracy sucks and I don’t have a rain starter.

*A little bit later*
Booyah! Shenron has now solo’d 50 Electric types! Time to learn some TMs my dear Raichu! But which ones? Hrmmm I think I’ll do Return and Light Screen. Light Screen will boost Shenron’s weak defenses and give team support, while Return is just 900 times more reliable than Slam. No need for Iron Tail, as it has the same accuracy as Slam and there’s no need for Shenron to fight any Rock types anyway.

Alright, NOW I can head to Cinnabar! I’m heading there from Fuchsia, through the Seafoam Islands, so I encounter as much stuff as I can along the way.

First off there are a couple Swimmers on route 19 that must be defeated.
ACK! Why must they all be skinny ass freaks that wear goggles, swim caps and SPEEDOS??? My poor eyes T.T

Alright, time to cruise across the sea in style! On top of a morbidly obese, furless panda bear. Can’t be any cooler than that!

Now what’s really cool is obliterating all these water types with water weak Pokemon like Ball and Charming! Of course, that might have something to do with having at least 10 levels on every last Pokemon here, but you all just never mind that!

Male Swimmer: (After defeat) “M-my legs! They cramped up! Glub, glub...”
And then you leave him to drown. Because that’s what heroes do! The leave freaky swimmers to drown, making the world a better place!
.
.
.
Wait, that doesn’t seem right somehow.

Oh ho, now here are some female swimmers! Much easier on the eyes *wink wink nudge nudge*. And for once, they don’t seem to be underage! Somehow though, I still bet that there’s more Lass porn floating around the web... because it’s the internet people. It thrives on this shit.

Man all the swimmers on the route are super jealous of the fact I’m riding on a giant hairless panda bear instead of swimming like a n00b.
Male Swimmer: “Why are you riding a Pokemon? Can’t you swim?”
.
.
.
Shut up n00b! D:

Ah finally, I have reached the Seafoam Islands. I will explore it, but again, its resident legendary bird is being saved ‘til later. I’m just here for all the goodies. Time for a scavenger hunt!

Female Swimmer at cave entrance: “Want to float with me?”
Oh yeah, I’ll float with you all night long baby *bow chicka wow-wow*
... that WAS some sort of innuendo right? Right?

I wonder how all these human-made items ended up in this cave, despite there being a complete and utter lack of trainers inside... makes you wonder what happened to the people that brought them here... If I stumble over a frozen body down here, I’m quitting.

I guess I’ll put the boulders where they’re supposed to go while I’m down here, to save time on the return trip.

“Too bad, the bag is full...”
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
Ok, looks like I’m going to have to make a trip back to Fuchsia... ugh I am so glad that in later generations your bag has infinite capacity.

Ok, stored a bunch of crap, now I can pick up everything here. I reaaally don’t have much to say about this place since I’m just running around collecting stuff and solving the piss easy strength puzzle, without fighting anything soooo I’ll just skip to where I get to the other side.

*30 minutes later*
Alright, through that damn cave, got all the items, now I can continue onto Cinnabar!

Female Swimmer: *My boyfriend gave me big pearls*
*snigger* did he make them into a necklace?

*Several uneventful trainer battles later*

Finally, I’m at Cinnabar. Not much to explore in this little town, but I’ll take a look around anyway.

Huh, the gym is locked. Strange, I forgot about that. It’s been so long since I actually got this far in a Kanto game I don’t remember all the stuff...

Everyone here keeps hinting that the Pokemon Mansion used to be used in all sorts of experiments. I bet... BILL WAS HERE >:O
I mean really, how many mad scientists can there be in one region? Surely it was him riiiiight?

Well mystery of the locked gym is solved. This girl in the Pokemon Center basically spoils all sense of mystery and suspense and tells you “Oh yeah, key is probably in the Pokemon mansion, since the gym leader’s friend used to live there! Hur dur, what’s this thing you call “an interesting story” again?”

Alright, only place to check out before the Mansion is the Pokemon Lab. What dastardly experiments are they conducting here hmmm? Well other than the obvious fossil reanimation.

Hrm a couple people wanting to trade Pokemon... HELL NO OLD MAN I’M NOT TRADING SHENRON FOR YOUR STINKING ELECTRODE GTFO!

Bah, nothing interesting here except for the fossil reanimation it would seem. I actually am going to reanimate my Kabuto fossil, because I’ve realized that once I evolve it (Through rare candies and the Exp. Share) it will become the perfect HM slave for the Sevii Islands, able to learn Cut, Rock Smash, Surf AND Waterfall. I got 7 rare candies, so only need to get it to lv 33 to evolve it. Only issue is it starts at lv 5... it might take a short while to get it there.

So now all that’s left is the Pokemon mansion... however, I think I’m going to clear out Route 21 first for some additional training. This shouldn’t take too long...

*2 battles later*
Damn, Kabuto has already gotten 8 levels. I know it’ll slow down as it gets close to level 33, but hopefully it’ll reach it before I have to fight Blaine.

*Several more battles later*
Alright, let’s see... how high did Kabuto manage to get?
.
.
.
Only level 21?!?!? GAH. Well I’ll just hold onto it through the Pokemon Mansion. Surely, it can’t take THAT long to get the damn thing to level 33.

Alright, time to explore the crumbling and undoubtedly totally unsafe, likely chemical waste filled Pokemon Mansion now! What could possibly go wrong?

Wow the wild Pokemon here are all in the low lv 30s, by far the most powerful I’ve encountered so far. If the trainers here aren’t enough to get Kabuto to lv 33, then at least I can grind here a while until it gets there.

Before I start pressing buttons on Mewtwo statues, I’m going to explore all the areas already open to me. That way I don’t block off areas I could have explored without realizing it, and I actually know what the hell changed when I press the button. Remember kids, pushing the big red button as soon as you see it tends to lead to shit exploding. So don’t do it.

Burglar: “I can’t get out! This whole place is like one big puzzle!”
... You do realize there’s nothing blocking you from the stairs, literally 6 steps away from you, after which you can just walk right out the front door right?

Oho, the mysterious journal entries detailing the creation of Mewtwo! How they got left out in the open where anyone could read them is anyone’s guess, but why they aren’t all together and each consist of one sentence is just plain unexplainable.

Alright, I explored all the areas that are open by default, now time to start messing with switches. Again, what could possibly go wrong? *presses big red button*
Female electronic voice: “Self Destruct sequence activated. T-minus 30 seconds until detonation. Please evacuate premises immediately.”
WHAT THE FUCK *BOOOOOM* AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh

Nawww just kidding. Some doors opened and others closed, but like, it’s totally anticlimactic. If you’re going to hide switches inside Mewtwo statues, at least make them do something cool right? Laser beam security system maybe? Activate the hidden rockets that turn the Mansion into a flying fortress? Cmon, use some imagination!

Hmmm would seem that when one Mewtwo statue is activated, they all are. I totally forget how this puzzle works except that you have to jump off a ledge at some point, so I’m looking forward to figuring it out. I loves the puzzles, they make me feel the smarts :D

Reached the part where you have to jump... I love how in this game your character doesn’t hesitate to fall 10-30 feet in the name of exploration. By now his ankles must have been broken so many times they’ve solidified into solid hunks of bone.

Oh ho, I found another rare candy! Now I can evolve Kabuto at level 32 instead of lv 33. That extra level might not seem like much, but at this point it takes an annoyingly long time to level it up.

Aha, made it to basement floor! Just a few small things to acquire down here, then I can take on the gym! I wonder why the floor down here is wood while upstairs it’s all tile... and why there are no collapsed areas down here. Usually, basements tend to get the worst of it when upper floors collapse. Maybe this was the bomb bunker?

Oh ho, I found TM14 Blizzard! I don’t think I’ll be using it though because of its craptacular accuracy. If I need an ice type move, I’ll give Ice Beam to Wuzzle.

I also got the Secret Key, and TM22 Solarbeam, which will never be used. Solarbeam is pretty much shit outside of sun, and I’m not going to be setting up sun so it’s just plain shit. Giga Drain is better overall.

Just before leaving the Mansion, Kabuto reached lv 32! YES now I can evolve it and then stuff it in the PC until I have need of it for HM slaving! Booyah!
*Kabuto evolves into Kabutops*
I kind of wish I could actually use it. I’ve always wanted to try using a Kabutops...

Well anyway, I can now unlock the gym and defeat Blaine! He should be easy, since for once I have no restrictions fighting him and most of my team laughs at Fire types. First though, I got to get to him. While I could do this without fighting any of his lackeys by getting quiz questions right, I want exp and so I’m going to just fight his trainers anyway.

Why are there so many Burglars in this gym? Makes me wonder what Blaine gets up to in his spare time :S

Alright, time to fight Blaine! Between Wuzzle and Ball, this is going to be a straightforward and easy fight. Just spam super effective attacks until my Pokemon are the only ones left standing. Get ready to rumble!

Ball comes out first for me and Growlithe for him. Intimidate means I’ll have to switch when his next Pokemon comes out, but Growlithe has such pathetic defences I’m sure I can KO with Dig despite it.
*Dig Crits*
Bahahahaha ok now it definitely OHKO’s. Ponyta is up next... screw switching out, it’s a freaking Ponyta. Intimidate or no Intimidate, I’ll be able to handle it with Ball.
*Dig OHKO’s*
Alright, Rapidash, his first serious Pokemon. I think I’ll keep Ball in anyway, since I had best keep Wuzzle fresh for Arcanine. It’s not like Rapidash has a chance in hell of killing Ball anyway.
*Fire blast misses, Dig takes it into the red*
Here comes a Hyper Potion I’m sure, so I’m digging again.
*sure enough, a Hyper Potion gets used. Dig takes it into the red again*
What’s the bet he uses another? KEEP DIGGING!
*Item spam continues, Dig pwnage also continues*
Alright, one more
*Fire blast hits and does 2/3 damage, but Dig finishes it*
Holy shit, ok it’s good that the first Fire Blast missed. Seems Wuzzle is definitely my go-to-girl for Arcanine, as Ball likely wouldn’t survive.
*Wuzzle and Arcanine face off!*
Intimidate doesn’t matter when I’m using Surf! Wahahaha!
*Surf does ¾ to Arcanine, while Wuzzle takes less than 1/3 from Fire Blast*
Oh yeah, all set. Finish it!
*Arcanine Faints!*
Booyah! Thanks for the easiest gym battle I’ve had all game Blaine! Also, thanks for TM 38 Fire Blast, though I think I’ll be sticking with Flamethrower for its reliability.

Uh oh, Bill ambushed me outside the gym. I guess I got no choice but to head off to One Island...
There, we meet Celio (that sounds more like a Pokemon name than a human one...), I get given a stupid rock to deliver and find out that I can’t even access the Pokemon in my PC right now. Since I kind of need to get Kabutops back in my party in order to actually explore these Islands, that means getting the PC system running here is my top priority.

However, it’s a priority for next time, since I think this is a good time to end the chapter. Next time, we go island hopping! Shame these islands aren’t exactly tropical... not much of a vacation.

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 7
Pokemon: 6
Location: One Island
Blackouts: 1 (And looking more and more like that count is going to stay where it is.)

Charming the Charizard:

Level 44
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract


Charming is holding his own as usual, though I’m becoming more and more annoyed by his need to use Attract against all female opponents. Lately they haven’t been getting immobilized the turn he uses it have been statusing him instead... very annoying. But other than that, he’s still a beast. Even against the many Water types in this chapter he did well... although out-leveling them by 10 or more levels might have had something to do with that.

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 44
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Light Screen
Quick Attack
Return
Electric Solo tally: 25 (Half way there!)

Replacing Slam with Return has been a huge boon to Shenron. Return is like Slam, only 100 billionty times better. It hits harder and is 100% accurate. It’s exactly what he needed. I’m not regretting leaving his “endurance” restriction on at all, since anything Shenron can handle, something else on my team can also handle. Light Screen hasn’t gotten used much, but I bet it’ll come in handy in some tougher battles yet to come. I may yet replace Quick Attack with a different move since it’s only really useful when Shenron get’s Paralysed, since he already outspeeds everything anyway.

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 44
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig


Ball is just as good as he ever was. He’s my go-to Pokemon for anything with strong physical attacks, since he can usually shrug it off with ease. I have to be careful with special attacks though, as his weakness on that side of the spectrum is becoming more pronounced as his opponents get stronger.

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 44
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Bulbus continues to show his spectacular ability to wipe out Pokemon he shouldn’t be able to wipe out using Sleep Powder and Growth. The only real issue is Sleep Powder’s shaky accuracy. It tends to miss at critical moments, forcing Bulbus to get statused or take a big hit. However Bulbus actually has enough bulk to be able to handle one or two misses against most foes, so it isn’t usually a problem. Unless the opponent starts using Double Team or Minimize. Then shit gets annoying.

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 44
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Rest
Surf

Bob has started to level out with the rest of my team. He no longer deals as ridiculous damage as he did before, missing out on KOs with Body Slam fairly frequently. He’s also not taking physical hits as well as he used to with the power of opponents increasing. Finally, his low speed is starting to actually be a factor, since now he can’t take as many hits. This isn’t to say he’s become weak though; far from it. He’s just not the equivalent of an Arceus in RU anymore :P. Surf has proven more useful than I expected, not only giving him a huge edge against the types weak to it, but also against opponents with high physical defence but low special defence, like Weezing.

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 44
Item: Mystic Water
Psychic
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Evolving has helped Wuzzle out greatly. The most noticeable change is that now Brick Break gets STAB, transforming it from a coverage move into his most powerful attack. All her other stats except Speed (which actually decreases after evolution) increased significantly too. In particular she’s gained very appreciable bulk, being able to take pretty much any attack thrown at her should she fail to OHKO or be outsped. She’s still weaker than most of my team in the power department, but she makes up for it with her great mixed coverage. Overall she’s become a hell of a useful Pokemon, and was well worth the hell I had to go through to evolve her.

Chapter 11: Island Hopping

---

Island hopping! Honestly, I was dreading this part because of the lack of PC access for a while, but now I know that you can get the PC active first, then explore later. That’s a huge relief to me, since it means none of my Pokemon are going to end up under-leveled because I have to haul a HM slave with me in its place for dozens of battles.

After talking to the people here, all they can seem to do is tell me “Mt. Ember hasn’t erupted... recently. Why don’t you go there :D”. It’s... suspicious.

So without further ado, let’s head straight for Two Island to deliver this stupid meteorite. Why do I always have to act the errand boy?

Hmmm Two Island is all town, so I might as well explore the whole place.
All anyone can talk about here is the Game Corner (link one for silly minigames). I get that it’s the only thing for miles that can be called anything close to entertainment, but could you talk about it a little bit less?

Ah, here’s the Move Relearner. I’ve decided to keep Giga Drain instead of getting Razor Leaf, so no need for me to stick around here.

And at Cape Brink there’s this old Crone who will teach Blast Burn to Charming, but I don’t see the point in it. Sure it’s super powerful, but I need the coverage of my other moves and the reliability of Flamethrower.

Enough stalling, lets deliver this stupid Meteorite at the Game Corner.
Hang on, the guys gone and lost his kid... Lostelle. Seriously, what a stupid pun of a name. She’s lost! Lostelle? Hahahahaha oh wait that’s not funny.

Anyway, apparently there’s a dumb biker gang on Three Island as well so I’ll probably have to kick their butts. I guess I’ll head on down.

Sure enough, they’re crawling all over town in their bikes. The good news is that the PC system is up and I didn’t even have to actually do anything! I’ll take out Kabutops now since I’ll be needing Cut and Rock Smash soon.

Alright, time to kick some dumbass Bikers off the island. This shouldn’t take long.
*couple battles later*
ARRG all their Koffing do is spam Smokescreen! It’s so goddamn annoying! It’s not helping you win it’s just delaying the inevitable. STOP IT!

Alright, beat them up and the locals they were terrorizing told me that Lostelle headed towards Bond Bridge, whatever that is. Doesn’t really matter since I’m exploring this whole place anyway so I’m going to find her sooner or later. Before we head out, let’s see if this town has anything to offer besides Smokescreen spam.

Aaaaand no, they have nothing. All they talk about is Berry Forrest. I guess I’ll be going there next.

Hmmm a few trainers on the way to beat, but otherwise not much of interest here. I wonder why they call it Bond Bridge? Maybe because it bonds two Islands together or something? Bah, honestly, I just don’t care. I hate these stupid Islands and I just want to get through them.

Female Swimmer: “A Pokemon bit through my swimsuit. I can’t get out of the water!”
O.O Suddenly this area got a whole lot more interesting

:O I have encountered another harbringer of doom! A lv 37 Bellsprout, giving 666 devilish exp! I bet that if I encounter one more THE WORLD WILL END >:O. And aliens. There’s always aliens.

Alright, time to enter this Berry Forest place and find Lostelle. Can’t you tell I’m just quivering with excitement?

And it’s a boring grass filled maze full of useless Pokemon! Woohoo!
Ah there’s Lostelle, being terrorized by a lv 30 Hypno. This should take all of 20 seconds to deal with. And Lostelle is weird. She always talks about herself in the third person for some reason. Is she supposed to be foreign, or did they just throw that in for the heck of it? Actually, I bet it was to pound the ridiculously stupid pun that her name is into our head.

Anyway, this transports me back to Two Island, where I return the terrible pun that is Lostelle. Now I can go to One Island and fight the trainers there, as well as collect all the items on the way up Mt. Ember. Again, I won’t be catching Moltress just yet. I’m just going to clear the way and turn the Pokemon of the trainers along the way into mush.

So they call this area Kindle Road. Thing is, it’s not so much a roar as random patch of land accessible only by water. Last time I checked, roads usually did not require to swim at some point when attempting to traverse them.

Hey hey, the Battle Girls along here are just as fine as the Swimmers. You know maybe these islands aren’t such a bad spot after all!

Black Belt: “Every morning before breakfast, I swim around this island!”
... you do that crazy dude. Just please, I don’t want to see your weapon collection. And I also don’t want you within 200m of me. Court order.

Sign: “Light a Fire in Your Heart! Ember Spa.”
Oh, so it’s THAT kind of Spa is it? Alright, count me in, I can’t wait see the “masseuse”
*walks in*
AHK ITS FULL OF OLD PEOPLE!

Ahem, anyway... Picked up Rock smash for Kabutops. Now I can get a couple items back on Kindle roar that were off limits before. Other than that though, it’s not really useful for much...

From the guy that made the Spa: “I hewed the pool right out of a gigantic boulder by hand.”
Holy shit, this old guy suddenly gained about 200 levels of badassery if that statement is true.

Battle Girl: “It’s clear that you’re skilled. I like you!”
Oh, so you uh, wanna meet up for coffee or something...? Oh no, not like that? If I try to make a move on you you’ll punch my teeth out? Oh well um... I’ll just be... way over there... away from you... yeah.

Alright, made it to Mt. Ember now. I’m just going to collect the items here; Moltress will wait for later.

*in a battle against a female camper, she pulls out a goddamn Full Restore*
Wait really? Even random trainers are packing them now? Not just that, but freaking kids? Goddamnit Gamefreak, you just had to up the annoyance level a little bit higher didn’t you?

Pokemon Ranger: “They say there’re over 1,500 active volcanoes in the world. Just thinking about them makes me feel all hot and gooey inside!”
... ick, I could’ve done without hearing about your freaky volcano fetish, thank you very much.

*little bit later*
Alright got everything there was to get here... time to head back to the mainland I think, and take on the final Gym leader... my old nemesis and apparent ninja, Giovanni!

Alright, first to take out his lackeys, as always. This shouldn’t take too long.

Ahaha, of course the gym is full of arrow tiles, just like the Rocket bases. I shoulda known it would be, but I had completely forgotten.
Cooltrainer: “Heh, you must be running out of steam by now”
Errr no, I just entered the gym and you’re the first person I ran into.

Hmmm so that Shenron isn’t totally useless in this gym, I think I’m going to teach him Iron Tail in place of Quick Attack now. Quick attack has been pretty damn useless recently anyway.

*A little bit later, against a black belt*
Oops, Bob is at the front of my party. Well he should be able to handle one Machoke.
*Machoke gets a crit, Bob Faints*
... Really? Man am I glad this is not a Nuzlocke...

*little while later*
Alright, cleaned up the lackeys. Now it’s time to face off against Giovanni, once and for all! This time you are going downtown bub, for REALZ!

Alright, strategy here is fairly simple. I got Bulbus, Bob and Wuzzle all with advantages against his team. However, I’m going to be stuck using Bob, because it’s part of his requirements. Why does he Solo him? I don’t know, Giovanni just rubs him the wrong way or something. Come up with your own damn backstory. Anyway, I’ll just be spamming Surf and Hyper Beam for the most part, healing when necessary. Shouldn’t be much of a challenge.

Yes Giovanni, I have found you again! You will finally be brought to justice, for I AM THE LAW! Oh no wait, that’s Judge Dredd. Whatever.
*Rhyhorn comes out first*
Easy Surf KO here!
*Rhyhorn is OHKO’d*
Nidoqueen is up next, Surf s’more Bob! Ride that wave to victory!
*2HKO’s Nidoqueen, but gets hit by a critical Earthquake*
Phaw, annoying crit. Now I’ll have to heal Bob. Hoperfully that crit doesn’t mess me up too bad.
*Nidoking comes out*
Another 2HKO with Surf, easy.
*Does so, but gets put in the red by Earthquake*
*Sigh* so annoying. Another Hyper Potion for Bob!
*Dugtrio comes out, spams another Earthquake*
Jeeze, is that the only move you guys know? This is just getting silly.
*Surf OHKO’s, out comes Rhy...horn? Seriously, he STILL doesn’t have a Rhydon?*
Well another Rhyhorn. That’s rather anticlimactic, even if it is lv 50 it’s still weaker than his Nidoking and Nidoqueen. A NFE GLMP... so sad Giovanni. You are a sad, sad little man.
*OHKO’s with Surf*
Wow, not only does he give me the Earthbadge, but TM26 Earthquake as well. Whatever else you can say about him, he isn’t a sore loser. You still got to pay for your crimes though bud, so come wi-
GODDAMIT HE VANISHED AGAIN!
.
.
.
Anyway, before I head to Victory Road I have to be ready to Solo my Rival with Bob, and he’s going to be a lot harder than Giovanni was. I had better do some training. I also have to replace Rest with Earthquake on Bob. I guess I’ll do that right now.

But in any case, now is as good a time as any to end the Chapter, so I’ll see you all next time!

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 8 (That’s it for Gyms!)
Pokemon: 6
Location: Viridian City
Blackouts: 1 (but no more!)

No comments this week, as quite frankly nothing worth mentioning has changed and I’m just wasting space with them.

Charming the Charizard:

Level 46
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 46
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Light Screen
Iron Tail
Return

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 46
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig


Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 46
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 47
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Earthquake
Surf

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 46
Item: Mystic Water
Psychic
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Chapter 12: The Final Stretch

---

Well, I need to solo my Rival with Bob next... and right now, Bob would be quite severely outleveled. Since I’d rather not black out again, this means it’s grindin’ time! Back to Three Island we go! Start up the tunes!

*Favorite training montage music goes here*

I think I’ll just get everyone to level 50. Then Bob should be able to handle Derp and I’ll be completely ready for Victory Road. After this then there’s grinding for the Elite Four as well... I think the next couple chapters are going to be 10% of me actually exploring and doing real battles, and 90% of me grinding without saying a word.

*A couple hours of VS Seeker grinding later*

Alright, everyone is at lv 50 now. Thank lord for the VS Seeker, or this would’ve taken a lot longer. Now it’s time to solo one Derp with another. Bob, let’s go say hello to our rival eh?

So you’re going whup me as a warm up for the League eh? I’m afraid that your plan might backfire a bit... though it is quite warm under Bob’s rolls of fat, or so I hear.

First up is his Pidgeot. A Body Slam should deal with this easily.
*gets hit by Featherdance, does barely any damage*
.... ok I’ll have to swap out and then back in it would seem... But this Pidgeot is going down first.
*a few turns later Pidgeot goes down*
Well I took more damage than I would have liked, but at least it’s down. Now to switch out and back in... or not, since Rhyhorn is up next and Surf will deal with that.
*Surf OHKO’s, Growlithe is next*
Alright, looks like my switch out is delayed again. SURF’S UP!
*Surf OHKO’s, Exeggcute is next*
Alright, NOW I’ll switch then switch back. Shenron, you get to get some extra EXP.
*Swap is successful, Exeggcute misses with Stun Spore*
Time to make some scrambled eggs! Body Slam!
*Body Slam is a 2HKO, this time Stun Spore hits*
Phaw, a minor annoyance for Bob. I’ll still heal it though just to be safe.
*Exeggcute takes in sunlight as I heal Bob*
Shame you’ll never get that attack off
*Body Slam KOs before Solarbeam can be used.
Alakazam eh? One Body Slam will defeat it; the only question is how much damage it’ll do to me first. Thankfully, Bob’s habit of eating all the time has kept him in very good shape despite absorbing a fair number of hits.
*Alakazam uses Calm Mind (fail), OHKO’d by Body Slam*
Derp, you are such a failure your denial of it is hilarious. Alright, just Blastoise left. I’ll Body Slam it once, then Hyper Beam, to ensure I don’t end up wasting a turn recharging.
*Blastoise uses Water Gun (really? No Surf at this point?) and Body Slam does around 30%*
Alright that should be enough. HYPER BEAM TIME!
*Blastoise survives with a sliver of health, Blastoise uses Rain dance*
.... Really? Well now that Water Gun is a little more threatening... still, a Body Slam will finish it.
*Water gun does significant damage now, but Body Slam finishes it*
Derp, you just got wasted by just one of my Pokemon. The only healing item I used was a Paralyze Heal. You were not just “Careless”. You. Suck. BALLS.

I need more practice? Wait, What? You... you really are mentally challenged, aren’t you.

Well, Derp’s unbelievable delusions aside, it’s time to travel up to Victory Road. I’m not going to be fighting anything along the way and there are not many jokes to be made here so you’ll have to be satisfied with this stupid paragraph. Lucky you!

Alright, here we are... Victory Road. Since there is no Pokemon Center or other method of healing on the entrance side of Victory Road, I’m going to limit myself to fighting the trainers and not fight any wild Pokemon along the way. I’d rather not have to backtrack all the way back here if I don’t have to.

Aha, the classic Strength bolder puzzles. I do love these... honestly. I actually like these little puzzles. Adds some variety to the game you know?

Wow all the wild Pokemon here have levels in the mid 40s. This is a huge jump up from the next highest area I’ve been to. A jump of 10 levels is pretty much the biggest I’ve seen.

The trainers here have similarly levelled Pokemon... this is going to be interesting. Still, I do out-level them, but usually it’s a lot easier to backtrack to a Pokemon Center than this. Looks like for once I’m not going to be able to get away with using whatever Pokemon I feel like against any Pokemon I fight, just so I can keep my levels even. I’ll *gasp* actually have to pay attention to type match ups!

Oh right, there’s the damn section here where you need to decide whether or not you want to take one item or another, and if you want both you have to backtrack all the way out of the damn cave. Thankfully it’s on the first floor so backtracking wasn’t that frustrating. Got TM02 Dragon Claw out of it... I might just use that.

Heh a Cooltrainer with the second evolutionary stage of all the staters. Why he didn’t evolve any of them to the third stage, I don’t know. What I do know is that he did have a Charizard as well, so it’s not like he’s unaware that they could’ve evolved 6 levels ago...

Oho, TM37 Sandstorm, a move I NEED for the Elite 4, whether I want it or not thanks to Ball’s requirements. I’m going to wait to teach it to him though... It’ll be easier to grind him when he has his current move set.

Holy crap, this Juggler referred to Derp by name! “Derp also came through here.” Not his real name mind you, MY name for him. Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks he’s rock stupid!

Juggler: “Is Victory Road too tough?”
Actually, no. It’s been pretty damn easy so far actually.

TM07 Hail found. Not going to be using that, since I don’t have a single Ice Type!

TM50 Overheat found as well. Flamethrower will serve me better on Charming I think, and I don’t see any reason to teach it to anyone else.

Pokemaniac: “I can beat you when it comes to knowledge about Pokemon!”
No you freak, you can’t. I’ve been playing these damn games for 14 years. I know this shit better than you ever will.

Well almost through now. The boulder puzzles weren’t actually as fun as I remembered... instead of being difficult they just require you to push boulders from one damn end of the cave to another, running from a half dozen random encounters along the way. So much fun! Not.

Finally, I’m all the way through! Now it’s time for some EPIC GRINDING >:O. Well not too bad though :P I only plan on getting to level 57 on all my Pokemon. It’s still going to take a while though and is going to be very very boring!

But this does mean one thing... next time, I take on the Pokemon League! Be ready everyone, because next update is going to be a big one! It’s also going to be little a while before I put it up. Because I have to grind. For hours. But you lot don’t have to suffer through that. (Lucky bastards).

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: 8
Pokemon: 6
Location: Indigo Plateau (!!!!)
Blackouts: 1 (One last major obstacle where it could actually happen again, though I quite doubt that it will)

Charming the Charizard:

Level 51
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract


Charming is a force to be reckoned with, with well balanced stats and two powerful Stab attacks. Female Pokemon can be annoying it they manage to status him through the Attract, but otherwise nothing can really stand in his way. Bruno will face his wrath next chapter, as I strongly suspect none of his fighting types will be able to take a Fly from him. A few other random Pokemon will fall to him, but overall he won’t see as much use as you might expect at the Elite 4.

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 51
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Light Screen
Iron Tail
Return

Fast, frail and deadly, Shenron is a bit of risky option. Shenron out-speeds pretty much anything at this point, but often doesn’t do enough damage to guarantee an OHKO. Despite this a strong Electric type will be extremely useful against the Elite Four, and I expect he’ll prove his value in the next chapter.

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 51
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig


Ball is starting to fall a little behind, not because he isn’t a good Pokemon but because Dig is a pretty weak STAB and is beginning to let him down. He just doesn’t have the raw power to OHKO his opponents anymore. Thankfully his great Defense means that usually this doesn’t matter so much. He’ll be of great use against Agatha if I don’t solo her with Bob and might see use against Lance, but any special attacker is likely to force him out. Having him set up Sandstorm in every battle is going to be a pain though. At least it only says I have to set it up in each battle instead of at the start of each one, because then I can wait until a Pokemon that won’t KO him comes in before setting it up. Lorelei is going to be a pain though.

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 51
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

After a few turns of set up Bulbus is a force to behold. He’s likely to be my selection for fighting Derp’s Blastoise in the final match, but other than that he’ll be seeing limited use in the fight to come, as being weak to Ice means Lorelei is off limits. Still there are a few opponents he’ll be useful against, so expect to see him at least a little bit.

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 51
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Earthquake
Surf

Bob has to solo one of the Elite 4. This is not going to be fun, since he really doesn’t have a great advantage against any of them and is no longer a beast by virtue of his stats alone. Bruno is out of the question with his powerful Fighting types. Lance is a possibility, as is Agatha and Lorelei. At the moment I think I’ll probably go with Agatha. Though I can only hit her Ghosts with Surf, it’s not like they can hit me back very hard either, and her Poison types can’t poison him thanks to Immunity. I haven’t decided yet though... we’ll have to see.

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 51
Item: Mystic Water
Psychic
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Wuzzle is going to be a force in the battles to come. While I might not lead with her, she’ll be a great second option for pretty much any opponent I’ll face thanks to her great coverage. I might yet get Ice Beam and teach it to her over Psychic just before battling Lance, to get me that extra edge. Before Lance though, Psychic will be the way to go. If that’s the case though, I’ll have to do more than just grind... I’ll have to play the slots for a while as well!

Chapter 13: The Five Shall Fall

---

*After several hours of grinding on Victory Road and playing the slot machines in Celadon for TM 13 Ice Beam*

Alright, I finally got everyone up to level 57, which I think should be more than enough for the Pokemon League. First things first though; I got to replace Brick Break on Ball with Sandstorm.

Alright, now that that’s done it’s time to start my Pokemon League challenge. Lorelei is up first!

Alright, I’m going to lead with Ball and just get my Sandstorm set up over with. I should outspeed her Dewgong so I don’t give a damn if Ball gets OHKO’d. That’s what revives are for! The rest of the battle, I’ll just wing it. I outlevel her and have loads of type advantages, so it shouldn’t be too hard.

*Sandstorm is set up, immediately cancelled out by Dewgong’s Hail*
And I couldn’t give less of a fuck. Alright, time to switch to Shenron. Hopefully he can take whatever move Dewgong decides to throw at him.
*Shenron takes about 30% from Surf*
Alright that wasn’t bad. Going to throw up a Light Screen now.
*Shenron is down to 2/3 health after getting up Light Screen*
Alright going to heal him up now, then it’ll be sweeping time!
*As I heal Dewgong puts up Safeguard*
And that works out fine for me! Thunderbolt spamming time!
*Thunderboly does only 75%*
Greeeat now it’s going to get healed. The Hail stopped though so no big deal. Gotta set up Light Screen again soon though.
*Dewgong goes down, Cloyster comes out*
Ah a great opportunity to put Light Screen back up.
*Cloyster uses Spikes while I use Light Screen*
Bahahaha yeah, that isn’t going to help you much since I plan on switching exactly 0 times.
*Protects my Thunderbolt*
Annoying, but pointless.
*Thunderbolt OHKOs, out comes Slowbro*
FRY IT FRY IT!
*Brings it to into the red, but then it uses Amnesia*
God I hope Lorelei doesn’t use another Full Restore...
*She doesn’t, so Slowbro gets fried*
Alright, now for Lapras to fall! But first, I got to put up Light Screen again!
*Lapras confuses Shenron with Confuse Ray*
Annoying but I have a Yellow Flute wahaha!
*Lapras uses Body Slam for some damage*
Oh, so you’re not pure Special? Thankfully, I’ll still kill you before you can kill me.
*Thunderbolt does approximately 50%, Body Slam puts Shenron in the red and Paralyzes*
Well looks like I have to use a Full Restore of my own...
*Exchanging attacks and another Lorelei Full Restore later, Lapras finally faints*
About time! Just Jynx left, and Shrenron is in no shape to take it on. Go Charming!
*Attract fails because it has Oblivious, and then it sleeps Charming with Lovely Kiss*
..... fuck you Jynx. Just fuck you. Screw this, I’m using a Full Restore on Shenron then he’s coming back in and using Iron Tail. That’s sure to OHKO this annoying bitch.
*Does the heal and switch, Ice punch causes Jynx to get paralyzed by Static*
Wahaha! Time to die! Iron Tail!
*Iron Tail cleanly OHKOs*
VICTORY! Nice work Shenron, you pretty much took her on all by yourself! You are a beast!

Alright, Bruno is up next. I don’t want to use Sandstorm until his Onix are down, so I’ll lead with Wuzzle. Wuzzle can probably handle his fighting types too, but Charming is probably the better choice. Rock Tomb will hurt him if he gets hit by it though...

*Onix Vs. Wuzzle!*
Yeah, you all know how this goes.
*Surf OHKOs, his other Onix comes out*
Wait, do you really want to get these things killed or something? Because yah know, switching in pretty much any of your other Pokemon would’ve made more sense. Ah, Whatever.
*Second goes down same as the first*
Hitmonchan is up next... Good time to set up Sandstorm!
*Hitmochan misses, Sandstorm gets up*
Alright, let’s Dig this thing to death!
*Hitmonchan uses goddamn Counter, brining Ball into the red*
... Well it can’t take another Dig. Again!
*Hitmonchan faints, out comes Hitmonlee*
Alright, Charming, it’s your turn! Use Fly! And the Sandstorm died down just in time for you to come out. Now that was conveniently timed.
*Hitmonlee is OHKO’d, Machamp is next*
Just once more. Fly again!
*Machamp takes 2/3 health, Sitrus Berry brings him up to around half. Thankfully, his Scary Face misses*
Alright, guess I’ll have to use it again. One more time Charming!
*Machamp hits the deck*
Bruno: “Huh!? How could I lose?”
Well, using two Onix didn’t help.

Anyway, next up is Agatha who I’ve decided to solo with Bob. This is going to be interesting.

Apparently she has something against Oak. I think I like this old hag now.


*Gengar comes out first*
Alright, I just have to use Surf until this thing goes down. It can’t actually hurt Bob except through confusion, but it has Double Team so this might take a while.
*long story short, this takes a long time thanks to stupid hax but Bob eventually KOs it*
Good god that was annoying! After I stalled out Confuse Ray with my Yellow Flute it was only a matter of time, but because it easily got to +6 Evasion it took forever to bring it down with Surf, especially since she used a Full Restore. Thankfully I was well stocked in PP restoring items...
*Golbat comes out*
Well this one can actually hit me, if not very well. Body Slam should KO it eventually, but first I need to get Surf’s PP up.
*As I use an Ether, Air Slash does pitiful damage*
Well that’s the most powerful attack it has so I think I’m ok here.
*Body Slam 2HKOs, Arbok comes out*
Earthquaking time!
*Intimidate lowers Bob’s attack*
... Annoying. At least this is the only member of her team left I actually have to use Physical attacks on.
*Earthquake 2HKOs, but Screech + Sludge Bomb combo does significant damage. Gengar comes out*
Darn, looks like I had better heal him up. I know this Gengar has Sludge Bomb too, and while it’s coming off a lower Attack stat than Arbok’s, that Screech means it’ll still hurt. Man I’m wishing I had used Guard Spec. on Bob.
*Gengar gets a crit with Sludge Bomb after I heal Bob, bringing him all the way down to around 10% of his HP*
Ok screw this, I’m swap healing to restore his damn stats. Take the hit for Bob, Bulbus!
*I heal Bob back up, send him back in*
Alright, surfing time!
*Surf does only around 25%, Sludge Bomb around 20%*
Uhhhg how annoying. Thankfully my Leftovers give me the ed-
*Hypnosis puts Bob to Sleep*
Fuuuuuuu-
Pokeflute time...
*Many turns of Pokeflute playing, Surfing and taking Sludge Bombs later*
God it seems like with her Hypnosis has 95% accuracy instead of 60%. I mean really, what are the chances of Hypnosis hitting 6 times in a row? I’m not even exaggerating – THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Thankfully her occasional attempt at using Nightmare on me meant Leftovers kept Bob nice and healthy. It would’ve gone faster if she hadn’t used another goddamn Full Restore, but another Ether later and that didn’t matter.
*Haunter comes out*
You’d think this would be easy but it actually scares me the most. Curse + Mean Look + Hypnosis means a good chance of Bob getting out-stalled. Thankfully, I have healing items, so I should be able to survive.
*Curse + Surf puts it in the red*
Ok, now I just need Hypnosis not to hit Bob... *crosses fingers*
*Haunter uses Mean Look, securing its demise.*
YES! Victory! I did it Agatha! I solo’d you with a freaking Normal type (And one without Dark type attacks at that)! Chew on that for a while.

Alright, Lance is up next. But first, I have to teach Wuzzle how to make his Pokemon... Chill out. WAHAHAHAHAhahahaha... (oh god that was terrible).

Alright, first he uses Gyarados, so Shenron takes the lead. Wuzzle should be able to handle the rest of his team, but if he encounters difficulty the rest of my team should be able to back him up.

*Gyarados comes out*
Oh cmon, you know how this is going to go
*Gyarados gets fried to a crisp, Dragonair comes out*
Wuzzle’s turn! Ice Beam!
*Ice Beam does 2/3, Outrage does less than 1/3 to Wuzzle*
Oh yeah, Wuzzle is a defensive BEAST!
*Dragonair faints, Aerodactyl comes out*
Surfs up duuuuuude!
*Wing Attack does around 1/3, Surf surprisingly only does around 75%*
Gah, one more try. I suspect a Full Restore next...
*Sure enough, Full Restore comes out. Surf puts it back where it was before*
Alright, another Wing Attack would probably KO Wuzzle so I’m switching her out. Shenron, your turn again!
*Aerodactly misses with Hyper Beam*
Lolololol
*Thunderbolt Finishes off Aerodactyl, Dragonair no. 2 comes out*
Ok, first I got to Heal Wuzzle again...
*Wuzzle gets Thunder Waved after I heal her*
.... annoying.
*Wuzzle absorbs the outrage easily but is FP’d*
Alright, try that again.
*Ice beam takes it down to 1/3, it becomes confused*
Full restore now, to be ready for Dragonite!
*Dragonair hurts itself in confusion as I heal*
Time to finish it wahaha!
*Lance uses full restore*
.... screw you. Now I have to Ice Beam it again.
*Ice beam finally KOs it, out comes Dragonite!*
4x Super Effective attack GOGOGOGOGO!
*Wuzzle outspeeds, but only does 2/3 with Ice Beam. Wing attack does over 2/3 and Sitrus Berry brings Dragonite back up to green*
It looks all bad if you missed reading just one little thing there... I OUTSPED WAHAHAHAHA!
*Dragonite is KO’d!*
VICTORY DANCE TIME! *Wuzzle and me do a jig*

Ahem, anyway. I got to make sure all my Pokemon have decent PP remaining for the Champion... DERP! (I’m thinking the Elite Four took pity on his stupidity and gave him the title as a pittance)

Alright, since he leads with Pidgeot, I’ll send out Shenron first. This is going to be a big ass battle!

*After listening to Derp boast for a bit, the epic final battle music starts and Shenron and Pidgeot face off!*
Thu-thu-thu-THUNDERBOLT!
*leaves it with a tiny chunk of HP remaining, but his Ariel Ace does next to nothing*
Really? It survived? Well at least I’ll waste one of his Full Restores...
*KOs Pidgeot after a wasted Full Restore, Rhydon comes out next*
Alright Bulbus, it’s time you saw some action! Go! SUCK IT DRY!
*Giga Drain OHKOs, out comes Alakazam*
Shenron can probably outspeed and can KO with Return so GO SHENRON! Use Return!
*Return only does 2/3, Shenron is taken down to 26 HP*
Well we still outspeed it... AGAIN SHENRON!
*Alakazam is finished off by the power of love, Exeggutor comes out next*
Charming it’s your turn! Use Flamethrower!
*Exeggutor dances around uselessly as it is reduced to a pile of ash. Blastoise comes out next*
Bulbus it’s your turn again! Sleep Powder it first!
*Bulbus puts it to sleep, Blastoise uses Rain Dance before it can hit though*
Uh oh... well all we can do is boost up a bit and hope like hell it doesn’t wake up!
*2 growths later*
That should be enough. GIGA DRAIN!
*Giga Drain brings it to the red, Siturs Berry activates and brings it back to low yellow*
.... really???? Goddamnit. He’s going to heal it now... Growth, one more time!
*He doesn’t heal it, instead Bulbus gets nailed by a rain boosted Hydro Pump as it wakes up*
OW! That took out ¾ of Bulbus’ health! Grrrrr.... Try another Giga Drain!
*Blastoise misses with Hydro Pump, Giga Drain finishes it*
Whew, that was close. Just Arcanine left! Go Wuzzle, finish this! Use Surf!
*Flamethrower does pitiful damage, Surf brings him down to 2/3*
Once more, for the win Wuzzle!
*Arcanine is KO’d!*
YESSSS WE WIN! WE FINALLY DID IT!
Without a single faint too! This hardly could have gone any better!

And stop bitching Derp, it’s embarrassing.

*Oak walks in*
.
.
.
YOU! I TOLD YOU I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN! Ahhhh.... you senile old man... go away...

Well anyway, that’s the end!
.
.
.
Actually, no it’s not. I still got 4 more Islands to explore and 4 Legendary Pokemon to capture! What, you guys didn’t think I’d tempt fate by ending it on the 13th chapter now did you?

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: Who cares, I’M THE CHAMPION BITCH!
Pokemon: 6
Location: Pallet Town
Blackouts: 1 (and it is extremely unlikely now that that number is ever going to go up!)

Charming the Charizard:

Level 57
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract


Charming did well for me, easily defeating all the Pokemon in the Pokemon league I needed him to beat. Of course, that didn’t end up being very many simply because his typing didn’t match up very well with many Pokemon. Still, it was more than some members of my team did, and no one else on the team filled their roles quite as easily as he did.

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 58
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Light Screen
Iron Tail
Return

Light Screen finally showed its worth against Lorelei, and Shenron overall showed what an absolute BEAST he could be. He defeated the most Pokemon in the Pokemon League of any of my team, even pretty much soloing Lorelei, making him my undisputed MVP for this chapter. That doesn’t mean he’s MVP overall though... you’ll have to wait a couple chapters before you find out who gets that honor!

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 57
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Sandstorm
Dig


Ball did very little in the League, simply because there wasn’t really any need for his typing. That being said he managed to set up Sandstorm without getting his ass handed to him (oh shit I forgot Lance. Oh well... would not have made much of a difference, I would’ve just used him against one of the Dragoniar), and he did defeat Bruno’s Hitmonchan. It’s not his fault really, there just wasn’t anything for him to fight except Agatha, and Bob had to Solo her!

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 57
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Bulbus didn’t do anything in the Pokemon League until the championship battle, but he did his job when he was called upon (though his Blastoise ended up being a close call). There’s not much else left to say, except that maybe I could have made more extensive use of his Sleep Powder...

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 57
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Earthquake
Surf

Bob did one thing this chapter, and that was fighting Agatha. And good god was that an annoying fight. Surf wasn’t ideal for taking out her Ghost types so the battles against her Gengar ended up turning into stall wars. The good news is that despite that he managed to come out on top. I could have used him at other points during the Elite Four, but there was usually someone better available. Still he did his job and I have nothing to complain about.

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 58
Item: Mystic Water
Ice Beam
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Wuzzle did amazing this chapter, with her bulk proving to be very substantial, taking several super effective Flying type attacks without flinching. While I do wish she had more Special Attack for her Surfs and Ice Beams, it was all made up by the fact she never went down. She has a kill count this chapter second only to Shenron, and it could have been higher had I chose to use her against some of the other many Pokemon she could have beaten. I never much cared for Poliwrath before this Challange, but now that’s all changed!

Chapter 14: The Full Tour

---

Damn, that ending was boring. Oh yeah, let’s look at all the places you’ve traveled, exactly as the appeared in the game, so you’re basically seeing exactly what you’ve already seen, only this time with credits superimposed on top of it. At least the credits for the other games had something interesting going on, like HG/SS had the characters chasing each other around and shit.

Well all grumbling aside, I’m back in Pallet town! I guess the first thing I need to do is go talk to the fading genius that is Professor Oak and see if I can’t get the National Pokedex...

Huh? He won’t give it... *checks guide book*

FOR CRIPES SAKES I NEED 60 POKEMON IN MY DEX TO GET IT?!??!?
.
.
.
I thought I was done with Pokemon catching T.T

Hang on, looks like I actually only need 1 more entry to get to 60. I’ll just evolve something in my PC using an evolutionary stone then. So, that means I don’t need to catch more damn shit after all! Woooooo!

*Evolves Clefairy to Clefable, heads back to Oak*

Alright you senile old fart, what have you got to say now? Recently there’s been sightings of many rare Pokemon species you say? Ones not seen in Kanto? And they’re NOT IN KANTO? What a damn surprise. Yes you are too old, and yes I’ll go see them in your place just give me the damn upgraded dex you dumbass geezer.

Aaaaand Derp pops in out of nowhere (seriously, when did he get here?) and makes sure he gets his too. I swear, he was up on Indigo Plateau, and he heard the words “I need your help Jimera” on the wind and instantly set out here just so he could steal the spotlight.

Alright, off to the Sevii Islands now! I’ll head to One Island first, since I don’t have the Rainbow Pass yet and I’m pretty sure that I’ll need whats-his-face-Bill’s-friend/gay-lover to give it to me.

Before I go see that guy though, I want to check out a place I forgot to look at my first time around; Treasure Beach! Which probably won’t actually have much in the way of treasure because that’s the way shit is in this game.

*2 fairly useless items later*

Yup, that was a waste of time. Onto the Pokemon Center!

That’s right, his name is Celio. God that is a stupid name. Anyway, So you need me to find a gemstone on One Island for you so I can trade with “faraway lands” (read: Hoenn). Well since I suspect I need to get it to travel to the rest of the Sevii Islands too, I’ll go get it for you. I just need to pull Kabutops out of the PC again and I’ll be on my way to Mt. Ember. Here’s hoping it doesn’t erupt on me.

*on Mt. Ember*

Oh why hello there Team rocket. Treasure hunting you say? That sounds promising, count me in! Oh and one of the passwords to your warehouse is Goldeen? How kind of you! Now if you’ll just excuse me, I’m going to be pummelling you with my Pokemon so I can go take that treasure for myself. I’ll be swinging by your warehouse later to pick it clean too. Thanks for all your help!

... Crap I totally forgot to replace Sandstorm with Brick Break again on Ball. Oh well, I’m going to finish up here first then I’ll go get it afterwards. I’m pretty sure there are no further trainers around here so it shouldn’t be a big deal.

*A few strength boulder puzzles later*

Oh a bunch of shiny (why are they shiny) walls covered with v
Visual Braille. I couldn’t care less, since what I came for is just beyond! The one, the only, RUBY! Now I can get out of here and continue on my trek through the Sevii Islands.

*one Dig and one Fly later*
Here Celio! Yeah I’ll go get your Sapphire just GIMME PASS!
*Rainbow Pass get!*

Wooooo! First I’m just going to quickly get Sandslash Brick Break again, then it’s off to Four Island!

*a few minutes later, stepping off the dock and onto 4 Island*

AHHHh ambushed by creepy-stalker-Derp! What you say I’m following you??? You’re the one who freaking waits to ambush me all the time! Well all he had was some condescending advice about Pokemon eggs so I’ll just move on.

Talking to the residents has revealed that Lorelei lives here. What’s betting we “unexpectedly” encounter her around here somewhere?

... Wow Lorelei sure has a lot of stuffed animals in her house... It’s... actually kind of creepy...

Anyway, time to explore Icefall Cave! I’ll collect the goodies here and then be on my way. But first I have to solve the two classic ice puzzles... the breaking floor and the slippery floor. Oh joy...

*A few (thankfully) fairly simple puzzles later*

Aha! I’ve found HM 07 Waterfall! I’ll just be teaching this to Kabutops, and then be riding up that waterfall I saw at the start of the cave now! Not much left to do here now I’m thinking.

*one gravity defying ride later*

Oh-ho, it’s Lorelei, and a bunch of Rocket grunts! I smell an ass kicking coming up!

Huh... these grunts have a point. All they’re doing is catching Pokemon in the cave and selling them. I... honestly don’t see what’s wrong with that. Ah well, they’re from team Rocket so I’m just going to kick their asses because I’m assuming that all Team Rocket members are douchebags.

Holy shit, Lorelei is fucking hardcore. She just threatened to flat out kill their asses with Lapras’ Ice Beam if they didn’t get the hell out O.O

Well anyway, time to head off to 5 Island. Here I got two directions to go, North and South. I think I’ll head south first. It would seem that Team Rocket’s warehouse is here, but I can’t get in just yet as I’m lacking one of the passwords. I’ll just continue exploring and battling trainers for now... Including the Rocket grunts hanging around outside the warehouse. I said I was going to crush you lot on principle, and I meant it!

Holy crap a female Rocket Grunt! I didn’t think there were any at all in this game! Why the hell don’t they let you on the mainland? And why are you wearing an impractically tight leather skirt and standing with your knees knocked together:

Actually, now that I think of it, the skirt probably explains the knees...

*A few more trainer battles later*

Daw, there’s a little memorial to a deceased Onix here. I was able to get TM 42 Facade here after leaving an offering of Lemonade, as well as a Metal Coat lying nearby. That’s an interesting location for it, seeing as Onix evolves via Metal Coat... I wonder if that was intentional.

Anyway, that’s all for the southern section of this area, now to the northern part!

Humph, for being called the “Water Labyrinth” the rocks in this section really aren’t that hard to navigate through. This is a pretty low standard for a maze I say.

Here a gentleman wants to give me an egg! However I have no space! And I don’t need any more Pokemon so I don’t give a shit and he can hold onto that egg until the end of time itself for all I care.

And up here is Resort Gorgeous (really, who names a place that?). It’s full of stupid rich farts! This place really is wonderful if you need cash though. Amulet Coin + Vs. Seeker + Rich old farts = insane amounts of money very quickly.

Strange, the house here is empty. I wonder if I’ll find the occupant in Lost Cave hmmmm? Oh c’mon, I’m not spoiling shit. It’d be obvious even I didn’t remember this part.

Anyway, I have a map so Lost Cave won’t claim me as well. This shouldn’t take too long to explore...

*a little bit later*
Ah there she is, hey Lady Selphy –
Lady Selphy: “Wh...what do you intend to do with me?”
Woah hey there, do I look like a rapist or something to you? Relax girl...

Well after fending off her panicked attack, I take her out of the cave and she promptly forgets about me completely. Seriously, if you talk to her again afterwards she wonders aloud if she knows you from somewhere. Cold bitch.

Anyway, after heading back to claim the Silk Scarf, I’m ready to move onto Six Island now!

*Inside the Pokemon Center there*
ACK ambushed by my stalker again! What the heck are you doing here Derp? Oh giving up because there are Pokemon you can’t get even on the Sevii Islands? Bwahahahaa you really are a derp. It’s called trading man.

Again, I have the choice between going north and south. I’ll go south again first I think.

Hmm down here there are a lot of hikers, ruin maniacs and a few Strength puzzles to do for items. Not much to comment on until I get to the ruins I think.

Alright, I got to ruins and what do you know, more visual Braille. Thankfully I already know what it says thanks to my guide. I just have to use Cut. Then I can go into the Dotted Hole and get the stuff I need in order to get out again.

*a few minutes later*
Alright, let’s take this Sapphir- hey you! Stop that! Damnit, a stupid researcher came down and swiped it! He’s going to sell it to team Rocket... Well whatever, he also gave me the second password to their warehouse so I can just go take it back!

I’m in no rush though, so I’m going to go down Water Path to the north first.

*Several battles later*
Well it seems I’ve made it to the Pattern Bush - every bug catcher’s wet dream. There are an insane number of trainers in there so it’s going to take some time getting through them all. I’m not complaining though, since MOAR EXP WARHARHAR!

*many, many battles later*
Well that was a long haul, no real difficulties though and now most of my Pokemon are up to lv 60! Some of those people in there were just weird, repeating themselves over and over... I wonder if that pattern in there messes with their heads or something.

Anyway, time to continue on to Altering Cave. There isn’t much there, but there are lots of trainers on the way to battle!

Wait what? Rhere’s a Rocket grunt outside of Altering Cave for some reason, miles away from any allies. Why the hell would he be here? Is it supposed to hint at the nature of Altering Cave or something? Bah, I don’t give a damn to be honest... I just have to kick some tail.

Alright, everything on Six Island has been dealt with now. Before I go trash the Rocket Warehouse though, I still have one more Island to explore! To Seven Island I go!

The Trainer Tower is here, but I have no intention of going through it. Why the hell they built a massive skyscraper for battling here instead of say, in a major city, is beyond me, but hey, whatever. Doesn’t matter a whit to me in any case though.

This means for once I only have one way to go, and that’s south through Sevault Canyon. There’s nothing of real use here, just the Tanoby Ruins to the south where you can catch the Unown. Soooo basically I’m just here to pwn more trainers! Yee-haw, let’s go kick some tail boys (and girl)!

Oh wow, I just realized there’s no wall of rocks around this Island, I wonder how far you can surf before it stops you and how it stops you... let’s try it out!

“The current is much too fast! Surf can’t be used here...”
Well so much for that idea =(

Even though I have no need to catch any Unown, I decided to solve the “Tanoby Key” anyway just for fun. It’s a strength boulder puzzle, and I am quite surprised to report that it actually took me multiple tries to figure it out. It’s definitely one of the tougher puzzles in the Pokemon games, though really, considering the competition, that’s not saying much.

Woah, according to this random Black Belt, at some point Bruno trained with Brawly. Man, Bruno really did that kid a favour didn’t he? I mean, even being seen with a trainer as weak as Brawly could have killed his image, so that really takes guts! *Is booed by Brawly fans*

*several battles later*
Alright, I made it all the way through the canyon. Just this lone house to check out...
*freaky old guy starts dancing*
Old guy: “Dance. Dance. Dance the Chansey Dance!”
Arrrg its making me dance too! Whyyyyyy......!?
Wait what? All my Pokemon got to full health...? What the fucking hell just happened?

... Well in any case, I’m not going to bother with the Tanoby ruins since there’s absolutely nothing there except for Unown, which I couldn’t care less about at the moment. Instead, it’s time to head back to Five Island and storm one last Rocket Base. You know, for old time’s sake!

*A couple minutes later I stand at the doors of the Rocket Warehouse*
Open Says-me! What you want the actual passwords? Oh alright...

Alright, I’m in. Now THIS is an arrow tile puzzle. This is going to be fun.

*A couple wasted grunts and a lot of spinning (and vomit) later*
Urrrrg... I just found TM 36 Sludge Bomb. Kind of ironic, considering I’ve been flinging my own “sludge bombs” from my mouth for the past 5 minutes... Damn arrow tiles... *urk*

On a side note, the Rocket grunts here seem to be unaware or disbelieving that I’ve broken up Team Rocket. I guess news doesn’t travel very fast out here, or they’d all be running screaming from me.

After beating the local Admin and showing him my Earthbadge I finally convinced them that yes, Team Rocket really has disbanded and the whole lot of you need to get the hell out of Kanto and its surrounding areas. I’ll just be taking my Sapphire and leaving now, thanks.

Alright, now I finally got my second perty gemstone! Let’s hand it over to Celio now and finish up this tour of the Sevii Islands shall we?

So Celio links up with Lanette in Hoenn, has a little nerdgasm and now we’re done with the Islands for the most part. Why do I say most part you may ask? Because there’s still a certain fiery bird to be obtained here!

But that’s for next chapter!

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: ALL OF THEM! I HAVES THEM ALL! WA-HAHA! WA-HAHA! WA-HAHA-HAHA!
Pokemon: 6
Location: One Island
Blackouts: 1 (and only one)

No individual summaries this chapter since I’d have god-shit-all to talk about. Short summary: Everyone is kicking serious ass.

Charming the Charizard:

Level 61
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 61
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Light Screen
Iron Tail
Return

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 61
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 61
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 61
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Earthquake
Surf

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 61
Item: Mystic Water
Ice Beam
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Chapter 15: Legendary

---

Alright, it’s time to tie up some lose ends. All you Legendary birds I just strolled past before? Your reprieve is over. It’s game time.

We’re starting with Moltres since we’re already on One Island. The plan here is to lead with Shenron and put up Light Screen, then switch to Bulbus to try and put it to sleep. After it’s asleep I’ll weaken it, then I’ll just try and make sure it stays asleep while chucking as many ultra balls at it as I can manage.

*a short hike later*

Alright Moltres, YOU SHALL BE MINE!
*Shenron uses Light Screen, Moltress uses Agility*
Yeah, well I don’t think Bulbus could have outsped it in the first place. I think I’ll actually weaken it a bit with Shenron first, since he’s a lot less vulnerable to Moltress than Bulbus is.
*Shenron uses return, Moltress uses... ENDURE!*
Wow wishing I had used Thunderbolt now. Well it’s at 1/3 health approximately, so I guess I’ll use Iron Tail.
*Moltress uses endure again, Iron trail brings it to the red*
Well if I had... ah well, it’s weak enough now in any case. Time for Bulbus to come in!
*goes to Pokemon*
... Where’s Bulbus.
*looks again*
I FORGOT TO BRING BULBUS???? ARRRRRRRRGGGGG!
....
Well I’ll just try to catch it without putting it to sleep. This will go over well *sarcasm*
*Many Ultra Balls later*
YES IT WORKED AHAHAHA!
I thought I was never going to catch it there... usually the ball didn’t even get a chance to shake before it broke out! Well let’s see... what do I want to name you... oh let’s go with what every second Moltres is named.
*names Moltres Pheonix*
I’m not feeling very creative today.

Alright, next up is Zapdos! This will be interesting, since instead of a STAB electric attack, it has Drill Peck. I’d actually prefer Thunderbolt, since Bulbus is weak to Drill Peck and Light Screen has no effect on it... Well we’ll just wing it and see how it goes.

*A short swim and trek later*
Alright you overgrown thunderbolt, prepare to be captured!

*Shenron uses Thunderbolt, Zapdos uses Drill Peck. Thunderbolt takes it slightly past half, Drill Peck didn’t do much at all*
Alright, I’m just going to keep Shenron in and hope that static paralyzes Zapdos. Sure I could try to sleep it, but Bulbus would probably just get its ass kicked.
*Shenron uses Iron tail, Zapdos uses Agility. It’s barely outside of the Red*
Well now this won’t do... I don’t really have anything I could attack it with and not KO it now though. I’ll just have to rely on statusing it now. I guess I’ll try to sleep it, and if Bulbus faints, he faints.
*Zapdos uses Thunder Wave on Bulbus*
... Well this isn’t going to help me Sleep it any.
*Zapdos uses detect*
And neither is that... *Sigh*
*Drill peck gets a critical hit, but thankfully doesn’t OHKO. Sleep Powder hits!*
Alright, I’ll Full Restore Bulbus now, then I’ll start chucking Ultra Balls!
*A couple turns later it wakes up, I sleep it again as it uses Agility*
Alright, so far so good...
*Several turns later*
ARRRG it got to the last shake and then it broke out! I thought I had it! Curse you, you misleading piece of crap! CUUUUURRRSSSE YOUUUUUUU!
*Zapdos wakes up, uses Drill peck... Sleep Powder misses*
.... well I knew it was only a matter of time. Let’s try again...
*Detect*
Ok again
*Detect*
.... I’m going to run out of PP at this rate. Damn Pressure...
*Detect fails, Sleep Powder misses*
OH COME ON! I only have one Sleep powder left!
*It hits, but Bulbus get’s paralyzed*
Alright that’s enough now, Shenron will take it from here.
*Several busted Ultra Balls later it wakes up and drill pecks*
Well that didn’t do much. I can’t afford to waste Ultra Balls when it’s not statused so I’ll just heal up my Pokemon a bit while I wait for Static to do its work.
*Next attack Static paralyses Zapdos*
Awesome, now I can start chucking Ultra Balls again.
*just two Ultra Balls later, Zapdos is caught!*
BOOYAH! Two down, two to go. I’m counting Mewtwo by the way. And no... I’m not going to use the Master Ball!
And again since I’m not feeling creative...
*Zapdos is named Zeus*

Alright Articuno, you’re next! I’ve always loved Articuno... It’s a shame it’s next to useless in competitive battling. In any case, the idea here is going to be the same as with Moltres, only this time I’m actually remembering to bring Bulbus. Light Screen, weaken, switch to Bulbus to sleep it. Should work. In theory.

*a short ride across the waves and a long hike through the caves later*

Hello beautiful, you want to come home with me? ;D
*Light Screen and Agility get used*
Oh, so that’s the way it’s going to be is it? Well I’m afraid you don’t get a choice in the matter. Don’t worry I won’t rough you up... too much. Wouldn’t want to ruffle those pretty feathers.
*Return does just less than half health*
Goooood this means I should be able to get it to the red easily.
*Critical Hit! Articuno faints*
..... FUUUUUUCK! Alright, reset.

*Starts out the same*
Alright, just going to do this the same as last time, minus the damn crit hopefully.
*Articuno is in the red now, never having attacked*
Alright, your turn Bulbus. Put it to sleep with... Sleep... Powder... Suddenly this seems way too much like a date rape.
.
.
.
You’re saying it was like one before? Well... uh... STFU!
*Bulbus gets in without issue, but misses the Sleep Powder as the Light Screen wears off*
Dang it, gotta switch back to Shenron now and get that back up.
*Does so, Articuno still hasn’t used Ice Beam*
You know, I think she wants to come with me. Yeah, totally. That is totally how it is.
*Successfully sleeps it, still without it ever attacking*
Alright, come nice and easy now...
*Wakes up several failed Ultra Balls later*
Still hasn’t attacked me yet...
*Sleeps it again, it STILL hasn’t attacked*
I swear, it DOES want to come with me.
*It finally attacks upon waking up, doing a large damage to Bulbus*
Cold bitch D:
*Puts it to sleep again*
Cmon, stay in the Ultra Ball!
*a couple throws later, Articuno is caught!*
Wooo hoo! Alright, now what to name you...
*Names Articuno Aphrodite*
.
.
.
What?

Anyway, next up is the big one. Mewtwo. But first I got to get through the labyrinth that is Cerulean cave. I’ll just be running from its occupants so don’t expect me to be saying much about it, but know that it’s taking me a lot longer to reach Mewtwo than it is going to take for you to read to the point where I confront it.

Before I go in though, I’m going to see what’s on the part of Route 4 I couldn’t reach before. I totally forgot about this when I first got Surf.

Hey there’s a trainer here! I bet I horribly, horribly out level her!
*Oh yes, so very, very much*

Alright, there doesn’t seem to be anything else of interest up here, so into the cave I go! I’m just glad I got a map for this place.

Man there are some high levels in here. I ran into a lv 58 Electrode for cripes sakes. That’s only 3 levels below my Pokemon! Thankfully Shenron still outspeeds them all. This place will make a great training location later though.

AHHHH THERE ARE FUCKING WOBBUFFET DOWN HERE!?!?!?!?
No no no NO YOU FUCKING FUCKERS! *cries*
*Thankfully Shenron takes it out without getting hit by Mirror Coat*
.... My Pokemon are going to faint to that damn thing sooner or later aren’t they. I FUCKING HATE WOBBUFFET!

*Much wandering around later*
Well I didn’t run into any other Wobbuffet (thank god) and here I am. Mewtwo, you’re coming with me!

The plan is to keep Light Screen up as much as possible, and try like hell to get this thing asleep. It WILL OHKO poor Bulbus though with Psychic... I honestly am not sure how I’m going to manage this.

*Light screen goes up, Mewtwo uses Swift which does around 33% to Shenron*
And that was a non-STAB physical attack... geeze, I can’t wait ‘til he starts firing off Psychics >.< It has Recover AND Safeguard too, to add insult to injury. This is going to be hell.
*Return does less than half despite getting a CRIT, while Phsychic almost finishes off Shenron despite Light Screen*
Oh man this is going to be rough. That Master Ball is looking mighty enticing right now...
*Shenron takes it down to the yellow, I swap to Bulbus... right as Light Screen wears off*
Shit. Well I doubt it really matters, Physchic is probably OHKOing either way. Sleep Powder time!
*Mewtwo uses Recover but Sleep Powder hits!*
Alright, now’s my chance... Giga Drain! Get it weak enough!
*gets it into the red after a few turns. Mewtwo still sleeps!*
Alright, ball throwing time!
*Mewtwo wakes up and Recovers after two failed attempts*
Please don’t use Psychic, please let Sleep Powder hit, please don’t use Psychic.
*Mewtwo uses Recover again, gets put to sleep!*
Well now it’s at full health though... *Sigh* this is going to be so hard.
*A few turns later, Mewtwo wakes up and uses recover again, but I’ve used Growth 3 times so I do over half to Mewtwo*
Alright good good... Sleep it now.
*Mewtwo uses Safeguard*
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Alright switching Bulbus out for now then. Bob, go!
*Bob takes half health from Psychic!*
Holy... and he’s my best special attack absorber. Shit.
*A second Psychic takes Bob to 4 hp, Earthquake puts Mewtwo in the Red*
Alright, healing time...
*After healing Bob, he absorbs two more attacks. I also heal Shenron*
I’m thinking now my best bet is to Paralyze it with Body Slam. Have to wait for it to use Recover first though, otherwise I’ll KO it.
*Mewtwo uses Recover and Safeguard again as I put up Light Screen with Shenron*
Alright, looks like my Paralyzing idea will have to wait a bit...
*After switching back to Bob, and another Max Potion and a Body Slam*
Mewtwo must be running low on Psychic now... maybe I won’t paralyze it. Once it’s out of Psychics, Bulbus can take over.
*Bob takes it down to Red again, Mewtwo uses Safeguard again*
Good god this is ridiculous. Well I guess I’ll just start chucking balls at it, unstatused....
*Several max Potions and Ultra Balls later...*
Alright, it can’t have many more Psychic’s le-
*CRITICAL HIT! Bob fainted!*
..... Max revives, am I glad I have you. Good news is, I think that might have been his last Psychic.
*Bulbus comes in, Sleeps Mewtwo!*
Alright, I finally have it in the red and asleep. Finally a good shot at catching it!
*Second Ultra Ball and..... CLICK!*
HELLS YEAH I DID IT! Mewtwo, your days of lurking in the dark of caves is over! Now you get to lurk in the dark of PC Boxes instead :D! But first you need a name... hmmm.
*Names him Hades*
Yeah I like names from Greek mythology, what of it?

Well, that’s it for legendary captures, but not the end of this play-through! Not just yet... There remains one more challenge; to rematch the Elite 4. Before I do that I have a lot of grinding to do, but you lot don’t have to worry about that :P

The next chapter will be the final one of this play-through. Be ready, as it’s liable to be one hell of a finish!

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: They all belong to me! They are my precious... precious... (overused joke is overused AND dated)
Pokemon: 6
Location: Cerulean City
Blackouts: 1 (But there remains one more challenge)

No individual summaries again, since literally nothing changed. Nothing even levelled up.

Charming the Charizard:

Level 61
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 61
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Light Screen
Iron Tail
Return

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 61
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 61
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 61
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Earthquake
Surf

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 61
Item: Mystic Water
Ice Beam
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Latest Chapter:

Chapter 16: One More Time

---

*Huff huff huff*
Well... that... grinding... was... something... else...
*huff huff... cough! Hem hem...*

Er yeah, between Wobbuffet using Counter/Mirror Coat/Destiny Bond, getting paralysed by Magneton, Effect Spore’d by Parasect, and Electrodes using Explosion, my team fainted more training for my second shot at the Pokemon League than they have anywhere else in the game.

But it was all worth it! Maybe! Because they’re all at lv 68 now, which should be high enough to take on the new and improved Pokemon League. It’s time for the ultimate challenge, the last hurrah. It’s time to start... THE FINAL COUNTDOWN *Guitar riffs*

*Ahem* Anyway, Lorelei is first up! Her team hasn’t changed too much from last time, so this shouldn’t be much more difficult than before. Let’s go team!

*Loelei leads with Dewgong, I lead with Shenron*
Alright, same deal as the first time, only not bothering with Light Screen since Pilloswine is almost certain to be the next enemy to come out. THUNDERBOLT!
*Thunderbolt does 2/3 health, but the stupid Dewgong uses Double Team*
Oh lord I had better not miss... use it again!
*Does not miss*
Wooo one down! As expected, Pilloswine is up. I think this one needs to be thawed out a little. Go Charming!
*Charming OHKOs with Flamethrower*
Who wants some barbecued pork?
*Cloyster is next, Shenron goes back out*
Alright, now is a good time to put up a Light Screen.
*the stupid shellfish uses Supersonic*
.... and of course it hits too... well Yellow Flute time.
*Cloyster uses Rain Dance*
Oh joy... that’s going to screw stuff up. Well, Thunderbolt away Shenron!
*Thunderbolt OHKOs, Jynx is next*
I think I’ll take advantage of its low defence this time and send out Bob! GO! Use Body Slam!
*Jynx uses Lovely Kiss*
.... Asleep. God damn it. Pokeflute time...
*Jynx uses Attract*
.... So annoying. At least this is stalling out Rain Dance...
*Lovely kissed again*
ARRRRG!!!!!!!!
*Jynx uses Ice beam for pitiful damage*
Going to have to do better than that! Body Slam!
*Jynx crits with Ice Beam but Bob fights through his disturbing love to KO it*
Just Lapras now... Shenron, you’re up again! This time it’s all Special based, so Light Screen!
*Light Screen causes Surf to hit for only around 30%*
Alright, time to just fire off Thunderbolts until it stops twitching! Fry that sea monster Shenron! We’re eating rich tonight >:D
*Two turns later Lapras is cooked to a delicious crisp*
Victory! One down, four to go!

Bruno is up next! Let’s g- hang on. Why the hell does the Team Rocket base music play in his room? Suspicious...

Anyway, the biggest change to Bruno’s arsenal is that both his Onix have now evolved into Steelix... not that they’ll be able to take Surfs from Wuzzle any better. However, that means they’re also weak to Charming’s Flamethrower now, which is more powerful than Wuzzle’s Surfs. Between Fly and Flamethrower and with some luck, Charming should be able to sweep his whole team.

*Bruno leads with Steelix, I lead with Charming*
Melt that heap of scrap into slag!
*OHKO*
Hitmonchan thinks it can take Charming on? FOOLISH FOOL! You shall fall before Charming’s aerial might!
*Fly OHKOs*
Hitmonlee believes it can strike you down Charming? Let’s see how good it is at kicking things hundreds of feet above it!
*Fly OHKOs*
Machamp now believes it can best you? First it must withstand your might! Fly my dear man! Fly!
*Fly does 2/3, Charming is taken down to 17 hp by Rock Slide*
Ah, a fearsome blow, but we shall persevere! You will not be able to withstand another attack Machamp!
*Charming finishes it off*
A lone Steelix is all that remains. Yes, RUN you pathetic worm, RUN! You shall not escape Charming’s Blaze!
*The metal recovered from Steelix’s corpse was later forged into steel beams that were used to build a community hockey arena*
Victory! And we have given the little kiddies something to celebrate too! What, you’re saying that desecrating Steelix’s body was a crime against nature? Tell that to the poor little kids whose fun you would end! TELL IT TO THEM!

AHEM anyway, Agatha is up next. She’ll be interesting, though at least this time I don’t have to solo her. Problem is I don’t really have anything to hit her Ghost types very hard with. I think I’ll give Ball a shot at first, since he can hit hard with Rock Slide.

*She sends out one of her Gengar, I lead with Ball*
Rock slide is the only attack I got that hits, so Rock Slide it is!
*Ball is outsped and put to sleep by Hypnosis*
.... well this is going to be annoying again isn’t it.
*Psychic hits Ball for half his health as I wake him up*
Yeahhhh, Ball isn’t going to work beyond this first Gengar.
*Psychic brings ball into the red, while Rock Slide does less than half to Gengar*
.... Really? Oh for cripes sake... Charming, take over.
*Charming is hit by Psychic on the way in, takes a little over 25%*
Well that’s better... Flying time!
*Fly misses, Hypnosis hits*
FOR REAL!?!??!?
*Confuse ray as I wake Charming up*
ARRRRRG!!!!!! SO POINTLESSLY ANNOYING!
*Hypnosis misses*
Ok, Fly again... AND HIT THIS TIME DAMN IT!
*Fly finishes it off, Misdreavus comes in*
It has Thunderbolt, so I had better send in something else... Shenron should work.
*Shenron does around 50% with Thunderbolt, Misdreavus’ Psychic does around 30% and lowers Sp. Def*
Alright, once more should do it.
*Takes it down to a sliver of health, Psychic brings Shenron down to 50HP AND lowers Shenrons Sp. Def... AGAIN!*
... Well that shouldn’t matter... Thunderbolt
*Agatha uses a full restore, Thunderbolt doesn’t do even half*
..... God damn this shit. Ok, switching to Bob so Shenron can get healed.
*Misdreavus uses Shadow Ball as I switch, which obviously has no effect*
Hmmm it can’t even scratch Bob. I think I’ll keep him in for now...
*3 Surfs later*
Alright, next up is Crobat. Sounds like a job for Shenron! Roast that bat!
*Thunderbolt puts it in the red, but it retaliates with Confuse Ray*
.... so annoying.
*Sludge Bomb does over 50% AND poisons*
Goddamn it.. just... finish it Shenron...
*Crobat is finished off, Arbok comes out*
Bob should be able to handle this. Go! Earthquake!
*Damn thing uses Double Team, Earthquake does around 70%*
Alright, I just need one more hit...
*Sludge bomb brings Bob to 50%, Earthquake misses*
Oh cmon he’s only used Double Team once!
*Sludge Bomb does around 25%, Earthqake MISSES AGAIN*
ONCE! IT SHOULD BE AS ACCURATE AS ROCK SLIDE STILL! ARRRRRRRRRRGGGG!!!!!!!
*Sludge Bomb brings Bob down to 20HP, but Earthquake FINALLY hits and finishes it*
About goddamn time! Just her other Gengar left. I’m going to heal up Bob and see how he does against it...
*Bob slowly wears it down with Surf, taking Gengar’s attacks quite well*
Good good, this should work. This time it’s all attacks, no damn double team or Hypnosis or anything so this shouldn’t be too hard...
*Gets paralyzed by Thunderbolt and FP’d in the same turn*
... Really?
*A full restore on both sides and many Surfs later*
That’s got to be the most waterlogged Gengar I’ve ever seen
*On what would have been the final Surf, GENGAR GETS A CRIT AND KOS BOB*
FUCKING HAAAAAAAAAAX!
*Charming comes in*
Ok just fucking end this with Flamethrowerrrr-
*Is outsped and OHKO’d by Thunderbolt*
- ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG STUPID FUCKING SHIT!
Shenron, FRY IT!
*Shenron finishes it with Thunderbolt*
Wow that was a disaster. On top of that, it seems that I screwed up and didn’t bring nearly enough healing items either... god damn this, I could actually lose this challenge. Not because I’ll be outplayed, but because I won’t able to heal properly between battles!

*A round of dwindling medicine later*

I really am running low on healing items... all I got for HP restoration is 7 more Full restores. I totally forgot I was out of Lemonades when I came in here... gah!

Lance now, with some seriously worrying changes to his line up. Two Dragonite and a Kingdra join his team... I’m a little bit scared here honestly, especially I have nothing that can hit Kingdra supereffectively. He leads with Gyarados in any case, so Shenron gets to see even more action.

*Gyarados and Shenron face off*
Well this is going to be quick. Thunderbolt!
*Gyarados is OHKO’d, Aerodactyl is next*
Shenron is staying in, since I’m thinking his Thunderbolt is my best shot. If it doesn’t OHKO though, I’m getting Earthquaked...
*Thunderbolt only does ¾, but Earthquake also fails to KO*
Whew, that was close! 14hp... One more Thunderbolt!
*Aerodactyl is finished off, Dragonite is next*
Alright Wuzzle, time to shine! I think this big brute needs to chill a little, don’t you?
*Ice beam does 2/3, Dragon claw does around 30%*
Alright, good stuff. One more time!
*Ice Beam finishes it off, his stronger Dragonite is next*
Ok, this is not good. It has Ice Beam and Thunderbolt, and Outrage and Hyper Beam... I have no idea how I’m going to take this thing down. Well Wuzzle... take your best shot!
*Thunderboly from Dragonite brings Wuzzle to the red, while Ice Beam does over half to Dragonite*
Alright, that’s good but I can’t finish it off since it’s faster than Wuzzle... I’m thinking it’s Bob’s turn to have another go at this!
*Dragonite surprises me by using Outrage on the switch, but it thankfully does little damage*
Awesome! Bob, it’s time to show them who’s boss! Body Slam!
*Dragonite hangs on with a ridiculously tiny amount of health*
Oh C’MON! Now he’s just going to heal it... Oh well. Body Slam away!
*It’s a 3HKO, while I know nothing Dragonite can do will 3HKO Bob*
Awesome! This will work great! I should be able to take out Kingdra with Bob too!
*Bob finishes it off with over half his health left*
Ok, Kingdra is the only one left. A Body Slam followed by a Hyper Beam should do the trick.
*Kingdra Dragon Dances, which would be more threatening if its only physical attack wasn’t Hyper Beam*
Alright, that Body Slam did over half health so I’ll just go with Body Slam again. It can’t miss, unlike Hyper Beam.
*Body Slam just BARELY mises out on the KO again*
You have got to be kidding me... That’s it MOTHERFUCKING HYPERBEAM TIME!
*Lance uses Full Restore, but a STAB Hyper Beam brings it back to a tiny amount of health. Bob is hit with a Hyper Beam from it while he recharges, but it just barely misses out on the KO too*
And now YOU must recharge! YES! VICTORY! SQUISH IT BOB SQUISH IT GOOD!
*Kingdra is pancaked beneath Bob’s enormous bulk*

Alright, just one challenge remains. I don’t know if I can do it. If I had more Full Restores, there’d be no doubt. However, I’m down to my last four. It’s all or nothing time. Time to prove to the world that I truly am a Pokemon Master! Or just some nerd with too much time on his hands! Either one!

*For the appropriate music, go to this link! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhfJO366AM4*

He leads with Heracross this time, so Charming is going to take the lead once more.

*Heracross faces off against Charming*
Thankfully, you have a glaring 4x weakness to Flying for me to abuse! At least one of his damn Pokemon is a freebee. The rest are going to be much harder I think.
*Fly utterly decimates Heracross, Blastoise is next*
Ah! Straight to your most powerful Pokemon eh? This bad. It has both Earthquake and Ice Beam, meaning Shenron has to sit this out and Bulbus could get nailed. Still, Bulbus’ Sleep Powder + Growth strategy is the best one I have right now (Also, Bulbus is useless for the rest of this fight and is kind of expendable to be perfectly honest). Go Bulbus! Sleep powder!
*Blastoise uses Rain Dance, Sleep Powder... misses.*
..... of all the times...
*Bulbus is OHKO’d by a CRIT Ice Beam*
A CRIT?!?!?!? REALLY?? Bulbus probably could have taken a non-crit! God DAMN this hax! Well Shenron isn’t going to be much use in this fight either, and maybe I’ll luck out... go Shenron! Thunderbolt!
*Shenron takes Blastoise down to half health, but gets nailed by a rain boosted Hydro Pump and is OHKO’d*
Well fuck.
Wuzzle, you’re immune to Hydro Pump, have good defences and resist Ice Beam. You try! Brick Break!
*Blastoise hilariously uses Hydro Pump, which of course is useless. Brick Break brings it into the red, but Sitrus Berry puts it back in the yellow.*
Alright, one more time... Brick Break!
*Blastoise’s Earthquake does less than ¼ to Wuzzle, but Blastoise somehow manages to hang on with a sliver of health*
.... now the fucker is going to use a Full Restore. Oh for the love of god...
*Instead he withdraws Bastoise for Alazam, who takes the Brick Break well*
.... SHIT. Bob, you’re only one who stands a chance here! Go!
*Bob gets nailed by another fucking critical hit, but lives*
AGAIN???? What is WITH all this crit hax? Now I have to use a Full Restore on him... god damn this!
*Pyschic does 33% after I heal*
Ok, I should be able to do this... Body Slam!
*Pyschic brings Bob down to 2/3 but Alakazam is KO’d!*
Oh thank lord... Exeggutor is next. Charming should wipe the floor with it. Use Flamethrower!
*Exeggutor screams in agony as it is once again reduced to a charred, lifeless husk*
Wooooo! Alright, who’s next? Your Blastoise again? Alright then, Wuzzle, come back out!
*Derp uses a Full Restore, Brick Break looks like a 3-4hko*
Better than what he can do to me in any case. Again!
*Blastoise uses Rain Dance for some unidentifiable reason, and is reduced to 1/3 health by Brick Break*
Just one more hit should do it.
*Ice beam from Blastoise does pitiful damage, but yet again Wuzzle misses out on the KO by a tiny amount*
OH FOR CRIPES SAKES! I swear, if he heals it again...
*he heals it again*
ARRRRRRG I need my Brick Breaks for his Tyranitar too you know! I can’t run out of PP for this move.
*Ice Beam again does little damage, while Brick Break brings him down to apparent KO range*
Alright, I’d attack again but I need Wuzzle healthy for Arcanine and Tyranitar so I’m going to heal him now while I have the chance. Both Tyranitar and Arcanine have Aerial Ace, so I need to be in top shape.
*Blastoise keeps using Ice beam to little effect, while Brick Break brings it to the red again*
Alright, using Strength this time in the hopes that Derp doesn’t have another Full Restore...
*He does*
OH FOR CRIPES SAKES MAN! HOW MANY OF THOSE DO YOU HAVE?!!?!? Oh well, more Brick Breaking I suppose...
*A few turns later, Blastoise finally faints!*
YES! Alright! Tyranitar is next. Wuzzle, you’re staying right where you are for this one. Brick Break!
*Brick Break OHKOs*
Just Arcanine left! Wuzzle probably won’t survive long enough to use Surf, so I’m going to use one of my last full restores on Bob, who I think has the best chance of beating it.
*Bob is brought back to full health, but Wuzzle is OHKO’d by ANOTHER crit. Was Aerial Ace anyway though, so it probably didn’t matter*
I don’t think I’ve gotten more than 2 crits this entire league challenge damnit... anyway Bob, USE HYPER BEAM FOR ULTIMATE VICTORY!
*Bob takes an Overheat like a boss, but unbelievably doesn’t KO Arcanine with Hyper Beam. On my recharge turn, Derp uses yet another full restore*
Oh for the love of... ok, Earthquake this time. I think it’s actually weaker than Hyper Beam here, but I’ll need to heal next turn if it doesn’t KO and having to recharge would fuck me over.
*Bob takes another, now weaker Overheat, and as predicted Earthquake does even less than Hyper beam did*
In KO range in any case, but I can’t guarantee that Bob will survive another hit, so my last Full Restore goes to him.
*Bob takes an Iron Tail on the healing turn, and again the next, but finishes the battle with an earth shattering Earthquake!*

YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! Good god that was close! I could’ve easily been swept by his Alakazam had it managed to get a Reflect up. Thankfully, that didn’t happen. Bob really saved my ass in this run through of the Elite Four.

And with that, my challange draws to a close. It was long and hard at times, but fun. It was great to watch you guys follow along with it, and nice to feel that people were actually interested in what I had to say. Thanks to all of you for reading!

Oh but wait, there’s still one more thing to do before I sign off. That’s right, it’s time for the last -

END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Badges: I’m a two time champion. You figure it out
Pokemon: 6
Location: Hall of Fame
Blackouts: 1 (But only one! That’s good! Right?)

Charming the Charizard:

Level 69
Item: Charcoal
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Fly
Attract

Charming was a force to be reckoned with throughout the entire game. From start to finish, he held his own. He really shined once he evolved into Charizard though; the addition of the Flying type and a second STAB (that he could acutually use against females) was invaluable. Whereas before he had some issues against some female pokemon, after he got Fly nothing could stop him. Finally, he proved very useful in both League challenges, particularly in the second where he singlehandedly obliterated Bruno.

Shenron the Raichu:

Level 69
Item: Amulet Coin
Thunderbolt
Light Screen
Iron Tail
Return

Shenron was a bit of a mixed bag, especially near the start. He was frail as hell, didn’t have a high enough Special attack to do what he needed to do all the time, and didn’t have good enough coverage moves. However, with every improvement he got, he became more and more valuable. When he learned Thunderbolt, he finally was able to fill his role as an Electric type attacker appropriately. When he evolved, he gained both power and bulk he was lacking before, making him much more useful overall. Finally, the removal of his TM restriction gave him the coverage he needed. It kinda-sorta helped though that I forgot about his switching requirement when it came to the Pokemon league... seriously, I didn’t mean to! XD. At least it only really came into play against Lance’s Aerodactyl. You can allow me one infraction right? Anyway, said League challenges were where he really shined. His STAB Thunderbolt and blistering speed proved completely indispensable against them.

Ball the Sandslash:

Level 68
Item: Leftovers
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig

Ball was so incredibly useful near the beginning. His high defense and attack combined with his great coverage allowed him to dominate all his early opponents. Things started to fall apart for him as time went on however, as his opponents got stronger while he, for the most part, did not. Because I was forced to give Earthquake to Bob, he was stuck with Dig as his STAB late game, which was rather pitiful and left him seeming underpowered despite being tied with Bob and Charming for the highest attacking stat on my team. His foes also became more special attack oriented, limiting his defensive capabilities as well. In the end, he barely saw any action during the Elite Four at all. He didn’t even see the light of day the second run through. While he continued to be useful elsewhere against lesser opponents, it was clear he had left his glory days behind.

Bulbus the Victreebel:

Level 68
Item: Miracle Seed
Giga Drain (PP Maxed)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder

Bulbus hardly changed at all over the course of this play-through. He’s been using the same strategy ever since he learned Sleep Powder: put the enemy to sleep, use Growth several times, then sweep with his Grass type STAB. While his STAB and coverage move both saw improvements in Celadon City, after that he never changed at all. This was for a good reason though; what he had worked. There was no good reason for him to switch things up. Still, the unreliability of Sleep Powder ended up really biting him in the ass overall, and once Wuzzle joined the team the need for his Grass typing dwindled. Towards the end he was barely getting used at all outside of simply training and weaker trainer battles, and of all my Pokemon he was the hardest to grind thanks to his need for set up. He was never completely useless though, and managed to come through when I did need him. He also performed admirably against the legendary birds and Mewtwo, despite being weak to all of them.

Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:

Level 68
Item: Leftovers
Body Slam
Hyper Beam
Earthquake
Surf

When Bob first joined the party, he was stunningly overpowered. Nothing could scratch him and he obliterated everything with his insane power. Hyper Beam was particularly unfair at the start, OHKOing everything and anything. He was even able to use Surf pretty effectively, despite his Special Attack being pretty low. As time went on and his opponents became stronger, he mellowed out some and became more level with the rest of the team in terms of usefulness. Sometimes he’d get overlooked simply because of type advantages (and the fact he lacked any STAB ones), but if I ever needed something to fall back on, he was my man. In fact, sometimes I really should have picked him in the first place, typing be darned. His ability to wall special attacks came in particularly useful in the second Elite Four challenge. It was clear that I would not have been able to succeed without him.

Wuzzle the Poliwrath

Level 68
Item: Mystic Water
Ice Beam
Brick Break
Surf
Strength

Wuzzle was a pleasure to use, especially since unlike everything else in this challange, I’d never used the Poliwag line before. Charizard, Victreebel, Snorlax, Raichu, even Sandslash had all been used by me in some previous play-through. This was a new experience for me, and boy did it pay off. Despite a bit of a struggle to evolve her both times, Wuzzle proved absolutely invaluable once she evolved. Her typing and defences made her easily one of my best pokemon late game, with very good coverage, good attack power and tremendous defences on both sides of the spectrum. She proved invaluable in both Pokemon League challanges, and without her I would not have stood a chance in the rematch against Derp. I have a whole new respect for Poliwrath now, thanks to her.

LVP:
Bulbus the Victreebel

This was a hard choice since all my Pokemon this challange were actually pretty good. It seems I lucked out this time around, with nothing but easy challanges. In the end though, Bulbus was chosen for this dubious honor. It’s ironic, since of all my Pokemon he was probably the least restricted, but that didn’t change the fact that he’s still a goddamn Victreebel in Gen III, which means that he had a goddamn terrible movepool. Weak STABs forced me to rely on setting up wtih Growth using Sleep Powder, and that was trouble because Sleep Powder was so unreliable. Not just missing, but the opponent waking up before I had enough Growths under my belt, and then attacking/statusing him. The fact he had a fuck-ton of weaknesses didn’t help. Additionally, his advantages were well covered by his teammates already, so I rarely had a legitimate reason to use him over someone else. Again though, I’d like to emphasize that Bulbus was in no way weak. It’s just that it had such tough competition in the others that he got completely overshadowed.

MVP:
Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax

This was another hard choice, for the same reason as last time. Almost all my team members were incredibly useful at one point or another so deciding on one to be MVP was really tough. Ultimately it came down to Bob, Charming and Wuzzle though. Ultimately, Bob won out for one main reason; while I might not always have chosen him first, Bob could have been chosen for almost any battle that wasn’t against a Fighting type and won. His bulk and attack power meant he could take pretty much anything on. Furthermore, his ability to sponge special attacks saved my ass several times, particularly in the final Pokemon League challenge. Without him, Derp’s Alakazam would’ve swept my whole team, as likely would have Agatha’s Gengar. What ultimately made him the MVP was that I could ALWAYS count on him to give me the edge I needed, when I needed it. He might not have been overpowered in the end, but his versatility and simple badassery secured him the honor,

A final word for you all; next up I’ll be doing a Nuzlocke challenge of Sapphire instead of another scramble, but I’ll be writing updates up in much the same manner. If you want to keep up to date with that, keep an eye on my signature as always. I’ll see you all next time!

This challange is now complete, and will no longer be updating. Thanks for reading everyone!