Yes Professor Juniper, I've played Pokemon before.
...I'm a boy goddammit!
After this rather derpy introduction, we head over to my house for a Pokemon battle, where I get King S the Snivy...
Holy shit a female Snivy!
Time to beat up Cheren and Bianca!
Let's see, I don't need your Pokedex. Oh come on, you have to explain what a Pokedex is? I'm not a noob goddammit! Seriously, do you have to explain it? I'm only gonna get like 10 entries! Fine, I'll take it...*cough*derp*cough*
What was that? I don't know what you were talking about. *snatches Pokedex*
Time to go through Route 1!
Wow lv. 4 Patrats are scary. It took off half my health! Luckily I made it to Accumula. I walk slower than a Shuckle! Good thing Running Shoes are coming.
And there was this guy that told you to walk in tall grass to catch Pokemon. And right after the first mandatory grass too!
I know how to use a Pokemon center goddammit Professor Juniper!
Oh look, Ghestis! I can beat up his Hydreigon now!
Oh come on, he just walks away! Really? Really??
At least I get to battle N...
*gets Running Shoes*
"Hey, I'm gonna do something amazing!"
*jumps down a 1-foot ledge*
Amazing my ass.
*creams Route 2*
I especially loved this Lass with one Purrloin:
"Purrloin used Assist! But it failed..."
Yeah, you should probably catch another Pokemon!
Oh, Bianca wants to battle! Oh, fine, I'll solo you. With a Snivy. *does so*
Let's see, I have to battle Cheren again!
*does so after healing up*
Wow, Tail Whip is scary. So is Assist. Luckily it didn't pull Ember.
*Scratch crits and KOs*
*goes into Dreamyard*
Let's get ourselves a death fodder!
Oh cool, there's an NPC called Youngster Joey in the Dreamyard with 2 Patrat and a Lilipup!
Gets Fodder the Panpour!
What a nice death fodder...
*Challenges Cheren again*
This time Tepig actually chooses to use Ember...
Good thing Tepig's only lv. 8.
Oh nice, Oran Berries! Like I'd actually use them...
Time to take on the Gym!
*sweeps through lackeys*
And now the Gym Leader...
I'm in more danger of being OHKOed than running out of Potions, so I'll just buy 10. Too bad nothing has Taunt this early...
Vine Whip 3HKOs thanks to a crit while it spams Work Up.
It Works Up to +2 as I Growth to +2, then I 2HKO with Tackle as it Works Up again.
Easiest time against Striaton Gym ever.
Blackouts: 1 (curse you Tepig!)
King S (Female)
Current MVP for very obvious reasons.