Classic Hollywood whitewashing :^)so the stonewall movie is gonna be trash :V
Classic Hollywood whitewashing :^)so the stonewall movie is gonna be trash :V
crushes on straight friends are common (especially when you're in high school) and also totally unproductive. no particular advice beyond that, sorry.so here's a story + me asking for all your expert gay opinions
In the past I have always been excessively sarcastic and mean to people because I was basically always sad all the time, and it was a way for me to vent a little and hide the fact that I wasn't happy with myself by feigning confidence. One of the reasons I was sad is because it's hard to find a meaningful relationship when you are gay and 17. One day, a good friend of mine messaged me after we had hung out and said he was unhappy with the way I was acting because it was overly negative and I decided he was right and that I wanted to change my lifestyle.....and tl;dr he helped me through it a lot and I was very appreciative.
Since then I have been developing feelings for him. Up until now I have been trying to talk myself out of it or brush it off, but it's getting out of hand because the feelings won't go away and I can't act on them because he is straight. I would like to just be good friends with him like I was before, but it's basically impossible now because my feelings for him make it really hard to treat him like a friend like I did before. So I guess my options are to stop talking to him completely until my feelings for him go away, which is difficult because he is the person I have talked to the most by far for like the past couple of months, and just try to suppress my emotions.
Has anyone been in a situation like this before? And what did you do etc.
Something similar happened to me too, but in college. I started taking dating seriously, and eventually went from convincing myself to believing that there were options to take my mind off of him. I knew it wasn't going to happen from the get-go, because he had a girlfriend for 12 years (they got married a few months ago). What made it worse is that it got to a point where we were comfortable proclaiming our mutual friendly love and respect for each other as people and artists. I never wanted to stop hearing him say "I love you", even though we didn't mean it the same way...so here's a story + me asking for all your expert gay opinions
In the past I have always been excessively sarcastic and mean to people because I was basically always sad all the time, and it was a way for me to vent a little and hide the fact that I wasn't happy with myself by feigning confidence. One of the reasons I was sad is because it's hard to find a meaningful relationship when you are gay and 17. One day, a good friend of mine messaged me after we had hung out and said he was unhappy with the way I was acting because it was overly negative and I decided he was right and that I wanted to change my lifestyle.....and tl;dr he helped me through it a lot and I was very appreciative.
Since then I have been developing feelings for him. Up until now I have been trying to talk myself out of it or brush it off, but it's getting out of hand because the feelings won't go away and I can't act on them because he is straight. I would like to just be good friends with him like I was before, but it's basically impossible now because my feelings for him make it really hard to treat him like a friend like I did before. So I guess my options are to stop talking to him completely until my feelings for him go away, which is difficult because he is the person I have talked to the most by far for like the past couple of months, and just try to suppress my emotions.
Has anyone been in a situation like this before? And what did you do etc.
Right, so it's been 9 days and I'm not sure if anything has changed between you and you're friend, but I've been in a similar situation when I was in high school. So, I had this very attractive straight friend that I played on the tennis team with, and he was the type of guy that had flirtatious tendencies and it just seemed like he flirted with everyone (including me, which amplified my attraction towards him). I kinda had the same frustrations as you where it was basically a crush that wouldn't go away and it was something that I couldn't act on because he identified as straight. Well, I told this girl (who we were both friends with and she was also on the tennis team) that I liked my friend, and she ended up telling him (you can imagine how embarrassed and pissed off 17 year old me was when I found out she did that). So, for maybe a week him and I were avoiding each other because it just got really awkward. But, things starting shifting towards the positive when I forgave my friend after she came crying to me that she was sorry, and the guy and I ended up talking and getting closure, and things just went back to normal with everybody being friends again. And, being 22 now, that crush has diminished a long ass time ago.so here's a story + me asking for all your expert gay opinions
In the past I have always been excessively sarcastic and mean to people because I was basically always sad all the time, and it was a way for me to vent a little and hide the fact that I wasn't happy with myself by feigning confidence. One of the reasons I was sad is because it's hard to find a meaningful relationship when you are gay and 17. One day, a good friend of mine messaged me after we had hung out and said he was unhappy with the way I was acting because it was overly negative and I decided he was right and that I wanted to change my lifestyle.....and tl;dr he helped me through it a lot and I was very appreciative.
Since then I have been developing feelings for him. Up until now I have been trying to talk myself out of it or brush it off, but it's getting out of hand because the feelings won't go away and I can't act on them because he is straight. I would like to just be good friends with him like I was before, but it's basically impossible now because my feelings for him make it really hard to treat him like a friend like I did before. So I guess my options are to stop talking to him completely until my feelings for him go away, which is difficult because he is the person I have talked to the most by far for like the past couple of months, and just try to suppress my emotions.
Has anyone been in a situation like this before? And what did you do etc.
It helps to vent, even if not directly to the guy. Telling another close friend is usually best, because vocalizing it helps (it feels worse when it is internalized, because your mind starts thinking way too hard). Or you can vent to us, I'm sure that there are plenty of willing ears here. That alone might be enough, but it also helps to not dwell on it so much. Join clubs, find a hobby, or even going on dates are all ways to remove some of the focus so that you aren't dwelling on him so much, without having to remove him from your life (even temporarily). If those don't appeal, try hanging out with other friends more often, especially in small groups. Yeah, just being happy that he's happy would be ideal, but that won't immediately help you either. Still, I would suggest trying for that if you can so that over time this becomes less romantic and more familial.so here's a story + me asking for all your expert gay opinions
In the past I have always been excessively sarcastic and mean to people because I was basically always sad all the time, and it was a way for me to vent a little and hide the fact that I wasn't happy with myself by feigning confidence. One of the reasons I was sad is because it's hard to find a meaningful relationship when you are gay and 17. One day, a good friend of mine messaged me after we had hung out and said he was unhappy with the way I was acting because it was overly negative and I decided he was right and that I wanted to change my lifestyle.....and tl;dr he helped me through it a lot and I was very appreciative.
Since then I have been developing feelings for him. Up until now I have been trying to talk myself out of it or brush it off, but it's getting out of hand because the feelings won't go away and I can't act on them because he is straight. I would like to just be good friends with him like I was before, but it's basically impossible now because my feelings for him make it really hard to treat him like a friend like I did before. So I guess my options are to stop talking to him completely until my feelings for him go away, which is difficult because he is the person I have talked to the most by far for like the past couple of months, and just try to suppress my emotions.
Has anyone been in a situation like this before? And what did you do etc.
So proud of you!i just stumbled upon this thread and it seems nice, so uhm hi!
i haven't really talked to too many people in general about this, but i'm a (pre-everything) transgender girl. i've felt like this for pretty much my whole life, but my case is kinda odd compared to most other transgender people, which is why i've been pretty doubtful up until recently. that and i'm only 16, so i've been thinking this is just a phase, it'll change when i get older, i don't really feel this way, etc.; i'm not the type of person to really jump the gun on things, and i'm not the type of person to want to find a label to stick on me just to be unique or for attention or whatever. actually, i get pretty upset with those people. now that that's out of the way, here's my little "experience":
i'm not like a lot of other transgirls in the sense where i'd always go for the more traditionally feminine option when given the chance. i didn't hang around with the girls exclusively in primary and middle school. i guess you could say i don't feel traditionally girly. however, i never felt traditionally masculine either. i never liked sports, i didn't like doing wild, traditional "boy" things, and a lot of my hobbies tended to be things that were more "in the middle" of masculine and feminine. for quite awhile i thought i was thinking those thoughts (about being transgender and all) because i wasn't like the other young boys. this made a lot of sense... i didn't really feel like a girl or want to be a girl, i just thought i was because i wasn't like the other boys. i mean my experiences are so much different than those i read about, so i had to be wrong about all this, right?
well... that's where i kinda differ. i did do the stuff you always hear about trans girls doing when they were young like sneaking around and putting on my mom's dresses and heels and makeup and whatever, thinking about how nice it'd be to do that girly stuff like paint my nails, go to the salon, having nice long hair, wearing pretty clothes, etc., but it wasn't as big of a thing for me as it was for all these other young trans girls that i'd hear about online. i'd watch these videos to see if my experiences matched their's to see if i was really what i thought i was.
for me, it wasn't those things. for me it was looking in the mirror and not seeing me. it's really as simple as that in my experience. i'll look in the mirror and see a boy with a beard and all these masculine features and stuff and i'll just kinda freak out on the inside. i get butterflies in my stomach, i get really anxious, and then, if i'm alone, i usually start to cry. for me, that's how i know. when i look down before i take a shower and i don't see breasts and i see a penis where i feel one shouldn't be, i get this feeling i really can't describe other than what i explained above. when people tell me "you look so big and strong, you should be a football player!", i feel just plain totally crushed. they're just being nice and polite of course, but that stuff hurts a lot. i could go on about this stuff, but i don't really wanna sit here and act like my life is the worst. i don't wanna play the victim. i don't wanna make people feel bad for me.
what i do want to do is share my experience with a wider group of people that the 10-15 friends that i've told online. i'm not ready to come out irl or anything yet because i live in a very conservative environment any my safety comes first. i'm only 16, and i don't wanna end up on the streets or anything. it's easier to just lie and push through these next few years until i'm on my own.
idk i'll probably delete this in a couple days because i get paranoid about irl friends finding my smogon / ps! stuff, so we'll see... i just wanted to share this because i feel like i should, and it feels good to tell people c:
Having interest in things that are stereotypical to the other gender is not transsexuality - that's merely gender non-conformism (or that's a term that sounds accurate to me). The feeling you describe that your male body does not belong on you is what defines it.i just stumbled upon this thread and it seems nice, so uhm hi!
i haven't really talked to too many people in general about this, but i'm a (pre-everything) transgender girl. i've felt like this for pretty much my whole life, but my case is kinda odd compared to most other transgender people, which is why i've been pretty doubtful up until recently. that and i'm only 16, so i've been thinking this is just a phase, it'll change when i get older, i don't really feel this way, etc.; i'm not the type of person to really jump the gun on things, and i'm not the type of person to want to find a label to stick on me just to be unique or for attention or whatever. actually, i get pretty upset with those people. now that that's out of the way, here's my little "experience":
i'm not like a lot of other transgirls in the sense where i'd always go for the more traditionally feminine option when given the chance. i didn't hang around with the girls exclusively in primary and middle school. i guess you could say i don't feel traditionally girly. however, i never felt traditionally masculine either. i never liked sports, i didn't like doing wild, traditional "boy" things, and a lot of my hobbies tended to be things that were more "in the middle" of masculine and feminine. for quite awhile i thought i was thinking those thoughts (about being transgender and all) because i wasn't like the other young boys. this made a lot of sense... i didn't really feel like a girl or want to be a girl, i just thought i was because i wasn't like the other boys. i mean my experiences are so much different than those i read about, so i had to be wrong about all this, right?
well... that's where i kinda differ. i did do the stuff you always hear about trans girls doing when they were young like sneaking around and putting on my mom's dresses and heels and makeup and whatever, thinking about how nice it'd be to do that girly stuff like paint my nails, go to the salon, having nice long hair, wearing pretty clothes, etc., but it wasn't as big of a thing for me as it was for all these other young trans girls that i'd hear about online. i'd watch these videos to see if my experiences matched their's to see if i was really what i thought i was.
for me, it wasn't those things. for me it was looking in the mirror and not seeing me. it's really as simple as that in my experience. i'll look in the mirror and see a boy with a beard and all these masculine features and stuff and i'll just kinda freak out on the inside. i get butterflies in my stomach, i get really anxious, and then, if i'm alone, i usually start to cry. for me, that's how i know. when i look down before i take a shower and i don't see breasts and i see a penis where i feel one shouldn't be, i get this feeling i really can't describe other than what i explained above. when people tell me "you look so big and strong, you should be a football player!", i feel just plain totally crushed. they're just being nice and polite of course, but that stuff hurts a lot. i could go on about this stuff, but i don't really wanna sit here and act like my life is the worst. i don't wanna play the victim. i don't wanna make people feel bad for me.
what i do want to do is share my experience with a wider group of people that the 10-15 friends that i've told online. i'm not ready to come out irl or anything yet because i live in a very conservative environment any my safety comes first. i'm only 16, and i don't wanna end up on the streets or anything. it's easier to just lie and push through these next few years until i'm on my own.
idk i'll probably delete this in a couple days because i get paranoid about irl friends finding my smogon / ps! stuff, so we'll see... i just wanted to share this because i feel like i should, and it feels good to tell people c:
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyye!i just stumbled upon this thread and it seems nice, so uhm hi!
i haven't really talked to too many people in general about this, but i'm a (pre-everything) transgender girl. i've felt like this for pretty much my whole life, but my case is kinda odd compared to most other transgender people, which is why i've been pretty doubtful up until recently. that and i'm only 16, so i've been thinking this is just a phase, it'll change when i get older, i don't really feel this way, etc.; i'm not the type of person to really jump the gun on things, and i'm not the type of person to want to find a label to stick on me just to be unique or for attention or whatever. actually, i get pretty upset with those people. now that that's out of the way, here's my little "experience":
i'm not like a lot of other transgirls in the sense where i'd always go for the more traditionally feminine option when given the chance. i didn't hang around with the girls exclusively in primary and middle school. i guess you could say i don't feel traditionally girly. however, i never felt traditionally masculine either. i never liked sports, i didn't like doing wild, traditional "boy" things, and a lot of my hobbies tended to be things that were more "in the middle" of masculine and feminine. for quite awhile i thought i was thinking those thoughts (about being transgender and all) because i wasn't like the other young boys. this made a lot of sense... i didn't really feel like a girl or want to be a girl, i just thought i was because i wasn't like the other boys. i mean my experiences are so much different than those i read about, so i had to be wrong about all this, right?
well... that's where i kinda differ. i did do the stuff you always hear about trans girls doing when they were young like sneaking around and putting on my mom's dresses and heels and makeup and whatever, thinking about how nice it'd be to do that girly stuff like paint my nails, go to the salon, having nice long hair, wearing pretty clothes, etc., but it wasn't as big of a thing for me as it was for all these other young trans girls that i'd hear about online. i'd watch these videos to see if my experiences matched their's to see if i was really what i thought i was.
for me, it wasn't those things. for me it was looking in the mirror and not seeing me. it's really as simple as that in my experience. i'll look in the mirror and see a boy with a beard and all these masculine features and stuff and i'll just kinda freak out on the inside. i get butterflies in my stomach, i get really anxious, and then, if i'm alone, i usually start to cry. for me, that's how i know. when i look down before i take a shower and i don't see breasts and i see a penis where i feel one shouldn't be, i get this feeling i really can't describe other than what i explained above. when people tell me "you look so big and strong, you should be a football player!", i feel just plain totally crushed. they're just being nice and polite of course, but that stuff hurts a lot. i could go on about this stuff, but i don't really wanna sit here and act like my life is the worst. i don't wanna play the victim. i don't wanna make people feel bad for me.
what i do want to do is share my experience with a wider group of people that the 10-15 friends that i've told online. i'm not ready to come out irl or anything yet because i live in a very conservative environment any my safety comes first. i'm only 16, and i don't wanna end up on the streets or anything. it's easier to just lie and push through these next few years until i'm on my own.
idk i'll probably delete this in a couple days because i get paranoid about irl friends finding my smogon / ps! stuff, so we'll see... i just wanted to share this because i feel like i should, and it feels good to tell people c:
is something as silly as genderfucked really on the level that it can be considered a slur?Common acceptance of slurs (and creative ones like... "genderfucked") are a big reason I'm going to assume ignorance from a peer...
It's more something that someone who is ostensibly "genderfucked" might not appreciate. I've only actually heard it once from someone who happened to be a cis drag queen, which all in all comes off as pretty offensive/ignorant, especially from a GSA circle which had trouble repeatedly deadnaming and misgendering a member a while after they came out...is something as silly as genderfucked really on the level that it can be considered a slur?
yeah, it's not necessarily as harmful as a slur (depending on the person and situation, that is) but it's definitely an assholish term to use. i personally wouldn't mind "genderfucked" in most situations, but i'm pretty resilient when it comes to such things; i can think of some people who would have issues with it.It's more something that someone who is ostensibly "genderfucked" might not appreciate. I've only actually heard it once from someone who happened to be a cis drag queen, which all in all comes off as pretty offensive/ignorant, especially from a GSA circle which had trouble repeatedly deadnaming and misgendering a member a while after they came out...
i really don't get where you're coming from with this, but i think that's just me not understanding that kind of thing in general, lol.It's more something that someone who is ostensibly "genderfucked" might not appreciate. I've only actually heard it once from someone who happened to be a cis drag queen, which all in all comes off as pretty offensive/ignorant, especially from a GSA circle which had trouble repeatedly deadnaming and misgendering a member a while after they came out...