RPSI Doubles, round 1

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aamto

aamto

on whom the three Fates smile
let the games begin! Refer back here for the rules!

Bracket <-- sexy hand-drawn bracket

for the lazy:

BIG BALLS BUDDHA (Brain/Shiv) vs QUAZE (earthworm/billymills)
baked and stoned (cookie/fm) vs PROIBIDO MERGULHAR (Doomsday/misaki-chi)

Technicolour Dreamboat (aamto/fishin) vs Sidecar (Toothache/pookar)
Hipmonlee/DP-Crobat vs our pants could be tighter (evan/Jackal)

for the unaware, thunda and dak have dropped out of the tournament for other reasons. The one and only Captain, Captkirby, 2nd place in the first tournament, will be taking over judging duties for thunda.

PMs to me. I feel we're all responsible enough to get the weapons in a reasonable sort of time. 48 hours sounds good, though.

Best of luck and get the imaginations cookin'.

edit: Toothache/pookar should pm Captkirby (on the forums) with their choices. Me and Fishin will do the same.

edit2: on my honour, none of the submissions will be looked at until I myself send in my own weapon
 
he's calling you out hip/fm.

edit:

[00:54:42] <Broolucks> ok give me one word in all caps
[00:55:00] <Broolucks> make that two words actually
[00:56:40] <Shiv> BIG BALLS
[00:56:57] <Broolucks> BIG BALLS BUDDHA
[00:56:59] <Broolucks> that's our team name
[00:57:11] <Broolucks> my second word was MEGAZORD but I don't know how to fit it
 
ok i'm subbing fm out for Isy (yes ladies and gents, the (BAN ME PLEASE) is back!) for general inactivity.

goddamn stoners.

insert fights.

Fight 1
team 1 (0/3) votes
doomsday with flippers and gills (cookie)
+
Half Cyborg, Half Flesh Eating STD infected Britney Spears with Medusa's weave on her head (isy)
vs
team 2 (3/3 votes; winner)
Portal to Boatland (a land in which boats cannot leave people). (Doomsday)
+
user: brain encased in soft pink fluff and powered by a battery charged by the energy drained from antimatter/matter collision and the resulting annihilation, with surprising elasticity and a tendency to combust spontaneously only to reassemble itself into a tower of 2x4 lego bricks (Misaki-chi)

Fight 2
team 1 (3/3 votes; winner)
Walmart owned and run by communists (aamto)
+
User Tangerine wielding a futuristic ray gun powered by nerdiness (Fishin)
vs
team 2 (0/3)
a chinese penguin with a crown and water gun (pookar)
+
A vampire Venomoth that verily victimises and vindicates vivisection by vaulting vastly via Victoria Falls (picture included!) (Toothache)
vampirevenomoth.jpg


Fight 3
team 1 (0/3 votes)
60 Ghetto Black Chicks (reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCdmiZyyGjQ) (Jackal)
+
'rabid red wings fans with a cooler of octopi' (evan)
vs
team 2 (3/3 votes;winner)
The only homeless man in an Almost Utopia who has 8 fingers and 7 (DP-Crobat)
toes.
+
beats so funky even my prosthetic toes are tapping (Hipmonlee)

Fight 4
team 1 (3/3 votes; winner)
LASER BOWSER (Brain)
laserbowseranimfaster.gif

+
A life-size replica of Misaki-chi with a button on her forehead with the words "PRESS ME" written on it in nice friendly letters (Shiv)
vs
team 2 (0/3)
wormbot (Earthworm)
+
The Jamaican national hockey team. (billymills)

judging should happen sometime in the future probably. Respective judges who are playing obviously know which one is their own (and obviously cannot judge that one). I am playing, and know exactly how submitted what. If you want me to reveal that for whatever reason, just tell me!
 
Ok, I think from now on our team should be named "team toe fetish"

Judgement #1
Fight 2
Setting: China
The local wallmart administrator, Pillowrath, has an ethical dilemma. He wishes to sell a new range of lazers, recently shipped in from Korea. However, these lazers have not been proven safe for children. He feels the only solution is to test them himself, but his only possible testing subject is the neighbourhood penguin, who works as the fire safety officer at the local Burgerking. Pillowrath knew he would feel guilty testing these devices on animals, until a Venomoth appeared, and instead of assisting his friend the penguin, he told Pillowrath that he needn't worry about the harm caused to animals, as the animals would know the harm they endure is for the good of the state.

Winner: Wallmart + Lazers

Have a nice day.
 
Judgement #2
Fight 1
Setting: Doomsdays undersea laboratory, after global warming has caused the oceans to rise, covering all the worlds dry land.
After succesfully using stem cells to allow the human race to survive under water (for the price of their immortal souls), Professor Doomsday (aided by his assistant Alper), plans an even greater experiment. Unfortunately it is particularly scientific and boring and even if I explained it here you wouldnt understand, and you probably wouldnt even bother to finish reading the description. But just at the moment of Doomsday's triumph, it all goes horribly wrong, and Doomsday inadvertantly opens a portal to Boatland.
"Noooo" Doomsday cries, as he realises his folly. He could have just lived on a boat and kept his humanity! And now that he cant survive above water any more, this portal is useless. Oh the irony!

Winner: Portal + that other thing

Have a nice day.
 
following hip's format!

Judgment 1
Fight 1

Setting: Hogwarts

Doomsday had no idea what to do for the second event of tri-wizard championship. His BFF Hazerider was trapped under the lake, held captive by merpeople. What could he do now? His loyal follower Brain (who was a bit of a wuss and wore fluffy pink stuff that was extremely elastic) had an idea. GILLYWEED! Brain gave Doomsday some gillyweed and soon Doomsday had gills and flippers. He saved Hazerider and won the triwizarding cup. But little did he know that the cup was a portkey...... .. ....... . to boatland. As soon as Doomsday picked up the cup, he was transported to boatland. Brain was holding onto Doomsday's left pinky toe, so he went to boatland as well.

The tremendous weight of these two combined caused something no one had predicted. There was a huge temporal rift created which cause the collision of matter and anti-matter and released tremendous amounts of energy. Brain absorbed all of this energy while the world as he knew it was destroyed. The only place unaffected was boatland. As soon as Doomsday and Brain got to boatland, they realized someone else had survived.

BRITNEY SPEARS. Yes, she was there. Somehow she'd got more implants and now she was half-cyborg. She was otherwise unchanged. She still ate flesh, had every STD imaginable and had Medusa's weave on her head. As soon as he saw her, Brain was extremely aroused and spontaneously combusted. His tremendous power allowed him to reassemble as a tower of lego brick, but he was not useful to his master Doomsday anymore.

Doomsday realized that he had to do this himself. He was glad he had flippers and gills now and had much more mobility than Britney who was stuck on a boat. Britney tried to petrify Doomsday but he dove underwater and found a Mirror Shield. He used this to reflect Britney's terrible gaze back at her and turned her into stone. Now, Doomsday could use her as much as he wanted and lived happily ever after.

Or so he thought.. Brain had secretly built himself a new body and was now as strong as Galactus. He wanted Britney for himself. He defeated Doomsday with a single pinky toe and thus reigned supreme. Britney was all his!

Winner: Brain + portal to boatland
 
===========================================
Fight 2
Walmart owned and run by communists
User Tangerine wielding a futuristic ray gun powered by nerdiness
vs
a chinese penguin with a crown and water gun
A vampire Venomoth that verily victimises and vindicates vivisection by vaulting vastly via Victoria Falls


We are in 1979 and the cold war is raging between the United States of America and the Soviet Union. In the wake of the Soviet Union's recent conquest of Zimbabwe, the USA decided to appeal to their greatest allies: Chinese penguins, the last bastion of ruthless capitalism in China. And thus Prince Fastbeak the fifth son of King Iceberg was sent to Zambia armed with a water gun in order to take down all of the communist outposts in the neighbouring Zimbabwe.

The first target was, evidently, the Red Walmart on the other side of Victoria Falls. Of course, penguins cannot fly, but Prince Fastbeak had the solution. He travelled to the nearest village, a place called VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVvvvvvv where vampire Venomoths lived. After describing to them the generous amount of blood that communists were stocking at Red Walmart as well as the quality of communist blood, it became obvious to the beasts in VvvvvvvvvvvvvVVVVVVVVVVV that a swift alliance this strange penguin was in order. Thus they sent the royal heir Prince Vladimir along with him.

Using Prince Vladimir's unique vaulting abilities, the courageous team leaped across Victoria Falls and found themselves in vicinity of their primary target, the Red Walmart. Run by communism, not only was every employee equal, every product they sold was equal as well: everything ranging from cereals, toilet paper and jeans to washing machines and baking ovens were priced identically. The first attack against the establishment was a great success: while Prince Vladimir would drain the blood of every employee he could catch, Prince Fastbeak would buy a pack of cigarettes and a sofa for one dollar and ninety-nine dollars respectively instead of fifty and fifty, thereby upsetting the delicate balance of equal pricing.

Panicked by this turn of events (especially about the vampire killing their men), the employees of Red Walmart unanimously decided that it was time to call in their greatest allies for help: nerds. The greatest allies of communism were nerds because it was the only system where nerds were equals to everybody else (much to everybody else's dismay). The nerds sent their ultimate weapon: a Korean nerd who would name himself Tangerine, armed with a futuristic ray gun powered by nerdiness. As soon as he was face to face with Prince Vladimir, Tangerine thought of Touhou very hard. The resulting blast reduced the Venomoth to a pulp. Suddenly, he felt a warm, wet feeling around the crotch area. Thinking he peed himself, he felt a surge of embarrassment. He shouldn't have drunk so much crab juice... but it was so cheap here... however, the nearest communist employee pointed out King Fastbeak tiptoeing away with his empty water gun, no doubt intending to refill it with cheap crab juice. Tangerine immediately asked himself how well this penguin would fare in the competitive metagame and swiftly finished him off with a push of a trigger.

Winners:
Walmart owned and run by communists
User Tangerine wielding a futuristic ray gun powered by nerdiness

===========================================

I'll judge fight 3 next.
 
Fight 2
The Americans thought the Cold War was no longer extant. They grew complacent, happy with residing in their festering corporate concrete jungles. The Communists had secretly infiltrated one Wal-Mart in a lonely corner of Wyoming, a place no one cared about. Tangerine, too scared to speak out when confronted upon entry to the Wal-Mart with death or joining the Communists, readily pledged his gun to the cause. To show their still great might, they executed a Chinese penguin, crushing it via guillotine and laughing with glee as its tyrannical crown fell tinkling to the floor, and then stealing its piddling water gun and giving it to members of the proletariat. Next they victimized a pitifully obsessed with alliteration Venomoth by burning it alive.

Winner: Wal-Mart + shitty Tangerine weapon

Fight 3
The Red Wings fans were furious. Yet another season of fans disrespecting them for being the best modern hockey team. They had leftover octopi from the game because their arms were too weak, and they knew that they would not reach the rink with their octopi. They were pretty weak. Kind of like the video about best 60 ghetto names, most of which were very weak. The Red Wings fans, however, were bequeathed yet another Stanley Cup. Satisfied, they turned to the internet and were distracted by dumb youtube videos (reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCdmiZyyGjQ). Meanwhile, the last homeless man in China, which had flourished under 21st century capitalism posturing in the name of Communism, heard such beautiful, funky string music, that his prosthetic toes (he lost 3 fingers and 2 toes in the war to subjugate the United States) began uncontrollably tapping. Taking sympathy on this foolish, enthusiastic knave, he was given the most money of his life on that day (unlike the wasteful Red Wing fans and penniless youtube fools).
Winner: the toe duo

Fight 4
Using his incredible hacking skilled, honed in the lonely hours he spent before meeting jumpluff, Earthworm for some reason directed his anti-laser code through his internet relay chat, wormbot. Bereft of its lasers, the Jamaican national hockey team thought that they could potentially defeat Bowser. What they failed to realize was that the lasers were to distract everyone from the fact that Bowser is a fucking terrible monster, portrayed incorrectly in Mario games as always losing. As the unstoppable beast that he is, he ate all the Jamaicans, crushed Earthworm and his computer in one fell blow, and then tied Lady Jumpluff to the roof for good measure, as everyone likes a princess in peril.
Winner: Laser Bowser + the terrible jumpluff weapon
 
Judgment 2
Fight 4

Setting: World hockey championships finals held in Montreal, Canada.

The finals of the world hockey championships. It's the koopas, lead by none other than Bowser himself vs. the Jamaican national hockey team lead by Jumpman (who knew black people could skate?). Two teams no one thought would even qualify. Both teams have performed ridiculously well till now, let's see how this goes. Both teams' mascots cheer them on. For Bowser it's a blow up doll of Misaki-chi, the most sought after woman in poké-history after angelbunni89 and GaleonGirl. While cheering for the Jamaicans is wormbot, the inferior robot created by Earthworm in his pitiful attempt to replicate Misty.

And so it begins. Koopas kick off (or whatever the fuck they do in hockey). What's this? A fight is breaking out. It seems Bowser has been offended by Jumpman when he said "Yo, good luck 'mon!". Bowser lets out a roar and decides to use his secret weapon. His LASER. Rumor has it that this is the most powerful laser in this world with an energy output of 35 megajoules. Bowser vaporizes all the Jamaicans, the whole stadium, the rest of Canada, and even bot. He flies off on his HOVERBOARD. Looks like the koopas win.

Winner: Laser bowser + the misaki-chi thing
 
Judgin

Fight 1

Doomsday is just an average Portuguese man: he has a fast donkey, cleans pools at 3am, and cannot swim. Since he cleans pools for living, yet cannot swim, he lives in a dangerous line of work, so he genetically modified himself to grant his being gills. Now he'll never drown...and he can go swimming with all the hot Portuguese belly dancers, too! This means he can also get off the boat, by simply jumping and swimming to shore. No need to talk to some stupid NPC. The boat was conquered. He was ready for his ultimate challenge: entering the portal to Boatland, a land in which boats cannot leave people. Just before he entered, he had his sidekick, Britney Spears, tie a rope around his waste.

"If I tug 3 times, it means to pull me out. Boats can't leave people, but people can leave boats."

Little did he know that Brit had undergone some modifications as well, turning her into a half human, half cyborg. This gave her the super-human strength necessary to pull Doomers out (cause he's fat).

Entering Boatland, Doomsday saw nothing but the vast expanse of boats...not in the ocean, but on the backs of people. The boats cannot leave them, nor can the people leave the boats. It was double hell, and just then a boat lunged out and attacked Doomsday, attaching itself to him.

"BRITNEY HELP ME! HELP ME BRIT!"

But Doomsday underestimated Boatland, a land in which boats muffle your screams. Doomsday's plea fell on deaf, wooden ears and the boat severed the rope. Now Doomsday has to walk around forever with a boat, the very boat he had left earlier in his life, on his back. Doomsday was so upset. So he talked to fellow user Brain, who had somehow been trapped in Boatland as well. Brain agreed to help Doomsday...

"I'll help you. I'll help all of us ^_^ Just give me a hug!"

Doomsday gives him a hug, and when he goes to pat Brain's back, he pats this soft pink fluff...which causes a chain reaction and destroys all of Boatland. Doomsday was gone, but the fluff then reformed itself in Lego format. The legos then built another boat. And so the cycle continues...

Winner: Portal + Brain stuff

note: Fight 1 and 2 have had winners decided. No need to judge em anymore.
 
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