I didn't notice before that both our randoms were negative. There's a shocker...
Nunu actually wasn't that bad, rather Taric/Vayne were just terrible. (You can tell because I of all people went 8-0 as the AD carry!) Half of those kills were from: Taric stuns me while Vayne is on the complete opposite side of the lane, she scrambles to follow up on his stun anyway, Nunu Flashes in and channels ult, Vayne is too stupid to Condemn him immediately and they lose 60% of their health every. Single. Time. Easy clean up from there. Synre was later telling me that apparently one of them was gold and the other was platinum too xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD wtf
STORY OF NEW TRIUMPH
Typical late-night Dominion lolsoloqueueing. Hit a rough patch where I keep getting queued with the same retards over and over, losing every time of course. Pure tank Leona?
No problem! Let's DIVE HER ON THE WINDMILL OVER AND OVER AND OVER, TAKING 200 YEARS TO KILL HER IF WE DO AT ALL WHILE THE REST OF THEIR TEAM HAS TIME TO REZ TWICE, ZERG ALL OUR OTHER NODES TO DEATH AND STILL COME KILL US AT WINDMILL BEFORE NEUTRALIZING IT (let alone capturing it) IS EVEN A CONCERN. Glass cannon Kog'maw (as if I had to qualify that) within dick-touching range? Better
nerf Irelia keep attacking this Leona who is at a mere
60% health! Jesus god damn fucking CHRIST, why do people not just fucking
listen?
Well, clearly this must be the secret to getting out of this funk.
I will try this out, build pure tank and just sit on the fucking windmill all day and act as the retard magnet that will allow the rest of my team to clean up everything and lead to an easy win. Sounds simple, right? Now I've never played Cho'gath before in Dominion. It seems dumb usually, Chou can't keep stacks in the fast-paced environment and so it kills the tankiness that makes him so great in SR. Well, I figure I'm gonna be building pure tank... didn't really want to play Singed since he's so ult-dependent, Cho is the next best thing! Cho also has two AoE attacks to stop multiple guys just chain-capping because you can't autoattack them fast enough to prevent them from neutralizing the point with you still alive.
Wait a few minutes trying to avoid queueing back up with the same idiots again... Success! I state my intentions in the pre-game chat since somebody was acting interested in my plan. Pick Cho'gath, Garrison/Ghost good to go... loading screen comes and I realize
we don't have a fucking bottom laner. The rest of my team consists of Jarvan, Eve, Poppy and LeBlanc. i.e. NOT EVEN CLOSE TO RESEMBLING ANYBODY THAT CAN HANDLE BOTTOM LANE IN THE SLIGHTEST. Predictably,
I am forced to bottom lane. I can't very well be in two places at once, so of course this means my entire plan is thrown out the fucking window.
Guess who I get to bot again? Fucking Yorick. Overpowered fucking asshole (BAN ME PLEASE)
Yorick. Hey, I wouldn't mind it on SR. Well it fucking
blows on Dominion. Fewer minions means no sustain for me, stronger minions means I can't just clear the wave with Rupture/Scream to counterpush and I get completely rolled. After a couple deaths I say fuck it, just go top (which we mostly possessed) and temporarily re-enact my plan but that doesn't work anyway because Yorick is completely unstoppable in the bottom half of the map (and circling around to our mid since there was no concerted effort to take it back from him). Meanwhile I get to spend the entire game being berated by fucking mouthbreathing Jarvan about how fucking bad a Cho'gath I am because I "should" beat Yorick and I want to punch his face in like he's an AP Shaco. Yeah, well he scored last so fuck him. Not that score means anything to the learned but it lets the other retards know he was the baddest of them all.
Welp... wait another five minutes before re-queueing to find some fresh blood. END UP WITH TWO OF THE SAME RETARDS I WAS TRYING TO DODGE FROM THE FIRST TWO GAMES.
AND THEY ARE JANNA AND KARMA! Should just dodge and fucking quit for the night but you know, I'm just gonna fucking have some fun with this and troll right along with them. No expectation of winning to begin with, so I don't have to be angry when we lose... Two supports? More it is! Go, Tarique! Carry these support champions to victory! Amusingly, the remaining two join in as Soraka and Sona. Taric and his harem of support babes is ready to rock and roll!
Indeed, the match was as uncompetitive as expected. What I didn't expect was that I would be on the winning side of it! Soraka pretty much manhandled Ahri bottom, taking two early kills (plus their bottom node) and snowballing that into manhandling anyone else that dared challenge her. I started out 7/0 up top as MIGHTY, POWERFUL TARIQUE and we handily owned the windmill for the vast majority of the game. Would've been like a 450-0 stomp but eventually they zerged top hard enough to take it for a bit. Eventually we just took their bottom and traded it back for the windmill for the rest of the game.
Oh, and that's the Leona that was in the first two games. Still pure tank... I made a joke at the beginning of the game that she could build pure offense and still never die considering our team comp. :P Pro zero kills useless bitch, too bad your team never managed to get a third point to make defending useful... Next time, try to leave a dent.