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so this is gonna be very unexpected from the people that aren't close to me whether that be irl or my online friends but ive been indifferent about who i am and what i choose to identify as for about like 1-2 years now ish? its always been a reoccuring thought in the back of my head but ive just brushed it off and chosen to focus on what i thought was more important stuff but in reality although it wasnt rlly visible if you know me personally i was always considering it and always thinking about it every so often but never really showed it to anyone, but im identifying as non-binary from now on or for short enby, it makes me feel a lot more comfortable being this gender and it makes me feel a lot better emotionally and mentally, although im still in the indecisive grey area about my sexuality i know for certain that im non binary, i just thought id come here and open up so i can be one with myself and who i choose to be, it'll be a long while before i tell my parents though and im honestly scared to do so but i hope itll get more easier as time goes on, thank you all <3
Not an update but I'd like to bring attention to what's going on in Turkey and remind that anti-LGBT belief systems are still very much in power especially in the west Asian, Middle Eastern, and African countries where it's still illegal(Morocco can jail you for -suspected- homosexuality, that can be 4 years in prison if you survive that long.) Even in Latin America it is constitutionally banned in some countries(Venezuela, Bolivia, Guyana, and Paraguay)
While we have so much more growth we need in the US I am very glad I can say despite living in a rural southern area, the threat against my life is very low compared to being gay in many other countries in modern day. This is still a very modern and atrocious fact of life that our rights are barely existent, Poland banned gays in 1/3rd of the country in 2019 which was just 2 years ago.
We need to fight for all LGBT people, as easy as it is to get caught up in the all-engrossing all-about-me US politics, it's pretty fucking sad that we have more rights than a lot of other countries in the world but the LGBT members who have to live in fear that if their identity gets out into the wrong person's hands(even their own family) they can be threatened with abandonment, years of jail time, or even death through strangers or family(idt you need me to tell you how fucked honor killings are).
No real goal writing this besides trying to spread more awareness, it's very easy to get distracted with nearby issues but so many LGBT people have been ignored when many are in situations where their entire life is at jeopardy simply because they don't fit what their culture says they should be. It's only going to get worse if it isn't constantly brought into the spotlight, culture doesn't change on its own and this isn't really something small enough scale that individual people can risk their life to change on their own.
I've been following this. Bogazici is my alma mater, and I have several friends who are still there. About 200 people were detained in the last 3 days, but protests are still continuing. It's sad to see it and be on the other side of the world and not be able to do anything.
To commemorate my 100th post on Smogon (I want that name change), I wanted to out myself as trans.
For nearly ten years, from like even pre-high school until several months ago, I knew something was up. I knew that my body just didn't match up with the person I wanted to be. I eventually stumbled upon the topic of trans people after reading about different surgeries (I was a weird kid and wanted to be a surgeon growing up). Maybe subconsciously, I thought that being trans could be a possibility and could be the reason for my feelings.
I just started reading. I used to read the Wikipedia page for 'Transgender' and wish that woman was me. I used to read up on every intersex condition, hoping that I'd fit one of the criteria. That way I'd have some validating reason for my own feelings about myself. I used to read about gender confirmation surgery, maybe as a means for telling myself the future was a possibility.
I never really let these feelings come to the forefront though and I never talked to anyone about it or did anything. I think I had this underlying fear that maybe my loved ones would reject and abandon me. I thought that I'd be able to keep those feelings locked away forever. I don't think I ever allowed myself to have an emotional breakthrough. I'd have these recurrent depressive episodes that I just couldn't explain. I just kept all these feelings repressed and thought that I'd never need to do anything about them.
That is until last December when I was working in an emergency department (the A+E, for our colonial friends). The patient was a transman that had attempted to kill himself after coming out as trans and his parents rejecting him. The attending doctor I was with was had been a family friend for many years. The doc was talking outside the room about how hard it can be for trans people. He wrote in the nursing notes to use male pronouns for the patient. Something in me just completely cracked. Maybe it was my subconscious trying to say "you can be who you want and be accepted". (As an aside, the patient ended up fine and had a short stay in a voluntary psych unit. I'm now friends with him on Facebook, even if he doesn't remember who I am. Everything is looking so bright for him.)
I eventually got off work and had an emotional breakdown in my car. All these thoughts and memories came pouring out of my subconscious. Memories I didn't even mention; even some of my earliest thoughts were wanting to be a girl. Kind of as a way to reaffirm myself, I looked up these amazing transformations on r/transtimelines. Stuff like r/egg_irl became too real. I had many more emotional breakdowns and eventually came out to my family. They loved and supported me (though one set of grandparents may be a different story). The first person I actually came out to was a certain favorite person on PS (she likely knows who she is). I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood and got started on hormones two months later.
One day this past May, I had a rare lunch break and decided to go on a walk through this park near the hospital. The sun was shining, there was this flowing creek, and everything was so serene. Everything was just so comfortable and something about it confirmed "everything is going to be okay". Everything is looking up.
I just wanted to make an update/reflection post. This might kind of melt into a venting or depression post so feel free to just skip around. My brain is fried rn from studying and it's like 1 AM when I'm writing this, so this is probs scattered af. It gets super sappy too, so be warned. I'll give a content warning though regarding depressive thoughts with suicidal ideations, and attempted suicide (not me).
On February 20th, 2019, I started taking estradiol and spironolactone. It's been exactly two years. I had my yearly follow-up appointment two days ago, and I got moved up to max dose estradiol (I didn't know they go up to 8 mg daily!), as well as started progesterone. It's made me reflect on where I've been over the past two years and what's happened; what's changed. I've been through a lot over the past two years. Things have been pretty damn rough, but it's been worth every single moment.
Prior to my egg cracking and me starting hormones, nothing was real; to me at least. I remember once off-roading out into the desert once and flipping my car onto it's side. It just... didn't even register with me that I could have died. I got in another car accident the next year, this time due to icy conditions. My car slipped literally in between traffic headed in the opposite way at 70 mph. I probably would have died, but I just... didn't care. Just... nothing mattered. I wanted to get to the end as fast as possible. I didn't make any friends; I didn't do anything; I didn't have interests. I just wanted things to end.
I wasn't outwardly depressed, but I didn't share anything with anyone. If I did try to open up, I'd risk showing somebody this thing about myself I couldn't let them know. I was already in a fragile and ostracized position; I didn't want to make it even worse. But I couldn't bring myself to continue existing. Just as ancient Sicilian sailors found themselves trapped between the wind-tattered cliffs of Scylla and the raging whirlpool of Charybdis, an impasse had been reached. There was no continuing. Everything just... stopped.
I didn't do anything for a year and a half. I worked and stuff; just... nothing happened. I hid away a whole lot.
Things really sucked.
I feel really sorry for my past self. She was a super anxiouscloseted trans girl. She had a lot of issues going on and she couldn't tell anyone about it. She couldn't tell people who she was or who she wanted to be. She was really scared and wanted things to end. She felt like the world was better off without her and she didn't deserve to be there. She felt like she couldn't trust telling anyone about this part of her. Nothing mattered to her. I'm really proud of her though.
Like I mentioned in the other post, a transgender man was brought in to the emergency department after attempting to kill himself back in December 2018. He attempted suicide about a week after he was kicked out of his parent's house for being transgender. The doc I was working with had a medical student with him that evening and they both discussed the man with the utmost respect. I was listening in and I felt like I'd be accepted, for the first time in my life. I didn't really know how to process it. I left work that night, went home, and thought; a lot. This thought that I could be accepted just kept running through my mind. It just kept going and going.
The next week, I was working with a different emergency room doc that was treating another transgender patient for something unrelated. Outside of the room, away from the ear-shot of the patient, THAT doctor began talking shit about the patient being transgender. He said all sorts of bigoted shit about transgender people. I felt viscerally offended by the shit this doctor was saying. Like this is a doctor treating a human being like they're sub-human? Go fuck yourself. The nurses nor the mid-level said anything. They weren't saying they agreed with him, but they weren't saying he was wrong. I wasn't exactly one to be able to immediately speak my mind in an organized fashion (kinda goes hand-in-hand with suffering from anxiety), so I didn't say anything. I went home really angry that day, but I started looking up transgender resources.
I learned about informed consent clinics and Planned Parenthood (absolutely amazing place, please go there if you can). I learned about how long it takes hormones to take effect. I had r/transtimelines bookmarked (I didn't actually believe I could look like them one day, but somehow, just maybe, I hoped I could). My first free day happened to be either Christmas Eve or the day before Christmas Eve, but I went in to Planned Parenthood to make a consultation appointment. The receptionist there was actually the first person I ever told I was "seeking LGBTQ resources" (dude I was so scared lmao). I had a consultation in January to make sure this was right. I had another appointment in February to get blood work done. I got started on hormones a week later, yada yada yada, and here we are.
Before I start the next section, I wanted to give some advice. If you ever feel like something is just "not right" or "the way it's supposed to be", please talk to somebody. It can be your identity, your body, your gender, your sexuality, stuff going on in your head, your depression, your anxieties, your fears, your future, your hopes and dreams. Just anything. It's okay to cry. Just try to be as honest as you feel comfortable; it's okay to trust people. It can be a friend, a family member, a therapist, a random counselor; just anybody that's willing to listen and accept you for who you are. Things can be better. The one thing that I wish I could go back and do when I was younger is to force myself to talk to just some person that's willing to listen about things going on in my head. You are worth it. You can be accepted.
The past two years have been one hell of a journey. I've come out to family. I've come out to friends. I've come out to co-workers. I've come out to strangers. I've been accepted. I've been rejected. I've had my first boyfriend. I've had my first break-up. I've cried. I've been depressed. I've laughed a lot. I've smiled. I've connected with people. I've learned. I've been able to give advice to other people. I've been able to accept advice from other people. I've been able to see things from others perspectives. I've learned things about myself (like how anxious I am lol). I've made my first friends. I've made my first best friends. I've made my first friend groups. I've traveled out of the country. I've traveled across the country. I've gone out and done things on my own. I hiked up a mountain (which was really cool). I attended Seattle Pride (which was really super unbelievably cool). I've started liking things. I've started trying things (things can be really awesome!). I did really well in a class I worked really hard in. I've started nursing school. I have plans for the future. I've met my first girlfriend (she's so great and I really love her).
I've grown up a lot in the past two years. This time has shown me that things in life are capable of being really good. I've been through a lot, but I'm excited for what's going to happen next.
I really want to thank the Smogon LGBTQ crew, PokéPride, and just everyone for everything they've done. You guys are so fantastic and have helped me feel like I can be accepted as a part of a community. Also shout-outs to the Krooks. You guys are so gay and awesome. Have a good day all! You guys are great!
Tl;dr: affordable health care saves lives; access to hormones saves lives; create accepting environments; listen to people and please talk to people. You matter.
Does anyone have advice on buying wigs? What kinds are simplest to maintain / wear for beginners, where to look, measurements... (?) Been thinking about it for a while now but haven't done it mostly just due to being a cheapskate.
Does anyone have advice on buying wigs? What kinds are simplest to maintain / wear for beginners, where to look, measurements... (?) Been thinking about it for a while now but haven't done it mostly just due to being a cheapskate.
Honestly I recommend just getting cheap wigs with decent quality, and replacing them every few months. Good wigs are FAR too expensive and don't hold up too much longer anyway.
Not an update but I'd like to bring attention to what's going on in Turkey and remind that anti-LGBT belief systems are still very much in power especially in the west Asian, Middle Eastern, and African countries where it's still illegal(Morocco can jail you for -suspected- homosexuality, that can be 4 years in prison if you survive that long.) Even in Latin America it is constitutionally banned in some countries(Venezuela, Bolivia, Guyana, and Paraguay)
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna#6181 ty :)
edit: as you can see we figured it out, thanks everyone so far for the support :)
edit edit: i decided to detransition, thanks to everyone that was close to me and supported me <3
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna#2345 ty :) ( yeah, its also taken on cord so i have to use the emoji :( ) (looks like smogon doesnt include emojis, ill figure something out later ups) reedit: ill just include an image of my tag, im also on smogtours if you wanna find me somewhere in public
hiya :) been meaning to post here for a little while and i'm having some trouble sleeping so i think it'd be nice to get this off my chest with more of my smogon friends
long story:
backstory: sooo, i've always felt very disconnected with the whole concept of dating and, i guess, um, sex? society being very amatonormative [1] and allonormative [2] always made me struggle to fit in, and made me think i was broken because i never could connect with the concept of, ya know, doing allosexual things... of course, as a kid i forced myself into a few situations i didn't want to be in, such as going out on parties or drinking mostly in the hopes to end up with someone (which of course, never panned out), kissing a girl i very clearly didn't want to, and lying about my romantic and sexual experiences (or lack thereof) to blend in more with my peers, et cetera. and i would always feel very deeply sad, and worthless, it didn't help i didn't have many (if any) friends, for a lot of my adolescence, and while things never got too horrible, i still never was proud or happy with my lack of involvement in romantic and sexual activities compared to my friends.
flash forward a few years, a bit over an year ago, to be exact, and i see this video from anthony padilla, on his wonderful "i spent a day with" series [3] wherein he interviews and talks with asexual people. it was awesome seeing their community and i felt a lot of compassion, but i definitely didn't think i was one of them at all. you see, as a kid i've always desired doing allo things and being with other people and all of that, so clearly i couldn't be ace ("boy was i wrong")! but i still kept that term in the back of my head... just in case...
later that same year of 2020, when i returned to my hometown, i started to reconnect my friendship w my stepbrother, who happens to be trans, as well as getting closer to many smogon friends who fall under the lgbtq+ umbrella. wanting to be a good ally for them, i started doing more and more research on lgbtq+ terms, and watching videos talking of such topics. and eventually, now in 2021, there came a day when i remembered that "asexual" term i pinned somewhere in my brain an year ago. i started to rethink how much i "didn't really fit in", as i thought when i first watched anthony padilla's video.
a sexual story: i winded up on reddit's r/asexuality [4] and i was starting to get more comfortable with picturing myself as ace. and then, i stumbled upon a part of their faq, with statements of allosexuals describing sexual attraction, and i was shocked. i realised that simply looking at someone and thinking "hmm, i guess they're kinda hot?" wasn't really sexual attraction, i had no idea. it became as clear as day i was asexual, i never in my life had sexual thoughts about, well, anyone! so that's how i got my first identity, i was a cis, heteroromantic asexual, or so i thought?
a tall task, but not a tall story: i was very happy with my discovery, it took some courage, but i ended up coming out to my stepbrother, whom i knew would be completely accepting, but it was still very hard to work up the courage to do it, in the end, i came out, he was incredibly supportive and accepting, we went on to talk for hours, and watch a movie together! i don't have a plan to come out to anyone else irl, anytime soon, mostly because i am quite cishet passing, and it would be quite the headache to do so, but i did really enjoy this experience. it was one of the happiest days i've ever had :)
a romantic story: after a while, i started to consider more where exactly i lied on the (a)romantic side of things. i kind of left it out of the picture at first, because getting used to one label was already a lot, so i at least wanted to wait some more before considering a second one. i recall having what i thought was a crush as a kid, and at least being more interested in the idea of having a relationship (at least compared to my interest in having sex), so i was skeptic of me being aromantic, but i kept doing research nonetheless.
i eventually concluded that what i thought was a crush was probably what is referred in the aromantic community as a squish [5]. i didn't really wanted to date her, it was more of "i just wanna be close to you :)" thing, in what i now see as a very non-romantic way. but of course, society and myself projected romanticism into that, because if there's one thing society is great at is projecting heterosexuality onto people! after realising what a squish was, i realised it was something that actually did happen time and time again. i remember very starkly in primary school very strongly wanting to be friends with this one kid for a reason i could not comprehend, and i guess now i know!
of course, figuring out you're asexual, and especially aromantic, especially to me, has been very hard. as i am not sex repulsed, nor love repulsed (in fact, i think i'd love to try them someday, i'm just not attracted to anyone in that way!), it was extremely difficult to identify these labels. finding the lack of something is very hard, i'll share below the screenshot of a post i found in the asexual discord, which encompasses my feelings much better than i could ever put into words:
a gender story: last and not least, is my story with figuring out i'm agender. looking back there have always been a few red flags, that i can notice now... such as very rarely identifying or relating with any male characters in media, and always opting for an anthropomorphic creature to relate to instead, such as yoshi, bowser jr., dry bones, kirby, meta knight, and the hundreds of pokémon. i never really found myself very connected, if connected at all, to "the boys" for several reasons. i've always hated male gender roles, and i've always naturally deviated from them as much as i could. and not to go into detail, there are a few masculine-associated things that i don't super like about my body, but i could be cis and still have all of those. but to put it simply i just didn't really, feel, like a male. i've never even had the room to question wether i saw myself as male or not, so i never had to ask my brain the question of how i see my gender, but after 19 years of existing, when i finally gave myself the chance to ask, my brain seemed to give a very resounding "no"!
now, you might be wondering what prompted me to think about this, but now that i knew i was aroace, i started to consider more the role that my gender (or lack thereof) plays within my identity, here's a comic by sallyvinter [6] that explains my thoughts in a very concise manner:
now, of course, not all ace people see themselves this way, as they should! but this is just how it felt for me in particular, and what prompted this question for me to figure what was my gender, or if i even felt like i had one.
one last paragraph i wanna write about agenderness, is that, while i do see my gender identity as agender, i still think my gender expression is relatively male oriented and will continue to be. it's very hard to express the lack of something, especially gender, and while many agender people resort to androgyny, which is completely fine and beautiful if i say so myself, it's not something that speaks to me. i find myself very comfortable with whom i am, as, inside my head, i don't see my gender expression as particularly male, even though i know it externally looks like such. i find myself happy in conforming with how i've always looked and wanted to look like, and very used to he/him pronouns as well, so i don't plan on changing those, at least for now. it's important to add as well, that my native language is portuguese, which is a gendered language, and has no neutral options, so i'll have to settle with male pronouns, at least until gender neutral language is optimised and starts catching on, which will take a long while... and even then, i'm happy with male pronouns because it's how it's always has been for me. so yeah, probably gonna present in a way that most of society would see as male still, perhaps with only a few changes to make me more comfortable in my own skin, but that does not undermine my agenderness, not even a little bit!
long story short: i'm agender, aromantic, and asexual, they/them and he/him pronouns are both awesome! i have a very slight preference for they/them, but nothing much. nothing else will change, and i'll stay being the same lydian as always. thank you very much for reading, no matter how much of this novel you read, i appreciate the supportiveness of my closer friends on smogon these last few months while i figured out more and more about myself :) love you all <3
I have no particular announcement I personally want to make, but it makes me incredibly happy, personally, to see all of you guys making such wonderful progress in finding and understanding yourselves. Being able to discover and understand what makes you, you, is incredibly difficult, and it’s a personal journey that can’t really be easily described. Amidst all of them, though: it’s painful. There’s a lot of hatred, vitriol, and projection in the world, and it’s a pretty scary opposing force that can hold a lot of people down.
While I don’t have anything to say about myself, I do just want to personally say that I’m super proud of all of you for being able to make progress in discovering, pushing, and understanding your identities and learning more about yourselves. It’s not easy, and can be incredibly scary; your work and strain deserves all of the praise and validation possible. If you guys ever need any support or anything like that, don’t be afraid to message me. :>
Above all else, remember to always be yourself; you are beautiful.
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna#2345 ty :) ( yeah, its also taken on cord so i have to use the emoji :( ) (looks like smogon doesnt include emojis, ill figure something out later ups) reedit: ill just include an image of my tag, im also on smogtours if you wanna find me somewhere in public
So, I've been thinking this over the past night. Well, actually, that'd be a lie...this has been going on for years. But I think I'm approaching the light at the end of the tunnel.
I've always identified as Biromantic and transgender, but never really been sure about what my sexuality actually is. I kind of defaulted to bisexual considering my romantic orientation, but it doesn't seem to be the truth. To clarify, my sexuality hasn't played a role in my romantic orientation nor my gender identity. It's hard to explain, everyone has their own stories.
Ever since I experienced trauma at a young age I've never really...felt anything, sexually. Even with pornographic material, there's just nothing. All it does is drive me back into the rut. I've tried to get help for this, but mental health services in the UK are awful. Hell, they got the police involved when I first came out about it without my permission. I've since made leaps on my own in overcoming that trauma these past few years, but...
I've been beginning to think that this thing with my sexuality isn't just my trauma anymore. Surely there's something there? Am I asexual? Or is it my standards? Is the answer right in front of me?
I guess these aren't questions anyone but me can answer, considering how personal this is. Just needed to write this somewhere, I suppose? It's a weird situation and I'm not really sure where to go from here. I'll probably work it out as I go about my life, no need to force it.
I'm pretty sure most of my friends and people who know me in Smogon already know this but I just wanna get it out and say that I'm bisexual. I've been using this "label" since I found out what bisexuality was and I never really felt like I deviated too much from it. Of course, interest in men and women isn't a 50/50 but I never felt I was actually gay and definitely never straight lol. So yea I'm bisexual.
I'm pretty sure most of my friends and people who know me in Smogon already know this but I just wanna get it out and say that I'm bisexual. I've been using this "label" since I found out what bisexuality was and I never really felt like I deviated too much from it. Of course, interest in men and women isn't a 50/50 but I never felt I was actually gay and definitely never straight lol. So yea I'm bisexual.
Since my last post here, I've been taking a lot of time to reflect on how I want to feel compared to how I think that those around me & society want me to feel. It's a relatively tricky distinction, but through this I've been able to determine that I was actually genderfluid. In my current situation, I have to act masculine socially due to the nature of people I associate with irl, but that isn't too different from my life before I came out anyway, which is why it feels natural. Most of the time in private & in very select social scenarios I tend to act more feminine, and looking into my feelings, thoughts, and actions during these times is what led me to my conclusion. I'm genderfluid and use any pronouns now, though I slightly prefer she/her on Smogon because the settings i use Smogon in are almost exclusively private.
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna♡#3252 ty :)
edit: as you can see we figured it out, thanks everyone so far for the support :)
Firstly I'm happy for you Luna, congrats on coming out and accepting who you are.
I know you edited this post a while ago, but if you still desire the discord tag "Luna" it is possible to get, If you spam the discord name change repeatedly there is a chance it assigns you to a random discriminator with your desired username, Discord is a bit weird and Luna#0000-9999 are not actually taken. It usually takes like 30 mins of spamming or so at random intervals, sometimes you can get lucky, but i;ve done this to get names on Discord which are much more generic and common names, including my personal name. Hope this helps, if the emoji bothers you that much.
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna♡#3252 ty :)
edit: as you can see we figured it out, thanks everyone so far for the support :)
been using they/them for abt a year now outside of smogon (not that i am super active onsite), n i figured it was time to post abt it here so smogon friends can get the gist w no hassle
i dont rly want to reflect on it too much publicly--ill just say i have never really felt like 'one of the boys' and leave it at that. This just makes me feel like I have a bit more room to breathe. Thanks for reading!
I'm making this post in an attempt to be a bit more educated about trans people in general as well as learning about what trans people think about trans issues. I'm just going to post a couple questions I have about trans people, trans identity, and trans issues. I also understand that a lot of these questions will have highly differing opinions, but getting to know the opinions of you all and knowing which topics are contested/non-contested will help me as an ally. I recognize it'll take some time to answer all of these so if you want to skip a bunch I don't mind. I also don't mind simple/yes or no answers. Anything helps!
I'll also try to keep the questions something that you can't just figure out with a google search so I don't waste all of your time. (Also apologies if some of the questions are super abstract or very niche hypotheticals. I knew a couple questions I had but I added some that came to mind as I wrote the post)
If any of the questions are too uncomfortable for you to answer feel free to skip over it and if enough of you find it too uncomfortable I'll take it out of the post. If any of the questions don't belong in this thread/forum let me know and I'll take it out. I'd HEAVILY prefer if only trans people answered, but if you have any expertise in the area of one of the questions your opinion is welcome as well.
With all that being said here are the questions:
General questions
1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?
2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?
3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?
4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither?
5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?
6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?
7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?
8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?
9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?
10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny?
11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?
12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?
Questions regarding transitioning
13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?
14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why?
Miscellaneous
17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?
18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?
20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix?
21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?
HUGE thanks for anyone that takes time out of their day to answer these. I appreciate the assistance in helping me improve as an ally and I will make sure to read through all the responses I get and take them to heart. Also if you have any criticisms with how the questions are phrased or about me asking certain questions period let me know!
Note: If you notice any grammatical errors let me know I wrote this on mobile. I read through it a couple times but I doubt I got everything.
I'm making this post in an attempt to be a bit more educated about trans people in general as well as learning about what trans people think about trans issues. I'm just going to post a couple questions I have about trans people, trans identity, and trans issues. I also understand that a lot of these questions will have highly differing opinions, but getting to know the opinions of you all and knowing which topics are contested/non-contested will help me as an ally. I recognize it'll take some time to answer all of these so if you want to skip a bunch I don't mind. I also don't mind simple/yes or no answers. Anything helps!
I'll also try to keep the questions something that you can't just figure out with a google search so I don't waste all of your time. (Also apologies if some of the questions are super abstract or very niche hypotheticals. I knew a couple questions I had but I added some that came to mind as I wrote the post)
If any of the questions are too uncomfortable for you to answer feel free to skip over it and if enough of you find it too uncomfortable I'll take it out of the post. If any of the questions don't belong in this thread/forum let me know and I'll take it out. I'd HEAVILY prefer if only trans people answered, but if you have any expertise in the area of one of the questions your opinion is welcome as well.
With all that being said here are the questions:
General questions
1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?
I would use the pronouns I'm currently using, and structure the sentence so its clear what time period I'm talking about. thats just my preference though.
2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?
What they say goes. I have no input, they are the ones that know their own feelings and situation. I would treat them however they would like to be treated
3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?
This is my opinion, I could easily be conviced otherwise if someone worded it right, but I would say that because gender is a social construct, with out social structures they would not be able to be trans, they would simply be who they are, in a vacuum. As for the 2nd half of the question, if you never knew the concept of a man and woman you would not have to transition in the first place, because you wouldnt have been improperly put into a box at birth.
4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither?
Zero clue honestly, id be interested to see what someone smarter or more philosophical thinks. I would propose a third situation, where gender exists so you still have gender euphoria but everyone was born as exactly as they would want to be, and never face any opposition for what they want to be.
5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?
Yes, they would be trans, no, you do not need dysphoria to be trans. for many people the euphoria of being a gender is the driving force, not the dysphoria of being in the wrong
6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?
The issues are usually somewhat intertwined, personally I don't really mind but I could see someone being annoyed at the repeated generalization if they were talking about something in specific.
7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?
Proactive for me, but it really depends on each individual friendship and dynamic
8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?
havnt really given it any thought so I shouldnt stick my hand into that can of worms
9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?
I personally don't mind, bro is usually very gender neutral in my friend circles, but if someone doesn't like it you should do everything you can to respect that, even if you were using it perfectly innocently.
10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny?
I dunno, I don't, but it all depends on context for when its appropriate, like lots of harsh words.
11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?
also not something i've really put any thought into
12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?
i dont really have an answer for this
Questions regarding transitioning
13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?
Would depend on context, obviously itd be a little weird if you just up and asked, but it shouldnt be impossible to get an answer? I'm not really sure, I'm not out so thats not something ive thought about. To be safe you could and should just always not ask, its not usually important unless you're that persons partner anyway.
14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why?
I think that it depends a lot on context and their overall reasonings, all I could say for my personal opinion is that you are not immediately inherently transphobic for having discomfort with the idea? I don't know tbh, someone else probably does though, I'm definitely not the most qualified to answer and could just be objectively wrong, idk its hard to tell exactly what you're asking I'd have to ask about the situation.
15. If you plan on transitioning, would you date someone if they are only attracted to your post transition genitals as long as you liked them enough? Basically meaning that they wouldn't have sexual contact with you until after you transitioned, at least no sexual contact where your genitals are in view.
16. What about dating someone who heavily prefers/exclusively likes the genitals that you were born with? Would you date someone like that if you liked them enough?
Genitalia are not really a crucial enough factor of my reasonings for being with someone for me to answer these questions. It would depend on the person and how I feel about them idk.
Miscellaneous
17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?
18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?
in modern media ive only seen 1-2 people represented and I was cool with both of them. I'm sure theres loads of representation id take issue with but i havnt really seen a lot of media ngl.
19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one?
No thoughts on chasers. I would date someone if I liked them enough and would sleep with them if I felt like it. I would feel a certain amount of apprehension interacting with someone that fits the characteristics that word would describe though
20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix?
The idea of like, filtering out people to look for in a partner doesn't really make sense to me. I would make a relationship with anyone i felt attracted to. Like, I'm gay, but if there was a guy that I started talking to and really started to like, I wouldn't be like "oh wait im not actually gonna be with them, I'm gay".
21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?
Politically/like, in the movement, i have no idea, but there's def a correct answer out there for someone else to give.
on a personal level just be there for them, listen to them, treat them out they want to be treated. Being a good trans ally shouldnt be too different than being a good friend, if you're doing it right. Because if you're not a trans ally you're not really friends with that trans person are you.
HUGE thanks for anyone that takes time out of their day to answer these. I appreciate the assistance in helping me improve as an ally and I will make sure to read through all the responses I get and take them to heart. Also if you have any criticisms with how the questions are phrased or about me asking certain questions period let me know!
Note: If you notice any grammatical errors let me know I wrote this on mobile. I read through it a couple times but I doubt I got everything.
im not the most qualified or educated person to answer this but I was bored and i enjoyed typing it up so here ya go. If I said something objectively incorrect please point it out immediately, anyone.
edit: I added stuff to the original reply you just click the spoiler and my answers should be there in bold
also fwiw Bluxio i didn't mind answering these but a lot of these it would probably better to do simple research on your own, and for the rest of them you cant research it maybe would have been a better idea to ask someone in specific you know is comfortable like (Collette#7737), rather than broadcasting it in general, to people that understandably would not be in line with having certain things asked so bluntly
