You are all greatly angered by last night's results; three of your best friends died terrible deaths. This rage you feel makes you want to kill someone, and, as this is a democratic society, you will vote to decide who you should kill, considering you don't want a massacre.
"Let's get Quagsires, he is ugly!" Shouts imperfectluck.
A resounding cry went out. You want Quagsires' head. Walrein, in his anger, picks up Quagsires and repeatedly bashes him against the wall! Wild Eep, shocked by this display of violence, faints like the little girl he is.
Walrein however, continues his assault of the wall using Quagsires' increasingly bloodied body unabashed. By the time Walrein is finished, there is nothing left of Quagsires, except for his blood on the wall. You all take three steps backwards, and you can see a message spelled out by Quagsires' blood. Ditto reads it out in his best Celine Dion impression:
You are Waldorf.
You are allied with yourself.
You are an ornery, disagreeable old man, who no one much likes, except for your partner in crime, Statler. You take great joy in criticizing every aspect of The Muppet Show and its participants. After The Muppet Show went bankrupt, you and Statler had a falling out when he killed your wife, Astoria.
At night you may PM Ditto and Crux with “Night X - Criticize USER”. You will spend hours attacking every aspect of USER’s life and they will become immensely depressed, committing suicide. USER will die. You may only do this on even numbered nights.
During the day, due to your incredible critiquing skills, you will be informed if the person who you cast your lynch vote after is one of your enemies.
You win if you outlive Miss Piggy, Gonzo and Mahna Mahna, as well as Statler.
With that, the first loser of Muppets Mafia is revealed to be Quagsires. You were right in your selection of a dangerous wolf to be your victim, or so you all agree.
All this lynching has made you very tired, so you leave the theatre and return to your dressing rooms, getting ready for a long, sleepless night. Nobody cares about Wild Eep's body, left laying on the cold theatre floor unconscious. Marinating in a puddle of his own urine, as he lost control of his bladder when he fainted. What a girl.
Night 2 will end 48 or so hours from the time of this post.