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Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna#6181 ty :)
edit: as you can see we figured it out, thanks everyone so far for the support :)
edit edit: i decided to detransition, thanks to everyone that was close to me and supported me <3
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna#2345 ty :) ( yeah, its also taken on cord so i have to use the emoji :( ) (looks like smogon doesnt include emojis, ill figure something out later ups) reedit: ill just include an image of my tag, im also on smogtours if you wanna find me somewhere in public
hiya :) been meaning to post here for a little while and i'm having some trouble sleeping so i think it'd be nice to get this off my chest with more of my smogon friends
long story:
backstory: sooo, i've always felt very disconnected with the whole concept of dating and, i guess, um, sex? society being very amatonormative [1] and allonormative [2] always made me struggle to fit in, and made me think i was broken because i never could connect with the concept of, ya know, doing allosexual things... of course, as a kid i forced myself into a few situations i didn't want to be in, such as going out on parties or drinking mostly in the hopes to end up with someone (which of course, never panned out), kissing a girl i very clearly didn't want to, and lying about my romantic and sexual experiences (or lack thereof) to blend in more with my peers, et cetera. and i would always feel very deeply sad, and worthless, it didn't help i didn't have many (if any) friends, for a lot of my adolescence, and while things never got too horrible, i still never was proud or happy with my lack of involvement in romantic and sexual activities compared to my friends.
flash forward a few years, a bit over an year ago, to be exact, and i see this video from anthony padilla, on his wonderful "i spent a day with" series [3] wherein he interviews and talks with asexual people. it was awesome seeing their community and i felt a lot of compassion, but i definitely didn't think i was one of them at all. you see, as a kid i've always desired doing allo things and being with other people and all of that, so clearly i couldn't be ace ("boy was i wrong")! but i still kept that term in the back of my head... just in case...
later that same year of 2020, when i returned to my hometown, i started to reconnect my friendship w my stepbrother, who happens to be trans, as well as getting closer to many smogon friends who fall under the lgbtq+ umbrella. wanting to be a good ally for them, i started doing more and more research on lgbtq+ terms, and watching videos talking of such topics. and eventually, now in 2021, there came a day when i remembered that "asexual" term i pinned somewhere in my brain an year ago. i started to rethink how much i "didn't really fit in", as i thought when i first watched anthony padilla's video.
a sexual story: i winded up on reddit's r/asexuality [4] and i was starting to get more comfortable with picturing myself as ace. and then, i stumbled upon a part of their faq, with statements of allosexuals describing sexual attraction, and i was shocked. i realised that simply looking at someone and thinking "hmm, i guess they're kinda hot?" wasn't really sexual attraction, i had no idea. it became as clear as day i was asexual, i never in my life had sexual thoughts about, well, anyone! so that's how i got my first identity, i was a cis, heteroromantic asexual, or so i thought?
a tall task, but not a tall story: i was very happy with my discovery, it took some courage, but i ended up coming out to my stepbrother, whom i knew would be completely accepting, but it was still very hard to work up the courage to do it, in the end, i came out, he was incredibly supportive and accepting, we went on to talk for hours, and watch a movie together! i don't have a plan to come out to anyone else irl, anytime soon, mostly because i am quite cishet passing, and it would be quite the headache to do so, but i did really enjoy this experience. it was one of the happiest days i've ever had :)
a romantic story: after a while, i started to consider more where exactly i lied on the (a)romantic side of things. i kind of left it out of the picture at first, because getting used to one label was already a lot, so i at least wanted to wait some more before considering a second one. i recall having what i thought was a crush as a kid, and at least being more interested in the idea of having a relationship (at least compared to my interest in having sex), so i was skeptic of me being aromantic, but i kept doing research nonetheless.
i eventually concluded that what i thought was a crush was probably what is referred in the aromantic community as a squish [5]. i didn't really wanted to date her, it was more of "i just wanna be close to you :)" thing, in what i now see as a very non-romantic way. but of course, society and myself projected romanticism into that, because if there's one thing society is great at is projecting heterosexuality onto people! after realising what a squish was, i realised it was something that actually did happen time and time again. i remember very starkly in primary school very strongly wanting to be friends with this one kid for a reason i could not comprehend, and i guess now i know!
of course, figuring out you're asexual, and especially aromantic, especially to me, has been very hard. as i am not sex repulsed, nor love repulsed (in fact, i think i'd love to try them someday, i'm just not attracted to anyone in that way!), it was extremely difficult to identify these labels. finding the lack of something is very hard, i'll share below the screenshot of a post i found in the asexual discord, which encompasses my feelings much better than i could ever put into words:
a gender story: last and not least, is my story with figuring out i'm agender. looking back there have always been a few red flags, that i can notice now... such as very rarely identifying or relating with any male characters in media, and always opting for an anthropomorphic creature to relate to instead, such as yoshi, bowser jr., dry bones, kirby, meta knight, and the hundreds of pokémon. i never really found myself very connected, if connected at all, to "the boys" for several reasons. i've always hated male gender roles, and i've always naturally deviated from them as much as i could. and not to go into detail, there are a few masculine-associated things that i don't super like about my body, but i could be cis and still have all of those. but to put it simply i just didn't really, feel, like a male. i've never even had the room to question wether i saw myself as male or not, so i never had to ask my brain the question of how i see my gender, but after 19 years of existing, when i finally gave myself the chance to ask, my brain seemed to give a very resounding "no"!
now, you might be wondering what prompted me to think about this, but now that i knew i was aroace, i started to consider more the role that my gender (or lack thereof) plays within my identity, here's a comic by sallyvinter [6] that explains my thoughts in a very concise manner:
now, of course, not all ace people see themselves this way, as they should! but this is just how it felt for me in particular, and what prompted this question for me to figure what was my gender, or if i even felt like i had one.
one last paragraph i wanna write about agenderness, is that, while i do see my gender identity as agender, i still think my gender expression is relatively male oriented and will continue to be. it's very hard to express the lack of something, especially gender, and while many agender people resort to androgyny, which is completely fine and beautiful if i say so myself, it's not something that speaks to me. i find myself very comfortable with whom i am, as, inside my head, i don't see my gender expression as particularly male, even though i know it externally looks like such. i find myself happy in conforming with how i've always looked and wanted to look like, and very used to he/him pronouns as well, so i don't plan on changing those, at least for now. it's important to add as well, that my native language is portuguese, which is a gendered language, and has no neutral options, so i'll have to settle with male pronouns, at least until gender neutral language is optimised and starts catching on, which will take a long while... and even then, i'm happy with male pronouns because it's how it's always has been for me. so yeah, probably gonna present in a way that most of society would see as male still, perhaps with only a few changes to make me more comfortable in my own skin, but that does not undermine my agenderness, not even a little bit!
long story short: i'm agender, aromantic, and asexual, they/them and he/him pronouns are both awesome! i have a very slight preference for they/them, but nothing much. nothing else will change, and i'll stay being the same lydian as always. thank you very much for reading, no matter how much of this novel you read, i appreciate the supportiveness of my closer friends on smogon these last few months while i figured out more and more about myself :) love you all <3
I have no particular announcement I personally want to make, but it makes me incredibly happy, personally, to see all of you guys making such wonderful progress in finding and understanding yourselves. Being able to discover and understand what makes you, you, is incredibly difficult, and it’s a personal journey that can’t really be easily described. Amidst all of them, though: it’s painful. There’s a lot of hatred, vitriol, and projection in the world, and it’s a pretty scary opposing force that can hold a lot of people down.
While I don’t have anything to say about myself, I do just want to personally say that I’m super proud of all of you for being able to make progress in discovering, pushing, and understanding your identities and learning more about yourselves. It’s not easy, and can be incredibly scary; your work and strain deserves all of the praise and validation possible. If you guys ever need any support or anything like that, don’t be afraid to message me. :>
Above all else, remember to always be yourself; you are beautiful.
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna#2345 ty :) ( yeah, its also taken on cord so i have to use the emoji :( ) (looks like smogon doesnt include emojis, ill figure something out later ups) reedit: ill just include an image of my tag, im also on smogtours if you wanna find me somewhere in public
So, I've been thinking this over the past night. Well, actually, that'd be a lie...this has been going on for years. But I think I'm approaching the light at the end of the tunnel.
I've always identified as Biromantic and transgender, but never really been sure about what my sexuality actually is. I kind of defaulted to bisexual considering my romantic orientation, but it doesn't seem to be the truth. To clarify, my sexuality hasn't played a role in my romantic orientation nor my gender identity. It's hard to explain, everyone has their own stories.
Ever since I experienced trauma at a young age I've never really...felt anything, sexually. Even with pornographic material, there's just nothing. All it does is drive me back into the rut. I've tried to get help for this, but mental health services in the UK are awful. Hell, they got the police involved when I first came out about it without my permission. I've since made leaps on my own in overcoming that trauma these past few years, but...
I've been beginning to think that this thing with my sexuality isn't just my trauma anymore. Surely there's something there? Am I asexual? Or is it my standards? Is the answer right in front of me?
I guess these aren't questions anyone but me can answer, considering how personal this is. Just needed to write this somewhere, I suppose? It's a weird situation and I'm not really sure where to go from here. I'll probably work it out as I go about my life, no need to force it.
I'm pretty sure most of my friends and people who know me in Smogon already know this but I just wanna get it out and say that I'm bisexual. I've been using this "label" since I found out what bisexuality was and I never really felt like I deviated too much from it. Of course, interest in men and women isn't a 50/50 but I never felt I was actually gay and definitely never straight lol. So yea I'm bisexual.
I'm pretty sure most of my friends and people who know me in Smogon already know this but I just wanna get it out and say that I'm bisexual. I've been using this "label" since I found out what bisexuality was and I never really felt like I deviated too much from it. Of course, interest in men and women isn't a 50/50 but I never felt I was actually gay and definitely never straight lol. So yea I'm bisexual.
Since my last post here, I've been taking a lot of time to reflect on how I want to feel compared to how I think that those around me & society want me to feel. It's a relatively tricky distinction, but through this I've been able to determine that I was actually genderfluid. In my current situation, I have to act masculine socially due to the nature of people I associate with irl, but that isn't too different from my life before I came out anyway, which is why it feels natural. Most of the time in private & in very select social scenarios I tend to act more feminine, and looking into my feelings, thoughts, and actions during these times is what led me to my conclusion. I'm genderfluid and use any pronouns now, though I slightly prefer she/her on Smogon because the settings i use Smogon in are almost exclusively private.
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna♡#3252 ty :)
edit: as you can see we figured it out, thanks everyone so far for the support :)
Firstly I'm happy for you Luna, congrats on coming out and accepting who you are.
I know you edited this post a while ago, but if you still desire the discord tag "Luna" it is possible to get, If you spam the discord name change repeatedly there is a chance it assigns you to a random discriminator with your desired username, Discord is a bit weird and Luna#0000-9999 are not actually taken. It usually takes like 30 mins of spamming or so at random intervals, sometimes you can get lucky, but i;ve done this to get names on Discord which are much more generic and common names, including my personal name. Hope this helps, if the emoji bothers you that much.
Was a bit scared of posting this for some reasons but im feeling good now. Not gonna write any wall of text, just here to say i prefer she/her pronounce and to call me Luna from now. Luna is unfortunately alredy taken on smogon so ill have to work the nick a bit before changing it, if you have any suggestion pm me on cord Luna♡#3252 ty :)
edit: as you can see we figured it out, thanks everyone so far for the support :)
been using they/them for abt a year now outside of smogon (not that i am super active onsite), n i figured it was time to post abt it here so smogon friends can get the gist w no hassle
i dont rly want to reflect on it too much publicly--ill just say i have never really felt like 'one of the boys' and leave it at that. This just makes me feel like I have a bit more room to breathe. Thanks for reading!
I'm making this post in an attempt to be a bit more educated about trans people in general as well as learning about what trans people think about trans issues. I'm just going to post a couple questions I have about trans people, trans identity, and trans issues. I also understand that a lot of these questions will have highly differing opinions, but getting to know the opinions of you all and knowing which topics are contested/non-contested will help me as an ally. I recognize it'll take some time to answer all of these so if you want to skip a bunch I don't mind. I also don't mind simple/yes or no answers. Anything helps!
I'll also try to keep the questions something that you can't just figure out with a google search so I don't waste all of your time. (Also apologies if some of the questions are super abstract or very niche hypotheticals. I knew a couple questions I had but I added some that came to mind as I wrote the post)
If any of the questions are too uncomfortable for you to answer feel free to skip over it and if enough of you find it too uncomfortable I'll take it out of the post. If any of the questions don't belong in this thread/forum let me know and I'll take it out. I'd HEAVILY prefer if only trans people answered, but if you have any expertise in the area of one of the questions your opinion is welcome as well.
With all that being said here are the questions:
General questions
1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?
2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?
3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?
4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither?
5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?
6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?
7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?
8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?
9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?
10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny?
11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?
12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?
Questions regarding transitioning
13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?
14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why?
Miscellaneous
17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?
18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?
20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix?
21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?
HUGE thanks for anyone that takes time out of their day to answer these. I appreciate the assistance in helping me improve as an ally and I will make sure to read through all the responses I get and take them to heart. Also if you have any criticisms with how the questions are phrased or about me asking certain questions period let me know!
Note: If you notice any grammatical errors let me know I wrote this on mobile. I read through it a couple times but I doubt I got everything.
I'm making this post in an attempt to be a bit more educated about trans people in general as well as learning about what trans people think about trans issues. I'm just going to post a couple questions I have about trans people, trans identity, and trans issues. I also understand that a lot of these questions will have highly differing opinions, but getting to know the opinions of you all and knowing which topics are contested/non-contested will help me as an ally. I recognize it'll take some time to answer all of these so if you want to skip a bunch I don't mind. I also don't mind simple/yes or no answers. Anything helps!
I'll also try to keep the questions something that you can't just figure out with a google search so I don't waste all of your time. (Also apologies if some of the questions are super abstract or very niche hypotheticals. I knew a couple questions I had but I added some that came to mind as I wrote the post)
If any of the questions are too uncomfortable for you to answer feel free to skip over it and if enough of you find it too uncomfortable I'll take it out of the post. If any of the questions don't belong in this thread/forum let me know and I'll take it out. I'd HEAVILY prefer if only trans people answered, but if you have any expertise in the area of one of the questions your opinion is welcome as well.
With all that being said here are the questions:
General questions
1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?
I would use the pronouns I'm currently using, and structure the sentence so its clear what time period I'm talking about. thats just my preference though.
2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?
What they say goes. I have no input, they are the ones that know their own feelings and situation. I would treat them however they would like to be treated
3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?
This is my opinion, I could easily be conviced otherwise if someone worded it right, but I would say that because gender is a social construct, with out social structures they would not be able to be trans, they would simply be who they are, in a vacuum. As for the 2nd half of the question, if you never knew the concept of a man and woman you would not have to transition in the first place, because you wouldnt have been improperly put into a box at birth.
4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither?
Zero clue honestly, id be interested to see what someone smarter or more philosophical thinks. I would propose a third situation, where gender exists so you still have gender euphoria but everyone was born as exactly as they would want to be, and never face any opposition for what they want to be.
5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?
Yes, they would be trans, no, you do not need dysphoria to be trans. for many people the euphoria of being a gender is the driving force, not the dysphoria of being in the wrong
6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?
The issues are usually somewhat intertwined, personally I don't really mind but I could see someone being annoyed at the repeated generalization if they were talking about something in specific.
7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?
Proactive for me, but it really depends on each individual friendship and dynamic
8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?
havnt really given it any thought so I shouldnt stick my hand into that can of worms
9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?
I personally don't mind, bro is usually very gender neutral in my friend circles, but if someone doesn't like it you should do everything you can to respect that, even if you were using it perfectly innocently.
10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny?
I dunno, I don't, but it all depends on context for when its appropriate, like lots of harsh words.
11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?
also not something i've really put any thought into
12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?
i dont really have an answer for this
Questions regarding transitioning
13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?
Would depend on context, obviously itd be a little weird if you just up and asked, but it shouldnt be impossible to get an answer? I'm not really sure, I'm not out so thats not something ive thought about. To be safe you could and should just always not ask, its not usually important unless you're that persons partner anyway.
14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why?
I think that it depends a lot on context and their overall reasonings, all I could say for my personal opinion is that you are not immediately inherently transphobic for having discomfort with the idea? I don't know tbh, someone else probably does though, I'm definitely not the most qualified to answer and could just be objectively wrong, idk its hard to tell exactly what you're asking I'd have to ask about the situation.
15. If you plan on transitioning, would you date someone if they are only attracted to your post transition genitals as long as you liked them enough? Basically meaning that they wouldn't have sexual contact with you until after you transitioned, at least no sexual contact where your genitals are in view.
16. What about dating someone who heavily prefers/exclusively likes the genitals that you were born with? Would you date someone like that if you liked them enough?
Genitalia are not really a crucial enough factor of my reasonings for being with someone for me to answer these questions. It would depend on the person and how I feel about them idk.
Miscellaneous
17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?
18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?
in modern media ive only seen 1-2 people represented and I was cool with both of them. I'm sure theres loads of representation id take issue with but i havnt really seen a lot of media ngl.
19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one?
No thoughts on chasers. I would date someone if I liked them enough and would sleep with them if I felt like it. I would feel a certain amount of apprehension interacting with someone that fits the characteristics that word would describe though
20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix?
The idea of like, filtering out people to look for in a partner doesn't really make sense to me. I would make a relationship with anyone i felt attracted to. Like, I'm gay, but if there was a guy that I started talking to and really started to like, I wouldn't be like "oh wait im not actually gonna be with them, I'm gay".
21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?
Politically/like, in the movement, i have no idea, but there's def a correct answer out there for someone else to give.
on a personal level just be there for them, listen to them, treat them out they want to be treated. Being a good trans ally shouldnt be too different than being a good friend, if you're doing it right. Because if you're not a trans ally you're not really friends with that trans person are you.
HUGE thanks for anyone that takes time out of their day to answer these. I appreciate the assistance in helping me improve as an ally and I will make sure to read through all the responses I get and take them to heart. Also if you have any criticisms with how the questions are phrased or about me asking certain questions period let me know!
Note: If you notice any grammatical errors let me know I wrote this on mobile. I read through it a couple times but I doubt I got everything.
im not the most qualified or educated person to answer this but I was bored and i enjoyed typing it up so here ya go. If I said something objectively incorrect please point it out immediately, anyone.
edit: I added stuff to the original reply you just click the spoiler and my answers should be there in bold
also fwiw Bluxio i didn't mind answering these but a lot of these it would probably better to do simple research on your own, and for the rest of them you cant research it maybe would have been a better idea to ask someone in specific you know is comfortable like (Collette#7737), rather than broadcasting it in general, to people that understandably would not be in line with having certain things asked so bluntly
The pronouns I use now (she/her). I wouldn't want to be referred to by he/him regardless of whether the person was referring to me in the past or now.
2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?
Generally something in between, I usually tell them I'm here to answer any questions they may have and hope they can figure themselves out. Sometimes I've been asked to refer to them with new pronouns from that moment so they can see how it feels. I just treat them how they want to be treated, that's all there really is to it.
3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?
I think it would be impossible to figure out if you are trans without any concept of gender or male and female to begin with.
5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?
It can mean different things to different people. I've heard multiple people say that they'd be perfectly fine as a male but would rather be female instead, only to acquire dysphoria from being male later on, not that it's necessarily a requirement to be trans. You don't need to medically transition to be trans, nor does the clothing you wear have really any say on which gender you are. They would still be considered trans, if that is how they intend to identify, yes.
6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?
Indifferent really. That's generally a progressive take and I personally have no issue in them generalising the whole of LGBT in that context.
7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?
I'd of course appreciate much more proactive support but wouldn't expect it. Our friendship dynamic remaining the same and you being supportive is all I really expect.
8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?
I'm not very educated on this subject and would prefer to refrain from answering.
9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?
I'd think it's pretty inappropriate for anyone at all to ask about that, but I'd disclose that information to very close friends? This is a weird question, I don't really see the point for it existing.
Miscellaneous
18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?
I feel like most of the issues with how trans people are represented in media could be resolved if trans people were actually playing roles and had an adequate say over the directoral process.
19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one?
1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then? prob now-pronouns, but i dont think about it too much
2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between? order of operations. 1) treat as trans as long as theyre ok with, if nothing else it'll let them know how it feels 2) "how long have you thought about it" 3) "think about it some more, lmk how you're feeling, im with you"
3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman? your identity can be "something that isnt this body im born in", which can recalibrate to opposite gender once you learn about that opposite gender, or not and it could calibrate to NB
4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither? i don't have a specific desire to see sex, gender, or any other line of cleavage (race, ethnicity, etc.) eliminated. i see some sort of cleavages as inherent to human society (yes im a dirty political science-type)
5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans? 0.000001 more "id rather be opposite" than "id rather be same". (see chloe's answer) i was in similar "content" boat for first few years of being trans
6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering? in a vacuum i wouldnt care or (really notice honestly)
7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you? if i want proactive support i'll ask for it
8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports? i should probably sit down and form an opinion about this but haven't gotten around to it
9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives? if it's gender neutral way, go right ahead
10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny? i don't love it personally but more power to them, their empowerment more important than my mild dislike lol
11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media? not ideal. for what other group would you have non-X playing X
12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about? heh, funny q and i'll answer it in a funny way. i didn't feel invaded by these qs, but i tend to be weird about personal info stuff (as you'll see in the next question!) so who knows
Questions regarding transitioning
13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends? totally depends how im feeling at the time. could range from strangers to "i just will not tell you period"
14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why? romance preference not inherently -ist, but like, you should probably evaluate yourself with some strength if you straight up refuse to engage a broad group
15. If you plan on transitioning, would you date someone if they are only attracted to your post transition genitals as long as you liked them enough? Basically meaning that they wouldn't have sexual contact with you until after you transitioned, at least no sexual contact where your genitals are in view. im ace lol. id want my partner to be comfortable around me for both our sakes / obvious reasons, but im not into the sex contact thing anyway.
16. What about dating someone who heavily prefers/exclusively likes the genitals that you were born with? Would you date someone like that if you liked them enough? if i like them enough and theyre ok with not being sexually attracted to me, like... im not sexually attracted to them either, so... sure?
Miscellaneous
17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues? N/A
18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc? im not really knowledgable about representation
19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one? im fine dating anyone who treats and regards me as a partner and not an object of x. (i'm not very familiar with the idea of chasers) again no sleeping tho
20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix? look for someone female by default though an exception could be made in the right circumstance (what collette said)
21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally? dunno honestly lol
1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then? The ones I use now, though my living situation often means I have to boymode around a lot of people.
2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between? Something in-between. I wouldn't question their existence, per se, but I would help them through, share experiences being trans, anything to help them understand themselves better. Of course, I'm not infallible...it's delicate and complicated.
3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman? The concept of man and woman is innate, you're born with that. There's dozens of psychology papers on this, as well as a history of feral humans sexually harassing researchers. They can absolutely be trans as well.
4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither? The latter, I think erasing sex and gender would be problematic.
5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans? I don't believe there should be any real "bar" to becoming trans...you just feel it. When you start setting standards in this case, you end up with this (very well-documented) slippery slope of gatekeeping and existence-questioning. There's stuff like gender-fluidity to consider as well in this case.
6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?
7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you? I've been burned enough in the past to the point that I would expect nothing, but appreciate any support.
8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports? There is an enormous amount of misinformation on how transitioning to the opposite gender works, rooted in jealousy. TL;DR is that they are perfectly ok competing in their "new" sex's brackets.
9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives? Gonna be real, I hate all of those, except "buddy" I guess. Just call me "sis" or any of the very long list of gender-neutral terms. I've dealt with these kinds of people before - even friends - and they get so irrationally defensive when all I've said is "hey I'm uncomfortable with this can you call me something else.".
10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny? Power to them. I'm not fond of it, but that could change.
11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media? I hold the belief that the actor should be as reflective of the character they're depicting as possible. So trans actors should play trans characters, African Americans should play African American characters, so on, so forth. This would bring the script out in its purest form, no?
12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about? Not sure. A lot of opinions trans people have are based on their living situations and political climate, so it's hard to "disagree". I suppose my openness would be the most contentious thing...but I'm not really disagreeing there, am I?
Questions regarding transitioning
13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends? Anyone!
14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why? Denying someone solely on the circumstances in which they got their genitals isn't just transphobic, it's brain rot-tier stupidity. People bring up the fertility argument, but like, there are so many alternatives. Fuck, I think I remember something about uterus implants being researched for MtF?
People often harp on about dating people based on their personality; if someone truly loves a person, it would transcend their physical being, yes? So their genitals are irrelevant.
TL;DR get better reasons, or you probably don't love that person.
15. If you plan on transitioning, would you date someone if they are only attracted to your post transition genitals as long as you liked them enough? Basically meaning that they wouldn't have sexual contact with you until after you transitioned, at least no sexual contact where your genitals are in view. Tbh I have a crippling fear of sex due to stuff I went through over the course of my life, so I don't really have an answer here.
16. What about dating someone who heavily prefers/exclusively likes the genitals that you were born with? Would you date someone like that if you liked them enough? Prolly not, feels grabby.
Miscellaneous
17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?
18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc? They often miss a lot of beats due to being written by people who have never experienced trans issues. I don't think there's enough communication between writers and the trans community. There have been some golden moments, though!
...and don't get me started on the "joke" characters.
19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one? If they see me for who I am, rather than my physical body, then sure. But the definition of chaser is essentially "someone who fetishizes trans people and tries to sleep with them", so it's very very likely a hard pass.
20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix? Anyone!
21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally? Research, understand, interact. Each of these is very broad, with a lot of things to it, but anyone who does it is welcome!
Bisexual man here. I've had the luxury of the people I care about being ambivalent at worst about it, which is certainly nice. The only real discrimination I can say I've faced was from, in a cruel twist of irony, my gay/lesbian/bisexual acquaintances. Been told many a times that I'm not a "real" LGBTQ+ member because I don't have a pride flag on my Tumblr profile, put my preferred pronouns as my Discord tag, or generally announce my preferences unless asked. I understand that these individuals are the minority and not the norm, but it angers me to no end when I'm treated like an outcast for not conforming when the entire point of the community is to be accepting of others. It'd be grand if they knocked off with the No True Scotsman nonsense.
I apologize if this comes across as a rant, but words just can't describe how much it bothers me to have people trying to control how I carry myself. If anyone has any advice they could offer me to deal with those folks outlined in the first paragraph, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and as always, if anyone here needs advice/someone to share their troubles with, I'm open at The Disco Devil#5867. Can't promise much, but I'll gladly talk with anyone and everyone.
Im NB and i dont fit in the alonorm, id rather be called by they/them (but its also kinda weird those words being plural)
glad to know there is a thread like this on smogon bc mostly of spanish speakers i know here are lgbtq+phobic AF and that made me quit this game i like a few times ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
Hey guys, I just decided I'd make a post here talking about my experiences as a Bi Guy, and just sort've venting about being myself, and keeping with my interests while being pretty damn gay.
My name is Paul, I've always been pretty open about sharing my first name online because, if people wanted to Dox me, I'm one of many Pauls on the internet, I'm 19 years old and have known I liked Guys since I was about 6. I grew up in a Collegetown in Upstate New York, so everybody was really accepting of everybody, My parents didn't actually even get married(because Gay marriage wasn't legalized yet) Until my mom realized they needed the insurance benefits. The only person other than me at my parents wedding was actually my moms best friend who was gay. So I've had gay people around me my entire life. When I was 7 I moved to Northern Virginia because my dad got a job there and I grew up, found my lifelong Pokemon fandom and found all my interests in music, movies, TV. And lived a typical suburban life until about 4th grade. In 4th grade I had these friends who one of them I'm still friends with and the other I'm not, They were both kind've dudebros, played video games, liked sports to some extent typical kids, and then the edgy jokes became prevalent, using gay as an insult, that sort've thing. I then realized I was likely Bisexual(after watching Glee funnily enough, despite their bad showings of Bisexual characters) and I tried to stop that development of my friends. Fast forward a few years, to 7th grade. I was still friends with these 2 friends and as middle schoolers do when things come up in the news we discussed them, Gay marriage being nonexistent was declared unconstitutional, and about then I came out as Bisexual, its a bit early for most people but I was a weird kid. And then it came time to pick sides, the friends I had(the one I'm no longer friends with) said I was an abomination, and yeah that sucked, the dude I'm still friends with defended me, and we sort've excised the other from our friend group. In 8th grade I had my first boyfriend, actually he was introduced to me by the FISTFW(Friend I'm still friends with), This guy was a cool dude we agreed about a lot of things politics, science, thinking, and most importantly he was actually gay. We dated off and on for a few years until we realized it would probably be best if we stayed friends instead(and we're still friends). The next year in the first year of high school one of my best friends at the time transitioned and we accepted her as she(now they) is, but that excised more people from our friend group, and our DND group at one point had only one straight kid. Homophobia and Transphobia is ingrained in the institutions that we live in and we should address this. Throughout the years I've had a few Boyfriends one girlfriend, but overall lived my life as I do, I decided to pursue music and I found my boyfriend at this current time through music and we've gotten closer through quarantine. I enjoy seeing more gay characters in media, and I feel theres still a lot of progress to be made. But I thought I'd just ramble for a bit.
I really love hearing your stories, and if my story(not really a story more like an endless ramble) resonates with you. I'd love to talk with you about your experiences.
