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Polygamy-- let's spread the love.
- Thread starter Chou Toshio
- Start date
If we allow polygamy then the Mormons win. Nobody wants the Mormons to win.
I don't think this is true. Having multiple wives =/= being an alpha male. Traditionally, even in ancient times, a man would have a single wife (though often also a mistress because the wife goes out of commission once a month). Fitter males don't have more children. Fitter males HAVE children. Quality not quantity dude. Also, a problem that I see with polygamy is people biting off more than they can chew, having too many wives / kids and not being able to support them all and then having some shit hit the fan.
There was some tv series on HBO (or maybe Showtime?) that my roommate used to watch about some guy in a secret polygamist group and, im not sure how accurate it is, but there was a lot of coercion in it. Usually it came from the older females if a younger one wanted to leave, they'd force them to stay in the group. Also, naturally with women, there was a fuckton of drama, but that might have been a lot of scripting rather than a portrayal of real life (although usually a single girl causes a lot of drama so imagine 5!).
I don't think this is true. Having multiple wives =/= being an alpha male. Traditionally, even in ancient times, a man would have a single wife (though often also a mistress because the wife goes out of commission once a month). Fitter males don't have more children. Fitter males HAVE children. Quality not quantity dude. Also, a problem that I see with polygamy is people biting off more than they can chew, having too many wives / kids and not being able to support them all and then having some shit hit the fan.
There was some tv series on HBO (or maybe Showtime?) that my roommate used to watch about some guy in a secret polygamist group and, im not sure how accurate it is, but there was a lot of coercion in it. Usually it came from the older females if a younger one wanted to leave, they'd force them to stay in the group. Also, naturally with women, there was a fuckton of drama, but that might have been a lot of scripting rather than a portrayal of real life (although usually a single girl causes a lot of drama so imagine 5!).
I'll just leave this here for you, because all marriages no matter what result in love right?
Some other after-effects of leaving a polygamous marriage I swear if anyone tries to flip this around and say then you should stay in the marriage I will question everything you stand for.
Reading comprehension:
Zero.
"After exiting a polygamist cult,"
I thought we agreed to limit the discussion to consensual relationships? Choose better sources, refute things I actually said, for example the benefits and circumstances that favor polygamy and put a little more effort into this, thank you :)
Polygamy would get a nightmare for lawyers, or a wet dream, depending on how their salaries are calculated.
Say that M1, M2, W1 and W2 are married. M are men, W are women. Then one day, M1 and W2 have a child. Of course, this child is brought up by all his/her/xis four parents who love xim equally much, and xe loves them equally much back. So far, so good.
Then suddenly, W2 wants to have a divorce. She's met another man, or gets tired of this polygamy business, or whatever. She wants to take the child she bore with her. W1 has never had a child, but raised xir and fed xir and changes xis diapers and whatnot. Except from the "kid developing in womb" part, W1 has had just as much to do with the child as W2. Now, what the heck would a lawyer say? A judge? And how could you possible construct a general framework of law that took all scenarios into consideration? Say that M1 was the guy holding the relationship together, he died, and the rest split up? How would they share the inherited stuff? Say that W2 was divorced from the group during her pregnancy, what would the remaining three legal parents have to say in the kid's life?
Polygamy would be extremely complicated. And unless you manage to balance the relationships so much that there weren't excess of any gender, you'd have the problem with an awful of singles going around. Singles who, by the way, get old and require support just as much as the rest of us.
Say that M1, M2, W1 and W2 are married. M are men, W are women. Then one day, M1 and W2 have a child. Of course, this child is brought up by all his/her/xis four parents who love xim equally much, and xe loves them equally much back. So far, so good.
Then suddenly, W2 wants to have a divorce. She's met another man, or gets tired of this polygamy business, or whatever. She wants to take the child she bore with her. W1 has never had a child, but raised xir and fed xir and changes xis diapers and whatnot. Except from the "kid developing in womb" part, W1 has had just as much to do with the child as W2. Now, what the heck would a lawyer say? A judge? And how could you possible construct a general framework of law that took all scenarios into consideration? Say that M1 was the guy holding the relationship together, he died, and the rest split up? How would they share the inherited stuff? Say that W2 was divorced from the group during her pregnancy, what would the remaining three legal parents have to say in the kid's life?
Polygamy would be extremely complicated. And unless you manage to balance the relationships so much that there weren't excess of any gender, you'd have the problem with an awful of singles going around. Singles who, by the way, get old and require support just as much as the rest of us.
@Myzozoa-- sorry if you feel like you were being trolled! (though I did smile from it, thanks!) With the biology stuff, I just meant that there are biological incentives related to polygamy; the type of language I used was not intended to be offensive, but only related to language commonly used in scientific descriptions of animals. I just view humans as one more species.
You're right that I have a different view of the ethics of it, and it is one based on culture.
Well Hawaii is a part of the US, and I think monogamous/standardized relationships are as accepted there as anywhere else--
But it's true that the Chinese, Japanese, and Hawaiians all had polygamous cultures at one time or another. One of my great grandfathers had a Hawaiian wife (whom he married to obtain land in Hawaii), and a Chinese wife he called from China afterwords. Many first generation Chinese men did this, and I'm certain I have many unknown Hawaiian relatives on Kauai. Though, unlike the Chinese, the Japanese married very pure, and even in my generation (4th gen), 1/4th or 1/8th Japanese heritage is rare compared to 1/2 or pure Japanese.
Living in Japan has been really unique. It's a well educated first world country with general legal equality between genders, that still maintains a lot of gender-biased customs/practices/systems... People definitely think about gender issues differently.
In the case of multiple partner issues... hmm...
I was pretty surprised when my girlfriend told me she wouldn't have issues with me going to see prostitutes, so long as she knew about it. Her feeling was that prostitutes wouldn't take my heart, so as long as I didn't overspend, it was no big deal. Oddly, this is a view shared by many women in Japan (not all, but quite a few). Especially women who felt they couldn't keep up with their male partner's sex drives, they said at times they'd be fine saying "today, go to fuzoku instead!" (fuzoku = that industry). To quote, one day while we were snuggling, out of the blue, she laughed and said, "don't cheat on me, okay babe? If you need, you can go to fuzoku-- just tell me! lol just don't have any other romance~"
O.O I was surprised. And she was surprised that I was surprised. Well, there's culture shock for you.
But taking that a step further, my teacher at Japanese school said she didn't care if her husband had a woman on the side, or a fling, so long as he continued to come home and pay the bills. In another incident, at a business seminar after-party, I once had some hostesses laugh and touch my crotch through my pants and comment on the length in front of other guests. Oh Japan... (oh asia?)
While it's not openly discussed, kept on the down-low, and oh-so-dishonorable-but-not-really, there's a whole subculture of men (and women too!) hooking up with other people--furin (cheating with acquaintances), deaikei (meeting for flings/sex on the internet), fuzoku (prostitution), etc. etc. etc.
Though I suppose that's not so different because we all know it happens in the west as well, and that we have a huge swinger culture back in the states.
In general though, I'd say women in Japan are much less bothered by their men "playing around" than in the states.
Now, before anyone gets on an ethical high horse about male dominance/female submissiveness in Japan, I live, work and talk with real people and real women-- the people who shared their opinions with me (and I've now shared with you) were smart, educated, independent adults who knew who they were and were true to their real feelings. There was no coercion or anxiety at all-- and they would speak of these things nonchalantly and with clear honesty about the subject. I was more shocked than anything that my girlfriend flat out didn't mind the idea of me going to prostitutes-- what??
Sure you could say there's cultural conditioning--fine, whatever.
My girlfriend enjoys the idea of being submissive, and likes to think of herself as being submissive to me (even though we both know she's totally not and that she pulls me along on the leach just like any American woman), she definitely has a mindset on somethings that would infuriate your typical alpha western woman (like enjoying cleaning my house). Again, I'm not saying this to troll-- it's a different culture, and no-- your way or your culture isn't inherently better or right.
But really, why is that wrong? Americans are conditioned to be a certain way too-- I could say that American woman are conditioned to take offense at practically anything, but also haughty sluts, while American men are conditioned to be over cautiously meek, in some ways effeminate, while at the same time being alpha a-holes to get attention. What I'm certain of is that regardless of conditioning, neither is guaranteed to make you happy, and that a relationship and marriage is what you make out of it.
I personally would never pursue a polygamous relationship (and won't take my girlfriend up on her suggestion either), but ethically wrong? No, I can't really see that.
You're right that I have a different view of the ethics of it, and it is one based on culture.
Well Hawaii is a part of the US, and I think monogamous/standardized relationships are as accepted there as anywhere else--
But it's true that the Chinese, Japanese, and Hawaiians all had polygamous cultures at one time or another. One of my great grandfathers had a Hawaiian wife (whom he married to obtain land in Hawaii), and a Chinese wife he called from China afterwords. Many first generation Chinese men did this, and I'm certain I have many unknown Hawaiian relatives on Kauai. Though, unlike the Chinese, the Japanese married very pure, and even in my generation (4th gen), 1/4th or 1/8th Japanese heritage is rare compared to 1/2 or pure Japanese.
Living in Japan has been really unique. It's a well educated first world country with general legal equality between genders, that still maintains a lot of gender-biased customs/practices/systems... People definitely think about gender issues differently.
In the case of multiple partner issues... hmm...
I was pretty surprised when my girlfriend told me she wouldn't have issues with me going to see prostitutes, so long as she knew about it. Her feeling was that prostitutes wouldn't take my heart, so as long as I didn't overspend, it was no big deal. Oddly, this is a view shared by many women in Japan (not all, but quite a few). Especially women who felt they couldn't keep up with their male partner's sex drives, they said at times they'd be fine saying "today, go to fuzoku instead!" (fuzoku = that industry). To quote, one day while we were snuggling, out of the blue, she laughed and said, "don't cheat on me, okay babe? If you need, you can go to fuzoku-- just tell me! lol just don't have any other romance~"
O.O I was surprised. And she was surprised that I was surprised. Well, there's culture shock for you.
But taking that a step further, my teacher at Japanese school said she didn't care if her husband had a woman on the side, or a fling, so long as he continued to come home and pay the bills. In another incident, at a business seminar after-party, I once had some hostesses laugh and touch my crotch through my pants and comment on the length in front of other guests. Oh Japan... (oh asia?)
While it's not openly discussed, kept on the down-low, and oh-so-dishonorable-but-not-really, there's a whole subculture of men (and women too!) hooking up with other people--furin (cheating with acquaintances), deaikei (meeting for flings/sex on the internet), fuzoku (prostitution), etc. etc. etc.
Though I suppose that's not so different because we all know it happens in the west as well, and that we have a huge swinger culture back in the states.
In general though, I'd say women in Japan are much less bothered by their men "playing around" than in the states.
Now, before anyone gets on an ethical high horse about male dominance/female submissiveness in Japan, I live, work and talk with real people and real women-- the people who shared their opinions with me (and I've now shared with you) were smart, educated, independent adults who knew who they were and were true to their real feelings. There was no coercion or anxiety at all-- and they would speak of these things nonchalantly and with clear honesty about the subject. I was more shocked than anything that my girlfriend flat out didn't mind the idea of me going to prostitutes-- what??
Sure you could say there's cultural conditioning--fine, whatever.
My girlfriend enjoys the idea of being submissive, and likes to think of herself as being submissive to me (even though we both know she's totally not and that she pulls me along on the leach just like any American woman), she definitely has a mindset on somethings that would infuriate your typical alpha western woman (like enjoying cleaning my house). Again, I'm not saying this to troll-- it's a different culture, and no-- your way or your culture isn't inherently better or right.
But really, why is that wrong? Americans are conditioned to be a certain way too-- I could say that American woman are conditioned to take offense at practically anything, but also haughty sluts, while American men are conditioned to be over cautiously meek, in some ways effeminate, while at the same time being alpha a-holes to get attention. What I'm certain of is that regardless of conditioning, neither is guaranteed to make you happy, and that a relationship and marriage is what you make out of it.
I personally would never pursue a polygamous relationship (and won't take my girlfriend up on her suggestion either), but ethically wrong? No, I can't really see that.
I have a pretty odd perspective on this.
On one hand, there are two biological things supporting polygamy:
1. It's encouraged on a reproductive level for one man to go after multiple women, since a man can spread his seed quickly across them.
2. Infidelity is a real genetic trait, considered a habit in the same right biting your nails is. If you have infidelity, you mentally cannot limit yourself to even thinking about one woman.
On the other hand, there's something about most humans that completely ruins the chances of polygamy becoming accepted:
- We would rather fight for possession than share. A lot of wars break out because humans, even world leaders, are too stubborn to say "Sure, we'll make an agreement" and just fight over land, oil, etc. because each party wants to be the only one to possess the power or material.
I heard that most divorces occur because the human body yearns for polygamy on a deep level, except we can't handle polygamy mentally. The most this species, on a large scale, will ever achieve is simply variety, moving from one person to the next instead of gathering everybody you love.
Overall, though, it's obviously beneficial to show love to multiple people, because then multiple people are happy instead of just one and the rest bitter while you yourself have tension because you have to bottle up the feelings for others.
Just a bit of my observations and personal experiences.
On one hand, there are two biological things supporting polygamy:
1. It's encouraged on a reproductive level for one man to go after multiple women, since a man can spread his seed quickly across them.
2. Infidelity is a real genetic trait, considered a habit in the same right biting your nails is. If you have infidelity, you mentally cannot limit yourself to even thinking about one woman.
On the other hand, there's something about most humans that completely ruins the chances of polygamy becoming accepted:
- We would rather fight for possession than share. A lot of wars break out because humans, even world leaders, are too stubborn to say "Sure, we'll make an agreement" and just fight over land, oil, etc. because each party wants to be the only one to possess the power or material.
I heard that most divorces occur because the human body yearns for polygamy on a deep level, except we can't handle polygamy mentally. The most this species, on a large scale, will ever achieve is simply variety, moving from one person to the next instead of gathering everybody you love.
Overall, though, it's obviously beneficial to show love to multiple people, because then multiple people are happy instead of just one and the rest bitter while you yourself have tension because you have to bottle up the feelings for others.
Just a bit of my observations and personal experiences.
Polygamy is wrong for many reasons in my view. Firstly, marriage is a complete and utter dedication to one person whom you choose to love "until death do us part" as the oath goes.
Marriage, unlike what some people may think, is not just an excuse to have sex and still looking good in public, or an efficent way of reproducing, this is not true love.
True love is complete surrender to the spouse. It's not "what can I get from you?" approach, it's "what can I give you?" approach to sexual relationships.
Part of giving yourself completely to another person involves being completely dedicated to the them, this means that there can never be a third individual in a marriage.
Marriage, unlike what some people may think, is not just an excuse to have sex and still looking good in public, or an efficent way of reproducing, this is not true love.
True love is complete surrender to the spouse. It's not "what can I get from you?" approach, it's "what can I give you?" approach to sexual relationships.
Part of giving yourself completely to another person involves being completely dedicated to the them, this means that there can never be a third individual in a marriage.
uh... why?
Uh... true love is totally subjective. Even if it weren't, "True Love" isn't even a prerequisite to marriage or happiness
To you that might be the case... people in different times, places, situations... everyone is different, and there are many types of love.
no, that's just not necessarily true.
I'm not into all these religion / biology / serious sounding stuff, but legal polygamy does put the children in a political battlefield from a very young age. I mean, the adults consenting to this is all fine, but they should note the very likely negative impacts of it on their children.
As for legal issues, I feel that almost all laws could be summed up to 'don't be a dick and use common sense'. Unfortunately that's way to vague for the court, but as long as it's completely consensual and stuff, I don't see any real problem with it. Closing legal loopholes are probably a big bother, but I mean women get abused out of their relationship in developing countries all the time...
As for legal issues, I feel that almost all laws could be summed up to 'don't be a dick and use common sense'. Unfortunately that's way to vague for the court, but as long as it's completely consensual and stuff, I don't see any real problem with it. Closing legal loopholes are probably a big bother, but I mean women get abused out of their relationship in developing countries all the time...
What is wrong with children having multiple caretakers?
something not to come up yet: This would also make multi-partner homosexual relationships a-ok too
no one's discussed these yet. No reason why 2 Dads is better than 4 right?
no one's discussed these yet. No reason why 2 Dads is better than 4 right?
As long as I'm playing devil's advocate, there's something else worth noting. While most people, like spuds, treat love as something purely measurable, this couldn't be farther from the truth. This misconception is why widows feel so bad about loving again, why you feel strange about falling in love after you have an ex. Everyone loves differently, and you love every person differently. Everyone loves multiple people, we are talking about marrying more than one.
Why is marriage that? Probably because marriage has been a sign of dedication and love since it's existed.
Yes, there are lots of forms of love, familial love and love of neighbour, but I believe that there is only one genuine form of sexual love which is giving yourself totally and selflessly without boundary or hindrance to your spouse which is not possible if you have several spouses.
How can you give yourself fully to another person if you're witholding your dedication to them?
It's probably more like 1 caretaker, 1 judge (whoever's the breadwinner in this strange... family) and 4 enemies. Unless it involves multiple males + multiple females (with all of them being bi?) and maybe you get two caretakers. I mean, there's gonna be some obvious 'These are my children no touchie' and 'Your kids can go screw off' type of deal.
I think polygamy/andry as a social norm is a bad idea. And no, it's not just me being closed-minded, beyond the fact that *males* have somewhat of a biological predisposition towards multiple partners (while polyandry does exist, it generally exists in a certain social/economic context creating a percieved need for it - females have a strong predisposition towards monogamy).
Love, true, lasting romantic love, creates the desire for exclusiveness. And why wouldn't it - if you value and treasure someone that deeply, why would you want to share that person? And the idea of mutual surrender is a valid one as well - you're opening your deepest thoughts, feelings, wants and needs to another person, and they're doing the same to you. In that case, how would a third person work? Should we just believe that "they'll figure it out" and call it a day? Furthermore, no matter how much you try to fight it, jealousy will come into play, and again, if you truly care for that person, and thus, care about how much they love you, why would it not?
Now, I'm not saying it *cannot* work ever, but I feel that for the kind of deep, committed relationships most people want, it's far inferior to strict monogamy.
Love, true, lasting romantic love, creates the desire for exclusiveness. And why wouldn't it - if you value and treasure someone that deeply, why would you want to share that person? And the idea of mutual surrender is a valid one as well - you're opening your deepest thoughts, feelings, wants and needs to another person, and they're doing the same to you. In that case, how would a third person work? Should we just believe that "they'll figure it out" and call it a day? Furthermore, no matter how much you try to fight it, jealousy will come into play, and again, if you truly care for that person, and thus, care about how much they love you, why would it not?
Now, I'm not saying it *cannot* work ever, but I feel that for the kind of deep, committed relationships most people want, it's far inferior to strict monogamy.
Something that hasn't been mentioned is that Polygamy only "makes sense" biologically for a male to take multiple wives.
If a man takes three wives, he can impregnate each (theoretically) immediately, and 9 months later he has three children and impregnate them again.
Now, if an empowered woman wants to take multiple husbands she can get pregnant by only one of them (This isn't even going into the psychological strain her choice would put on the other husbands). Her ability to make more children is limited to the same speed at which a monogamous relationship with a male would produce.
So, biologically speaking, polygamy is inherently favored towards a male dominated society and that would detract from existing women's rights to an unacceptable degree.
Also worth mentioning about societal strains: the reason the Persians were able to last so long with their polygamist society was they cut off the balls of any guy who wasn't married, and this would restrain their jealousy and lust for the women they could not have. Fun shit, right?
If a man takes three wives, he can impregnate each (theoretically) immediately, and 9 months later he has three children and impregnate them again.
Now, if an empowered woman wants to take multiple husbands she can get pregnant by only one of them (This isn't even going into the psychological strain her choice would put on the other husbands). Her ability to make more children is limited to the same speed at which a monogamous relationship with a male would produce.
So, biologically speaking, polygamy is inherently favored towards a male dominated society and that would detract from existing women's rights to an unacceptable degree.
Also worth mentioning about societal strains: the reason the Persians were able to last so long with their polygamist society was they cut off the balls of any guy who wasn't married, and this would restrain their jealousy and lust for the women they could not have. Fun shit, right?
im all for it, whatever it is, as long as its consensual. the problem is the marriage is a legal thing. itd be a pain to try and make rules for it and that lies the problem with this topic. just think we have problems now where people are buying marriages to become citizen of america, soon enough youll have a guy with his hundreds of immigrant wives. until theres laid out rules as to whats what it wont be as accepted (though it will still be icky to most people).
if you think polyamorous relationships are a bad idea, then don't have one.
Okay I definitely understand the polygamy-homosexuality marriage parallel that you guys are trying to draw but there are some major things inhibiting polygamy from becoming an effective social structure.
1. Children raised by 3+ parents are going to face some major issues IMO, which isn't really the case with homosexual marriages. I can't imagine that a "family" of polygamists would be without drama, with the multiple wives/husbands being jealous of each other and the time that the husband/wife spends with each one. More likely than not, the husband/wife would have a "favorite" and this would HAVE to create tension. It just isn't a healthy environment for children IMO. I guess this would somewhat mitigated in the aforementioned homosexual-polygamists example, but I suppose there might still be some tension between the biological parents and the other parents, vying for affection of the child when the child might be more naturally disposed to love his biological parents- much the same way that children have a hard time connecting with stepparents, or adopted children feel out of place with their family.
2. This would create a bureaucratic NIGHTMARE HOLY HELL. Western social environment has been monogamous for so long that soooo many of our laws are based on the assumption that 1 man = 1 woman. Imagine the nightmare of property, of divorces, etc. that would ensue. People have already expounded on this so I won't delve into that too much.
I must admit though, the main reason I disagree with this is that polygamy just seems wrong to me. I sort of feel like a hypocrite, defending gay marriage and lambasting polygamy, since upon further inspection it's a very interesting parallel. I admit culture is playing a pretty big part in this decision. I've never met people who are truly polygamists, but if they want to go for it, I don't think we should stop them- it just seems to me like a very bad idea.
1. Children raised by 3+ parents are going to face some major issues IMO, which isn't really the case with homosexual marriages. I can't imagine that a "family" of polygamists would be without drama, with the multiple wives/husbands being jealous of each other and the time that the husband/wife spends with each one. More likely than not, the husband/wife would have a "favorite" and this would HAVE to create tension. It just isn't a healthy environment for children IMO. I guess this would somewhat mitigated in the aforementioned homosexual-polygamists example, but I suppose there might still be some tension between the biological parents and the other parents, vying for affection of the child when the child might be more naturally disposed to love his biological parents- much the same way that children have a hard time connecting with stepparents, or adopted children feel out of place with their family.
2. This would create a bureaucratic NIGHTMARE HOLY HELL. Western social environment has been monogamous for so long that soooo many of our laws are based on the assumption that 1 man = 1 woman. Imagine the nightmare of property, of divorces, etc. that would ensue. People have already expounded on this so I won't delve into that too much.
I must admit though, the main reason I disagree with this is that polygamy just seems wrong to me. I sort of feel like a hypocrite, defending gay marriage and lambasting polygamy, since upon further inspection it's a very interesting parallel. I admit culture is playing a pretty big part in this decision. I've never met people who are truly polygamists, but if they want to go for it, I don't think we should stop them- it just seems to me like a very bad idea.
I would hate to have 4 dads. It's so hard to make one father proud of you, let alone 4. Holy fuck I would kill myself.
I think polygamy and polyamorous marriage should be legal and fully recognized due to polyamorous relationships being outlined numerous times in the Bible. This nation is a Christian nation and founded on Christian principles and Christians should be able to exercise their traditions as they see fit. My question for the secular heathens out there opposed to polyamorous relationships, why do you want to destroy the Christian God and our good and wholesome Christian traditions?
TheValkyrie has one of my favorite posts so far.
i'm all for the idea of polygamy, i just don't see why people feel they need to be MARRIED to have relations with multiple other people. like, are people getting off being legally bound to a bunch of partners? is that the idea? basically agreeing with atlas here - consenting adults should be able to do whatever the hell they want, but doing it in terms of legality would be a mess for everyone.
also, as I mentioned in the gay marriage/adoption thread, I was basically raised between a mother, father, and step father. My parents divorced before I was a year old. Until I was a freshman in high school, I lived with my mother and step father, and only saw my father on the weekends. my mother eventually divorced her second husband and remarried a third, now my current step father! there were no jealousy issues as far as I knew, and my mother birthed two more children with my step father, my half-siblings. I didn't feel any less favored by my step father compared to my siblings, but as an adult now I am perfectly happy with having no further involvement with him, especially since he is no longer married to my mother. my father has also remarried (sup step mother) and has brought another child into the world, my baby sister 20 years my junior. so as it stands I have a mother, father, step father, and step mother, plus my siblings on my mother's side whose father still corresponds with me on occasion to check up on me.
so basically, most of my childhood was spent growing up under the love and care of three parents. I don't think my dad resented my step father at the time for seeing me more, as long as I was being taken care of. which I was! and, as many kids that grew up under divorced parents can tell you, two christmases are better than one!!
i'm all for the idea of polygamy, i just don't see why people feel they need to be MARRIED to have relations with multiple other people. like, are people getting off being legally bound to a bunch of partners? is that the idea? basically agreeing with atlas here - consenting adults should be able to do whatever the hell they want, but doing it in terms of legality would be a mess for everyone.
also, as I mentioned in the gay marriage/adoption thread, I was basically raised between a mother, father, and step father. My parents divorced before I was a year old. Until I was a freshman in high school, I lived with my mother and step father, and only saw my father on the weekends. my mother eventually divorced her second husband and remarried a third, now my current step father! there were no jealousy issues as far as I knew, and my mother birthed two more children with my step father, my half-siblings. I didn't feel any less favored by my step father compared to my siblings, but as an adult now I am perfectly happy with having no further involvement with him, especially since he is no longer married to my mother. my father has also remarried (sup step mother) and has brought another child into the world, my baby sister 20 years my junior. so as it stands I have a mother, father, step father, and step mother, plus my siblings on my mother's side whose father still corresponds with me on occasion to check up on me.
so basically, most of my childhood was spent growing up under the love and care of three parents. I don't think my dad resented my step father at the time for seeing me more, as long as I was being taken care of. which I was! and, as many kids that grew up under divorced parents can tell you, two christmases are better than one!!
The thing is you or Valkyrie makes it sound like every Western Male is just waiting for polgamy to be legal and the society will follow.
In Saudi Arabia where I live, you'd gasp if you found someone who is married to 2 wives, and a guy marrying four is newspaper OMG material. So no legalizing polygamy will not change anything overnight, and I don't see how it would detract from woman rights seeing how giving legality to other relationships as opposed to mistress-OMG Cheating-Messy divorces-que abandoned child.
In Saudi Arabia where I live, you'd gasp if you found someone who is married to 2 wives, and a guy marrying four is newspaper OMG material. So no legalizing polygamy will not change anything overnight, and I don't see how it would detract from woman rights seeing how giving legality to other relationships as opposed to mistress-OMG Cheating-Messy divorces-que abandoned child.