Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread

[WaterBomb]

I don't think it's really that the Friend Zone doesn't exist at all. I think the "Friend Zone" exists, but the problem comes when people use it as an excuse to self-loathe rather than realize that it simply means you and that person are not right for each other. People who are compatible and right for each other will end up dating, and those who aren't won't work out. It's that simple. The friend zone is just a convenient excuse for people to whine and cling to hope rather than face the fact that their feelings are unrequited.

tl;dr the Friend Zone does exist, it just means you and the object of your affection are not meant to be. Move on.

 

[Shiny Mew2]

im debating if i should tell you guys my many stories about my asian female buddies.

yes

i can learn

 

[Arcticblast]

http://www.stuffyouwillhate.com/2012/05/lets-talk-about-why-the-friend-zone-is-bullshit/

Title of the article: "Let's talk about why the friendzone is bullshit"

 

[Fishy]

the problem is the term "friend zone" existing at all. and the words themselves shouldn't get your panties in a twist, merely the insecure/immature definition people try to assign to it. looking at a boy/girl as in the potential friend zone or bone zone is childish, and a person choosing to relate to you in one way or the other doesn't need to be labeled.

 

[MrIndigo]

I think people have garbled the original meaning of the phrase "Friend Zone" from that shitty Ryan Reynolds movie.

The original conception was that "If you become friends with a girl, she'll stop seeing you as a potential sexual/romantic partner." This is resoundly untrue.

It then started to get used by neckbeards as one of a number of things:
- "I am interested with this girl and she won't ask me out, it must be because I'm friend-zoned and not at all because I'm not actually asking her out."
- "I asked this girl out and she rejected me, saying she didn't want to ruin the friendship we had; it was not at all that she wasn't attracted to me and didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying so.
- "I'm friends with this girl because I hope I will one day bang her and I don't really have any interest in her friendship, just her vagina/boobs, so I'm trying to turn being her friend into banging her; it's not at all that I'm actually a predatory jerk who is trying to manipulate a girl into fucking me."

All of these are also resoundly untrue.

I don't think anyone really uses the "friend zone" to legitimately mean "I am friends with a girl."

 

[Jets]

/expired

 

[blarajan]

have you ever talked to her off of facebook o.O????

edit: didn't seem that way lol

 

[Jets]

Doing this mobile so "Hershey" was a typo - "her last"

sorry for double post

@ blara- yes we go to the same school

edit- sorry lol, we take the sub together every morning to school.

 

[Porii Sames]

Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds half of the posts on here unintentionally funny.

Anyways, I'm with the people that say that the friend zone is stupid. If you honestly care about someone enough to want a relationship, consider yourself happy to at least be friends with them.

 

[Jets]

My story was fucking amazing. What are you smoking

o misread. An it's likes 2 am here I need to get some sleep..

 

[Dave]

i stopped taking you seriously Jets when you told someone you'd wait until college to date them. That's 2 years for you bro...and she's a year ahead of you. She'd prob find someone before you and wouldnt' wait at all for you. No offense.

As for the friend zone thing....lol.

 

[destinyunknown]

That's true, but I don't like when I go to date a girl and she talks about friendship (ok that my days of searching are over now), I just think if you go straight to the point when talking to a girl you have more chances in getting good results and sooner than when you get friendship first... That worked for me and some others of my friends (some girls as well)... I have to admit that you guys made me see that friendzone is just a polite way to say she/he don't gonna date you, but I still think that is a good thing to remember me to make act quick when searching for a girl. XD

I agree with WaterBomb with the friend zone thing, I believe it exists, but not as a negative thing of sorts and something you can ''blame'' a girl for, but as a natural thing. If you're ''on the friend zone'' regarding a person, it just means that person doesn't see you as a possible sexual partner, this could be due to any reason, but thinking a girl is a bitch (or whatever you want to think) because she's friendzoning you is definitely stupid. I mean, would you go out with ALL your female friends? I'm pretty sure there's at least 1 of them who you wouldn't consider as a person you'd have a romantic relationship with. Is that a bad thing? Would you stop being friends with that person?

As for the thing that going straight about dating when meeting a girl, well, you kind of got a point. I'm not saying that being friends with a girl for a mid-long amount of time is bad if you want to date that person, but rather that if you are ''too nice of a guy'', in the sense that you just don't show to be a sexual person, the girl will probably stop seeing you as a possible boyfriend. That's just something of your behaviour though, and it's only related to time knowing a girl in the sense that if you go straight and fast with her and you ask her out, you'll definitely show you're sexually interested in her and she'll notice. This doesn't mean you should act as a jerk to ''avoid being the nice guy'', not by any means, you can be a nice guy as long as you're not embarrassed of yourself as a sexual being (this also DOESN'T mean you should act as a horny idiot with girls, though). An example for this (I guess) would be the ''gay friend'' cliche seen on movies, tv series etc

I hope I made my point clear ^^

 

[ChronusGreed]

I agree with Stone Cold on the 2 years... To long and colege is a very nice place to get a relationship...

Destiny... I don't get with those questions are for me or to make people think... I also if your second part.

 

[destinyunknown]

I agree with Stone Cold on the 2 years... To long and colege is a very nice place to get a relationship...

Destiny... I don't get with those questions are for me or to make people think... I also if your second part.

The questions are obviously there to make people think and emphatize my point of view.

As for the second part, it's a reply to this:

I just think if you go straight to the point when talking to a girl you have more chances in getting good results and sooner than when you get friendship first...

 

[ChronusGreed]

Sorry, I missread some parts, that happens when I'm a little tired... XD

Nothing to do with friend zone but... My best friend is ugly as hell, and the girls don't date him... He's sad about that, but at same time he hates to talk with uglier girls (he choose the top girls)... How can I tell him that girls think he's unatractive without hurt his feeling? (he's very sentimental, amolst cry for 3 days every time he get dumped)

 

[blitzlefan]

I gotta back what DestinyUnknown says. I think that's 100% right and that if you really do care about him/her, you should put the friendship > getting laid or relationship or w/e. And friend zone isn't necessarily all that bad and it is avoidable. Just don't be weak/lame or whatever. Make yourself someone people would want to date before you whine about "Oh poor me she must've friendzoned me that's why she said no."

@ ChronusGreed... god that sux. Well if he's you're best friend, tough love is probably best. Maybe don't tell him "you're ugly as hell idgaf" but at the same time give it to him straight.

 

[Jets]

I agree with Stone Cold on the 2 years... To long and colege is a very nice place to get a relationship...

Destiny... I don't get with those questions are for me or to make people think... I also if your second part.

too* :))

dumb laaaaaag; anyways

if distance is 'just' an obstacle, why can't time be too?

 

[ChronusGreed]

if distance is 'just' an obstacle, why can't time be too?

People change with time, not with distance... But, in this case, I belive there's hope... After all I'm dating a girl with a huge age diference and still afraid that she leaves me in 2 years or something like that...

 

[Pernicious]

ok, let's try this

i have a date next friday with a girl, but i'm not sure if she knows it's a date, and i'm not 100% sure she's into me, and i don't know how to tell.

we met at SAT prep. i've seen her around for a year, but only talked to her for two weeks. i thought she liked me -- she started dressing better, smiling back at me, laughing at my jokes -- so i asked to a music show at my high school and then burgers afterward.

but, i'm not sure if i was absolutely clear about my intentions. i didn't use the word "date" or "just the two of us" -- i said "do you want to go to x at y time", to which she said yes quickly, and then there was an awkward silence for 3 minutes till the instructor came back. also, i felt i was putting more of the effort into our conversation that day and fighting for her interest. (i know that seems like a red flag, but she had started conversations with me beforehand).

i should mention that she isn't the most outspoken person, though she has a lot of friends in school, so its not totally like "oh sure she likes you she's just shy". she doesn't touch my arm or play with her hair or engage me in conversation constantly or bat her eyes or whatever the fuck i'm supposed to look for.

so in conclusion i'm not really sure what's up. what to do?

and also, if she actually is into me, how the hell do i engage with her when we're in the show itself ? (it's just students, in the basement, listening to music performances/comedy/poetry. i feel like there's a bit of extra pressure, and i don't want to be really romantic and touchy-feely if she's not into me, because that might just creep her out.)

we go to different schools, and are both 16.
------
actually, i was omitting detail, but she's the only one taking it (and it's not really a course, it's just one teacher/one student work on the essay itself.) i just happen to live in the course building, so i sit in on the lessons. the instructor is my mom. i realize how weird that sounds.

i don't think it's super weird for the girl though, because my mom and i have a good rapport, and the actual work is very casual. which translates over and makes things in generally more funny?

 

[Lanturn314]

Pernicious, if you like her, just go for it. The worst that could happen is a rejection, and you've only been talking to her for two weeks, so it's not like you're throwing a deep friendship down the drain.

As for lack of batting eyelashes and being touchy-feely on her part, I wouldn't necessarily say that's a sign either way, especially since she's 16. When I was 16, I had quite a few friends, but I was also awkward as fuck when it came to knowing how to make a guy know I liked him. In fact, if I liked a guy and I heard in the rumor mill that he liked me back, I would actually start avoiding him and try to avoid conversing with him as much as possible because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable!! Looking back on it, it's hilarious, but whatever. Point is, when I was 16, I would have loved for a guy to just be upfront that he liked me if he did! And I basically gave the OPPOSITE of "signs"!!

So yeah, go for it, because not all girls act the exact same way when they like a guy, and asking outright if she wants to date you is the only way to know for sure.

Of course, if you want to be more sure of yourself when you do make a move, you might still want to work up to it by doing little things like "accidentally" brushing her hand when reaching for popcorn, etc., and see if she blushes/smiles afterwards.

 

[ChronusGreed]

Like they said... Looks like she want you, it's even better if she didn't metion nothing about taking another person with you (and if she not bring a friend on the day). Then just hugs and kisses...

 

[MrIndigo]

too* :))

dumb laaaaaag; anyways

if distance is 'just' an obstacle, why can't time be too?

They're basically the same, except people are more likely to change in time than they are with distance.

Both are pretty much relationship poison.

 

[Fishy]

distance is something you can change at any moment, time is……. yeah.

if two people really want to be together, distance shouldn't get in the way. it's one thing if you've got a career and your life is rooted somewhere apart from someone, but in that case, time can turn into merely a waiting game until you can reunite yourself with that special someone. if distance is the only thing holding you back, then you have something to fight for.

 

[WaterBomb]

The fact that she quickly said "yes" to your invitation out is a pretty good sign she's at least interested in you. You don't necessarily have to use the word "date" for them to know either, usually it's implied when a guy asks a girl to "go to x at y time" as you put it. As far as the date itself, as I mentioned previously in this thread, your focus should simply be on earning a second date. If you want to "test the waters" with her while you're out, try touching her hand while you're watching the music show and seeing how she responds. If she slides her hand away, back off. If she responds positively and grabs hold, then she's interested. If you're too nervous to try this, don't sweat it either.

Also, you don't need to fill the entire evening with conversation for her to have a good time. During the show it won't be necessary to talk much, so just sit back and enjoy it. When you're out for burgers you can chat a bit, but don't wrack your brain over it. Try thinking about the kinds of things you legitimately want to know about her, and use those as conversation starters. Ask her how she feels about the SAT prep course, and let that lead into a conversation about college and what she wants to do.

The key to it all is just relax. If you guys have great conversation, cool. If not much is said, that's cool too. When the evening is over, ask her if she'd like to get together for something next week, something simple like dinner. This will be your signal of whether she's interested or not. If she accepts the second date, you're in. If not, oh well, not the girl for you!

 

[MrIndigo]

distance is something you can change at any moment, time is……. yeah.

if two people really want to be together, distance shouldn't get in the way. it's one thing if you've got a career and your life is rooted somewhere apart from someone, but in that case, time can turn into merely a waiting game until you can reunite yourself with that special someone. if distance is the only thing holding you back, then you have something to fight for.

I would say distance is only a surmountable problem if it's a temporary measure, and you have realistic and definite plans (not just intentions) to close the distance in the future.