Building things generally is a really good use of one’s time. I build model trains/boats/sci fi starships, after a childhood in which Warhammer, Airfix, Meccano, K’nex, Lego and other building toys and kits featured heavily. When it’s all going right, it can be really fulfilling and almost always gets me out of the “funk”.
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Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread
- Thread starter Rollout Shuckle
- Start date
Building things generally is a really good use of one’s time. I build model trains/boats/sci fi starships, after a childhood in which Warhammer, Airfix, Meccano, K’nex, Lego and other building toys and kits featured heavily. When it’s all going right, it can be really fulfilling and almost always gets me out of the “funk”.
I love the trains. As someone who has a special place in his heart for Rev. W. Awdry's Railway Series and Thomas the Tank Engine, these are awesome to see.
Who's ikap?
Oooo! Gordon and Big City Engine! :D
Beautiful stuff, man. Do you use them on tracks at all or are they for display only?
Currently just display but I have plans for a future layout (which is built but is dismantled at the moment).
The loco on the left is Humorist, a Gresley A3 Pacific in its 1940s livery and form.
Gordon on the right is a much loved conversion I did for myself so I could run a favourite childhood character that wouldn’t look out of place in a realistic setting.
It’s the little things….
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where people claim they want to make plans but when suggestions get brought up, they’re immediately shot down because someone doesn’t “agree” with these opinions? If you have, congratulations! You have discovered the entire reason I’ve hated making decisions for so long. There’s no particular reason I’m posting this today of all the random days… okay, that’s a lie, but I do think there’s some merit to finding out what people really think of us depending on how they respond to what we say.
Growing up I’ve always had a somewhat irrational fear of making “the wrong decisions” based on what my brain manages to convince me other people want, and since I have a tendency to want to listen to other people more than myself, I’d like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at picking up on my family and my friends’ “signals” of sorts when they’re upset. The part that really bothers me is when people try and play it off like they’re “fine” when everything about the situation suggests otherwise.
I’ve had a pretty bad week overall, and that’s in large part because I think a lot of people I am around are either forgetting or ignoring (or both) that it’s okay to give people some feelings of reassurance every now and then. I think a lot of people around my age group especially are pretty prideful when it comes to what they believe in and think, and this sucks because I think we’d all be a lot happier if we actually respected each other more and didn’t subconsciously demand 100% perfection from one another. Just for the sake of this post, I’ve always thought the idea of education systems has had something to do with that…
Growing up I’ve always had a somewhat irrational fear of making “the wrong decisions” based on what my brain manages to convince me other people want, and since I have a tendency to want to listen to other people more than myself, I’d like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at picking up on my family and my friends’ “signals” of sorts when they’re upset. The part that really bothers me is when people try and play it off like they’re “fine” when everything about the situation suggests otherwise.
I’ve had a pretty bad week overall, and that’s in large part because I think a lot of people I am around are either forgetting or ignoring (or both) that it’s okay to give people some feelings of reassurance every now and then. I think a lot of people around my age group especially are pretty prideful when it comes to what they believe in and think, and this sucks because I think we’d all be a lot happier if we actually respected each other more and didn’t subconsciously demand 100% perfection from one another. Just for the sake of this post, I’ve always thought the idea of education systems has had something to do with that…
Mind blowing lack of humanity in two very specific countries at the minute, enacting what is a very obvious genocide.
If you’re not mentally affected by the sight of starving children, or children blown to pieces, or the general move towards literal concentration camps, then I question whether we work on the same plane of reality as it is absolutely destroying my humanity watching all of this happen on the news in real time.
Just incredible how 2024 and 2025 have led up to this.
For the record, Free Palestine.
If you’re not mentally affected by the sight of starving children, or children blown to pieces, or the general move towards literal concentration camps, then I question whether we work on the same plane of reality as it is absolutely destroying my humanity watching all of this happen on the news in real time.
Just incredible how 2024 and 2025 have led up to this.
For the record, Free Palestine.
Despite everything I do. Despite doing my best at all time. Despite always trying to bring joy around me, and be the best version of myself.
Despite everything, I have this unexplicable feeling of being a terrible person. I have a feeling of not doing things correctly, and that I'll never able to reach the objectives I have. This can easily explain why my mental has been so poor for the last couple of months. I tend to mask it very efficiently, so much so that even close relatives can't even realize it, but when everything is calm around me, I can feel it deep inside me.
I don't know what to do to calm that.
Despite everything, I have this unexplicable feeling of being a terrible person. I have a feeling of not doing things correctly, and that I'll never able to reach the objectives I have. This can easily explain why my mental has been so poor for the last couple of months. I tend to mask it very efficiently, so much so that even close relatives can't even realize it, but when everything is calm around me, I can feel it deep inside me.
I don't know what to do to calm that.
Today is probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to wanting to throw in the towel and leave this community for good. I’m done always feeling like I’m wrong about everything and letting my autistic ADHD OCD brain be manipulated so easily regardless of if people are aware of what they’re doing. I’ve spoken about my mental wellness issues and my ongoing fight with my Pokémon addiction (and also my phone addiction) I’m willing to admit I have, and I really do think the sooner I get out of here and never look back, the higher chance there is I can maybe salvage some of my old self.
Trying to be better passionate about my long list of unpopular opinions was my first mistake. Trying to act like I ever belonged in this community was my second mistake. And we all know what happens at Strike Three. Today’s Pokémon Presents proved something to me. Not only will I feel like I’m being ridiculed or sometimes even mocked for bringing up what I felt in my heart are good, healthy points to mention, but even in the rare chance where I do know what the heck I’m talking about, it doesn’t amount to anything because I’m still miserable behind the scenes and get unusually upset with basically everything these days that I don’t agree with.
What I’m trying to say here is that I don’t trust myself, and I don’t think I can be trusted either. I’ve managed to convince myself and subsequently prove I’ll never be as mature or independent as other people want me to be. I don’t even know what I want out of my own life anymore. One thing’s for sure, continuing to waste my time and energy with this site will only stress me out more and more when that’s the last thing my depression needs. Because that’s all I am. An addicted, depressed mess of a human being whose quality of life is honestly really good but I struggle to appreciate any of it because I can’t help but keep complaining over and over and over again. I don’t want to blame my neurodivergence anymore. I want to blame myself for letting myself get to this point. All of that because I wanted to feel like I belonged in a community. A real community.
I did this to myself, yes, but I also blame the Pokémon franchise and the Internet for allowing that to happen. I should have quit the franchise when I had the chance, but I felt peer pressured into getting the past two or three new games and did it all so other people would have someone to play and talk with. Think of it this way. What am I realistically gaining from posting anything anymore? Let alone posting this? I don’t want appreciated. Heaven knows I don’t deserve it. I’m not doing this for clicks or follows or anything. In fact, attention would only make me feel worse. The only purpose I serve in this community is trying to make people happy when I know deep down I’m just trying to be who I’ve always been. Someone who only cares about himself. Someone who has always caused more problems than I’ve helped to fix. Who told me I’m such a horrible person, you might ask? I did. This was all me. None of you ever told me any such lies. And I know my brain well enough to know that if or when someone tries to tell me what a good person I am, it’s just going to go in one ear and out the other. I’ve been told too many times I’m a bad listener, after all. And that’s true, too.
Trying to be better passionate about my long list of unpopular opinions was my first mistake. Trying to act like I ever belonged in this community was my second mistake. And we all know what happens at Strike Three. Today’s Pokémon Presents proved something to me. Not only will I feel like I’m being ridiculed or sometimes even mocked for bringing up what I felt in my heart are good, healthy points to mention, but even in the rare chance where I do know what the heck I’m talking about, it doesn’t amount to anything because I’m still miserable behind the scenes and get unusually upset with basically everything these days that I don’t agree with.
What I’m trying to say here is that I don’t trust myself, and I don’t think I can be trusted either. I’ve managed to convince myself and subsequently prove I’ll never be as mature or independent as other people want me to be. I don’t even know what I want out of my own life anymore. One thing’s for sure, continuing to waste my time and energy with this site will only stress me out more and more when that’s the last thing my depression needs. Because that’s all I am. An addicted, depressed mess of a human being whose quality of life is honestly really good but I struggle to appreciate any of it because I can’t help but keep complaining over and over and over again. I don’t want to blame my neurodivergence anymore. I want to blame myself for letting myself get to this point. All of that because I wanted to feel like I belonged in a community. A real community.
I did this to myself, yes, but I also blame the Pokémon franchise and the Internet for allowing that to happen. I should have quit the franchise when I had the chance, but I felt peer pressured into getting the past two or three new games and did it all so other people would have someone to play and talk with. Think of it this way. What am I realistically gaining from posting anything anymore? Let alone posting this? I don’t want appreciated. Heaven knows I don’t deserve it. I’m not doing this for clicks or follows or anything. In fact, attention would only make me feel worse. The only purpose I serve in this community is trying to make people happy when I know deep down I’m just trying to be who I’ve always been. Someone who only cares about himself. Someone who has always caused more problems than I’ve helped to fix. Who told me I’m such a horrible person, you might ask? I did. This was all me. None of you ever told me any such lies. And I know my brain well enough to know that if or when someone tries to tell me what a good person I am, it’s just going to go in one ear and out the other. I’ve been told too many times I’m a bad listener, after all. And that’s true, too.
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For whatever it's worth, though I'm not really in OI at all, I always thought you were a pretty good poster. You have a commitment to self-reflection and self-knowledge that I think has the potential to take you pretty far. Your biggest obstacle, as far as I can tell (and I hope you will forgive me if this is an overstep), is your misplaced priorities when it comes to being a part of this kind of community. The point of forming a community for people with a shared interest isn't to win arguments, accrue social status among people you've never met in real life, or prove that you're the biggest superfan of some piece of intellectual property; the point is to find people whose company you enjoy, people who enrich and brighten your life. If Smogon has ceased to provide that for you, then stepping away may be the right thing to do, but if you look at wherever you end up next as a place outside of yourself for you to draw an identity from, then you're gonna end up grappling with the same sorts of crises. Corporations and advertisers would have us believe that our identities are comprised of the things we buy and the brands we support because that's profitable for them, but the hard truth is that the most solid sense of self you'll ever have is gonna come from within, not the video games you play, the websites you post on, or the inane arguments that you take part in.
Lol, I was trying to fix some things on my new phone and now it's not letting me log back in without doing that authenticator thing. It's not an overstep at all- one of the questions I've had as a Pokémon "fan" since, say, 2015-16, has been what exactly it means to be a fan of something in the first place. I'll touch more on that in a bit, but speaking as a person diagnosed with and has a career interest with developmental disabilities, I've secretly struggled to call video games a "hobby" as much as the phrase "special interest(s)" has started feeling more accurate by comparison.
This recent stretch of mental... unwellness? started about a week ago now when I posted something suggesting that I felt bad for less fortunate families that couldn't fully enjoy stuff like Pokémon as much as others could. In my head and in my heart it didn't feel like I was saying anything inherently bad, but I could tell based off the reactions to that post that something wasn't right. When someone tells me to "get a grip" for having what I thought was me being a good person, that kind of messed with my head a little bit. For a few days after that, things cooled back down, but they heated right back up after the Pokémon Presents the other day. With the benefit of hindsight I realize I'm probably dwelling on things too much like I always do, but long story short, my opinions on a specific new addition that was revealed for the new Legends ZA game... upset me to say the least. I tried to throw in positive notes where I could, but this specific something feeling as fake as it did for me just rubbed me the wrong way to the point where I had decided to make a thread in Smogoff about this. Come to find out, apparently people like this thing more than I thought they would and I almost felt like I was being shamed for having an unpopular opinion again.
Now we come back to my work with developmental disabilities. Not only did I want to find some way I could feel like I belonged to a community of people that liked the same or similar things as me, but I also wanted to share my enthusiasm for certain things- specifically my "special interests" with the world. The problem with doing this was that it tended to conflict with what I call a "personal quest" of sorts to find something I can call my own. I was always the person that needed extra help, and while I have been successful in life, I'd like to think, it's impossible for me to give myself the credit for any of that. I'm only where I'm at now because of other people, and putting it simply, I don't see a future where I ever truly feel like I could do the same for anyone else and have it amount to anything. It's bad enough that things like relationships and phone culture stress me out on a fundamental level. Somehow I have to figure out how to balance my work life, my social life that's fallen off a cliff ever since I graduated college, my free time I would like to spend enjoying the things I love, and I need to focus on becoming a mature, independent young adult. All at the same time.
I don't want to say Smogon has failed me to provide me with anything I want or need, because that would just be a complete lie. There's a lot of really good hearted people that use this site, and I mean it when I say a lot of you guys, yourself included, genuinely sound like you'd be a lot of fun to hang out with. Trying to purposely brand myself as "bdt2002, that guy who loves DS and Wii games and especially extremely specific Pokémon games", originally helped me grow as a person... when I was a teenager. Now, though? I'll say it- I need to grow up, possibly leave behind the old profile name and identity, if it comes to that, and really try and make an effort to be who I want to be, whatever that will end up looking like. That's why almost all of my posts these days look like essays, because I unironically really enjoy writing and getting my thoughts out there. I just want to know who I really am, what I really believe in, and if my desires to be seen and heard have been misguided for the better part of the last decade.
hI just feeling the need to post an update
I decided to get myself an e-ink tablet, and got Plato's complete works. A few others will be coming on the way. Understanding people better is going very well, but it's hard to disconnect from the virtual world tbh. So I started reading Plato to get to the nitty gritty first of all, and now whenever I fall into self doubt I hopefully will have a much better understanding on why this is happening and how to manage and process thoughts.
Smogon will most likely be the final online community i plan to take part in. Because I'm addicted to social media and the internet, and having bad environments growing up i never got to connect with my real self until this spring.
Oh yeah, and got reqs again
I decided to get myself an e-ink tablet, and got Plato's complete works. A few others will be coming on the way. Understanding people better is going very well, but it's hard to disconnect from the virtual world tbh. So I started reading Plato to get to the nitty gritty first of all, and now whenever I fall into self doubt I hopefully will have a much better understanding on why this is happening and how to manage and process thoughts.
Smogon will most likely be the final online community i plan to take part in. Because I'm addicted to social media and the internet, and having bad environments growing up i never got to connect with my real self until this spring.
Oh yeah, and got reqs again
3 years later, this all still rings true.
I recommend reading, too. It is like a squeegee for your brain.
I had a really rough, no good 2025 so far and this year gave me perspective on one aspect of the human condition:
the chance and anarchy of life is really, really fucking scary
there's some logic behind it but for us with our limited human understanding, there may as well be none
I developed a lot of health anxiety and reading of certain conditions that just randomly pop up and kill people instantly without warning are absolutely terrifying to me. As rare as they may be, there's always a possibility of that shit occurring
I know get fully why religion is so calming for billions of people. the thought of a God or a system like karma giving some kind of sense to the chaos that we live in makes it so much more bearable, the idea of everything following some grand plan gives some kind of calmness in a world that gives us every reason to not be calm
seeing things cold and scientific, thinking that the chance and anarchy just kinda led to life itself and all that we feel and are is just some chemical bullshit is a lot scarier, the concept of "positive nihilism" does not work when you really try it because of it
idk man. maybe when I get older, I'll see some kind of logic to things
the chance and anarchy of life is really, really fucking scary
there's some logic behind it but for us with our limited human understanding, there may as well be none
I developed a lot of health anxiety and reading of certain conditions that just randomly pop up and kill people instantly without warning are absolutely terrifying to me. As rare as they may be, there's always a possibility of that shit occurring
I know get fully why religion is so calming for billions of people. the thought of a God or a system like karma giving some kind of sense to the chaos that we live in makes it so much more bearable, the idea of everything following some grand plan gives some kind of calmness in a world that gives us every reason to not be calm
seeing things cold and scientific, thinking that the chance and anarchy just kinda led to life itself and all that we feel and are is just some chemical bullshit is a lot scarier, the concept of "positive nihilism" does not work when you really try it because of it
idk man. maybe when I get older, I'll see some kind of logic to things
Idk if this will help you, but the thing that helped me with the idea of these illnesses is simple. If you have nihilistic, absurdist, or similar beliefs, then why should you fear death? If you get a sudden illness that kills you, you’ll die. After, according to most nihilistic takes, there’s a simple lack of consciousness. You don’t have anything to worry about. If you’re happy with your life, you won’t have to be upset; you were happy, and that’s what matters.
There’s no reason outside of human nature to be afraid of death. For me, I just try to enjoy life. If you’re getting the happy chemicals in your brain (and are being empathetic and making sure other people are getting the happy chemicals), aren’t you doing your job just fine?
Death is scary. I don’t mean to discredit how you feel. I went through similar thoughts as you, and while I can’t explain very well rn how I was able to stop being bothered by them, I can try my best to answer any questions for you if it’d be of any help.
It is currently August 4th, 2025. I would consider myself a generally happy person, but that's starting to change given what's happening to the internet and the country of the USA right now.
If you didn't know, platforms such as YouTube and Spotify will now be inquisitive of users they think are under 18. If their AI algorithms think you're underage, you'll be barred from using their platform until you show them your government ID or drivers license...
It doesn't make any sense! Why would we EVER give these companies our license??? The secret, sinister motive behind this is that they want a name and face on every internet user from now on, and basically want to live I. 1984. It's just sickening to even think about and I've been unhappy for a week at this point. Combine that with censorship of games and art online, I think the internet goose is cooked. What will we do???
All summer I was thinking of ways to grow my channel on YouTube. The Mega man video i posted on june 22nd did major numbers, but now with this age verification shit I don't even feel like posting or making anymore content knowing all this.
It feels sad right? Being sad because the internet is going to shit? But no! I don't want this! No one wants this! I just want to give up. I don't want to live in this bleak future no more.
If you didn't know, platforms such as YouTube and Spotify will now be inquisitive of users they think are under 18. If their AI algorithms think you're underage, you'll be barred from using their platform until you show them your government ID or drivers license...
It doesn't make any sense! Why would we EVER give these companies our license??? The secret, sinister motive behind this is that they want a name and face on every internet user from now on, and basically want to live I. 1984. It's just sickening to even think about and I've been unhappy for a week at this point. Combine that with censorship of games and art online, I think the internet goose is cooked. What will we do???
All summer I was thinking of ways to grow my channel on YouTube. The Mega man video i posted on june 22nd did major numbers, but now with this age verification shit I don't even feel like posting or making anymore content knowing all this.
It feels sad right? Being sad because the internet is going to shit? But no! I don't want this! No one wants this! I just want to give up. I don't want to live in this bleak future no more.
Do not ever try and tell yourself to come back from a break after not enough time. I tried to make today work for me, but very quickly after my actual work I ran into a problem. I will not disclose any details about the conversation that took place or who this was with, but I am not going to be here again for quite some time. I also worry that I may start guilt tripping myself again into coming back later. That’s what happened last time.
For years I’ve had a growing fear of upsetting people, and my plan for the last two weeks to rebrand myself as someone who wants to be a new, more positive person failed spectacularly. I do not think this person meant to upset me this much, and they likely don’t know I’m feeling this upset right now at all. This person taught me something. I cannot continue worry about what other people think of me to this unhealthy of an extent. I font think any of us want this kind of behavior to evolve into something that becomes more… severe, if you know what I mean. I would like to think I’m not that far gone but after the conversation that took place yesterday I don’t know what to think. Let’s just say that some people with depression have a hard time expressing their feelings and leave it at that.
I want to preface something when I say this. I appreciate your concern, and I don’t mean this in the “I won’t want your help” sense. I’m just scared that if I start making this sound more dramatic than I’m already making it sound, people might start thinking I want to do something I don’t want to. And this already happened once. Back in college there was a specific incident that’s been completely lost to my memory and somehow this led to a false rumor spreading about me wanting to harm myself. I know this rumor is false because not only am I… well, me, but to this day the source of the rumor was never told to me, and I’ve been graduated for over a year now.
Anything else I can say beyond this point is going to sound overly dramatic. So I’m not going to say anything else. I’m going to be upset with myself no matter what I say in this post. I already waited an entire night to post this and that was after editing and proofreading it.
(doing this on an alt to get around my shyness)
I don't want to do this anymore.
In the last month I have been on the verge on crying multiple times, even crashed out.
I was a very good player but now I play half as well as I did before this started.
I tried taking a break but I never went far as I had that feeling that I will be rusty and play even worse if I take a longer break.
I am one inch away from fully quitting this game and distancing myself from the community, but deep inside I really don't want to.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I am writing it in an emotional state.
I wanted to get this off my chest as I was way too shy to share it with even my PS friends.
I don't want to do this anymore.
In the last month I have been on the verge on crying multiple times, even crashed out.
I was a very good player but now I play half as well as I did before this started.
I tried taking a break but I never went far as I had that feeling that I will be rusty and play even worse if I take a longer break.
I am one inch away from fully quitting this game and distancing myself from the community, but deep inside I really don't want to.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I am writing it in an emotional state.
I wanted to get this off my chest as I was way too shy to share it with even my PS friends.
I know I said I wasn’t going to be here for a quite a while, and that’s still true, but I did want to stop by and talk about a certain social networking platform.
If one thing has become immediately obvious to me over the past few months, I’ve started realizing I actively hate Discord like the plague. But… not for the reasons you might expect. If you search “Is Discord addictive?” online, this is one of the first pictures you’ll see, and I post this to emphasize a point I want to make. My class graduated high school during the pandemic and the large, large majority of my friends as well as myself are all working now. In that sense, yeah, it tracks that my friends are all going to want to use Discord a lot more this decade (2020-pres.).
The problem starts when I recall that I worry far too much about what other people think of me. I wouldn’t quite say any of us are addicted to this platform in the traditional sense, but, what I will say is that I’ve felt and uncomfortable amount of pressure to “be online more often”, whatever that means, during periods of time when I’m extra busy and have other things I want and/or need to focus on. It’s not any of my friends peer pressuring me to get online, though, that’s the catch. It’s me having done it to myself all this time. To me, talking online with other people, as convenient as it can be sometimes, completely lacks this kind of… I guess you could call it “authenticity” you’re getting from “real” human interaction. From my experience, all this platform is, is a wasteful boredom sink of my time and energy that also happens to have a deceptively high safety risk behind it, but that’s beside the point.
For several different reasons, I don’t talk with a lot of my friends, and by a lot I mean basically all of them, nearly as much as I used to. I also know I’m scared of having that conversation with some of them that I probably should delete my Discord account permanently so as to avoid getting myself even more addicted. Because here’s the thing, right- I might not actually spend X amount of hours on the platform every day, but what I am doing is constantly checking to see who’s online and if I have any unread messages in an effort to see if anyone “cares” or not. That’s… not a good thing. I’ve already been told that what I had wanted to do- not have a smartphone- isn’t an option at the moment, so the next best solution to helping myself become a healthier person- notice I didn’t necessarily say “better”- seems to be getting rid of my online media connections in most forms. Which sucks, because I cannot emphasize this enough, my friends are not bad people! I would like to believe most of them have my best interests in mind. When we do things in person with each other it always turns out great! But when we do things online, it feels awkward and uncomfortable and I find myself having to dance around the fact that I just do not care for video games nearly as much as we used to, nor do I want to touch a single game in my backlog that any of them may want me to play just so they have “somebody else to play with”. (And they wonder why one of the guys only plays single player games now.)
Escape while you still can. The more I’ve thought about it the more I try and stay away from the competitive side of the community with a ten foot pole. (I did say the phrase correctly, right?) “Escape” sounds like a bit of an extreme word, I get that, but if playing this game is making you feel these kinds of ways and you feel in your heart and your mind that the game and/or specific parts of the community are negatively affecting you, leaving is probably the best thing you could do in this case.
I want to not that just because you opt to leave doesn’t mean you’re a bad player. Take it from me- I’ve been calling myself a Mario Kart fan since the late 2000s, have played every game in the main series, and regularly run Time Trials in the newer installments, most recently in Mario Kart 7. However, the first time I finally got to go to a local LAN tournament scene for Mario Kart 8 Deluxe in 2023. I played absolutely horribly, so much so that I started questioning if it was because of my bottom tier build I was running or I was a lot worse at the game than I thought. My friends didn’t catch me doing it, but I was crying at one point and almost threatened to leave the venue just over halfway into the tournament.
The whole experience taught me something. For starters, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe’s meta is not balanced at all even after the patches. More importantly, though, I was letting a group of strangers I’ve never met in my life get into my head, and I was so focused on proving that I could be as good as I know I can play across the series that I lost sight of what made the games fun for me. I ended dropping 8 Deluxe entirely after my college graduation in 2024 and with World doing nothing to impress me even if the price was cheaper (in fact, this might be my least favorite game since Mario Kart 64), I don’t ever see myself getting back into the series nearly as much as I was “in my prime”, so to speak. But, you know what? For all the negative things I’ve said lately on this Smogon Forums account, quitting the games and the community is probably one of the best, most positive things I’ve done in a very long time and I’m way happier because of it.
If one thing has become immediately obvious to me over the past few months, I’ve started realizing I actively hate Discord like the plague. But… not for the reasons you might expect. If you search “Is Discord addictive?” online, this is one of the first pictures you’ll see, and I post this to emphasize a point I want to make. My class graduated high school during the pandemic and the large, large majority of my friends as well as myself are all working now. In that sense, yeah, it tracks that my friends are all going to want to use Discord a lot more this decade (2020-pres.).
The problem starts when I recall that I worry far too much about what other people think of me. I wouldn’t quite say any of us are addicted to this platform in the traditional sense, but, what I will say is that I’ve felt and uncomfortable amount of pressure to “be online more often”, whatever that means, during periods of time when I’m extra busy and have other things I want and/or need to focus on. It’s not any of my friends peer pressuring me to get online, though, that’s the catch. It’s me having done it to myself all this time. To me, talking online with other people, as convenient as it can be sometimes, completely lacks this kind of… I guess you could call it “authenticity” you’re getting from “real” human interaction. From my experience, all this platform is, is a wasteful boredom sink of my time and energy that also happens to have a deceptively high safety risk behind it, but that’s beside the point.
For several different reasons, I don’t talk with a lot of my friends, and by a lot I mean basically all of them, nearly as much as I used to. I also know I’m scared of having that conversation with some of them that I probably should delete my Discord account permanently so as to avoid getting myself even more addicted. Because here’s the thing, right- I might not actually spend X amount of hours on the platform every day, but what I am doing is constantly checking to see who’s online and if I have any unread messages in an effort to see if anyone “cares” or not. That’s… not a good thing. I’ve already been told that what I had wanted to do- not have a smartphone- isn’t an option at the moment, so the next best solution to helping myself become a healthier person- notice I didn’t necessarily say “better”- seems to be getting rid of my online media connections in most forms. Which sucks, because I cannot emphasize this enough, my friends are not bad people! I would like to believe most of them have my best interests in mind. When we do things in person with each other it always turns out great! But when we do things online, it feels awkward and uncomfortable and I find myself having to dance around the fact that I just do not care for video games nearly as much as we used to, nor do I want to touch a single game in my backlog that any of them may want me to play just so they have “somebody else to play with”. (And they wonder why one of the guys only plays single player games now.)
Escape while you still can. The more I’ve thought about it the more I try and stay away from the competitive side of the community with a ten foot pole. (I did say the phrase correctly, right?) “Escape” sounds like a bit of an extreme word, I get that, but if playing this game is making you feel these kinds of ways and you feel in your heart and your mind that the game and/or specific parts of the community are negatively affecting you, leaving is probably the best thing you could do in this case.
I want to not that just because you opt to leave doesn’t mean you’re a bad player. Take it from me- I’ve been calling myself a Mario Kart fan since the late 2000s, have played every game in the main series, and regularly run Time Trials in the newer installments, most recently in Mario Kart 7. However, the first time I finally got to go to a local LAN tournament scene for Mario Kart 8 Deluxe in 2023. I played absolutely horribly, so much so that I started questioning if it was because of my bottom tier build I was running or I was a lot worse at the game than I thought. My friends didn’t catch me doing it, but I was crying at one point and almost threatened to leave the venue just over halfway into the tournament.
The whole experience taught me something. For starters, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe’s meta is not balanced at all even after the patches. More importantly, though, I was letting a group of strangers I’ve never met in my life get into my head, and I was so focused on proving that I could be as good as I know I can play across the series that I lost sight of what made the games fun for me. I ended dropping 8 Deluxe entirely after my college graduation in 2024 and with World doing nothing to impress me even if the price was cheaper (in fact, this might be my least favorite game since Mario Kart 64), I don’t ever see myself getting back into the series nearly as much as I was “in my prime”, so to speak. But, you know what? For all the negative things I’ve said lately on this Smogon Forums account, quitting the games and the community is probably one of the best, most positive things I’ve done in a very long time and I’m way happier because of it.
I've gotten dumped quite a lot this year and it's becoming really depressing
I am secure enough to not let it affect my perception of myself but going on 9 dates within a year and none working out really has me bummed out
Like if it's a shitty date and it doesn't work out that's ok, but when I genuinely have fun and vibe with the person and it doesn't work because she's not over her ex, or didn't feel a spark or realised that she's in love with someone else, that just stinks man
I am secure enough to not let it affect my perception of myself but going on 9 dates within a year and none working out really has me bummed out
Like if it's a shitty date and it doesn't work out that's ok, but when I genuinely have fun and vibe with the person and it doesn't work because she's not over her ex, or didn't feel a spark or realised that she's in love with someone else, that just stinks man
Here’s a question I don’t think millions of people are ready to answer. Do you ever truly lose feelings for someone? Such a simple question and yet it says a lot about the complexity of the embarrassment we call “relationships”. I only say this because I myself don’t have this, but I’m glad at least one of us had that kind of personal security.
Me personally, I’d be giving up after the first two or three tries, and that’s being generous enough to assume I even want to schedule the darn thing. I mean this as a compliment- you’re definitely persistent. If someone can’t respect that about you, that’s on them, not you.
Even though my recent days have been going okay, I just want to respond to you. I get you dude. Yesterday I went on a mass rambling session on r/stunfisk about a problem of mine on Smogon and I got ridiculed. I decided to take a hiatus from Pokémon (not really but i stopped stressing myself out) and to forget about the ordeal, I watched my favourite show, Home Movies. I feel like you'd like it, it shows someone (Brendon Small) being passionate and the problems he faces. If you don't have time, you can watch EmpLemon's video essay on it and you'd basically get the gist. And while I watched the show, a thought of mine with the voice of Coach McGuirk sparked: "No one cares about you Brendon, so you shouldn't talk about whatever sob story you have. Because Brendon, if you tell everyone your sob story and they agree, you'll get cocky and people will see you as a sob story dumper. But if they don't agree, you'll get even sobbier and tell more sob stories. Be right back Brendon, the stripper I bought is here". Basically; barely anyone cares about you but that means there will be people who adore you; who would listen to you even if an earthquake was going on. That was an exaggeration but you get what I mean. Also, there's a fine line between passion and addiction. I don't know the extent of your pokemon addiction but I'd like to help you out since I relate to you on most levels. If you want to open up more with me, give my discord account (surminader) a DM! Glad I could help! :)