Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

[FireBlaze]

(TRIGGER WARNING) (I'm talking about my reasoning for not posting anything in here besides just off topic things, and still haven't posted my story, there are a few triggering moments.)












I






Well, I'm come to a sort of decision, I'd like to vent my story here, but I'm worried to do so, It's quite horrfic, and those that have heard it, often where speechless and didn't talk to me till the next day. And most of my sharing of it, was only so that I could get an answer to save my soul from this terrible lifestyle as well as vent, perhaps in the end it's not about getting an answer, I don't know what would come out with me sharing, The story is quite much to take in, and I myself having lived through it, have had a changed perspective, for better or for worse. I eventually vented it on Pokémon Showdown, to friends I had, which was, a terrible idea, but being left with no options I couldn't face that pain anymore alone. I eventually started just spamming that I wanted to take my life in THP in hopes someone would message me and help me, Of course they banned me, and that's the right thing to do in that scenario, the purpose of this message isn't to hate on THP or yet again really get an understanding why they did that. I know why they did that and it was justified I guess, but to overall give me a sense of what direction do I take this in. I ought to feel that they at least should try to help me. I don't know, it's a "happy place isn't it?" besides giving me a hotline link that is controlled by volunteered people, that also cannot help me. (I actually tried it at least 50 times.) Therapy is sadly out of the question. And I just keep falling further and further, I probably just say I want to kill myself these days, because it's a coping response and I have nothing else to face to an ideal of help, and
that in the end probably wouldn't just threaten others that I would if this continues, on and on, in other words, just threatening them to help me or I die, I don't know if I'm manipulative or not because of this, At this point you've broken at least 10 barriers of what the meaning of "Pain is"
And cannot realize how worse it can get till it furthers in.
If I feel discomfort after sending this, I'll probably delete it in the future. And No, I don't expect a answer back, not that because I think poorly of you, It's just a lot to take in by the end of the day, and I respect you if you, do, or don't reply.
But by the end of the day, I don't want people just replying because they feel bad for me, I will not take sympathy.
I really don't know anymore of this world, or it's ideals, or ideas, everything is hazy and quite unknown I do not know of myself, my friends or the intent of others.
Who knew Fiction could do this to you??
-DKG.

 

[yureion]

I was watching a vid earlier about the how mentality "Men don't cry" being BS from a sports realm broken down into a mental & societal breakdown (i'll link it, it was pretty damn good)

I say this to say as a younger soul I was always the one in tune with my emotions (which is funny cus its somewhat counter to this video, but ends up at the same goal and mental fortitude) and got given stuff cus I was (back then i was overweight) big kid, into art/music (albeit still good at sports but to shy/out of shape to try out for my school teams, i played organized elsewhere where school shitheads werent an issue) - but over years i felt my ability to be, stand strong in, understand others, and be there for emotion(ally) started being taken advantage of.
Talked about my years of the ex stuff/homeless awhile/fam burdens(/not to mention losing 140+lbs and knowing im above the fickle ridicule too) etc PLENTY here won't beat anyone over the head with it anymore - but after awhile it made me.... well.... quite fucking angry.

*and here is where my point lies* being able to be emotional is POWERFUL if you learn to channel it (as said video says - but if the only one you have mastered is "Anger" shows you're still emotionally immature, some take well into middle age to outgrow this; hell some never do -- video talks about it.)
I'll be the first to admit I lost my way for awhile and forgot how to be my "Sensitive but firm" man my grandpa & father esp taught me to be after years of hurt but coming back seeing that video felt like "Sometimes life just lobs ya things ya now ya needed to see"

My lady told me herself when we watched it earlier: "So you're telling me I just needed to make a youtube video about it with football references for you to get it?" (Anger is reserved for the world/goals blocked by it; never my lady & family lol) and i ofc apologized and thanked her for being so patient.
We shared a laugh with it before the "Okay cuddle time" zone lol.

 

[Setsu]

just venting

Its been a really long while of me being here, Its weird cause every time I keep thinking to myself I havent made enough friends cause I am new, yet its really been 4 years since I got a blunder vid on my youtube feed. On one hand, I think the hours and hours I have spent here are not worth the effort, I dont feel appreciated as a person nor staff. On the other, its so hard to leave behind the few friends I have made here. If I could blame 2 people from keeping me locked here it would be Weaselfie and Mada. Yet there are so many people I cant really call close friends, but which I appreciate for them being part of it all. Everyone in Mexico has been nothing but kind to me, even when I acted so self centered when I first met them, they are very cool. Every regular in OU room... man, Idt they would call me their friend, but when I came back after an ~7-8 month break they would all say hi, ask how I had been and stuff, it was a really nice feeling.

I was dealing with a lot back when I left, yet I could have kept all my stuff and just say I would be gone for a bit, you know, make an effort. But the decision wasnt very hard, I really felt miserable here. Saying I wasnt appreciated is a way to put it, I doubt anyone knew nor cared how much I was doing not only position wise, but actively doing stuff. But I was just doing all that cause I enjoyed it. I enjoy making 100 rfaqs a day in OU room, I like being there all day lol, I liked yapping about changes in sets for the smogdex, I liked making sure that everything was running fine with forum projects, I wanted to help my friends in their tours. No one forced me nor did I ever feel forced to do any of those things. I felt useless at times sure, but the feeling wouldnt last long and I figured I was just doing stuff I liked.

I think what really annoyed and continues to annoy me is talking to a wall and then sometimes the wall turns into a person and asks me why I havent been talking to it. It really is disheartening. So many ideas, so many messages, so many times I asked others around me to do something, or for feedback, and so many times it ended in silence. Imagine my frustration when they brought it up again weeks or months later as if I hadnt been yapping about it. It sounds like such a dumb issue, and it is! But man, I really cared about all my stuff, and that happening literally every day was so hurtful. You dont have to search very deep to find examples, my CC gray badge itself is one.

I tried so hard to improve whatever place I ended up in. I am super shitty to work with, I am sure even the people who have had to deal with me the longest think that. But please do know that everything I try to do, even if its a completely bad idea, comes from a place of care. I guess I am still hurt I didnt really get other people asking how I was once I got back, but I supposed thats how it is I cant really ask them to do that. I can only ask you to please reach out to fellow friends and users if you think they might not be feeling their best.

Please do remember yourself that mental health will always be more important than whatever is going on in a Pokemon site. Try to be here to have fun!

 

[Adeleine]

just venting

Its been a really long while of me being here, Its weird cause every time I keep thinking to myself I havent made enough friends cause I am new, yet its really been 4 years since I got a blunder vid on my youtube feed. On one hand, I think the hours and hours I have spent here are not worth the effort, I dont feel appreciated as a person nor staff. On the other, its so hard to leave behind the few friends I have made here. If I could blame 2 people from keeping me locked here it would be Weaselfie and Mada. Yet there are so many people I cant really call close friends, but which I appreciate for them being part of it all. Everyone in Mexico has been nothing but kind to me, even when I acted so self centered when I first met them, they are very cool. Every regular in OU room... man, Idt they would call me their friend, but when I came back after an ~7-8 month break they would all say hi, ask how I had been and stuff, it was a really nice feeling.

I was dealing with a lot back when I left, yet I could have kept all my stuff and just say I would be gone for a bit, you know, make an effort. But the decision wasnt very hard, I really felt miserable here. Saying I wasnt appreciated is a way to put it, I doubt anyone knew nor cared how much I was doing not only position wise, but actively doing stuff. But I was just doing all that cause I enjoyed it. I enjoy making 100 rfaqs a day in OU room, I like being there all day lol, I liked yapping about changes in sets for the smogdex, I liked making sure that everything was running fine with forum projects, I wanted to help my friends in their tours. No one forced me nor did I ever feel forced to do any of those things. I felt useless at times sure, but the feeling wouldnt last long and I figured I was just doing stuff I liked.

I think what really annoyed and continues to annoy me is talking to a wall and then sometimes the wall turns into a person and asks me why I havent been talking to it. It really is disheartening. So many ideas, so many messages, so many times I asked others around me to do something, or for feedback, and so many times it ended in silence. Imagine my frustration when they brought it up again weeks or months later as if I hadnt been yapping about it. It sounds like such a dumb issue, and it is! But man, I really cared about all my stuff, and that happening literally every day was so hurtful. You dont have to search very deep to find examples, my CC gray badge itself is one.

I tried so hard to improve whatever place I ended up in. I am super shitty to work with, I am sure even the people who have had to deal with me the longest think that. But please do know that everything I try to do, even if its a completely bad idea, comes from a place of care. I guess I am still hurt I didnt really get other people asking how I was once I got back, but I supposed thats how it is I cant really ask them to do that. I can only ask you to please reach out to fellow friends and users if you think they might not be feeling their best.

Please do remember yourself that mental health will always be more important than whatever is going on in a Pokemon site. Try to be here to have fun!

As another disaffected former staff and contributor, I can relate to a lot here. (Don't mind my non-grey badges, all of them besides SDC should realistically be gray.) The struggle of trying to go above and beyond to get stuff done when other people don't really care or respond, and still not being really appreciated or cared for at all, that definitely stings a bit haha.

You're not alone on the "not having made a ton of friends" front, for sure. A significant issue of my earlier tenure here is that I heavily overestimated the amount of friends I had made. There were a lot of people I was on good terms with, and talked with fine, and all that, but I was too trusting in other people and overestimated how close we were. An alarming number of my former "friends" got demoted and/or banned in disgrace, but the truth was, I wasn't close friends with 98% of them anyway, they were acquaintances I got along well with for a time.

Nowadays, I have about 5 true friends on the site, give or take. (If I went back and considered my entire 10+ year history, I'd maybe add a couple more past friends, and that's about it.) And I'm happy with my current situation, honestly. I've settled down from thinking I was everyone's friend, which was always unrealistic, to better understanding that I've build a deeper connection with a few people, which is more real and feels more real. I've stopped doing work in places where I felt unappreciated, and wound down to chatting in places where I naturally have fun doing that thing anyway. After putting so much more into PS/Smogon than I received, I realized this place wasn't going to be that big a part of my life, and that's okay.

The truth just is that, especially on the internet, most people we meet won't have a deep personal connection with us and deeply care about our fate, no matter how much good work we do. But that almost makes the deeper connections we do build more special anyway, doesn't it? And plus, just like you said, there's a ton of other people who are doing great stuff and who I think are neat, even if I can't call them close friends, and I appreciate them.

 

[M2H]

I have no real friends anymore, or maybe I never did. I have no family. I have no partner. I don't really enjoy doing anything anymore. My job is about as stress free as it could possibly be but it still takes about all the energy I have. With the uncertainty of federal jobs ATM I can't even count on that anymore. I do is go to work, go to the gym, and come home and scroll or play social games. My dream is that one day I could be socially attractive enough to have a social life or partner. I would do literally anything if it gave me a realistic chance of reaching that goal. But nothing I do ever works. I'm not suicidal but every day that goes by I am a little more miserable and a little less hopeful that I can ever get towards a life worth living.

 

[QuickBH]

I have no real friends anymore, or maybe I never did. I have no family. I have no partner. I don't really enjoy doing anything anymore. My job is about as stress free as it could possibly be but it still takes about all the energy I have. With the uncertainty of federal jobs ATM I can't even count on that anymore. I do is go to work, go to the gym, and come home and scroll or play social games. My dream is that one day I could be socially attractive enough to have a social life or partner. I would do literally anything if it gave me a realistic chance of reaching that goal. But nothing I do ever works. I'm not suicidal but every day that goes by I am a little more miserable and a little less hopeful that I can ever get towards a life worth living.

Find a hobby you like or something else as a goal and make that the reason why you get up every day. (Something that isn't purely for entertainment is ideal since even if you aren't having fun you won't feel like you're wasting your life away) Friendships are something impossible to chase because if you do and a socially aware person senses that they'll go out of their way to abuse it. There isn't a single friendship I've maintained that isn't because of a shared interest and most of them can forgive the fact that your social skills are in the negatives as long as you don't come off as being rude.

 

[Blaze]

just venting

Its been a really long while of me being here, Its weird cause every time I keep thinking to myself I havent made enough friends cause I am new, yet its really been 4 years since I got a blunder vid on my youtube feed. On one hand, I think the hours and hours I have spent here are not worth the effort, I dont feel appreciated as a person nor staff. On the other, its so hard to leave behind the few friends I have made here. If I could blame 2 people from keeping me locked here it would be Weaselfie and Mada. Yet there are so many people I cant really call close friends, but which I appreciate for them being part of it all. Everyone in Mexico has been nothing but kind to me, even when I acted so self centered when I first met them, they are very cool. Every regular in OU room... man, Idt they would call me their friend, but when I came back after an ~7-8 month break they would all say hi, ask how I had been and stuff, it was a really nice feeling.

I was dealing with a lot back when I left, yet I could have kept all my stuff and just say I would be gone for a bit, you know, make an effort. But the decision wasnt very hard, I really felt miserable here. Saying I wasnt appreciated is a way to put it, I doubt anyone knew nor cared how much I was doing not only position wise, but actively doing stuff. But I was just doing all that cause I enjoyed it. I enjoy making 100 rfaqs a day in OU room, I like being there all day lol, I liked yapping about changes in sets for the smogdex, I liked making sure that everything was running fine with forum projects, I wanted to help my friends in their tours. No one forced me nor did I ever feel forced to do any of those things. I felt useless at times sure, but the feeling wouldnt last long and I figured I was just doing stuff I liked.

I think what really annoyed and continues to annoy me is talking to a wall and then sometimes the wall turns into a person and asks me why I havent been talking to it. It really is disheartening. So many ideas, so many messages, so many times I asked others around me to do something, or for feedback, and so many times it ended in silence. Imagine my frustration when they brought it up again weeks or months later as if I hadnt been yapping about it. It sounds like such a dumb issue, and it is! But man, I really cared about all my stuff, and that happening literally every day was so hurtful. You dont have to search very deep to find examples, my CC gray badge itself is one.

I tried so hard to improve whatever place I ended up in. I am super shitty to work with, I am sure even the people who have had to deal with me the longest think that. But please do know that everything I try to do, even if its a completely bad idea, comes from a place of care. I guess I am still hurt I didnt really get other people asking how I was once I got back, but I supposed thats how it is I cant really ask them to do that. I can only ask you to please reach out to fellow friends and users if you think they might not be feeling their best.

Please do remember yourself that mental health will always be more important than whatever is going on in a Pokemon site. Try to be here to have fun!

I know we don’t speak everyday but as I said before I genuinely appreciated your efforts (I said this many times before but let me reiterate) not only that as person I respect that you always put 110% into what you do and I have no doubts in my mind in real life you are a hard worker because you are ambitious. Please keep your head up. I’ve learned that the word “Friend” I have also used too lightly in real life as well. I found myself using the word acquaintance more often. I found the word “friend” should not be used lightly and that applies to here and all aspects of life. Keep it pushing Queen.

 

[Blaze]

I have no real friends anymore, or maybe I never did. I have no family. I have no partner. I don't really enjoy doing anything anymore. My job is about as stress free as it could possibly be but it still takes about all the energy I have. With the uncertainty of federal jobs ATM I can't even count on that anymore. I do is go to work, go to the gym, and come home and scroll or play social games. My dream is that one day I could be socially attractive enough to have a social life or partner. I would do literally anything if it gave me a realistic chance of reaching that goal. But nothing I do ever works. I'm not suicidal but every day that goes by I am a little more miserable and a little less hopeful that I can ever get towards a life worth living.

Hey I know you are probably in a phase of life where you feel that everything has come to a standstill. I too have felt this and at one point very lonely. I suggest trying something new, go somewhere and see a different scenery. One day I started talking positivity into myself even though at the moment I didn’t fully believe it. It’s ok to tell yourself “I want change” in the mirror ain’t nothing wrong with that. I have faith you’re find yourself and the pieces you are missing as life is a journey and we handle our challenges as we go. Please keep me updated on any changes and I wish you the absolute best!

 

[NDK]

So this will be a large vent of many of my problems so here goes nothing:
Its Been over 3 years since I've started really posting on Smogon, and it has been a wild ride. I don't think I have done much on Smogon. Yes, I did do some small stuff here and there, but I have never really done anything that I consider big on Smogon. I want to achieve more, I want to have a bunch of badges to show off my hard work. But I am extremely lazy, and as a result I don't do that much, whether that be in both real life and in Smogon. Laddering, Preparing for tours, Writing Analyses/Spotlights takes a lot of energy, which I don't always have, so sometimes I reuse teams, or procrastinate on assignments. Part of this is because I feel like I am extremely lazy. Because of these things, I feel a great discontent with myself, as I don't believe in my own abilities. In addition to this, I am also extremely shy, and as a result I don't usually reach out to others first. I instead wait for someone to reach out to me instead. I think this is partly due to my neurodiversity, as I double and triple check to make sure I am not breaking some sort of unspoken rule. I find myself envying those that are in friend groups, and who have a lot of friends, and who have a lot of badges on Smogon. Obviously I am thinking a little too much about pixels on a Pokemon forum, but I just want to make friends, and I feel like I have a lot of trouble doing that. I also feel like I push people away sometimes, as my cold demeanor and not always being available might drive some people away

 

[yureion]

Met a dude at work earlier today that seen my name badge (ironically it's not my actual name - it's my nickname my (RIP) ex/bestie gave me) and he goes "Yuri? What are you like... Norwegian or sumn?" (I'm not - I'm a European mutt but Norway isn't one, Sweden is close - mainly ***Irish***/Italian/Czech if we talking blood lol) and I said no it's a nickname my name is Josh" and he goes "My buddy Billy had a son named Josh before our lives got busy with family life"
and I mentioned my last name and his eyes lit up.
He knew my dad from days of going to all the rock/country/etc shows in the 70s even if they had to hitchhike
He shared some fun memories, he obv restricted some im sure knowing im his son respecting his memory (if he only knew shit my dad use to tell me lmao) but it was nice.
Any energy that keeps his energy going still is a god send.

We laughed how me and my friends use to scrap metal and all we'd get into with that to get to old punk & the juggalo shows we liked and he was like "yup your dad, our friends and i use to finds ways to scrap money together for anything we wanted to do and just do it"

was a nice conversation tbh.

 

[pengu]

Unfortunately, yesterday was the day that me and my family collectively decided to put down my dog. She was suffering from cancer and had a really rough night, and we knew it was the end for her. She wasn’t acting the same, always hiding.

The fact that this had to happen crushed me. I still had school to get to, and a day to go through. I didn’t want to get out of bed. My dog was what made me happy without failure. I do have two others (proud dog owner), but it won’t be the same without Khaleesi (my late dog’s name).

She was a big dog, being a Doberman. But, despite her size, she was always mellow and serene, but still always in the mood for rubs or just cuddles.

RIP Khaleesi, I promise I won’t forget you. You’re in a better place now.

Photos

 

[yureion]

Pengu I'm sorry friend, when my cocker spaniel died years back it rocked me too - got a wonderful 4 pushing 5 year old basset hound now and whenever that demon thought creeps i wanna throw the world away before it even happens. i actually intend to get a lil pup as he gets older for him to teach to be a good boy like he is - wish i did that with Max (Cocker Spaniel)
I wish you and your loved ones all the heals atm, beautiful Pup btw, may your Puppah rest well.

 

[ULTRA SPACE JAM]

So, I'm not quite sure where this would go between the physical health/fitness thread and here, but I thought here would be a bit safer of a bet since it's been messing me up pretty bad.

cw: vent, bad injury, surgery, needles, etc. (bunch of medical stuff really)

I broke my ankle on Monday. It's a pretty bad break - all of the stability it had is gone. My tibia's snapped off at kind of a weird angle and one of my tendons (don't remember which - it had a really long name and I only got told it once at around 3:00 AM) also got knocked out of place. I got to the ER at around 8:30 PM and ended up staying until around 4:00 AM, when they finally let me go with some crutches and a splint.

First off, this splint is driving me crazy already. It's really heavy and clunky compared to how my leg was before the break, and it's made things I'd normally be able to do just fine into being borderline impossible. It's also making my foot/ankle/lower leg area ache a lot. I feel really powerless, for lack of a better way of describing it. I understand that I need it on, but god does it suck. Where it's really affecting me, though, is when I need to sleep. It's ungodly amounts of uncomfortable; I usually sleep on my side and hug my pillow, but I straight up can't do that now. I have to lay flat on my back, which is really not comfortable for me. I slept pretty bad the night I got home and last night, so... Yeah.

And then there's the fact that I have surgery on Friday... I'm really worried about it, even though they say I'm in good hands. I hate, hate, hate, hate needles, and I know they're gonna put one in me for anesthesia (through an IV). I also just... really don't like the idea of surgery. First off, I'm getting screws and plates in my ankle, and second off, I'm just... afraid of what could happen. What if I wake up during it? What if something goes wrong? What if I get an infection (this was a risk actively discussed with me)? Oh, and they're putting on another fucking splint after they're done, and this one has to stay on for a couple weeks before I get to move to a boot. I'm overall just in a huge slump because of this whole thing, and I have no idea how to deal with any of it...

It's gonna be a really rough however-many-weeks/months of recovery. Not at all looking forward to it.

 

[yureion]

Ive recently united a bunch of people ("friends") that are finding a way together with their financial situations; they all hit it off swimmingly and are essentially as friendly to each other as I knew they were to me (thus me introducing them)

That said i've seen in recent times I've been the odd one out amongst them -- and that'd be fine considering they're tryna find a living space together [intertwined focused energy to provide for selves - i get it], but then I hear words about like "Oh Josh wasn't around cus -insert whoever- was" and I'm like aye - no, stop that.
1) One of my (RIP) Father's line he drilled into my skull was: "Never let someone feel like you aren't where you belong" - so that's a dub off rip.
and 2) If you really my homie you know I don't ever like anyone speaking for me if i'm not present ---- I give everyone else the same honor. Don't cross me on that.
Once I see people tryna drive wedges I gotta call it out - they always play it off jokingly and I'm like That ain't a joke to me - don't joke or project my feelings, I get along with all unless I got a reason not too.
If I feel a way about a person/an action they did I speak to them, I don't speak to "My safe space" about it, cus that's how being soft becomes a thing - be an adult, discuss disputes & differences like one is my motto. --- I respect people enough to be willing to hear them out rather than running to a personal cave (safe zone) to talk nonsense.
that is one thing I'm starting to dislike, idc how close yall get --- clearly yall want it to be a pissing contest (cus they just dont just like i dont take their bubble of concern as serious for self as they do for themselves --- im there for you as a friend but I already got mine, you all literally only met cus I helped some of yall get yours.... don't be angry at me that I dont take this job we all share as serious. I only take it serious in the sense in "Get it done, do it right, and go tf home" idc about any other concerns cus this is a job I denied going up the ladder in numerous times.

I respect you all want to and it'll help secure ya'lls future at no point have I belittled that other than when asked why I don't want it (said I dont think the upper management appreciates anyone and just looks at people as tools, not humans, so i wont - im a punk music kid at heart, i may need to pay bills but dignity > $$$) ---- just dont make me feel like the odd one out cus I dont take shit as serious as you in the sense of wanting more - I already been here longer than all you..... I've proven I'll do this, I just don't want that lol.
I don't think I'm above or anything alike saying idc, i'm just admitting i dont want what yall do in a work sense, I so wish yall the best however living together.

But no probably won't be chilling over there that much seeing how fugazi yall got over this thinking just cus yall want something ill ride with it.
(Promise this is no petty) but why put myself out when people are already weird towards me and already owe me/my fam money? (a thing to this day I still keep quiet cus 1) I get it, life sucks but 2) now yall being weird, this my back pocket now if it has to be.
Be glad I'm gracious enough to coexist and wish yall well. Lets keep it that way.

I know I'm not the easiest to know cus I like being left tf alone 95% the time unless you're my girl or dog lol... but my best friend of 20 years (he'd be the 3rd one who can hmu whenever) so to see the new energy around him change his energy to me makes me wanna just go petty mode but I'm tryna preserve my own peace.....

I won't cus it'd be a dick move to do so and justify their crusty cornball energy, I just think it's pretty dick move on their part to have me introduce them all then be different towards me cus I don't think their favorite thing is my favorite thing to super dumb it down. I've literally aided them all along the way, so why be brand new now? Especially if y'all still expect to be around me lol.

Moms was right as a kid --- Never work with friends lol.

 

[emptywisdom]

as a teenager, i had the symptoms of an oncoming heart attack so i asked my mom to drive me to a hospital. she simply didn't feel like it, so i called emergency services and took an ambulance. i was treated and discharged without anybody in my family visiting and when i called to ask my mom for a ride home she was upset that i went to the hospital and refused to get me. i walked several miles home and was scolded upon return. i accrued thousands of dollars of preventable debt and saved my own life, but for what? i didn't have much of a life to save.

 

[earl]

as a teenager, i had the symptoms of an oncoming heart attack so i asked my mom to drive me to a hospital. she simply didn't feel like it, so i called emergency services and took an ambulance. i was treated and discharged without anybody in my family visiting and when i called to ask my mom for a ride home she was upset that i went to the hospital and refused to get me. i walked several miles home and was scolded upon return. i accrued thousands of dollars of preventable debt and saved my own life, but for what? i didn't have much of a life to save.

real Q, was it an actual heart attack oncoming or just anxiety symptoms? exact thing has happened to me in the past, my anxiety response is chest pain and various other (perceived) heart attack symptoms. By all accounts a young person experiencing those symptoms is not actually at risk of a heart attack. (either way sorry ur family responded like that)

 

[emptywisdom]

real Q, was it an actual heart attack oncoming or just anxiety symptoms? exact thing has happened to me in the past, my anxiety response is chest pain and various other (perceived) heart attack symptoms. By all accounts a young person experiencing those symptoms is not actually at risk of a heart attack. (either way sorry ur family responded like that)

both, and rec drug abuse.

 

[ryan]

So this will be a large vent of many of my problems so here goes nothing:
Its Been over 3 years since I've started really posting on Smogon, and it has been a wild ride. I don't think I have done much on Smogon. Yes, I did do some small stuff here and there, but I have never really done anything that I consider big on Smogon. I want to achieve more, I want to have a bunch of badges to show off my hard work. But I am extremely lazy, and as a result I don't do that much, whether that be in both real life and in Smogon. Laddering, Preparing for tours, Writing Analyses/Spotlights takes a lot of energy, which I don't always have, so sometimes I reuse teams, or procrastinate on assignments. Part of this is because I feel like I am extremely lazy. Because of these things, I feel a great discontent with myself, as I don't believe in my own abilities. In addition to this, I am also extremely shy, and as a result I don't usually reach out to others first. I instead wait for someone to reach out to me instead. I think this is partly due to my neurodiversity, as I double and triple check to make sure I am not breaking some sort of unspoken rule. I find myself envying those that are in friend groups, and who have a lot of friends, and who have a lot of badges on Smogon. Obviously I am thinking a little too much about pixels on a Pokemon forum, but I just want to make friends, and I feel like I have a lot of trouble doing that. I also feel like I push people away sometimes, as my cold demeanor and not always being available might drive some people away

i'm quite late to this but hope it's still valuable. bearing in mind that i'm no professional, a lot of what you post here echoes my experience with depression. lack of energy, lethargy, and being self-critical of these feelings can create a spiral that grows and expands to other facets of your life.

i'm a huge advocate for therapy but recognize that it is not necessarily easily accessible and that it has its limitations. what i would recommend to anyone in your position if you're open to advice is focusing on your physical wellness. eat healthy, unprocessed foods that nourish you. get adequate, consistent rest. practice some form of exercise each day, even if it's a 15 minute walk outdoors. particularly if you struggle with overweight or obesity, it's critical to move your body, and the intensity of that movement does not need to be substantial in order for it to be impactful. none of this will fix all of the things that you don't like about yourself or your life, but it will give you more energy and help put you in a better position to tackle everything else.

i won't steer you away from contributing here and trying to earn badges; doing so was very important to me at one time and brought me a lot of joy. just don't use it as an escapism to avoid the very real problems that are detracting from your wellness.

good luck friend

 

[Eledyr]

And here I am again. Despite everything, I'm facing a new spike in difficulty with my mental health. Following several issues with anxiety recently, I was given an increased treatment of sertralin. And since this change, I've been facing a constant anxiety, tiredness, and feeling of interior emptiness. I was assured by my psychiatrist that this is due to the treatment, and it's only temporary, yet this is terribly difficult to support. Especially given that, I'm basically forced to rest, yet I have so much duties to do with my studies, and it makes me feel extremely guilty of being lazy.

 

[Local Dog]

And here I am again. Despite everything, I'm facing a new spike in difficulty with my mental health. Following several issues with anxiety recently, I was given an increased treatment of sertralin. And since this change, I've been facing a constant anxiety, tiredness, and feeling of interior emptiness. I was assured by my psychiatrist that this is due to the treatment, and it's only temporary, yet this is terribly difficult to support. Especially given that, I'm basically forced to rest, yet I have so much duties to do with my studies, and it makes me feel extremely guilty of being lazy.

have you tried melatonin?

I take 5mg sometimes before I go to bed when I am stressed and struggle with sleeping. It usually doesn't do much but it helps a lot to calm my sleep and to keep it deep throughout the night when I feel anxious. And when I am able to rest well, I do much better with my anxiety

I hope you adjust soon. I struggled with ssri uptakes and reductions a lot too, the anxiety from that is wild

 

[Local Dog]

Anybody else have stomach issues?

(TW kinda gross)

I get stomach pain and sick and sometimes really bad diarrhea from my anxiety. I can deal with pain well usually but I freak out when it's something from my stomach, like I think I will die when I have pain there or get unconscious on the toilet and get bad panic attacks which makes a nasty cycle. I will go to my doctor and ask if I could have IBS

Anybody have ways to cope? I try to distract myself when I have these issues but it's though

 

[PKMNSyndicate]

Anybody else have stomach issues?

(TW kinda gross)

I get stomach pain and sick and sometimes really bad diarrhea from my anxiety. I can deal with pain well usually but I freak out when it's something from my stomach, like I think I will die when I have pain there or get unconscious on the toilet and get bad panic attacks which makes a nasty cycle. I will go to my doctor and ask if I could have IBS

Anybody have ways to cope? I try to distract myself when I have these issues but it's though

How's your general health in terms of what you eat, how much you sleep and work out per week? Anything within your reach that you can slightly adjust and monitor how it affects you over time?


As for me, yeah I'm usually upset because of the consequences of life and what it presents to me, but I just do different things to get my mind off of it as I build for a better tomorrow. Eat healthy with local grocery items, exercise every other day, plan for my future weeks of game (on an entertainment break), keep trying to build future income with jobs, tutorials and other content.

I control my perspective now. The suffering doesn't stop but I simply redirect to something else or choose to suffer. But it's under my terms.

 

[mcribs]

I never really wanted to admit this

But i may have a problem with alcohol.

A couple days ago in school, all i was thinking of for a while was beer. I wanted that feeling of comfort that day i guess. I think its probably something stress related. I havent been doing as well in school as last semester, and im just unhappy with my grades in general. SAT prep and summer camp arent helping me as well. Im not sure what to do right now honestly

 

[Local Dog]

How's your general health in terms of what you eat, how much you sleep and work out per week? Anything within your reach that you can slightly adjust and monitor how it affects you over time?

my general, physical health is excellent. Blood pressure of 115/75 with a resting pulse of 55, blood work is wonderful, hormones look good, around 3 hours of strength and 1.5-2 hours of cardio per week with 10k steps daily, no highly processed foods, no tobacco, no alcohol... My biggest issue would be sleep, I don't get a lot of that. Beyond that, I have some premature ventricular contractions, but I am on a low dose of beta blockers and didn't have heartracing once since a started taking them. Will have a 24 ECG in May to clear up where it comes from, my MRI, ultrasound, etc were all alright

I don't know, I guess it's just how my stomach and brain work together? I get heartburn from stress and anxiety too. But it's getting better. When my stomach acts up, I go to the toilet with my phone and I calm myself with that if something happens, I have immediate access to an ambulance with my phone. And I learnt that it usually gets much better after drinking some hot water

That's a really good mindset you have. I try to do the same

 

[Local Dog]

I never really wanted to admit this

But i may have a problem with alcohol.

A couple days ago in school, all i was thinking of for a while was beer. I wanted that feeling of comfort that day i guess. I think its probably something stress related. I havent been doing as well in school as last semester, and im just unhappy with my grades in general. SAT prep and summer camp arent helping me as well. Im not sure what to do right now honestly

Honestly it's great that you realize that at age 16. I've met people who only realized their issues in the 30s, 40s, 50s, when their bodies were already messed up and the dependency went very deep

Are there resources that can help you? Anonymous alcoholics, support institutions, therapy? I didn't have issues with substances myself but I did some social work in an asylum and the people there with addictions reported very very positively about these places