Hi,
I'm not writing this post to complain or be pitied, just to get it all out in the open, even if I don't understand anything.
At this moment my world is duller than ever, devoid of color, warmth and joy, yet nothing has really changed. I have friends, family, why isn't that enough? What's happening to me?
Since this harassment, nothing is the same anymore, and no matter how much I use violence to move forward, I see my smile every day, more and more distorted, disappearing, and my soul getting colder and colder. Yet, I should have overcome this discomfort and move forward, proud to have survived hell, but it is not the case.
My father rejected me too, I am not a man for him. I am a "bisexual jerk" to him, and since I dropped out of school, he doesn't care about me. Anyway, it's better than insults, we'll say, he prefers to drown in alcohol, and I sometimes wonder if it's not my fate.
I isolate myself, and this isolation will kill me. A song does not replace the shoulders of a friend. I can't tell anyone, I'm just nonexistent. My friends don't need me, my family doesn't need me, there is no hope, no one can save me. I don't know when, but I know that one day I will jump into the void.
The void has invaded me, and it will never go away, between questioning and frustration of not understanding, I am fighting against myself, and I will not win this fight, it will only condemn me.
I don't have any quality, no passion animates me anymore, and I am more and more aggressive and distant, as if I wanted to be hated so that no one would cry for me. No one will want a larva, for a job, to start a family. As if a trash can find love, it's completely grotesque. Who knows, if one day a spark of life is rekindled, maybe...
Thank you for reading me, and sorry for wasting your time.
I'm not writing this post to complain or be pitied, just to get it all out in the open, even if I don't understand anything.
At this moment my world is duller than ever, devoid of color, warmth and joy, yet nothing has really changed. I have friends, family, why isn't that enough? What's happening to me?
Since this harassment, nothing is the same anymore, and no matter how much I use violence to move forward, I see my smile every day, more and more distorted, disappearing, and my soul getting colder and colder. Yet, I should have overcome this discomfort and move forward, proud to have survived hell, but it is not the case.
My father rejected me too, I am not a man for him. I am a "bisexual jerk" to him, and since I dropped out of school, he doesn't care about me. Anyway, it's better than insults, we'll say, he prefers to drown in alcohol, and I sometimes wonder if it's not my fate.
I isolate myself, and this isolation will kill me. A song does not replace the shoulders of a friend. I can't tell anyone, I'm just nonexistent. My friends don't need me, my family doesn't need me, there is no hope, no one can save me. I don't know when, but I know that one day I will jump into the void.
The void has invaded me, and it will never go away, between questioning and frustration of not understanding, I am fighting against myself, and I will not win this fight, it will only condemn me.
I don't have any quality, no passion animates me anymore, and I am more and more aggressive and distant, as if I wanted to be hated so that no one would cry for me. No one will want a larva, for a job, to start a family. As if a trash can find love, it's completely grotesque. Who knows, if one day a spark of life is rekindled, maybe...
Thank you for reading me, and sorry for wasting your time.