Like Surgo said: great thread.
If there are any more reasons for having sex, then I'd like to hear them.
Put quite simply (and this is the only reply I will make to your post), when you have an orgasm like the one I had yesterday with my girlfriend, it feels like your entire body is exploding in sheer physical ecstasy, all the particles shooting out into space at a millions miles per hour. I suppose if you despise sex, you despise feeling good.
On to the questions:
- Are you a virgin? If so, then why are you still one? If not, then what made you decide to lose it/give it away?
I am not a virgin. I am 26 and I lost it when I was... 19? I was a late bloomer by society's standards. I had just built sex up in my mind to be something unattainable and put it on a silly pedestal. A girl who really liked me who I didn't really think of as anything past a friend offered to have sex with me, so I did it. She didn't have a uterus so I didn't wear a condom, and it lasted about 45 seconds. But it was a weight off my mind after that, and while I was never the "go look for sex at every party" kind of guy, it really loosened me up to the whole proposition of opening myself up to a woman.
- What are your views on the idea of "casual sex" or, in general, the value of virginity? Is it something worth keeping?
Casual sex has its place, some people thrive on it, but I'm not one of them. Back in winter 07-08 I had a girlfriend who turned out to be horrible for me. We broke up in the spring, and I was pretty hurt by it. It kind of sent me into this spiral for the entire summer and fall where I would just have meaningless sex at every opportunity. I look on that time as a pretty wasteful time in my life, where I didn't really know what I wanted out of relationships. Thankfully, I settled down and started dating properly again (and got checked for STDs more than once, always luckily clean).
- If it is, why do you think it's worth keeping? If not, justify why it's lost its value.
Its value has been placed on it not by you (royal You, not Bam), but by society and religion and all the other external influences you have in life. Some people are raised ultra-religious and end up having crazy amounts of pre-marital sex; everyone makes their own choices in life. I, personally, find the concept of "virginity" to be a bit archaic and based on social mores that in great part no longer exist.
- Do you think there's a certain dogma about being a virgin? Is it generally accepted, approved upon, or criticized?
There is certainly a dogma about being a virgin. For men, it's looked upon as a sign of masculinity to lose it; for women, virgins are considered prudes. Anyone who admits to being a virgin past the age of 18 is surely to face ridicule, even from close friends.
- If you are not a virgin, what would you say to a virgin friend who is considering giving it up? Would you encourage him to lose it or keep it, and why?
I would tell them to be safe about it. I wouldn't try to sway them either away about the ultimate decision, because I don't believe that is a decision anyone else should make for you. All I would say is if you're going to have sex, make sure you take all proper precautions.
Oh, and do it more than once. The first time is never that great. Doing it once and giving up is like smoking pot once then swearing it off: you don't really get high until the 3rd time.
- What emotional and relational requirements do you think there are for being ready to have sex for the first time?
Well, considering I've had sex with people on the night I met them, I suppose there is no answer to this. However, I will say how it happened with my current girlfriend.
We started dating in October. Previously, I had had a problem of moving way too fast with women, to my own detriment. I wanted to make damn sure that I didn't do anything like that with this one, so I told her up front that I wanted to take it slowly. She agreed, and we didn't have sex until a month into our relationship. (Pretty long by modern day standards. It turns out she wanted to the entire time and was basically begging for it; I thought we were in agreement, but turns out I was the one holding out on her.)
Like Phantom, trilog, and others mentioned before, the sex took our relationship to an entirely new level. I liked her a lot before we did it, but through physical intimacy we built a much stronger bond than one that could be formed with words alone. We just now hit six months together, and I love the shit out of her (and her me). I have never felt so comfortable around a woman before, and I have never felt the trust that we share. I'm not saying we wouldn't be in love without sex, but I can say without a doubt in my mind that our bond wouldn't be as strong sans sex.