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CAP 16 CAP 5 - Part 13 - Pokedex Entry Submissions

Discussion in 'CAP Process Archive' started by Birkal, May 7, 2013.

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  1. The Steam Punk

    The Steam Punk

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2013
    Messages:
    159
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Tempting Pokémon.

    Black: The fruit on its tail is fabled to be the most delicious in the world, though it withers as soon as it is picked.

    White: It preys on less intelligent Pokémon who are easily lured by its fruit, as it finds tricking them amusing.

    BW2: It tempts Trainers with its fruit. To make it look irresistible, the fruit takes on a glossy sheen.

    Here it is! Good luck to all!
    I tried to combine both BW2 entries, since people liked them both. I also modified my Black entry not to go against Harvest.
  2. Quanyails

    Quanyails
    is an Artistis a Community Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2011
    Messages:
    661
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Bad Apple Pokémon

    Black: Using its tail as bait, it ambushes foes, constricts them, and impales them with the thorns on its body.

    White: This Pokémon offers the fruit on its tail to passersby just to see their reactions when they taste its bitter flesh.

    BW2: The fruit on its tail tastes foul, but its tantalizing appearance still draws in many Pokémon and people.

    Explanation in bullet points:

    • Species name, "Bad Apple", plays with its malevolence, apple-shaped tail (species names do reference real-world objects), and its status as an idiomatic "bad apple"--a rotten pokemon that spoils others' pleasure. Many other species names mention real-world concepts--for example, Coconut (Exeggutor), Vulture (Mandibuzz), and Chinchilla (Minccino), so using Apple is not out of place.
    • Within the entries, the word "fruit" over "apple" is chosen from in-game precedent as well, as Tropius's banana-shaped fruits are not bananas, and instead, fruits.
    • The topics of the entries have a central focus on Malaconda's behavior by showcasing its tail--like the design itself.
    • Entries are comparable in length to in-game entries.
    • The Black entry is directly inspired by Dracoyoshi8's description of Malaconda's predatory behaviors, while the other entries are more inspired personally.
    Hmm, it'll be hard choosing which entries to vote for.

    Comments:

    Show Hide

    • Dracoyoshi8: I like the disconnect between the first and second sentences in the Black entry. :) It's quite common in Pokemon for that to happen. "Bite from the fruit" is odd phrasing; wouldn't "bite the fruit" work just as well? Overall, not bad. o3o Not my favorite, but worthy of being Malaconda's pokedex entries. Remember to un-bold the first "Pokemon" in your species name for Final Submission.
    • Alcorzar: I like the entries, but I wish that they were a tad shorter, as the entries, as a whole, are longer than average. When I imagine looking at these entries in a pokedex, though, I can't really see Black's entry working. I like the reference, but 'psychedelic' probably wouldn't make it in. How about "vivid" as a replacement word?
    • Spork: "Should it fail to bask" sounds like it's malfunctioning in its schedule of basking. I would think "If it does not bask" sounds better while delivering the same idea. White's entry is slightly oddly worded with "suggestible", but the latter sentence clarifies the first. I'd change it, but there's not a huge problem. The B2/W2 entry is fine, as it shows off Malaconda's nature through behavior. :)
    • The Royal Guard: The species name is one letter too long compared to in-game ones. Additionally, you'll have to reformat the species descriptor before Final Submissions. The actual entries, hmm.... The White entry is missing a period, the Black entry's "it's" should be "its", flip White and Black in order, "Black/White2" has to be "BW2", and, as Psylink said, "damning" is not exactly swearing, but it contains a word that can be used as a swear (even if Cofagrigus sets itself out to reduce that precedent). Subjective comments: as I've mentioned to others, I personally prefer replacing "apple" with "fruit", as apples do not exist in the main series. The length of the entries currently decreases, and, while it is not required, evening out their lengths will make it a tad more appealing.
    • Kirbyofthestars: I have no faults with the first two entries. :) I'm slightly concerned over the use of "snake" in the B2/W2 entry, as it's a real-world creature that does not exist in the game. Would replacing the word "snake" with "creature", "beast", or "Pokémon" work? Other than that, great!
    • iamdanielcruces: The first two entries are great in describing Malaconda primarily with details of its interactions around it! The third hints at its origins more than its behavior, but it's fine as a contrast, although I would replace the word "snake" with "serpentine", as mundane snakes are not in the Pokemon world, while "serpentine" is a concept that oddly is (despite its root word).
    • Psylink: Apples do not exist in the Pokemon world, so I would replace the word with "fruit". "Won't" --> "will not". Black's entry needs a bit of grammar modification. Commas are only used before conjunctions in conjugating two sentences, not predicates, as you've done here. Why not use the standard structure of items in a list with commas and an "and" before the last item, instead of inserting an "and" which makes the rest of the entry lopsided? Additionally, referencing the Bible means that it exists in the Pokemon world (which it doesn't) and Pokemon's translators would make an explicit mention to Christianity, which it has not done. "Ancient" can work as a substitute here. For the White entry: "isn't" is informal but not incorrect. I would prefer "is not" for the sake of formality. Why do you have comma splices, by the way? A semicolon, conjunction, or just severing the long comma splice into separate sentences will make it correct and eligible for being voted upon. :) For the B2/W2 entry: if you use "it's", it's short for "it is" or "it has". If you want to use "its" as a possessive adjective, remove the apostrophe. "Specially based" should be "specially-based", and even then, no pokedex entries reference stats in such a way. "Special hits" is vague enough to work. And these comments are just the technicalities!
    • CJorex: I already PMed Shiruba about "guard"/"guards", so no worries there. :) Otherwise, I think the entries are great! Shows Malaconda's personality, its relationship with the fruit on its tail, and an aside reference to its origins.
    • Agile Turtle: I... won't take the B2/W2 entry seriously. :P Haha, it's slant enough to work, though. I think "razor sharp" should be "razor-sharp", right? I can't say that the entries are my favorite, but they've got a certain charm to them.
    • Blue Frog: Nice. :) References, exaggerations, personality, explanation, and flavor, all in three entries. Nice job!
    • Temperantia: D:
    • Bull of Heaven: I would like the entries to describe more of Malaconda than what its fruit does. ^^; Just mentioning Malaconda itself more will make the entries seem more descriptive of a pokemon than of a fruit.
    • The Steam Punk: D: And your B2/W2 entry was among my favorites!
    • Scorpio: The entries are a tad on the long side, but that's not objectively wrong--it's a comment. I like the entries, though. :) If only you could condense them slightly (e.g, removing "very" from the Black entry and merging the first sentence's predicates in the White entry). I like them, though. :)
    • Alcorzar: D:
    • RegiFlame150: D:
    • mcFlareon: Hmm, I like both of your Black entry variations. "The fruit it generates masks its scent and flavor depending on its victim" or the like as a compromise? The other two entries, I have no qualms over. :)
    • Qwilphish: I wish I had no knowledge of your intentions behind your B2/W2 entry, as its precense invalidates whatever comments I say about the other entries, as I will avert myself from voting for them. :/ Nevertheless, I will comment for others. Black's entry is fine, though White's entry confuses me. Does Malaconda attack and drag these scientists away, or are they attacked and dragged away from something else? I think it's the former option, though your entry currently is ambiguous.
    • soursurfer12: D:
    • The Reptile: Ooh, the first thing I notice is the length of the B2/W2 entry. Perhaps just trim the middle sentence? Hmm, then the three entries become even more similar. You have a stray "it's" in the Black entry that should be "its". Still, I like the focus on the apple-like tail and the variations you have with that. :)
    • Snaquaza: D:
    • DetroitLolcat: The entries have Malaconda as a forefront, instead of its tail, while having interesting aspects of it shown in each entry. There's nice variety in them, though personally, I'd like to see a smidge more unity. That does not dissuade my opinion of your entries as great, though!
    • Eagle4: o3ob They are now a-okay in my perspective!
    • Timeblaze: The two "its" in the White entry can be taken to mean reaching for Malaconda or the fruit attacking. Perhaps "... reach for the fruit, it attacks"? Other than that, your entries are great and fine with me. :)
  3. iamdanielcruces

    iamdanielcruces

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2010
    Messages:
    81
    Final Submission

    Malaconda
    , the Curiosity Pokemon

    Black: A highly specialized predator, it usually hunts by luring the smartest and most curious Pokemon.

    White: It has coexisted with humans for millennia, appearing as a trickster in many folk tales and legends.

    BW2: Some theories relate it to other serpentine Pokemon, but Malaconda's origins still elude researchers.

    I'll follow Quanyails (thanks for the feedback!) example and use bullets for the explanation:


    • I chose Curiosity as its species name, based on the biblical reference. Temptation is also playing with someone else's curiosity, and only through curiosity Man "fell" to the state of having knowledge. Also, you know, "curiosity killed the Persian".
    • The black entry describes a darker aspect of Malaconda, and hopefully it implies that it preys on the Pokes with high Special Attack, which hints at its role as a specially-defensive tank.
    • The White entry describes a more positive aspect of Malaconda. I think it serves as a link between the Black and BW2 entries, because it's not a fully behavioral description, but it's not completely lore-based either.
    • The BW2 entry is mostly for lore, but as I mentioned before, I like the idea of Malaconda being deceitful not only physically, but also at a more abstract level. If you like metaphors, I see Malaconda's origin "U-Turning" (making circles) around its pursuers (the researchers).
    I followed Quanyails advice and changed "snake" to "serpentine". Nevertheless, Curiosity led me to Bulbapedia and there it was: Ekans, the Snake Pokemon, lol.
  4. Shiruba

    Shiruba

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2013
    Messages:
    1,932
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Deceiving Pokémon

    Black: It tricks people and Pokémon into committing heinous acts by waving its tail hypnotically. Even the wisest are tempted by its sheer beauty.

    White: Malaconda's tail is said to cause those who see it to become mindless followers. Many children have been taken this way, never to return.

    BW2: It is rumored that those foolish enough to succumb to the trickery of Malaconda are punished eternally in the afterlife.

    Show Hide
    Black's is more or less a general overview and is not very... Evil sounding? I suppose that's a decent enough way to put it. It's more Pokémon-esque, and similar to something you'd find typically in many a Pokémon's entry. It does, however, lampshade that it is easy for it to corrupt others into doing deplorable crimes, and outright states that it's not a Jedi Mind Trick going on here - it is legitimate hypnotic suggestion that can tempt more than the weak-minded.

    For White, I wanted to be really creepy with at least one of them, going into the vein of Hypno's stealing of children in the FireRed dex entry. I figured Malaconda would be great for it, since I believe Dracoyoshi suggested that Malaconda would be a legitimately evil Pokémon.

    This also bleeds into the BW2 entry, which references its learning of Punishment via level-up (the last move, potentially referencing what will happen last?) BW2's also has allusions to God's wrath should a person choose to follow Satan's ways/sin/etc. The afterlife is indeed mentioned in other entries, such as Dusknoir's, so I felt it was still appropriate here.

  5. Final Submission

    Malaconda,
    the Serpent Pokemon

    Black: It grows fruit on its tail, which it uses to lure prey. When introduced to new regions, it starts growing different fruit.

    White: Its fruit was once used for medicinal purposes. This practice ended when patients reported terrifying visions.

    BW2: It prefers to hunt on clear, cloudless days. It avoids rain by sneaking into the nests of other Pokemon.

    Changed the order and rewrote one entry. The new entry makes reference to both Infiltrator and the "sunmon" sub-concept.
  6. Kirbyofthestars

    Kirbyofthestars

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2012
    Messages:
    206
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Allure Pokémon

    Black: The fruit on this Pokémon's tail secretes a wonderful aroma that draws in many naive Pokémon.

    White: This Pokémon's Glare is often enough to incapacitate prey and foes alike; it attacks those that are unaffected.

    BW2: Pokémon that are drawn in by Malaconda's deceptive charms find that it is too late to escape from this slow but powerful beast.

    I feel as if these entries capture (pun intended) several aspects of Malaconda, including its design, movepool, and even a slight mention to its base stats.
  7. Blue Frog

    Blue Frog Azureus
    is an Artist

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    376
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Discord Pokemon

    Black: When cut off, the fruit on its tail regenerates immediately. A berry occasionally grows in its place.

    White: It uses its fruit to lure prey in. It is capable of swallowing entire Snorlax whole.

    BW2: In ancient times, conflicts broke out over its prized fruit. However, none succeeded in attaining it.

    Only removed a few words here and there. The species name, "Discord", comes from the Apple of Discord in Greek mythology that (I think) Malaconda is based on, and the BW2 entry deals with that as well. The Black entry refers to Harvest, while the White entry deals with temptation, a recurring thing in pretty much everyone's entries.
  8. Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2010
    Messages:
    410
    Final Submission

    Malaconda
    , the Temptation Pokémon

    Black: It uses the fruit on its tail to distract both prey and potential threats. It grows back quickly for repeated use.

    White: The fruit it carries looks appealing and is very tasty. However, it contains strong chemicals to immobilize those who eat it.

    BW2: It is a manipulative Pokemon that lures prey and foe alike with its fruit. Sometimes it targets Trainers for its own amusement.
  9. CJorex

    CJorex

    Joined:
    May 31, 2012
    Messages:
    975
    I'll make my final submission soon; I just need to know which of my BW2 entries is better. I need to know whether to use the first one or the second one
    First one:
    Show Hide
    An old legend states that an ancient civilization fell because the king tried to eat the fruit of a Malaconda.

    Second one:
    Show Hide
    It keeps its prey transfixed with its paralyzing glare. Some have claimed that its eyes are almost hypnotic.

    Shoot me a PM to tell me which one I should use.
  10. Eagle4

    Eagle4

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2012
    Messages:
    1,629
    Final Submission

    Malaconda
    , the Temptation Pokémon

    Black: A Malaconda's fruit can regenerate on command. It readily gives it up in order to devour the foe.

    White: They were once poached for their sumptuous fruit. This practice ended after reports of horrifying visions from those who consumed it.

    BW2: It lures in prey before devouring it whole. After a large meal, the fruit glows greatly.


    • The Black entry links to Malaconda's Harvest ability, as well as its method of feeding, which links to the concept of Malaconda (and in turn, the sinister nature).
    • The White entry plays more into Malaconda's sinister nature and the tantalizing apple concept, where it looks delicous on the outside yet is horrible on the inside (in this case, by creating visions).
    • The BW2 entry has both elements of the Black and White entry, with the method of feeding as well as the fruit (devouring intentionally used to have a stronger link to the Black entry). The glowing also refers to when there were talks of the golden apple glowing beforehand.
    • All entries keep to the word limit and the Black and BW2 have an average Pokedex-entry length.
    • "Fruit" instead of "Apple" since there is no precedence in-game for a dex entry to mention a fruit's name (For instance, Tropius' dex entries use "Fruit" instead of "Bananas".
    • I chose "Temptation" as a species name since it was straight to the point and links well to Malaconda's concept.
    Feedback on other entries (open)
    Scorpio: The first thing I notice about your dex entries is how long they are. Your Black entry is beyond the 25-word limit, and your other two entries are simply too long for a normal dex entry (24 and 25 words respectively). For the Black entry, I do think that there are better ways to phrase your last sentence, although I can't quite put my finger on how. There is no need to use "The fruit" twice in that entry though; for the second sentence, "It" would suffice. For your white entry, "said to be" is needless. Also, I'd take away "very". Your second sentence is interesting, is it a link to Glare? Your BW2 entry is too long, but besides from that, I like it.
    Blue Frog: Good job, I like all of your entries and how you've kept them short and sweet, like most Pokedex entries. I especially like how you've incoorporated the exaggerated descriptions with your White entry, as that ties in nicely with in-game dex entries.
    Kirbyofthestars: For your Black entry, I'd rather say "The fruit on its tail" rather than "The fruit on this Pokemon's tail", it just sounds better, in my opinion, at least. Other than that though, your Black entry is good. Your other entries are fine.
    Bull Of Heaven: I am not a huge fan of your Black entry, although I don't really have an explanation why. It may be because of how you've used the word "fruit" twice, although I don't see how you can change that. Your BW2 entry is interesting, although it lacks explanation. Why do they prefer to hunt on cloudless days? I also think you can get Malaconda's aversion to rain teams in your dex entry a bit more by saying "Clear, hot/warm/sunny/whatever links to Drought".
    Shiruba: Your entries are a bit on the long side. The Black entry's concept is good, although I'm not sure "beauty" is the right word to describe Malaconda. Your White entry is very sinister, but that's not without precedence (See: Beautifly, Kabutops, Cofagrigus). I kinda like it, aside from the length of it. Your BW2 entry would be great if it wasn't contradicting. Your Black entry states that even the wisest are tempted, yet this entry then states that people foolish enough to be tempted are punished eternally? That's something which needs to be sorted out.
    iamdanielcruces: I don't think "Curiosity" is suitable for Malaconda as a species name. You could also take out "usually", although that's just a personal preference of mine. Besides that, your entries are good.
    Quanyails: Again, nothing to say here. I like them.
    TheSteamPunk: Your Black entry kinda goes against Harvest, since how can it harvest/regenerate the apple if it doesn't get eaten whatseoever. However, I love your White entry. Your BW2 entry could be phrased better, but I'm not the guy to tell you how :/
    Timeblaze: Your entries are a little underwhelming, but I like them a lot. The White entry could be phrased better as "It waits in trees whilst dangling its fruit down", although that's just my preference.
    DetroitLolcat: Your Black and BW2 entries are fine. Your White entry is inquisitive, although I'm not sure if the concept is worth a whole dex entry, idunno, it is missing something.
    Snaquaza: Malaconda, the Alluring Pokemon, right? I'm not a huge fan of your Black entry to be honest, due to the fact that it doesn't make sense to be paralysed forever. Your White and BW2 entry just simply doesn't make sense. I'd check up on your grammar, your white entry is in need of a full stop SOMEWHERE, and your BW2 entry should replace the comma with a full stop.
    RegiFlame150: Forest Siren? I understand that you're trying to think creatively when it comes to species name, but Forest Siren isn't very fitting for Malaconda whatsoever. Your Black and White entries are fine, but I love the idea behind your BW2 entry. I'd rephrase the first few words of the entry to "If a victim is lured towards".
    The Reptile: Your Black entry is wayyyyy too long, and so is your BW2 entry. Your White entry is still long, although I am quite fond of it.
    soursurfer12: Great dex entries, probably my favourite so far :D
    Qwilphish: Your Black entry is alright, although I'm not a huge fan of your white entry. It just confuses me more than anything else really, I'm sure you can think up a more interesting concept.
    mcFlareon: Choosing between your two Black dex entries is hard. The second one is longer but better, so I'd probably go with that one; it's a great concept. Your White entry is great, and links well to Infiltrator (Is that intentional? :P) For your BW2 entry, I'd remove "subtly" and "skillfully" as they shorten the entry and are needless. Besides from that, the entry is good!
    Alcorzar: Agreeing with others, change "Psychedelic". Your White entry is fine, although I'd change "gluttonous" since that creates a strong link to Gluttony, which is an ability Malaconda does not possess. For the BW2 entry, I'd choose between villified or worshipped, it doesn't make sense to have both.
    Temperantia: Your White entry is fine. I'm a bit iffy on the Black entry; surely it should be the tantalizing look of the fruit which tempts the foe, not the "sound" of it? The BW2's second sentence is a little odd. Perhaps you can develop your first sentence a little more instead?
    Agile Turtle: Your black entry is a little generic, but that's fine. I don't really see why you've used the word "punishment", it's not very fitting in my opinion. Your White entry is bland, and too short. Your BW2 entry is... ._.
    CJorex: Good. Very good. Although I'm not sure how the fruit increasing brain activity ties in with anything to do with Malaconda; it just seems very random.
    Psylink: Listen to what Quanyails said. Your entries are in dire need of good grammar, and Quanyails is the person to help you.
    The Royal Guard: Remember to read the rules and put out the correct format when final submitting! "Vengeful Snake" is too long for a species name, so I'd change that. Also, Black entry goes first, followed by White entry, not the other way round. Your White entry, with words like "supposedly", almost sounds like you don't believe it yourself. "It will give the fruit" is a better phrase to use, there is no need to include the tail and there is no precedence for a fruit to be mentioned in pokedex entries by its name. "Pokemons" should have a comma, "it's" should lose the apostrophe. Your BW2 entry is very strange; it makes out Malacoda to be a helpful Pokemon and not sinister whatsoever (almost Superhero-esque). Replace the word "damning" with something a little more child-friendly, as others have said.
    Spork: Garden Snake? Reminds me of "Bad Apple", haha. The concepts behind your entries are fine, although they are quite long for a Pokedex entry. "Fail to bask" should be changed imo.
    Dracoyoshi8: Good, solid entries. I'm not sure why everybody is referencing sleep however, Malaconda cannot learn any sleep-inducing moves and so it makes no sense flavour-wise.
    Soul Fly:
    Your Black entry is fine. The White entry has a clever concept but it is in dire need of a pause somewhere. Perhaps a comma between "fruit" and "which"? Your BW2 entry doesn't really make sense. If the scent causes paralysis, then how will the prey be lured in? It can't move! Also, "swoops" sounds more like a bird than a snake :/


    Okay this post took too long to write up ~
  11. RivRivRiv

    RivRivRiv

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2013
    Messages:
    43
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Corruption Pokémon

    Black: Although it appears delicious, the fruit on its tail corrupts all those who taste it.

    White: If eaten, the fruit on its tail will grow back. The more the fruit regenerates the more enticing it becomes.

    BW2: This Pokémon can never be truly tamed. Even experienced trainers succumb to its sinister tricks.
  12. mcFlareon

    mcFlareon

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2011
    Messages:
    127
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Temptation Pokémon

    Black: The fruit it generates changes scent and flavour depending on the target's preferences. Its original taste remains a mystery.

    White: It is known to infiltrate orchards, ambushing unwary farmers. Despite the dangers, these farms yield the most succulent harvests.

    BW2: Using subtly hypnotic motions, it dangles its tail to entice prey. It strikes before victims can reach the fruit.

    I decided to give a variety in each of the Dex entries as I always find those more interesting in revealing different trivia about a Pokemon.
    • The Black entry adds a more mysterious quality to Malaconda's Harvest ability (to go with mysteries such as Diglett's lower body, the inside of Forretress, etc.) and also references how it can change the qualities of its fruit to suit its target, reinforcing how it can adapt to bring out the best in using temptation techniques. How it can find out the preferences is left to interpretation which adds to the mystery (whether it be observation/stalking/finding patterns about feeding or something more supernatural like reading minds is up to you- either way this information enhances its skills in temptation)

    • The White entry references its other ability Infiltrator, as well as referencing its effect on humans and the environment. The relationship is slightly similar to the Garden of Eden story where the serpent has the upper hand in terms of power, sneaking around in a lush paradise.

    • The BW2 entry is a more standard entry. I decided emphasise the use of subtle, hypnotic movements as in my mind, it doesn't actually have to dangle its tail back and forth like a pendulum but instead, only using minimal movements which are just enough to spark interest. Rather than being too obvious it is craftier and more suggestive in its approach which relates to its Dark typing. Minimal movements also reference its slow speed stat, as it is a creature of ambush, carefully keeping its prey's attention on the lure before it strikes.
    Thanks for the feedback!
  13. CJorex

    CJorex

    Joined:
    May 31, 2012
    Messages:
    975
    Final Submission

    Malaconda
    , the Temptation Pokémon

    Black: It lures unsuspecting Pokémon with the fruit on its tail. Once they let their guards down, it bites down with its powerful fangs.

    White: Research has shown that the fruit on Malaconda's tail contains chemicals that increase brain activity.

    BW2: It keeps its prey transfixed with its paralyzing glare. Some have claimed that its eyes are almost hypnotic.

    Explanation:

    • Black: Basically sums up Malaconda; drawing in prey with its tail and attacking
    • White: A slight reference to the story in the Garden of Eden; the tree that the serpent tricked Eve to eat the fruit of was the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil; all that learning would certainly cause an increase of brain activity
    • BW2: Basically a reference to the fact it learns Glare; I thought adding a reference to hypnosis made it sound more intimidating. I originally had a reference to the fall of man in here, but it didn't sound as good and I thought I only needed one biblical reference. Also, Pokédex entries usually don't have direct references to stories and folklore, so I changed it so it could fit in with the official Gamefreak ones.
  14. srk1214

    srk1214 Epke Motherf**in Zonderland
    is a CAP Contributoris a Tiering Contributor

    Joined:
    May 28, 2010
    Messages:
    2,490
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Temptation Pokémon

    Black: Though the fruit on its tail appears to be delicious, no one has lived to tell the world how it tastes.

    White: It prefers to move slowly and silently. If it tries to move too fast, its barbs get caught in the ground.

    BW2: Ancient records seem to depict a four-legged ancestor. When it lost its legs is unknown.
  15. Jirachi6

    Jirachi6

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2011
    Messages:
    88
    Final Submission

    Black: Malaconda tempts enemies with the fruit on the end of its tail. Anyone who eats it will be incapacitated.

    White: The fruit on its tail is actually a toxic sac. It will burst if cut off, so removing it from Malaconda's tail is inadvisable.

    BW2: If it is bored, Malaconda may decide to anger nearby people and Pokémon by waving its tail in their faces.
  16. paintseagull

    paintseagull pink wingull
    is an Artistis a Forum Moderator
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2010
    Messages:
    943
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Temptation Pokémon

    Black: The fruit that grows from the end of its tail is the most delicious fruit in existence. It entices both people and Pokémon.

    White: It brings out greed and desire in those that it meets. It delights in spreading chaos.

    BW2: A forest inhabited by Malaconda is lush and full of fruit. Other Pokémon that live there are hostile and distrusting.
  17. Qwilphish

    Qwilphish when everything you touch turns to gold
    is a Pre-Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2012
    Messages:
    579
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Tempt Pokemon

    Black: It prefers to use the aroma from its fruit to lure its prey. However, it will not hesitate to strike more resistant opponents.

    White: Malaconda's fruit has never been examined. Whenever scientists near too close to its tail, it attacks.

    BW2: They never travel in packs. If two Malaconda come in contact, the battle only ends when one of them faints.
  18. Spork

    Spork

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2011
    Messages:
    409
    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Garden Snake Pokemon

    Black: This Pokemon spends hours lolling on sun-blanched branches. If it does not bask, its leaves yellow and it becomes tired.

    White: Its thorns secrete a venom that makes other Pokemon more suggestible. Prickled Buneary are often seen tottering towards its gaping maw.

    BW2: Inquisitive trainers should be wary of basking Malaconda. Though it appears to doze, it never truly sleeps.
  19. The Reptile

    The Reptile make it rain
    is a Pre-Contributor

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    Final Submission

    Malaconda, the Malicious Pokémon.

    Black: It uses the fruit-like appendage on its tail to lure its prey. Even if the appendage is removed, it can grow another one in a matter of minutes.

    White: The fruit on its tail is actually an appendage used to lure its prey. No one knows how it tastes, but its scent is irresistible.

    BW2: The fruit-like appendage at the end of its tail is said to cause paralysis upon consumption. The chemical composition of the appendage a mystery to everyone.
  20. Birkal

    Birkal We have the technology.
    is a member of the Site Staffis an Artistis a Super Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a CAP Contributoris a Smogon Media Contributoris a Battle Server Admin Alumnus
    CAP Head Mod

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    And we're done here. I'll post the slate momentarily.
  21. Birkal

    Birkal We have the technology.
    is a member of the Site Staffis an Artistis a Super Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a CAP Contributoris a Smogon Media Contributoris a Battle Server Admin Alumnus
    CAP Head Mod

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2010
    Messages:
    3,818
    I had a chat with Oglemi, one of the most prolific members of the Grammar / Prose team here on Smogon. Due to our most recent Policy Review thread, we're required to have all Final Submissions for our CAPs to be review by the GP team. This is the verdict I received from him:

    iamdanielcruces's Black Entry doesn't make sense.
    Qwilphish's White Entry is worded backwards.
    Everything else is fine.​

    With that in mind, all of the other submissions will be slated. The poll will be up shortly.
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