Emergency Situations

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I suck up the pain and possible 2nd and 3rd degree burns and mad dash through the fire, emerging out my front door like a hero.

You find yourself in the exact same "Position" as Cooper Harris from Eurotrip (Club Vandersexxx), except these Dutch will anal sex you to death.
 
Shiny_Tyranitar said:
I suck up the pain and possible 2nd and 3rd degree burns and mad dash through the fire, emerging out my front door like a hero.

You find yourself in the exact same "Position" as Cooper Harris from Eurotrip (Club Vandersexxx), except these Dutch will anal sex you to death.
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Wear a chastity belt.

+400 hours on your original Pokemon Gold that you've played since you were a little kid. Battery dies and no longer holds a save.

You also have no friends.
 
suicide

there is a libyan terrorist cell fucking your mother on top of an armed nuclear device whilst eating sandwiches. they ask you nicely to pick up some mountain dew and apologize, promising to make it up to you
 
Ask them for a favor: Attack Vader.

You show up to a blind date and find out the person you've been set up with is Justin Bieber.
 
You're not really dead, and you're not really justin bieber, yay!

Your third leg, is actually a third leg. Your mouth is a vagina.
 
Itch my ass, donkey punch myself and become unconscious, wake up later on and go for a penis transplant. Simplez.

You're dropping your kid off at nursery and Gary Glitter is there. There is no escape.
 
Trace the address of the letters and call the police. Alternatively, join a gang.

The world is going to blow up in 24 hours via a completely deactivation-proof bomb. It is also unable to be moved in any way.
 
Move to space.

You wake up to find your house snowed in, internet shut off, no way to connect to the outside world, and a criminal is standing in your living room, with a loaded sub-machine gun. And all you have is a water pistol.
 
Remove the chunk of Earth it is surrounded by, and strap it to a rocket on standby at Cape Canaveral.

You are surrounded by mafia in an alley, with no way out, and no weapons.
 
Kill him.


You wake up to find your house snowed in, internet shut off, no way to connect to the outside world, and a criminal is standing in your living room, with a loaded sub-machine gun. And all you have is a water pistol.
 
Offer him some lemonade. He can't rob you since you're snowed in and he's less likely to shoot you if you're nice to him. Eventually, slip something into his drink to make him fall asleep, tie him to something heavy, take his gun, and wait for the snow to melt.

You're in a never ending game of Monopoly.
 
Iggdrasil said:
Pretend to be Micheal Jackson.
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You find a dead body in a alley way that you try to investigate, but blood gets on your hands. You hear the police parking behind you...

PS: You can't suicide.
 
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