Three Pokemon stood in front of Lolcat, and none of them wanted to discuss the events of the last couple weeks. Before anyone could break the ice, Lolcat's cell phone started vibrating. He answered:
"Hello, this is Lolcat".
An elderly, female voice greeted him: "Lolcat? This is the woman from Pokemon Mansion in Celadon. I have the tea ready, but there's a problem. The authorities found out my plans and I'm under house arrest at the moment. I got one of my underlings to deliver the tea to Lavender Town, so meet with Mr. Fuji there. Once you get it, you should be able to enter Saffron."
The line died before Lolcat could respond. Drawing his Pokeballs, Lolcat called back his three warriors and said,
"We're going to Lavender, and picking up some new teammates while we're at it."
Checking his Town Map, Lolcat sketched out a route to Lavender that would get them there in a day. Routes 15, 14, 13, and 12 all form a straight path that would take Lolcat directly to his destination and allow him to pick up four Pokemon while he's at it. After buying a metric fuckton of Ultra Balls, the Trainer walked onto Route Fifteen.
Immediately, Lolcat spied a grassy field and dashed into it, eager to fill up some of the slots that his departed friends once filled. As soon as he stepped into the field, Lolcat was attacked by a Pidgey, which was quickly captured and stored into the PC. Since the bird was of a decent level, it could serve as a backup if Fearow were to fall.
Route 15 was filled with Trainers ready to challenge Lolcat, and Lolcat knew that he had to train his Pokemon further if he wanted to stand a chance against any future Gym Leaders. All of the Campers and Beauties were felled by Vileplume's Acid, while the Bird Keepers couldn't keep up with Graveler's Rock Throws and Rollouts. Eventually more illiterate Bikers approached Lolcat, but none of them could keep up with Graveler's Magnitudes.
Eventually Route 15 turned into Route 14, which allowed Lolcat to capture another Pokemon. After beating up some Bikers, a patch of green grass entered Lolcat's view.
"Oddish! Oddish!", cried the green-leafed Pokemon. Since a Vileplume is already on his team, Lolcat put the useless weed out of its misery. The team remained at a measly three Pokemon.
A few minutes later, Route 14 turned into a small labyrinth of fences rife with Bikers, Campers, and Bird Keepers to duel. A sign stood in front of Lolcat, reading "Entering Route 13: Lavender Town ahead". After taking out a few Trainers, Lolcat exited the fence maze and ended up on the coast of the Gulf of Kanto. The Gulf of Kanto was a large body of water with a long, narrow coastline stretching from Route 13 at the bottom to Rock Tunnel at the top. Wooden boardwalks crisscrossed the Gulf from north to south in order to provide travelling Trainers a path across the region. Naturally, since it's such a commonly traveled route, dozens of Trainers were available to battle.
After a few hours of training Fearow, Lolcat passed by a sign sticking out of one of the docks. Upon further inspection, the sign read "Route 12- Lavender Town straight ahead". Realizing that he hadn't seen any Wild Pokemon on Route 13, Lolcat decided to explore Route 12 before returning to the previous route. About ten minutes later, a house appeared on the horizon. The mailbox in front read: Fishing Guru. Since the previous Fishing Gurus have gifted him with shiny new fishing poles in the past, Lolcat saw no problem with talking to this Guru.
Inside the man's small house was an absolute disaster. The house seemed to have but four rooms; a small, dilapidated kitchen, a spacious living room, a minuscule bathroom, and a small cubicle with a bed. Inside the living room was one of the creepiest sights Lolcat had ever seen: one dangling, dim light fixture illuminated an otherwise pitch-black room populated by sketches of Magikarp and a host of shiny new fishing poles. The walls were plastered with anatomical sketches of Magikarp and a stack of books lay in a corner of the room. Tiptoeing across the dark room, Lolcat saw the books were mostly about Pokemon history, anatomy, and you guessed it...Magikarp. In the other corner of the room was a man hunched over on his hands and feet, transfixed by a book titled A History of Marine Pokemon by Professor Birch of the Hoenn region. Lolcat initiated the conversation:
"Uh...Fishing Guru?"
The bearded man jumped with a sudden jolt,: "Waah! Fishing! Do you like to fiiiish?"
"Uh...yes?" replied Lolcat.
"Goood! Tell me, son, do you like MAGIKARP??!??!"
"Suure. Who doesn't like Magikarp?"
"Hmm...as you might have guessed, I am the best and brightest of the three Fishing Gurus! I have dedicated the last twenty years of my life to studying the greatest of Pokemon, the illustrious Magikarp! For two long decades, I have sailed the seven seas looking for the biggest Magikarp there ever was! The Pokedex says every Magikarp is two feet eleven inches long, but I know better! I have caught eleven thousand, four hundred and sixty-two Magikarp in my life, and not one of them was longer! However...years of research shows that in this very Gulf rests the elusive three-foot Magikarp! Yes, that's right: a three foot long Magikarp! You! If you aid me in my quest to find the legendary fish, pleeease take one of my Super Rods and look for it! I must find it, I've dedicated my life to discovering this rare, rare fish!"
Even though the man was obviously delusional, Lolcat took one of his fishing rods and left a few words of encouragement. The next stop was Route 13, where Lolcat could throw the new line in the water and snag a fourth member of the Nuzlocke Team. After about three minutes of standing on the wooden dock, the line got a tug. A bit of pulling revealed a Horsea attached to the hook; however, this little dragon was only Level 19. Deciding that it would be too much of a hassle to start the Horsea on the team, Lolcat threw an Ultra Ball and sent it to the Box where it belongs.
After returning to the house on Route 12, Lolcat proceeded across the docks to a crossroads. In the middle of the intersection was a sign that read, "Kanto Route Twelve: North to Lavender Town, South to Route 13, East to Gulf of Kanto, West to Vermilion City". Since Lavender Town was the place to go, Lolcat continued north until a much different roadblock blocked the path...a much rounder, sleepier, and bear-like roadblock. Since a Snorlax is a very powerful Pokemon, Lolcat pulled out a Pokeball from his pouch containing Vileplume and commenced the battle.
Vileplume used Sleep Powder. Lolcat used Ultra Ball. Lolcat caught Snorlax.
Not bad.
Snorlax, still asleep, mauled the rest of Route 12 with its vicious Snore attack. One hour later, Lolcat crossed the docks and arrived on solid ground in Lavender Town. Inside the creepy village, Lolcat visited the Pokemon Center and healed up. After receiving the four Pokeballs back, the Trainer remembered why he was in Lavender Town.
Two Months Ago
The old woman replied, "Lolcat, I can get you into Saffron City. For the past year, I've been working on a minuscule but destructive explosive device which I've codenamed Hot Tea. Come to me one month from now and I'll give it to you. Make sure not a soul hears of this or the Police will be on me faster than a Ninjask using Agility.
One Month Ago
"Celadon City has been demolished by Team Rocket. After a brutal and sudden military strike by the criminal organization, tens of thousands of police officers swarmed the city hoping to defend it. On November 30th, an unconditional surrender was filed by the Celadon Police and the Rockets accepted. The villainous gang then detonated at least four small-scale bombs within the city. The number of casualties is unknown but expected to be in the range of seven to nine thousand. Celadon Mansion in particular was razed to the ground. This concludes KNN's Special Report..."
One Week Ago
"..Lolcat, it's me. I have the Hot Tea and have left it with my friend Fuji in Lavender Town with instructions on how to use it. Meet him in Lavender and speak to him."
For five months Team Rocket has terrorized the entire nation of Kanto. Saffron was placed under military blockade and Celadon was eradicated. Over ten thousand Police Officers have lost their lives fighting this gang. Lolcat had met the boss once, but failed to take his life when he escaped the Game Corner. This time, Giovanni had come out of hiding. Every person in Kanto knew he sat in the executive suite of the Silph Corporation Headquarters, living in the lap of luxury as he watched his empire of crime from above, but nobody could do a thing about it.
That was all about to change.
Lolcat stepped into Mr. Fuji's house at the foot of Pokemon Tower and spoke to the man. The elder spoke first, "Ah. My friend Lolcat. As you know, I've been expecting you for quite some time now. Before I hand this box over to you, may I trouble you for a quick conversation?"
Out of respect, Lolcat accepted.
"Wonderful. So, Lolcat, how have your dreams been recently? The last time we met, a few nightmares had troubled you, no?"
Lolcat answered the questions frankly and impatiently, waiting for the conversation to conclude.
"Ah, so these nightmares have not disappeared. I didn't think they would. The voice has still been threatening you in your sleep... If I may offer some guidance, I would guess a Psychic would know more about this condition. You know a girl named Sabrina? Gym Leader of Saffron. If you ever get the chance, ask her about it. She's an expert on the human mind...But I'm boring you. Here, take the parcel..."
Lolcat walked across the room to a small cardboard box labeled Hot Tea. A piece of paper labeled "Instructions" lay on top of the box. The directions were simple: just enter a four-digit code provided on the sheet, wait thirty seconds for the bomb to go off, and cross the fence into Saffron City. The bomb was made so it would blow a small hole in the blockade without alerting the Police.
After spending a night in the Lavender Center (and not experiencing the recurring dream!), Lolcat stepped onto Route 8 and began the assault on Saffron City.
At the blockade, Lolcat took a shovel out of his Bag and dug a hole about one foot deep. Then, without diverting the attention of the police, he took out the Hot Tea and placed it inside. Thirty seconds later, Lolcat pressed the "detonate" button on the remote control. The bomb exploded, leaving a hole in the blockade fence about three feet high, easily enough for Lolcat to crawl through and enter the sequestered city.
However, the next step to the plan did not go off without a hitch. Less that a second after the bomb went off, an ear-splitting siren erupted from the guard shack about a quarter mile away. Knowing that he was in plain sight and that the police Growlithe could track him if he crossed, Lolcat jumped into the bushes a few hundred feet away. As expected, fifty blue-coated officers swarmed the area from the patrol shack.
"Commander! The fence has been breached! What are your orders?"
A thunderous voice replied, "Men, Secure the perimeter! I need a hundred cops at the opening and Growlithe patrolling the perimeter!"
"Should we bring everyone from the patrol base?"
"Drop security at the guard shack to Level 1 and deploy the cops here!"
About an hour later, Lolcat tiptoed out of the bushes and walked about a quarter mile to the large brick patrol house. Inside, Lolcat spied a lone policeman guarding the border between Saffron and Route 8.
"Easy.", thought Lolcat, releasing Vileplume from its Ball. The plant Pokemon expelled a few dozen spores into the air and a minute later, the policeman was snoring loudly. After a quick walk through the deserted building, Lolcat stood in Saffron City.
Saffron City was a large, expansive city with numerous houses, skyscrapers, and shops. Though Celadon outnumbers it in population, Saffron is universally considered "the biggest city in Kanto". The focal point of Saffron, Silph Co HQ, towers over the city like a mountain over a village. The interior of the city, however, was worse than Lolcat had expected. Though most of the buildings still stood despite the Rocket attacks, numerous edifices were left in a smoldering ruin because of the constant violence between the Rockets and Police. The buildings surrounding Silph Co. were especially ruined since it's the Rocket stronghold.
About ten Policemen were camping by an armored car at the entrance when Lolcat walked in, and one of the cops immediately saw him and spoke: "Dude! What the hell you doin' out here in da middle of the day!"
The cop and his platoon surrounded Lolcat and escorted him to the armored car. The policeman from earlier spoke, "Come on, man. I'll take ya back to the shelter so ya don't git hurt! Ya need to be more careful man, these Rockets are errywhere and they'd just love to take you as a hostage!"
Since a shelter would provide him with basic amenities while in Saffron, Lolcat complied with the uniformed man and sat in the armored car. Ten minutes later, Lolcat stood in front of a brown brick building labeled "Fighting Dojo". The interior of the dojo contained about ten families living in a makeshift town; there was a healing machine taken from a local PokeCenter, an ample supply of food for both people and Pokemon, and a back room labeled "Dojo". Since there were most likely Trainers in the Dojo to battle with, he stepped into the back room and saw what he expected. A fifty-by-fifty foot room was in the back, with five Black Belts surrounding a green-matted sparring arena. The Black Belt in the back, a muscular, white-cloaked man, spoke first:
"Hello Challenger! I assume you wish to challenge the Fighting Dojo and battle for the ultimate prize!"
Since there was a prize involved, Lolcat had no choice but to accept.
"Wonderful", boomed the Black Belt, "Then your challenge is this: Defeat my four trainees, and then you will earn a match with me, the Karate King! Only if you best me in a Pokemon battle will the prize be yours!"
The Black Belts had Fighting Pokemon. Lolcat's Fearow had Drill Peck. ggGG.
The Karate King stepped into the arena. "Now, young one, we will engage in combat!"
Drill Peck.
"What power you possess! I cannot fathom how you were able to beat my Fighting Pokemon so easily! Maybe...my master was right; maybe there are types that can hit Fighting-types harder! Either way, a deal is a deal. You may choose one of the two Pokemon in the back to keep as your own! To your left is a Hitmonlee; Hitmonlee is a master of kicking technique. Beware, though, Hitmonlee's defensive technique is one of the worst I've ever seen. If you wish to use Hitmonlee well, keep it away from damage! To my right is Hitmonchan. Hitmonchan can deliver punches faster than the eye can see, but beware: Hitmonchan is neither as fast nor as strong as his kicking cousin. What Hitmonlee possesses in power, Hitmonchan possesses in defense. The choice is yours, young warrior."
Lolcat picks up the Pokeball to the left and bows to the master.
Tomorrow, Lolcat knew, was the battle of Silph Co.
