Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread

I can get off on oral, but it takes a really long time and the girl needs to be very good at it.

You can help yourself along by turning on the "highlight reel", but generally oral is supposed to be just part of the foreplay, priming you and leading up to the main event anyway, so you're not SUPPOSED to be getting off from it.
 
WaterBomb said:
I can get off on oral, but it takes a really long time and the girl needs to be very good at it.

You can help yourself along by turning on the "highlight reel", but generally oral is supposed to be just part of the foreplay, priming you and leading up to the main event anyway, so you're not SUPPOSED to be getting off from it.
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haha i didn't know that was what you called it
 
Am I the only one that gets head that is better than sex. Gf had no prior experience, can deepthroat, swallows reflexively, can make me cum as quickly or as slowly as she wants, and is selfless when she's on her period.

She doesn't enjoy doing it much and complains that her throat hurts after a long session. But she's happy to do it when I want, because I don't ask for it much. And I give her head all the time and she loves it so I think she thinks that fair's fair.
 
My wife gives great oral but I'd have to agree with WB that it is mainly foreplay. There are those times when it's more than foreplay and it's a nice change of pace but it definitely isn't better. I also get off on getting her off so that's another con to oral. When I first became sexually active I was terrified of vaginas because I had no clue what I was doing. Being with my life so long I've figured it all out and I apparently give good oral and I love to do it because it gets her off.

Never trying anal, though. What's the point? Vaginal is good enough to get us both off and leave us satisfied. The point where it no longer does it for us I really doubt doing it in the butt is going to be the difference maker. I lump it up with other weird shit like tying a belt around your neck and putting shit in your urethra.
 
Sort of big post

So I haven't been following this thread at all, but I find myself in need of possible dating advice and I don't feel like talking with my friends about it.

First off, I am 19 (almost 20) and have zilch experience with dating (didn't even go to prom). I wasn't really social in high school, but I'm kind of making a fresh start in college.

So there's this girl I'm friends with at my work (we're both doing full-time internships during the semester, so no school). She likes to get involved in volunteer activities and invited me to go w/ her and some other volunteer group to help clean up new jersey. I've been feeling like a waste of space recently, so I thought volunteering sounded great (I had no romantic intentions). This was sort of a big commitment since we live in central MD (about 3.5 hour commute), but we took a tour bus so not really a big deal. She didn't know the rest of the group so we pretty much solely talked with each other (the other people were either 50+ or some rather annoying high school students). This was also the first thing we did together outside of work.

This was from 6:30 AM -10:00 PM. She says she was dropped off this morning so I offered to drive her home (kind of out of the way but not a big deal). On the way to her house, she asks me if I want to see Wreck-It Ralph and said yes (really good btw). I paid for both tickets (don't know if this is relevant at all). We were having a great time the entire day and I felt (even w/ limited dating experience) she was dropping MAJOR hints that she was interested in me throughout the day, including:

  • Asking if I had a girlfriend.
  • Talking about her past relationships for a surprising large amount of the day (maybe like two 10 minute conversations, but it still happened more than I expected it would happen).
  • Explicitly saying she enjoyed my company.
  • The bus was kind of empty so we each have our own bus rows (idk what you call them, but we each had 2 seats). She asks to sit in my row. I took this as move to a different row but apparently she wanted to sit in the same row as me so we could talk easier (she told me this later on the ride to her home/movies).
  • Asking me to out to the movies (this might not count, but you think date when going to the movies).
On the way back it got quiet (not like awkward quiet) and she asks in a somewhat serious voice if I was thinking of anything. I said kinda which was followed by a small pause. Then she mentions this has kind of been like one long date. So I took this as my chance to ask "Do you want to start dating?" I don't remember what she exactly said but she said mentioned how she was going back to Utah for school soon, so I took that as sort of a no. I mentioned how I thought she was dropping major hints throughout the day and she said she was sorry about that. The ride home was a little more awkward after that and we came to her house. I opened the car door for her (not actually to be romantic, but something I thought was a little silly to hopefully lift the mood). She laughed (so I guess it worked) and we were both standing outside her house. I didn't try to kiss her or anything (she already implied that she didn't want to start dating) and I just said I'll see her at work. I also felt there was a sort of awkward pause with her between both of us being outside and me getting back into the car to say see ya Monday.

So now I'm kind of confused where this leaves us. Was this all really entirely platonic? Or was I suppose to be more aggressive when she mentioned she would going to school soon in Utah? Tbh I didn't even consider anything romantic until the movie was about to start. We're both kind of quiet people, so I can't really imagine her trying a more direct way for her getting me to make a move. To add more confusion, she's a Mormon (I already knew this, but I thought it would be interesting to see how many readers could guess this from 'she goes to school in Utah') and I'm non-religious (think I've been to church 3 times in my entire life).

So ... opinions?

Unrelated question: why is 'a forum' only visible to people signed in? 'A forum' doesn't have a sqsa thread, so I asked here.
 
kokoloko said:
anal is overrated

~70% of women don't like to give head
~95% of women suck at giving head

and tbh, it makes sense for it to be difficult to get off on oral; actual intercourse not only gives that y'know... feeling of actual connection, but its something you can actually "turn the dial" on. oral is almost always 100% dictated by the other person, which makes it less pleasurable almost by definition.

of course, if done right (this usually only happens when the other person knows exactly how you like it, which obviously takes time to learn), its fucking amazing

i've been with my girl for about 3 and a half years now, and we've been sexually active for about 3 years. it took a /really/ long time for oral to become more "as good" as actual intercourse; it'll probably never be "better", though, because even though the "connection" is there, its not something i can take control of to make better (idk if i'm actually getting my point across here??)
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My girlfriend loves giving but she's acknowledged she wants to get way better at it. I've had no others so I have no comparison but I imagine it can get a lot better. She's also had no others so I'm sure a lot of it will just come down to more and more times doing it to figure out what works super well, but do you have any other advice to offer me/her for making oral more and more awesome?
 
I've never really been able to get off from oral either. I figured it was because of my masturbatory habits. It's definitely pleasurable, yeah, but I always seem to hit a plateau where everything just gets numb and it's not really pleasurable anymore. It's sucked for both me and my previous partners, since I'm not getting off and my partner worries about their ability to make me come.

It helps that I really enjoy going down on women, though. Nothing quite like watching someone squirm because of you.
 
-Eddie- said:
To add more confusion, she's a Mormon
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Oh shit man, I had a reply all put together in my head and then BAM - you throw a wrench in the whole thing.

I wish I could answer this, because I've never known a Mormon and I know nothing about how they act as hormonal youngsters. But, from my own non-religious perspective: you shoulda tried to kiss her. If she's leaving for school soon, what's the worst that could happen, she says no?

If I were you, I'd go find her/call her and tell her "I know you're leaving soon, but I want to take you to dinner/a movie" slash whatever you think she'd enjoy. Be straight forward about it, tell her you really enjoyed the day together and you want to do it again.

Unrelated question: why is 'a forum' only visible to people signed in? 'A forum' doesn't have a sqsa thread, so I asked here.
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butts and boobies, man, butts and boobies
 
DM said:
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

also I can't ejaculate from oral either, but I don't blame it on masturbating because that's something I barely do. I just rarely get good enough head
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I would gladly take that problem. My sexual experience extends to my right hand and every so often my left when I'm feeling frisky.

Regarding serious relationships, I seem to have this pattern. I'm an outgoing, excitable person irl, almost always eager to meet to new people, etc etc. I generally try to be nice and supportive to all people, even those who irritate me day in and day out. However, whenever I start feeling attraction towards someone, I pull away and try and avoid them. I withdraw when I'm around them. I think its a self-conscious issue and I'm working on it, but does/has anyone else experience(d) the same problem?
 
Draco, you sound like me last year. Honestly, just try and let yourself not get tense.

After I finally had an intimate relationship it really kicked everything into gear and gave me the mentality of "someone thought I was attractive enough to do intimate stuff with, others will to" A couple of girlfriends later and I'm in an amazing relationship.
 
Yeah, I totally relate to you Draco. I used to be incredibly shy around people in general. For me, it just took one person that I entered into a relationship with who was extremely confident. Because I had experienced a relationship, it became much easier after that relationship because I knew what to expect more. Similar to Brammi I guess.

Of course, that doesn't really solve your problem, but there is literally no other advice to give you than just be confident with yourself. You say you are an outgoing person, so just be yourself. Clichéd I know but it's true.
 
-Eddie- said:
Sort of big post

So I haven't been following this thread at all, but I find myself in need of possible dating advice and I don't feel like talking with my friends about it.

First off, I am 19 (almost 20) and have zilch experience with dating (didn't even go to prom). I wasn't really social in high school, but I'm kind of making a fresh start in college.

So there's this girl I'm friends with at my work (we're both doing full-time internships during the semester, so no school). She likes to get involved in volunteer activities and invited me to go w/ her and some other volunteer group to help clean up new jersey. I've been feeling like a waste of space recently, so I thought volunteering sounded great (I had no romantic intentions). This was sort of a big commitment since we live in central MD (about 3.5 hour commute), but we took a tour bus so not really a big deal. She didn't know the rest of the group so we pretty much solely talked with each other (the other people were either 50+ or some rather annoying high school students). This was also the first thing we did together outside of work.

This was from 6:30 AM -10:00 PM. She says she was dropped off this morning so I offered to drive her home (kind of out of the way but not a big deal). On the way to her house, she asks me if I want to see Wreck-It Ralph and said yes (really good btw). I paid for both tickets (don't know if this is relevant at all). We were having a great time the entire day and I felt (even w/ limited dating experience) she was dropping MAJOR hints that she was interested in me throughout the day, including:

  • Asking if I had a girlfriend.
  • Talking about her past relationships for a surprising large amount of the day (maybe like two 10 minute conversations, but it still happened more than I expected it would happen).
  • Explicitly saying she enjoyed my company.
  • The bus was kind of empty so we each have our own bus rows (idk what you call them, but we each had 2 seats). She asks to sit in my row. I took this as move to a different row but apparently she wanted to sit in the same row as me so we could talk easier (she told me this later on the ride to her home/movies).
  • Asking me to out to the movies (this might not count, but you think date when going to the movies).
On the way back it got quiet (not like awkward quiet) and she asks in a somewhat serious voice if I was thinking of anything. I said kinda which was followed by a small pause. Then she mentions this has kind of been like one long date. So I took this as my chance to ask "Do you want to start dating?" I don't remember what she exactly said but she said mentioned how she was going back to Utah for school soon, so I took that as sort of a no. I mentioned how I thought she was dropping major hints throughout the day and she said she was sorry about that. The ride home was a little more awkward after that and we came to her house. I opened the car door for her (not actually to be romantic, but something I thought was a little silly to hopefully lift the mood). She laughed (so I guess it worked) and we were both standing outside her house. I didn't try to kiss her or anything (she already implied that she didn't want to start dating) and I just said I'll see her at work. I also felt there was a sort of awkward pause with her between both of us being outside and me getting back into the car to say see ya Monday.

So now I'm kind of confused where this leaves us. Was this all really entirely platonic? Or was I suppose to be more aggressive when she mentioned she would going to school soon in Utah? Tbh I didn't even consider anything romantic until the movie was about to start. We're both kind of quiet people, so I can't really imagine her trying a more direct way for her getting me to make a move. To add more confusion, she's a Mormon (I already knew this, but I thought it would be interesting to see how many readers could guess this from 'she goes to school in Utah') and I'm non-religious (think I've been to church 3 times in my entire life).

So ... opinions?

Unrelated question: why is 'a forum' only visible to people signed in? 'A forum' doesn't have a sqsa thread, so I asked here.
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how long have u known her? and I think the biggest mistake u made was overthinking her intentions, should've just taken what she said on a platonic level. Actually I think u should always take these sort of thing on a platonic level cos even if she was hinting at something this is wayyyyy too subtle. Tbh it just sounded like small talk and just enjoying the company of a friend.

but idk that's just from what u said. body language is also really important when it comes to whether someone likes u or not but from what u said, i wouldn't really read into it.

i mean i've a friend who i haven't known for so long but we talk about sex/relationships often enough, but that doesn't mean we want each otherr, u know?

in fact i think her talking about her past relationships extensively is kinda a red flag anyway.

Dracoyoshi8 said:
I would gladly take that problem. My sexual experience extends to my right hand and every so often my left when I'm feeling frisky.

Regarding serious relationships, I seem to have this pattern. I'm an outgoing, excitable person irl, almost always eager to meet to new people, etc etc. I generally try to be nice and supportive to all people, even those who irritate me day in and day out. However, whenever I start feeling attraction towards someone, I pull away and try and avoid them. I withdraw when I'm around them. I think its a self-conscious issue and I'm working on it, but does/has anyone else experience(d) the same problem?
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it only happened to me once and that was with someone i really adored but the key is really just to push asides those feelings around them and treat them like anybody else. easier said than done ofc.
 
I kind of like this girl, and I hear some stuff from my friends that she likes me a bit as well. We are friends I guess and she seems to like me in some regards. It is more like she is friends with me because I am really funny not for any relationship stuff. Has anyone been in a situation like this, where you like some but the girl thinks of you as more of a joke than a serious guy?
 
Dracoyoshi8 said:
I would gladly take that problem. My sexual experience extends to my right hand and every so often my left when I'm feeling frisky.

Regarding serious relationships, I seem to have this pattern. I'm an outgoing, excitable person irl, almost always eager to meet to new people, etc etc. I generally try to be nice and supportive to all people, even those who irritate me day in and day out. However, whenever I start feeling attraction towards someone, I pull away and try and avoid them. I withdraw when I'm around them. I think its a self-conscious issue and I'm working on it, but does/has anyone else experience(d) the same problem?
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I think everyone has had that problem where your crush just turns you into a mute and makes your knees weak. When I was in 4th grade I was so scared of my crush I literally ran the opposite way if she was walking towards me. Its just the fear of rejection though. It took me many years and many mistakes to have an idea of how to talk to girls that I found attractive. You just have to power through it. You know that voice in your head that's like "don't talk to her she'll reject you" or w/e? Tell it to fuck off. Just make note when you notice that you are starting to withdraw and instead go over and say hi. I'm no dating expert by any means, but as a former shy kid I was in the same boat many times, and I just bit the bullet one day and started talking.
 
i finally realized i have somethin to post here

i dont have a very easy time being the top. i can fuck, have fun and actually make him feel pretty good (apparently) but i cant for the life of me get off from it.

which in retrospect is funny cuz before i ever topped all i could think of was "oh man imma bust my nut so fast" but nope.

plz let me be the bottom
 
You communicated what you desired from your relationship, that is never a bad thing. I'm not one for bio-truths, but at you're at your 'sexual peak' and sex is going to be a priority for you and there isn't anything wrong with it. If this ruins your relationship, it's going to be very painful, but life is too short to spend wishing for things that you can't have. Having sex for the first time with a partner is kind of awkward and kind of pretty awesome as you can laugh about the complications of positioning and shit (maybe this isn't fun for some people, but I think it's really cool and brings people closer). Also when you hang out with your lover, you can always have sex when things get boring/slow. You really need to communicate more, not less, ask her what she feels about sex. Does she masturbate? Ask her about her sexual history, that type of thing. The formula for good sex is always sex+communication.
 
Another thing that you mentioned is that you haven't taken her out on a date recently. Man, just plan something and invite her! One of the biggest things I miss about being in a relationship is planning dates and taking her out on them. They're a blast if you plan it right, and it shows her that she means a lot to you. Dates are easily one of the best ways to reaffirm that what the two of you have is special and enjoyable. I know you said she was busy, but who cares? Plan a date and give her a few days heads up. If she can't make it, that's cool. You'll have time in the future to go out again; no worries. Just keep planning and eventually, she'll get some free time! And while you're on dates, it's a lot easier to communicate, like Myzozoa said above, which can lead to you getting into this stuff.
 
Birkal said:
Another thing that you mentioned is that you haven't taken her out on a date recently. Man, just plan something and invite her! One of the biggest things I miss about being in a relationship is planning dates and taking her out on them. They're a blast if you plan it right, and it shows her that she means a lot to you. Dates are easily one of the best ways to reaffirm that what the two of you have is special and enjoyable. I know you said she was busy, but who cares? Plan a date and give her a few days heads up. If she can't make it, that's cool. You'll have time in the future to go out again; no worries. Just keep planning and eventually, she'll get some free time! And while you're on dates, it's a lot easier to communicate, like Myzozoa said above, which can lead to you getting into this stuff.
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I'm trying to do this. For example, Pittsburgh's got this thing called Light Up Night where all the places downtown go gonzo for Christmas. We actually had plans to go, but she ended up cancelling. We were also going to see a show, but her big in her sorority forgot to tell her earlier there was something mandatory, so that was also a last minute change (the tickets were super cheap, so it's not like I was out a lot of money). Two weeks out of a month where we were gone for a week for Thanksgiving sounds like a fair attempt on my part, but I just haven't had the results I've wanted.

I don't blame her for the second incident at all, but I did let her know I was pretty disappointed in not being able to to Light Up Night with her.

Our school does have a formal this Friday that we've been planning on going to since October. Although if she cancels that, lord knows how pissed I will be.
 
shade said:
i say this in all seriousness, i think you two just need to bang
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In all seriousness, I am quoting this post to agree with it.

I'm certainly not saying either of you should do something you're both not ready and fully committed to doing. Even if it just means trying to move one step further to the next base every weekend, give it a shot. But sex does move a relationship to the next level, and if it's right, it will strengthen the bond between you guys in ways you don't understand yet.
 
DM said:
In all seriousness, I am quoting this post to agree with it.

I'm certainly not saying either of you should do something you're both not ready and fully committed to doing. Even if it just means trying to move one step further to the next base every weekend, give it a shot. But sex does move a relationship to the next level, and if it's right, it will strengthen the bond between you guys in ways you don't understand yet.
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But at the same time, if it becomes the focal point of the relationship then it won't end well. If your relationship is stale without sex, adding sex to it won't change that. All it will do is give you two something else to do instead of talk or otherwise spend time together, and it will eventually become what is holding you together. Sex should be just a byproduct of your love and passion for one another, not the glue that holds your relationship together. Trust me, if this girl ends up being "the one", you will have your whole lives to have sex with each other. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking that introducing sex to the relationship will solve whatever problems you're having.
 
ummmm why hasnt anyone noticed the obvious? just dump her. what kind of chick doesnt have sex at like 20 years old with a year long boyfriend, and doesnt see him for a month and is totally cool with it?

its just not an intimate enough relationship. sex isnt just physical or this thing we do to get off, its this really intense emotional bond you develop with another person and relationships who lack it are either immature or unfulfilling. when you're younger you can date for a while without sex because its an immature relationship, a starter-kit so to speak, but at your age you should be looking for adult relationships.

forget this ask her nicely bullcrap, or surprise her with a romantic date bullcrap, just hit the world, scope for some other girls and see if any are relationship material. you're clearly capable of getting a gf.
 
DM said:
But sex does move a relationship to the next level, and if it's right, it will strengthen the bond between you guys in ways you don't understand yet.
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I'm not doubting your advice at all DM. Just wanna point out that the way I wrote it probably highlights the sex too much. I'm actually okay if I have to stay at second base for a while. It's just that combined with the lack of emotional intimacy as of the last month has been a bit much.

@ivar, that option has been noted, and if/when I hit my breaking point, I will use that option. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that, but we'll see. Also, I do wanna point out that we do see each other about three times a week. It's just we've fallen into the classic relationship rut where you sit around, watch TV, and do nothing really adventurous.

Well anyways, saw her again today. Grabbed a quick dinner and played a bit of Mario Party before she had to go off to her sorority chapter meeting for the week. She seemed determine to patch things up in fairly subtle ways. Just small shit like nestling up to me while we're waiting for the shuttle and enjoying a couple good laughs. It's much too soon to draw any conclusions, but it's a step in the right direction.

Anyways, thanks for the all the insight guys. I've got a handle on it from here.
 
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