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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
- Thread starter Gabe
- Start date
Hardly. Catch me on IRC sometime.
You may see it this way, but perhaps she does not. If you were deemed "expendable" at all, I doubt that this would happen:
You shouldn't feel that way. I'm sure she doesn't. Just don't do it all the time.
This post just kind of goes on like that. I spent a while trying to come up with some version of a reply that does not end up as some kind of attack or insult. It's difficult. I am going to simply cut it down to this: People aren't disposable. Relationships shouldn't be either.
this is p cute
a+
i think you're blowing this out of proportion slightly. not going on a date for a month is fine, this is not a big deal as long as you're spending time together, whether it's playing games, watching new girl, eating together, whatever.
being together for 11 months at age 20, and not having sex, is a bit out of the ordinary. any man would be forgiven for crying about that. it's natural for you to want to do it, and not getting it and being satisfied for this long doesn't make you weak. if there is a solid reason for her not wanting to have sex, then that's fine, but if not, you need to be proactive. just because she has denied you in the past doesn't mean you should stop trying.
it sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal and letting yourself be a low priority - try taking a bit of control or not being so available to her. maybe then she will start to make some effort.
When you express zero romantic interest in a girl for an extended period of time.
that's what i thought. i'll find out this saturday anyway.
also, when it comes to romantic interests your best bet is generally just to be direct and ask the person on a date, even if you suspect you're being friendzoned. If your suspicions are confirmed, there will be that initial awkwardness but that will quickly fade away because who gives a shit in the grand scheme of things seriously, and chances are they knew you were into them anyway, along with your mutual friends. It also means great things if you were wrong!
Taking a different turn here:
Has anyone asked out a friend (and by that I don't mean someone you met a week ago and now you're acquaintances) and:
1) If she said yes, how was the relationship (i.e. were you compatible, if you broke up later on, was it amiable, did you become friends again, etc).
2) If you were rejected, what was your friendship like afterwards?
Sorry if this is suddenly out of the blue, but I just had a thought reading through a few of the posts and wondered if anyone actually went through this.
Has anyone asked out a friend (and by that I don't mean someone you met a week ago and now you're acquaintances) and:
1) If she said yes, how was the relationship (i.e. were you compatible, if you broke up later on, was it amiable, did you become friends again, etc).
2) If you were rejected, what was your friendship like afterwards?
Sorry if this is suddenly out of the blue, but I just had a thought reading through a few of the posts and wondered if anyone actually went through this.
Alternate ending: When the girl can't tell that you're trying to express romantic interest (for you awkward fellows)
a friend expressed feelings for me, and after i (once again) made it clear that i valued him most as one of my very best friends, he move to a different state.
HI MY NAME IS GEORGE AND I"D LIKE TO CONVERSE WITH YOU ON A REGULAR BASIS AND MAYBE HAVE SEX SOMETIME?
being direct is needed broheim, awkwardness is no excuse, ever
More guys ask out (propose fucking? whatever your wording) girls than girls ask out guys. Expressing romantic interest is important, they're not mind readers.
Conversely: be okay with the fact that no girl is going to start going out with you unless you initiate, enjoy many platonic friendships with the opposite sex!
I'm currently doing the latter, it's dope. I don't ever have to worry if a girl is interested in me or whatever, because nothing's going to become of it if I'm passive enough!
Haha this is me. I think it works but sometimes I think I've just tricked myself into thinking that it works because I don't want to face the reality of the situation.
and guys are conditioned to be sexist know it alls?? sheesh, i suppose i've never asked a guy out on a "date" (because the concept is sort of silly anyway, you shouldn't have to label dinner and a movie as a date to know that it has romantic intent) but i've sure as hell expressed interest in a guy if interest existed. damn.
if you don't want to be snared in the mythological atmosphere that is the friend zone, then stop beating around the fucking friendly bush. if you like a girl, express interest - if there is anything that ALL people like, it's being direct and confident in your desires. shuffling your feet and looking up at someone from beneath your eyelashes was cute when you were 5, just ask a girl to go out with you if you want to! highlighting the fact that it would just be the two of you is a lot better than "………..as a date."
if you don't want to be snared in the mythological atmosphere that is the friend zone, then stop beating around the fucking friendly bush. if you like a girl, express interest - if there is anything that ALL people like, it's being direct and confident in your desires. shuffling your feet and looking up at someone from beneath your eyelashes was cute when you were 5, just ask a girl to go out with you if you want to! highlighting the fact that it would just be the two of you is a lot better than "………..as a date."
yeah but a really common "friendzone" is when you ask your friend out, or express interest to, etc, and "no lets just be friends" happens. Theres a reason why you want to go out with this person, because they are a great person (etc), so its really hard to just say "oh okay" and move on and break ties.
if you're in an "unaware" friendzone, then thats your own fault and you cant blame anyone else (because you never made a move), but if you're "just friends" and both parties are aware, then all you can say is that "You tried" and it didnt happen.
being "friend zoned" is universally misconstrued as "bad" and what not, its only bad to, for lack of better terms, "alphas" and "sociopaths", whose macho personas look down on people who have friends who are girls that they arent fucking.
its a problem of social acceptance, social awareness and social construct that creates this so-called problem, theres a lot of pressure to go fuck everything you see out there these days (its not even being subliminal anymore), so what can you do
if you're in an "unaware" friendzone, then thats your own fault and you cant blame anyone else (because you never made a move), but if you're "just friends" and both parties are aware, then all you can say is that "You tried" and it didnt happen.
being "friend zoned" is universally misconstrued as "bad" and what not, its only bad to, for lack of better terms, "alphas" and "sociopaths", whose macho personas look down on people who have friends who are girls that they arent fucking.
its a problem of social acceptance, social awareness and social construct that creates this so-called problem, theres a lot of pressure to go fuck everything you see out there these days (its not even being subliminal anymore), so what can you do
This is really what I'm worried about, like the sex aspect is awesome and all that, but I don't want to lose her as a friend when she eventually finds another person because shes so awesome and the idea of it being weird after we 'move on' really bothers me. I say 'when she finds another person' not because I'm secretly in love with her and don't want to find another person, but because I have a very weird romantic identity and I don't really look for love or understand love. I know that sounds kind of immature and afraid of commitment or something, but the actual reason for this is because I'm worried that any long-term partner would interfere with my plans to indoctrinate the children I have/adopt. I probably won't try to explain this here, but it isn't as silly as it seems.
ding ding ding we have a winner
You know how a lot of guys have that girl friend they think is really cute? Yeah, chances are if she said "hey let's go on a few dates" or similar, they'd probably say yes. The same thing applies for girls. I was friends with my girlfriend for about four months before things turned romantic.
Just as a quick hypothetical, imagine if your not-so-attractive lady friend started hinting at a date. You'd probably ignore her advances and pretend like it's friendship as always. If she asked you directly, you'd probably pull some sort of friend card. Maybe take her on a date kinda out of pity. This is what girls do to guys all the time, and if girls asked guys out more often, guys would be doing it more too.
So in my opinion, the friend zone doesn't exist, or if it does, it can be broken if you're attractive enough. It's become a dating buzz word though, and it drives me crazy.
And for Eraddd:
1. As I mentioned before, I was friends for four months with my girlfriend before dating her. 11 months later, the relationship is pretty strong despite my ramblings in previous posts in this thread (goddamn I am embarrassed).
1a. I guess you could say I was somewhat friends with my ex before we started dating. We used to hang out on occasion in groups. That relationship was also decent (11 months) until the very end when she discovered drinking was a thing. We ended up breaking up because of college. After we broke up, we had probably two friendly online conversations that spanned 10 minutes each, and then we never spoke to each other again.
2. My first/only rejection came from my first attempt at dating. She was a nerdy girl but hey, she was kind of cute. She said she was starting to see someone else, which I thought was a "ew no not you" until I actually saw the Facebook relationship status go up like three days later. Their relationship was actually pretty significant and went on for about two years, so I'm not feeling so bad about myself on that one. Still, to answer your question, it was VERY awkward for a while for me. She was the first girl I ever asked out, and being rejected on your first run is a painful and enlightening ordeal. I ended up distancing myself from her to make it easier on myself. Eventually we ended up talking again, but for a while, I kept away.
And as a side point for anyone who might be fearing that rejection, it's really a rite of passage. You learn so much about dating. You'll find that rejection isn't really that bad, and that there are so many viable girls. I owe a lot to that first girl in terms of what I am today and how I interact with others, especially in terms of the opposite sex.
Quoted for truth.
The term "friendzone" annoys me, quite frankly. People who use it seem to think that girls owe them a relationship just because the guy is interested in her. Truth is, no one owes anyone anything... and when I tell a guy I just want to be friends, it's pretty much always because I actually want to be friends with him even if I don't like him "that way". Now, I have had crushes on guy friends before, and there's no way I would reject a guy just because we were "such good friends". Attraction is either there or it's not, and if a girl isn't attracted to you, it's not something that should reflect badly on her at all! Surely there are girls you guys would reject if they expressed interest in you; it's the same concept. You can't really help who you do or don't fall for.