I'll second this; the age gap isn't (imo) a huge thing as long as you're both in your twenties.
GL C:
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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
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I'll second this; the age gap isn't (imo) a huge thing as long as you're both in your twenties.
GL C:
the gaga thing was said it in jest, i'm sure phantasia got that lol
but pernicious, i definitely can see your POV and that's true that it's his life and she'll have to accept it whether or not it's an issue to her. i think bringing it up out of the blue is kinda random and weird and unnecessarily forcing the issue though which can be awkward. especially since he's worried it might be an issue with his parents, then he should at least know what he's getting into first.
of course i know he said it in jest <3 ily junior
my mother is absolutely and completely ok with me bein gay. i dont mind too much about my father, really.
thanks for the input. just the thought of tellin myself to ignore the age-gap (because quite frankly, its not even a thing to think about) is makin me feel a lot cooler about this. just gonna introduce him and let it go from there i guess.
edit: honestly just thinkin of like goin all "hey wanna see the pics i took divin last sunday?" and casually drop "i was with my boyfriend" or somethin silly.
my mother is absolutely and completely ok with me bein gay. i dont mind too much about my father, really.
thanks for the input. just the thought of tellin myself to ignore the age-gap (because quite frankly, its not even a thing to think about) is makin me feel a lot cooler about this. just gonna introduce him and let it go from there i guess.
edit: honestly just thinkin of like goin all "hey wanna see the pics i took divin last sunday?" and casually drop "i was with my boyfriend" or somethin silly.
Never tell a friend you love them (guy to gal). I've found out the hard way.. I doubt adding 'platonic' would change the reaction.
Love is such a loaded word. I have to remind myself to not use it carelessly.
If I were to chart meaningfulness when I say/use it...
My 'love': <3<3< (2.5/6)
Anothers 'love': <3<3<3<3 (4/6)
Going off the 7 year gap thing..
How young is too young in most peoples minds?
If we are assuming his parents are accepting of his gaiety, then we also assume they would treat him like any parent would treat a child in a heterosexual relationship. If I had been 20 and brought home a 27yo girlfriend, my parents wouldn't have been completely on board. Even moreso if my sister, at 20, had brought home a 27yo boyfriend. The age difference should still be a factor, gay, straight, or anything in between.
I cannot claim to have any personal knowledge of the dynamics between parents and gay children, nor do I know much about gay relationships themselves, specifically how age differences will affect maturity levels. This is just how I see it.
I cannot claim to have any personal knowledge of the dynamics between parents and gay children, nor do I know much about gay relationships themselves, specifically how age differences will affect maturity levels. This is just how I see it.
my thoughts exactly. this has been my thought from when phantasia first posed the question, but as with many questions in this thread, i just choose to not say anything most of the time lol.
If i were to put my sister in your situation and she brought home a 27 year old male, no one in my family would take it well including myself, her 22 year old older brother. i wouldn't care much but my guard would go up and i'd be more in the mindset of "look out for her and first try to make sure this guy is aight before any acceptance is given" mindset. Now if she brought home someone more around her age, not only would no guards go up from my parents, me or her other even older brother, but we would probably be bros right off the bat. no need to hesitate before accepting him.
of course keep in mind that you shouldnt really let the acceptance and welcome of family members affect you or the relationship much.
As a person who is also partaking in a relationship (if you could call it that) with fairly large age descrepancy (6 years ish), I don't understand why people (including my past self) look down on it. Its a recent thing.. and admittedly the idea is still somewhat farfetched in my mind but I don't feel like it is something to be looked down upon. Living in the here-and-now mentalilty is dangerous, that I understand, but simply put I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that 35 and 29 is socially acceptable but not two consenting adults of the same age discrepancy. I'm not saying 14 and 20 or 18 and 12.. two consenting adults.
An "adult" is just what the government says it is. In New York, an adult is anyone 18 or older (17 in certain circumstances). In some states, the age of consent is as low as 15 or 14.
"Adulthood" is arbitrary and cannot measure the emotional, psychological, and physical maturity of a person.
"Adulthood" is arbitrary and cannot measure the emotional, psychological, and physical maturity of a person.
Junior I knew it was a joke and what I said was meant to be a joke too lol
I don't think you should take it literal -hence a metaphor?-, i guess she meant more like how prejudice keep people away as if it were the plague in middle-ages or something >_>.
but it's just as x sanguine said, unfortunately many people is too afraid of illness and commitment....
okay soooooooooooo cos im awake for whatever reason, i've been thinking about a situation i'm in that was never a relationship but a heaps close friendship but whatever since i have nowhere else to post it.
background was posted in here before I think, but I might as well summarise it up again. Was super close to someone I really came to love, talked multiple times a day every day for the longest time ever (it was pretty much like people in relationships except the sexual part of it) and then something happened one night and mistakes were made and it just wasnt the same.
anyways we tried to make this friendship work / go back to the way it was for a few months. and then he just gave up, couldn't ever see me eye to eye or look at me the same way or whatever.
so anyways, even after we stopped talking, I would see how he was doing every now and then and small messages like happy new year and whatnot but obviously he moved on and I felt like I should do the same for both of our sake.
I proceeded to pretty much take no notice of him anywhere, facebook, twitter, tumblr, on forums (we were no longer friends on fb or following each other on other social media sites) and things seemed to be going fine. But then a month or so after I stopped trying to contact him, he seemingly started stalking my twitter and forum posts and was asking our mutual friends about me and stuff.
It didn't stop there though, he began tweeting passive aggressive things about me and it was pretty much unneccessary.
And then about a couple weeks later, I was staying at a friends place after clubbing and he was staying overnight too because he had his own agenda around that area. When I arrived at my friends place (at 3 am), this friend and the friend's boyfriend came out for a smoke and we were talking and I was under the assumption that the guy I had a history with was asleep. When I approached the house, he appeared out of nowhere and layed on the couch in the lounge room and it took me by surprise.
Naturally I did a double take, and had to compose myself for a few seconds. I greeted him only to be ignored so I just shrugged it off, went up stairs and got ready for bed.
The next day, our mutual friend was like to me, "oh he was trying to turn you into a topic all night when you were out and he was talking about you as if he was better than you" etc. which really pissed me off because we agreed to be CIVIL and to NOT HATE ON EACH OTHER all those months ago.
I mean, I took the liberty of not contacting him anymore on his wishes and I agreed to be civil and never even hated on him once (I love him I cant hate him no matter what he does to me) and I just don't understand where all of this hostility is coming from.
Point of this post: I would really appreciate anyone's opinion on why he's acting this way, why he's investing so much time on me, if he was the one that cut me out of his life. Not to mention how rude he was to me at the end of our friendship.
edit: my bad for this tldr I didn't even realise how much I was typing I AM SO MAD
background was posted in here before I think, but I might as well summarise it up again. Was super close to someone I really came to love, talked multiple times a day every day for the longest time ever (it was pretty much like people in relationships except the sexual part of it) and then something happened one night and mistakes were made and it just wasnt the same.
anyways we tried to make this friendship work / go back to the way it was for a few months. and then he just gave up, couldn't ever see me eye to eye or look at me the same way or whatever.
so anyways, even after we stopped talking, I would see how he was doing every now and then and small messages like happy new year and whatnot but obviously he moved on and I felt like I should do the same for both of our sake.
I proceeded to pretty much take no notice of him anywhere, facebook, twitter, tumblr, on forums (we were no longer friends on fb or following each other on other social media sites) and things seemed to be going fine. But then a month or so after I stopped trying to contact him, he seemingly started stalking my twitter and forum posts and was asking our mutual friends about me and stuff.
It didn't stop there though, he began tweeting passive aggressive things about me and it was pretty much unneccessary.
And then about a couple weeks later, I was staying at a friends place after clubbing and he was staying overnight too because he had his own agenda around that area. When I arrived at my friends place (at 3 am), this friend and the friend's boyfriend came out for a smoke and we were talking and I was under the assumption that the guy I had a history with was asleep. When I approached the house, he appeared out of nowhere and layed on the couch in the lounge room and it took me by surprise.
Naturally I did a double take, and had to compose myself for a few seconds. I greeted him only to be ignored so I just shrugged it off, went up stairs and got ready for bed.
The next day, our mutual friend was like to me, "oh he was trying to turn you into a topic all night when you were out and he was talking about you as if he was better than you" etc. which really pissed me off because we agreed to be CIVIL and to NOT HATE ON EACH OTHER all those months ago.
I mean, I took the liberty of not contacting him anymore on his wishes and I agreed to be civil and never even hated on him once (I love him I cant hate him no matter what he does to me) and I just don't understand where all of this hostility is coming from.
Point of this post: I would really appreciate anyone's opinion on why he's acting this way, why he's investing so much time on me, if he was the one that cut me out of his life. Not to mention how rude he was to me at the end of our friendship.
edit: my bad for this tldr I didn't even realise how much I was typing I AM SO MAD
It's almost as if going both your owns ways wasn't enough for him: it seems as if you hurt him deeply, and he feels it's necessary to make that fact known to you. Moreso, it's as if he is personally invested in forcing guilt upon you. I understand the position; I have seen it happen before, and it really is a shame.
I laughed so hard at this and I'm not saying this in a negative way. I actually find it quite appealing that someone would use the phrase "platonic love" in this day and age. However, I can see how most girls would react to it.
On the subject of a 7 year difference. I don't think it's a big deal above the age of 20 if both members are reasonable people. Of course parents will most likely have a problem with it at first, but they'll have a problem with anything... So it's best to get it over with sooner than later otherwise you're just stressing yourself out pointlessly.
@junior
I'm not going to pretend like I know the whole situation, but it sounds like he's a little jealous that you're not taking the "break up" as hard as he is. The fact that he wants to talk shit about you with your mutual friends shows that he's insecure about himself and the decision (if there really was one) that was made between you two, which is also evidenced by his detachment from actually interacting with you face-to-face.
I don't think there's an easy way to resolve the tension between you two. This is one of those situations where you can do one of two things: either be up front with him and ask what he's feeling, or confide in your friends what you posted here and your feelings about it and have them try and coax what he's really feeling out of him so you can both have a mutual understanding of your feelings before talking. In either case the "problem" isn't going to go away until a conversation of some kind is had between you two.
Or you can do what Lee said and let him stop being so immature as to want to talk shit behind your back to your friends on his own and just ignore him.
I mean neither one of you did anything wrong from what I can gather, you just kinda drifted apart. It happens lol.
OK this is a topic that's always piqued my interest lol so I'm going to chime in here with some ramblings.
I've never ever cared about the size of the other guys' penis (granted I'm still a virgin so I can't claim to know the difference in how it feels, but talking about attraction-wise I don't really care about the difference). I've just never seen the appeal of a massive or even big dong. Like they don't look any different, and it ultimately comes down to how you use it, not just size. Plus, it really only "needs" to be like 3 inches in order to stimulate what it needs to (the female G-spot is only like 2 inches into the vagina and the male prostate isn't much further). So no, I would never find a smaller penis a turn-off; it's still a penis and I'm still going to get to have sex (assuming this is consensual of course). If your partner of choosing is turned off by you not meeting their irrational fantasy of you having a big schlong then they're definitely not the right person for you to be penetrating.
I mean, there are some people that want a bigger schlong penetrating them, I have a female friend who is always going on about "man I really like big dicks, etc." but I think this is mostly because of what they see on porn. I mean, you're having sex, who cares how big the penetrator is? Unless they have like a huge selection of potential penetrators all the time and then they get to pick their preference...
So, am I worried about not being big enough? Not really; I can say that I'm average, but I wouldn't want a partner who is shallow enough to only want a certain dick size anyway.
I'm not going to pretend like I know the whole situation, but it sounds like he's a little jealous that you're not taking the "break up" as hard as he is. The fact that he wants to talk shit about you with your mutual friends shows that he's insecure about himself and the decision (if there really was one) that was made between you two, which is also evidenced by his detachment from actually interacting with you face-to-face.
I don't think there's an easy way to resolve the tension between you two. This is one of those situations where you can do one of two things: either be up front with him and ask what he's feeling, or confide in your friends what you posted here and your feelings about it and have them try and coax what he's really feeling out of him so you can both have a mutual understanding of your feelings before talking. In either case the "problem" isn't going to go away until a conversation of some kind is had between you two.
Or you can do what Lee said and let him stop being so immature as to want to talk shit behind your back to your friends on his own and just ignore him.
I mean neither one of you did anything wrong from what I can gather, you just kinda drifted apart. It happens lol.
OK this is a topic that's always piqued my interest lol so I'm going to chime in here with some ramblings.
I've never ever cared about the size of the other guys' penis (granted I'm still a virgin so I can't claim to know the difference in how it feels, but talking about attraction-wise I don't really care about the difference). I've just never seen the appeal of a massive or even big dong. Like they don't look any different, and it ultimately comes down to how you use it, not just size. Plus, it really only "needs" to be like 3 inches in order to stimulate what it needs to (the female G-spot is only like 2 inches into the vagina and the male prostate isn't much further). So no, I would never find a smaller penis a turn-off; it's still a penis and I'm still going to get to have sex (assuming this is consensual of course). If your partner of choosing is turned off by you not meeting their irrational fantasy of you having a big schlong then they're definitely not the right person for you to be penetrating.
I mean, there are some people that want a bigger schlong penetrating them, I have a female friend who is always going on about "man I really like big dicks, etc." but I think this is mostly because of what they see on porn. I mean, you're having sex, who cares how big the penetrator is? Unless they have like a huge selection of potential penetrators all the time and then they get to pick their preference...
So, am I worried about not being big enough? Not really; I can say that I'm average, but I wouldn't want a partner who is shallow enough to only want a certain dick size anyway.
Hi, its been a long time since I've posted here, but there's something I've been wanting to talk about for quite awhile.
If you didn't read my long background story of how I got to meet her, then I'll just give a brief summary.
Basically I met this girl, got together with her and am happy MOST of the time.
This is the problem. It has now been almost 11 months since I've been going out with her (we got together on 4/4/2012), and while our relationship is good most of the time, there is one major problem. She doesn't want people knowing about us, and doesn't want to make our relationship public. That night after we got together, she told me she didn't want ANYONE to know about our relationship, and told me not to tell even my closest friends. Of course the next day I told all my friends anyways, but she didn't know for a long time. I've made it clear to her quite a number of times that I'm annoyed at this, to the point where we have fought and actually broken up, though we got back together a few days later because she told me she really loved me and wanted me back. The first day of school after we were "official", she started avoiding me. When she saw me in the hallways, she would be too scared to even say "hi" to me. Yes, it was that bad. And I don't understand why. It's not as bad now, as she started telling some of her friends, but she still isn't okay with everyone knowing, and she's still scared of being seen with me. She's told me like a million times that she's not ashamed of me, and told me she doesn't want me to leave her ever, as evident from how she always wants me back if we "break up" (our break ups aren't really break ups). If she really loved me and cared for how I feel, then wouldn't she just stop this?
I know a bunch of you will tell me to dump her but I really love her, and that's not what I want. If anyone of you have any opinions or ideas on what I can do to resolve this, it'd be greatly appreciated. Again, this is my first "serious" relationship, and I'm only 16, so sorry if I'm doing something very dumb/wrong.
Cheers.
So I've known this girl for almost two years now. I first met her on a school trip when we went to Tibet. She's 18 months older than me, and a year above me in school. At that time, we sorta became friends, and talked a bit, but after the trip, we started drifting apart. We would say hi to each other when we saw each other in the hallways but nothing else.
Fast forward a year, and I'm on her school trip again (you pick a few destinations, and you are randomly assigned to one of the places), this time to Vietnam. We talked a lot more this time, and during the trip, I started falling for her. When we got back, we exchanged phone numbers and started texting each other a lot. We would talk about all sorts of things, and I just felt so comfortable being around her. She told me she treated me like a "little brother" though, so though I initially thought that she might have been liking me, I decided she probably didn't. However, as we talked more and more, she would start giving me hearts whenever she texted me, and started telling me she loves me, though I was sure at the time she didn't mean it "that" way. I thought about asking her out, but each time she referred to me as her little brother made me doubt whether I was making the right decision. For the next few weeks, though we still talked a lot, but I decided she probably wasn't worth it.
Another week passes, and one night she calls me. We talk for like 3 hours till 1 AM about life and other random things, and then all of a sudden, she askes me if I "like her that way". I was very surprised by this, as this was the last question I would expect her to ask me. I asked her why she asked, and if she felt the same way about me. Eventually, I told her I did have feelings for her, and I found out it was the other way around too. She told me she's never dated a guy younger than her before, and told me she wasn't sure if she should, even though she loved me. I was hurt when she said this. I mean, why does age matter (she's not even that much older) if we both like each other? We ended the call soon after that because she told me she had to go think it through, and also because it became slightly awkward.
Two days later, we went out for dinner, with another couple. This was the first time I saw her since I found out she liked me. At that point, we weren't together yet, and she still hadn't given me a definite answer. It was still very awkward (something I have never experienced with her) throughout the night, though I tried to make it seem like everything was fine. After dinner, we got into a cab together (since we live near each other), honestly not expecting anything to happen. However, as soon as we got in, she held my hand and a few moments later we started kissing. (She's my first actual girlfriend by the way. I had one 3 years ago but nothing much came of it.) Anyways, that night she told me she thought it through and she wants to be with me, and from that day on we have been going out.
Fast forward a year, and I'm on her school trip again (you pick a few destinations, and you are randomly assigned to one of the places), this time to Vietnam. We talked a lot more this time, and during the trip, I started falling for her. When we got back, we exchanged phone numbers and started texting each other a lot. We would talk about all sorts of things, and I just felt so comfortable being around her. She told me she treated me like a "little brother" though, so though I initially thought that she might have been liking me, I decided she probably didn't. However, as we talked more and more, she would start giving me hearts whenever she texted me, and started telling me she loves me, though I was sure at the time she didn't mean it "that" way. I thought about asking her out, but each time she referred to me as her little brother made me doubt whether I was making the right decision. For the next few weeks, though we still talked a lot, but I decided she probably wasn't worth it.
Another week passes, and one night she calls me. We talk for like 3 hours till 1 AM about life and other random things, and then all of a sudden, she askes me if I "like her that way". I was very surprised by this, as this was the last question I would expect her to ask me. I asked her why she asked, and if she felt the same way about me. Eventually, I told her I did have feelings for her, and I found out it was the other way around too. She told me she's never dated a guy younger than her before, and told me she wasn't sure if she should, even though she loved me. I was hurt when she said this. I mean, why does age matter (she's not even that much older) if we both like each other? We ended the call soon after that because she told me she had to go think it through, and also because it became slightly awkward.
Two days later, we went out for dinner, with another couple. This was the first time I saw her since I found out she liked me. At that point, we weren't together yet, and she still hadn't given me a definite answer. It was still very awkward (something I have never experienced with her) throughout the night, though I tried to make it seem like everything was fine. After dinner, we got into a cab together (since we live near each other), honestly not expecting anything to happen. However, as soon as we got in, she held my hand and a few moments later we started kissing. (She's my first actual girlfriend by the way. I had one 3 years ago but nothing much came of it.) Anyways, that night she told me she thought it through and she wants to be with me, and from that day on we have been going out.
If you didn't read my long background story of how I got to meet her, then I'll just give a brief summary.
Basically I met this girl, got together with her and am happy MOST of the time.
This is the problem. It has now been almost 11 months since I've been going out with her (we got together on 4/4/2012), and while our relationship is good most of the time, there is one major problem. She doesn't want people knowing about us, and doesn't want to make our relationship public. That night after we got together, she told me she didn't want ANYONE to know about our relationship, and told me not to tell even my closest friends. Of course the next day I told all my friends anyways, but she didn't know for a long time. I've made it clear to her quite a number of times that I'm annoyed at this, to the point where we have fought and actually broken up, though we got back together a few days later because she told me she really loved me and wanted me back. The first day of school after we were "official", she started avoiding me. When she saw me in the hallways, she would be too scared to even say "hi" to me. Yes, it was that bad. And I don't understand why. It's not as bad now, as she started telling some of her friends, but she still isn't okay with everyone knowing, and she's still scared of being seen with me. She's told me like a million times that she's not ashamed of me, and told me she doesn't want me to leave her ever, as evident from how she always wants me back if we "break up" (our break ups aren't really break ups). If she really loved me and cared for how I feel, then wouldn't she just stop this?
I know a bunch of you will tell me to dump her but I really love her, and that's not what I want. If anyone of you have any opinions or ideas on what I can do to resolve this, it'd be greatly appreciated. Again, this is my first "serious" relationship, and I'm only 16, so sorry if I'm doing something very dumb/wrong.
Cheers.
while its not exactly fair for her to do what she is doing, what you have on your side is you feel a need to tell everyone you're in a relationship, and think to yourself, is it really that important? Isn't it important to love what you have because its so great and amazing? Its weird with the public stuff, but does everyone really need to know? I think you can answer that yourself.
Again, not fair on her side, and I would talk to her about it (dont nag). If you have something special, it shouldnt be important to you that everyone knows about it.
Again, not fair on her side, and I would talk to her about it (dont nag). If you have something special, it shouldnt be important to you that everyone knows about it.
Hi, thanks. I forgot to mention that she's had two ex-boyfriends a few years back, and she told me that almost everyone knew about them (she was in a different school then). I don't understand why it is only this relationship of hers that she chooses/wants to keep a secret.
But I do agree to some extent that it shouldn't matter, though for some reason I feel it is a pretty important issue.
I think the most important thing for you to do is to find out why she doesn't want people knowing about you two. Maybe try and get together and have a serious talk with her about it, without accusations or losing your temper over it? On some level I'd like to agree with pookar but this sort of bullshit can definitely make someone feel unappreciated or make you feel like your partner is ashamed to be seen with you, regardless of what they say on the subject.
That being said, if I had to guess what her problem is... I'd imagine it's the age/legality issue. While age doesn't matter too much when you're an adult, when you're under 18? Yeah, it's kind of a big deal, especially when the older person goes over the age of consent. That sort of thing can really come back and bite someone on the arse, and it's possible she's worried about other people seeing her as predatory in some way to be dating younger dudes. I know when I was in high school that plenty of people would give someone in year 12 shit for dating someone 1+ year/s younger. Who knows though. I think your best bet is to talk to her about why she feels so strongly about not telling people.
That being said, if I had to guess what her problem is... I'd imagine it's the age/legality issue. While age doesn't matter too much when you're an adult, when you're under 18? Yeah, it's kind of a big deal, especially when the older person goes over the age of consent. That sort of thing can really come back and bite someone on the arse, and it's possible she's worried about other people seeing her as predatory in some way to be dating younger dudes. I know when I was in high school that plenty of people would give someone in year 12 shit for dating someone 1+ year/s younger. Who knows though. I think your best bet is to talk to her about why she feels so strongly about not telling people.
Alright. Firstly there isn't a logical explanation for her being so insistent on keeping the relationship secret, except that she's ashamed of it. This may sound harsh, but given that you're both in high school I'd guess she's more worried about her social status and somehow feels the relationship threatens it. No healthy relationship needs to be kept secret in this day and age, this isn't Shakespearean times. I seriously doubt legality is anything she's worried about as your ages are pretty close.
Secondly, the fact that you've said you two have fought and broken up multiple times tells me the relationship isn't very healthy and is not going to last. Once that first breakup happens and you've shown each other you're willing to "end it all" over anything other than infidelity, your relationship slowly begins to break down. That seed of doubt gets planted in the back of your mind and never really goes away, causing stress and friction between the two of you until the relationship meets a violent end.
This may sound harsh, but in my opinion there isn't a way to resolve this and still stay together. This relationship is not healthy, and you shouldn't need to prove to each other that you're serious or committed. It would be best for you to cut ties with this girl immediately and move on. It's going to suck initially, moreso because it's your "first love", but trust me when I tell you it's only going to get worse from here on out, and the longer you stay together the more pressure will build up, causing the ultimate end to be far more explosive and painful than it needs to be. Don't do that to yourself or each other. I've made the mistake (multiple times) of letting a relationship continue longer than it should have, and I regretted it each time because more pain was caused.
Before giving you advice, I would like to know what is the social consensus about relationships where the girl is the older in your country?
That may sound awkward, but depending on the culture of each country the girl may prefer to hide the fact they are dating a younger boy than herself, maybe the answer is as simple like that.
I live in the caribbean and here nobody cares about age differences (my girlfriend is, indeed, 3 years older than me, but at our ages that does not matter)
Lol, I've never seen this thread before. I'll be 16 in about 4 month and I haven't even been in a serious relationship. I've only kissed a girl once at camp and it went absolutely nowhere, lol. I had a crush in 4th grade and a crush in 9th and I was friend-zoned by both because I really tried to come off on them as a friend more then a lover so I screwed my self over there (haha). Why am I such a loser and why can't I talk to girls. ;__;
its high school man - labels are inevitable. fact of the matter is, your girlfriend doesn't feel comfortable being labelled by people and there is nothing you can do about it because that's her personal preference. maybe one day she'll feel more comfortable going public.
there is no resolve to this because the last thing you want to do is control your girlfriend's life. that will only drive her away. she obviously likes you a lot enough to come back and i imagine that its hard for her to abide to your request because she is stepping out of her comfort zone. she is definitely putting in effort to step out of it though. (she is telling some of her friends).
if it gets to the point were you don't feel satisfied with the relationship and you would rather be a part of an open relationship then you can always move on. put yourself first before anyone else. your happiness is more important.