Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread

[ShinyAzelf]

Hi, its been a long time since I've posted here, but there's something I've been wanting to talk about for quite awhile.

Long background story/information

So I've known this girl for almost two years now. I first met her on a school trip when we went to Tibet. She's 18 months older than me, and a year above me in school. At that time, we sorta became friends, and talked a bit, but after the trip, we started drifting apart. We would say hi to each other when we saw each other in the hallways but nothing else.

Fast forward a year, and I'm on her school trip again (you pick a few destinations, and you are randomly assigned to one of the places), this time to Vietnam. We talked a lot more this time, and during the trip, I started falling for her. When we got back, we exchanged phone numbers and started texting each other a lot. We would talk about all sorts of things, and I just felt so comfortable being around her. She told me she treated me like a "little brother" though, so though I initially thought that she might have been liking me, I decided she probably didn't. However, as we talked more and more, she would start giving me hearts whenever she texted me, and started telling me she loves me, though I was sure at the time she didn't mean it "that" way. I thought about asking her out, but each time she referred to me as her little brother made me doubt whether I was making the right decision. For the next few weeks, though we still talked a lot, but I decided she probably wasn't worth it.

Another week passes, and one night she calls me. We talk for like 3 hours till 1 AM about life and other random things, and then all of a sudden, she askes me if I "like her that way". I was very surprised by this, as this was the last question I would expect her to ask me. I asked her why she asked, and if she felt the same way about me. Eventually, I told her I did have feelings for her, and I found out it was the other way around too. She told me she's never dated a guy younger than her before, and told me she wasn't sure if she should, even though she loved me. I was hurt when she said this. I mean, why does age matter (she's not even that much older) if we both like each other? We ended the call soon after that because she told me she had to go think it through, and also because it became slightly awkward.

Two days later, we went out for dinner, with another couple. This was the first time I saw her since I found out she liked me. At that point, we weren't together yet, and she still hadn't given me a definite answer. It was still very awkward (something I have never experienced with her) throughout the night, though I tried to make it seem like everything was fine. After dinner, we got into a cab together (since we live near each other), honestly not expecting anything to happen. However, as soon as we got in, she held my hand and a few moments later we started kissing. (She's my first actual girlfriend by the way. I had one 3 years ago but nothing much came of it.) Anyways, that night she told me she thought it through and she wants to be with me, and from that day on we have been going out.

If you didn't read my long background story of how I got to meet her, then I'll just give a brief summary.

Basically I met this girl, got together with her and am happy MOST of the time.

This is the problem. It has now been almost 11 months since I've been going out with her (we got together on 4/4/2012), and while our relationship is good most of the time, there is one major problem. She doesn't want people knowing about us, and doesn't want to make our relationship public. That night after we got together, she told me she didn't want ANYONE to know about our relationship, and told me not to tell even my closest friends. Of course the next day I told all my friends anyways, but she didn't know for a long time. I've made it clear to her quite a number of times that I'm annoyed at this, to the point where we have fought and actually broken up, though we got back together a few days later because she told me she really loved me and wanted me back. The first day of school after we were "official", she started avoiding me. When she saw me in the hallways, she would be too scared to even say "hi" to me. Yes, it was that bad. And I don't understand why. It's not as bad now, as she started telling some of her friends, but she still isn't okay with everyone knowing, and she's still scared of being seen with me. She's told me like a million times that she's not ashamed of me, and told me she doesn't want me to leave her ever, as evident from how she always wants me back if we "break up" (our break ups aren't really break ups). If she really loved me and cared for how I feel, then wouldn't she just stop this?

I know a bunch of you will tell me to dump her but I really love her, and that's not what I want. If anyone of you have any opinions or ideas on what I can do to resolve this, it'd be greatly appreciated. Again, this is my first "serious" relationship, and I'm only 16, so sorry if I'm doing something very dumb/wrong.

Cheers.

We called just now and got into a fight. I broke up with her. I'm so fucking tired of our relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's ashamed of me, and I wish I had done the right thing sooner. I'm never letting myself get into another secret relationship again, and thank you to everyone who told me that I should have broken up immediately (WaterBomb).

I don't know if this will be the same as every other time we "break up", but if she comes crawling back to me, she can either tell me she'll make it public or otherwise it's actually over.

Funny thing is despite the fact that I love her so much, I'm not even that upset because I'm so pissed right now.

Sorry for ranting, but I just wanted to update you guys with my current situation...

 

[WaterBomb]

If she comes crawling back, you have to be strong and resist. It's hard for both of you, but it teaches you a much better lesson in the long run. If she learns now that she can't get away with that stuff, she'll be more motivated to fix the attitude in later relationships. If you can resist her and stay strong, it gives you confidence to enter your next relationship without reservations or baggage, because you are much more aware of what you want/don't want.

If you take her back, even on the condition of making things public, it just enables bad behavior. It makes it ok to do something wrong and then just apologize later. Sometimes tough lessons need to be learned before they sink in. Just my two cents.

 

[sora13]

I have a quick question and even though it'll probably be surprising for most of you I still want to talk about this:

I'm a senior in high school and 17 years old, and I have not started masturbating.

I know most people have started by my age, but it's just that whenever I think of trying it, I don't really have any sort of motivation to do it. When I do actually decide to go through with it, I do it for a little bit, then wonder, "Isn't something supposed to happen by now?"

Trust me when I say I am not sexually unfeeling, I like get sexual urges towards certain people just like anyone does. I want to say I am done with puberty for the most part, mainly because I have finished my growth spurt, but I am not completely sure. I get the feeling that the urge to masturbate is something that should feel natural and feels right. I don't really believe anything is wrong with me, so I'm just posting this to see if anyone can relate to what I am saying, and/or anyone has any advice regarding this. Maybe I just have to wait a little bit, I don't know at this point.

Edit: Just to make it clear, I am male.

 

[Bologo]

Um, I'm just wondering. For anyone who's ever been in a relationship before, how can you tell the difference between having feelings for someone and simply having a close friendship? I don't believe in stuff like the friendzone or anything, but I'm just not sure how to tell the difference between the two. I've never actually been in a relationship before (despite the fact that I'm already 22, but whatever), so I'm not really experienced at this sort of stuff.

Perhaps that didn't make much sense, so I'll elaborate. This is going to be long and not make a whole lot of sense, so bear with me. There's this wonderful lady I've been close friends with for almost 18 years now. We've known each other since we were 4, and we've actually managed to stay pretty tight the whole time.

In the past few years, I'd say since 2010, for whatever reason, I started having this crush on her, and it just sort of started up in my mind out of nowhere. I mean, I've always loved her personality and I think she's very good-looking, but it just kind of started out of nowhere. Keep in mind that she's never found out about my crush on her, and as far as I know, she still hasn't. It still honestly hasn't disappeared yet either.

So I moved to Ottawa for university while she stayed in Brampton to go to university. We've still managed to stay relatively close, despite the distance. And I'm going to be moving back to Brampton at the end of April because I'm gonna be going to college instead (since university made me hate life). I've always been happy every time I've been able to visit Brampton during university, because not only did I get to see my family, but I also got to spend some time with her.

Here's the thing though. I'm always really happy when I get to spend time with her in person, but lately I've been starting to wonder if it's moreso because we're close friends, and not because of this crush.

Because of the distance right now, we've usually kept talking by texting and such. She understandably doesn't text as much right now because she's in her last semester of university. So right now, usually I just kind of ask her how things are going, just to make conversation, even if it's not long.

For whatever reason though, lately I just haven't been feeling this crush very much at all. Who knows? Maybe that's a good thing, but I honestly feel like I'm forcing myself to keep it going solely because it's been going on for so long. And because I'm such close friends with her, I don't feel like it's a good idea to risk such an awesome friendship if I'm not even 100% into this anymore. I wanted to tell her about it after I finally moved back home, because she'd be done school and such, but now I'm not so sure about even telling her.

The reason I've never told her about the crush is that I didn't want to start a long-distance relationship, because I knew it wouldn't be good for either of us, especially having to focus on school while doing that. Trust me, I wanted to tell her for years, but it just never really felt like a good idea. And it's starting to feel like less and less of a good idea, which is a bit of a shame.

Basically, I'm starting to feel like maybe I mistook my feelings as an attraction, and that in truth, it was that we were becoming closer friends. I'm just not sure, because I've dealt with something like this before, but the only way the attraction before this one (which was a pretty strong one in itself) ended was that...well I became attracted to my friend. Who knows? Maybe that's all this is. Maybe I just jumped from one person to the other because I had to be attracted to someone.

Like, I'm just wondering, is there any real way to tell the difference between someone who's a close friend, and someone who's a potential significant other? And also, if you've had a crush on someone for such a long time, is it common for you to force yourself to continue it, even if it doesn't feel nearly as strong as it used to?

 

[Ace Emerald]

I have a quick question and even though it'll probably be surprising for most of you I still want to talk about this:

I'm a senior in high school and 17 years old, and I have not started masturbating.

I know most people have started by my age, but it's just that whenever I think of trying it, I don't really have any sort of motivation to do it. When I do actually decide to go through with it, I do it for a little bit, then wonder, "Isn't something supposed to happen by now?"

Trust me when I say I am not sexually unfeeling, I like get sexual urges towards certain people just like anyone does. I want to say I am done with puberty for the most part, mainly because I have finished my growth spurt, but I am not completely sure. I get the feeling that the urge to masturbate is something that should feel natural and feels right. I don't really believe anything is wrong with me, so I'm just posting this to see if anyone can relate to what I am saying, and/or anyone has any advice regarding this. Maybe I just have to wait a little bit, I don't know at this point.

Edit: Just to make it clear, I am male.

Though I was younger, I had the same problem at one point. Most of my male friends started masturbating in middle school, but I didn't until halfway through my freshman year. I know exactly what you're talking about, I had sexual urges but whenever I would play with it nothing would ever happen. It really changed when I started to look up porn, seeing it and getting aroused was really more important that the actual physical stimulation. I don't know what you personally have tried or if you have tried at all (I know I really didn't try all that much) but that's what happened to me, pretty much by accident.

 

[Oglemi]

I have a quick question and even though it'll probably be surprising for most of you I still want to talk about this:

I'm a senior in high school and 17 years old, and I have not started masturbating.

I know most people have started by my age, but it's just that whenever I think of trying it, I don't really have any sort of motivation to do it. When I do actually decide to go through with it, I do it for a little bit, then wonder, "Isn't something supposed to happen by now?"

Trust me when I say I am not sexually unfeeling, I like get sexual urges towards certain people just like anyone does. I want to say I am done with puberty for the most part, mainly because I have finished my growth spurt, but I am not completely sure. I get the feeling that the urge to masturbate is something that should feel natural and feels right. I don't really believe anything is wrong with me, so I'm just posting this to see if anyone can relate to what I am saying, and/or anyone has any advice regarding this. Maybe I just have to wait a little bit, I don't know at this point.

Edit: Just to make it clear, I am male.

Firstly, no it's not weird that you haven't masturbated yet (maybe "abnormal," but we're all different sexual beings which shouldn't carry any kind of shame with it). If you haven't felt the need then you just haven't. I can only envy your self control if you've had those sexual feelings while trying to go to sleep lol.

I'd recommend searching around the Internet a little bit to see what turns you on (in Incognito if you have Chrome, or the equivalent in other browsers). The beauty of the Internet is that there's literally everything out there, so explore your sexual preferences a little bit, have some fun. Also don't think you need to jump straight to the hardcore stuff lol, soft porn or even just scantily clad individuals is more than enough for some people or even more enticing.

The fun part is what I should stress here. If you are masturbating it should be a fun experience, and you should enjoy it. Feeling a little guilty is natural for some people, particularly if you have a religious background, but you should know that there's literally no harm done to anyone and the experience is great. Some cultures do look down on the unnecessary "loss" of semen, but I mean your body is currently a semen factory, that's literally one of its primary functions.

Don't be afraid to explore your own body too. Literally feel yourself up, see what you like, where you like to be touched and how. It'll help in the long run so you can tell your future sexual partners what you like which will make that experience better for both participants.

For the actual act I'd recommend using some kind of lube, whether that be a lotion like Jergens or something similar, or actual sex lube (silicon-based lube in particular is amazing). Spit can work too but it's not as enjoyable. Pumping dry can work too, and it's probably the best method for edging, but I don't find it as enjoyable. Also never use something like soap or hand sanitizer, that shit will burn the shit out of your urethra just fyi.

 

[Phadunk]

I hate using lotion. Probably because I just hate lotion in general.

I go 'dry' every single time.

 

[Coronis]

I don't even use my hands.

 

[Oglemi]

I hate using lotion. Probably because I just hate lotion in general.

I go 'dry' every single time.

Have you tried lube? If you haven't I'd highly recommend it. The difference between it and lotion is actually quite distinct.

EDIT: I will say I don't like water based lube very much for masturbating. Silicon based lube is where it's at.

I don't even use my hands.

the true master :o

 

[Smith]

I know most people have started by my age, but it's just that whenever I think of trying it, I don't really have any sort of motivation to do it. When I do actually decide to go through with it, I do it for a little bit, then wonder, "Isn't something supposed to happen by now?"

I was in a pretty similar boat for a while, albeit at a younger age. The key is that, thankfully for your future sexual partners, "something" doesn't happen immediately and it actually takes a fair bit of time- longer than you might think. As you get more practiced, the amount of time will continue to lengthen. Also, be sure to have some good material to watch/view/use, don't be afraid to use your imagination, and don't forget to breath. More importantly, of course, don't feel at all ashamed or embarrassed by your sexual habits, as they vary from person to person and really are nobody's business but yourself.

Also, @Bologo, I think you're just getting hung up on slapping a label on your relationship with another person, which invariably screws up people. Interpersonal relations are far too complex to be boiled down to a single word like "friend" or "girlfriend", and I wouldn't really worry on whether or not you have romantic feelings for this chick or not. It sounds like you legitimately enjoy her and her company, so if I were you, I would just keep spending time with her because she's obviously a human being you enjoy, and not worry too much about whether or not you have a crush or not. A lot of good romances start out as friendships, and since you've been friends for almost your entire life, don't feel like you have to charge into a relationship with her. Since you're moving back into relative proximity with her, you'll have plenty of time to allow whatever is going to develop, develop. Also, don't feel like you NEED to get a romance out of this eventually, like it's some sort of obligation to want to bone this chick because she is an attractive member of the opposite sex; just keep doing what you're doing, and let things develop authentically.

 

[blitzlefan]

I hate using lotion. Probably because I just hate lotion in general.

I go 'dry' every single time.

Try just doing things in the shower. It's a LONG shower XD, but ^this^ problem is no longer an issue.

 

[sora13]

Thanks for your words of advice everyone! Just so everyone knows, I watch porn from time to time, but I usually feel the same "lack of motivation" I mentioned. I tried doing it tonight with some porn and slippier lotion(i actually sneaked around my parents room to see if I could uncover some lube). Lotion helped quite a bit, and although this attempt didn't really differ much from other attempts I went a bit farther than I had before. I think it'.s the problem of jot getting aroused enough. I say this because recently I had a pleasant dream and after no "beating off" I came a little bit. I was half awake when it happened and tbh I was afraid I pissed i my shorts but I was surprised. anyways I wanted to follow up by asking two things: should the goal of msturbation be to orgasm most of the time and how fast should I"beat off"? I realize the second question may be personal preference to an extent.

 

[elcheeso]

I'd say orgasm is the goal of masturbation for most people. Can't answer the second question (I'm not even sure how anyone would measure that, ha), but I'll tell you that you shouldn't feel the need to masturbate if you're not actually interested in doing so. While it might be uncommon, that doesn't mean that something is wrong or that it's necessarily going to cause trouble in your future sex life, or what have you. I know I didn't really start until my late teens/early twenties, never gave me any problems. Eh. Is it something you actually want to do but can't, or do you just feel like you should be doing it because most people do? Judging by your posts it sounds like it could go either way.

 

[sora13]

I'd say orgasm is the goal of masturbation for most people. Can't answer the second question (I'm not even sure how anyone would measure that, ha), but I'll tell you that you shouldn't feel the need to masturbate if you're not actually interested in doing so. While it might be uncommon, that doesn't mean that something is wrong or that it's necessarily going to cause trouble in your future sex life, or what have you. I know I didn't really start until my late teens/early twenties, never gave me any problems. Eh. Is it something you actually want to do but can't, or do you just feel like you should be doing it because most people do? Judging by your posts it sounds like it could go either way.

I guess it's both, when I really do want to try itbit just doewn't pan out, but even though I will never believe something is wrong with me because of this, I do feel.some pressure to do it for the reasons you mentioned.

 

[Stallion]

So I'm seeing four girls at the moment. There was one I liked more though. We went on a few dates that went really well, and I was ready to drop the other girls. She's gorgeous (got to the second last round of miss Australia), smart (studying arts/law), great personality. She told me she has a bf back in syd (fb confirmed it, nearly 3 years) and that she really enjoyed herself with me and wasn't sure what to do. I told her I still really liked her and wanted to see her, but that I understood if she couldn't anymore cause she wanted to be with the guy in Sydney. She said she had a serious think about it and just wants to stay friends for now. I havent replied and dont intend to. Thing is she's still coming to my 21st. I want to make her realise how badly she's fucked up but I don't want to be petty, nasty or rude to her haha. Was just gonna be polite to her at my birthday and let her know through my actions that it doesn't bother me and that I'm someone who she should've pursued further. Show interest in other girls there, and depending on her reaction, maybe pull her aside to dance and be blunt/flirt with her ("you and me work, I know we both want each other" or something like that) Ideas or advice?

 

[tennisace]

bi and large sounds like my kinda girl

man its too late i almost woke up my housemate from laughter

Was just gonna be polite to her at my birthday and let her know through my actions that it doesn't bother me and that I'm someone who she should've pursued further.

You literally just answered your own question. Be friendly to her, have a nice conversation if you want, leave it at that. There's no need to accidentally/intentionally burn bridges or hurt feelings.

 

[Lee]

just don't play silly games and keep acting in the same manner that made her like you in the first place - anything can happen in time. if she's everything you say she is then it's worth showing a little patience.

or y'know...just back off and respect her wishes as unappealing as that probably sounds.

 

[tape]

hi i just came here to brag that im on my 2nd month anniversary with my boyfriend.

haha yeah.

good luck to everyone else here, what a page.

also doing it dry is kinda cooler but with lube it can be inventive!

edit: mensiversary???

edit2: menoversary??????

 

[Fishy]

congrats phantasia!! i'm glad you seem so happy :)

stallion, you shouldn't try and act any differently with this girl if you really like her. as already said, she likes you for your honest personality, so if you try and do anything cute to the effect of "choose me baby, you know i'm the better man" you're going to reiterate a dumb quality that this girl has probably turned down in plenty of dudes before. being attracted to someone and wanting to date someone shouldn't even be a "contest," otherwise you're too focused on winning a girl instead of just genuinely wanting to be with her, and being grateful if that's what happens, considering she's already with a serious boyfriend.

plus, would you really want to date a girl just because you were able to win her affections from someone else, rather than her deciding that she would truly be happier with you? what happens when stallion v2.0 comes along and pulls the same shenanigans, and you find yourself the ex-boyfriend because some jackass wanted to swoop in and prove that he was a better catch, probably more to sate his pride rather than actually respect and like this girl? :p

 

[Ninahaza]

so i was called a sexual deviant for the first time in my life last night.

I did not want to explore it further because i'm not sure if i wanted to know exactly the reason behind that conclusion, but it has been fucking (heh) with me more than it should. i literally have not been able to stop thinking about it ever since i got home this morning. I just view the term "sexual deviant" in such a negative light that i just cant process this. I have now started to think about all my strangest/most fucked up fantasies i've ever had. this is how bad its fucking with my head

 

[Fishy]

joseph jesus ninahaza, you mustn't take everything someone says to you to heart so desperately, even if it's related to sex - sexual deviant isn't a negative term, merely a description to a severe degree, objectively speaking. though i'm not sure why someone would call you a sexual deviant, when typically someone described as such is more on the manipulative side to get what they want sexually, and you seem (for lack of a more appropriate analogy in this context) a lost puppy in the world of sex and what your personal preferences are, experimentation wise!

and that's not to take a further jab at your possible homosexuality - again, you are whatever you yourself determine your orientation to be, but i'm pretty sure you're a heterosexual guy who has only recently opened himself up to all the possibilities in the world.

 

[Stallion]

Firstly, congrats Phantasia! Glad it's all going so well for you :).

Secondly, thanks for all the great advice guys. Before I respond to it all, I have an update for you! As mentioned above, I decided to not bother replying to her text about being just friends. As I expected (although I'm surprised it happened so soon), about 8 hours later she messages me saying "Are you angry with me now? Please don't be, I just want some time x". I decided to keep it honest, but without burning bridges or being an ass, and I said: "Do you legitimately need time because you're torn between me and the guy in sydney, or are you trying to let me down nicely because you feel guilty about our date? I'm just a little taken aback because I thought that everything was going well with us so far...x". To the point, honest, but not rude about everything. She tells me that she had a fantastic time with me as well and that she really wants to do it again, but she thinks it's too soon to be dating seriously again for her. I mentioned that I understood and that I'd be the same if I were in her position, and that we can just see each other more casually if she likes, to which she said was a perfect solution.

What confuses me is at what point is she at with this other guy. From her actions, words and behavior my guess is that it's all coming to an end, in which case I'm perfectly content with easing into things with her. Her facebook still mentions a relationship though, even though it's hidden away and you can't see it without doing some digging on her profile. To be honest, my head says "too fucking complicated, you have other girls that are into you" but my heart says "I like this one more than the others, I at least want to see where it goes". Now time to respond to individual bits of advice.

You literally just answered your own question. Be friendly to her, have a nice conversation if you want, leave it at that. There's no need to accidentally/intentionally burn bridges or hurt feelings.

Yeah that's what I was thinking. The way I see it, no matter what the situation there's no need to be a dick unless a girl did something atrocious to you, in which case you'd be wanting to burn bridges anyway. I have to continue to be honest yet reasonable in handling this.

just don't play silly games and keep acting in the same manner that made her like you in the first place - anything can happen in time. if she's everything you say she is then it's worth showing a little patience. or y'know...just back off and respect her wishes as unappealing as that probably sounds.

Always sensible Lee is sensible. I did the latter one by planning to back completely off until my birthday to see what she wanted to do, the fact that she sent a second text merely hours later shows me that she wasn't telling me the whole story, and just being friends isn't what she truly wanted. We definitely have never acted as friends would, meaning that she didn't message me again because she valued my friendship :P. Being blunt and honest with her has definitely helped things out though. I'm not usually a fan of games and what you say makes so much sense, I've just sadly found in the past that the only way to stay "ahead" so to speak is to play the same games as some girls choose to. It's a pretty immature way of looking at things though, and honestly if I feel like I need to do that at any stage, the girl is probably not worth my trouble in the first place.

stallion, you shouldn't try and act any differently with this girl if you really like her. as already said, she likes you for your honest personality, so if you try and do anything cute to the effect of "choose me baby, you know i'm the better man" you're going to reiterate a dumb quality that this girl has probably turned down in plenty of dudes before. being attracted to someone and wanting to date someone shouldn't even be a "contest," otherwise you're too focused on winning a girl instead of just genuinely wanting to be with her, and being grateful if that's what happens, considering she's already with a serious boyfriend. plus, would you really want to date a girl just because you were able to win her affections from someone else, rather than her deciding that she would truly be happier with you? what happens when stallion v2.0 comes along and pulls the same shenanigans, and you find yourself the ex- boyfriend because some jackass wanted to swoop in and prove that he was a better catch, probably more to sate his pride rather than actually respect and like this girl? :p

I'm really glad you posted Fishy, I love getting a female perspective on these things! I agree completely. To be honest, I'd probably never say something like "choose me baby, you know I'm the better man" haha. I know that for me personally, if I feel the need to put another guy down that it would reek of insecurity, which is a massive turn off for girls. Not to mention that they'll associate me with negative emotions, which isn't doing me any favours in trying to date someone. I'll generally try and keep things positive and fun so that I'm subconsciously associated with happy emotions. I'd probably reference the positives of what we have or make a joke about our chemistry or her undressing me with her eyes. Something to keep things light and to make being with me fun rather then a chore! You're right about not turning into a contest though, if I start getting competitive I'd become less genuine, less attractive to her and not doing it for the right reasons. Not to mention it makes me sound like those dicks in cliched American movies :P.

In terms of how serious her relationship is with this other guy, that's something I'm kind of curious to learn. As I mentioned above, I'm under the impression that it's ending or about to end based on her recent texts to me. I liked her before I knew about another guy, so I am genuine in my affections and my pursuit. Last time I genuinely liked a girl with a boyfriend though (who's relationship was about to end - or so she said/I thought), I saw her for four months and even though our feelings were very strong for each other it did not turn out well. I ended up getting really jealous of being the other guy and in the end, being with me probably turned out to have too much negative energy around me. I put all my eggs in one basket and wasn't pursuing any other girls, which meant I got too emotionally attached by the end of it. I think what I need to do is keep seeing these other girls and doing what I've been doing, I'm not in a relationship so I shouldn't just drop everything and everyone for a single girl when she's got some stuff to sort through. I'll just keep things fun, light hearted and casual when I do go on dates and see her and enjoy each other's company. Unless such a point arises where I know she's interested in taking things to the next level, it's not worth my time or energy to invest too heavy emotionally :). I do want to see how things play out though!

 

[junior]

hi i just came here to brag that im on my 2nd month anniversary with my boyfriend.

haha yeah.

good luck to everyone else here, what a page.

also doing it dry is kinda cooler but with lube it can be inventive!

edit: mensiversary???

edit2: menoversary??????

you go beb

so i was called a sexual deviant for the first time in my life last night.

I did not want to explore it further because i'm not sure if i wanted to know exactly the reason behind that conclusion, but it has been fucking (heh) with me more than it should. i literally have not been able to stop thinking about it ever since i got home this morning. I just view the term "sexual deviant" in such a negative light that i just cant process this. I have now started to think about all my strangest/most fucked up fantasies i've ever had. this is how bad its fucking with my head

girl, you need to give no fucks about what other people think of you or say about you. Know yourself, know what makes you happy, know who you really belong to (family/closest friends etc) at the end of the day and do whatever you want. People may know your name but I'll bet 99% of them don't even know you so why should their opinions matter right?

don't let people's assumptions or labels stop you from doing what you want or being who you are or whatever.

 

[Ninahaza]

yeah, i guess i just need to look at it from a different angle. its just that when i hear the term "sexual deviant", what comes to mind is on the extreme end of that term. Things like BDSM, pedophilia, bestiality, incest, etc. You get the picture, so that is why it bothered me to no end when i was called a sexual deviant.

oh well, i guess whenever my brain decides to stop being a little too sensitive and just say "fuck it", i'll feel better. although this seems to be more on the end of curiosity then sensitivity right now. just trying to figure out why i was called that

 

[Eo Ut Mortus]

yeah, i guess i just need to look at it from a different angle. its just that when i hear the term "sexual deviant", what comes to mind is on the extreme end of that term. Things like BDSM, pedophilia, bestiality, incest, etc. You get the picture, so that is why it bothered me to no end when i was called a sexual deviant.

It is easy to come up with reasons that characterize the latter three as what Western society would consider extreme sexual deviancy: consent cannot be obtained in the cases of pedophilia and bestiality, and incest carries certain health risks for any child that happens to produced.

But BDSM? You kind of just ranked practitioners of a sexual subculture, one no more illegitimate than any other fetish, on the extreme end of a scale of sexual deviancy. I'm sure there are BDSM enthusiasts who would be as bothered as you are if you called them a sexual deviant.

If I may, I hazard to say that you lack an understanding of this subculture, and that's why you called it extremely deviant behavior; the same reasoning could probably be applied to your situation.