A couple years ago, I suffered from depression too. It was this sort of constant feeling off dullness. Every time something would happen it was just this feeling of "again..." and whenever i thought about anything i had a heavy feeling over my heart. I've heard a lot about how people had trouble getting out of bed, but for, it was mostly trouble going to sleep because I always just wanted to lay in bed wallowing in my misery.
Since I have some time, and I've been thinking about this for the past few days, I feel that I would like to share not my experience with depression, but my experience of overcoming depression and my reflections on it now that it has passed. I'm going to talk about a lot of things, many that you have heard before, but hopefully in ways that make you think about it a little differently.
First up is exactly what happened that made me lose depression. Here's the thing: I don't know exactly what made me lose my depression. It's not a "fine line" where I instantly knew when my depression was over. It's just that over the course of about a year and a half, it just got better. And I didn't know that it actually got better at all until a just recently, when I actually took the time to reflect on it and I realized I wasn't depressed anymore. I didn't realize it until more than a year after it had left me. As I said before, I can't attribute it to anything specifically. I didn't attend amazing therapy sessions, nor did I communicate extensively with anyone, nor did I suddenly find love or relationships (I was in elementary school).
Now, I know many people will not like what I am about to say. I don't even know if I am correct, but this is just what I experienced and how I reflected on it. There is no magical cure to depression. Several times throughout my depression, I set goals for myself and told myself that "if I just achieve this one thing (good grades, new videogame, love, etc.), then I will no longer be depressed." For years I tried to get this, and honestly I actually did achieve them in some part. I went on a purchasing spree and I rose my grades from around a 95 average to 99 average (this was in an elementary school where 97-98 was most common and several people had an average higher than 100%). However, I never reached that feeling I was searching for, the feeling of fullness, as if I had fulfilled something. It wasn't until I stopped looking for ways that the depression finally went away. Essentially, I had forgot that I "needed" to look for something, and in forgetting that I had found exactly what I was looking for all along.
Before I move on, I'd like to recommend a resource that I now find helpful and that I think that many here would find helpful too. That is books on mindsets. Most have heard of the growth and fixed mindsets, but for those that haven't, here's a rundown: There are two mindsets that people often carry in situations where something is being assessed or you are assessing yourself: That is the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. How do you know which one you have? Well, the fixed mindset is characterized by these ideas: "traits are fixed." "You are only a certain amount of intelligent, and it is impossible to get any smarter, even through learning." "You are defined by your results." "If you fail, then that means that you are a failure." The growth mindset is characterized by these ideas: "nearly ever failure is impermanent." "It is possible to get smarter if you keep trying." "You cannot succeed if you do not try." "I am imperfect, but that is why I am learning in the first place." Whichever set of these quotes you agree with more is the one you are generally more geared to right now. There are many resources out there to learn more about these, and to learn how to get a growth mindset. I recommend them. These will not cure your depression by any means, but I believe they will help you at least understand it a bit better.
Now, on to what I really want to talk about: belief. I believe in the power of believing (not to be confused with those who historically used "belief in belief" to justify terrible things). I believe that belief is everywhere. Depression itself is a conglomeration of terrible and horrid beliefs. This is how I make sense of my depression. Depression is characterized by terrible beliefs that have been echoed throughout this thread, that I will not repeat.
You know those times in movies where an adult tells a kid some deep life advice and the kid laughs it off, only to finally understand the advice years later? That's it. That's the moment when the character doesn't just accept the advice that is given to them, but actually starts to believe it internally. They have internalized their belief. This is what I feel happened that started my ascent from depression. Over the course of a very long time, I slowly started to internalize what others said to me. I internalized the advice that the school therapist gave me that one time I visited her, I internalized the advice I saw in my 4th grade PSA about depression, and I internalized the notion that I was not all the things that I once believed I was (referring to the fundamental beliefs about depression). This didn't come to me instantly, and it was only when I reflected on it that I realized that it is what happened. I really can't tell you how I did this; as I said above, there is no magical, instantaneous thing you could do to get rid of depression. Like me, you may not know that it is over with until you forget about it and then reflect on it a long time later. However, I think that I slowly began to understand these things subconsciously and they slowly started to help me.
Now, I live with these ideals (belief, growth mindset) in mind every day. I have internalized them and I believe them deep in my heart. And most of the people reading this will not. I am not a remarkably eloquent writer or anything, and I have only just begun to understand these things. However, if you are to take away one thing from what I am trying to say, it is this: Don't just listen to advice, believe it.
I am on the verge of tears right now. All of this really does mean a lot to me. I apologize if anyone took offense to anything I said or if any bad feelings were generated. I've been wanting to write up something here for a while, and now I finally took the step and did it. I tried my best not to sound like I am trying to preach, because the truth is I really don't know either. I'm still trying to figure out all this, but either way I hope everyone reading this with depression gets better soon. I love each and every one of you and your life really is valuable to me. Thank you and goodbye
Since I have some time, and I've been thinking about this for the past few days, I feel that I would like to share not my experience with depression, but my experience of overcoming depression and my reflections on it now that it has passed. I'm going to talk about a lot of things, many that you have heard before, but hopefully in ways that make you think about it a little differently.
First up is exactly what happened that made me lose depression. Here's the thing: I don't know exactly what made me lose my depression. It's not a "fine line" where I instantly knew when my depression was over. It's just that over the course of about a year and a half, it just got better. And I didn't know that it actually got better at all until a just recently, when I actually took the time to reflect on it and I realized I wasn't depressed anymore. I didn't realize it until more than a year after it had left me. As I said before, I can't attribute it to anything specifically. I didn't attend amazing therapy sessions, nor did I communicate extensively with anyone, nor did I suddenly find love or relationships (I was in elementary school).
Now, I know many people will not like what I am about to say. I don't even know if I am correct, but this is just what I experienced and how I reflected on it. There is no magical cure to depression. Several times throughout my depression, I set goals for myself and told myself that "if I just achieve this one thing (good grades, new videogame, love, etc.), then I will no longer be depressed." For years I tried to get this, and honestly I actually did achieve them in some part. I went on a purchasing spree and I rose my grades from around a 95 average to 99 average (this was in an elementary school where 97-98 was most common and several people had an average higher than 100%). However, I never reached that feeling I was searching for, the feeling of fullness, as if I had fulfilled something. It wasn't until I stopped looking for ways that the depression finally went away. Essentially, I had forgot that I "needed" to look for something, and in forgetting that I had found exactly what I was looking for all along.
Before I move on, I'd like to recommend a resource that I now find helpful and that I think that many here would find helpful too. That is books on mindsets. Most have heard of the growth and fixed mindsets, but for those that haven't, here's a rundown: There are two mindsets that people often carry in situations where something is being assessed or you are assessing yourself: That is the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. How do you know which one you have? Well, the fixed mindset is characterized by these ideas: "traits are fixed." "You are only a certain amount of intelligent, and it is impossible to get any smarter, even through learning." "You are defined by your results." "If you fail, then that means that you are a failure." The growth mindset is characterized by these ideas: "nearly ever failure is impermanent." "It is possible to get smarter if you keep trying." "You cannot succeed if you do not try." "I am imperfect, but that is why I am learning in the first place." Whichever set of these quotes you agree with more is the one you are generally more geared to right now. There are many resources out there to learn more about these, and to learn how to get a growth mindset. I recommend them. These will not cure your depression by any means, but I believe they will help you at least understand it a bit better.
Now, on to what I really want to talk about: belief. I believe in the power of believing (not to be confused with those who historically used "belief in belief" to justify terrible things). I believe that belief is everywhere. Depression itself is a conglomeration of terrible and horrid beliefs. This is how I make sense of my depression. Depression is characterized by terrible beliefs that have been echoed throughout this thread, that I will not repeat.
You know those times in movies where an adult tells a kid some deep life advice and the kid laughs it off, only to finally understand the advice years later? That's it. That's the moment when the character doesn't just accept the advice that is given to them, but actually starts to believe it internally. They have internalized their belief. This is what I feel happened that started my ascent from depression. Over the course of a very long time, I slowly started to internalize what others said to me. I internalized the advice that the school therapist gave me that one time I visited her, I internalized the advice I saw in my 4th grade PSA about depression, and I internalized the notion that I was not all the things that I once believed I was (referring to the fundamental beliefs about depression). This didn't come to me instantly, and it was only when I reflected on it that I realized that it is what happened. I really can't tell you how I did this; as I said above, there is no magical, instantaneous thing you could do to get rid of depression. Like me, you may not know that it is over with until you forget about it and then reflect on it a long time later. However, I think that I slowly began to understand these things subconsciously and they slowly started to help me.
Now, I live with these ideals (belief, growth mindset) in mind every day. I have internalized them and I believe them deep in my heart. And most of the people reading this will not. I am not a remarkably eloquent writer or anything, and I have only just begun to understand these things. However, if you are to take away one thing from what I am trying to say, it is this: Don't just listen to advice, believe it.
I am on the verge of tears right now. All of this really does mean a lot to me. I apologize if anyone took offense to anything I said or if any bad feelings were generated. I've been wanting to write up something here for a while, and now I finally took the step and did it. I tried my best not to sound like I am trying to preach, because the truth is I really don't know either. I'm still trying to figure out all this, but either way I hope everyone reading this with depression gets better soon. I love each and every one of you and your life really is valuable to me. Thank you and goodbye
