Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

Typhlosion4 said:
Hey I’m here again after a long while. I’ve been having a hard time thinking positively of myself I doubt my abilities in everything. Sometimes I feel incapable and not smart enough. I’m just sorely depressed not having much interest in anything anymore, Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. My communication is poor with those close to me and I rather be inside most of the time. I just feel the older I get the worse I feel I used to always see the bright side in things but now I’m just a shadow of that and see the worst. My social anxiety just makes it all the more worse. I just feel incomplete I don’t feel like a man I just feel weak and vulnerable (that’s what my mind tells me) honestly I feel I’m failing at this life shit ngl. I recently returned to college after a year break and I’m wondering how I’m gonna get through (me once again doubting my intelligence). Idk I just hope I can overcome this battle in my mind and achieve my goals but rn it just feels far fetched. Thanks for listening to my vent.
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i’ve recently come to peace with the fact that i’m honestly not that smart generally, and i really think being comfortable with your flaws goes a long way in self acceptance. obviously don’t wallow in self pity but it’s important to understand that personal flaws really aren’t the end all. we all got em
 
I had sleep paralysis and horrifying, vivid nightmares in the last few months and it genuinely gives me fear of sleeping. Every time I get paralysis, I get the worst panic attacks and feel like I will die. When I get nightmares, I sometimes just can't function when awake because of how much pressure these dreams put on me

I am currently not home and sleep over in a tiny tiny apartment, even smaller than my 30sqm home. Something about this place makes this fear so much worse

I'll try to learn moving my toes or my pinky when I get paralysed so I get off from it, but it will take time I fear.

Of all phobias to have, this really is an unfortunate one...
 
Azure said:
pretty much nothing has gotten better at all for me since this post. I still just wish I was gone. I genuinely, honestly wish I could just not wake up tomorrow. I feel like there's absolutely nothing good left for me in this life. I can't contribute anything meaningful whatsoever to the world, and I can't even enjoy my own stupid pointless free time. I'm such a fucking moron man. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing anymore. I don't think I can do this anymore.
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Hey man. It's been awhile since we last spoke. I looked you up so we can catch up but it lead me to this post. Ik it's a bit late but I'm sorry that feel this way about yourself, cause the way you feel about yourself is not how I view you as a person. You've always been a kind hearted person with alot of ambition. There were times I do recall you doubting yourself, but everytime you did, you proved yourself wrong and ascended greater heights. Conquering every doubt you had about yourself and showing just how of an amazing person you are. I hope you're in a better mental space since your last post. If you ever want to reach out to catch up or just talk, my discord is Captain Funk#3230. Wishing the best for you man.
 
Typhlosion4 said:
Hey I’m here again after a long while. I’ve been having a hard time thinking positively of myself I doubt my abilities in everything. Sometimes I feel incapable and not smart enough. I’m just sorely depressed not having much interest in anything anymore, Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. My communication is poor with those close to me and I rather be inside most of the time. I just feel the older I get the worse I feel I used to always see the bright side in things but now I’m just a shadow of that and see the worst. My social anxiety just makes it all the more worse. I just feel incomplete I don’t feel like a man I just feel weak and vulnerable (that’s what my mind tells me) honestly I feel I’m failing at this life shit ngl. I recently returned to college after a year break and I’m wondering how I’m gonna get through (me once again doubting my intelligence). Idk I just hope I can overcome this battle in my mind and achieve my goals but rn it just feels far fetched. Thanks for listening to my vent.
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It's been a while but I wanted to say that I feel like life is about enjoying every moment. Social anxiety is something I personally have struggled a lot with and still find it hard to overcome to this day; but it's not something I feel is embarrassing to have. I also wanted to say that our flaws are what makes us human. Humans are basically statues that are carved through stone. If everyone was perfect in everything they did, then the statue would not be carved at all, and we'd all just be blocks of stone without any versatility. For example, someone who doesn't have social anxiety may struggle in other aspects in their life, and that's completely okay. I wouldn't worry about feeling like "a man" either, because I honestly think society has unhealthy gender norms and that the standards can be largely contradictory to just being happy in doing what you'd like. Toxic masculinity is a thing, and it's very disgusting. As for the flaws, the people who make fun of others for being imperfect are the ones who should be shamed. The best thing is knowing you are not perfect and accept yourself like you are while focusing on self improvement in the future. I don't really think there's any other way to live life other than this; it's essentially just a huge journey of learning and experiencing.

This piece of advice is also probably something you've heard before but I would try to focus on the little things. This world is beautiful; admiring what it provides for you while taking pride in being alive will slowly help you become happier little by little. At the same time, try to give yourself grace and credit for all that you are and encourage yourself like you would to a close friend or as a guardian. For example, I don't know you in real life but on here, you seem like a good guy with a sense of empathy from the posts which I've seen you make. Empathy itself is not something to be looked down on either- personally I feel like it's one of the best traits someone can have and can get you far in life. Being emotionally intelligent is still being intelligent. Good people attract good people, and enjoying life with others that can support you is the best way to live it. Look at it as making yourself better than you already are instead of "getting onto the level of other people", because attitude is everything while everyone takes life at their own pace. Try to take gratitude for what's there instead of focusing on what isn't.

For college, I have a lot of friends in their 30s still attending community college to figure out a career path and living a happy life. You're still young too, so you've got lots of time :D.

I'm sorry if this advice wasn't helpful, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and you're always free to dm me on Discord too. I would also recommend finding a therapist or a life coach as something along the lines to help you with direction, but you got this either way :). Hope you've been doing better from the last time you posted in this thread :heart:
 
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mushamu said:
It's been a while but I wanted to say that I feel like life is about enjoying every moment. Social anxiety is something I personally have struggled a lot with and still find it hard to overcome to this day; but it's not something I feel is embarrassing to have. I also wanted to say that our flaws are what makes us human. Humans are basically statues that are carved through stone. If everyone was perfect in everything they did, then the statue would not be carved at all, and we'd all just be blocks of stone without any versatility. For example, someone who doesn't have social anxiety may struggle in other aspects in their life, and that's completely okay. I wouldn't worry about feeling like "a man" either, because I honestly think society has unhealthy gender norms and that the standards can be largely contradictory to just being happy in doing what you'd like. Toxic masculinity is a thing, and it's very disgusting. As for the flaws, the people who make fun of others for being imperfect are the ones who should be shamed. The best thing is knowing you are not perfect and accept yourself like you are while focusing on self improvement in the future. I don't really think there's any other way to live life other than this; it's essentially just a huge journey of learning and experiencing.

This piece of advice is also probably something you've heard before but I would try to focus on the little things. This world is beautiful; admiring what it provides for you while taking pride in being alive will slowly help you become happier little by little. At the same time, try to give yourself grace and credit for all that you are and encourage yourself like you would to a close friend or as a guardian. For example, I don't know you in real life but on here, you seem like a good guy with a sense of empathy from the posts which I've seen you make. Empathy itself is not something to be looked down on either- personally I feel like it's one of the best traits someone can have and can get you far in life. Being emotionally intelligent is still being intelligent. Good people attract good people, and enjoying life with others that can support you is the best way to live it. Look at it as making yourself better than you already are instead of "getting onto the level of other people", because attitude is everything while everyone takes life at their own pace. Try to take gratitude for what's there instead of focusing on what isn't.

For college, I have a lot of friends in their 30s still attending community college to figure out a career path and living a happy life. You're still young too, so you've got lots of time :D.

I'm sorry if this advice wasn't helpful, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and you're always free to dm me on Discord too. I would also recommend finding a therapist or a life coach as something along the lines to help you with direction, but you got this either way :). Hope you've been doing better from the last time you posted in this thread :heart:
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Thanks a lot for the advice I’ll keep it in mind moving forward. Thank you!:heart:
 
earl said:
i’ve recently come to peace with the fact that i’m honestly not that smart generally, and i really think being comfortable with your flaws goes a long way in self acceptance. obviously don’t wallow in self pity but it’s important to understand that personal flaws really aren’t the end all. we all got em
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Hey I remember having read your post when it was new and I didn't think much of it, but I just had a line of thought that actually brought me back to this

I always try to be the big strong man that faced adversity and came stronger out of it, but my fears, insecurities and mental scars have always remained. I somehow assumed that I will confront them somehow or portray them in a way that fits to this big strong man image I want to upkeep, but I just came to the conclusion that these things will stay with me in some way, no matter how much I confront them, and that I can only do the best of it

Recently I was genuinely scared of sleeping because I had sleep paralysis, nightmares and panic attacks in my sleep and it just made me feel so vulnerable, sitting on the corner of my bed, with my face in my hands, just scared of something that others do every single night without any issues. It clashed with how I want to see myself and how I want to portray myself, but by accepting these fears and seeing that they're valid, I just feel free in a way. Like unconstrained by the expectations I set up for myself

Maybe I am the big strong man for some people but I shouldn't care about this. I am who I am and whilst I want to be the best I can be, I don't want to constrain myself to some image or perception that's ultimately just making my life harder and my mental health worse. What I am trying to say, I think your post is just what I needed to hear, I just didn't listen to it until I came to the same conclusion in a roundabout way
 
I realized this recently and I'm posting it here so I can work on it over the next few months.
I've pretty much realized that I'm still not done fighting my trauma and putting it to rest even though I thought I did a few months ago. It resurfaced as developing relationship OCD recently which I'm currently still trying to get checked out, and I think it's because for the first time in my life, being in a healthy relationship with no drama is really confusing. I've also realized that I'm a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree and that's impacted a lot of how I behave and how I'm constantly dissatisfied with the aspects of my life, and how sometimes I'm too paralyzed by perfectionism to take action about things.

It kinda sucks because I thought I put all 18 years of trauma to rest a few months back when I started my second year of college, but these past few months have shown me I'm not done yet. I recently entered my first relationship and she's extremely sweet while we relate to each other in a lot of different ways despite being different people. She's definitely someone I can see myself having a future with, but it's just that it feels like my mind wants to find something wrong with the relationship to excuse to break it off even though I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. It's probably because I'm not used to having an intimate relationship that is basically entirely healthy, and I guess it's something emotional abuse did to me in my childhood. I've pretty much exhausted every possibility about the relationship being wrong, but it feels like my mind is searching for something thats bad about the relationship even though I want to keep it and I love her. I'm going to enter therapy to work on it soon because I want to draw boundaries for my trauma, especially so it doesn't ruin my relationship. It sucks because I imagine myself breaking up with her and it brings me to tears, but at the same time I really don't want to.

I also realized that trauma was the reason I was dissociating a few months ago as well. It felt like I was watching my life from a movie, and I was completely numb to basically all emotion. The thing about trauma that's scary is that it feels like sometimes it's eating me from the inside, sometimes it feels like I've beaten it, and sometimes it feels like it's already consumed me. Sometimes it's hard to determine what's real and what's not in terms of my emotions and honestly it drives me insane because I'm constantly overthinking and gaslighting myself as defense mechanisms. It feels like I'm constantly on the brink of insanity and it has almost driven me to almost take my own life in the past but it is what it is.

I've decided that I'm going to work on healing big time now. I'm not going to let my trauma take my life away from me. I'm not going to let it eat me out from the inside anymore. I'm going to take back what originally belonged to me but I never got to have: the chance to live life instead of simply surviving. And once it's all over, I wish I can someday marry her because she's someone I want by my side at all times.
I'm not done fighting my battle with emotional abuse and I'm going to hold onto what's mine: my life, my relationship, my mind, everything. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to get over my trauma and live my life. I have to stop letting it drive my life, I have to give it the passengers seat, the backseat, and then throw it out of the car completely. My life is mine.
 
mushamu said:
I realized this recently and I'm posting it here so I can work on it over the next few months.
I've pretty much realized that I'm still not done fighting my trauma and putting it to rest even though I thought I did a few months ago. It resurfaced as developing relationship OCD recently which I'm currently still trying to get checked out, and I think it's because for the first time in my life, being in a healthy relationship with no drama is really confusing. I've also realized that I'm a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree and that's impacted a lot of how I behave and how I'm constantly dissatisfied with the aspects of my life, and how sometimes I'm too paralyzed by perfectionism to take action about things.

It kinda sucks because I thought I put all 18 years of trauma to rest a few months back when I started my second year of college, but these past few months have shown me I'm not done yet. I recently entered my first relationship and she's extremely sweet while we relate to each other in a lot of different ways despite being different people. She's definitely someone I can see myself having a future with, but it's just that it feels like my mind wants to find something wrong with the relationship to excuse to break it off even though I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. It's probably because I'm not used to having an intimate relationship that is basically entirely healthy, and I guess it's something emotional abuse did to me in my childhood. I've pretty much exhausted every possibility about the relationship being wrong, but it feels like my mind is searching for something thats bad about the relationship even though I want to keep it and I love her. I'm going to enter therapy to work on it soon because I want to draw boundaries for my trauma, especially so it doesn't ruin my relationship. It sucks because I imagine myself breaking up with her and it brings me to tears, but at the same time I really don't want to.

I also realized that trauma was the reason I was dissociating a few months ago as well. It felt like I was watching my life from a movie, and I was completely numb to basically all emotion. The thing about trauma that's scary is that it feels like sometimes it's eating me from the inside, sometimes it feels like I've beaten it, and sometimes it feels like it's already consumed me. Sometimes it's hard to determine what's real and what's not in terms of my emotions and honestly it drives me insane because I'm constantly overthinking and gaslighting myself as defense mechanisms. It feels like I'm constantly on the brink of insanity and it has almost driven me to almost take my own life in the past but it is what it is.

I've decided that I'm going to work on healing big time now. I'm not going to let my trauma take my life away from me. I'm not going to let it eat me out from the inside anymore. I'm going to take back what originally belonged to me but I never got to have: the chance to live life instead of simply surviving. And once it's all over, I wish I can someday marry her because she's someone I want by my side at all times.
I'm not done fighting my battle with emotional abuse and I'm going to hold onto what's mine: my life, my relationship, my mind, everything. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to get over my trauma and live my life. I have to stop letting it drive my life, I have to give it the passengers seat, the backseat, and then throw it out of the car completely. My life is mine.
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hey fam, this is a nice post-- a lot of good introspective stuff here. if you would care for my own 2 cents feel free to read:

So a lot of this is going to be informed by my own experiences. And while those of mine appear to be quite different from yours I've found myself thinking similar thoughts re: "I've finally gotten over it/I'm finally gonna beat it". And respectively, I don't think that's something that's possible. Not in a you can't do it kind of way but in what i would consider an incorrect model of trauma kind of way.

I think its helpful to think of what trauma actually is-- a defense mechanism. I'd argue trauma is a voice that is deeply concerned about your physical safety and cares very passionately about your wellbeing, but its not particularly adept at reading context. To use the car analogy its like having someone in the passengers seat thats constantly fretting over every sudden change of speed, being too close to the curb, making sure youre aware of that pedestrian that you'd have to go well out of your way to collide with. Trauma is informed by the most painful of your experiences. If you've played celeste you probably know where im going with this, and frankly i dont have too much to add onto it. Trying to distance yourself completely from trauma is, imo, both a fruitless exercise and potentially harmful. Saying trauma is/can be beneficial is obviously weird and possibly tone deaf here but I think one of the ways humans gain understanding and form connections is through pain. My own insecurities and awful experiences have made it possible for me to understand how other people may feel, and also connect with them.

To keep this from going totally in the weeds, my recommendation is try to be kind to your trauma. Take a moment to listen to it, what it's concerned about, and help it understand that youre not aiming to drive it and yourself into a ditch. Help it understand that youre trying to live a happy life for both of you. Trauma imo is not a presence that is trying to harm you, just keep you safe. Obviously what trauma has in mind for being safe tends not to be aligned with being happy.

And one final note-- I'm not 100% certain the "never going to get over this" thing may be completely applicable for you. for me its informed by autism and still not being totally accepting of it even three years after the diagnosis. But I've found trying to fight it basically just means I'm spending all my energy fighting myself.
 
mushamu said:
I realized this recently and I'm posting it here so I can work on it over the next few months.
I've pretty much realized that I'm still not done fighting my trauma and putting it to rest even though I thought I did a few months ago. It resurfaced as developing relationship OCD recently which I'm currently still trying to get checked out, and I think it's because for the first time in my life, being in a healthy relationship with no drama is really confusing. I've also realized that I'm a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree and that's impacted a lot of how I behave and how I'm constantly dissatisfied with the aspects of my life, and how sometimes I'm too paralyzed by perfectionism to take action about things.

It kinda sucks because I thought I put all 18 years of trauma to rest a few months back when I started my second year of college, but these past few months have shown me I'm not done yet. I recently entered my first relationship and she's extremely sweet while we relate to each other in a lot of different ways despite being different people. She's definitely someone I can see myself having a future with, but it's just that it feels like my mind wants to find something wrong with the relationship to excuse to break it off even though I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. It's probably because I'm not used to having an intimate relationship that is basically entirely healthy, and I guess it's something emotional abuse did to me in my childhood. I've pretty much exhausted every possibility about the relationship being wrong, but it feels like my mind is searching for something thats bad about the relationship even though I want to keep it and I love her. I'm going to enter therapy to work on it soon because I want to draw boundaries for my trauma, especially so it doesn't ruin my relationship. It sucks because I imagine myself breaking up with her and it brings me to tears, but at the same time I really don't want to.

I also realized that trauma was the reason I was dissociating a few months ago as well. It felt like I was watching my life from a movie, and I was completely numb to basically all emotion. The thing about trauma that's scary is that it feels like sometimes it's eating me from the inside, sometimes it feels like I've beaten it, and sometimes it feels like it's already consumed me. Sometimes it's hard to determine what's real and what's not in terms of my emotions and honestly it drives me insane because I'm constantly overthinking and gaslighting myself as defense mechanisms. It feels like I'm constantly on the brink of insanity and it has almost driven me to almost take my own life in the past but it is what it is.

I've decided that I'm going to work on healing big time now. I'm not going to let my trauma take my life away from me. I'm not going to let it eat me out from the inside anymore. I'm going to take back what originally belonged to me but I never got to have: the chance to live life instead of simply surviving. And once it's all over, I wish I can someday marry her because she's someone I want by my side at all times.
I'm not done fighting my battle with emotional abuse and I'm going to hold onto what's mine: my life, my relationship, my mind, everything. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to get over my trauma and live my life. I have to stop letting it drive my life, I have to give it the passengers seat, the backseat, and then throw it out of the car completely. My life is mine.
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Keep thinking positive like your are currently doing. Slowly but surely you will overcome that trauma. Best of luck bro.
 
This thread is a rough read.

Hey guys, get therapy if you can, and don't give up if your first experience is unproductive; there are many mediocre therapists, or you might just be incompatible. Never hesitate to change therapist if you're not making progress.

If you don't have access to therapy or can't afford it, talk to someone, anyone, and if you have nobody in your life to talk to, call the Samaritans or similar.

Typing your situation online is a good start, but speaking out loud encourages the formation and processing of thoughts, especially in the presence of a capable listener who can gently nudge you towards a logical/rational conclusion and/or an achievable solution.

Life is hard regardless of whatever privilege that you lucked into. Your problems are valid and the struggle is (unironically) real, because there's no walkthrough to follow for your unique version of hard mode. Go talk to someone.
 
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I’m going to keep this brief since I don’t want to sound like I’m just asking for attention. Recently, an issue I’ve been dealing with that initially appeared as a rather simple problem I had with the Internet has actually revealed itself as a matter of mental wellness. I’ll spare you the details, but pretty much what’s happening is that I’ve been gradually trying to get away from something I’ve enjoyed for a long time now, but I don’t want to go about the process in an unhealthy or unethical manner.

In another thread where I’ve talked about this before, I made a comment at some point that must have sounded much more worrying than I meant for it to. That’s when I realized that I could potentially be dealing with something along the lines of an addiction. It’s really hard to say, though. I’ve been ignoring that topic for weeks now and I’ve felt perfectly fine, whereas in most addiction cases we’d see the client going through withdrawal symptoms by this point.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I don’t know how to go about this, and I don’t want to hurt my own or anyone else’s mental wellness more than I fear I already have.

Edit: Shortly after I wrote this, I suddenly had this onset feeling of… calm, I guess you could call it. Is that a good or a bad thing?
 
Not a thing of mental health exactly but I don't know where to put it else

I am so unbelievably drained from just regular life recently. I come back from work tired. I come back from school tired. I fall asleep in the middle of the day as soon as I sit or lay down somewhere. It's making a lot of things very hard, I am often even too tired to cook and eat food

I think these last couple of years of burning the candle on both ends are catching up to me. Working and studying whilst pursuing a number of hobbies and an active social life was possible for a few years but now, couple of months before I finish university, I am just so done

My social life also suffers from it. I barely saw my friends this year so far. I am very extroverted and kinda need a lot of contact with people, genuinely bums me out when I don't see friends for two weeks in a row

At least Easter break is close...
 
Okay so, I won't explain too much, but my family decided that they are so tired of each other that they literally will never talk to each other again, and I'm gonna be the intermediary between them, because they are too hurt due to the mental and physical abuse that the other has given and receive

I officially don't have a family anymore, I'm just taking care of a couple of salty whiny immature crybaby insufferable bitchy shitty cunts who have too much of an ego to get a proper agreement

Make no mistake, I'm also a monster, but I'm not aggressive, and I'm smarter than this, this is going to sound horrible, but its the truth, at the end of the day, I'm going to watch them all die with my own eyes, and I'll be the one who gets to buried them at the end of the day. This was a long time coming, I'm gonna endure it, I'm gonna continue fighting, I'm gonna keep living until I'm the only one in this wasteland of no future, ill be alive, ill be alone, and ill be free of everyone who wants to put me in their bullshit. And then I'll finally be able to live my own life, where MY decisions matter, where I don't have to care for people for who does this amount of collateral damage, where ill go to seek the help I need and be able to prioritize ME first.

I'm not killing myself, If somebody wants me dead, come and get me, bitch, bring your shitty booster energy Iron Valiant set, I'll smack you so hard we are gonna die, you from the hit, and me from the explosion
 
Local Dog said:
Decided to end my relationship to two "friends" today after having ignored me for months on end. It hurts and I feel a mix between melancholy and anger, but it was for the better
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Okay you know what, I kinda lied. I didn't "end it" per se, it's a bit difficult

See, I haven't seen these two since end of last year. One of them I haven't heard from in several months, last thing I read from her was her wishing me a happy new year. Another I have been a little more in contact but haven't heard from for a month and haven't gotten regular messages in a very long time. This is usually no problem for me but I tried to contact them early this year, when I had a great deal of somniphobia due to struggles with nightmares and sleep paralyses. I didn't say anything however about "hey I don't feel good, I would like to talk", more something like"hey how ya doing" for a couple of days. They didn't answer and there was no problem with that when I look at it neutrally. I wouldn't have answered immediately either if I was busy with other things and the other person didn't say that they didn't feel good

Anyways, I study with these two at the same uni and ran into them once. It was all smiles and we did some chitchat. I ran into one of these two couple of days ago at a train station, we were both on our way to work (I assume), so we couldn't talk, but we smiled and greeted each other in passing. Last week I had two cinema tickets I couldn't use myself, called one of these two, the other was with her and we again had a nice chat. So from that perspective, nothing is wrong, right?

But I haven't gotten a text back for so long. One of the two had her birthday two weeks ago, I sent her my regards and nothing came back. So I tried to call her the last few days and didn't hear back, except for one time when she tried to call me back but I couldn't go on the phone

Yesterday, I had a mental health crisis. Still kinda do. I am still shaking a lot and feel just fucked up. Had a fucked up day at work. Tried to call her again and nothing. So I texted her whether she ever wants to see me again. Couple of hours later, she told me it wasn't fair from her to not contact me back, but that I suffocate her with my messages. I apologized, told her I am going through some shit and can't think rationally. She told me she's sorry to hear that. I told her I don't want her worry about me and she should focus on herself, that I won't text her and she can contact me if she ever wants to see me again. That was yesterday evening. Haven't heard from her since then

I am so fucking afraid of losing the people I love that I start to suffocate them often. I am like my mother in this regard. I don't know where the fuck I stand now and the thought of never seeing them again fucks me up. Especially when I think about how it was my own fault. I want to sit down with them and just clear the table but I don't know if they ever want to do this. I guess I will run into them some day again at uni and maybe I can talk with them or something but I don't know if they want to

We've been really good with each other. This is the first time we ever had any kind of conflict. Again, I don't know where I stand, I don't know if they ever want to see me again, I don't know if we're still friend, I don't know if we've ever been
 
Something pretty significant’s come up where I’m from that not a lot of people seem to be talking about. People living in the United States may be aware of the fact we’re in high gear for severe weather season now, and while that in and of itself is perfectly normal, what’s not normal is the incredible amount of fear mongering taking place across the industry as of late.

I’m writing this post two days before my area could get some major severe weather, even if not as major as some of the States may see tomorrow, and while meteorology’s been a rising interest of mine for about a year now, this is easily the worst I’ve ever seen this get to. In just the past 24 hours alone, the Internet has introduced me to conspiracy theory about something called HAARP, whatever the heck that is, and multiple genuinely obvious storms that went unwarned that went on to produce tornadoes.

For reference, this country alone has already passed 50 tornadic casualties in 2023 as of March 31st and potentially up to four digits worth of injured survivors come the first week of April. And what has “Weather YouTube” done about it? From what I can tell… absolutely nothing!

I get there’s only so much they can do sometimes, but it would certainly help if they tried to focus on the positive parts of 2023 for more than two minutes at a time. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if some wackos over at the NWS or the SPC were contributing to the problem by not warning various storms and causing both online views and real-life injuries to increase. Americans do weird stuff like this all the time to meet their quotas, if traffic officers are anything to go off of.

So in short, I think what I’m trying to say here, is that the Internet’s found a way to make me afraid of the weather, and if I never post on Smogon again after this because of a freaking tornado or something… well, now you know why. My prayers go out to those who have been physically and mentally affected by weather events… but whatever’s causing all this extra fear this year, it really needs to stop.
 
ragmatho said:
I feel like I have to post something here, although I don't have depression myself, I did have problems throughout my life that need to be addressed.

1. I don't go outside ever.
This one has been with me throughout my life and it still is, I do have the strength to do normal activities, like make myself food, have showers, brush my teeth, etc. However, when it come to outdoor activities I can never have the strength to do so, sure i go outside in my backyard occasionally just to get a bit of sunlight, but when it comes to walking, going somewhere, or even just hanging out with friends it can be a real struggle to me, I only go outside when I actually need to go out and about like going to shops, school, etc, and speaking of the aforementioned "hanging out with friends".

2. Having lack of friends.
This kinda has two parts, 1. Is that having no friends is okay, and 2. is the other way around, the trouble I had with friends at school, is that they always gave me "unnecessary attention" and I really wouldn't consider them my friend friends, them giving me unnecessary attention made me feel at bit uncomfortable as well as making me think they were bullying me, this is why I only stick to other friends that won't do that, and can actually talk about topics I like, when I left school (because it wasn't for me) I left my school friends behind as well, it's been almost 9 months since i left school, and it's been the same time when i haven't talked to anyone from my school (except for a few) now when it came to friends outside of school, yeah had no luck with that either, this is where the 2 parts come in, because atm i have thoughts between the 2 whether having no friends is a sigh of relief because they won't bother me anymore, and another part of me is like "You need friends" i still keep having thoughts about this.

3. Asperger syndrome
This is a personal one of mine and haven't really told anyone about this ever because for me i didn't know about this until this year, because this year my mum has been planning me to go and see a psychologist, before this I have been seeing a different psychologist, however this one was different as what I say to them don't get said back to my mum and is kept a secret (I'm still not sure about that) anyways, during the first, or second session we had my Psychologist told me that i had something about autism, when i first heard this i was pretty shocked, and then my psychologist proceed to ask be if I've been told i have it, i obviously respond with "no", the same day, i went home did a bit of research on it and then i was like "damn, I guess I do have it" now i don't recall which one it was but i do believe it was asperger syndrome as none of the other austim syndromes fitted me as a person, i still haven't told my mum about this and i honestly should one day, but then again i didn't know about this until this year, so i'm still not sure.

4. My smogon account.
This isn't really a problem but something i want to mention, I've only recently started getting back into the competitive pokemon scene and yeah I do miss it, however I don't miss what I did before I returned, some few people will probably recall me in 2017-18, back then I wasn't the brightest person as I said some downright stupid things that I wish I didn't say before returning here, although there were some good things, most of it were not really thoughtful of me, you can go back now on my profile and check it for yourself, returning as a different person overall, I just regret it and i feel like an idiot, i wanted to make a new account and start over but you all know how that goes, so basically i'm stuck here with this account, and although you can't change the past, you can always improve the future, that's what I'm gonna be striving for at the moment.

That's basically all the problems I have right now, i know it isn't a lot and and i know it's not really about depression, but like i said i wanted to address things that have been a problem with me, i'm not suicidal or anything like that and i think that my life right now it alright, It's just those main things that bother me personally and maybe can be helped upon.


Thank you for reading. -and thanks for coming to my TED talk
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Hey all, i kinda want to follow up on this, mostly just an update on how things are going for me, although i don't use this site at all anymore (except for checking up on it once or twice a year) i still want to say something here on where i am right now

Honestly things have turned for the better for me ever since i have posted this, I got myself a job, i've gotten some new friends who are around my age (mostly my co-workers), and i'm feeling better overall knowing i don't have to worry about stuff like that anymore.

Right now i feel like i don't have any problems, but this obviously doesn't mean i'll be coming back here more often, again i did mess up on this site saying some stuff that i should have not said and whatnot back when i should've known better, but all and all everything in real life has taken a step in the right direction for me mentally.

This is probably gonna be my last post here on this site but i may post here again in a year or 2 just for another check-up.

And i also may show up a few times every now and then in the next few days depending on what you guys want to say to me.

Cheers everyone!

Edit: Okay i did have a think about it for the past 24 hours and i've decided i'll mostly be returning to use this site more often as well as pokemon showdown, this is mostly because i want to improve, want to forget about past me and start fresh, and maybe meet new people along the way :)
 
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I once heard from a man in his 80s that you can rely on yourself in your youth, but you will need others to support you emotionally as you age. I am only in my early 20s and I already relate with this, oddly enough

I didn't really have a yearning for emotional support from the people around me in my teens, but in the last of couple of years, I became so reliant on my friends psychologically. I am going to graduate in less than two months, the transition scares me and I never felt more emotionally needy. It's odd, really
 
Okay so, Mother's Day is here (or near, its been more than 10 years since the last time I have actually celebrated Mother's Day and 4 since the last time I have celebrated a family related day)
I would make a big ass post of this, but I'm on a time constrict

If you have a family, not just a mother, and they are not scum to the point of no return, try to give them some love, try to spend good memories with them, try to have the happy family many of us don't have

If your family is shit, then fuck them, make a better one
 
Candelia said:
am I allowed to say here that I might've found a potential cure to my possible depression?

that being i've finally found someone that I can spend my life with if it doesn't go wrong
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Congrats bro, you escaped the rat race, hope everything goes your way
 
Candelia said:
I hope it does to; I was genuinely afraid of romance until now
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Let me guess, you didnt even knew what was feeling cuddled or feeling loved, im still trying to find an answer, needless to say, being uglier than a sin does not help lmao
 
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