Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

[Local Dog]

I personally believe that what is fair and what isn't is relative to the person looking at it

I was born with an alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother who were both in a shitty economic situation, didn't have the greatest childhood and struggle with a lot of mental health issues. However, I have the physical health of a bull, never struggled academically and gained many friends in the last few years. In a way, I was very privileged. Someone who might've struggled with these things might look at me and think that life was unfair to them

We lack context on the people we meet and see and will always have a very biased view on what is fair and what isn't, especially when we compare ourselves in matters. Surely someone who was born in some noble house in Europe will be better off than someone born disabled in a third world country, and that is one of these cases were you can see that things aren't fair, but in most cases, it's blurry and hard to determine

At the end I don't think you'll ever have a real and unbiased view on what fairness is, and when you try to get one, you'll end up always comparing yourselves to those that seem better off than you. It will just frustrate you and you don't gain anything from it

 

[Briewear]

I've been too scared/embarrassed to post here in the past, but it's gotten to the point where I feel I have no choice. I'm sure most people here don't know and/or don't care about me, but I've been Global Voice and in a few staff positions on Pokémon Showdown! for quite a few months now, and well... I'm getting to the point where I don't think I deserve any of the positions one bit. I feel like I'm failing in every aspect regardless of what I've been told. I'm constantly convincing myself that what I'm thinking is the correct thing to do isn't the correct thing, even something that I think might be helpful/useful I just shut down really. This probably sounds like a load of rubbish so I'll just end it here.
Sorry for anyone who reads this.

 

[bdt2002]

I've been too scared/embarrassed to post here in the past, but it's gotten to the point where I feel I have no choice. I'm sure most people here don't know and/or don't care about me, but I've been Global Voice and in a few staff positions on Pokémon Showdown! for quite a few months now, and well... I'm getting to the point where I don't think I deserve any of the positions one bit. I feel like I'm failing in every aspect regardless of what I've been told. I'm constantly convincing myself that what I'm thinking is the correct thing to do isn't the correct thing, even something that I think might be helpful/useful I just shut down really. This probably sounds like a load of rubbish so I'll just end it here.
Sorry for anyone who reads this.

There's no need to apologize. I was about to make a post of my own about something similar, but this lets me tackle two birds with one stone, so to speak. This sounds like a classic situation of or related to a guilt complex, something that develops within a person when he or she feels adverse reactions/emotions towards his or her actions. The best first step I could recommend to you is to try and take a look at what exactly it is in these staff positions that gives you these guilt-like feelings. This is an issue I find myself dealing with all the time, as someone who has a lot of things he wants to say but is generally afraid to do so for a number of reasons. My best guess is that you've started to feel this way following some sort of negative experience within a staff member/Global Voice position, and it made you wonder if your response/reaction at the time was quote "correct".

Now onto my own post that I would normally make its own post but I'm going to include here in an effort to avoid double posting. I just got done with my weekly counseling appointment about ten minutes ago and during our meeting, my counselor brought up something really interesting. I mentioned to her that I hadn't been feeling very well for a few days this past week, and how this onset of sickness came immediately after a very stressful sequence of events during the middle of the week on Tuesday and Wednesday. She suggested that due to the connections between the mind and the body, my immune system was acting up because of the negative experience I had prior. Among other things, what started as me figuratively losing my voice later manifested as a physical symptom as early as Thursday morning that last all the way until yesterday. Simply put, I was wondering if anyone had any more insight on this theory.

 

[Sirin.C]

Hi there, although it seems strange for us to talking here, but My English writing exams screwed up I believe we could get a better understanding through reading&thinking a language with some distance in our first sight.

To begin with, I was very confused and did not know what to do during my time at school. I messed up in two exams and was far from my goal. Sometimes I feel that my efforts have not been rewarded, and sometimes I advise myself not to worry, because what should come will always come. But seeing people who work less achieve more, it always makes me feel the world is uneven. What's more, I don't know the direction and goal of my efforts. I can hardly imagine what career I will be in the future and what people i will be. Death in fantasy is probably my best destination.

There’s Sth that we can’t deny that the subjects does not make a big influence on what we’ll gonna do (if we are not interested in basic knowledge exploring).The scores doesn’t define everything.No matter how perfectly others do it,just find your progresses each time and focus on avoiding the mistakes next time.What matters is the things we really love and good at,for instance, I really appreciate your poems which is thought provoking. Every being has its value to exist.Give the world a chance be fore u give up to represent the best view of this world and self. envies recovery and ability to sweep,while always wanna survive special attacks which can tank.

We lack context on the people we meet and see and will always have a very biased view on what is fair and what isn't, especially when we compare ourselves in matters.

It is true that every success comes with sacrifices.Without the damage calculator defense investment, cannot dance safely among some attackers while lost some instant damage.We see others doin well and actin well,but they might be working much harder behind schools.Even not,it’s also a nice thing to study from them,take their advantages to improve self.Their success doesn’t come from nothing.A much effective learning method or a useful notebook may be the key to your improvement.When observing others, try analyze the inner effects but not conclude in “He is just born better than me”.Focus on the facts rather than the event itself may make you better.

On the other hand, Even though I have become so-called friends with many people, I am always alone. I regard myself as a lonely person, eager for true friendship. It's a pity that I always distinguish what I say from who he is. Sometimes people think I am their friend, but i can calk to no one when I am depressed. Or sometimes they just use myself as a tool to do something such as make themselves happy or get some goals, i guess. Few people come to me to talk, my initiative.

Making friends takes much time,but if u wanna someone to talk with,we guys,and PS China are always there.
People has their own comfort zones,especially entering a new period of schooling life.My senior1 remained at the same school,but classmates totally changed to another bunch of students coming from another same school.Yep,I’m the isolated person in my OWN school.But once I put effort in knowing others deeply,some of them know my characteristics and allows me to join their social zone.It takes time,but it’s worth it.
Others take pleasure from someone else’s pain,it’s common that it happens everywhere.Just avoid meeting those people,or using clear disagreements to express your uncomfort.If crucial,use the law(school rules) to guar your rights properly.
However,it is worth notice that a true friend is so valuable that it might sustain for a lifelong.U just need time to meet the one desired,just as and

What I do now is to empty my mind and immerse myself in it, lol. English and mood are very poor, so there may be many mistakes in these words.

​

​

Empty your mind thouroughly,but not immerse in anything would help.Non-senior high semesters still have a dozen of activities for u to join.Make your best effort in it,and try to make yourself shine.I believe it can make your social environment better.
P.S.There’s a strange belief in me:Moods are just hormones tricking around our heads.We can all control it if we wanna to,and paid our effort.
Not a good lecturer,but I sincerely hope this could help.

 

[Sirin.C]

Also,here’s a little strat maybe could make things better.

How to deal with the Mood?
Bad ways:
ragequit:u get free loses
unaware:it only let it worse,as dies to gunk shot,and dies to energyball
Even ways:
wait:stall it wears it down,but makes your team and mindmore weakened
used roar:changing the angle u look at,but still need to deal it after

Gud ways:
Tackle it quickly before it sets up your mood
used heart swap:transform your mood into motivation
:face your mood bravely

 

[bdt2002]

I have a confession I need to make about something this morning. Saying “No” to certain people can be pretty hard for me. What does this have to do with mental wellness? That’s an easy one to answer. Many times in the past people have asked me if I’ve wanted to do something, and more and more I find it difficult to say what I think of of fear/guilt of not wanting to disappoint them. In recent years this has come up when talking to my college friends about various topics, including this past month in regards to “a certain Nintendo Switch game that’s coming out soon”, if you know what I mean.

Case in point, I’ve made the decision that for the first time in 12 years, I want to pass on getting one of these games, at least for now. The problem? There’s people that might be counting on me playing the game, one of whom I even made a promise to because this particular friend rarely has anyone else to play games with. There’s no doubt I’ll continue to be mad at myself if I keep doing these things, but I want your opinions on what I should actually do. Any help is appreciated. :)

 

[DeepBlueC]

I have a confession I need to make about something this morning. Saying “No” to certain people can be pretty hard for me. What does this have to do with mental wellness? That’s an easy one to answer. Many times in the past people have asked me if I’ve wanted to do something, and more and more I find it difficult to say what I think of of fear/guilt of not wanting to disappoint them. In recent years this has come up when talking to my college friends about various topics, including this past month in regards to “a certain Nintendo Switch game that’s coming out soon”, if you know what I mean.

Case in point, I’ve made the decision that for the first time in 12 years, I want to pass on getting one of these games, at least for now. The problem? There’s people that might be counting on me playing the game, one of whom I even made a promise to because this particular friend rarely has anyone else to play games with. There’s no doubt I’ll continue to be mad at myself if I keep doing these things, but I want your opinions on what I should actually do. Any help is appreciated. :)

Hey, I can totally relate to the difficulty of saying "No," especially when you've given someone your word and then you go back on it, because now it can seem like your integrity is compromised or that your word doesn't have much of a value.

So there's two things here that are in play:
A) how to not let this specific friend down; and
B) how to deal with this same situation (saying "No") in the future.

For now, just focus on A). I see that (1) you don't wish to get the new game, and (2) you'll feel that your friend would experience some loneliness because outside of you, he/she has no one else to play with. Ask yourself if there is a valid reason for you not wanting to get the game (e.g. is it no interest in pokemon, don't have the financial means to purchase it), and if it is valid, then you are not obligated to go through getting the new game. As far as overcoming your friend's loneliness is concerned, you're not limited to playing Pokemon (there are other games) or you can find other activities (like a video call, group watching a show) to help combat his/her loneliness.

For point B), I would suggest talking to a therapist because difficulty in saying "No" could be a multi-layered issue, like not wanting to disappoint others means that you want them to still like you despite delivering bad news; wanting to still be liked means that you wish to be a people-pleaser, and that is unrealistic as you can't please everyone. A therapist/mental health professional would be the most well-equipped person to help you with this.

Good luck and hope it all works out!

 

[Adeleine]

I have a confession I need to make about something this morning. Saying “No” to certain people can be pretty hard for me. What does this have to do with mental wellness? That’s an easy one to answer. Many times in the past people have asked me if I’ve wanted to do something, and more and more I find it difficult to say what I think of of fear/guilt of not wanting to disappoint them. In recent years this has come up when talking to my college friends about various topics, including this past month in regards to “a certain Nintendo Switch game that’s coming out soon”, if you know what I mean.

Case in point, I’ve made the decision that for the first time in 12 years, I want to pass on getting one of these games, at least for now. The problem? There’s people that might be counting on me playing the game, one of whom I even made a promise to because this particular friend rarely has anyone else to play games with. There’s no doubt I’ll continue to be mad at myself if I keep doing these things, but I want your opinions on what I should actually do. Any help is appreciated. :)

This may help. Think about the situation from your friend's point of view. If you were that friend, would you want a friend to spend sixty bucks and a lot of time on an experience they don't actually want? I wouldn't want that, if I were your friend, and I don't think you would either.

I know this sort of process can be difficult for some not all nd people, myself included. Maybe you'll rationally agree with me but still feel that itch internally, and if so, I get it. I've been there. What can help me is finding something I really get or care about and tying the situation back to that. If you really care about being fair, for example, feeling pressured to buy A Certain Game is unfair–its good friends look out for each other, but it's not likely their responsibility to spend sixty bucks on something they don't like. As DBC said, maybe there are other activities you two can do together! Whatever works for you.

 

[bdt2002]

Hey, I can totally relate to the difficulty of saying "No," especially when you've given someone your word and then you go back on it, because now it can seem like your integrity is compromised or that your word doesn't have much of a value.

So there's two things here that are in play:
A) how to not let this specific friend down; and
B) how to deal with this same situation (saying "No") in the future.

For now, just focus on A). I see that (1) you don't wish to get the new game, and (2) you'll feel that your friend would experience some loneliness because outside of you, he/she has no one else to play with. Ask yourself if there is a valid reason for you not wanting to get the game (e.g. is it no interest in pokemon, don't have the financial means to purchase it), and if it is valid, then you are not obligated to go through getting the new game. As far as overcoming your friend's loneliness is concerned, you're not limited to playing Pokemon (there are other games) or you can find other activities (like a video call, group watching a show) to help combat his/her loneliness.

For point B), I would suggest talking to a therapist because difficulty in saying "No" could be a multi-layered issue, like not wanting to disappoint others means that you want them to still like you despite delivering bad news; wanting to still be liked means that you wish to be a people-pleaser, and that is unrealistic as you can't please everyone. A therapist/mental health professional would be the most well-equipped person to help you with this.

Good luck and hope it all works out!

This may help. Think about the situation from your friend's point of view. If you were that friend, would you want a friend to spend sixty bucks and a lot of time on an experience they don't actually want? I wouldn't want that, if I were your friend, and I don't think you would either.

I know this sort of process can be difficult for some not all nd people, myself included. Maybe you'll rationally agree with me but still feel that itch internally, and if so, I get it. I've been there. What can help me is finding something I really get or care about and tying the situation back to that. If you really care about being fair, for example, feeling pressured to buy A Certain Game is unfair–its good friends look out for each other, but it's not likely their responsibility to spend sixty bucks on something they don't like. As DBC said, maybe there are other activities you two can do together! Whatever works for you.

From my friend’s perspective, they’ve always wanted to be able to play Pokémon games (yes, this is Scarlet & Violet, just to cure your guys’ curiosity) with other people, as well as other games, because of some anxiety and depression stuff that turned my friend very antisocial. The problem here is that I have my reasons for not wanting to play, but my friend also has their reasons, and I’m tired of letting feelings of guilt make the decisions for me. Granted they’re usually never anything major, but still.

I would go into further detail on each of our reasons, but I don’t want any responses to turn biased, nor do I want to talk behind my friend’s back if possible.

 

[Adeleine]

Your friend wants to play Pokemon games with other people... if the other people want to play the games too. I assume so, anyways. I've had my antisocial moments, and I still didn't want to drag people through games they didn't want and didn't want to play. I don't think your friend wants that either. If your friend knew you sincerely didn't want anything to do with playing the games, I hope their perspective would change, and that they wouldn't want to drag you through it. You're right in wanting to stop feelings of guilt make decisions for you.

In other words, they may want to "play Pokemon with people" in a vacuum, but if they fully understood this specific situation where you dont want to play, they probably would not want to play with you either.

 

[bdt2002]

Your friend wants to play Pokemon games with other people... if the other people want to play the games too. I assume so, anyways. I've had my antisocial moments, and I still didn't want to drag people through games they didn't want and didn't want to play. I don't think your friend wants that either. If your friend knew you sincerely didn't want anything to do with playing the games, I hope their perspective would change, and that they wouldn't want to drag you through it. You're right in wanting to stop feelings of guilt make decisions for you.

In other words, they may want to "play Pokemon with people" in a vacuum, but if they fully understood this specific situation where you dont want to play, they probably would not want to play with you either.

In both me and my friend’s defense, there is one last detail I’ll throw in here. “Playing with” might not have been the best description. Multiplayer is great (I’m a busy college kid though, so good luck there), but my friend is nice enough to understand this, and “playing alongside” is still a step in the right direction.

Either way, thanks for both of your help :)

 

[bdt2002]

I guess my question for this thread is just, how do you cope with these feelings? Of anxitey, depression, dissatisfaction, feeling out of place, and the like? I'm just unsure if there's anything I can actually do that isn't just the results of "mental health coping methods" from a Google search that i've already tried 17 times.

This feels like one of those situations where the client (in this case, you) most likely doesn't want someone to restate things he or she already knows. Speaking from experience, I find that a combination of three specific factors helps my mental health considerably. Those include:

• Identifying aversive (negative) triggers, and if necessary, removing yourself from access to them
• Finding people, places, and/or things that are very close/special to you that give you a reason to keep at it
• Examining how seemingly unrelated things might impact your emotional stability (Examples: getting enough sleep, trying to stay healthy, etc.)

Sometimes, all it takes is to find what works for you. Unfortunately, any number of Google searches will never amount to what you can learn from some relaxing soul searching. :)

 

[bdt2002]

I really don’t want to have to resort to double posting, but as it stands, I need to get this out somewhere. Anxiety attacks suck. I’m sure we can all agree on this much. But when I start having these in rapid succession every time I find myself faced with something challenging, that’s when I start to ask myself if the problem is actually me.

About five minutes ago I gave up on taking a quiz in class. I wrote my professor a note at the top of it and proceeded to walk out of the classroom with no intention to go back and “apologize”. I do not regret this decision in the slightest. This is far from the first time I would have failed a quiz in this particular class, and while I’ll admit that I barely ever actually sit down and study… the fact of the matter is, history shows my test grades have remained consistent no matter how much studying I do.

I don’t really know what I want to say next, so I’m sorry for wasting your time. Sometimes people just need to rant, I guess.

 

[Fancy1]

a quick vent, I play smashbros ultimate competitively. Me and my friends joined a small little esports team and I hadn’t lost a set all season. (Be prepared for some non coherent English)

Championships was yesterday, although I always get anxious on match days I felt pretty good I had Been practicing my snake quite a bit and my backup joker was also a good option. My team although I love them do have tendencies to yell advice at you while your playing, to try to prevent this i put on one of my Spotify playlists, except this time I didn’t have my earbuds….. so I felt like I couldn’t turn it up to loud to annoy them (fuck you social anxiety) first match was a loss, by a ness spamming pkfire no less. Time to switch to joker, my heart usually races during my matches but yesterday it was at the fucking Indy 500 all I needed was to win the set and my team as a whole would automatically win (so that didn’t help my anxiety at all), time to comeback. Oh and comeback I did, horribly for the first two stocks, it seems when I get horribly nervous I seem to forget some of my basic skills as a player such as not getting backthrowed at 130% percent but I digress. All that anxiety had to be let out somehow and unfortunately it was the table In front of me who received a smack, I still felt like shit I mean how embarrassing is it to be the only one on your team who loses in the championships, and like this isn’t the first time I’ve lost a few games but in the championships…. My head was throbbing and I was about ready to start sobbing (straight bars) so I took a water and a quick walk to cool off, while I was away my goated friend pulled out a 3stock so it wasn’t all bad, anyways thanks for listening, except you anxiety, fuck you. But life isn’t all bad for example I forgot I still have a hot pocket in my fridge so that’s getting devoured later, thanks for listening ya’ll are the best.

 

[Local Dog]

I've recently had very similar, or rather, nightmares. It's very late in the night, 2, 3, maybe 4am, and I am travelling. Car, bus, train through my city. And everytime, I have the same destination and the same goal: my bed and to sleep soundly. But I never reach my bed. I just travel and travel and worry about how I'll never get rest

I think there are two reasons for these dreams
1) I have insomnia (always had it since as long as I can think), my doc assumes it's due to hormonal issues but it's not officially diagnosed. It's been acting up again recently and makes my life quite difficult. I just feel so tired and never get a full night of quality sleep

2) I am always on something. Be it uni, friends, hobbies, anything. And I don't think that's the problem, the problem is that I always have to think about what's next. Oh I am going to the gym, better hurry so I can go home and do uni stuff. Oh I am doing uni stuff, better finish up quick so I can be punctual with my friends. It's just, I always feel like I am on the grind and never manage to just kick back, even when I am in situations where I should be able to

 

[ACNT]

I need to talk tonight.

Almost a year ago today, I decided to take control of my life. I started reading and looked for a job abroad. I put in the effort and got the job, all in a rather nauseating family context. In short, I did my part.

I left at the end of August. It's almost December and I'm already mentally exhausted. The problem is that I can't stand my job and the atmosphere here is weighing on me. I lost about 6 kilos between two months, and without going into details I was already extremely thin. I'm at an anorexic weight now (BMI: 15) and the consequences are obvious. To make matters worse, my anxiety is accompanied by eating disorders, so I'm struggling to regain weight.

When I mentioned to one of my parents that I might want to go back, they simply told me that they no longer understood my decisions, and that they no longer approved of them. My parents have always supported me, to be honest. I've been on the depressed side as well as on the side of those who put up with other people's depression, I know how exhausting it is. But it's hit me so hard that I can't even think about going back now.

I can't find stability for more than three or four months because my head is rotten. No matter what I try. No matter how much I change studies, no matter how many countries I go to, it seems like I'm trying to run away from my shadow. I can let myself sink at times, but I always try to do something to get back up. Now I wonder if it's really worth it. I'm lucky that I'm a pretty well-connected person in general, and my friends do what they can to support me, but it's too much work, even for such dedicated and intelligent people. If I had been a bit more solitary, I would probably be dead by now.

My management has seen that I am sinking and suggests that I resign. They can't fire me unless there is serious misconduct. But I can't do my job properly any more: I have to manage people, but how can you do that when you're thinking of throwing yourself under the local metro train every five minutes? And even if I resign to go back to my country, nothing awaits me there but shame and sadness.

I've lived most of my life being miserable. Yet even if my family is not perfect, they have tried to do their best. I have not been beaten, I have been financially secure. I have been able to surround myself well with friends. I know I can attract girls, and I probably have a girl who likes me at the moment. I was a good student even though I didn't like school, and I had hobbies where I could stand out. In short, I wasn't that unlucky. And yet, it doesn't work.

I had the unshakeable faith that it would eventually change. That I had been too lucky at the start to fall too far. But I think I've lost that faith now, and I'm starting to feel the raw desperation. The more I try, the more it fails, the harder the next attempt is. Shame is a burn whose pain pierces me to the bone. And as much as I'd like to get all the venom out, there are things I'd rather not say because I know the people on this topic are depressed, so some of that poison will stay with me.

I have no idea what will happen to me. All my options are bad. Going home is shame and lack of perspective, staying is a huge risk. And even without talking about the mental side, going back has a lot of purely practical problems that seem like a mountain to me.
I don't even see what I'm going to do at this point. Anything can happen.

One last thing:
An hour ago I went to the supermarket to get some cigarettes in the freezing Caucasian night. After some Russian music, they played this music while I was at the checkout:

Music about depression, in French. God wanted me to cry. Instead I gritted my teeth and walked away, before writting this message.
Depression is the cancer of the mind.

 

[DuGuo]

Hi there, although it seems strange for us to talking here, but My English writing exams screwed up I believe we could get a better understanding through reading&thinking a language with some distance in our first sight.
There’s Sth that we can’t deny that the subjects does not make a big influence on what we’ll gonna do (if we are not interested in basic knowledge exploring).The scores doesn’t define everything.No matter how perfectly others do it,just find your progresses each time and focus on avoiding the mistakes next time.What matters is the things we really love and good at,for instance, I really appreciate your poems which is thought provoking. Every being has its value to exist.Give the world a chance be fore u give up to represent the best view of this world and self. envies ：卡塔纳： recovery and ability to sweep,while ：卡塔纳： always wanna survive special attacks which can tank.
It is true that every success comes with sacrifices.Without the damage calculator defense investment,：沃尔卡罗纳： cannot dance safely among some attackers while lost some instant damage.We see others doin well and actin well,but they might be working much harder behind schools.Even not,it’s also a nice thing to study from them,take their advantages to improve self.Their success doesn’t come from nothing.A much effective learning method or a useful notebook may be the key to your improvement.When observing others, try analyze the inner effects but not conclude in “He is just born better than me”.Focus on the facts rather than the event itself may make you better.

Making friends takes much time,but if u wanna someone to talk with,we guys,and PS China are always there.
People has their own comfort zones,especially entering a new period of schooling life.My senior1 remained at the same school,but classmates totally changed to another bunch of students coming from another same school.Yep,I’m the isolated person in my OWN school.But once I put effort in knowing others deeply,some of them know my characteristics and allows me to join their social zone.It takes time,but it’s worth it.
Others take pleasure from someone else’s pain,it’s common that it happens everywhere.Just avoid meeting those people,or using clear disagreements to express your uncomfort.If crucial,use the law(school rules) to guar your rights properly.
However,it is worth notice that a true friend is so valuable that it might sustain for a lifelong.U just need time to meet the one desired,just as and

​

Empty your mind thouroughly,but not immerse in anything would help.Non-senior high semesters still have a dozen of activities for u to join.Make your best effort in it,and try to make yourself shine.I believe it can make your social environment better.
P.S.There’s a strange belief in me:Moods are just hormones tricking around our heads.We can all control it if we wanna to,and paid our effort.
Not a good lecturer,but I sincerely hope this could help.

The late appreciation.
Surprised but not accidental that you will see my article here and reply. Maybe I'm writing here to make people see, or maybe not, just don't know what I'm longing for.
Now I will briefly describe what happened in the past two weeks when I disappeared: I went to school and took the mid-term exam, which almost gave me great pressure to study and mind. I took part in the competition class during the school holiday, so I hardly got any relaxation. The pressure of the epidemic outside the school is increasing, so I was sent home. That is all.
Almost decided not to play more pokemon in three years, and the biggest reason why I still stay here is that I want to find someone to chat with, to accompany and understand, and to seek truth in the virtual world.
I don't deny that I am eager for a real friend all the time, but it is difficult for me to open my heart to others completely now. Since my best friend committed suicide, I don't deny that I may also have this tendency.
I wrote some words in the school, which is some random talks about myself and the world i saw, If I have time, I will translate and post here.
Also imagine my future, just say i cant see anything.
all thanks, and if u are interest just add my qq.

 

[GaryTheGengar]

I need to talk tonight.

Almost a year ago today, I decided to take control of my life. I started reading and looked for a job abroad. I put in the effort and got the job, all in a rather nauseating family context. In short, I did my part.

I left at the end of August. It's almost December and I'm already mentally exhausted. The problem is that I can't stand my job and the atmosphere here is weighing on me. I lost about 6 kilos between two months, and without going into details I was already extremely thin. I'm at an anorexic weight now (BMI: 15) and the consequences are obvious. To make matters worse, my anxiety is accompanied by eating disorders, so I'm struggling to regain weight.

When I mentioned to one of my parents that I might want to go back, they simply told me that they no longer understood my decisions, and that they no longer approved of them. My parents have always supported me, to be honest. I've been on the depressed side as well as on the side of those who put up with other people's depression, I know how exhausting it is. But it's hit me so hard that I can't even think about going back now.

I can't find stability for more than three or four months because my head is rotten. No matter what I try. No matter how much I change studies, no matter how many countries I go to, it seems like I'm trying to run away from my shadow. I can let myself sink at times, but I always try to do something to get back up. Now I wonder if it's really worth it. I'm lucky that I'm a pretty well-connected person in general, and my friends do what they can to support me, but it's too much work, even for such dedicated and intelligent people. If I had been a bit more solitary, I would probably be dead by now.

My management has seen that I am sinking and suggests that I resign. They can't fire me unless there is serious misconduct. But I can't do my job properly any more: I have to manage people, but how can you do that when you're thinking of throwing yourself under the local metro train every five minutes? And even if I resign to go back to my country, nothing awaits me there but shame and sadness.

I've lived most of my life being miserable. Yet even if my family is not perfect, they have tried to do their best. I have not been beaten, I have been financially secure. I have been able to surround myself well with friends. I know I can attract girls, and I probably have a girl who likes me at the moment. I was a good student even though I didn't like school, and I had hobbies where I could stand out. In short, I wasn't that unlucky. And yet, it doesn't work.

I had the unshakeable faith that it would eventually change. That I had been too lucky at the start to fall too far. But I think I've lost that faith now, and I'm starting to feel the raw desperation. The more I try, the more it fails, the harder the next attempt is. Shame is a burn whose pain pierces me to the bone. And as much as I'd like to get all the venom out, there are things I'd rather not say because I know the people on this topic are depressed, so some of that poison will stay with me.

I have no idea what will happen to me. All my options are bad. Going home is shame and lack of perspective, staying is a huge risk. And even without talking about the mental side, going back has a lot of purely practical problems that seem like a mountain to me.
I don't even see what I'm going to do at this point. Anything can happen.

One last thing:
An hour ago I went to the supermarket to get some cigarettes in the freezing Caucasian night. After some Russian music, they played this music while I was at the checkout:

Music about depression, in French. God wanted me to cry. Instead I gritted my teeth and walked away, before writting this message.
Depression is the cancer of the mind.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. I can truly relate to the sentiment expressed in your post.

Someone once gave me some aphoristic advice, which I'll expand on as the concise version might come across as abrasive bereft of context. Severe clinical depression won't just 'get better' as some people declare, at least not for everyone. This doesn't mean that you'll never see any reprieve, rather that a person might not wake up one day and find themselves cured. Letting go of the hope that a complete turnaround is a possibility can be a weight off one's shoulders; no longer do they find themselves carrying the burden of responsibility as to why they feel so poor. What will improve in time is the way one can deal with their depression: things such as (healthy) coping mechanisms, tempered self-expectations, making a point to appreciate the things in life that you enjoy, no matter how small. Life may not live up to the expectations set as a wide-eyed youth, but that doesn't mean you can't live the life available to the fullest extent.

I apologize if this is too blunt, or if my viewpoint is overly pessimistic. Personally, I've always been fond of pragmatic advice rather than the idealistic response people often have to depression.

I won't pretend to have everything figured out. I still struggle tremendously with my own depression, but I'm always willing to lend an empathetic ear if you need someone to talk to.

 

[Ducky]

I've always struggled to talk about my feeling, but this is something that I felt I needed to get off my chest.
Some of you may know that tennis is something I am very passionate about and that I'm very good at it (ik this kinda sounds like a brag but it isnt meant to). Anyways, for while ive had some minor knee pain, but it has mostly come and gone pretty quickly. However, the past 2 weeks it has gotten much worse, so a week ago I went to the doctor and found out that I have a pretty bad case of Patellar tendinitis and will most likely never play tennis at a high level. This has been really difficult for me to process, especially because of all thw work I have for school, as even though I wasnt specifically hoping to pursue a career in tennis, it is no longer even an option that I can consider. I don't really know what to think or do, but it's been something weighing on me and I felt like i needed to talk about it.

 

[Local Dog]

Recently, I am just so stressed and scared. Stressed because I have to get back into all the personal and worklife shit after I had to put all my time in the last few weeks into my thesis. Scared because recently, my greatest fear has been acting up again: my fear of losing the ones I love

I had a dream or something like this on Monday and afterwards, I was so scared of my parents dying. I have a difficult relationship with them, but I love them and seeing them age and the thought of them dying one day scares me shitless. Everyone goes through this at some point, but the way I stand with them would make this maybe even worse.

Because of some very long story, I keep thinking of my friends and I fear they will leave me. Some people I considered friends for years have done so in my teenage years. Some people I considered friends have also only used me for my money and my support. I really fear that the same will happen. There's no reason for it, there were red flags all over with these fake friends of my past that I suspected. The current fears I have feel overthought. But... I don't fucking know man. I don't get much sleep and work is fucking me over really bad. I haven't seen my freinds in a while

I sometimes think about talking with my friends about this but I fear it might alienate them or seem manipulative. This whole social shit is still hard for me

Also, I keep dreaming so strongly. I recently reduced my SSRI consumption and I think it has to do with it. Dogs keep appearing in them. I think it's because they're associated with loyalty and that's kinda what I am all about. Part of the reason why I always considered them my spirit animals of sorts. It's weird how much power my dreams have over my life

 

[1LDK]

I was about to make this thread because i couldnt find it, man i almost make myself a laughing stock, again
Oh man, I just need to get this off my chest, my family are a bunch of self arrogant bastards who are constantly sabotaging the things the other do and then get surprised the other gets mad, like what the fuck did you think was supposed to happen? you fucking moron
and i cant stop these things because im scared and im a fucking coward good for nothing little shit, and now i have to break down in a forum about pokemon because im wrapped, trapped and cant go to the psyquiatrits, and now when i try to relax on games, my mind cant stop thinking about how much my life fucking sucks, and now im doing eveything bad which makes it all worst, fuck

worst thing is, eventually im gonna calm myself down and then everything is gonna happen again because nothing changes, the statuss quo is still there because everyone here is retarded, even me

and yeah, thaats the rant for today, see you at valentines

 

[Blaze]

Hey I’m here again after a long while. I’ve been having a hard time thinking positively of myself I doubt my abilities in everything. Sometimes I feel incapable and not smart enough. I’m just sorely depressed not having much interest in anything anymore, Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. My communication is poor with those close to me and I rather be inside most of the time. I just feel the older I get the worse I feel I used to always see the bright side in things but now I’m just a shadow of that and see the worst. My social anxiety just makes it all the more worse. I just feel incomplete I don’t feel like a man I just feel weak and vulnerable (that’s what my mind tells me) honestly I feel I’m failing at this life shit ngl. I recently returned to college after a year break and I’m wondering how I’m gonna get through (me once again doubting my intelligence). Idk I just hope I can overcome this battle in my mind and achieve my goals but rn it just feels far fetched. Thanks for listening to my vent.

 

[earl]

Hey I’m here again after a long while. I’ve been having a hard time thinking positively of myself I doubt my abilities in everything. Sometimes I feel incapable and not smart enough. I’m just sorely depressed not having much interest in anything anymore, Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. My communication is poor with those close to me and I rather be inside most of the time. I just feel the older I get the worse I feel I used to always see the bright side in things but now I’m just a shadow of that and see the worst. My social anxiety just makes it all the more worse. I just feel incomplete I don’t feel like a man I just feel weak and vulnerable (that’s what my mind tells me) honestly I feel I’m failing at this life shit ngl. I recently returned to college after a year break and I’m wondering how I’m gonna get through (me once again doubting my intelligence). Idk I just hope I can overcome this battle in my mind and achieve my goals but rn it just feels far fetched. Thanks for listening to my vent.

i’ve recently come to peace with the fact that i’m honestly not that smart generally, and i really think being comfortable with your flaws goes a long way in self acceptance. obviously don’t wallow in self pity but it’s important to understand that personal flaws really aren’t the end all. we all got em

 

[Local Dog]

I had sleep paralysis and horrifying, vivid nightmares in the last few months and it genuinely gives me fear of sleeping. Every time I get paralysis, I get the worst panic attacks and feel like I will die. When I get nightmares, I sometimes just can't function when awake because of how much pressure these dreams put on me

I am currently not home and sleep over in a tiny tiny apartment, even smaller than my 30sqm home. Something about this place makes this fear so much worse

I'll try to learn moving my toes or my pinky when I get paralysed so I get off from it, but it will take time I fear.

Of all phobias to have, this really is an unfortunate one...

 

[Captain Funk]

tw

pretty much nothing has gotten better at all for me since this post. I still just wish I was gone. I genuinely, honestly wish I could just not wake up tomorrow. I feel like there's absolutely nothing good left for me in this life. I can't contribute anything meaningful whatsoever to the world, and I can't even enjoy my own stupid pointless free time. I'm such a fucking moron man. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing anymore. I don't think I can do this anymore.

Hey man. It's been awhile since we last spoke. I looked you up so we can catch up but it lead me to this post. Ik it's a bit late but I'm sorry that feel this way about yourself, cause the way you feel about yourself is not how I view you as a person. You've always been a kind hearted person with alot of ambition. There were times I do recall you doubting yourself, but everytime you did, you proved yourself wrong and ascended greater heights. Conquering every doubt you had about yourself and showing just how of an amazing person you are. I hope you're in a better mental space since your last post. If you ever want to reach out to catch up or just talk, my discord is Captain Funk#3230. Wishing the best for you man.