Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

Mental wellness. Sure. Because the last thing I want to do when I'm experiencing the third depressive spike I've had in the past week is talk to a bunch of freaking strangers on the Internet about it. What could possibly go wrong?

If it wasn't obvious by my attitude, I'm absolutely furious right now. But if you were to ask me why, I genuinely couldn't tell you how this started or how long this has been happening. I'm using the term "depressive spike" to describe an increasingly common scenario in which something, no matter what it is, causes me to turn into what I can only describe as a heartless monster who hates my life despite all the good things within it. Or who knows, maybe this is just how "growing up" feels and I just need to freaking deal with it because I'm a spoiled brat. Who knows at this point.

I'm only certain of a couple things regarding these. The big one seems to be that these spikes don't last forever, but they will occur in shorter bursts, if you will. My best "guess" on when I started having these goes back to my summer break two years ago, a time that I distinctly remember nothing going according to plan and me seemingly having no control over my feelings. Despite my family's claims (because God forbid you trust your own child- you know, the one actually taking the medicine- more than these "professionals"), I've only become more and more confident that both my weekly counseling and my daily morning prescription aren't helping. From my point of view, I think they're actually making it worse. The problem with me asking for help and continuing counseling is that I don't know what I actually need help with.

It's a real shame, too, because prior to the 2020s I wasn't like this. I used to be happy. I used to actually want to do something with my life. Simply put, over the past two or three years I've just been hiding how I really feel both in person and online. I figured that maybe, just maybe, if I forced myself to try and accept a career path in something other people thought I'd be good at, then I could either keep the mask on, or more preferably, help other people not live the same kind of life I have. If I could get rid of everything I know about school and about hobbies and especially this stupid thing called "relationships", I absolutely would. It's not even that I had a bad childhood, or anywhere close to it. It felt more like everything I grew up believing was either a lie or was covered in lies.

...actually, you know what? Never mind. I'm not continuing this post from here. I'm still going to post this because I hate myself, but at this point I'm just going on a useless tangent instead of fixing myself. And you wanna know the best part? My dumb a** is still going to look back at this and hope people quote on quote "care". And for what? Just so I have some false feeling of validity?
 
bdt2002 said:
It's a real shame, too, because prior to the 2020s I wasn't like this. I used to be happy. I used to actually want to do something with my life. Simply put, over the past two or three years I've just been hiding how I really feel both in person and online. I figured that maybe, just maybe, if I forced myself to try and accept a career path in something other people thought I'd be good at, then I could either keep the mask on, or more preferably, help other people not live the same kind of life I have. If I could get rid of everything I know about school and about hobbies and especially this stupid thing called "relationships", I absolutely would. It's not even that I had a bad childhood, or anywhere close to it. It felt more like everything I grew up believing was either a lie or was covered in lies.
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I had the EXACT same situation as you have it now two years ago. Like on the point exactly

What I discovered after a while in this state was that these feelings come from insecurities that I always had but never really explored, that there's something that seems intangible that somehow triggered these insecurities and that they started to consume my life. Ever since I was in this state, I've been constantly working on understanding these insecurities and trying to deal with them in some way, but it is difficult and I believe that this task may take up my entire life

I can't even really say what could help you in this situation. What helped me was quitting major social media sites, as they only fed my insecurities, made me feel dissatisfied with society and made me into a doomer. What ultimately brought me out of it was to actively have a "stop to smell the roses" attitude. But I know that this most likely sounds like bullshit to you, for me I used the start of spring after a fall and winter with these feelings having dominated my life. I spent lots of time outside and watched flowers bloom. Idk it put things into perspective

I suppose that such periods of life are a time of self-exploration and introspection. You should still consult your support network and try your best to feel better, but as shit as this time feels, it's also an opportunity of sorts

I also came to the conclusion that my time on earth is finite and that I should take my opportunities whilst I have them. I finished my business degree, but I want to start with art school next year and want to pursue a creative career. I never would've dared to do so if it weren't for these depressive spikes and the introspection that these times have given me
 
Local Dog said:
I had the EXACT same situation as you have it now two years ago. Like on the point exactly

What I discovered after a while in this state was that these feelings come from insecurities that I always had but never really explored, that there's something that seems intangible that somehow triggered these insecurities and that they started to consume my life. Ever since I was in this state, I've been constantly working on understanding these insecurities and trying to deal with them in some way, but it is difficult and I believe that this task may take up my entire life
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If it helps clarify anything, one of the few things I can say is that for the past two or three years (I'll give 2020 the benefit of the doubt since honestly that year was pretty solid outside of the pandemic) is that nothing, and I mean nothing has been enjoyable for me. I'm not trying to sound like some edgy college kid, either. In fact, here's a full list of my hobbies and what happened to them.
  • Hanging out with family: Half of them don't even live here anymore, and the other half are all busy adulting and being worried constantly about their own futures (which is reasonable)
  • Playing video games casually: I didn't have access to online gaming for many years growing up, and while I would love to follow the single player side of the industry more, even that side's full of a bunch of anti-consumer drama that just makes me want to quit (Admittedly I'm very nostalgia blind, but also never really had much of a reason to try, say, Indie games for example)
  • Hanging out with my high school friends: I'm in college now, but even if I did have more opportunities, our unique hobbies just aren't the same like they used to be (that, and something that happened in 2021 that I haven't gotten to yet)
  • Hanging out with my college friends: They all have jobs, and as nice as they are, some of the stuff they do and say on a daily basis makes me want to vomit
  • Watching and studying the weather: It worries people when I do this because they've started getting my old hobby mixed up with a severe thunderstorm phobia (pun very much intended), and as a result no one in person takes me seriously
  • Playing sports in and out of school: First it was soccer and then I was in the high school band program; obviously I'm not in high school anymore, so there's that, but I've also proven that I'm just... not an athlete, like, at all
Pretty much what I'm trying to say here is that even though finding new hobbies would be a major step in the right direction, there's too many reasons I could come up with to be afraid of trying something new. Chief among them is the idea that I'm in my early 20s and I've convinced myself I can't afford to be "having fun" anymore, especially with everything becoming so freaking expensive these days.
 
honestly at first I wanted to post to rant and/or vent but thinking abt it I need advice to get my shit together, and there's nothing better than just talking abt your life (whether it's good or not) with a bunch of strangers that live miles away from you.
I just turned 15 a month ago & stuff is just getting so much worse, like I'm being so fr. A lot of things have been happening this year & it can't possibly get worse at this point.

So, right when school's year started, I changed schools and I broke up w my gf right away (I'm def getting over the break-up tho but not completely over it) for some unrelated reasons. When the year started, I had barely any friends but I was generally liked by most people so I didn't give a fuck.

Ngl tho, as the time passed, I started getting into groups and I also became popular (or whatever u wanna call that lol I still find those high school labels completely pointless & stupid) & like, I realized how everyone around me is fake, like, aside from some people, nobody seems to genuinely care about me (or anyone, tbh, but I somehow figure it out more easily), and I feel like I'm changing a lot of my personality to fit in (hiding my pansexuality, trying to be a whole ass extrovert & doing some lowkey nasty jokes here and there) without even realizing, and I'm seriously starting to find this problematic in so many ways. Good thing is that I'm starting to set boundaries but still not done with that yet.

I've been also thinking about my destructive af behavior ngl, like I'm lowkey pushing away the few ppl that I can consider friends because I'm such a backstabber (I didn't rly wanna talk about this because I knew it was going to come off as if I was playing the victim, but no, I take accountability for this) & I'm extremely embarrassed abt it ngl, like while i'm not in any "relationship", I've been actively flirting with literally one of my best friend's gf and it's actually kind of mutual, and I'm like extremely guilty for this ngl. Like seriously, I just wanna stay single forever but I just keep on being an asshole.

Another thing that's been stressing me tf out is school, like, I'm obsessed with grades and keeping up this "good teen image" in front of my family (my parents aren't rly demanding, but they surely want me to be a saint & I'm clearly not) & I seriously don't even have enough time to have any fun or even focus on myself because of it, and I can't really deal with the stress, like school used to be fun, but now I find it so stressful & shitty.

Might as well share that I'm starting to miss being younger (I know I'm still young, but yall get the point). I just miss having fun without worrying about anything & doing my shit without having three mental breakdowns at 2am or self-harming every once in a while without anybody really figuring it out.

Oh also, been having a lot of issues w/ my dad. He might not be the "typical idiot", but he's literally yelling for absolutely everything & points out every minor mistake I make and like, I can literally stand my ground against anyone but HIM (or any family member, honestly), since I know I'm 100% going to lose any argument against him, so I just try to keep my mf mouth shut & deal with it internally bcuz most of the time I feel like it's my fault ngl.
Ok, now I bet most of ya'll will wonder why am I even posting this, and honestly, idk aside from the fact that I'm way too embarrassed to talk abt it with anyone irl (and I probably need to seek serious help), but yeah that's it for now. Stay safe <3.
 
Not directly mental health related, but I have and had a tendency all my life that made my life more difficult, made me treat people like shit and destroyed some of my relationships

I reduce people down to their labels. Like I don't see a human, I see their upbringing, their looks, their surroundings, and I make assumptions about them based on this superficial image I have, believing that they are and will act like others I knew who appeared similar to them

I was hostile towards people for reasons they have no control over, rejected and casted out people who could've been my friends and it just makes me feel isolated on a way. I don't want to play the victim, I really am a bully in these (and other) regards, but when all you see in others is a image that reduces the human, I just feel alone

It also makes me a hypocrite. I always hated racism, sexism, ageism, classism, all kinds of discrimination, but I partake in all of these forms of being a jerk

How do I stop doing this?

Edit: Jesus why are people giving haha reactions on this? That's genuine jerk behavior ngl
 
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Local Dog said:
Not directly mental health related, but I have and had a tendency all my life that made my life more difficult, made me treat people like shit and destroyed some of my relationships

I reduce people down to their labels. Like I don't see a human, I see their upbringing, their looks, their surroundings, and I make assumptions about them based on this superficial image I have, believing that they are and will act like others I knew who appeared similar to them

I was hostile towards people for reasons they have no control over, rejected and casted out people who could've been my friends and it just makes me feel isolated on a way. I don't want to play the victim, I really am a bully in these (and other) regards, but when all you see in others is a image that reduces the human, I just feel alone

It also makes me a hypocrite. I always hated racism, sexism, ageism, classism, all kinds of discrimination, but I partake in all of these forms of being a jerk

How do I stop doing this?

Edit: Jesus why are people giving haha reactions on this? That's genuine jerk behavior ngl
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I've experienced something similar to this due to pretty much being a shut-in for the first 18 years of my life and having extreme social isolation; I would try to make assumptions about people too based on what I saw on the surface and just assumed they would be "just like the others", leading to a lack of friends. It's still something that's internalized within me today, but I realized everyone fits into some sort of stereotype, even you and me, even by the smallest things like ethnicity and hairstyle. I feel like not judging people from their surface is something that develops eventually, and some people understand it better based on their personal experiences due to being more social, their upbringing, or a lot of factors. Personally something I've been doing to work on it is talking to people more; I honestly don't interact with a lot of people much outside of my girlfriend and her family on a daily basis but experiencing other people takes me out of the bad mindset.

Don’t know if your case is similar to mine but generally speaking to new people helps gain the insight that they aren't really what they seem on the surface, and everyone's unique on the inside. For me, part of it is also making myself attractive enough to have other people be friends with me, for example approaching people and trying to start a conversation is a good way to try and build the bridge of friendship, while having a sense of humor is something many people value in a friend or even a partner. Generally speaking I've found that if you like to do banter and take things less seriously, it helps you be more approachable to people since it's easy to joke around with things. Sometimes in life it’s important to laugh a little and take things less seriously to enjoy living a bit. I major in Psychology and it's easy to be like "this person has x y or z background so they must think like this" and do some dumb psychoanalysis bullshit, but one thing I've learned is that witnessing humanity and experiencing humanity are two completely different things. It's one thing to look at who someone is and imagine how being in that person's life would go, but actually taking the steps to experience them is another thing; it's like looking at a cake and imagining how it tastes like compared to actually eating the cake.

Something you could try to do with it is talk to one new person every day to deconstruct that mindset. The changes will eventually show up over time, and keep in mind that subconscious discrimination is something that a lot of people experience and it doesn't make you a bad person for having it. It's good that you recognize it and are working on it!
 
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middle of a 10 day vaction rn off from work for the first time in 5 years(!!) - closest i could claim to taking was having a 4 day weekend once. outside that only time i had more than a day or 2 was when my dad passed in 2020 (not being mopey, but ofc that doesnt count)
weather hasn't been the best and i caught a lil congestion from my step-neice, but the time off alone with my dog and to myself and few hours with say my mom or whoever comes by has been really nice.
definitely needed this mental and physical break and while i aint doing much than around the house and personal work it's so beautiful to be able to and not feel the "over the shoulder" feeling of knowing "work tomorrow" etc.
definitely helping the mental re-perceive my world and what i actually wanna even consider worrying about.

hell even get 2 weeks worth of pay for a weeks worth of work this paycheck, very noice. lmaoo.
 
I just don't understand how people can think that saying yes but meaning no is a thing of politeness, honestly, it's just so much worse

I asked a girl out and we had a fixed date. She told me she can't because of work, I know her work and I know how much crunch there can be so I understood it. But she's been pushing around the date for weeks and weeks and normally I would understand it as her not wanting to see me but then she texts me about how she has a gift for me for my graduation and asks me how I am doing every couple of days?

I asked her if she wants to meet up sometime and she ghosted me for two weeks, then she was again all like how I am doing and tells me that she's on vacation and busy with cleaning her home? What does that even mean? That she's having time but she rather spends several days cleaning her home instead of seeing me?

This makes me feel like I am not even worth an honest answer. Like if she just said no, fine. I get it. But what does this even mean what she's doing?
 
i spoke awhile back about an issue with my best friend dealing with a girl i use to and both said they wouldn't.
yada yada ya, not rehashing but since then me and him been cordial and chat fine when either we want to or need to but dont force it.

today i tweeted something about a "Friend going out lame" (not in regards to him at all, about a mutual former friend with another long term friend) and the girl --- whom he told stop obsessing over my social media (Since i never speak about (or to - in her sense) her, him or them) outta respect to him [cus any significant other would be like "why you obsessing over someone else"] sent him a screenshot of my tweet and he tried to come at me and I first laughed then got a lil tight like "Vro, first off you know I don't do this tone ish you pulling rn, you wanna talk or go at it? - I already know the answer so I suggest you look at reality: We been civil for weeks - and didn't this girl tell you she *"Wouldn't do that outta respect to you and me"* (YOUR WORDS) now I'm not even tryna be an asshole here or play with you, but if we been cool enough as we figure this out for weeks... and she PROMISED YOU shed stop.... wtf is going on?"

I always feared she was doing "Get back" (knowing I'm open she never "clicked for me" but tried to stay nice/civil etc [to this day she tells him she wishes we still were cool her and I, we were till all this] so it wasn't a "LOSS" for me - she went the friend route to try and emit a response) from me just not being into her and never said it cus I didn't wanna belittle what they had even if I don't agree with how it happened.... But even he's seeing it now.
And I kinda hate that for him.

But he told me he's with me all the way through "I honestly don't like how much he's into the drama side of life, she can't help herself"
Me: Didn't I tell you that's why I stopped talking to her when I did?

There's so many good women (and people in general) in the world - I seen along time ago she ain't one, now he's learning.
 
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Local Dog said:
I just don't understand how people can think that saying yes but meaning no is a thing of politeness, honestly, it's just so much worse

I asked a girl out and we had a fixed date. She told me she can't because of work, I know her work and I know how much crunch there can be so I understood it. But she's been pushing around the date for weeks and weeks and normally I would understand it as her not wanting to see me but then she texts me about how she has a gift for me for my graduation and asks me how I am doing every couple of days?

I asked her if she wants to meet up sometime and she ghosted me for two weeks, then she was again all like how I am doing and tells me that she's on vacation and busy with cleaning her home? What does that even mean? That she's having time but she rather spends several days cleaning her home instead of seeing me?

This makes me feel like I am not even worth an honest answer. Like if she just said no, fine. I get it. But what does this even mean what she's doing?
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While I don't want to give a definitive answer about strangers, in my experience people who do that sort of thing want to revel in the attention they're getting while not taking what they say to others seriously, but there are definitely other reasons, like some people just have a hard time saying no. Regardless while i get the impulse, I don't think you should take this as a reflection of yourself or your worth.
 
one of my best friends moved back local again and i'm super happy about it --- i even told my friend from the earlier "Drama" posts bout it and he was lit (since we are good, just those around us want a story)
i think that might be the happy pill life needed and i can't wait to see my boy again.
 
In regards to my last post - I think part of why this bothers me so much is how, at age 23, I still never had any kind of serious, romantic relationship. I feel very insecure about this and feel like I missed out on a lot, like having puppy love (yeah yeah puns and shit) or having these drama filled, early teens relationships. However, I think I am beginning to understand more and more why that is so

First of all, I suppose there are societal factors that have influenced this. There's a reason why there are more and more single households and why many people my age feel lonely and unable to connect. Having to live for work, the death of third locations and people becoming more and more closed off towards new relationships are important reasons for this. I never liked this realization, it made me feel like a victim without agency and whilst a lot of it is true, I don't want to be one of these Joker profile pic incels that are talking about how society is cucking them

And another reason is how, for some reason I don't fully understand, I always aimed for girls and women who were unreachable to me as a teen. Girls in relationships, who were much older than me, who had no interest in romantic relationships... Meanwhile, in retrospect, I never connected with girls who were single, my age and who I vibed with. Maybe I didn't actually want a real relationship or maybe it was self destructive behavior, something I tended to during my teens. I don't really know. And since my 20s, I haven't met many women, because of COVID and having studied at a university that was more prominent among older people who wanted to catch up on their education. So all the people I studied with were in longterm relationships or married or something. There was a single girl my age who wasn't in a relationship, and she told me she didn't feel ready for a romantic relationship, so idk. And I never went to high school, I started working at age 15, all the people there were like 30-60. Only now do I meet people my age at workplaces. I want to attend art school next year, maybe I'll have better luck there
 
positive side of the mental:

me and my Pupp (basset hound so short stocky legs and floppy eared) and i just took a 2 hour nap (admittedly i was a bit lit passing out with him)
woke up got my left arm under his head, right over his ribs, and hes "cuddling me back" with his lil front legs on my shoulder/chest.
no wonder we slept so good, me and the poopah slept good as hell all cuddled up.
love that doggo, made my weekend lmao.
 
you ever had to have almost like an "intervention" with a friend/fam member to tell them "We love you but no, you are the problem"

Hate to say it but that just happened with my lil sister cus she works herself up then gets incredibly loud and rude and disrespectful" - I can't even post some the things she's said to our own family (parents included) without risking a banhammer.

I finally had enough and had to call her out today. Like... I'm over you disrespecting everyone cus "You're going through something;" stop the strawman, I known you all your life, this is you far too often (forever), USUALLY DAILY (even for things as small as the Dog tryna say hi when you're "In a moment" - today it was someone (me - she loves subs cus she'll talk crazy but don't wanna be direct)"parked in her spot" closer to the house even tho she got home at 4am after everyone - just ridiculous, knowing we gotta let mom have the free route out, its a 2 lane, 4 car at best driveway and moms was parked up high [especially now that she's always running to check on our grandma on top of work and etc, she gotta be free to just go])... you need help - not even tryna be smart or upset ya but no one likes you when you're like this.
 
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yureion said:
you ever had to have almost like an "intervention" with a friend/fam member to tell them "We love you but no, you are the problem"

Hate to say it but that just happened with my lil sister cus she works herself up then gets incredibly loud and rude and disrespectful" - I can't even post some the things she's said to our own family (parents included) without risking a banhammer.

I finally had enough and had to call her out today. Like... I'm over you disrespecting everyone cus "You're going through something;" stop the strawman, I known you all your life, this is you far too often (forever), USUALLY DAILY (even for things as small as the Dog tryna say hi when you're "In a moment" - today it was someone (me - she loves subs cus she'll talk crazy but don't wanna be direct)"parked in her spot" closer to the house even tho she got home at 4am after everyone - just ridiculous, knowing we gotta let mom have the free route out, its a 2 lane, 4 car at best driveway and moms was parked up high [especially now that she's always running to check on our grandma on top of work and etc, she gotta be free to just go])... you need help - not even tryna be smart or upset ya but no one likes you when you're like this.
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My older sister is very much like this. The thing is, she never realizes that what she's doing is fucked up. She said, verbatim, that we are all sick and fucked up and that she's the only reasonable person in the family. But like, she tried to kill a classmate in a fit of anger when she was 16. She broke my arm when I was 2 when she got jealous that our mother gave me attention. My parents never left me alone with her because of her behavior

She's 32 and she still lives with our parents, despite them having tried everything to get her out, even renting a small apartment for her that she never went to. She has no friends or loved ones. She literally just lives to eat and watch murder documentaries on Netflix. Honestly it's kinda concerning how obsessed she is with Dahmer and Bundy

I don't have any contact with her anymore since I moved out and she apparently got worse since I left. She now wants an artificial insemination because she feels bored and wants kids. Me and my parents have tried for years to get this out of her head, my parents told her they won't support her when she does this and we tried explaining and explaining to her how she isn't able to raise kids. But she's stubborn and, honestly, there's just something wrong with her

I have pretty bad depressions and anxiety, OCD and some other fucky stuff but I am still the most mentally healthy of my parent's children, which is quite fucked up when you consider how much of a mess I am

Sorry I guess I went on a little rant her. Intervention seems right in this situation. Have you considered suggesting some medical help for her? It can be insulting to many suggesting a psychologist, but doing so tactful and helping her find a place for diagnostics could help her out a great deal
 
Local Dog said:
My older sister is very much like this. The thing is, she never realizes that what she's doing is fucked up. She said, verbatim, that we are all sick and fucked up and that she's the only reasonable person in the family. But like, she tried to kill a classmate in a fit of anger when she was 16. She broke my arm when I was 2 when she got jealous that our mother gave me attention. My parents never left me alone with her because of her behavior

She's 32 and she still lives with our parents, despite them having tried everything to get her out, even renting a small apartment for her that she never went to. She has no friends or loved ones. She literally just lives to eat and watch murder documentaries on Netflix. Honestly it's kinda concerning how obsessed she is with Dahmer and Bundy

I don't have any contact with her anymore since I moved out and she apparently got worse since I left. She now wants an artificial insemination because she feels bored and wants kids. Me and my parents have tried for years to get this out of her head, my parents told her they won't support her when she does this and we tried explaining and explaining to her how she isn't able to raise kids. But she's stubborn and, honestly, there's just something wrong with her

I have pretty bad depressions and anxiety, OCD and some other fucky stuff but I am still the most mentally healthy of my parent's children, which is quite fucked up when you consider how much of a mess I am

Sorry I guess I went on a little rant her. Intervention seems right in this situation. Have you considered suggesting some medical help for her? It can be insulting to many suggesting a psychologist, but doing so tactful and helping her find a place for diagnostics could help her out a great deal
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I relate to this very deeply and I'm sorry you went through all that, my sister isn't "Violent" and she's just now starting to go out cus she got her license and a car for the first time ever (in her mid 20s) so she goes out on Dates and yada ya now, but forever prior? No. One of her friends had a crush on me once and she got SO MAD she was talking to me and tried to tell her vicious lies about me to get her to dislike me - the kicker, when we did talk the girl told me herself "I'd love to hang out with your sister but she never even talks to me"
So very much Anti-Social [seemingly like your sister] soul till recently (and she tries to blame her "Breaking out of her shell finally" for some of her "Ups and Downs" - you just never wanted to do anything prior. Even as a kid she'd cry and scream about going to school, later bitch about working a part time 4-5 hour a day job 2-3 times a week, and even when her best friend paid for a cruise (an experience none of us ever had) she was like "I DONT KNOW IF I REALLY WANNA GO CUS I WANT MY TIME" - all she has is "Her time")

It's funny she is the most open to trying medicine in the family and literally just got on Birth Control on a whim but if you suggest (which is funny cus as a kid SHE SWORE SHE WANTED DEPRESSION PILLS) mental health medicine now she's like NO IM GOOD I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM.

She tries to hold over my head I'm a couple years older and I am here and the girl I love has to often be elsewhere for her job - I'm only here cus Mom and Dad (WHEN DAD WAS DYING) were forced out the old home and couldnt afford anything else if I didn't help. So the idea is when (with my Dad having passed) when my Mom passes it comes down to the family and whoever wants it can pay the siblings out or all sell it together and move on.
So while not tryna be a that guy - the only reason the family has a home is cus I agreed to be here and help pay for; since my girl DOES travel for work and when she can settle down in her job we'll get a place.

Like you said about your sister my sister has no accountability and think she's justified.... If anything she gets herself so worked up then explodes ranting AT PEOPLE (not even necessarily about them all the time) but just loud and verbose FOR HOURS and essentially gaslights people so the first person to interact/respond to her outbursts is the problem and it's not her at all. Which is THEE DEFINITION OF GASLIGHTING (and no accountability)

My girl tells me all the time "I understand you helped the family for your sick father and i agree with and support that, but can't help but think that was probably you're out to NO deal with this nonsense, babe" ------ can't help but agree with her, even though I'd never take back helping my sick father.

I got my own lil heady shit and will fully admit that when between my Dad passing and (for awhile) me and my girl (together since 2011) were "Off," she lost our would've been first child cus of the extended family having some disgusting views about interracial love and we had to be homeless in my car for awhile before I came back to help and seal the deal on OWNING A HOME FINALLY rather than paying someone else's mortgage with renting. - All that to say I let drinking get me for awhile cus I was hurt, felt betrayed by family [not to mention the other goings on in that terrible time] and ofc mourning my father and child.
I wasn't always the most nicest when I was on my shit but I was never disrespectful unless disrespected.
I always been the voice to quell and calm but if it don't stop then yes I'll be the voice to remind yall this isn't fucking happening and you will stop. There is no other option, show some respect.

You just naturally are (disrespectful) for no other reason than you don't know how to handle yourself and your life. Which last I checked isn't an excuse to be shitty to anyone else. She can't even come downstairs from waking up and the dog runs up like "HELLO I MISSED YOU" without her being like "GET BACK I DONT NEED YOU NEAR ME RIGHT NOW" --- this is the dog you got as a confidant to help you cope with losing Dad too. Wtf?

Sorry for the lil rant myself, I spoke to my brother who she spent the night with last night after I finally pulled that card he said he'd talk sense into her cus he was on my side "I know what she's like she is wicked, she has no right talking to people how she does. I'll talk to her" so hopefully that works [It won't] cus last night she tried to play the "THINK ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE GOING THROUGH" card and I was like
"Are you thinking about that when you belittle me and your own mother - you called your own mother that four letter S word you never should even THINK bout your mother, you've wished death on people's girlfriends, told dad you wished he'd die when he was still here and healthy cus he just was too tired to take you to the store on a whim, mocked me when younger and not working, shit on our brother for his fight against addiction (which he beat)...... you're.... just not a good person..."
 
I wish I had a friend. I wish someone cared about me. I wish people didn't use me. Please. Please someone care about my well being. Please someone accept me. I wish to be shown affection. I want someone to be there for me. Please someone care about me. Please someone be my friend. How many nights do I have to spend crying someone help me please is killing myself my only way of finding peace


Anyone else feel like this? Like what’s the point of living if you’re going to be struggling financially and have to work your ass off just to get the bare minimum to not go hungry. Fuck this life

Like I’m already super depressed and on top of all that I have to worry about being able to afford basic necessecities. We’ve advanced so far as a society yet many of us still have so little.


What is even the point of working? What am I living for? I’ve been working this dead end job for 9 years and have nothing to show for it. I have no skills or qualifications. I live with my mother and have absolutely no money and don’t own anything. I can’t drive or afford to.

The weekend comes and I just sit at home alone. I want to go out and maybe have a drink but I can’t do that because I have nothing. I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m a broke loser who can’t do anything for them or afford to have a life with them. The only women I’ve been with I lied to and pretended I was better.

I honestly feel being dead would be better than feeling this bitter, depressed and angry all the time. Poor people shouldn’t have children, I resent my parents for bringing me into such a shitty world.

Hope to have the courage soon
 
Mister Magnus said:
I wish I had a friend. I wish someone cared about me. I wish people didn't use me. Please. Please someone care about my well being. Please someone accept me. I wish to be shown affection. I want someone to be there for me. Please someone care about me. Please someone be my friend. How many nights do I have to spend crying someone help me please is killing myself my only way of finding peace


Anyone else feel like this? Like what’s the point of living if you’re going to be struggling financially and have to work your ass off just to get the bare minimum to not go hungry. Fuck this life

Like I’m already super depressed and on top of all that I have to worry about being able to afford basic necessecities. We’ve advanced so far as a society yet many of us still have so little.


What is even the point of working? What am I living for? I’ve been working this dead end job for 9 years and have nothing to show for it. I have no skills or qualifications. I live with my mother and have absolutely no money and don’t own anything. I can’t drive or afford to.

The weekend comes and I just sit at home alone. I want to go out and maybe have a drink but I can’t do that because I have nothing. I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m a broke loser who can’t do anything for them or afford to have a life with them. The only women I’ve been with I lied to and pretended I was better.

I honestly feel being dead would be better than feeling this bitter, depressed and angry all the time. Poor people shouldn’t have children, I resent my parents for bringing me into such a shitty world.

Hope to have the courage soon
Click to expand...
I was reading recently about a psychiatrist who worked with veterans, especially from the Vietnam War. A veteran he was talking to did... well, I won't darken this space with it. But it was something abominable. And, after enough time, the veteran eventually confessed this to the psychiatrist.

How do you think the psychiatrist reacted? Was he aghast at this horrible, wicked deed? Was he worried about the man's mental state, trying to console him and reduce his guilt? Something else?

I might've expected one of the first two. But I was wrong. He was stunned not at the deed, but that, after doing and experiencing something so horrible, the veteran still confessed with remorse. The vet preserved a sense of right and wrong, since his reluctance to confess and his remorse showed that he knew how wrong his deed was. Maybe, if he abandoned right and wrong, abandoned morality and ethics, the weight of that event would be easier for him to live with, and the guilt and remorse would leave. But he didn't. As the psychiatrist said, with "enormous respect", "His soul was still alive within him."

When I read your post, your pain is not the only thing to come through. Even in the depths of your pain, your care for the welfare of others shines through. You're upset how many people in our modern society have so little, and rightfully so! It is an outrage! When talking about your desire to have a girlfriend, you focus on wanting to provide for them and not lie to them. You care about treating others well. And I'm sure you have not done anything as horrible as that vet. I am confident your soul is still alive in you.

Your soul is what is worth living for. And I pray the pain recedes enough for you to see how much your soul is worth fighting for.

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https://findahelpline.com/ar

If you have moved from Argentina, https://findahelpline.com will help you find support in the country you live in.
 
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Mister Magnus said:
I wish I had a friend. I wish someone cared about me. I wish people didn't use me. Please. Please someone care about my well being. Please someone accept me. I wish to be shown affection. I want someone to be there for me. Please someone care about me. Please someone be my friend. How many nights do I have to spend crying someone help me please is killing myself my only way of finding peace


Anyone else feel like this? Like what’s the point of living if you’re going to be struggling financially and have to work your ass off just to get the bare minimum to not go hungry. Fuck this life

Like I’m already super depressed and on top of all that I have to worry about being able to afford basic necessecities. We’ve advanced so far as a society yet many of us still have so little.


What is even the point of working? What am I living for? I’ve been working this dead end job for 9 years and have nothing to show for it. I have no skills or qualifications. I live with my mother and have absolutely no money and don’t own anything. I can’t drive or afford to.

The weekend comes and I just sit at home alone. I want to go out and maybe have a drink but I can’t do that because I have nothing. I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m a broke loser who can’t do anything for them or afford to have a life with them. The only women I’ve been with I lied to and pretended I was better.

I honestly feel being dead would be better than feeling this bitter, depressed and angry all the time. Poor people shouldn’t have children, I resent my parents for bringing me into such a shitty world.

Hope to have the courage soon
Click to expand...
I have felt this way multiple times in the past and still do from time to time. I wish I could tell you something you can do to immediatly improve to situation, but all I learned was that things will eventually become better aslong as reflect on yourself and prevail. From what I've read, you seem to already have the ability to self reflect, which is invaluable

Also, you may feel alone but there are milions of people who feel similarily. You are never truely alone, there will always be many people that will be able to understand you, and I am sure that you will eventually meet people like this. Prevail, stay strong and it will pass. Something that helped with this was spending time outside and watching animals. Helped me take my mind off and just made me feel better. Maybe this could help you, and if not, just do whatever else you enjoy to make this difficult time easier for yourself

Adeleine That's great advice coming from you. I've never seen things laid out like this. I will think about it when I feel bad again. Thank you
 
i like to carry a lil notebook with me cus i write and like poetry and yada ya, but also jot down thoughts and ideas

a random "voice" lobbed this thought and when i was half tired/half baked from post-work relax the body; it resonated with me so I jotted it down:

the most interesting thing about loss is how it re-defines your mind, love becomes a 4 letter word you'll pick up a sword for if you arent a "aint shit" soul - but will quickly put down if they are (time vs. trust in investment becomes a ruling factor). the reality is loss keeps us humbled and in turn fueled - if for nothing else but honor (to ourselves, those lost, those also dealing with same feelings, etc) - but that soon too will become strength; if you do it right. I won't lie to anyone; life is a series of hugs and punches in the chest, you chose the side you focus on, I know my side.
 
recently refound a girl i went out with and albeit never went DEEP i loved her energy and (calling myself out) she took me saying "I only got card (cus she og wanted to split)" as she needed to pay and me being like "noooooooooo my intention was to pay on my card cus you're cool"
even if we just stay friendly im happy cus that mishap bothers me. since i do believe a man should pay for "the initial interests" dinners at the very least lol. i use to joke to her "i owe you 2 dinners to make that up" - ima sucker for the "quiet until they like someone good girl realm", she was peak that --- now she does tarot card readings and such. so mad that miscommunication made me look stupid smh.
 
my great uncle (Mom's Uncle) passed away last night, he's been a staple around the family get togethers forever.
I didn't have the same level of "Bond" with him as my Mom did (he stepped in as a father figure for her when her's died when she was 18) even knew a younger version of my Dad (Who was still getting into trouble back then, long before he met my Mom) cus he was a cop busting his ass about "I know you're mother, what are you doing rn Billy?" [when they got married he shook my father's hand and gave his blessing]
He had lost his wife and then daughter two months apart back in late 2014-early 2015 and you can tell it hurt him deeply (as it would anyone) he spoke openly about "Why would God allow something like that to happen?" and you can tell he longed to see them again.
Considering what all happened and how it went (infections and such) seemed he wasn't - like tryna "be out" but def didn't wanna "be here." So as sad as the loss is in another way I'm happy for him he's finally able to be with who he wants to again since he's been so hurt by it for so long.

I told my Mom i'll probably take the bereavement time more for her than anyone else cus he meant so much to her, and maybe help her feel a bit better getting shit done she's been wanting to for months.
Me myself I'm just bummed for my Mom more than anything - she'd get so excited anytime he'd stop by and was always all smiles when he was around. So gunna use the time for her and to rest my beat up body (Esp right shoulder).

RIP Uncle Rol.
 
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