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How have your past girlfriend/boyfriend relationships been?
- Thread starter Fishy
- Start date
So you suggest take advice from a fish instead?
I know I'm a bit late, but seriously the worst thing in the world is when a girl finds out a guy likes her, and she doesn't find out from that guy... Especially if you take forever to tell her afterwards, because it makes you look really shitty in a lot of ways. Based on your story it appears she will find out anyway, it helps so much more if she finds out from you. Just tell her... Even if she doesn't feel the same now, if you are a decent guy, most girls will hang out with you and whatever just to see where it goes, but you need to say something first, she can't read your mind.
Anywhere mate, movies, dinner, park of even just chill at your house.
I just got over a fairly short high school relationship in which i had mad crazy feelings for a girl and she broke up with me at the same spot i asked her out. She broke up with me infront of her friends which sucked. Alot.
I just got over a fairly short high school relationship in which i had mad crazy feelings for a girl and she broke up with me at the same spot i asked her out. She broke up with me infront of her friends which sucked. Alot.
@apologies: Movies are good and traditional; they're casual, if things go badly you still get something out of it, and it's a passive experience; getting a meal into it works too.
@Repede: Ouch, that's harsh. Why wouldn't she do it with just the pair of you? My ex at least took me out of the room first.
@Repede: Ouch, that's harsh. Why wouldn't she do it with just the pair of you? My ex at least took me out of the room first.
My luck with romance is, well I don't want to say bad but let's settle for 'comical'. Mostly that h as to do with my mess up though. I remember announcing to my high school crush that I had an undying unyielding love for her, on national radio. Strangely I've yet to receive a restraining order from anyone (well from any scorned would be lovers or actual lovers at any rate.) In more recent times however my last ex (we broke up a year ago) She cheated on me, twice. It would not be so bad but she cheated on me by doing something I was trying to get her to do with me (FxFxM) So that was annoying. I wasn't a perfect bloke myself though I did have a habit of drawing on her with a magic marker. Fun times. Oh this new years I was on a subway with a girl I met at a con a few months back, I kissed her. She kissed me back but then ran off haha. Later she told me it felt 'weird'
I broke up with my girlfriend of ~1.75 years on Friday.
Don't date NYC girls they are stupid. Every girl I've ever met in my life out side of NYC had a great personality. STAY AWAY FROM HERE... 5 years of my life down the fucken shit hole. Oops.. can i curse? lets find out..
As long as you don't go overboard, yes you can.
My first somewhat-relationship was when I was 13. It was middle school so all we ever did was hold hands and hug in-between classes. Then one day, out of the blue he just said "Guess what? I'm in love!... With that girl who sits in front of you in Algebra." So that was the end of that relationship. Not that I really cared... He had a bad haircut anyway. He's still dating her 2 years later and I think he has herpes now or something.
My first serious relationship started back in May '09. He was my best friend since elementary school and I have always had a crush on him. We connected on so many levels and we always had fun together and at the time I was sure he was going to be the guy I was going to marry and be with forever. In our school's yearbook we were deemed 'The Cutest Couple' and whatnot so my hopes were pretty high. Then on Christmas day we were sitting on my couch and he randomly says that he missed the 'good-ole-days' when we were just best friends. He then called me 'awkward' and claimed I didn't care about our relationship because I wasn't one of those clingy girlfriends.
So we broke up and stopped talking for a week. Then we become 'friends' again and he tells me he regretted breaking up with me and pulls the 'I love you and I can't live without you' card. Needless to say, I threw a water bottle at him and told him to get out my house.
Now whenever he tries to talk to me, I just call him awkward and walk away.
My first serious relationship started back in May '09. He was my best friend since elementary school and I have always had a crush on him. We connected on so many levels and we always had fun together and at the time I was sure he was going to be the guy I was going to marry and be with forever. In our school's yearbook we were deemed 'The Cutest Couple' and whatnot so my hopes were pretty high. Then on Christmas day we were sitting on my couch and he randomly says that he missed the 'good-ole-days' when we were just best friends. He then called me 'awkward' and claimed I didn't care about our relationship because I wasn't one of those clingy girlfriends.
So we broke up and stopped talking for a week. Then we become 'friends' again and he tells me he regretted breaking up with me and pulls the 'I love you and I can't live without you' card. Needless to say, I threw a water bottle at him and told him to get out my house.
Now whenever he tries to talk to me, I just call him awkward and walk away.
Errr, not to minimod in any way, but methinks you might need to lurk more. Tangerine poked fun at statements such as the one I bolded in his 1K thread; don't find your way into another one.
Anyways, update on my sordid (lack of a) love life: I hooked up with my former girlfriend over winter break, but things again got nasty when she refused to engage in intercourse. I played it cool at the time, but later I actually confronted her about it. I claimed that she could not profess to care about me without engaging in intercourse, which she was going to obviously do with some other dude (at the time, she was a virgin, physically speaking). She claimed that she did not equate sex with love. I was going to terminate all communication with her, but my therapist warned me against it.
Grrrr, I suppose I should find another mine to tap, so to speak, but finding a solid girl at a nerdy university is easier said than done.
I hear this all the time from young people, especially high schoolers in their first relationship. There's always a lot of teenagey "S/HE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO UNDERSTANDS ME" angst. I think most people have to go through this at some point or another to break through their naivete about love and relationships; you don't really have much idea about anything when you're a teenager.
On the other hand, I took almost the reverse cynical view; I refused to date or ask anyone out in high school, partially because I didn't really develop a libido until the last few years (I'm a bit younger than my cohort anyway), partially because almost all the girls at my school were abhorrent personalities, but the primary reason was because I didn't believe any relationship I started there would last forever, which is what I wanted. So, still very naive.
People are really weird about this, and I don't really get why. Isn't it obvious that people will show love in different ways, and consequently you can't just infer things based on what you see in other people's relationships, or in your naive expectations?
Now, sometimes people want a particular sort of thing from a relationship, and they're right to end it if they're not getting that and the relationship doesn't make them happy, but when it's "You don't behave the way I think girlfriends should", it tends not to be about being with someone as a person (or you'd know that they don't behave like that) and more about having a relationship for relationship's sake, or the status thereby. It's especially bad when it's "I think you should be clingy and supplicating" because that's usually about masculine power fantasy.
Good on you; most people I know, especially high school age, would have taken him back immediately. Gogo independence!
andrea
/me cresselias
Aww.... =( Don't let it get you down.
@Nursie- Okay. Forgive me if I'm doing the math incorrectly, but are you saying that 2 years ago you were 13? So that would make you 15 now... and most likely a freshman... who is already concerned about marriage?!?!? Woah. That's just completely over my head.
I guess there's some desire for the stability and whatnot. In hindsight, I kind of regret not asking people out when I was in High School since I thought they'd never last (and there was a lack of people who were actually interesting to me).
But that's in the past, and I'm not as stuck in my ways now.
How does one deal with trust and worrying?
a) Say my girlfriend has done something stupid that hurt me pretty bad, and I ended up finding out myself rather than by her telling me. She apologizes profusely for it, is honestly sorry, and realizes what she did and how it's messed up the relationship. I know she won't do it again, and I know for a fact that she does truly care about only me and has no feelings for anybody else, but the fact is that it still hurts and I just don't know how to get over it - I can't she how she even did it in the first place (I think this is partially due to the fact that I've never done anything along those lines - never really even considered it - and so the idea of it is just completely strange and unnatural).
b) As for worrying, is there anyway to stop worrying so much when she goes out with friends or things like that? I honestly don't know if it's just me caring for her that much (I honestly feel that I'm in love or close to it with her, though I haven't said it yet and don't plan to until I'm sure) or if I'm just paranoid - most likely a bit of both. I don't know her friends personally, but I do know that some of them are people that I honestly don't like her hanging out with.
Blah.
a) Say my girlfriend has done something stupid that hurt me pretty bad, and I ended up finding out myself rather than by her telling me. She apologizes profusely for it, is honestly sorry, and realizes what she did and how it's messed up the relationship. I know she won't do it again, and I know for a fact that she does truly care about only me and has no feelings for anybody else, but the fact is that it still hurts and I just don't know how to get over it - I can't she how she even did it in the first place (I think this is partially due to the fact that I've never done anything along those lines - never really even considered it - and so the idea of it is just completely strange and unnatural).
b) As for worrying, is there anyway to stop worrying so much when she goes out with friends or things like that? I honestly don't know if it's just me caring for her that much (I honestly feel that I'm in love or close to it with her, though I haven't said it yet and don't plan to until I'm sure) or if I'm just paranoid - most likely a bit of both. I don't know her friends personally, but I do know that some of them are people that I honestly don't like her hanging out with.
Blah.
LOL not all Highschool relationships dissapear there are those highschool sweet heart couples...theyre rare but yeah
And your question is?
If there are friends you don't like her hanging out with, for a legitimate reason (not just "I don't like that person so you shouldn't like them either"), then you should tell her so and the reasons. However, you need to just deal with it because ultimately it's her decision who she spends time with. Worrying is normal, so you don't need to beat yourself up for doing it.
First of all...
That's a lie, or you wouldn't really need to worry about her actions regardless of who she's with.
Secondly, I've had a girl cheat on me and I trusted her not to do it again. She did it again. Since that time, it's never happened with another girlfriend, but I've watched my friends around me and, speaking from experience and what I've seen -if she didn't tell you herself, it will, in all probability, happen again. No one deserves that, and if there's any doubt whatsoever in your mind or heart, get out.
Thirdly, if it was something sexual that she did with someone else and you weren't willing to give it to her, then there's two things to consider here. You should either rethink whether or not you want to engage that kind of relationship with her (that's probably why it happened, if this is the case), and if you decide you don't, the two of you should see other people anyway. If you can't or won't keep a girl sexually satisfied and she is the sort of individual who craves/desires that kind of gratification, she will find it. I learned this the hard way before I thought I was ready for sex. I will say this - if the reason you don't want to engage that sort of relationship isn't spiritual or something along those lines (IE, you just feel like waiting) and you care about this girl at all, I'd suggest starting some sexual interaction. If you're just waiting to be waiting, you're accomplishing nothing and, as long as you're safe and committed, a sexual relationship is immensely rewarding, and the rewards only become greater as the two of you become more experienced and more in tune with one another. However, if this defies your moral compass, you should probably see other people to begin with, since it obviously doesn't defy hers...
Finally, no one deserves that kind of treatment, and you have every right to end the relationship. If you do, though, make it a cool, clean cut. Don't drag things out and delay and piddle and let her talk you into "one more chance" or anything like that. If you make up your mind, don't let her change it. She shouldn't have cheated, and she should realize that.
As for her friends, if you don't like who she's with, tell her. If she's with the boy this happened with, you have every right to say you don't want her with him. As for other friends, you need reasons to ask her not to hang out with them. But you need no justification to simply say you don't like that crowd.
Well what would be the point of a short-term relationship other than "for teh lolz"? At least there's much more of a companionship element in a long-term relationship, because a true friend/lover will not abandon you unless you deserve to be abandoned or he/she is dying.