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- Thread starter dhelmise
- Start date
I lied yall.
After testing using any pronouns for like 8 months ive come to the conclusion that both he and she pronouns being used for me make me very uncomfortable.
So Im nonbinary, they/them only.
Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
wazzaaaap
you never lied, you've just learned something contrary to what you believed before! i think ignorant people will often fling that line of "but you said you were x, you can't just say you're something else now" because those types of people are only ever trying to project a VERSION of you so they treat you a certain way, rather than actually acknowledging you as a person and treating you like you should be treated based on YOUR wants and needs
so don't let yourself tell you that you were somehow dishonest in your journey of self, only we know our own "truths" and it's not dishonest if we're bumbling along until we find it !
Thats right Smogon.com/forums/threads/lgbtq, im trans (mtf.) Now i never thought i was going to like... ever say this and i thought this was a secret going to the fucking grave with me, but here we are. I guess i should explain how i got to this conclusion, huh?
I never considered that being Male was part of me, or that i enjoyed it. I guess i was indifferent? But well for about the last 3 years i started to hate being male and started to experience a state of dysphoria, so thats how i started to kinda realize i was trans. Now covid hitted and the dysphoria hitted like a TRUCK, so i sorta kinda began to act a bit like a girl in online spaces (I made an alternate account, and made friends on that) and that eventually made me realize: I WAS NOT A MAN. I didnt know if i was really a "girl" now or if i was just having a weird phase but i realized this isnt a phase or whatever, this was me. I just didnt want to act like a girl and being treated as one online, i wanted to be one in real life. I realized that about 6 months ago. Ive been hiding that fact until now. So yeah, i can call myself a girlboss now openly. fun
TL;DR: Yas Queen
(oh yeah, she/her pronouns pls, called me Gabriela or Bella, thats what im trying right now but its subject to change)
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Fivell
Banned deucer.
Oh for sure I do! I go entire days where my thoughts revolve entirely around double-guessing my feelings, be it my sexuality, what love truly means and if I'm really in love with people, and whatnot. Just ask my lovelies May and Finland about how obnoxious I can get about that sort of stuff hehe.
The one huge thing I have been learning recently when it comes to handling that sort of heart-shredding doubt is that I don't need to have a definitive answer, because there might not be one. Learning to go with the flow and with what makes you comfortable is the really important part of this whole mess we call feelings. Emphasis on the idea of flow here, as it's also important to acknowledge that emotions and feelings aren't set in stone, they're not a mathematical constant. Some days you may feel very attracted to men, or to women, or to specific people, and others much less. That's a very natural thing. I understand why one might find it terrifying, as it can be perceived as a lack of control - and in a way, it is. It's also the reason it's very easy to question everything you know about yourself.
The other thing that's helped me is just gaining overall experience with relationships. Thoughts and speculations are only worth so much in the face of previous experiences. They help getting a grasp on reality when my thoughts go haywire.
I don't know how to wrap this up but uh, while it may not be much, I hope these small pieces of advice help you.
I ended up coming out later in life, about 23 to be specific. I'm a trans female and I'm glad to see that so many people feel like they can come out so freely in these times cause around the time I was growing up the trans movement had zero visibility and being gay was even more controversial than it is today. Coming out actually wasn't the hard part because I messaged some of my family members saying I would prefer them to think of me more of as a daughter/sister rather than a son and a brother. There was some resistance initially from my two sisters more so than my parents, including my 65 year old boomer dad. I worked a lot with a therapist I connected with at a local mental health facility & she and I talked some deal about being called slurs in high school and other fun topics.
I'm kind of glad I've survived it all cause there were times I was quite suicidal and to some degree I came to hate the people around me.
I'm kind of glad I've survived it all cause there were times I was quite suicidal and to some degree I came to hate the people around me.
short answer - yes, everyone feels this way.
long answer - yes! it doesnt matter how supportive our families are of us coming out/transitions/etc, lgbtq hatred is such a large part of society that we see it everywhere, even if inadvertantly. for example, the situation in the United states. even if someone isnt directly affected by it (say, a trans person from europe) the hatred towards people exactly the same as them is something that they will cling onto and remember, even though they arent the ones in the troubled situations. big things like this, and even small things like one of your friends saying "thats so gay bro" to you, makes feelings about gender and identity have a stigma, and a struggle in which being one of those things is a struggle that you have to hide and not be so sure about. the number one thing that we need to remember is how important it is to trust ourselves, as in situations like these (and like yours) you are the only person who knows how you feel, and who you are attracted to.
just wanted to say i finally came out to my irls as bi. feels very good to just have them be ok with that. also i think this is my first time mentioning that im bi on forums so uhhhh yeah i am !!!
Belated happy pride month! I came out to my (dorms) neighbor today! Hopefully someday I'll be able to come out to my friends too...
Do you usually test the waters to check if they're homo/trans/queerphobic? How do you usually go for it ?
Do you usually test the waters to check if they're homo/trans/queerphobic? How do you usually go for it ?
This shouldn't be surprising, for the most
I've got something I'd like to talk about
I usually write poems in my posts
So here's a sonnet for my coming out!
I'm proud to say that I'm not only Ace
But Aro too! I love my sunset pride
I am now ready for a change of pace
And I will not be shoved off to the side.
I've never had a crush, and lust is weird
So it's been hard to truly find a home.
Everyone just says the things I feared:
What make us us are those two things alone.
So no, I'd rather not go on a date
Except on April first. You'll have to wait.
I've got something I'd like to talk about
I usually write poems in my posts
So here's a sonnet for my coming out!
I'm proud to say that I'm not only Ace
But Aro too! I love my sunset pride
I am now ready for a change of pace
And I will not be shoved off to the side.
I've never had a crush, and lust is weird
So it's been hard to truly find a home.
Everyone just says the things I feared:
What make us us are those two things alone.
So no, I'd rather not go on a date
Except on April first. You'll have to wait.
Hey all! This is the essay kind of thing (which will mostly be me rambling but hey, who cares), so if reading that kind of stuff is not your schtick, I'll save you the time.
As it may be someone's first time hearing about aromanticism and asexuality, lemme give a quick explanation.
Some aros don't mind it, some do, some are like me and only mind when it gets shoved in my face, others don't give a darn. We're all people, bro. If you're worried about making someone uncomfy, just talk to them and ask for their boundaries.
I can't tell you how many times I've gotten the "lmao you're not old enough yet" or "you COULDN'T have never have had a crush. EVERYONE has crushes" or "love is the human emotion, if you can't love you're a robot and you're not a robot haha" kind of jokes. Respectfully, just don't. Thanks. Aros are already erased enough, even by LGBTQ+ communities. Because haha, you don't have to be asexual to be aromantic - think of this as viewing everyone as one-night-stands.
Oh, also, the word "aromantic" (as of this post) is STILL not recognized by most online sources (mmm i hate that dotted red line telling me i meant aromatic. i may smell nice but wrong word, autocorrect! also, i am definitely NOT "a romantic"). If you don't believe me, go to Insta, type out #lgbt, #lgbtq, #asexual, #trans, #gay, #lesbian, #pride and look at those beautiful custom rainbows over the letters. Oh, and then type out #aromantic and stare at nothing.
Regarding being ace, thanks to the work of a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community, I've been fortunate enough to not have been put in a position where I've been expected to have sex, mostly because I've only really "dated" twice. One was in 3rd grade (lmao), and one who I truly regret having to come out as aro to, who never asked for it.
Otherwise, this post has already gotten long enough. I hope you enjoyed my sonnet (i thought it would be comedy gold to use a format meant for love as a way to say lmao imagine falling in love) and I hope you learned something new/had a good review in reading this ramble session.
Happy Pride, and I hope you have a great rest of your day!
As it may be someone's first time hearing about aromanticism and asexuality, lemme give a quick explanation.
- People on the aromantic spectrum (commonly abbreviated as aros [pronounced "arrows"]) don't feel some degree of romantic attraction towards others. For me? I'm completely aromantic, so I just don't romance. I've never had a crush, questioned why kissing was practical (as you can spread quite the number of diseases by putting one mouth on another mouth), always made jokes about how lead characters falling for each other happens everywhere in movies (usually chanting KISS KISS KISS when their faces are close to each other, and then after seeing them kiss, looking away like eeewwwwww wait i didn't mean actually kiss), and have asked my parents numerous times why
- People on the asexual spectrum (commonly abbreviated as aces) don't feel some degree of sexual attraction towards others. For me, this means I have 0 concept of the term "lust." It just never made sense to me. I've known it was one of the "seven deadly sins," but I've always looked at supposedly hot people like "bruh they're just wearing too much makeup" or "that photoshop is off with proportions here, here, and here." I just view all people as people.
- Hit shuffle on all of your Spotify liked songs. Within the first 3 songs, there will probably be someone singing about a loved one, how pretty they are, how good they are at doing the birdsbeesthing, or being salty about an ex.
- Open a new tab, and go to a site with a crap ton of ads (such as Bulbapedia). Look at said ads, and wait 30 seconds. How many of them have something like "hot celebrity divorces" or "find cute chicks near you" or "this dating sim is very very cool"?
- Look at the games you have in your STEAM library. How many of them have romance options?
- Open up Netflix/Hulu/whatever you watch TV on nowadays. Check your top 5 most recent shows. How many have some form of romance between 2+ characters?
- Think back to your school days. When (the dreaded) February 14th rolled around, were you encouraged/forced to write Valentine's Day cards to the classmates you liked?
- Have you ever been asked if you liked someone? Like, like liked someone?
Some aros don't mind it, some do, some are like me and only mind when it gets shoved in my face, others don't give a darn. We're all people, bro. If you're worried about making someone uncomfy, just talk to them and ask for their boundaries.
I can't tell you how many times I've gotten the "lmao you're not old enough yet" or "you COULDN'T have never have had a crush. EVERYONE has crushes" or "love is the human emotion, if you can't love you're a robot and you're not a robot haha" kind of jokes. Respectfully, just don't. Thanks. Aros are already erased enough, even by LGBTQ+ communities. Because haha, you don't have to be asexual to be aromantic - think of this as viewing everyone as one-night-stands.
Oh, also, the word "aromantic" (as of this post) is STILL not recognized by most online sources (mmm i hate that dotted red line telling me i meant aromatic. i may smell nice but wrong word, autocorrect! also, i am definitely NOT "a romantic"). If you don't believe me, go to Insta, type out #lgbt, #lgbtq, #asexual, #trans, #gay, #lesbian, #pride and look at those beautiful custom rainbows over the letters. Oh, and then type out #aromantic and stare at nothing.
Regarding being ace, thanks to the work of a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community, I've been fortunate enough to not have been put in a position where I've been expected to have sex, mostly because I've only really "dated" twice. One was in 3rd grade (lmao), and one who I truly regret having to come out as aro to, who never asked for it.
Otherwise, this post has already gotten long enough. I hope you enjoyed my sonnet (i thought it would be comedy gold to use a format meant for love as a way to say lmao imagine falling in love) and I hope you learned something new/had a good review in reading this ramble session.
Happy Pride, and I hope you have a great rest of your day!
Shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me, but figured I'd also "come out" as biromantic/panromantic anyways.
Sappy stuff but there's this person in my life who really inspires me at the moment, we text fairly regularly and he makes me really happy. This comes off a fairly poor streak of people in my life who developed an interest in me, and also a bit of a reckless phase I had dating-wise. I'm over that, though. Haven't popped the question yet + there's the matter of this being an LDR, but for this person, I'd love to do an LDR. It's worth it. Perfectly content with just being friends, though, but I'll see how it unfolds :)
I fully recognized, accepted and understood I wasn't fully straight romantic-wise around 2019 when I realized that wow, I'd actually date someone who isn't a girl, but that confused me because I liked girls and so I wasn't gay. I was hesitant to put the label on it originally because at the time I was in this headspace of not wanting to say I like everyone, because to me that just sounded weird for some reason. I liked guys on and off since then, but it wasn't until late 2020 where I was like "yeah ok, this label sorta describes me." From there, I sorta kept it private because I had instances in the past where people who are still currently in my life (not by choice) would call me an f word just out of pure malice, and in my head it was just like, "wow, if they'd call me that without knowing, imagine how people would treat me if they knew." But earlier this year, I started being more open about it and decided that those people can go fuck themselves since they don't have anyone else! My sexuality and romantic orientation is amazing and lets me like the person regardless of their body. That's amazing. I'm so proud of it, and while I won't go around broadcasting it, I'm ready to work this into conversation as a part of meeting people because relationships are a very prevalent thing, so why should straight people get to talk about this for free while I can't?
That's all, thx for read, as always feel free to reach out with any questions. No guarantee I'll answer them since I suck at texting, but the offer is there!
Sappy stuff but there's this person in my life who really inspires me at the moment, we text fairly regularly and he makes me really happy. This comes off a fairly poor streak of people in my life who developed an interest in me, and also a bit of a reckless phase I had dating-wise. I'm over that, though. Haven't popped the question yet + there's the matter of this being an LDR, but for this person, I'd love to do an LDR. It's worth it. Perfectly content with just being friends, though, but I'll see how it unfolds :)
I fully recognized, accepted and understood I wasn't fully straight romantic-wise around 2019 when I realized that wow, I'd actually date someone who isn't a girl, but that confused me because I liked girls and so I wasn't gay. I was hesitant to put the label on it originally because at the time I was in this headspace of not wanting to say I like everyone, because to me that just sounded weird for some reason. I liked guys on and off since then, but it wasn't until late 2020 where I was like "yeah ok, this label sorta describes me." From there, I sorta kept it private because I had instances in the past where people who are still currently in my life (not by choice) would call me an f word just out of pure malice, and in my head it was just like, "wow, if they'd call me that without knowing, imagine how people would treat me if they knew." But earlier this year, I started being more open about it and decided that those people can go fuck themselves since they don't have anyone else! My sexuality and romantic orientation is amazing and lets me like the person regardless of their body. That's amazing. I'm so proud of it, and while I won't go around broadcasting it, I'm ready to work this into conversation as a part of meeting people because relationships are a very prevalent thing, so why should straight people get to talk about this for free while I can't?
That's all, thx for read, as always feel free to reach out with any questions. No guarantee I'll answer them since I suck at texting, but the offer is there!
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hey, so i need some help. how do i come out to my family as bi? i'm confident that they'll accept me, i just cant get over my nerves.
In situations where I'm nervous, in general, I just accept that I am indeed nervous and go along. Denial makes it worse.
Yes, it is scary and there is nothing that you can do about it. So, might as well just go ahead and do it, especially knowing there will be no backlash.
Hey there. Haven't post here since almost one year and a half so heres a quick update.
Still pansexual af, I went for the first time to the pride walk in Nantes (France) with a friend and that was genuinely great. People were so nice during the whole event, haven't seen any run-in or issue, just joy and love. Everything was great, we were almost 13k, I'm looking forward the next one. Also I did my coming-out about my panseuxality to my parents and as excepted they accepted it without any issue !
Happy pride month to your all, take care of yourself + heres our LGBT colors painted stairs in Nantes !
Still pansexual af, I went for the first time to the pride walk in Nantes (France) with a friend and that was genuinely great. People were so nice during the whole event, haven't seen any run-in or issue, just joy and love. Everything was great, we were almost 13k, I'm looking forward the next one. Also I did my coming-out about my panseuxality to my parents and as excepted they accepted it without any issue !
Happy pride month to your all, take care of yourself + heres our LGBT colors painted stairs in Nantes !
Huh. I didn't think I'd be here again anytime soon. I have posted here before, but in all honesty I can't remember where my post was or what it was about. Better late than never, I suppose.
Okay, so. First and foremost, happy pride month, all of you. This user said it better than I could:
So here's the situation at hand. Despite my identification, I have yet to be and am very far from committing to my first true "relationship" of romantic nature. My reasons are twofold. The first and more pressing issue is that some of the grown men I've had the dishonor of watching in public can be... well, not the best people to hang out with if you're a female. Make of this what you will. It's honestly gotten to a point where even if I wasn't straight, I'd still not be interested in the male identity for this reason, because if I'm being perfectly honest, I feel embarrassed as a young man that some of us act the ways we do with women. The second issue is that, despite my age, I've never really been that interested in wanting to be in a relationship to begin with. Sure, there's the embarrassment factor of "I'm this old and have yet to have ever dated someone", but other than this issue that isn't even that big of an issue, there's nothing stopping me from being perfectly content with the fact I am and will likely continue to be single despite my straight identification and age group. Living as more and more of an autistic introvert has only caused this level of content to grow, but that's more of a topic for the neurodiversity thread.
The question I have for you guys, is what would this fall under the umbrella of? Again, I'm not the most educated on your community, but I figured that maybe I could get some extra opinions on this. Who knows?
Okay, so. First and foremost, happy pride month, all of you. This user said it better than I could:
I myself am not a part of this community. I have my own choices and preferences I've made, and I would not want to become one of those people who become... what's the word? "Homophobic"? News flash to the high number of double-standard conservatives I grew up around- personal identity is only one part of a person's life. In any case, this isn't why I'm here. The actual reason I'm here is because me, a young man who identifies as straight, needs your help possibly identifying a unique situation I find myself in. Quite frankly, I didn't know where else to post about this, and from what I've been able to observe, most of you in the LGBTQ+ community are much nicer people than what some of my "peers" might suspect at first. I'm not the most educated in this area, so I appreciate any kind of insight I can get here.
So here's the situation at hand. Despite my identification, I have yet to be and am very far from committing to my first true "relationship" of romantic nature. My reasons are twofold. The first and more pressing issue is that some of the grown men I've had the dishonor of watching in public can be... well, not the best people to hang out with if you're a female. Make of this what you will. It's honestly gotten to a point where even if I wasn't straight, I'd still not be interested in the male identity for this reason, because if I'm being perfectly honest, I feel embarrassed as a young man that some of us act the ways we do with women. The second issue is that, despite my age, I've never really been that interested in wanting to be in a relationship to begin with. Sure, there's the embarrassment factor of "I'm this old and have yet to have ever dated someone", but other than this issue that isn't even that big of an issue, there's nothing stopping me from being perfectly content with the fact I am and will likely continue to be single despite my straight identification and age group. Living as more and more of an autistic introvert has only caused this level of content to grow, but that's more of a topic for the neurodiversity thread.
The question I have for you guys, is what would this fall under the umbrella of? Again, I'm not the most educated on your community, but I figured that maybe I could get some extra opinions on this. Who knows?
well first of all this isn’t the sort of thing we (or anyone, for that matter) can prescribe. maybe you’re some kind of ace maybe you’re straight maybe it’s something else entirely like it was for me. labeling yourself is up to you.
probably my best recommendation would be to find people in a similar spot i guess? some of my closest friends are straight guys who care deeply about respecting the feelings of women, so if you find people like that try getting to know them better. the pokepride discord is also open for allies & questioning people, most of the time we talk about either silly stuff or Serious Social Issues but the users in there tend to be good at answering questions. (edit: you can also pm me on discord city#0310) just see what vibes with you i guess.
there’s no rush to figure any of this out, take as long as you need, it’s your life.
also happy pride everyone lol
Heatrans Rights
Banned deucer.
Hi everyone!
I'm new here and am in the process of transitioning M2F. I just started HRT and could not be more excited!! Would love to make some great memories on here and meet some cool people. Let's get to know each other friends!
I'm new here and am in the process of transitioning M2F. I just started HRT and could not be more excited!! Would love to make some great memories on here and meet some cool people. Let's get to know each other friends!
my guy, I’ve seen you post this in a couple different threads… just use the advanced search feature when Cong is open, type your name in, and click search. it‘ll pull up all your posts so you can jog that memory of yours and not walk around this place in a constant haze. hope this helps
based on the description of your “situation,” the question is difficult to discern. if you have yet to experience a romantic attraction toward anyone, I can understand how that might seem like you’re “behind” or stand out from other straight guys, but it’s a totally normal thing. there’ve been some great posts on aromantics/asexuality in this thread, maybe you fall under one of those umbrellas.bdt2002 said:
I will flag something about your approach, because you refer to women as “females” which can be offputting for a lot of women. I also recommend not putting so much focus on how you think women will perceive your behavior toward them and just… be yourself? act like someone who you would want to be friends with, and people will naturally gravitate either toward or away from you without you having to filter yourself.
basically if you’re not a dick toward women, they’ll probably pick up on it pretty quickly lol
was this the first year Nantes had a Pride walk?? 13k people is a lot for a first-timer venue, and glad you enjoyed itHey there. Haven't post here since almost one year and a half so heres a quick update.
Still pansexual af, I went for the first time to the pride walk in Nantes (France) with a friend and that was genuinely great. People were so nice during the whole event, haven't seen any run-in or issue, just joy and love. Everything was great, we were almost 13k, I'm looking forward the next one. Also I did my coming-out about my panseuxality to my parents and as excepted they accepted it without any issue !
Happy pride month to your all, take care of yourself + heres our LGBT colors painted stairs in Nantes !
my own Pride experiences (the music festival at West Hollywood Pride, Hollywood Pride last weekend…) have been a damn whirlwind, so I’m taking the rest of June to chill out and recover lest my liver disintegrate on the spot
happy Pride x
I don't think so but last 2 years were kinda akward due to covid-19. 2020 Pride was basically canceled because of it (since we weren't allowed to do large meetups of people) and 2021 Pride was quite limited for the same reason. So this was basically the first real Pride since covid so people were quite motivated to do the whole event !
I found this quick video which shows some footages from the Pride :]
It appears as though I’ve caused a bit of confusion here. I’d like to apologize for that for one, and while I’m at it I’d also like to apologize for that part about referring to women as “females”, as was pointed out. I think what I was trying to say there was anyone who carries a female identity with them. Regardless of what a person calls themself, I don’t have any plans on treating them badly.my guy, I’ve seen you post this in a couple different threads… just use the advanced search feature when Cong is open, type your name in, and click search. it‘ll pull up all your posts so you can jog that memory of yours and not walk around this place in a constant haze. hope this helps
based on the description of your “situation,” the question is difficult to discern. if you have yet to experience a romantic attraction toward anyone, I can understand how that might seem like you’re “behind” or stand out from other straight guys, but it’s a totally normal thing. there’ve been some great posts on aromantics/asexuality in this thread, maybe you fall under one of those umbrellas.
I will flag something about your approach, because you refer to women as “females” which can be offputting for a lot of women. I also recommend not putting so much focus on how you think women will perceive your behavior toward them and just… be yourself? act like someone who you would want to be friends with, and people will naturally gravitate either toward or away from you without you having to filter yourself.
basically if you’re not a dick toward women, they’ll probably pick up on it pretty quickly lol
I do appreciate the help and would like to re-iterate that my strange posts here are partially to blame on the kind of environment I grew up in. Saying things in the way I do has become more of a force of habit that anything else, and I get that sometimes that might not be the best outcome.
Hi I'm coming out of the closet in front of my friends now wish me luck thanks.