Challenge The Scramble Challenge - Mark 2

Reserving for Jimera. One MVP coming up (I love giving easy challanges after really hard challanges).

EDIT: Jimera, take Shout the Nidoran-M. Shout just loves the song "You make me wanna shout", and such wants to spread it around the world, so every time he KOs a pokemon, you get to sing (or think) "You make me wanna _____" (you can pick pretty much any word there). Now, with that done, he also loves POWER, and such must learn Horn Drill and 1 TM move. Solo Koga, and your rival once. Also, he can evolve after you catch 2 team members, and again as soon as you get the Moon Stone. Finally, always keep 1 status move, and use it at least once during each solo. Enjoy! (if you REALLY hate the singing/thinking one, I'll change it.)

EDIT 2: Oh, I almost forgot. That TM move, it must be RNGed/ under 60 BP. Take your pick. Also, if you want to, Shout must always be in your party with one of your other scramblemons.

EDIT 3: Sorry for all the edits, but I just realized that KS and waterwarrior and I all have confilicting challanges. KS and water both have you solo the rival's starter (KS one other too), and me the entire team once. To solve this problem(somewhat), choose any other gym leader to solo instead, or just do it before you evolve either of the others (if you can.) No matter what, enjoy!
Jimera0, I would like to know what moveset that Random ends up with :D

Lady Luck will either be a friend or foe in this Challange

@Ax: I had edited my earlier challange


You don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Alright, everyone is accepted, but I need to know where to find an RNG for a couple of these :P

And now for the ever present questions!

KS: for the die rolling one, that's referring to Gyrados' level up moves correct? And do you include the "Start" ones as well? *Checks Bulbapedia* Oh wait it only HAS 6 level up moves. Nice, I see what you did there. Anyway, I need to know one other thing; am I limited ONLY to the moves that I get randomly, or can I use other moves until I am able to obtain them? (Example being the HMs; clearly I won't get those until long after he evolves, so will I be able to use another move in it's place until then?).

Gamer40000: No questions, pretty straightforward. I'll be needing a lot of TMs for it to get it to evolve... Yeah that'll be a rough one.

Axmaster: LOL I am so going to write up the "You make me wanna ____" for important KOs. For the TM move, can I RNG it first then decide whether I want to go with the RNG'd move or one below 60BP, or do I have to pick one or the other before I roll? And as for the "Always in your party" thing, I'm just going to drop it since it's pointless and probably never going to come up anyway.

Alright I think that's it for now. I just need two more then I can start!
I'll be needing a lot of TMs for it to get it to evolve... Yeah that'll be a rough one.
You only need 3 TMs, and you can evolve by Lt. Surge. Really, you are going to have Bubblebeam/Water Gun, Thunder/bolt, Normal-type move replaced with Slash after evolution, and Rest/Toxic. You get Bubblebeam after Misty, Thunderbolt after Lt.Surge, and Rest on the SS. Anne.


You don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Alright, so Random the Gyarados' moveset will be:

Bide (FUCK!)
My choice

Well shit. That could not have gone much worse had I tried. Bide and Leer? Seriously? Lady luck hates me...

Anyway, I still need two more Pokemon and for Axmaster to clarify a little for me.
Jimera0, take Bud the Bulbasaur

Bud doesn't like anything that is unnatural, thus Bud can only learn Poison-, Grass-, and Normal-type attacks. Bud can also only learn 1 TM move, and no HM moves. Also, Bud loves to inflict indirect damage, thus it must learn a move that does indirect damage ASAP, and must always have exactly 1 attack that does indirect damage. He must also have at least 1 other non attacking move on him at all times. Bud must evolve 5 levels after the level it would normally level up, as Bud likes to take his time and wants to live young as long as possible. (in example, instead of evolving to Ivysaur at level 16, it would evolve at level 21. Press B to stop evolution when it tries to evolve)


You don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Bud the Bulbasaur is accepted, looking pretty useful. Leech Seed is always useful! It's just a shame I can't combine it with Toxic to abuse the bug associated with it... ah well. I'm sure I'll figure out some good tricks anyway :P

Just one more people, then I can start.


A distant memory
is a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnus
Jimera0 gets a Zubat. As a Zubat, not much happens, but you do need to evolve it at the earliest possible moment...Before you enter the Rock Tunnel...When you get your Golbat, you realise something is incredibly wrong with it, for unlike any other Golbat, this one has...A tongue! How can a harmless Zubat become something so horrible...
Growing a tongue, of course, has some massive implications. It's hindered it so much that it cannot use Leech Life, Bite, & Mega Drain, as the tongue makes it impossible for it to even get its fangs close to the prey. Next having the tongue makes it very angry Pokemon & forces it to be brutal all the time, so it cannot use any non-attacking moves, & you may not use items while it is on the field (Doesn't stop you from switching it out first...), & because you want hard, its tongue wants it to kill shady characters, forcing it to solo Blaine. Lastly, because of its Tongue, it must be at least the third highest leveled member on your team at all times.
Name it TongueTied.

Have fun.


You don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Accepted IAR, though I suspect that you've just handed me an LVP. Also, did you not know that Golbat is FREQUENTLY depicted with a huge tongue? SO I'm just going to assume you mean an insanely oversized tongue. yeah that'll do.

So that's everything. I'll be starting later on, and I'll make a post with updates and link it to my signature once I get to that. Right now I need to eat and take out the garbage.


You don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Alright everyone, this is going to be the base post for my hard difficulty Blue Scramble Challange! This post will be linked to in my compendium and signature, and will be where all my updates are posted. Keep an eye out as I intend on updating regularly!

The Team:

From waterwarrior:

Jimera, take Screentime the Pidgey. As the name implies, its still pissed that Ash's Pidgeotto didn't get enough screen time. It must evolve into Pidgeotto during your first trip through Viridian Forest, i.e., once you go on, you can't come out until Ash evolves. As a Pidgeotto, the fun begins.
-Solo every Trainer-owned Pikachu/Raichu, Caterpie line, Mankey line, and the Krabby you see (including Lt. Surge's), as they all stole its fucking screen time.
-Solo your rival's starter whenever possible
-It must have one status move at all times
-It can only evolve after learning Mirror Move at lvl 49
-It must have one TM move whever possible
-Solo Misty, because the bastard Pikachu stole that rightful honor from him.

From King Serperior:

Buy Random the Magikarp and evolve it ASAP. Once it evolves, roll a 6-sided die. What you get is what Level up move Random gets. 1 is the first Level up move and so on. (Got Leer...)

Flip a coin: If heads - Strength. If tails - Surf (Got Surf)

Go to a RNG and input 21: Whatever number comes out, Look down the TM list from the top that Random can learn and follow that until you reach the move that matches the result. (EX. If you get 12, teach it Tbolt) (Got BIDE *Headdesk*)

The last move is your choice.

Solo Giovanni, your rival's first and second non-starter poke every time (after you evolve), and Bruno. Have fun :D (Yes I corrected your horrible spelling :P be happy I left the terrible grammar intact)

From gamer40000:

Jimera0, take TheRainbow the Meowth!

This Meowth can only evolve once all his moves are of different types. Then, his moveset after evolving has to have different types all around, except for Slash, which takes up the space of your likely Normal-type move. He must solo Lorelei, because she is interfering with TheRainbow's spying. He must also solo half of Blue's team.

Have fun! (Spying? What spying *does not get possible reference*)

From Axmaster68:

Reserving for Jimera. One MVP coming up (I love giving easy challanges after really hard challanges).

EDIT: Jimera, take Shout the Nidoran-M. Shout just loves the song "You make me wanna shout", and such wants to spread it around the world, so every time he KOs a pokemon, you get to sing (or think) "You make me wanna _____" (you can pick pretty much any word there). Now, with that done, he also loves POWER, and such must learn Horn Drill and 1 TM move. Solo Koga, and your rival once. Also, he can evolve after you catch 2 team members, and again as soon as you get the Moon Stone. Finally, always keep 1 status move, and use it at least once during each solo. Enjoy! (if you REALLY hate the singing/thinking one, I'll change it.)

EDIT 2: Oh, I almost forgot. That TM move, it must be RNGed/ under 60 BP. Take your pick. Also, if you want to, Shout must always be in your party with one of your other scramblemons. (Not sure which I’ll do yet, will decide when the time comes)

EDIT 3: Sorry for all the edits, but I just realized that KS and waterwarrior and I all have confilicting challanges. KS and water both have you solo the rival's starter (KS one other too), and me the entire team once. To solve this problem(somewhat), choose any other gym leader to solo instead, or just do it before you evolve either of the others (if you can.) No matter what, enjoy!(Might solo Rival very first time I encounter him, but failing that there’s always Erika)

From The Reptile:

Jimera0, take Bud the Bulbasaur

Bud doesn't like anything that is unnatural, thus Bud can only learn Poison-, Grass-, and Normal-type attacks. Bud can also only learn 1 TM move, and no HM moves. Also, Bud loves to inflict indirect damage, thus it must learn a move that does indirect damage ASAP, and must always have exactly 1 attack that does indirect damage. He must also have at least 1 other non attacking move on him at all times. Bud must evolve 5 levels after the level it would normally level up, as Bud likes to take his time and wants to live young as long as possible. (in example, instead of evolving to Ivysaur at level 16, it would evolve at level 21. Press B to stop evolution when it tries to evolve)

From Its A Random:

Jimera0 gets a Zubat. As a Zubat, not much happens, but you do need to evolve it at the earliest possible moment...Before you enter the Rock Tunnel...When you get your Golbat, you realise something is incredibly wrong with it, for unlike any other Golbat, this one has...A tongue! How can a harmless Zubat become something so horrible...
Growing a tongue, of course, has some massive implications. It's hindered it so much that it cannot use Leech Life, Bite, & Mega Drain, as the tongue makes it impossible for it to even get its fangs close to the prey. Next having the tongue makes it very angry Pokemon & forces it to be brutal all the time, so it cannot use any non-attacking moves, & you may not use items while it is on the field (Doesn't stop you from switching it out first...), & because you want hard, its tongue wants it to kill shady characters, forcing it to solo Blaine. Lastly, because of its Tongue, it must be at least the third highest leveled member on your team at all times.
Name it TongueTied.

Have fun. (omitting the last part b/c that’s level based and when I said no level restrictions that is exactly what I meant.)

The Updates:

Well hey there everyone! I decided that it was time I delved into the realms of nostalgia and played the game where it all started! (Well one of the two... in North America anyway). That’s right, I’m playing Blue version (On my decade and a half old Gameboy Pocket too!). For extra lulz, I asked for challanges that are a little harder than usual and it seems people delivered. This isn’t going to be an insanely difficult challange, but it will still be my hardest yet. Without further ado, let’s begin shall we?

*watches nostalgic opening cinematic*
Yes, a Jigglypuff vs. a Gengar. What an epically fair fight...

*Selects New Game*
Hello there Professor Oak! Damn, your sprite looks grouchy. You forget your coffee this morning?

Well anyway, my name is Jimera, the same as always old man. You seem to forget every time I meet you...

And you still can’t remember the name of your own grandson... *sigh*. This time I’ll be nice and give him his real name instead of calling him Derp. Your grandson’s name is Blue you old nitwad. B-L-U-E. It’s not that goddamn hard to remember!

*Familiar shrinking feeling*

And boom! Just like that I’m in the most pixelated house known to mankind. Damn, does the screen ever blur when you move... this is going to take some time for my eyes to get used to. No backlighting either :S. And the Pocket is so freakin’ tiny! Well I had better get used to it... there’s only what, 70 hours of gameplay ahead?

Lol there’s an SNES in here. Guess that just shows this game’s age...

Oh a Potion in my PC you say? Well I don’t mind if I do *swipes it*

*Mom goes on about how TV told her all boys leave home someday*
Well I guess that line was just a holdover from the old days then... Gamefreak values nostalgia more than common sense. Good to know I’m in good hands.

Holy shit, was there endless swathes of tall grass just outside of Pallet Town in LeafGreen too? Damn, it’s kind of intimidating... Those bizarre cylindrical fence pillars must be holding back a lot of wild Pokemon.

Well I know what to do here now then... Into the tall grass, so I can startle a wild Pokemon Professor!
“It’s unsafe! Wild Pokemon live in tall grass!”
Ah the classics.

You all know the drill. He takes me to his lab and I pick Bud the Bulbasaur up, ready to go kick some ass! And the first ass I kick is Blue’s in a fierce war of scratches, growls and tackles. Enthralling.

Well, time to play delivery boy and bring Oak his Parcel. No, I haven’t made it to Viridian yet. I don’t have to. I just played LeafGreen and this is the first video game I ever owned. You can bet I know this shit by now.

Pidgey have black, unfeeling eyes in this game.

*Scarred for life*

Oh and Gust is normal type. Freaky, I know.

*A couple Rattata and Pidgey later*
*Bud learned Leech Seed!*
Epic! There’s one requirement filled already!

*Collects a free Potion before booking it into Viridian*
Alright, I’m just going to go straight to the Pokemart after healing. We’ll do the exploring when I get back here with a Pokedex.

Oh the nostalgia! The Pokemon Centers of old, with the healing on the left side of the building instead of in the center. So many memories...

*Quick trip later*
Blah blah, here’s your package, blah blah take the Pokedex and do my work for me, blah blah free at last! Let’s grab a Town Map from Blue’s sister and then get the hell out of here! It’s time to catch Screentime! But first I need some Pokeballs... to the Pokemart I go then!

*Buys a few Antidote and some Pokeballs*

Alright, might as well take a look around town while I’m here...

No, I don’t give a damn about the caterpillar Pokemon, no I don’t give a shit about the information at the Pokemon school I already know, nickname guy is here and I don’t give a shit, the gym is locked and... Oh no. The Pokemon catching tutorial D:

Wait. It’s OPTIONAL? HOLY SHIT AND THEY CHANGED THAT IN SUBSEQUENT INSTALLMENTS WHY? I’m speechless. I can only worship this old man for not being a total asshole like every other catching tutor in the Pokemon series ever.

WELL enough of that. I have two team members to catch! Screentime and Shout are both in the immediate area, so I guess I had better get to catching the two of them now shouldn’t I?

*Screentime is easily caught in around 20 seconds*
Well that was easy! Now for Shout... with only a 5% encounter rate, this is likely to take a while. Well not to worry, I can catch more shit for my Pokedex (I’ll need entries so I can get items!) while I’m looking for him. I just have to be careful not to go too far and activate the rival battle...

*a Rattata and a Nidoran-F are caught and Sand-Attack is gained by Screentime. Still no Nidoran-M*
Well it’s a damn good thing I need to grind anyway, because this would be excruciating otherwise...

*A little while later*
OH YES! IT’S A NI-Spearow. It’s a Spearow. Well I guess I’ll catch it for the dex... damn that is one wicked looking beak.

*Later still*
*Catches it*
Oh thank lord, I thought for sure that I’d crit it. Welcome to the team Shout! Now I got to grind you up so you can solo my Rival and get your shit out of the way early. That’s right, it’s grindin’ time!
(not that I haven’t been grinding already).

*after a bunch more grinding everyone is at level 10 and Shout learns Horn Attack*
Alright, good stuff. Horn Attack just flat out wastes shit at this point in the game. Now I think it’s time for the first solo of the game, don’t you? Here I come Blue... I hope you’re ready (well actually no, I hope you’re unprepared and weak as shit).

Alright, so here’s the plan. I go up to him, and Shout is all like “I got this, leave this bitch to me” and then he stabs everything up the anus with Horn Attack. Sometimes the simplest strategies are the best ones.

So anyway, Blue informs me, in his slightly insulting way, that I can’t go to the Pokemon league yet because I don’t have any badges. Then he asks if my Pokemon are stronger now and battles me. Yah know, this guy really isn’t as big a douchebag as I remember him being.

*He leads with Pidgey, and I lead with Shout*
*Horn Attack KOs pretty quickly despite Sand Attack messing with his accuracy*
Anyway, switching out to undo the accuracy loss then switching him back in. Can’t afford to miss in a battle like this.
*Charmander comes out, switch goes as planned*
Easy pickins!
*It is 2HKO’d thanks to a Critical Hit*
You make me wanna ra—not talk about rape. O=)
So victory is had, Blue blames it on luck (cmon man, the crit hax meant nothing!) and tells me to stop “dawdling” and go kill shit. Sounds good, I’ll go get right on that.

Except that I need to evolve Screentime while he’s in Viridian Forest and I can’t leave until he evolves. Unfortunately, the level at which he evolves is level freaking 18. So I had better grind up pretty close to level 18 before I go in there lest I be unable to meet the requirement. Welp, this is going to be fun. At least I can catch a Caterpie on route 2 while I’m at it...

*Gets Screentime up to level 16, gets the other two up to level 13 since I expect it to take all the trainers in the forest to level up Screentime again.*
There. Bud got Vine Whip and Screentime got Quick Attack, both of which will be quite useful I think.
*This took hours*

Alright before I go into the forest I need to save to ensure that, if by some stroke of ill fate, I fail at evolving the already grossly overleveled Screentime, I don’t have to restart after hours of progress. It’s time to fight some trainers that aren’t story important now! Woooo!

Someone helpfully painted arrows pointing onto the forest floor at the entrance. Yeah thanks, big help.

*Proceeds to demolish everything with Screentime, the most overleveled Pokemon I’ve used since my starter the first time I played this game*

*after defeating him*
Bug Catcher: No! Caterpie can’t cut it!
*Checks, Caterpie cannot learn Cut*
Both literally and figuratively.

*Gets through all the Bug Catchers with Screentime, who doesn’t even go up one level*
More grinding I suppose

*Catches a Metapod, Pikachu, and accidentally faints the 1% Kakuna and 5% Weedle by the time Screentime evolves*
Well there we go (goddamn the Pidgeotto sprite is fat)! Now Screentime is about as overpowered as anything I’ve ever used (and as obese). Definitely going to be levelling the others before I use him again though, that’s for sure (I just hope he doesn’t have a heart attack in the meantime).

Well anyway, that’s Viridian Forest! Next up, Pewter City! Let’s take a look around town shall we?

*in the Pokemon Centre*
Ah it’s the classic singing and dancing Jigglypuff! (Represented by a Clefairy sprite. Yup.)

*Guy in garden*
Guy: I’m spraying Repel to keep wild Pokemon out of my garden!
.... And yet you have no problem with me walking in here and trampling all over it. Guess I’m cool with that.

*Goes one step too close to Route 3*
.... Fuck you. So much.

*Talks to the wrong guy*
Other Annoying Guy: OH HEY HAVE YOU CHECKED THE MUSEUM???????????
Me: uhhhh.... maybe?
Me: Please... just... stay away from me. I’ll go in just... stay away.

Oh that’s right! The most epic sprites in the game are here; the fossil Pokemon skeletons! Seriously, they’re more detailed than most of the living Pokemon... and better proportioned.

OId guy in space section: July 20, 1969! The 1st lunar landing! I bought a color TV to watch it!”
Wait what? Moon landing? In Pokemon? But but but this is an alternate universe right? With Pokemon and shit? And yet the moon landings happened on the same day? What?

*reads plaque on Space Shuttle Exhibit*
Sign: Space Shuttle Columbia
*Brain explodes*

*after recovering from cranial eruption*
AHEM anyway... done here, so I guess now I can move onto Brock’s Gym. Bud should be able to cruise through the place in about 20 seconds.

First off the “Lightyears” kid. I don’t need to say anything else. You all know who I’m talking about.
*Shout OHKOs his Diglet*
You make me wanna dance!
*Shout eventually takes out his Sandshrew*
You make me wanna eat underpaaaaants
.... shut up it just popped into my head.

Anyway, Shout got to level 14 from that and learned Poison Sting, so now he has STAB! A STAB that is weaker than his Tackle, but STAB nonetheless.

Alright, now it’s time for the big boss. Who will be easier than the Bug Catchers in Viridian Forest. Let’s go Brock, I’ll show you why it’s a bad idea to have an entire team 4x weak to the same two types!

*Bud pops out and faces off against his Geodude*
Oh shit, i had forgot how fricken weird Geodude looked in gen 1. It looks like it has some sort of 50s hairdo and is dancing to disco. And those eyes.

*Bud obliges*
Whew, just his much less demonic looking Onix left. Time to end this!
*Vine Whip makes giant rock snakes seem less threatening than kittens. Kittens without legs*
WELP that was easy. A far cry from my fight with Brock on Leaf Green (in case you forgot, I kind of lost my first attempt against him. Yeaaaaah).

So he hands me my prizes, the Boulderbadge and TM 34... Bide. Shit. I was hoping I’d be able to avoid having to use that until later in the game. Oh well...

So that just about wraps up this chapter! Join me next time for spelunking, hiking and swimming! Ok, maybe I’ll just be battling over a swimming pool but goddamit, it counts! Anyway, until next time, audios!


Location: Pewter City
Badges: 1
Pokemon: 3
Retries: 0 (Retries instead of blackouts so I’m forced to be more honest eh heh...)


Bud the Bulbasaur
Level 14
Leech Seed
Vine Whip

Bud is doing just as well as you’d expect a starter to do early on in a challange. Between his natural bulk and Leech Seed he has easily powered his way through all his opponents. His grass type STAB was also invaluable against Brock, who fell to him easily. Now as for the future, I have a few ideas. His restrictions limit him a little bit, but not so much that I’m worried. There was a strategy I’ve used with the Bulbasaur line in the past that worked quite well and falls within the restrictions, so I’ll probably use that. Of course there is the fact that Leech Seed is half as powerful in generation 1 as it is in other generations... oh well. We’ll see what I end up doing with it later.

Screentime the Pidgeotto
Level 18
Quick Attack

Thanks to all the grinding I had to do in order to get him to evolve into Pidgeotto inside Viridian Forest, Screentime is as overpowered as heck right now. However I expect that to change before too long for a few reasons. One is that it doesn’t actually get any Flying-type moves until level 31 (Wing Attack) so I get no additional coverage from him now. Secondly, I can’t evolve him again until level forty-fucking-nine. Thirdly, I fully expect his requirement of fighting Lt. Surge’s Pikachu and Raichu to be hell incarnate. I can only hope I am wrong.

Shout the Nidoran-M
Level 14
Horn Attack
Poison Sting

Shout has been a boss so far, easily dispatching my rival for his solo requirement and otherwise destroying shit left and right with Horn Attack. Seeing as I have Horn Attack, don’t expect Poison Sting to get used any time soon (weaker and poison stall doesn’t really work for offensively distributed stats). As for his future, well, let’s just say I’m looking forward to it. OH and I’ve decided to RNG his TM since there’s a better chance of landing on a move better than 60BP than there is of him landing on a useless move. Also, Rage doesn’t count because it’s bugged to hell and back. So here goes! *RNGs a number between 1 and 30.* Alright then... 23 that corresponds to... Double Team. Well, could have been worse!

Alright, I’m back! I’ve just finished hiding the body and I’m ready to progress!
Wait I didn’t have to kill the Route 3 blocker to progress? Oh... well no one is going to complain right?

So anyway, Route 3, here I come! Time to blow my way through a dozen or so trainers that seem to congregate there for no reason.

Bug Catcher: “Hey I met you in Viridian Forest!”
Ah yes, the Bug Catcher that can be in two places at once. That or he stalks me, since he’s never not in one of those spots when you go to them... Either way, it’s pretty damned disturbing.

Youngster: “Hey I like shorts! They’re comfy and easy to wear!”
As opposed to pants, which are hard to wear. *eyeroll* And comfy all year ‘round instead of just in summer. Just admit it kid, you have a fetish.

Oh and he has an Ekans that uses Wrap. Fuck. For those of you that don’t know, in Gen 1 Wrap and other partial trapping moves actually completely immobilized you for their duration. Yes it’s horrible. Yes it’s unfair. And yes it’ll probably get me killed at some point.

Youngster: “Hey, you’re not wearing shorts!”
O.o Sorry, didn’t know it was a rule for the freaky short fetish fanclub that’s Route 3. Or does that mark me of a member of a rival gang or something? Is that why you’re attacking me?
*After defeat*
Youngster: “Lost! Lost! Lost!”
Ok scratch those theories. This is a cult. Definitely a cult.

*Suddenly, Shout is evolving!*
And I can let him since I already have 2 Pokemon other than him! SWEET! You are now teh pwnage.

*Suddenly Bud is evolving!*
*Presses B*
Curse you and your wanting to be young longer. I have to wait until level 21 for you...

Lass: “Eek! Did you touch me?”
No, and even if I did it’s not like I have the plague. Or are you implying that I touched you inappropriately?
*Proceeds to have a very long and annoying fight with her sleep abusing Jigglypuff*
Thank lord for Leech Seed...

Oh a Pokemon Center! How convenient! Let’s see what there is to see here.

According to this newspaper, Team Rocket is attacking Cerulean citizens. Flat out attacking them themselves too, not just stealing their shit. Is it just me or is Team Rocket a lot more sinister than I remembered?

Oh, and there’s a “Man” here looking to sell me a super special awesome Pokemon for only 500 Pokedollars! Why, I will take that, and name it Random after the random ass guy who sold it to me. Welcome to the team Random the Magikarp! Don’t worry, you’ll be a big boy someday soon...

Heh... his party sprite looks like a legless Kirby. I wanna poke it. *poke*

Anyway, I’m going to grind him up a few levels while I’m here, see if I can’t get him on par with the rest of the team. Sure I won’t be using him for a while, but the sooner he evolves the better.

*While grinding catches a Jigglypuff despite being sung to sleep CONSTANTLY*
Well that was annoying. Also, Random is taking a long to time to level up... Looks there are more hours of grinding ahead! Yay?

And it’s looking like I need more Pokeballs. I guess I’ll go back to Pewter and buy a few supplies
*Has exactly 1 Pokedollar left when done shopping*
Well. Not going to be buying much more with that.

Anyway going to grind inside Viridian Forest for a bit, see if I can get Weedle and Kakuna.
*against a Kakuna gets super effective message after using Poison Sting*
*Checks Bulbapedia*
I learned two things after checking Bulbapedia. 1: Poison is super effective against Bug in Gen I. 2: The secondary type causes a bug where it says it’s super effective instead of normally effective like it actually is. It does that for any attack where it’s super effective against the first type but the second resists it. Fail Gamefreak is fail.

Also, I need more goddamn Pokeballs but I don’t have any money. Who would’ve thought that a Weedle and a Kakuna would require 6 Pokeballs between them? I guess I’ll have to backtrack and buy some after I get some money in Mt. Moon from the trainers there.

Speaking of which, I’m moving my training to Mt. Moon. I’m not going all the way through it just yet, but I’ll get experience faster in there. Oh, also, TongueTied is in there!

Wait I just found TM12 in here. That’s... Water Gun? Water Gun was a TM? Well whatever, I’ll take it.

*Encounters and catches a Zubat*
Welcome to the team TongueTied! I expect you to be almost completely useless throughout the whole game! Aren’t you excited now?

Sign: “Beware! Zubat is a blood sucker!”
Oh, that’s a lovely detail to share in a kid’s game. And they aren’t kidding either, in gen 1 Bug is super effective against Poison for some reason (and vice versa) so both Shout and Bud are weak to their Leech Life attack. And I thought it wasn’t possible for Zubat to get any more annoying...

*As I head out of Mt. Moon to buy some Pokeballs*
A Clefairy? I ran into a Clefairy, for real? AND I DON’T HAVE ANY POKEBALLS?

*suddenly, the batteries die*
... Well it’s a good thing I saved just before that happened. And that was after only 7 hours of gameplay. Shit, I can’t afford to use this many AAA batteries... I don’t think I even HAVE that many AAA batteries! Hang on... yeah that’ll work. I have a solution!
*Pulls out N64, Pokemon Stadium, and an N64 Transfer Pack*
HUZZAH! No more need for batteries! Of course now it’s got a little bit of color and that kind of messes with the nostalgia... ah well. The cool thing is that now I actually get to use this feature of Stadium for something useful! And the border is friggin’ sweet and the screen is so much bigger and way less hard on my eyes... alright this is cool.

Aaand the floor in Mt. Moon is green now. I’m not even going to try and reason why that is and just accept it.

*Catches a Geodude, out of Pokeballs again*
This is going to become a theme isn’t it?

Oh noes, it’s a Team Rocket Grunt! Whatever shall I do?
Hang on a second, is that a WHIP?

Shit, they didn’t fuck around in Gen I
*kicks his sorry ass anyway*

*encounters a Super Nerd*
Why the hell are you kneeling? Good god, you look like something that just crawled out of a sewer...

Anyway, I forgot that there’s no Steel type in Gen I and therefore thought his Magnemite would be hell to take down because I had nothing to hit it with. Not the case of course, since it’s pure Electric-type in Gen I. It’s amazing how much of a difference one type can make.

*Against a Lass*
Holy shit what the hell-fuck is wrong with Bellsprouts face? I mean just look at it and tell me that isn’t horribly deformed.

Yeah you can’t can you. Because that looks like the result of several generations of inbreeding and one count of bestiality right there that does.

Alright, that’s enough actual exploring in here for now... I just need to get some EXP for Random and ToungeTied now.

*Catches a Paras while training, ToungTied learns Bite and becomes a little less useless*
This is taking hours, just so you know. What’s taking you around 3 seconds to read took me 3 or 4 hours to play through :D.

.... Bite looks like Strength from the later games. There’s absolutely nothing that says “bite” about it; it looks like 3 punch stars in succession. That’s... disappointing. Cmon, I know you’re not working with much here but would it kill you to add a couple fangs Gamefreak?

Well that’s all the training for now I think. Random is going to stay in front and keep getting EXP, and Tongue Tied will be doing most of the fighting since he’s only level 15 whereas everyone else is level 18. I’m pretty sure I’m overleveled but whatever, let’s keep going. Through Mt. Moon we go!

*runs into a Clefairy and manages to catch it with his last Pokeball*
HELL YEAH! I thought for sure I’d end up running out and then I’d have to come back later or something. This is so much better because it means I never, ever have to come back here after I get through it.

Oh I found TM01 Mega Punch! There’s a good chance of that coming in handy eventually, but for the time being I’ll just hold onto it.

*Team Rocket grunt tells me to hand over any fossils I find*
So that’s why you’re here eh? Well you’re sure doing a good job of that now aren’t you.
*that was sarcasm in case you’re dense*

Oh wow, the Hikers in this game look shirtless on the world map but in battle are wearing bulky as all fuck vests. Nice continuity there Gamefreak.

Random learned Tackle so now he’s technically able to fight! Of course he still won’t be doing much of that until after he evolves, what with him being a Magikarp and all.

Team Rocket Grunt: “Kids shouldn’t mess around in adult business!”
*Sends out the infamous lv 16 Raticate with Hyper fang*
Well fuck. For once a Rocket Grunt has the means to back up his words.
*It knocks out Screentime*
....... at least I got it down to the red first
*Full restore. No I’m just fucking with you, TongueTied finishes it off*
Well that was nasty. It’s a damn good thing I was overleveled or that fucker could have run through my whole damn team.

Oh I found a Moon Stone! And after looking at the other moves that Nidorino gets by levelling up... yeah better to just evolve him now. Fury Attack and Focus Energy (which doesn’t work in Gen I) aren’t really worth it and Double Kick isn’t learned until level freaking 50 and I’m not waiting that long. So yeah, time to evolve again already Shout! (Damn this is such a Disc One Nuke [look it up on TV tropes people])

Team Rocket Grunt near the end: “You made me mad! Team Rocket will blacklist you!”
... Is that supposed to be a threat? Really, that reads more like a compliment to me.

Ah, and here’s the super nerd who’s desperate to keep his fossils, yet doesn’t put them in his bag (he does it with one later so there’s no reason why he couldn’t’ve done that before you got there). Some smarts you’ve got there bub.

Whoa holy shit. Koffing’s face is like, upside-down. The skull and crossbones are on his freakin’ forehead.

Seriously this fucked up!

So, now that I’ve beat you you’re telling me not to get greedy and only take one. After you just tried to claim both. Hypocrite much?

*got the Helix Fossil!*
Yay, awesome, now let’s get the hell-fuck out of here.

*steps into the glaring daylight outside*
GLORIUS! I AM FREEEEE! Never, ever am I going back in there! Ever. Hell cave of annoyance. I spent way, way too frickin’ long in that place training TongueTied the Weak and Random the Useless. I can’t wait until they’re both a bit stronger...

Oh I found TM04 Whirlwind. Useless *chucks it into the bag in preparation for shoving it into the PC for eternity*

*crosses the invisible boundary between Cerulean City and Route 4, suddenly the main colour changes from green to blue*
Holy shit, I guess they took the “Cerulean” part of “Cerulean City” seriously for the color versions.

City Sign: “Cerulean City: A Mysterious, Blue Aura Surrounds It”
Yeah I noticed O.o you guys might want to get that checked out.

Anyway, let’s see what else is in town...

Oh that’s right, I remember from LeafGreen; the entire town is brainwashed by Bill so that they talk about him incessantly. It seems to be centered at the Pokemon Center... I wonder if they’re in on it.

I remember most of this stuff from Leaf Green... overpriced bikes, crime in town, idiot girl trying to get her Slowbro to use a move it can’t learn, the guy who wants to trade Poliwhirl for Jinx, the hidden Rare Candy behind the house of a guy who natters on about badges, the rival battle at Nugget Bridge which I’m not triggering just yet, etc. All the jokes there are to be made here have already been made, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Now, my first order of business is to replenish my Pokeball supply. Thankfully I got a fair bit of money going through Mt. Moon so that’s no problem.

*Goes to Route 4 and immediately catches a Sandshrew*

Heh, well Random does know Tackle, let’s try and kill this Spearow with him just for fun.
*He defeats the Spearow with half his health to spare*
O.O I... I can train him normally. Well, that’s good to know! I guess I’ll level him up to 18 too... soon he’ll evolve and then shit can get really going!

*Later, everyone is now level 18*
Alright, time to fight Blue! Since Random hasn’t evolved yet there’s no need for me to solo anything with him, meaning the only requirement for this battle is giving Screentime some screen time against his starter. I think this should go pretty easily.

I’m struggling along Blue? Really? Just for that, I’m going to kick your ass to hell and back.

*He sends out his Pidgeotto, I send out TongueTied*
Yeah, I shoulda put someone else in the lead spot. TongueTied does NOT have this. Hmmm I haven’t used Shout since I evolved him, let’s see how he does *trollface*
*Stunningly it actually manages to get Shout down past half health*
You make me wanna choke on my own words! Damn that fucker was strong. I guess they were the same level...
*He sends out his Abra, I send out Random*
The only battle against him Random can actually do. Seeing as Abra has no attacks other than teleport. I mean really. That’s just sad.
*Several sloppy tackles later it goes down*
Getting beat by a Magikarp. That CANNOT feel good. Alright, Rattata next... hmmm I wonder if Random stands a chance?
*One Hyper Fang shows clearly he does not*
OK nevermind, change of plans. Bud, clean this up.
*One Vine Whip finishes it off, Charmander is next*
Alright Screentime, here’s your chance! Show this salamander who’s really hot right now!
*Quick Attack 2HKOs thanks to a Crit, Screentime gets out untouched*
That’s the way to show ‘em! Nice work Screentime, I guess we can call that a match then!

Oh no Blue is obsessed with Bill now too! He’s fallen under his control! Leave now while you still can Blue! Leave now!
*He does so, but for reasons unbeknownst to me*
Wait, why did I let him get away? I could’ve let Bill have him then I wouldn’t be bothered by him anymore... oh well, too late now.

Alright, now for Nugget Bridge! More experience for me!

Hmmm I have a theory about Nugget Bridge. These people on here, they seem to have no connection to each other yet here they are doing a contest for Team Rocket. But why? Well the answer is as simple as looking at what’s nearby... BILL! Team Rocket is using Bill’s evil technology to brainwash these trainers into serving them! I mean, the way they all repeat “I have no regrets” like automatons... it’s not natural! This HAS to be the only explanation!

That or it could be lazy writing and programming. Either one.

Oh hey the last one has a Mankey! At least I THINK that mutated tentacle monster is a Mankey.

Seriously, I didn’t know it was possible to fuck up a sprite that bad.
Anyway, Screentime’s revenge time :D
*Screentime SMASH!*

And here’s the disguised Rocket Grunt. Why don’t they all wear disguises instead of announcing themselves via terrible uniforms? Ah well, best not to question these sorts of things, not when it makes them easier to stop. Anyway, thanks for the Nugget but there’s no way I’m going to join you, even if it means I have to fight you. Actually, especially if it means I get to fight you. I like beating the crap out of you little shits.

Jr. Trainer in tall grass: “I saw your feat (sic) from the tall grass!”
Wooooow nice proofreading there Gamefreak! I think they used spell-check then didn’t double check the corrections.

Ooo TM45 Thunderwave. I wonder if any of my current team can learn it. It’d be useful for catching Pokemon...
*entire team is unable to learn it*
... Fuck you.

Alright so Bellsprout has been caught so I can move on! Let’s fight this Hiker and his Ma-

Holy shit why is that tail so long? It’s like a tiny stub usually but that thing is long enough to strangle someone with. And that face is so derpy... not as bad as the Mankey one, but seriously Gamefreak, what were you on?

Oh, and then he sends out a Geodude. Suddenly that Machop sprite doesn’t look so bad.

Youngster: “Local trainers come here to practice”
Ahhhh, so that’s why there’s such a huge concentration of trainers here. I remember wondering that during Leaf Green... it all makes sense now.

*Suddenly, Random is evolving!*
OH THE BRILLIANCE! Just... please don’t kill me. Kill everyone else, just not me. Thanks. Oh and I have to teach you this useless TM now. Please don’t kill me because of it.

Oh, I just realized that Screentime is supposed to have a TM of his own... I guess I can teach it Whirlwind once I get back to the Pokemon center (yes I did shove it directly into the PC as soon as I could).

And speaking of TMs, TM19 Seismic Toss is here. Only Shout is able to learn it though and I see no need to teach it to him just yet. I’ll hold onto it for now...

Hmmm Bud wants to learn Poison Powder. I wish I could, but Leech Seed is better and his restrictions mean I can’t have both (though stacking the two would be useful). Unfortunately, I’m going to have to pass this one up.

Well here we are, the home of the mad one himself! I will now enter his dark lair and inexplicably help him, probably because of his mind control. And then he gives me a boat ticket because why not, he’s too busy being evil to attend. And then from then on, his mark is left on me forever, for now Someone’s PC is eternally renamed Bill’s PC. God help us all.

Well anyway, now I have no reason not to go fight Misty. Screentime, time to get the recognition you deserve! Let’s show that bitch who’s boss!

First though, you need to learn your TM as per requirement...
*Teaches Whirlwind to Screentime*
And then a couple lackeys to destroy
*Screentime gladly does so*
Alright, now it’s time for the big girl. Let’s rumble Misty! Misty, who appears to have black hair... (da fuk?)

*She leads with Staryu, while Screentime stares it down*
Alright Screentime, time to show it what you’re made of! Quick Attack until it can’t stand up anymore!
*Misty uses an X Defend on her Staryu... after I’ve already knocked it down into the Red*
Lol fail.
*Screentime finishes it off*
Alright, now for the big one, Starmie... I think a half jillion Sand-Attacks are in order!
*She uses X-Defend on it right away, though it has Harden so the reasoning behind that move is fuzzy*
Alright, 3 sand attacks should be enough. Quick Attack like nuts now!
*it uses Bubblebeam, which misses but also makes me realize that if it does hit I’m going to get KO’d*
Yah know, potions are looking mighty good right now.
*Two Tackles and a Bubblebeam hit, forcing me to keep using potions*
Suddenly this doesn’t look so certain...
*A Bubblebeam connects when Screentime is at half health, KOing him*
..... FUCK. I don’t have any revives either!
.... Goddamn this! I don’t know what to do here... there aren’t any X-Items to buy yet... goddamn it! I guess I’ll just try again and use more Sand-Attacks this time.

*Staryu is eliminated in much the same way as before*
Alright, now for Starmie... Sand-Attack until it can’t see the floor in front of it!
*It still connects with Bubble Beam after 5 Sand-Attacks, Screentime faints*
FUCK! Ok, after that, just to see how it would go, I sent out Shout who took out Starmie without even getting touched despite it taking like 7 turns, so I’m thinking I just got unlucky. AGAIN!

*Staryu gets two damn crits in a row on Screentime so he’s already at half health by the time Starmie comes out*
Well this doesn’t bode well.
*Through the use of several potions and some luck, Screentime manages to get Starmie to -6 accuracy*
Alright, now Quick Attack time. Just gotta hope for some luck...
*Bubblebeam somehow connects and crits, OHKOing Screentime from nearly full health*
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- Ok, this bullshit can only go on for so long! AGAIN DAMNIT!

*Staryu goes down leaving Screentime at 2/3 health*
Alright, here we go again....
*Bubblebeam hits and crits again, KO*

*Attempt #5 starts with Staryu bringing Screentime to 45/65HP*
This had better freaking work this time...
*Bubblebeam hits twice in a row despite 3 Sand Attacks, KOs despite a Potion getting used*
*Goes Super Saiyan, doesn’t help*

*Attempt #6, Starmie comes out with Screentime at 55/65*
Cmon, this is just getting ridiculous...
*it takes every last Potion I have to get it to -6 Accuracy*
Ok if it hits now I am going to be pissed like you wouldn’t believe.
*A Water Gun and a Tackle connect, but miraculously leave Screentime with 9HP. It is one Quick Attack away from fainting *
If Misty has a Potion I am going to cry.
*She doesn’t, but Quick Attack misses.*
............. You have got to be fucking kidding me.
*Thankfully Water Gun misses too*
Oh thank you RNG gods, thank you!
*Quick Attack finally finishes it off*
*Breaks down sobbing*

*Manages to drown Misty with no one looking stashes the body in a corner, steals her Cascadebadge and TM11 Bubblebeam*

Shhhhhhh... no one needs to know.

Oh ok so I didn’t really drown her. I just wish I could... that bitch’s Starmie is so fucktacularly overpowered. Well anyway, next time we leave Cerulean and go onboard the S.S. Anne! Until next time... audios!


Location: Pewter City
Badges: 2
Pokemon: 5
Retries: 5 (Seriously, fuck that Starmie)


Bud the Bulbasaur
Level 20
Leech Seed
Vine Whip

Nothing much has changed for Bud, as he’s still doing pretty well overall and nothing about him has really changed. He evolves in one more level though, so that’s cool at least. Also, I learned that in Gen I it doesn’t get Sleep Powder until level 55 as a Venusaur, so my planned strategy of Leech Seed + Sleep isn’t going to be usable until the very end. Oh well, I’ll figure out something else to use in the meantime. Until then, I’m stuck with Growl...

Screentime the Pidgeotto
Level 22
Quick Attack

Guess who’s overleveled again? Well fighting your way through an entire gym by yourself can do that. Of course, his performance against Misty was... less than stellar, but really, Starmie is such an overpowered freak at this point in the game that any Pokemon you can get without a type advantage is kind of screwed. Overall, Screentime is doing OK but not really standing out (though he didn’t get used a whole lot due to being overleveled much of the chapter). I’m starting to dread the fight against Lt. Surge’s Pokemon yet to come... and also not being to evolve him. Well, I have a plan for Surge and I’ll just have to suck it up and use a Pidgeotto for way longer than I should have to I suppose. Not much I can do about that one.

Shout the Nidoking
Level 19
Horn Attack
Poison Sting

And suddenly BOOM there was a beast. Well, so you’d think but I’ve actually been pretty surprised at how average Shout is doing considering he’s a friggin’ third stage Pokemon. Well, most of that is likely due to his attacks at the moment, which don’t get STAB and have no super-effective coverage. After I get a few TMs that should change. I would teach him Bubblebeam, except that I need that for TheRainbow later on. That’s OK though, there will be plenty of TMs for him to use later, and I fully expect to see some domination out of this guy.

Random the Gyarados
Level 20

Honestly, at the moment I don’t have much to say about Random since I haven’t used him since he evolved yet. I’m glad it didn’t take too long to get that done (well, in your guys’ time... this chapter encompasses something like 8 hours of gameplay) though, since I expect he’ll be quite useful despite his crippling required moveset. There is good news on that front though. It turns out that Gyarados’ Special stat was 100 in Generation I, meaning Surf will actually be more powerful than Strength would have been. And while Bide and Leer might be next to useless, Surf combined with any of a number of Normal Type moves he can learn will give him perfect neutral coverage, thanks to the fact that in Gen 1 Normal is only resisted by Rock. Even with only two good moves I expect him to do some serious damage, so the future is looking bright for this one.

TongueTied the Zubat
Level 20
Leech Life

Yeah I called him “TongueTied the Weak” earlier on and quite frankly it’s an apt description. He has lower defences than even Random had before he evolved and his attack power isn’t outstanding either. Once he got Bite he got a easier to use at least, but before then he was just terrible. I’m dreading his evolution, because then he becomes COMPLETELY useless until he either reaches level 32 and learns Wing attack or reaches Lavender town and gets Swift via TM. And I do mean COMPLETELY useless, as in he can’t use ANY of his attacks. As such, I’m going to nerf the challange a little bit by making it so he doesn’t HAVE to evolve until he either gets Wing Attack or Swift, just so I’m not stuck with completely dead weight for 10 levels. Even after that though, I still expect him to be worthless. The only real reason to use Golbat is for its annoying potential, and the challange deprives me of that option since he needs to be pure attacking. I think I was right when I pinned him as being an LVP when I first accepted him...

Alright, I’ve stocked back up on potions and Pokeballs, so now it’s time to leave Cerulean city via a giant hole in the wall of some guy’s house. Unconventional yes, but it works.

Wow the police here are useless; the culprit is directly behind the house, through the enormous hole he left in the wall. If they can’t handle that level of criminal competence, then they have some serious competence issues of their own.

Anyway, the grunt gets his ass kicked and gives me TM 28 Dig which the guy who was robbed says I can keep (sweet! I guess doing good does pay sometimes!) since he’s just going to use Diglett who use it naturally anyway.

Hmmm I wonder...
*no Shout cannot learn Dig, nor can anyone else on the team*
..... Fuck you. I take back what I said about good paying off.

Anyway, here on Route 5 I can add the final member of the team to my roster! It’s time to catch TheRainbow!

*Catches first Meowth that appears*
Awesome, welcome to the team TheRainbow! I have a TM for you right here!
*Teaches TheRainbow Bubblebeam*
Now to catch you up to the others...

*Grinding on Route 4*
Well Bubblebeam is actually kind of useful, which is cool. I’m thinking though that TheRainbow is going to end up a lot like Big Banks did on Sapphire. Except with worse defences. Yeaaaah....
*He learns Bite and PayDay as he levels up to 20*

Alright there we go, TheRainbow is ready to stretch across the sky! Time to head down to Vermillion City now and get a move on with this adventure!

Holy crap, I found a Full Restore in the Underground Path, this early in the game. That’ll come in mighty handy at some point I’m sure.

Here on Route 6 we encounter the whispering young couple who get pissed when I “listen in on them” despite doing nothing of the sort. Seriously, you guys are like 10, what the hell are you whispering about that’s so private?

*Defeats the rest of the trainers on the Route, TongueTied learns Confuse Ray*
Well I won’t be able to use that forever, but it is miles better than goddamn Supersonic at least.

And here we are, Vermillion! And suddenly everything is orange!
*TheRainbow faints from Poison*
First stop is the Pokemon Center!

Guy in the Pokemon Center: “My Pokemon was poisoned! It fainted while we were walking!”
Heh, funny you should mention that...

Alright, time to look around town.
*Picks up a free Old Rod I’ll never use*
Yeah I’ve already had a Magikarp, thanks.

City Sign: “Vermilion City: The Port of Exquisite Sunsets”
Eternal sunsets too, judging by the constant orange hue everything has...

*trades Spearow for Farfetch’d in the name Pokedex data collection. Apparently the name of its owner is “Trainer”. Nice.*

Next up the fan club... why does every fan club leader in every game babble on forever? At least I get the insanely valuable bike voucher for my trouble. Seriously, this guy just hands out shit worth more money than you can physically carry to random strangers. Guess you have to be rich out your ass to be able to sit around babbling all day...

*After quick trip to collect my bike, I head out to route 11 for some training*
I just want to ride my bicycle, I just want to ride my biiiiike. I just want to ride my bicycle, just want to ride my biiiiike!
*Background chorus “Bicycle, bicycle!”*

AHEM. Anyway. Route 11, GO!

*first trainer I fight, after being defeated*
Youngster: “I did my best! I have no regrets!”

Wait what? What’s this?
*Bud is evolving*
And this time I can let you! You were doing just fine before, but I’m not complaining, that’s for certain!

Gamefreak did this wierd thing on this route where there are two gamblers, one that’s never lost and one that’s never won (at what they never specify, but you can assume they mean Pokemon battles). I don’t know why I had to mention that, I just did. It’s weird yah know? Yah I’ll shut up now...

Random Engineer: “Spread the word to save energy!”
... well that was a random place to put an Aesop. Seriously, I think someone at Gamefreak was like “oh shit, we need to say something about conservation, just throw it in somewhere”.

*Catches a Drowzee, finishes off the rest of the trainers*

Oh hey, one of Oak’s Aides is inside the way station on this route! The Itemfinder? Sweet, yeah I’ll take that!
*Need 3 more Pokemon for it*
... Fuck you. Well I don’t really need it when I have Bulbapedia anyway...

Anyway, that’s all for here, time for the S.S. Anne. More battles and experience! This is always one of my favourite parts of the game for some reason. I don’t really know why, maybe I just liked the episode that took place on it. Where it sank. Wait, suddenly that doesn’t sound so innocent.

Oh, and also remember how it was all the battling that sank the ship in that episode? Apparently they don’t give a shit about that here, since over half the people on the ship want to fight. Yup, that sounds perfectly safe.

*TongueTied is evol-*

Oh one thing I just realized. Apparently in Generation I there was no cabin for you to heal yourself, so to heal you had to backtrack all the way to Vermillion. Fun, I know.

Wait, Bud wants to learn Poison Powder again? I guess since I delayed evolving him... well the answer is still the same. Damage + healing > just damage.

Oh I just found TM08 Body Slam! Now this is a good move. The question though is... who learns it? There’s only one in the game so... TheRainbow eventually gets Slash which it benefits more from thanks to the high crit rate, but not until level 52. Shout could use the extra power, but he gets Thrash soon. Random would like it too. Bud could use the Paralysis support but really doesn’t need it the most. Hmmm I think Random. It’s a bit of a crapshoot honestly, but there are other good normal type moves available to find/buy for the others.

There seems to be a disproportionate number of French stereotypes among the crew on this ship... a waiter that starts every sentence with “Le” two snooty French chefs... really, it’s kind of offensive.

Hey what’s this? TM 44 Rest? Well well well, it looks like TheRainbow just got another type added to his repertoire! Not that something as frail as him is ever going to use it...
*not much talking, lots of battling*
Oh, and Global Police too, on the trail of Team Rocket. He isn’t doing a very good job, needless to say. For all the work I do for you guys you ought to make me an honorary member. Or at least start paying me.

Ah, there’s that Thrash I mentioned earlier for Shout. Yeah, I think that’s more useful than Tackle, so you’re learning it.

Oh, and some guy shows me a Snorlax picture for no reason whatsoever. Uhhhh thanks?

*Gentleman has a lv 23 Pikachu*
.... Fuck. Ok, go kill it Screentime!
*Braces for utter failure, but through some miracle it actually goes alright*

*After hearing two guys talk about HMs in the same cabin*
Ok, seriously is this ship a veiled tutorial for HMs or something? So far I’ve been told about Strength, Surf, and Cut (Cut multiple times). It’s starting to get weird. I bet I hear about Fly and Flash before I’m through here.
*End Edit note: Actually no, strangely enough*

Alright, time for another battle with Blue. I’ve decided that his “First and Second non-starter Pokemon” means his Pidgeotto and Kadabra, since his Rattacate stops appearing after this fight (yeah yeah, you kill it, you’ve all seen the image by now). So that’s what Random is going to be soloing, while Screentime gets his starter. Now then, without further ado, let’s get started.

*Random faces off against his insanely fat Pidgeotto*
Damn are all Pidgeotto fat as all hell? Anyway, Body Slam should finish this off quickly.
*It crits for an OHKO*
Nice. Raticate is up next, and Bud needs to level up to catch up with the others so he gets the honour of killing it. Literally killing it.
*Vine Whip 3HKOs*
Yup that is one dead rat (Whaaaaaaaaat?). Now his Kadabra is coming out, ready to be devoured by Random. Here comes another OHKO!
Charmeleon next! Alright Screentime, do what you always do; Quick Attack until the foe falls down and doesn’t get back up!
Yeah that was easy. It should be noted he was severely outleveled though, as he always seems to be for me at this part. After taking out the entire SS Anne my Pokemon tend to have a few levels on him.

And there’s the Captain spewing his guts into a garbage can. Lovely. Apparently, it’s nothing a vaguely homoerotic backrub can’t solve! So anyway, got my HM 01 Cut and now I’m on my merry way. Of course, I do have one itty bitty problem. You see, Bud is the only member of my part that’s able to learn Cut and he’s not allowed to have HMs, so yes, I’m going to need an HM slave on a generation 1 game. Ah well, I’ll live.

And there the SS Anne goes! Very, very slowly. Well, guess now it’s time to backtrack and cut all the stuff I couldn’t before, which means making a perilous trip through Diglett’s Cave. And I DO mean perilous; there are level 30 Dugtrio in there nothing on my team has a chance outrunning. At least Arena Trap isn’t a thing in Gen I.

*on the way through a Diglett is caught*
Alright, made it through with only one Dugtrio encounter, but that Dugtrio elected to use nothing but Growl thankfully. Shame I accidentally knocked it out instead of catching it...

Anyway, back on Route 2 now! Lets see what there is to be obtain- fuck I forgot to teach a Pokemon Cut.
*Back through Diglett’s cave I go*

*Throws Cut on a Bellsprout, heads back to Route 2*
Alright NOW we’ll see what’s here. HM 05 Flash and a couple relatively useless items it would seem! Alrighty, I guess I’ll just go and check out the other couple places I can use Cut then.

Let’s see... Old Amber, TM 42 Dream Eater and... no wait, that’s it. Well that’s just slightly disappointing, considering the time it took me to do all this. Well now that I’m done wasting my time here, I guess I’ll move on to the next thing on my list.

That’s right, it’s time to explore Rock Tunnel and head for Lavender Town! Huh? Lt. Surge? Oh yeah, that little jerkwad. Well you remember when I said I had a plan for him in Screentime’s comments last chapter? Well that plan is to just completely ignore him until Screentime is a higher level, because you don’t actually need to beat him to progress in the story at all until you get to the league. It’s a weird gym like that. The HM it allows you to use is Fly, which I don’t need in order to move on, so I’m just going to come back and beat him when Screentime is horrifically overleveled :D. Isn’t cheating fun?

So onto Route 9 we go! More trainer battles to be had! Yay! Of course, this route is ridiculously annoying to navigate thanks to an unnecessarily large number of one way ledges. Joy.

*finds TM30 Teleport (which is useless)*

Bug Catcher: “I have to collect more than bugs to get stronger...”
HOLY SHIT ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY GETS IT. I shouldn’t have to say anything to express how huge this is.

But just in case you forgot, there’s a more typical member of the class on the route:
Bug Catcher: “If you don’t like bug Pokemon, you bug me!”HH

Notice the contrast?

And why is it that EVERY DAMN HIKER ON THIS ROUTE laughs like a maniac? There were ones in Mt. Moon that didn’t do that, so why here? Was there an industrial leak of nitrous oxide somewhere nearby? If so, why the hell does everyone else on the route seem unaffected? Or are they just part of a cult? It’s a cult again isn’t it. It’s always a cult.

And now Screentime faints to his first Pikachu, owned by a lass and 4 levels lower than him because it got two critical hits in a row and fully paralyzed him with Thunderwave. Sometimes... I swear...

Anyway, made it to the Pokemon center right in front of Rock Tunnel with the half dozen unexplained cuttable trees outside it (seriously, why?). Just gotta throw Flash on something and I’m ready to head on through.

*And Jimera said, “LET THERE BE LIGHT!” and so there was. (with a teensy bit of help from a Drowzee)*
Perfect! If only darkness worked in Gen 1 the same way it did in Gen III, then I could just use a map and bring everyone in instead of stuffing poor Random in the PC. Oh well...

Oh, YES!

The Pokemaniac’s AREN’T COSPLAYING IN THIS ONE! Suddenly Rock Tunnel feels a lot safer. Though, one does talk about it. Freak.

*Catches a Machop, Onix and Random learns Dragon Rage (temporarily of course... it IS better than Splash*

Hiker’s Geodude: *DemonicTrollface*
Oh no you don’t
*Self-destruct, TheRainbow faints*
...... fuck you.

Goddamn my team is taking a beating going through here... not much further now...

No, you cannot have my Pokedex, I’m not doing anything to you in the dark, and why won’t you all just leave me alone already dammit D:

*TongueTied is evolving!*
Well I suppose I can let you evolve now, since Swift is available as soon as I get to Lavender Town.
*TongueTied evolved into Golbat!*

Oh. My. God. Suddenly all those restrictions make sense. Also; nightmares. That is all.

And now Route 10 too... more trainers. If my team wasn’t so beat up, that’d be a good thing.
*A few battles later, suddenly everything turns purple and the scariest Pokemon song ever starts playing*
Suddenly I feel the urge to kill myself... o.o
*just kidding :D OR AM I?*

Anyway, time to explore this town!

Guy in Pokecenter: “Cubones wear skulls, right? People will pay a lot for one!”
... I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Little girl: “Do you believe in ghosts?”
Uhhhh no.
Little girl: “Hahahaha, I guess not. That white hand on your shoulder, it’s not real”
Wait what?
*Jimera has fainted!*
*wakes up 5 hours later, never speaks of incident again*

There’s a couple people around talking about how Team Rocket killed a Cubone’s mother, and then there’s this one guy who says he thinks all the ghosts in the tower are Pokemon they killed. Shit, that’s a lot of murders... Team Rocket really doesn’t fuck around in this generation.

Well anyway, before I do anything else, I have a TM to pick up...
Girl who gives TM: “My Pokemon’s ashes are stored in the Pokemon Tower. Here, take this TM, I don’t need it anymore”
... ok that’s just tragic. Seriously Gamefreak, this is just messed up. This game is for kids! D:

Well I don’t really feel like using it now, but lord knows TongueTied needs it...
*TongueTied learned Swift and can now actually attack again!*

Alright I guess I’ll explore Pokemon Tower as far as I can for the experience.
Damn, how do 8 bit music and graphics manage to be so much creepier than the GBA’s? Not mention the sheer morbidity of the conversations held in here.
“I came to p[ray for my Clefairy. Sniff! I can’t stop crying...”
“My Growlithe... Why did you die?”
Seriously, I’m starting wonder if kids really did commit suicide, not because of the music (though I’m sure that didn’t help) but because of all the sad shit here. This is just depressing.

Oh, Blue... hello. Yea, why don’t we fight in this place of respect and mourning just because you feel like it. Bastard.

*Random vs. Pidgeotto*
Yeah this isn’t going to last long.
*Body Slam 2HKOs*
Exeggcute next eh? Well Shout should be able to manage this.

Holy shit why is that one egg like 30 feet tall?
*Hypnosis puts Shout to Sleep*
....... damn it.
*Takes a number of weak Barrages before finally waking up*
Finally! Thra-
*Put to sleep again after missing out on the KO*
Oh for the love of...
*wakes up immediately though*
Oh thank lord.
You make me wanna scramble (some eggs)! Alright, Gyarados is up next... who to take it on... Bud, you have a shot. Seed it!
*Bite does more damage than hoped, but still not that much*
Well I had better get on offense then. Vine Whip!
*Vine whip barely nicks it, Gyarados uses Leer*
.... well darn. Tackle then?
*about the same, more leering*
Wait a second, it doesn’t learn Leer for another 10 levels! BLUE IS A CHEATER! Anyway, I had better switch out before I take a hit with -2 Defense.
*Screentime takes over, immediately hit with Leer*
Cheating bastard... Quick Attack!
*Quick attack finally brings it into KO range, but Bite does over a third health to Screentime*
Well fudge. Finish it anyway.... damn thing weakened Screentime too much for my liking. He still needs to take on his Charmeleon.
*KO, Kadabra is next*
RANDOM! This one is yours!
*Body Slam OHKOs yet again*
Lolfail. Anyway, now for that Charmeleon... Screentime, it’s showtime! Quick attack until it stops moving, as usual!
*Quick attack crits but Ember Burns*
Oh bullshit. Where’s that Full Restore...
*One Full Restore later, Screentime is ready to keep shit rolling. Charmeleon hilariously uses Rage*
And here everyone, we have an imminent fail. Allow me to demonstrate by causing Charmeleon to miss using Sand-attack.
*After a couple tries it works and Charmeloen misses*
Now, Rage is uncontrollable in Gen I, like Outrage or Thrash. Thing is, it lasts until the battle ends or the user faints. Once you miss with it though, your accuracy rolls over to hilariously low numbers and then you can’t hit with it at all. So, you are stuck using what has essentially become Splash. Yeah, this is why I did not want anything to do with Rage. And yes, of course I am now going to annoy Blue using Whirlwind (since this is his last Pokemon, it’ll always fail) and make him miss a half dozen times before I finish him. Wouldn’t you?
*Charmeleon flails around uselessly for 10 turns while Screentime and I laugh at his plight*
I so did not need to use that Full Restore. Alright, put it out of its misery now Screentime.
*Screentime slowly whittles away at its HP until it faints*
Damn, forgot that even though I cured the burn that my attack would still be halved thanks to another of Gen I’s bugs.. Well thanks to Rage, that doesn’t matter anyway!
Blue: “What!? You stinker! I took it easy on you too!”
I’ll say. Using Rage against something with Sand-Attack is tantamount to suicide.

Wait a second, I just realized that most of my Pokemon only have Normal type attacks and what attacks they have that aren’t normal type are 4x resisted by Ghastly and Haunter for the most part. I think I’m going to reconsider my decision to plow through here early... Let’s do the northern half of Route 12 instead. Also it will be nice to get away from this infernal music...

My word do fishermen have messed up looking faces. It’s like Geodude bred with a Picasso painting.

Maybe they get like that because the Supersonic using Goldeen and Tentacool they carry drive them crazy? I know they’re driving ME crazy!

Holy shit, this one’s Goldeen is lv 27. Most of my Pokemon are level 26! Well I guess it’s a good thing I’m doing some training now if that’s what I’m up against.

Oh, and TongueTied is actually doing pretty good with Swift. He really appreciates the extra bulk and power his evolution gave him, even if it did deprive him of most of his moves. They kinda sucked anyway though so it’s not a huge loss. Also Golbat looks a lot less horrifying from behind

Glad I don’t have to look at that... thing you could call a tongue anymore.

Ah, here we are at the Snorlax now. Time to head somewhere else now... Route 8 seems like a good place to head to next. I’ll catch Vulpix there after I wipe out the trainers too (I’ll need to bring out that Bellsprout to Cut again you see).

Lass: “What’s a cute, round and fluffy Pokemon?”
You use Jigglypuff and/or Clefairy f don’t you.
*yup, Clefairy. And it is ALL she talks about.*

Gambler: “Gambling and Pokemon are like eating peanuts! Just can’t stop!”
That... that is an interesting combination of addictions.

Oh and here’s the line of girls (+ one lucky Super Nerd) waiting to get into Saffron. I’d make jokes about this, but I completely wore that out in my Leaf Green Scramble.

Lass: “Meowth is so cute! Meow, meow, meow.”
*all Meowth in team*
Obsessed much? But yes, the sprite is cute.

Really damn cute.

*Catches another cute Pokemon, Vulpix*
Alright, now to head through the Underground Tunnel to Celadon!
*Gets a Nugget and an Elixer down there, emerges on Route 7*
Ah, Route 7, the most pointless route in Pokemon history. It’s about 15 tiles long, featuring one patch of grass, no trainers, and no items. Seriously, why does this exist?

Anyway, now it’s time for Celadon City! Or it would be if I wasn’t a procrastinating asshole, because I’m going to end the chapter right here before it gets any longer. Funny how skipping a gym can do shit like cause an overly long chapter with no easily defined endpoint, eh?


Location: Pewter City
Badges: 2
Pokemon: 6
Retries: 5 (the reason why my Badge count hasn’t gone up... I’m hoping to avoid a repeat.)


Bud the Ivysaur
Level 27
Leech Seed
Vine Whip

Bud evolved! Woohoo! I barely even noticed it really. He hasn’t changed in effectiveness at all. Leech Seed, despite its smaller effect in generation I, is proving quite useful, though he’s really starting to fall behind the curve in attack power. I am anxiously awaiting the addition of Razor Leaf to his repertoire, since then he’ll have a much more powerful STAB option to use. I’ll probably replace Tackle with a more useful attack next chapter too, if I can find one. I really am not looking forward to using him in the next few chapters after this though, as I’m not allowed to evolve him until level 37. That’s going to be a bit painful. I’m just glad that it doesn’t evolve at level 36 like Charmeleon does...

Screentime the Pidgeotto
Level 27
Quick Attack

Hey he’s not overleveled this time! In fact, he’s actually woefully underpowered! Mostly this is due to his weak movepool which tops out at 60BP with STAB. Not exactly a powerhouse, especially combined with his mediocre attack. This wouldn’t be so bad if he actually had some bulk, but he’s second only to TheRainbow in terms of weakest defences, and beating out a Meowth in that category isn’t exactly impressive. Sand-Attack does have some limited utility though. Whirlwind, on the other hand has been completely useless. Ah well, maybe it’ll save my life sometime in the future. Or maybe I’ll ditch it as soon as I can. Guess which one is more likely? Still, it did allow me to toy with Blue’s Charmeleon, and THAT was pretty damn awesome.

Shout the Nidoking
Level 27
Horn Attack
Poison Sting

Shout has shown a lot of improvement now, especially since getting hold of Thrash. Thrash finally gives him some much needed power. It’s extra nice that Thrash can actually last for like 5 turns in generation 1 and doesn’t prevent switching after the opponent faints. It’s really damn frustrating that he can’t learn Dig though, since he really does need a decent STAB attack. He’ll have to wait until I get Earthquake from Silph Co. for that though... well at least you don’t get it from Giovanni in Gen I, unlike in Leaf Green. Now that would be REALLY frustrating. Well, even without a decent STAB he’s doing pretty well. He’s not my best Pokemon, but he’s far from my worst.

Random the Gyarados
Level 27
Body Slam
Dragon Rage

And suddenly, a BEAST! And this time I’m not kidding; Random kicks some serious ass. Boasting the highest Attack on the team by far, as well as the best defences, AND the strongest moves... right now, he’s a no-brainer for MVP. Body Slam OHKOs most opponents, and even those it doesn’t OHKO are frequently crippled by its side effect of paralysation. Bite lets me finish off weakened opponents, whereas Dragon Rage can 2HKO pretty much anything right now and is useful whenever I fight a Rock type. Bide, of course, sees no use and I don’t really miss the move slot at the moment. In fact, when I get Leer (probably next chapter) he probably won’t miss Bite either. Really, all he needs at the moment is Body Slam, Dragon Rage, and his innate awesomeness to dominate all. He was well worth the effort taken to evolve him, and he might well end up my MVP despite his restricted movepool. He’s living proof of the fact that when you get perfect coverage in two moves, you really don’t need the other two moves anyway.

TongueTied the Golbat
Level 28
Leech Life (unusable)
Supersonic (unusable)
Confuse Ray (unusable)

And suddenly, a horror! And in more ways than one too. Before he evolved he was frail as hell, unreliable and not particularly strong. That being said, he wasn’t absolutely terrible... just not up to scratch with the rest of my team. Bite did help him out a lot, so he wasn’t THAT horrible to use. But then he evolved, grew the most horrific tongue ever seen, and became completely and utterly useless. For about 20 minutes, because I quickly found Swift and now he’s back in business with some actual bulk, even if his attack power isn’t much better than before. So where does he stand now? Honestly, I can’t really say. Swift does get the job done, but it’s hard to compare him fairly to the other teammates when I’ve only had him in this form for a couple routes. Still, as bad as having one non-STAB move is, I still think he’s in a better position than poor Screentime. Looks like this horribly mutated bat is going to be getting some slack, at least until Screentime evolves much, much later on.

TheRainbow the Meowth
Level 27

I knew TheRainbow was going to be a bit of an adventure for me, seeing as I had never used a Meowth before. So far the experience has proven to be a positive one. Though TheRainbow takes hits about as well as wet tissue paper, he’s fast and strong enough that it usually doesn’t matter that much. Bubblebeam has definitely had some use so far, which is especially pronounced against Rock and Ground types that would give him trouble otherwise. The extra cash from Payday is cool too. Rest, on the other hand, has never been used due to how crippling sleep is in Generation 1, and the aforementioned wet-tissue paper defences. It’s also looking like I couldn’t’ve gotten a better Pokemon for a mixed set; Persian and Meowth both have only 5 more Base attack than Special, meaning they can use the coverage gained from Bubblebeam (and later Thunderbolt) to their full advantage. There is one catch though: In order to evolve into Persian, TheRainbow needs to learn Thunderbolt... which is only obtainable from Lt. Surge, and as you might’ve noticed I’ve been procrastinating on that fight. The end result is that you can expect a good old double feature next update, since I’m going to want that damn TM Surge is hiding from me. Stay tuned!

Well hello there everybody! After a short bit of delay due to my participation in the Scramble Awards, I’m finally ready to explore Celadon City! Let’s get to it then, shall we?

AHHHH!!! MY EYES! Everything is this weird blue-green shade that’s so bright it BURNS! I’m missing the monochrome images of the Gameboy Pocket now...

Rocket Grunts are hanging around... damn murderers are going to get a taste of their own medicine! Or I would, but I’m limited to just fainting their Pokemon in this game. Laaaame!

Old man: “Poke Flute awakens Pokemon with a sound that only they can hear!”
Wait what? But whenever you play the flute you always hear it! This... this must mean that your character is REALLY A POKEMON! *Dun dun dun*! Or it could mean that the old man is full of shit. Either one.

Oh, wonderful, it’s Gamefreak’s ingame HQ. Gamefreak employees are like fanfic writers... they just can’t resist having self-inserts. Oh, and also shameless fourth wall breaking. And this:
“I wrote the story! Isn’t Erika cute? I like Misty a lot too! Oh, and Sabrina, I like her!”
Creepy. As. Fuck.

Anyway, I’m just here to pick up my free Eevee. And by “free” I mean stolen. Seriously, it’s just sitting on the table and you can just take it. But considering how you tend to steal shit from everywhere anyway (cmon, you think all those TMs on the SS Anne weren’t owned by anyone?) it isn’t really that special.

Oh and the guy you take it from also breaks the fourth wall constantly. Classy.

And of course, there’s also the department store to check out. Let’s see what I can find here...

Oh ho! TMs ahoy! Let’s see, what I want to buy... Hmmm Shout NEEDS TM07 Horn Drill and TM 32 Double Team so that’s a given *taught over Leer and Poison Sting*, he can also use Submission for the coverage *taught over Horn Attack*. Take Down is a full upgrade for Tonguetied, Screentime, and Bud. Reflect and Double Team are the only other useful ones members of my team can learn but they all interfere with restrictions or just aren’t needed so I guess that’s it. Well this should be a big boost to the team!

Guy behind counter: “Oh hi there, I just finished Pokemon! You can use this now that I’m done!”
*hands me TM18 Counter*
.... You broke the fourth wall too. WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THIS TOWN BREAK THE FOURTH WALL? You’re ruining my immersion!

The next floor has evolutionary stones I’ll never need, and the next floor has Protein and the like, as well as the much desired X-Items! Thanks to limited inventory space, I’m going to leave those and buy them on an “as needed” basis though.

Top floor, Lemonade and random TMs from a thirsty little girl!
*TM 13 Ice beam, TM 48 Rock Slide and TM 49 Tri Attack obtained*
Now let’s see who can use these awesome TMs...
*Random and Shout can use Ice Beam, Shout can use Rock Slide and no one can learn Tri Attack*
Dangit, Shout and Random are kind of out of space thanks to their restrictions so I can’t even use these TMs right now. Well I might give Ice Beam to Shout when it comes time to fight the Elite Four, but for now these TMs are relegated to the PC...

In the south of town I relieved a man of his Coin Case (and I do mean relieved; he was quitting his gambling addiction!) and encountered this brilliant Team Rocket member:
“Don’t touch the poster at the Game Corner! There’s no secret switch behind it!”
Such incredible (lack of) intelligence is so rarely seen in the real world.

Young Woman in hotel: “I’m on vacation with my brother and boy friend. Celadon is such a pretty city!”
Yeah yeah, sure is... wait, “brother and boy friend”? That... seems a little awkward...
Her boyfriend: “Why did she bring her brother?”
The world will never know.

Alright, now for the game corner! I won’t be doing any slots here, at least not at the moment, since the only move I could conceivably want from here would be Hyper Beam, and I really don’t *need* that yet. So I might as well move onto the main event. Team Rocket, you’re going to end up blasting off again!

Before we storm the hideout though, let’s talk to the gamblers and see what they have to say.

Gambler: “Keep this quiet. It’s rumoured that this place is run by Team Rocket.”
Wait what? I thought everyone knew that. I mean they’re kind of walking all over the city in uniform. It’s not exactly subtle.

Woah, the gym advice guy is here! I had forgotten about that! I guess that wasn’t a new thing for Leaf Green. Props to Gamefreak for getting in on the lampshade hanging early.

And at the back that rocket grunt is staring right at the poster on the wall. Could you be any more obvious?
“I’m guarding this poster! Go away, or else!”
... I guess so.

*one quick battle and a button press later*
And there the stairs are. Seriously, what’s the point of carefully hiding a secret button to an incredibly well hidden staircase, only to post an insanely visible guard in front of it? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of hiding it in the first place? Then again, maybe whoever is in charge knew that the grunts were all mentally defective, and knew someone would blab about it so a guard was necessary. But then why hide the staircase in the first place? Oh whatever, let’s just go end this idiocy.

Grunt: “Who are you? How did you get in here?”
...... well it really wasn’t that hard you know.

Oh and the music here is awesome. Just listen to it while you read this. You’ll thank yourself later.
This has to be one of the best pieces 8-bit music has to offer.

Oh ho, the infamous spinning tiles, in all their original glory! When I first played this game these things screwed me over so much... oh how I’ve grown.

Grunt: “Boss says you can see ghosts with the Silph Scope!”
Well thanks for sharing the plot relevant information with me for no particular reason. Seriously, for mass murdering, thieving and cheating fuckwads, you lot sure are helpful sometimes.
And I won’t quote him word for word, but after you beat him proceeds to tell you more useful information about the layout of the base. Seriously, do they WANT me to dismantle their organization or something?

Damn, the tiles move you a lot slower in Gen I than they do in the later generations. This could take a while...

Disembodied voice of exposition: “No more room for items!”
FUCK! Have I mentioned how much I hate limited bag space before? Because I totally fucking hate it. I’m in the middle of the damn maze and now I need to backtrack to the Pokemon Center so I can actually pick up all the stuff down here... goddamn this shit.

*After storing and selling some stuff*
And the item I couldn’t pick up is TM 07! Horn Dri- wait didn’t I just buy this? I call BULLSHIT!

Ok, there’s the lift but of course I can’t use it yet, so onwards to the rest of the facility.
Rocket Grunt: “Why did you come here?”
Well I would just say because I like watching you little worms squirm, but he does raise a good point. Why the hell DOES your character decide to infiltrate a base of murdering thugs on his own anyway? It’s never really explained other than “hey, you can do this! Why don’t you do it?” And you don’t even learn about the Silph Scope until you’re already inside. I mean, there are police in this game (you see ‘em in Celadon and hear about the Global Police on the S.S. Anne) so why don’t you go to them or something? Ah whatever, I don’t even really give a shit. It’s Gen I Pokemon; the plot is so hardly existent to begin with that plot holes are hardly noticeable anyway.

*TheRainbow is evolving*
*TheRainbow stopped evolving because he isn’t colourful enough yet!*

And it turns out that the staircase at the end of the spinner maze is just a dead end, with a couple grunts and a Hyper Potion. Why? I don’t know. I guess Gamefreak just likes to fuck with me.

Rocket Grunt: “Go ahead and go! But, you need the Lift Key to run the elevator!”
Well thanks for the help! Why are these guys so bad again? Oh right, murdering Pokemon. Seriously, there is one hell of a dichotomy here.

And more spinner mazes. Joy.

Aha, TM 10 Double Edge! I might end up giving this to Random or someone else later on... it’ll get some use on someone I’m sure.

And TM 02 is on the next floor. It’s Razor Wind, though why anyone would want to use a charge up, base 80 normal type attack is beyond me.

Team Rocket Grunt: “Oh no! I dropped the Lift Key!”
Ah the classics...

Alright, I’m going to open the path to the elevator from the first floor.
*Door magically opens after the grunt is defeated*
I just don’t question this crap anymore.

Alright, time to visit the big boss himself. Say your prayers bastard, because this time I’m not bothering taking you in. You can’t escape when you’re a mutilated corpse!
*evil grin*

Oh but he has a couple of guards outside his door, which have slightly more powerful Pokemon than the other grunts. Not powerful enough though.
*two trashed grunts later, the door magically opens*
Not questioning it. Here I come Giovanni... I hope you’re ready! TO DIE! BWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!

*Giovanni sends out an Onix, I lead with TheRainbow*
Oh noes, a normal type against a rock type? Whatever shall I do?
*Bubblebeam to oblivion*
And a Rhyhorn too? Oh I is so scared.
Ah Khangaskhan next. This is one that TheRainbow really can’t handle. Thankfully though, Shout just learned a little surprise for you. Now, bow to the king!
*SUBMISSION! Both of us crit, but both of us survive*
*Kangaskhan is forced to kneel in a pool of its own shame piss*

Yeah cut the villain speech and prepare to meet your doom... via bubbles!
*Suddenly lights go out, Silph Scope is on the ground and Giovanni is gone*

.... well I guess I might as well head to the Pokemon Tower now. Or actually... hmmm I think I want to do a couple things first.

First, there’s something on Route 16 that I think my dear Screentime will like very much.
*Claims HM 02 from the hermit living with her Fearow*
Alright, goodbye useless Gust, hello Flying type STAB! But hey, I can’t use it outside of battle yet! Well I got a solution for that...

That’s right, I’m going to take on Surge now! I figure a 5 level advantage over his main Pokemon is enough, and STAB Take Down should give Screentime enough power to do what needs to be done.

*one long trip back to Vermillion later*
Alright, I’m finally here. Now to take out the lackeys... with Random. Because I’m boss like that. Well except for the Pikachu, because Screentime called dibs on those.
*Many OHKOs later*
Alright, now let’s see... Switches. This is such an annoying puzzle...
*Completes it in one go*
Wow, I got lucky that time. Usually I miss the second switch like 5 times in a row before I finally get it. Seriously, this is the most asinine puzzle in the entire series. Luck based missions are just annoying.

Alright, so it’s time to get down to business!
Lt. Surge: “Hey kid, what do you think you’re doing here?”
Coming to kick your sorry ass. With a Pidgeotto. Because I can (and also, requirements).

*Screentime faces off against his... Voltorb?*
Wait what? Since when did he lead with a Voltorb? Well Screentime doesn’t have to deal with this, so I’ll send out Shout to keep Screentime in good condition.
*Shout OHKOs the Voltorb after taking only 5 damage on the switch in*
Alright, NOW his Pikachu is coming out. Screentime, here’s your chance for revenge! Take it Down!
*Easy OHKO, it’s level 18 afterall*
Ok, so time for the real challenge now... Raichu. Sure I outlevel it by 5 levels but it’s got STAB Thundershock, which I’m weak to. This could be rough. Well, let’s hope for an OHKO and use Take Down!
*it moves first, brings Screentime to 1HP with a critical thundershock. Screentime then proceeds to KO itself with recoil, leaving Raichu in the red*
OH COME ON! If it hadn’t critted I could’ve finished it off with Quick Attack! Ah well, this time I have revives so I don’t have to reset... Shout, you hold in there while I heal up Screentime.
*A revive and a Super Potion later Screentime is ready to get back in the fight. Raichu also gets an unnecessary X Speed used on it*
Alright, let’s just hope that he doesn’t get OHKO’d or something on the switch...
*Tundershock takes out around a third of Screentime’s health on the switch*
Alright that’s good then. Even if it goes for Quick Attack I should be ok. So, Quick Attack Screentime!
*Raichu goes down!*
VICTORY! Though a bit of hax did kind of sort of cause Screentime to faint. Oh, and now he’s overleveled. Again. I mean compared to the rest of my team mind you; he was overleveled compared to Surge since the start. I can’t imagine how horrible this would have been had I attempted this last chapter...

So, the Thunderbadge and TM- oh nevermind my backpack is full again. -.-
*one annoying trip the Pokemon center later*
Alright NOW I got TM 24 Thunderbolt, which Surge recommends teaching to an electric Pokemon. Just to fuck with him, I teach it to TheRainbow instead, right in front of his face. I DEFY YOU!

So now when TheRainbow levels up again he can evolve! Booyah! Also, Fly! This backtracking was worth it I think. Time to go to Lavender Town! Screentime let’s fly!

Alright now, let’s see... who do I have who can actually attack Ghost-types? Screentime can use his newly acquired Fly, TheRainbow has a couple moves, and Random has Dragon Rage. Bud can attack but would do pathetic damage, while Shout and TongueTied are completely helpless. Something tells me I could be better prepared for this.

Unfortunately though, I can’t actually be better prepared, so I’m going in anyway. I think there’s going to be some level discrepancies by the time I get through this godforsaken place.

Alright, so first let’s catch us an –oh lord is that a Ghastly?

It’s hardly got any form at all! I know it’s supposed to be made of gas and all, but damn did they take that to an extreme with this. It’s just a bunch of gas with eyes and fangs that look like they could be used as daggers. Jeeze, as if this place wasn’t scary enough already. Remind me how I didn’t shit my pants when playing this as a kid again?

*several battles later*
*TheRainbow is evolving!*
And for real this time!
*TheRainbow evolved into Persian*
And now the critical hits should start rolling in. Oh yes!

*Encounters a Haunter*

Seriously, how did I get trough shit like this?
Channeler: “You... shall... join... us...”
Really how?
Channeler: “Give... me... your... soul...”
Channeler: “ZOMBIES!”
Oh right, that’s how. Hilarity.
Channeler: “Give... me... blood...”

*Cubone is caught*
Alright, that’s all the wild Pokemon here. I wonder if I’ll be able to get the item from the next Aide yet...

Thank lord they have that purified zone here (which is just a bunch of white squares on the ground btw) because otherwise this tower would be a massive pain in the ass. Ghastly are annoying enough as it is with their parafusion hijinks.

Ah, Marowak mother time. I still find it wierd that you have to fight it... in order calm it down. It doesn’t make a lot of sense... unless “calm” is code for “knocked out cold”.

Alright, Rocket bashing time! Again! Damn bastards. They just love causing trouble for no good reason, but a graveyard? That’s just tasteless!

Rocket Grunt: “What do you want? Why are you here?”
.... again, good question. What impetuous does the story have for directing you here again?

Rocket Grunt: “This old guy came and complained about us harming useless Pokemon! We’re talking it over as adults!”
There is just so much wrong with this statement that I have no words to describe it. I swear, Team Rocket is evil just for the sake of being evil.

Well anyway, dealt with them easily and now Mr. Fuji is rescued! Though he claims that he came here of his own free will. I, honestly, am suspicious of this claim due to the implied torture in the last quote. But hey, it’s all cool because he takes me straight to his house and hands me the ever useful Poke Flute, replacing my Awakenings forever.

Heh, you know what I just realized? You could totally skip Erika for a while just like Lt. Surge since you don’t need Strength until you get to the Seafoam Islands. I’m not going to though, because I’m expecting her to be pretty damn easy... especially since this time there’s no soloing requirements.

One annoying thing about this is that I need Cut to get into the gym and navigate inside it, so I have to store a Pokemon to make room for my cutting Bellsprout. Looks like TheRainbow is sitting this one out.

I’m going to refrain from commenting on the creepy old man, since making jokes there is too easy. Seriously. EVERYONE HAS MADE THAT JOKE. Including me!

Well first things first; LACKEYS! There’s a surprisingly large number of them in here. I mean Pewter had 1, Celadon 2, Vermillion 3, and then BAM Celadon has 7. C’mon Erika, you ruined the pattern!

*First Lass nearly wipes out the 6 levels higher Bud*
ARRRRG WRAP IS SO BROKEN! First, Stun Spore so I’m slower. Then, Wrap, continuously, leaving me completely unable to move. FOR DOZENS OF TURNS. I had to switch out to TongueTied, who immediately had the same done to him. FINALLY though he got a Swift off when Wrap missed and finished it. Good god I hope the rest of the fights turn out better.

*Bud learned Razor Leaf*
Oh thank lord, a STAB move with more than 10 PP and half-ways decent BP. Bud is going to benefit from this greatly.

Oh my word.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE WOMAN? That’s not beautiful, that’s friggin’ DEFORMED!

Jr. Trainer: “Aren’t you the peeping tom?”
WHAT? Oh hell no, you did NOT just confuse me with the creepy old guy outside.
*smashes into oblivion*

*a few more battles later*
Alright, that’s everyone. Now it’s time for Erika herself! Screentime, looks like you’re going to be getting the spotlight once again!

Erika: “Hello. Lovely weather isn't it? It's so pleasant. ...Oh dear... I must have dozed off. Welcome. My name is Erika. I am the Leader of Celadon Gym. I teach the art of flower arranging. My Pokémon are of the grass-type. Oh, I'm sorry, I had no idea that you wished to challenge me.”
... You’re high aren’t you?

Yup, high as a kite.

*I lead with Screentime, she leads with Victreebel*
Let’s Fly! Fly away to victory!
*Fly does over 2/3 to Victreebel, and Poisonpowder misses on the turn Screentime is on the ground*
Oh yes. One more time!
*Down it goes*
Yeah this is shaping up to be the easiest gym since Brock. Alright, two more to go! The blue spaghetti ball is next.
*Fly critical hits and Tangela is OHKO’d*
Just like the collection of limp noodles you are! Next up is Vileplume. This should be easy.

Oh god. It’s staring into my soul. MAKE IT STOP SCREENTIME MAKE IT STOP!
*Fly 2HKOs*

Well after that Screentime wanted to learn Wing Attack, but I said no since I need to keep a status move and Take Down and Quick attack have more utility (raw power and raw speed). So yeah, Erika hands me the Rainbowbadge and TM 21 Mega Drain (which will not get used, thanks to TongueTied’s restrictions).

And well I guess that’s it for this chapter! Next chapter, I got two paths to choose from. Which will I take? Find out next time! (Though if you read my Leaf Green Scramble you pretty much already know). Until then, audios!


Location: Pewter City
Badges: 4
Pokemon: 6
Retries: 5 (Maybe I’ll be able to keep it from getting higher)


Bud the Ivysaur
Level 31
Take Down
Leech Seed
Razor Leaf

Bud is really kind of where he was last chapter. He’s still doing alright but not spectacularly well. His bulk isn’t remarkable anymore, though Take Down really helped him in the offensive power category. He also got Razor Leaf, though it hasn’t seen much use yet. I do expect it to be very, very useful in the future though. His prospects for next chapter are pretty dismal though, seeing as he can’t evolve until level 37. He’ll almost certainly fall behind the curve during that time, but after that I expect things to pick up a lot.

Screentime the Pidgeotto
Level 31
Quick Attack
Take Down

Man, Screentime saw a LOT of action this chapter. He faired predictably poorly during his fight with Lt. Surge, but a lot of that was hax. He absolutely slaughetered Erika though, demonstrating just how useful having a STAB flying attack is going to be from now on. In fact, Screentime has shot up in usefulness a lot recently thanks to the addition of Fly and Take Down. He actually has some attack power now! Of course this increase in usefulness is likely to be relatively short lived. Being stuck as a Pidgeotto until level 49 is not going to help his cause.

Shout the Nidoking
Level 30
Horn Drill
Double Team

Shout saw almost a complete change in his moveset this chapter, with Thrash being the only move remaining from last chapter. However this honestly hasn’t changed his use much; Thrash around until everything is dead. The only real change is the now he isn’t useless against Rock types thanks to Submission, and also I do get a bit of a bonus against normal types. Horn Drill and Double Team would sync well together you’d think, but Horn Drill is pretty much useless on him evasion boost or not. In generation 1 its accuracy is based on your speed compared to your opponents, and while Shout isn’t sluggish, he isn’t fast enough to get lots of kills with that thing. I might use it at some point, but the chances of that aren’t particularly high.

Random the Gyarados
Level 30
Body Slam
Dragon Rage

Oh Random, how you have surprised me so. I thought your restrictions were going to kill me, and instead you are the most powerful Pokemon in my party by far. Body Slam doesn’t OHKO absolutely everything anymore though (just most things), so I may possibly replace it at some point. Dragon Rage proved invaluable in the Pokemon Tower, seeing as it was one of the only moves I could actually use to hit all those damn ghosts. There’s nothing really much else to say, and little is likely to change in the near future. Random is just ready and roarin’ to go slaughter him some wimpy Pokemon!

TongueTied the Golbat
Level 30
Take Down
Supersonic (unusable)
Confuse Ray (unusable)

Well, the verdict is in, and TongueTied is actually semi-useful. True he doesn’t contribute much to the team aside from a few useful resistances, but he has decent bulk and attack power thanks to his evolution and the addition of Take Down to his moveset. He’s no bruiser or wall, but he gets the job done. Of course though, he’s going to barely improve at all as time goes on thanks to his restrictions. He’ll get Wing Attack in a couple levels at least, giving him some STAB. I just don’t get why he can’t learn Fly in generation I though. I mean, freaking PIDGEY can learn it, but not a giant friggin’ bat? What were you on Gamefreak?

TheRainbow the Persian
Level 30

And finally he’s evolved! And goddamn, just look at those claws. Well he won’t be using those any time soon since Slash is a long way off... but in the meantime, Thunderbolt has certainly proven useful. It is my only Electric Type attack after all, and really helped against those Ghost types in the Pokemon tower. Bubblebeam also showed its power against Giovanni. Without it those Rock types would’ve demolished him. Honestly though, I don’t know how powerful TheRainbow really is yet, since I haven’t actually used him since he evolved. I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out next chapter now won’t I?

Alright, so now what’s next? Let’s see, I can go to Saffron City or Fuchsia City, and if I go to Fuchsia City I got two routes to choose from. I think I’ll do Fuchsia first, since I very much doubt I’ll be ready to fight Blue once I get to him in Silph Co. if I go there now. Besides, I think it might actually still be blocked off...

Well anyway, I guess I’ll go down Bicycle Road first. Of course, there’s a big fatty in my way... I think I’ll just have to catch him!

*plays pokeflute*
I mean, see? That old guy was full of shit.

Anyway, Snorlax attacked me because apparently he isn’t a morning person. So now I must catch him! Man this is going to be rough without any sleep inducers...

*It uses Rest first turn*
Ooooo boy. This is going to be uber rough.
*it does this 3 times more while TheRainbow futilely bites away at him*
Oh cmon, I need a crit!
*finally gets a crit, brings it into mid yellow*
Whatever, close enough. Sure it’ll never work, seeing as it just woke up, but whatever.
*It works first shot*
.... o.o
WELP I’m just going to go eat my own words now, I’ll be back in a few.

Anyway... *catches a Doduo here*
Alright, now let’s fight a jillion and a half bikers!

Holy shit, are these people or sea urchins planted on manikins riding motorcycles? That is the spikiest head I’ve ever seen!

And this Cue ball!

Let’s ignore the derpy expression for a second and focus on that codpiece. Seriously, just look at that thing. And the shoulder pads. AND THE WHIP! Did this guy just step out of some S&M version of Mad Max or something?

Holy geeze, these guys have high level Pokemon too. I mean the Weezing this one guy has is level 33! None of my team is above level 31! I’m starting to question this choice of route... I know from looking at Bulbapedia that the Pokemon in Silph Co. are weaker.

Well whatever, a challenge is nice and I do have Fly so I can just head back whenever I need healing. Let’s go wipe out some more Cue Balls and Bikers!

Oh and also, I catch a Raticate because I happened to bump into one while looking for items.

What’s this? TongueTied wants to learn Wing Attack? HELLS YEAH!

Oh god.

That Machoke clearly has severe brain damage, what’s it doing fighting? You horrible swine Cue Ball, making this poor thing fight!

And is it just me, or is this Primape just a collection of random sketch marks with a face, nose and limbs?

That or it just came out worse in a fight with an angry cat, which is ironic since it just did come out worse in a fight with an angry cat (TheRaibow go!)

Oh and Bud wants to evolve!
*Bud trollface*
Oh, never mind, he was just trolling me.

Cue ball: “My Pokemon won’t evolve! Why?”
Yeah tell me about it. Asshole Pokemon, the-
*sends out a Machoke*
Nevermind, yours is a different reason having less to do with jerkassness and more to do with the lack of a link cable.

Ah Random wishes to learn Leer... and I can’t stop him. CURSE YOU RNG GODS, CURSE YOU!
*Random gets lock-jaw upon learning leer, disabling his Bite forever*
Poor Random...

And suddenly here we are, at the end of cycling road, route 18. Nothing here but some Bird Keepers and some guy that wants to trade a Slowbro for a Lickitung. Yeah, this route is kind of pointless.

Bird keeper: “This is my turf! Get out!”
Errr what about the two other guys here? Do they not count?

Well anyways, here we are Fuchs-

Errr alright then, I guess we’ll explore this city that apparently had the largest bubblegum bubble ever conceived burst on it.

Oh damn, Bill’s grandfather lives here!
Bill’s Grandfather: “He always liked collecting things even as a child!”
Bill’s Grandfather: “...”
Ok the world is doomed, hope you’re happy with that.

Safari Zone Warden: “Hif fuff hefifoo! Ha lof ha feef ee hafahi ho. Heff he fwee!”
Well now I know whose bubblegum it was that coated this city... you might want to kick that habbit bub.

Ah, a Good Rod you say Mr. Fishing guru’s older brother? Sure, I’ll take your free shit!
*immediately catches a Poliwag and Goldeen*

Oh, and apparently half of the entire town is a zoo, which is awesome. I wish half my city was a zoo. Actually, on second thought, I take that back. The stench would be horrendous.

Lapras Sign: “Name: Lapras. A.K.A. the king of the seas.”
I can’t be the only one who think that Lapras looks way, way more like the queen of the seas can I?

Tell me that doesn’t look feminine to you.

Well that’s enough here... time for the Safari Zone! I’ll catch everything I can in here too because I think I need 50 species for the Exp. All, and I’m currently only at 42. The Exp. All will be pretty awesome, allowing me to train the whole team equally without having to use them individually. I’ll be able to use whichever Pokemon fits the situation best instead of whichever one needs training for once!

Alright, so let’s see what’s in he-
*evolution music starts playing as soon as I step in*
... Evolution music? They used the evolution music for the Safari Zone? The fuck is this laziness Gamefreak? The fuck?


Also, some conversations along the way...
Random Mohawk guy: “I caught a Chansey! That makes this all worthwhile!”
You lucky bastard you... wait, why does a motherfucker with a Mohawk want a Chansey anyway?

*encounters a Parasect*

Holy shit fuck, that thing looks evil, if oddly crippled by its strange lack of legs and bizarre swelling on its mushroom. I think it’s sick.

Scientist looking guy: “Tossing rocks at Pokemon might make them run, but they’ll be easier to catch.”
Yeah, why is that exactly? At least the bait makes sense, the rocks just confuse me. Is it implying that you’re actually hurting them and bringing their HP down or something? Honestly, to me it just seems more likely to ensure you become a Rhyhorn’s supper than anything else...

*halfway through the safari Zone on my 3rd trip though*
Disembodied voice of exposition: “No more room for Items!”

*encounters a Chansey while running out the clock so I can store items*
OOOOO coolness! Not like I’ll ever catch it bu-
*catches it on first toss*
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I guess one turn of bad luck must be made up for with one of good! Well this time at least anyway.

Sign: “Request notice: Please find the Safari Warden’s lost Gold Teeth, They’re around here somewhere”
*they’re less than a dozen steps below the sign*
... Really? You couldn’t walk down a dozen more steps and see them, laying there in playing sight? The incompetence... it’s... wow. Just wow.

Well anyway, I think I’ve gotten everything here now. Here’s the haul if you’re interested:

*TM 37 Egg Bomb (useless), TM 40 Skull Bash (also useless), the Gold Teeth, TM 32 Double Team (don’t I already have that?) and of course HM 03 Surf*
*Venonat, Parasect, Exeggcute, Ryhorn (after many attempts, damn running bastard), CHANSEY (fuck yeah!), and a Nidorina*

Alright, I guess I’ll give the Warden back his teeth now. Apparently it was the lack of teeth and not an extra large wad of bubblegum that made him unintelligible. The mystery of the bubblegum city remains unsolved it would seem...

So anyway, Shout gets Strength over Thrash, not really because I think it’s better than Thrash but because only Random can learn it otherwise, and he’s not allowed to learn it, whereas Shout has only two spaces open for meddling with and I can’t really afford to get rid of the coverage offered by Submission. Just to take out my frustrations, I immediately use it to steal a Rare Candy from the Warden. Take that world!

Anyway, now I get to go through routes 15-12. Unfortunately, parts of these routes require Cut to access... so I have to haul that damn Bellsprout along. At least I think after this you don’t need cut anymore...

*After several battles*
Aw cmon people, say something interesting... I have nothing to make fun of D:

Biker: “Fork over all your cash when you lose to me, kid!”
Ah finally some excitement. I get to beat up some low brow robbers! Wooo!
After defeat: “I was just joking about the money!”
... I should’ve known. There isn’t anything interesting on this route at all is there :(

Wait what’s this?


I just want to forget this route now.

Oh this is just rich. You know what was on that road beyond the cuttable tree? An annoying trainer with a Minimize spamming Clefairy and TM 20... which contains RAGE. I swear, this is the worst troll of Gamefreak’s ever.

Biker: “Cmon let’s go let’s go let’s go!”
O.o what are you on?
“What, what, What? What do you want?”
Jeeze man, you need to lay off the speed.

Man there are a lot of Bird trainers and Bikers around here. Kind of an odd combination really... I guess they both like the wide open spaces?

And they all have evolved Pokemon too. Up until now I didn’t really consider these challanges nearly as hard as I had intended, but now the difficulty is definitely beginning to pick up.

Oh and here we are at the random-ass fence maze. Why is there a random fence maze? Who the hell knows, maybe aliens did it. I dare you to come up with a more coherent explanation. C’mon, really, I dare yah.

Jr. Trainer (female): “You got those badges from gym leaders. I know!”
... oh wow, and I thought the mentally disabled in this game were limited to the Pokemon and Team Rocket grunts.

Another female Jr. Trainer: “I’m told I’m good for a kid!”
*has 5 unevolved, early game, lv 24 pokemon*
Well I’m sorry, but whoever told you that was patronizing you. Really, I am sorry.

Oh hey an item! Let’s jus- fuck. I need Cut to get it and I put Bellsprout back ages ago... well I’m really close to the Route 11 entrance now so I might as well go to Vermillion instead of all the way back to Fuchsia. This means I have another Snorlax to deal with, but this time catching it isn’t on the itinerary...
*evil grin*

*Random quickly dispatches of the Snorlax and fires the body out to sea with a mighty Surf*
Cya never again yah great flabby roadblock!

Oh, now it’s the fish Guru’s YOUNGER brother, who also seems to exist for the sole purpose of handing out fishing rods to people. So yeah, I get a free Super Rod. That’ll prove useful for getting those last two entries I need to get the Exp. All...

Fisherman: “You never know what you’ll catch!”
Yeah, like AIDS or syphilis! Oh you were talking about fishing
and not promiscuous unprotected sex. Sorry, my bad.

And that’s it for here then eh? Well I guess what’s next up is Silph Co. where I’ll finally get to take out Team Rocket, once and for all (until the next games come out anyway)! Let’s get it on!

NEXT CHAPTER! *evil grin!* Yes I’m doing the same thing I did with Leaf Green... I’m going to do Silph Co, Sabrina and Koga all in one jam packed chapter! Packed full of lovely, lovely jam. Raspberry! Mmmmm.... until then though, audios!
Mmmm raaaaaspberrrryyy


Location: Pewter City
Badges: 4
Pokemon: 6
Retries: 5 (If I had had one in THIS chapter, that’d be REALLY embarrassing.)


Bud the Ivysaur
Level 35
Take Down
Leech Seed
Razor Leaf

Damn, does Razor Leaf ever make a difference. This isn’t just because it’s a decent grass type STAB for Bud, oh no, what really puts it over the top is that increased critical hit ratio. I swear, he crits more with Razor Leaf than he doesn’t and he’s not even that fast! Of course it should be pointed out that increased critical hit ratio moves practically quadrupled the chance of a critical in generation I, so it’s not that unexpected. In any case, it makes him far more potent than he was before simply because he has so much more offensive power. And when I feel like it, I can still totally go with Leech Seed and Growl to slowly wear an opponent down. And he evolves in two levels too! Suffice to say, Bud has taken a level in badass since last chapter.

Screentime the Pidgeotto
Level 35
Quick Attack
Take Down

Oh Screentime, I don’t know how I forgot how weak Pidgeotto was. Even with some decent attacks now, Screentime is still the hardest of my Pokemon to train. Yes, even more than TongueTied because at least he has some bulk. Screentime has both the lowest offenses and defences on my team now, so that should pretty much sum it up right there. At least Fly proves really useful, in and out of battle. But even that isn’t strong enough to OHKO most evolved Grass types. And he still has another 14 levels to go before evolving! Well I asked for a challenge, and man did I get one. I have no idea how he’s going to take on Blue’s Charizard next chapter... I’ll figure something out I suppose. Hyper Beam maybe?

Shout the Nidoking
Level 35
Horn Drill
Double Team

Shout is still trucking along, doing decent as always. He did get a bit of a downgrade this chapter in Strength. Thrash has a little bit more power to it and uses up way, way less PP due to its uncontrollable nature, whereas usually everying is dead before the confusion sets in anyway. Really it’s the PP that’s the issue, not the BP. He’s more than good enough to take most things down with Strength; the real issue is that it takes more than one hit to take pretty much anything down, and that means he burns through the 15 PP Strength has pretty damn quickly. Thankfully there’s a certain, very powerful TM waiting for him in Silph Co. that should allow him shoot through the rankings with ease. Earthquake, Shout is awaiting your power!

Random the Gyarados
Level 35
Body Slam

Well Random finally has his moveset completed, and let me tell you, he has gained a lot more from doing that than he’s lost. Losing Bite and Dragon Rage is nothing compared to the sheer fury that is Surf. A STAB 95 BP move coming off the highest Special Stat of any of my pokemon? You can bet it wrecks shit up! I don’t think I’ve seen anything take more than two hits from Random since he got it, and I don’t expect that to change much in the future. Damn, and I thought I had pulled the short end of the stick with the moves I RNG’d for him. Turns out that all he needs are two moves to dominate, and Surf was the only one I needed to RNG!

TongueTied the Golbat
Level 35
Take Down
Wing Attack
Confuse Ray (unusable)

Ah TongueTied, the most inconsequential member of my team. I already have a Flying type, with a better Flying Type STAB and several Poison Types for defensive reasons. TongueTied brings nothing else to the team, and has power on par with Screentime due to his lack of a decent STAB (Wing Attack is 35BP in gen I remember, meaning it’s actually weaker than Swift even with STAB). Still, in battle he manages to come out ahead of Screentime because of one little factor; he actually has bulk and half ways decent defensive typing. He can actually take a few hits, meaning Take Down recoil doesn’t utterly destroy him. Still, if I were to suddenly lose him completely for some reason, I’d never notice the loss. Poor bugger is starting to shape up to be like Wotter from Sapphire... not a horrible Pokemon, but just doesn’t add anything to the team.

TheRainbow the Persian
Level 35

So now I’ve actually gotten a taste of what Persian is like, and I have to say it’s an awful lot like an upgraded version of Meowth. A few more crits, a bit more power, a bit more bulk and that’s really all there is to say. Ironically, as already mentioned, he actually crits less than Bud does with Razor Leaf, but he still comes a close second in that regard. However it still isn’t often enough I can exactly rely on it. What I can rely on though is the welcome coverage his moveset offers me. In a team with so little variance in attacking types, Thunderbolt is particularly welcome. What TheRainbow really needs to shine though is Slash. Unfortunately though, that isn’t going to happen until level 51, which is a long ways off yet. In the meantime I expect he’ll still be useful, if not exactly a standout. Maybe if I got him something better than Bite to use...

Alright Saffron City, here we come!

Security guard: “I’m on guard duty. Gee, I’m thirsty, though!”
Well here you go, some delicious... wait, where is that damn tea?
*pats down bag, starts chucking things everywhere*
FUCK! Either I forgot to get it or it’s in my PC. Thank lord Celadon is right here...

Yup, not in my PC box... how did I miss getting the tea?

... Strange the place to get it isn’t in the Celadon mansion like in Leaf Green... I... actually don’t know where to find it.
*To Bulbapedia!*
..... Apparently, you actually don’t use Tea in generation I. You use fresh water, lemonade and the like. Damn, I had totally forgotten. It has been like a decade since I made it this far in a generation one game after all...

*One drink shopping spree later*
Alright Mr. Guard, take a drink and let me through already.
... damn, I haven’t seen so much glubbing and gulping since I watched that Snorlax drown. This guy has to be the noisiest drinker in existence. Also, somehow after all that gulping and glubbing, he still has enough left over to share it with the other 3 gate guards. Geeze man, my Pidgeotto can guzzle one of those down and still be thirsty, how the hell is it slaking the thirst of four men all of a sudden?

And suddenly everything is a greenish-yellow that reminds me of vomit. Thanks Saffron City, I really wanted that image in my head.

Team Rocket member: “With Silph under control, we can exploit Pokemon around the world!”
Wait what? How does that work? Is Silph some sort of mega-company that owns the entire Pokemon world or something? Because last I checked, controlling the headquarters of one company by force didn’t give you global domination, it gave you a single building filled with angry people.

Ah, and here’s Mr. Psychic, who of course gives away Psychic. I don’t think any of my team can learn it though...

Oh, and you know the rocket grunt that’s supposed to be guarding the entrance of Silph Co.? Apparently he fell asleep... and also over, since he’s no longer in front of the door. And yet, he’s still turning around constantly... kinda creepy that.

Rocket Grunt: “Being evil makes me feel so alive!”
.... well I guess I was right when I said that Team Rocket was just being evil for the sake of being evil. I thought I was joking though...

And of course Sabrina’s gym is blocked off. Why doesn’t SHE do something about this lot of hooligans? I highly doubt any of these ragamuffins could stand up to her... Unless she’s involved!

Aaaaaaaanyway, before we enter Silph Co. there’s something else here I had totally forgotten about... the dojo! I might as well go in there and take care of it first.

Blackbelt: “Hooah! You’re trespassing in our fighting dojo!”
... Then why did you leave the door wide open?
*Random promptly smashes him*

Wait, a lv 36 Primape? Holy shit, when’d these guys get such high level Pokemon? Oh whatever, I’ll still demolish them. 4 members of my team resist fighting and one of the others hits them super effectively, so I’m not that worried.

Just for giggles I made them all line up in a single row when I battled them, so now they look like those doofuses outside of Saffron City gate. That’s right guys, single file!

Alright dojo leader, let’s do the kung-fu fighting! Or rather, you do that while Random smashes your ass.
*it’s over quickly*
So yeah, you don’t have a badge so I get a Pokemon instead! But I need to make party space to get it. Goddamn you first generation, why can’t you just transport it to my PC like in future generations?

So which one do I take? I don’t even freaking care!
*Picks at random, gets Hitmonlee*
So there we go, another Pokedex entry and now it’s time for Silph Co.! As soon as I get my whole team together again anyway...

*Another trip to the PC later*
Alright, NOW I’m finally ready for Silph Co.! Cue Mission Impossible theme!
Aw yeah, now I’m REALLY ready!

Alright, I’m going to do what I did in Leaf Green so I don’t get lost. Work my way through all the areas I can get to without using teleporters first, then get the Card Key and work through all the areas I can access using that without using teleporters, THEN I fuck around with the teleporters and get hopelessly lost. Foolproof!

Scientist, after defeat: “Can you solve the maze in here?”
Of course I can I mean- hey wait a second, Silph Co. made this place to be INTENTIONALLY maze-like? Er... why? Were they expecting an attack or something? Well fat lot of good that did them...

Rocket Grunt after defeat: “A hint? You can open doors with a Card Key!”
Wait what? What kind of evil organization’s grunts gives their enemies HINTS when they’re defeated? I mean on purpose too this time, not due to unbelievable stupidity. I’m starting to wonder if it’s not some sort of bizarre policy or something. I’m trying to think of a reason why you might have such a policy, but honestly... I couldn’t come up with one. There just is no explanation for this.

Oh, and here’s the random juggler

Woah, holy shit he looks about 20 times more sinister in Generation 1. Suddenly he doesn’t seem quite so out of place.

And... oh god, that Mr. Mime

Tell me that doesn’t look like the freakiest clown you’ve ever seen. I swear those shadows are really grease stains from the fried children he ate for lunch.

Rocket Grunt: “Show Team Rocket a bit of respect!”
Show respect to the murdering fucktards that do more to harm their own organization than they do to help it? No, I think I’ll pass on that, thanks.

*Screentime is evolving*
:D yes, maybe he won’t be useless.
*Oh, no wait, he’s just trolling you too. He actually doesn’t evolve for 13 more levels*

Well anyway, I’ve decided that I actually know how to get the card key here so rather than trek through the whole place twice I’m just going to grab it, explore all the places I couldn’t reach on the floors I’ve already done, then do the upper floors all at once. Save some time, avoid teleporters for longer. Maybe I won’t go insane.

*Does the little enter the teleporter twice trick, gets the Card Key and begins backtracking*
Backtracking! Everyone’s favourite part of every game ever!

Oh cool, this Silph employee cowering in a corner gave me TM36 because she thought I was Team Rocket for a second. Not sure I follow that logic, but thanks.
*it’s Self-Destruct*
.... Suddenly I’m wondering if she wasn’t trying to send me a message with that.

*in the middle of exploring*
Disembodied voice of exposition: “no more room for items!”
AHEM ok errr... I’ll brb.
*Crazy pill and item storing break*

*Later on, Bud is evolving!*
Yeah yeah, stupid troll.
*For real this time!*
*He’s actually doing it*
I’ll believe it when I se-
*Bud evolved into Venusaur!*
:O YES!!!!!!! :D Now only if Screentime would do that...

Hmmm TM09? Now what’s this again...
*It’s Take Down, which the entire damn team already knows*
Except for... well I did say I wanted to give TheRainbow something better than Bite.
*TheRainbow learned Take Down!*

Team Rocket grunt: “I am one of the 4 Rocket Brothers!*
.... Oh not you lot again. Seriously, you’re just like all the other grunts, why do you 4 get a special title?

Rocket Grunt: “You dare betray team rocket?”
... betray? Ok I’ve already been over this, but that really deserves another mention. I don’t think that word means what you think it means mister.

Oh TheRainbow wants to learn Fury Swipes? Uh no, I think that just about anything is superior to Fury Swipes. Thanks but no thanks.

Oh and what’s this? TM03? It contains... Swords Dance! Ohoho, I wonder if anyone can learn this? Let’s see, Bud can! And he can probably make use of it!
*BOOM! Restrictions!*
Right... only one TM move and he already has Take Down, and without Take Down Swords Dance is useless. Well fudge muffins.

Oh boy, I can see Blue in the next room over... I can’t get to him yet of course but I am seriously dreading that fight because Screentime needs to take on his lv 40 Charizard... and I have no freakin’ clue how that’s going to work.

And why do all the scientists expect that I’ll mistake them for Silph Co. workers? It’s pretty obvious that they’re not you know... there’s like one person in the entire building with the same overworld sprite as them that ISN’T with Rocket. Usually it’s safe to assume that I’ll end up fighting them when I see them.

There are an awful lot of beds here... I thought this was an office tower. Since when did office towers have massive sleeping areas?

Speaking of which, there’s one you can actually sleep at, and somehow you sleeping restores your Pokemon to full health! The magic of sleep ladies and gentlemen, making your games easier since the dawn of RPGs!

Still going up and up and... is this what I think it is?
*You found TM 26 Earthquake*
FUCK YEAH! Shout is about to get a serious upgrade!
*Submission is forgotten in favour of Earthquake*
Oh. Hell. Yes.

*A few minutes later*
Well... that would seem to be everything then, except for the final bite with Blue. Oh boy, this is going to be rough. Well the last part of it anyway... poor Screentime is going to get wrecked again.

And yes, as I already stated during Leaf Green, he was totally waiting, in this tower full of Rocket Grunts, JUST TO FIGHT ME. There’s a level of obsession there that is somehow both simultaneously flattering and creepy.

*He leads with Pidgeot, I lead with... Shout*
You know, maybe this wasn’t the best lead. TheRainbow, come on out!
*It luckily uses Whirlwind, which fails*
Woo! Free switch in! Alright now, time for things to get shocking!
*2HKOs with ease*
So Exeggcute is up next eh? Screentime, take care of it! Fly up and away!
*2HKO but Screentime gets poisoned*
I probably should have used TongueTied there... oh well, it’s not that big a deal right?
*It uses Relect while I’m in the air*
...... Balls.
*It still KOs, Gyarados is next*
A Gyarados? Whatever shall I do!
*Thunderbolt from TheRainbow is an OHKO*
Alakazam? This is one of Random’s Solo- oh wait I was totally supposed to kill Pidgeot with him. Oh whatever, it wouldn’t’ve been much different anyway.
*Body Slam amazingly doesn’t OHKO, but Alakazam’s Confusion barely scratched Random anyway*
Ok, once again!
*Alakazam uses Recover pointlessly and is KO’d*
And here it comes... Charizard. Good god I really don’t know how Screentime is going to do this. Well, here goes nothing! Take it Down! (I hope).
*it Leers while Screentime crits with Take Down... leaving it with a good 40% of its health*
Bullocks. Well again I suppose.
*It uses Slash, which crits, bringing Screentime down to 16 hp*
Ah fuck, Take Down recoil and poison are going to kill Screentime before he can finish it...
*Take Down crits again*
.... FUCK YEAH! All hail the RNG gods! And I don’t even take Poison damage thanks to the way it works in Gen 1, so Screentime lives with 4HP left! Eat that sucker! You just lost your Charizard to a POISONED PIDGEOTTO THAT WAS 2 LEVELS LOWER THAN YOU.

Alright so before I move on I had better heal again. I’d pick up my Lapras prize but I need a slot open for that... I’ll just get it later.

So then, Giovanni is up next! Or so I thought, but it turns out there’s one more Grunt to deal with... joy.
*he is promptly annihilated*
Alright, NOW we can take on Giovanni. He won’t get away this time!

*He leads with a Nidorino*
Hmmm I wonder what I can do here?
*Shout OHKOs with Earthquake*
You make me wanna SHAKE THE GROUND!
*Kangaskhan is next*
No fighting moves this time, but I think Shout can handle this. SHAKE THAT GROUND! SHAKE IT SHAKE IT!
You make me wanna DANCE AROUND! Anyway, Rhyhorn next, Bud has got this.
*This is the first time Bud has been in battle since evolution*

I’m sorry, but is that supposed to be Bud or a garden salad? Ah whatever. Garden salad, use Razor Lettuce!
*Critical hit! It’s super effective! Enemy Rhyhorn fainted!*
O-o-o-verkill! Nidoqueen next eh? Well Bud can’t hit that super effectively... but Random can! It’s time to hang 10!
*Surf leaves it in the red, leaving me astounded it didn’t faint. The fact it’s level 41 though might have something to do with it*
Damn, that’s some bulk. And... he uses a Guard Spec. on it. Yeah, that’s going to help.
*a second Surf finishes it off*
And that’s it! Alright Random time to go in for the kill! Body Sl-
*lights go out, Giovanni vanishes and Random slams into the floor*
........ ok I’m calling bullshit on that.

President: “Because I’m rich I can give you anything!”
Oh yes yes yes please give me every TM ever and a jillion rare candies and-
President: “Here, this should do”
*gives me the Master Ball*
... alright, or that. I suppose it’s better than a swift kick in the rear.

Alright, hey Lapras guy!
*talks to him just to see*
God I hate how I have to com-
*Jimera recieved Lapras!*
........ well glad I didn’t go to the effort of opening up a party slot. I bet I could’ve just done that with Eevee and Hitmonlee too...

*While at PC storing items*
Alright, that’s everything except for the Card Key, in you g-
Disembodied voice of exposition: “No room left to store items.”

*happy pills break!*

Ahhhhhh much better... now let’s see... Sabrina or Koga first? Actually I have a better idea... I’ll fight all the trainers in both their gyms before I take EITHER of them on. Since I’m in Saffron already, I’ll do that gym first. I really do need the levels... both of them have lv 43 GLMPs whereas my team is almost all level 38 right now...

Wait a second.

Why is that psychic wearing an extremely long lab coat? Without any pants by the looks of it too? And what appear to be... sandals? The hell?

*A strange number of ghost types later*
Really, it’s a Psychic type gym, why are there so many Channelers here with Ghastly and Haunter? Hypnos would make more sense. Anyway, got them all without much effort, but only got a few levels for my trouble... well I guess Koga’s gym is up next. Screentime, let’s Fly!

So, Sabrina’s gym has the teleporter maze of annoyance, and Koga has the invisible walls of annoyance. I swear, both these people are just dicks for the sake of being dicks. No wonder the manga turned them into villains.

Bahaha, I like how the gym guru guy in here just talks about the walls and doesn’t even mention Koga’s battling style. It’s like they’re telling you flat out the gym layout is more frustrating than the battle.

Speaking of which, as soon as I clear this out I think I’ll go straight to fighting Koga, since Shout’s Earthquake should make short work of him.

Oh, hey, now I know why there were no Hypno or Drowzee in Saffron gym! They all turn a wrong turn at Celadon and ended up at Koga’s gym instead! But seriously, this place has just as many Psychic types as Poison types, if not more. What the hell is up with that?

Oh, and everyone here is a Naruto clone that wants to be a ninja, but they’re all jugglers and tamers, which don’t exactly scream “ninja” to me.

Btw tamers have whips too, like every other damn trainer class in this game. Seriously, whoever made their sprites must’ve had a serious whip fetish or something. At least it makes some sense with the tamers...

Tamer: “Ninjas have a history of using animals!”
Uhhhhh no. No they don’t. Seriously, everything ninja movies have taught you about ninjas is bullshit. No animals. You’re just a stupid Naruto fan, go away.

Oh, he also has the first poison type I’ve seen in the gym (an Arbok) after fighting 3 other trainers. Poison gym you say? Looks more like a Psychic gym to me...

Juggler after defeat: “My balls dropped!”
.... pffffft haw hahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA! Seriously? For real? How did that slip past the censors? My god, that’s just priceless! You could’ve said “I dropped my balls” or “my balls fell” but no, you just had to go for the low blow. I love you forever now Gamefreak. Forever and ever!

Anyway, I finished off all the trainers, so now it’s time for Shout to obliterate Koga! But first...
*shoves 3 PP Ups down Shouts throat*
10 PP just isn’t enough for a main attack yah know.

Alright Koga, let’s see your “true despair”. And I do mean YOUR true despair, because I won’t be the one crying after this.

*Shout leads against his Koffing*
And a one! And a two! And a 1 2 3 4!
*Earthquake OHKO*
You make me wanna pound!
*Muk comes out, 2HKO’d by Earthquake while barely scratching Shout with Sludge*
You make me wanna pound that ground!
*Second Koffing comes out, is promptly OHKO’d*
You make me wanna do the ground pound!
*Weezing comes out, is... OHKO’d(!!!) by a critical Earthquake*
You make me wanna do that ground pound all night looooooooooooong!

Well that was one of the easiest gym leader fights I’ve ever had, certainly a long shot from Ball’s solo in Leaf Green. Thank lord for the lack of Levitate in generation 1!

So he hands me TM 06 Toxic and the Soul Badge, which I take with pride. So, just who is going to get Toxic you ask? Well TongueTied can’t use it due to restrictions, Shout, Bud and Random have no room due to restrictions, so that leaves me with TheRainbow and Screentime. Screentime will just have to forget it to learn Mirror Move to evolve, so TheRainbow is getting it. Why is it so important someone learn Toxic? Well that’s a little thing I want to show you guys later...
*TheRainbow learns Toxic instead of Rest*

But that’s neither here nor now. No, right now I have to deal with Sabrina. This is one battle that has me worried, what with her being Sabrina and all. I got a couple plans though, so I think I should be able to pull through...

*A bit of teleporting later*
Alright, so here we are... time for you to step off your high horse Sabrina, and face the bitter taste of defeat!



*She leads with Kadabra, I lead with... Screentime?*
Yeah, I figure that if Screentime takes heavy damage early on in the fight it’s no loss, soooo that’s why I’m using him to take on her weaker Pokemon. So yeah, Take Down!
*Psychic almost OHKOs Screentime outright, but Take Down crits and OHKOs the Kadabra*
YOWZA that hit HARD. And that was just her Kadabra... her Alakazam... jeeze. Well Screentime managed to hang on with 4HP, so he’ll stay in and kamikaze himself on whatever comes out next...
*Mr. Mime is Kamikazi’d on, loses most of its health. Apparently fainting by recoil cancels Mr. Mime’s move, since it doesn’t do anything as Bud comes out*
Bud will not be able to take a Psychic, but I think he’s faster so he SHOULD be able to finish it off with Razor Leaf...
*Mr. Mime is KO’d, Venomoth is up next*
Venomoth huh? Well, TongueTied should be able to manage this. Wing Attack until it stops moving!
*Wing Attack crits, putting it in the red, while TongueTied is hit by Psybeam*
But it only took out a third of his health! Man, Golbat really does have a lot more bulk than you’d expect.
*Venomoth is finished and the main event comes on out...*
Alright, my best bet for this is Random. He’s got one of my strongest physical attacks, and, unlike Shout, should be able to take a Psychic with his high Special. I just hope he can pull it off... Body Slam!
*Alakazam of course outspeeds and unleashes... Psybeam! Oh thank lord. It still takes off a third of Random’s health though. Body Slam is a 2HKO but doesn’t paralyze*
Alright, now unless I get really unlucky...
*Alakazam uses Reflect, but it’s too little too late, and it is crushed by Random’s massive power*
HELLS YEAH, EASIEST SABRINA TAKE DOWN EVER! That could not have gone more according to plan!

So the humiliated Sabrina hands me the Marsh Badge and TM 46, Psywave (one of the most useless Psychic type moves ever conceived). So yeah, there we go! The gym leader I had feared the most is done for, and I can relax a bit.

But not for long, because I have a long sea voyage next, as well as another Gym Leader that has me worried, not so much because of him himself but who I have to solo him with... yeah, next chapter I solo Blaine. With a Golbat. Yeah... well until next time people, audios!


Location: Pewter City
Badges: 6
Pokemon: 6
Retries: 5 (that’s right, Sabrina can’t best me!)


Bud the Venusaur
Level 39
Take Down
Leech Seed
Razor Leaf

Oh. Hell. Yes. Bud was good before he evolved, but now he’s just a beast. He has great defences on both ends of the spectrum and good offenses as well. Razor Leaf is particularly lethal thanks to its tremendous crit rate. He’s looking better and better all the time, and I’m looking forward to continuing to use him in the future.

Screentime the Pidgeotto
Level 39
Quick Attack
Take Down

Screentime on the other hand is not doing particularly well... at all. He’s without a doubt the weakest both physically and offensively on my team, and he only got past Blue’s Charizard due to gratuitous hax. And despite this, he’s still a vital member of my team, because that powerful Flying Type Stab is the only advantage I have against both Bug and Grass Types. I really can’t wait until he evolves though since he’s really falling behind... but that’s not for another goddamn 10 levels. I’m really not looking forward to his use in the future...

Shout the Nidoking
Level 40
Earthquake (3 PP Up)
Horn Drill
Double Team

This chapter Shout got the one upgrade he’s been needing every since I got him, and he’s become a beast instantly because of it. Earthquake is exactly what the doctor ordered; a powerful physical STAB. Not only that, but the coverage the Ground type provides is phenomenally useful to the team, giving me super effective coverage against both the Electric and Poison types that I could only hit neutrally before. The extra power against neutral foes is much appreciated as well. He’s become my physical powerhouse now, as he demonstrated by effortlessly obliterating Koga. I’m really looking forward to seeing how far he can rise.

Random the Gyarados
Level 39
Body Slam

Random. Fucks. Shit. Up. All you need to know. Nothing has changed, and for Random, that’s a good thing. I just regret I won’t be able to use him to obliterate Blaine.

TongueTied the Golbat
Level 39
Take Down
Wing Attack
Confuse Ray (unusable)

Truth be told, TongueTied has been a bit of a pleasant surprise. Sure he’s not dominating like some of the others are, but he’s pulling through when I need him. What impresses me the most is his bulk, which is far more substantial than you’d really think it would be. He’s still lacking in power due to his moveset, as usual, but at least he’s reliable. I can count on him to take a hit or two and strike back. However, this isn’t stopping me from dreading my fight with Blaine. Blaine has some pretty powerful Pokemon and TongueTied’s bulk is only decent, not great. TongueTied doesn’t have any really good moves for hitting Blaine either so it’s not like I can just quickly overpower him to end the fight. I think I might have to resort to X-Items for this one...

TheRainbow the Persian
Level 39
Take Down

TheRainbow is an interesting member of my team. He doesn’t hit really hard really and he can’t really take hits at all, yet I find myself using him very frequently. What it comes down to is his versatility in attacking, being able to go both physical and special with equal ease. The coverage Thunderbolt offers is also insanely useful, leading TheRainbow to become my pseudo Electric type. His speed also comes in handy for quickly dispatching fast but frail enemies like Kadabra before they can poke holes in my team. He really is reminiscent of Big Banks from the Sapphire scramble I did, except with less bulk and more attack power. His usefulness cannot be denied, but keeping him alive for very long is no small task.

Alright, before I head down to Cinnabar, I got some surfing to do so I can pick up the crap I missed. Let’s see... actually there isn’t a lot to be found in generation one. There’s a Nugget in the Safari zone, the Softboiled TM in Celadon and TM 16 Pay Day on Route 12. Usually I’d go and get this stuff but really, I don’t need any of those items. I could also go the Power Plant but I’m a little under-levelled for Zapdos so I guess I’ll just start right in and head for Cinnabar. Time for some seafaring!

*against a swimmer on the shore near Fuchsia, before even getting into the water*
The hell... Screentime just got wasted by a lv 29 Staryu because the previous Horsea used Smokescreen ONCE on him and then Screentime proceeded to miss FIVE TIMES IN A ROW. That is such bullshit I do not know how to properly express it.

Alright Random, it’s time for us to take to the seas. Riding on the back of 20 foot long motherfucking sea serpent is the ONLY way to travel! Certainly a lot more badass than the oversized badger I rode in Hoenn.

Swimmer: “I look at the sea to forget!”
In-battle defeat message: “oh that’s tragic”
After battle: “I look at the sea to forget!”
Me: ..... huh? But you said that before the fight... and what are you trying to forget? Just... what?

Oh and Screentime got Smokescreened again in the next battle and proceeded to miss with Quick attack at least five times in a row. Seriously, is something wrong with your eyes Screentime? It’s just one damn Smokescreen!

Swimmer: “I tried diving for Pokemon, but it was a no-go”
I’d say something smarmy about that being because it’s hard to battle while holding your breath, but you do exactly that in generation III soooooooo...

Wait a second.

... Tentacruel has its arms crossed? The fuck? That just seems so wrong and so appropriate all at the same time.

Oho, here’s the swimmer with the three ladies swimming with him. Of course there are no female swimmers in generation one though, so instead they just throw Beauties in instead. Fully clothed and wearing high heels. Yuuuup!

Oh, but they’re represented on the overworld by the same sprite the normal swimmers are. Those are some awfully manly girls you have there...

Beauty: “I just love your ride, can I have it if I win?”
And apparently this one is into giant, menacing sea serpents. Yeah, something is a little off with these “girls”.

Swimmer: “Why are you riding that Pokemon, can’t you swim?”
Apparently not, and apparently not a single protagonist in any Pokemon game can either. It’s not like I can use the excuse that it’s dangerous since there are literally dozens of people swimming between these islands and the mainland...

Oh hey a Seadra!

Raise the roof bro!

Beauty: “I love floating with the fishes!”
Wow, that line came dangerously close to meaning something horrifically different.

*After many battles with Speedo clad Swimmers and one piece dress clad Beauties (also swimming)*
Ah, finally, here we are on the Seafoam Islands. As in Leaf Green, there is absolutely no one here and I am not bothering to fight or catch the wild Pokemon, soooo don’t expect much commentary from me...

Oh, there are also no visible items in here either, just a couple hidden ones I’m not bothering with. Seriously, this place is so empty it’s kind of freaky.

*Encounters a Seel*

Is it just me or is that thing sporting a distinguished moustache?

*encounters several Staryu... ON LAND*
Wait what?

*encounters a Golbat*


*after much running around, pushing boulders around and dozens upon dozens of random encounters, the current is stopped and I can venture onwards to Cinnabar*

And there we go, I probably just destroyed the local ecosystem by altering the flow of the water but at least now I can get to the next city! Remember kids, protect the environment unless it’s getting in your way, then it’s alright to fuck it over in whatever way necessary.

Actually, I kind of think of it as revenge against the wild Pokemon here for making this take around 30 times longer than it should have.

Jeeze, my team is starting to look pretty worn down and I still have to get to Cinnabar... well I hope I can make it without flying all the way back to Fuchsia. I do NOT want to go through those damn Islands again.

.... there’s a female Junior Trainer in the water, also fully clothed with her camping gear on. Seriously, that has got be uncomfortable. Just imagine the chaffing!

Swimmer: “Check out my buff physique!”

.... that’s buff?

Bird Keeper on a dock in the middle of the waterway: “I flew here on my Bird Pokemon!”
.... Why? Why did you want to be on a dock in the middle of nowhere? *is so confused*
After defeat: “My birds can’t Fly me back!”
You didn’t think this through very well did you?

*Screentime faints to a critical Water Gun from a Starmie*
Oh bullshit! Well I’m too close to Cinnabar to go back to Fuchsia now. Screentime is just going to have to fall behind in levels a little bit dammit.

*A few minutes later*
Ah finally, that’s Cinnabar island there, let’s go o-
*Everything is suddenly blood red*
HOLY CRAP WHAT HORRIBLE MASSACRE HAPPENED HERE? Oh wait, that’s just the default color for this area... jeeze, did they mean this to look so nasty?

Alright, so let’s see... Pokemon Center first.
*They finally tell you here you can cancel evolution to learn new moves sooner*
Oh yeah, that’s totally useful to know now at the FREAKING 7th GYM. Gamefreak, that’s just a total fail.

Guy in Pokemart: “It never hurts to have extra items!”

Cinnabar Sign: “Cinnabar Island: The Fiery Town of Burning Desire”
Oh, so that’s why it’s red. The town is on fire. Why is everyone so calm?

Let’s see what’s in the Pokemon lab?
*checks it out*
.... A few useless trades, the useless TM 35 Metronome and reanimation services I don’t need. Well that was a waste of time. You’d think I’d remember that from Leaf Green...

Alright, all that’s left here is the bizarrely locked gym (why?) and the Pokemon Mansion. Before I head into the Mansion though, I think I’m going to explore route 21 and train a bit there. Just finish everything off ready for the gyms eh?

Swimmer: “I’m in the middle of a triathlon meet right now!”
Then how on Earth do you have time to battle me? Aren’t you losing an awful lot of time doing this?

*After a couple battles, Random wants to learn Hydro Pump*
No can do, but I bet Surf is better anyway, thanks to its reliability and higher PP.

*After having TongueTied nearly faint to a friggin’ Shelder*
Good lord, how am I going to do this solo against Blaine? I can’t even use items on the damn thing when it’s on the battlefield. Looks like I’m going to have to make ample use of heal fodder...

CUEBALL: “What’s wrong with me swimming”
Wait what? A Cueball is swimming out here? Bwahhahaha and he’s still wearing his S&M Mad Max getup! Now THAT’s a thought!
After battle: “A studded inner tube? Get lost!”

Fisherman: “I got a big haul, let’s see what you got!”
*His “haul” is 6 lv 27 Magikarp*
..... This is after the 6th gym that this is happening. Yeah.

*Finally makes it to Pallet Town*
Alright, finally I’m done with that. Now, onto the Pokemon Mansion! They keep telling me it got burned out long ago but it’s so damn red I’m not fully convinced it’s not still burning... Well I do have Random to put out any fires.

Huh, this place looks like it’s in a lot better condition here than it did in Leaf Green. I mean here the entrance is lined with pillars, not rubble. That’s a pretty big improvement I’d say.

Oh looky here, it’s a button in a statue! What could possibly go wrong if pressed it?
Wait I already made this joke last time. Dammit!

I do wonder why on Earth they installed all these hidden switch controlled doors though. I mean, how many science labs do you know that have this sort of shit? I mean it’s not even good for security purposes... I figured out this puzzle when I was freaking 10 years old! Brilliant scientists or paranoid nutjobs? You decide.


HE’S SO CUTE AND PUDGY! Awww poor Burglar can’t find his way out of the scary mansion? Let me put some extra pressure on you to find your way out by fainting all your Pokemon :D I’m helpful like that.

Ah, and of course scattered all over the place are the diary pages detailing the discovery of Mew and the creation of Mewtwo. I still don’t understand why they’re spread all over the place and no more than a few lines long each though... why not keep them together? Or did some oddly neat tornado rip through the lab and place the pages neatly on tables all over the mansion?

Also, the second and third floors look a lot less pristine than the ground floor. Seems kind of odd to me, since last time I checked heavy chunks of rubble tended to fall down when a building collapsed, not pile up neatly on the higher floors.

Scientist after defeat: “So, you’re stuck? Try jumping off over there!”
*looks down 3 story drop*
... You’re trying to get me killed aren’t you?
*does it anyway*
And somehow I get away without as much as a broken ankle. Ah Gamefreak, telling kids it’s ok to jump off buildings since 1997.

Journal fragment: “Dairy; Spet. 1: Mewtwo is far too powerful. We have failed to curb its vicious tendencies...”
Well, I’d have to say you dun goofed Mr. Scientist! Congratulations on creating the most powerful evil force to ever walk the world, we’re all grateful for it.

Oh what’s this?
*Jimera found TM 14 Blizzard!*
Ooooooo sweet. That’s useful, especially since in generation 1 it has the same accuracy as Take Down. Random might be getting that for against Lance he might...
Scientist: “This place is ideal for a lab.”
Wait what? You mean a crumbling, unsafe, potentially still on fire (still don’t know where that redness is coming from) building filled with dangerous wild Pokemon is ideal for your lab? What the hell kind of lab are you thinking of building? Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure it won’t be OSHA compliant.

*gets to the very end of the mansion, the Secret Key is on the table*
Disembodied voice of exposition: “No more room for items!”
I’m just going to go hang myself now, don’t mind me.

*I use an Escape Rope to hang myself... err actually no, to get back to the Pokemon Center and then backtrack all the way back*
Oh, and just to add insult to injury, I wouldn’t’ve had to backtrack through the entire mansion if I hadn’t used that escape rope because there’s a switch that opens a shortcut. I. Am. Fail.

Just in case you didn’t get it from my disdain at having to backtrack, the reason I’m so pissed is because this place seems to be more infested with wild Pokemon than the Seafoam Islands were. Seriously, I am starting to HATE wild Pokemon.

*Finds TM 22 Solarbeam*
Yeah, I’ll be using that exactly never. Razor Leaf’s instant use and almost guaranteed critical hit far outclass a two turn charge up move, no matter how powerful.

*Finally finds the Secret Key*
And THERE we go. Finally, I can get into the Cinnabar gym! However there’s an issue... you see, Blaine’s main Pokemon is a level 47 Arcanine. TongueTied is a level 43 Golbat with Take Down as its best move. I need to grind.

In fact I need to grind so much that I’m worried about how long it’ll take... you guys have waited long enough for an update from me already! So unfortunately, you’re going to have to wait until next chapter for me to take on Blaine. But don’t worry, next chapter will more than make up for it. You thought Chapter 6 was action packed? Just wait until you read Chapter 8! Until then though, audios!


Location: Cinnabar Island
Badges: 6
Pokemon: 6
Retries: 5


Bud the Venusaur
Level 42
Take Down
Leech Seed
Razor Leaf

Bud is easily one of my best Pokemon right now, between his great bulk and extremely powerful Razor Leaf attack. There’s little that can stand in his way now, and that’s only going to get more apparent once he learns a new move in the next chapter...

Screentime the Pidgeotto
Level 43
Quick Attack
Take Down

Screentime, conversely, is probably my single worst Pokemon right now. It can’t deal damage worth a damn and can’t take hits worth a damn either, be they special attacks or physical. Hell, he even hurts himself thanks to Take Down being his most powerful attacking option. He has trouble against some wild Pokemon, let alone fully evolved trainer Pokemon. Thankfully, there is a light at the end of the tunnel here. There’s only 6 more levels until he learns Mirror Move and can FINALLY evolve. I don’t expect him to be insanely useful even after that, true, but he’ll be far more useful than he is now, that’s for certain.

Shout the Nidoking
Level 42
Earthquake (3 PP Up)
Horn Drill
Double Team

Shout is really a force to be reckoned with, especially with 16 Earthquake’s set and ready to be launched. Very few Pokemon that don’t resist it can take an Earthquake from him, and if they’re weak to it it’s goodbye for sure. He’s becoming somewhat analogous to Random now in that he only really needs his two main attacks to smash the enemy. As such, Horn Drill and Double Team rarely see any use. I do wish Strength was a little more powerful though, but Shout has enough bulk to take pretty much any attack thrown at him that isn’t super-effective so it’s not that big a deal.

Random the Gyarados
Level 42
Body Slam

Damn, I still need to write commentary for this guy? You all know what Random does, and that is OHKO the crap out of EVERYTHING. I swear, I don’t think he failed to OHKO a single Pokemon this chapter. It’s a shame I can’t use him for Blaine, but at least his solo of Giovanni will be a breeze.

TongueTied the Golbat
Level 43
Take Down
Wing Attack
Confuse Ray (unusable)

TongueTied is really not holding up particularly well. While he’s not nearly as bad as Screentime is, he is seriously lacking some power, and the fact he has to rely on Take Down to deal good damage really hampers his survivability, which is something he has going for him otherwise. He’s honestly not nearly as terrible as I feared he’d be, but he’s still not nearly good enough for Blaine. It’s going to take a lot of grinding before he’s ready to take on what is looking to be the hardest solo I’ll have to do all game.

TheRainbow the Persian
Level 42
Take Down

TheRainbow is really fun to use, simply because of the versatility and unorthodox nature of his moveset. He hits fairly hard, though not nearly as hard as some of the others, so his power isn’t usually an issue. His coverage is where he really shines though. Thunderbolt in particular is very useful, and allows me to take on Flying types with ease. I still haven’t had a chance to showcase why I’m so excited about having Toxic on him yet. You’ll have to wait until later to find out about that little tidbit!

Alright, time for grinding!
Wait you’re saying I promised action this chapter? Well too bad, GRIND TIME!

*Bud wants to learn Growth*
Oh yeah! This is what I was talking about! Now Bud can boost his Special, allowing him to REALLY wreck shit up with Razor Leaf! I can finally get rid of Growl now. Heh. I’m getting rid of Growl at level 43. Pretty sure I’ve never kept it for that long before!

*Runs into a wild level 42 Weezing*
HOLY SHIT! That thing is the same level as TheRainbow! Good lord, this thing might actually take him out...
*it doesn’t manage to thanks to a crit*
Damn, I was looking at a 4HKO without that crit. I have to be careful down here it would seem...

*Runs into a wild lv 40 Muk*
Jeeze... well at least I know I’m getting good experience here.

*After several hours of grinding*
Good god, this is taking forever, and so far only TongueTied has even reached level 45. It wouldn’t be so bad if everyone was as easy to train as Random and Shout are... they just OHKO everything (Bud would too if it weren’t for the fact that every last Pokemon in the mansion resists Razor Leaf). Wait a second... it can be! I think it’s finally time to break out the Exp. All! Of course first I have to acquire it... Thankfully I actually reached the 50 Pokemon requirement needed for it some time ago.

*A quick flight back to Fuchsia City later*
Alright, Oak’s Aide handed me the Exp. All without issue and now I can get to work! This’ll be so much easier just using Random and Shout to do all the battling...
*After a second of using the Exp. All*
Hang on a second... no, this doesn’t work like I thought it did at all! Half the experience goes to the battler and the rest is divided among the others... I thought it shared it between all 6 equally! Dangit, I can’t use this the way I intended... well I guess I can keep it in my inventory when I’m training Random and Shout and at least reduce the amount of time the others have to train...

*after using it for a while longer*
Ok, this isn’t going to work. It takes forever to get out of the end battle screen because the game feels the need to tell you how much experience each member of the team got... ONE AT A TIME! It’s probably slowing me down more than it’s speeding me up. I’m just going to have to do this the old fashioned way it would seem...

... I just realized one thing. You know how I was so excited to teach Growth to Bud, since it’d amp up his Razor leaf even higher than it was already? Yeah, well it turns out I was full of shit because critical hits ignore offensive stat boosts in generation I and Razor Leaf has a pretty much 100% critical rate. Shortly speaking, I was better off with Growl. I cannot believe I just typed that sentence.

*After hours and hours of grinding, the team is finally all at level 47*
Oh wait I still need to get Hyper Beam from the Game Corner in Celadon. I didn’t mention that before? Yeah, well I figured I’d have a much better chance of beating Blaine with a Golbat if that Golbat was packing a 150 BP move. Especially because in Generation I you don’t have to spend a turn recharging if you happen to knock out the Pokemon it’s aimed at, making it an ideal finishing move. Also, he’s getting Double-Edge, but thankfully I have THAT TM in my PC box already. That’ll be taught over Take Down, since it’s both slightly more powerful and much more accurate.

So let’s see how many coins does Hyper Beam cost?

So, I gotta go from 50 coins to fucking 5500. This will be fuuuuun! I wish I had enough cash to just buy the damn coins... Hang on... do I have enough cash?
*does some quick calculations*
Well what do you know, I DO have enough coins. It’ll chew up half my money reserves though. I don’t think I really want to use that much money just yet... I’ll still be needing items for later battles. I’ll just do a bit of slots and then buy the rest when I get sick of them.

*one jackpot later*
Alright, this is a little more challenging than in the remakes... the slots rotation isn’t as smooth so it makes timing a little more difficult, but at the same time it’s also a bit more forgiving in that there seem to be fewer options to hit, so even if I miss the jackpot I’m pretty likely to get a random smaller prize... Well, every Jackpot I hit saves me 6000 poke so I’ll keep on going.

Holy crap, the little payouts come so often they’re actually giving me more coins than I’m losing! Now there’s something that never happens in the later generations!
*goes on a losing streak of around 100 coins immediately afterwards*
... I just had to fucking jinx myself.
*resets back to higher saved total because that was bullshit*
...I’ve only gotten myself 1/10th of the coins I need and I’m already sick of this shit.
*fucking gives up*
Too much frustration for too little reward. Here cashier, just take all my fucking cash. JUST TAKE IT OR I’LL SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT!

*10 cathartic minutes of pounding on the A button buying coins and a few happy pills later*
Ahhhh, that’s better. Finally, I got TM 15 Hyper Beam. You better look out Blaine because, an insanely freakish and angry bat is coming right for your hair! Wait, you don’t have hair... well played sir. Well played.

First things first though, let’s take out his lackeys. Sure I could answer the quizzes correctly and ignore them, but I want TongueTied to go up another level before Blaine to help ensure he doesn’t end up burnt to a crisp.

Burglar after defeat: “I can’t stop stealing other people’s Pokemon!”
And yet they let you in a gym? Am I the only person seeing a problem here?

Super Nerd: “You can’t win! I have studied Pokemon totally!”
*snerk* Yeah sure kid. Is that why you only use fire types?

Burglar: “I just like using Fire Pokemon!”
At least this one is honest.

Lord, all these guys say something along the lines of “too hot!” after every battle (except the one guy who said “ow”). Running out of ideas Gamefreak, or are you just lazy?

Alright, I finally made it through them all. Blaine, prepare to be truly terrified!

*Blaine’s Growlithe faces off against TongueTied*

*Swift 2HKO’s his Growithe, which does nothing but use Agility*
Blaine: How... how does that thing EAT?
*Blaine’s Ponyta is 2HKO’d by Swift after missing with Stomp*
Blaine: Is it... throbbing?
*Blaine’s Rapidash takes around 1/3 health from Swift, misses with Growl*
*TongueTied’s Tongue begins to glow*
Blaine: What... what’s happening?
Me: Brace yourself! It begins now!
*Rapidash is vaporized by Hyper Beam*
Me: Nothing can save you now!

(God that thing looks derpy and smug)
*Double Edge does 1/3 health to Arcanine, Blaine uses a Super Potion the same turn????*
Me: Wait, what? How did that work?
*Double-Edge puts it back in the same spot, Roar misses*
Me: soon... soon...
Blaine: I don’t like the sound of this...
*Swift crits, Arcanine fails with Roar again.*

The Heavens themselves: FATALITY!

*Recovers the Volcanobadge and TM 38 Fire Blast from the blackened skeleton that once was Blaine*
Alright, one more down! That was a lot easier than I expected it to be, though it probably helped that Blaine seemed to choose the most useless moves available to him. I’m pretty sure Roar doesn’t work for enemy trainers at all in generation 1...
*A check shows that it indeed does not work in trainer battles*
So why do so many trainer Pokemon have this?

Well only one gym left now. Let’s go see what’s waiting for us in Viridian now shall we?

*One quick flight later*
It’s a bunch of gym trainers! What a shocker! Also, more arrow tiles. This is going to be fuuuuun...

Wait a second...
*Jimera0 found a Revive*
INSIDE A GYM??? Holy shit, I think this might be the only time in all of Pokemon there’s actually an item to pick up inside a gym.



Hmmm I just remembered something... I guess now is as good a time as any to show you guys. This random Tamer is going to help me demonstrate something... The Toxic-seed bug!

First, I use Leech Seed on an enemy, like this Rhyhorn. I COULD OHKO it with Razor Leaf, but for the purpose of this demonstration, I will refrain from doing so.
*Enemy Rhyhorn was seeded!*
Next, I switch out to TheRainbow, who will then use toxic on our beauti- err... sporting? assistant here.
Now, the Rainbow will stall with Thunderbolt to allow the glitch to show itself.
*First turn, Toxic and leech seed combine for 1/8th of health, as they each start out at 1/16th*
But as time goes on things start changing... The Toxic damage increases as expected, but so too does the Leech Seed damage! The second that turn they’re both on the foe, it combines for ¼ of the Rhyhorns’ health! On top of that, TheRainbow gains health not just from the Leech Seed’s damage but from the poison damage too, restoring all its health! The next turn, if Rhyhorn had enough health (were it healed for instance), the Leech Seed damage would go up again, as would the damage done by Toxic. At this point, individually they are doing 3/16ths damage of the total health of the opponent... each. So yes, by turn 3 the residual damage is 3/8ths of the opponents total HP. By turn 5, even if the opponent has been restored to full HP, the damage is guaranteed to OHKO. It doesn’t have to be done in this order either; basically, if Toxic and Leech Seed are on the same pokemon, then they’ll do the same damage. Also, thanks to the way Leech Seed works, even if your opponent has next to no HP left it’ll still heal as much as it would’ve damaged had the opponent had full HP, making it very useful as a healing method. Now you can all see why I was so excited about this thing! Just imagine this monster of a bug in competitive battling...

*After a few more lackeys and a bit more bug abuse, I reach the gym leader*

*Gasp!* it’s Giovanni! Who could’ve seen that coming? Well, this time he’s not going to run away... no, he’s going to get WASHED away! Washed away by Random’s awesome Surf! Of course, after he’s done with the ride he probably won’t be getting up again. Ever. Mwahahahahaahaha!

*Random faces off Giovanni’s Rhyhorn*
Oh, you’re going to have to do better than that.
*Surf OHKO’s with ease*
A Dugtrio next? Damn, those things are really frightening... if you’re a newbie trainer in Diglett Cave for the first time that is!
*Dugtrio is washed away by the surge*
A Nidoqueen eh? Finally, something with some special bulk! Not that it’ll mater!
*Nidoqueen’s crown is washed down the drain*
And now the King stands up for his fallen Queen! Touching really, but nothing can stand before the wrath of my mighty sea serpent!
*The Kingdom is washed out to sea along with its King*
And now what could his final Pokemon be? It’s... it’s... AN ACTUAL RHYDON! No cheapskating it this time like in Leaf Green, he’s got the real deal here! Now the question is... how well can it stand up to Random’s Surf?
*About as well as a sandcastle would, it turns out*
Well, that was awfully anti-climactic for a final gym battle. It looks to me like Giovanni is *puts on sunglasses* ALL WASHED UP!
*is shot*
Anyway, time to finish Giovanni off! Oh wait, I can’t yet though. I need his gym badge and shit. Ok, give me the crap then I’m dealing wi-
*The instant after he hands over the Earthbadge and TM 27 Fissure he vanishes into thin air*
Well so much for that.

But hang on... we’re not done just yet! There’s one more thing to do before we move onto the next chapter... because just around the bend lies my hardest battle yet.... Blue, here I come!

Or I would... except I have one thing to do first. Hey Screentime, chow down on this candy I have here.
*Screentime reached level 49, Screentime Learned mirror Move*
Yeah yeah, get to the good stuff.
*Screentime evolved into Pidgeot!*

Oh, btw, I taught Mirror Move over Take Down which I then immediately re-taught via TM. Why? Well, it turns out that Blue’s Charizard still has a weakness for Screentime to exploit and I need Sand-Attack to exploit that weakness...

Alright, let’s head towards the Pokemon Leauge then! Or at least, let’s head far enough towards it that we trigger a certain somebody to pop out and ask for a fight...

Yes, hello Blue. Let’s see who’s a warm-up for who now shall we?

*Random faces off against his Pidgeot*
Oh this is going to be fun.
*Surf 2HKOs whereas Pidgeot barely scratches Random’s scales*
You’re going to have to do better than that Blue! Wait, you’re seriously sending out Rhyhorn now? Against a Pokemon that just 2HKO’d your Pidgeot... WITH SURF? Are you insane? Well, lucky for you, another member of my team needs the Exp. more. Unfortunately for you though, that Pokemon is Shout.
*Shout OHKO’s with Earthquake*
You make me wanna rock and roll!
So Exeggcute next eh? You haven’t even evolved it yet? Hey, I’m not going to complain when you give my Pokemon free kills. TongueTied, you’re next!
*Wing Attack 2HKOs*
Alright, who’s next? Your Gyarados? Well that’d be scary... if I didn’t have an electric attack that is. TheRainbow, fry that overgrown Magikarp!
*gets a critical hit, obviously OHKOs*
Mmmm Gyarados fillets for everyone! Oh, but what’s this? Alakazam wants to spoil the barbeque? Random, why don’t you go show it some manners?
*Relect gets put up, but Alakazam is OHKO’d when Body Slam crits anyway.*
Geeze, and you’re out-leveling me too! Anyway, his Charizard is up next so it’s show time for Screentime! Put some sand on that fire for me will yah?
*Sand Attack hits... and what do you know. Charizard chose Rage. Of course, it missed.*
So, y’all see why I wanted to keep Sand-Attack on good old Screentime here? What could’ve been a rough battle suddenly just got very easy. Though, this time I’m going to just pound him to death rather than torture him for several turns. Luckily for Blue, I just don’t have the patience tonight.
*Charizard uses Slash as Screentime uses Fly*
.... Wait what? I thought... crap, it has to hit first before it becomes uncontrollable! I FAILED THE BUG ABUSE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
*Flamethrower and Fly hit for about the same damage*
Oh shit oh shit oh shit!! But I outspeed at least, so baring some crazy hax Screentime should come out on top...
*Thankfully Charizard uses Leer the next time Screentime is on the ground, allowing Screentime to comfortably 3HKO it*
Well Screentime kind of dodged a bullet there.

Blue: “Jimera, you need more practice!”
Wait, what? I just effortlessly wiped out your team. Good lord, I swear you’re brain damaged. Did Oak perform experiments on you as a kid or something?

Well in any case, that’s enough for one chapter. Next time we cover the final leg of our journey and take on the final obstacle standing between me and the Pokemon Leauge... Victory Road, you had better look out, because here we come!


Location: Viridian City
Badges: 8
Pokemon: 6 (All fully evolved at last!)
Retries: 5 (and this time not adding to that number is an actual achievement!)


Bud the Venusaur
Level 48
Take Down
Leech Seed
Razor Leaf

Bud continues to be a force to be reckoned with. He’s got bulk, he’s got power, and he’s even got healing. I did make one big, dumb mistake with him this chapter though in teaching him Growth. Yeah, so it turns out Growth is utterly useless alongside a move that gets critical hits 100% of the time. Still, losing GROWL of all things isn’t a huge thing to complain about. He’ll have a much more useful move for that slot soon enough anyway...

Screentime the Pidgeot
Level 49
Quick Attack
Take Down

Good. Freaking. Lord. Screentime was a massive pain to grind, with even the wild Pokemon in the Pokemon Mansion being a threat to him. But now that he’s evolved... well I don’t really know, as so far I’ve only used him once in his fully evolved state. The good news is that he beat Blue’s Charizard 1 on 1 fairly easily despite me mucking up the Rage glitch. That Charizard out-leveled Screentime by 4 levels by the way, so the fact that it could only do as much damage with Flamethrower as I could do with Fly is very encouraging. It’s looking like Screentime finally might start pulling his weight again next chapter!

Shout the Nidoking
Level 47
Earthquake (3 PP Up)
Horn Drill
Double Team

Shout actually didn’t do much other than grind this chapter, though not because I couldn’t use him but because I tend to train my weaker Pokemon first and he didn’t have to solo anything. Still, what he did have to fight he flat out demolished. Honestly, I’m not sure if a single thing avoided being OHKO’d by his Earthquake this chapter. I’m certainly looking forward to using him more next chapter! I really do enjoy using the King!

Random the Gyarados
Level 48
Body Slam

He OHKO’d every single last member of Giovanni’s team. I really don’t have to say anything do I?

TongueTied the Golbat
Level 49
Wing Attack
Hyper Beam

Well looky here, TongueTied has a moveset full of moves he can actually use again! And did he ever put them to good use. Blaine was far easier to solo than I had anticipated, though some of that might be blind luck in that he didn’t really use anything damaging the entire fight. Still, TongueTied has gained a lot this chapter between Double-Edge and Hyper Beam. He might fall back into the LVP spot now that Screentime has evolved, but despite that he’s actually looking stronger than ever. I thought this scramble was supposed to be a hard one?

TheRainbow the Persian
Level 48
Take Down

TheRainbow hasn’t really changed that much since last chapter. I continue to enjoy his speed and coverage, allowing him to function well against most foes. I also have got to say that abusing the toxic-seed glitch with him was mighty satisfying. I know what to do now should a Pokemon give me trouble in the League... Oh, he’s also very close to getting Slash now, and you can bet that once that happens he’s going to have a massive power spike. A 100% critical rate on STAB 70 BP move? Oh, HELL yes!

Alright, time to enter Victory Road! Or, it would be time to enter Victory Road if I didn’t have to trek through a trainerless route showing off my badges while running away from dozens of wild Pokemon. Yay?

Well I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on this place since it’s the progenitor of the awesome league gate system in Black and White, but still... this route is just so damn pointless.

Wait a second. One of these guards checking your badges is out simming in the middle of the water that’s in the middle of this route for some reason. And just for kicks, he requires you to show the Soul Badge. Which is the badge that lets you use Surf outside of battle. And he’s unreachable unless you’re Surfing. Anyone else see the problem here?

Oh, and I think I already mentioned this, but this Victory Road is totally dickish because there’s no Pokemon Center outside of it, so if you want to heal you have to go all the way back to Viridan City. So guess what I’m going to be doing in here? If you said running from dozens upon dozens of wild Pokemon instead of fighting them as I normal do in Victory Road, congratulations! You win a cookie.

Alright, enough mucking around let’s do this shit. Strength Puzzles, GO!

Oh, and I just love how there are pairs of items in here that, thanks to the strength boulder puzzles protecting them, require you to leave the cave once to get both of them. And by love I mean SEETHING ALL CONSUMING HATE!

So yeah, from one of those pairs I got TM 43 Sky Attack (yeah no thanks) and a Rare Candy. Worth it...?

And yes.

She has a whip too. Why the fuck not.

Humph, the trainers here are boring. They don’t say anything except like “hey you’re good, See if you can beat me!” C’mon people, give me some material to work with here!

Tamer: “Cmon, I’ll whip you!”
Aaaand there’s some material! In fact it’s such good material it’s a joke in and of itself! I don’t even have to say anything!
God damn it.

Oh hey what’s that? There seems to be a legendary bird in my cave! Why would a bird live in a cave? Hell if I know, apparently giant legendary birds like enclosed spaces that prevent them from flying or stretching their wings properly.

And now TM 17 Submission! Well that was totally worth a bag slot when I can just buy one from the Celadon department store whenever I want!
Yeah I’ll be tossing it soon.

*in a battle against a Chansey, Screentime uses Take Down and proceeds to lose over a third of his health to recoil damage*
.... You’d think I would’ve seen that coming.

Disembodied Voice of Exposition: “No more room for Items!”
... Should have seen that coming too.
*trashes useless TM 17 Submission and picks up the equally useless TM47 Explosion*
.... Yay?

Oh look, I seem to have found my way to the lair of a Legendary Bird!


*TongueTied leads against... is that supposed to be Moltres?*

Geeze that thing looks like it’s been through the wringer already... let’s put the poor thing out of its misery.
*Double Edge does 1/3 or so damage to it, its Peck doesn’t do much in return*
Alright, one more time!
*Puts it in the yellow, Fire Spin thankfully misses*
Alright, that’s enough beating on the old thing. Time for a quick painless death by vaporization!
*Hyper Beam! BZZZZAAAAP!*

Alright, enough of that distraction. Onwards!

*Many boring battles and strength boulder pushing later*
Alright, TM 05 Mega Kick! It’s... maybe possibly kind of useful? Oh wait only Shout can learn it and he’s out of space. Nevermind it’s utterly useless.

Oh god... what is that? It’s the light... at the end of this tunnel! Is it... God?
Oh no it’s just the end of Victory Road, which is actually a reward 80 times better than seeing God so I’m happy anyway.

And outside of Victory road is the path to the Pokemon League! Which has inexplicably been strewn with statues for no apparent reason... Why? Seriously, WHY?

And suddenly BOOM! Purple everywhere! It’s like someone squirted a grape flavoured Gusher all over the complex. Ew.

Anyway guess what time it is now people! It’s time to GRIND! Wooooo aren’t you all excited? Get your whetstones out because this is going to be a doozy!

Jeeze, the Pokemon on Victory Road are mostly at bizarrely low levels. I mean around 2/3s of them are unevolved level 20 somethings, with the rest being level 40 evolved forms of the unevolved ones. This... isn’t really making for good grinding. Hmmmm... I think I have a plan though. We’ve already killed one legendary bird this episode, so hey, WHY DON’T WE KILL ‘EM ALL???? MURDER IS SO MUCH FUN :D!

Alright, so first up, Zapdos! Unfortunately, in Generation I you can’t just fly directly to the Pokemon Center in front of Rock tunnel so I have to trek there from Cerulean and take out Bellsprout one last time to cut the tree.
I thought I was done with cutting...

I also thought I was done with Pokemaniacs, but no, there’s one in front of the power plant with woefully under-leveled Pokemon.

Yeah, this one gets disintegrated too.

Alright, start kick-ass music! Which is the exact same as the Team Rocket music despite them having nothing to do with this place, but whatever.

Ah, here are the good old Voltorb and Electrode disguised as Pokeballs. And... they’re level 40? Wait what? But the rest of the Pokemon in here are in their 20s, except for Zapdos obviously. The level disparity here is even worse than on Victory Road!

Aha, TM 25 Thunder is here! I might have use for this yet... Also TM 33 Reflect, which I suppose I might maybe possibly use... but probably not.

*Suddenly, a Wild Raichu appears!*
Wait what? HOLY SHIT! I didn’t know you ever could run into a wild one, I mean usually Pokemon that evolve via evolutionary stone don’t tend to show up in the wild. Damn Generation I, you weird O.o

Aha, there’s Zapdos! MURDER TIME :D

*Shout comes in against... a yellow sea urchin with bird feet?*

Seriously, could they make that sprite any spikier?
*Shout just beats it into the ground with Strength over the course of several turns*
You make me wanna make a bad electricity pun! But I won’t because I’m better than that yeaaaaah!

*walks out door near Zapdos, comes out same door I went in*
Wait what? Did I just find a worm hole?

Well anyways, spatial anomalies aside, next up is Articuno in the Seafoam Islands! There can be only none!

*A few minutes later*
Good thing I set all this up beforehand or who knows how long this could have taken... alright Articuno, time to die!

*TheRainbow bares its claws at the freaky alien pigeon that is Articuno*

Yah know, this one almost looked good but they had to fuck up the beak and make it 5x larger than it should’ve been. Oh well...
*3HKO with Thunderbolt*
Alright, now who wants some barbequed giant ice chicken?

*one delicious meal later*
Mmmmm tasty. Anyway, now that that’s done all there is left to do is... grind. Well at least something got done in the meantime...

Huh, actually I think I’m getting more experience here in the Seafoam Islands on average than I did at Victory road. I think I’m just going to stay and train here instead of on Victory Road... at least here nothing resists the entire movesets of TongueTied and Screentime.

Wait a second. What’s this? TheRainbow wants to learn Slash?

Holy crap, Slash is SO FREAKING AWESOME! It OHKOs everything down here and at the cost of absolutely no recoil! It’s so wonderful! *sheds a tear*

*A lv 31 grabby uses motherfucking Guillotine*
O.O at level 31???? Holy shit man! Not that it matters since in Generation I it only works on Pokemon slower than you, but still, an OHKO on a wild Pokemon? Madness I tell you!

*Screentime wants to learn Mirror Move!*
Wait what? Again? I guess since it’s fully evolved now the level it learns it at got pushed up to level 54. I think I’m actually going to teach it to Screentime over Sand-Attack, since I’ve realized that with Fly I really don’t need Sand-Attack to activate the Rage Glitch anyway. Maybe I can use it to copy some better moves for him, like Slash and stuff.

Aha Bud is level 55 now! Wait for it...
*Bud is trying to learn Sleep Powder!*
Oh HELL yes. Goodbye Growth and hello useful moveslot!

*Much, much later*
FINALLY my entire team is level 55! That’s still 10 levels lower than Blue’s Charizard, but it should be sufficient. By the way, training this chapter took approximately 8 hours of play time. I am not exaggerating. Though the few times my game pack got loose and caused me to lose 30+ minutes of progress didn’t help much.

But huzzah, the good news is that is OVER! Now for the grand finale; the Pokemon League! It’s finally time for the biggest show down so far! So... are you ready? Well too bad, because I’m not. Not tonight anyway, I’ve already spent all day grinding dang it. You’re going to have to wait until next time. Until then, audios!


Location: Indigo Plateau
Badges: 8
Pokemon: 6
Retries: 5 (One more challenge to go)


Bud the Venusaur
Level 55
Take Down
Sleep Powder
Leech Seed
Razor Leaf

Well here we go! Sleep Powder finally gives him the ability to reliably Leech Seed stall should the need arise, though the chances of that at this point in the game are kind of slim, especially when he has such a powerful attack in Razor Leaf to fall back on. He’d be extremely useful in the League, if not for some of the solos I have to do, particularly with TheRainbow. Chances are that thanks to that he won’t see much use beyond Bruno’s Onix... Ah well, he’s enough for me so far it doesn’t matter that much.

Screentime the Pidgeot
Level 55
Quick Attack
Mirror Move
Take Down

Yes, evolution really did help Screentime out a lot, but he’s still not nearly as good as most of the rest of the team. In particular his special defence leaves a lot to be desired. Still, at least he isn’t completely useless now. I hope I can manage to take down Blue’s Charizard one last time with him... lord knows it’ll be rough unless I can lock him into Rage again. I think I’ll just have to hope to get lucky... at least now if it uses Slash in the fight Screentime can copy it. I don’t see Mirror Move being much use beyond that though. Screentime should be useful against Bruno at least though.

Shout the Nidoking
Level 55
Earthquake (3 PP Up)
Horn Drill
Double Team

I’ve actually be surprised by Shout’s lack of power this chapter, with Earthquake not even being able to reliably take down a Golduck 15 levels lower than him. Still, he’s got the bulk and power to be useful. Indeed, I think he’ll be completely life saving against Agatha, who would likely be hell to take down for my team otherwise. Thank lord Levitate doesn’t exist in Generation 1!

Random the Gyarados
Level 55
Body Slam

I actually used Bide a few times when grinding... when my other moves were completely out of PP that is. Other than that there’s not much to be said for his past performance except that he demolishes everything still. The real question is how well he’ll do against the Elite Four, and my hunch is that he’ll do damn well indeed. I’ll probably teach him Blizzard just before Lance so his Dragonite doesn’t muck me up too bad, but we’ll wait until I get there to decide on that for sure. In any case, you can expect to see some ownage out of him next chapter!

TongueTied the Golbat
Level 55
Wing Attack
Hyper Beam

Well, TongueTied has pretty much served his purpose by this point. I don’t see it being very likely he’ll get any use at all in the Elite Four as he’s outclassed in virtually every way by his teammates. Even Screentime outclasses him since his evolution; at least Screentime has a way of doing decent damage to opponents without hurting himself or missing a turn to recharge. Who knows though, maybe he’ll be surprisingly helpful! Honestly though... I doubt it.

TheRainbow the Persian
Level 55

Oh my god. Slash is everything I could have hoped for and more. It does tremendous amounts of damage to anything that doesn’t resist it. It’s astounding how easy it was to train him after I got it. Still, I’m somewhat nervous about the Elite Four. OHKOing everything is easy when your opponents are all 10-25 levels lower than you... it’s a different story against the mighty members of the Elite Four. And TheRainbow has a LOT of work to do there too, between having to Solo Lorelei and half of Blue’s team as well as any miscellaneous tasks I decide to give him. Still, I fully expect him to succeed... though I might want to pack a few X-items as insurance.

Uh oh! It would seem I've hit the image limit (yeah, thought that might happen). The last chapter and the Epilogue will be continued in this post here!


You don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Alright everyone, as you can likely see I have uploaded the first chapter of my Hard Blue Scramble Challange! I made an effort to make it more funny this time as I felt I had been letting my update get too dry as of later. You don't need to hear about every little thing I find and what I plan to do with it, you want to hear me make fun of 14 year old monochrome sprites dammit!

Anyway, comments and criticism appreciated, I love hearing what you guys thought of my updates :)

EDIT: Also great work as usual Ax! May Jimer continue to serve you well :P


You don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Funny update as usual Shinyskarmory, however your "loophole abuse" joke raised an issue with your post there. You don't have the Pokemon and their restrictions listed, so I have no idea what loopholes you're abusing! You should add that so we actually know what you're doing and why without having to go searching for the posts where they submitted them to you.
Great updates, both of you. Funny, too! I'm really sorry about my time frame with my updates, but as soon as I can get up my pokemon, I'll surely start work on Chapter 7! Also, I'm excited to see more from the both of you!
Funny update as usual Shinyskarmory, however your "loophole abuse" joke raised an issue with your post there. You don't have the Pokemon and their restrictions listed, so I have no idea what loopholes you're abusing! You should add that so we actually know what you're doing and why without having to go searching for the posts where they submitted them to you.
I was probably too lazy to edit in the pokemon when I first made the post...okay, pokemon edited in.
Chapter 1 of Diamond Scramble most of the way up, but there's something I found:
@King Serperior: There are, in total, 26 Pokémon owned by Gym Leaders in Diamond. Chimchar will be soloing Candice, so that leaves 22. Of those 22, in order for Bob-Omb to fully evolve, i need to solo 15 of them. There's no way I can solo pretty much anything from the first 4 Gyms, which leaves 7 pokes to solo. Which means I'll be stuck with Geodude for the entire game. Its a hard Scramble, not a super-impossible one. I really need this restriction either lifted or changed dramatically.

Edit: I'll be damned, Newby noob's right.

To all reading: yea I know the GL battle isn't in my usual format, on iPod, have difficulties doing it normal way. It'll be back to normal soon
@waterwarrior: If you look more carefully at the challange, it tells you to solo 10 gym trainers without using SE moves and KO 5 GLP with Selfdestruct/Explosion.

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