Okay, so we're at the point of personal attacks. That's fine I guess though I really didn't expect that from someone like you. If even you are at this point, I can only conclude that you are speaking for the whole community when addressing me. I suppose this entire post is going to be off topic, but you decided to try to call me out so I figure I had best respond. I ask that you actually read all of this.
I don't like being accused of not caring. That's just not true, and it actually deeply offends me. Does anyone remember my big reputation for making ridiculously long posts? I didn't just make those for fun; I was always doing my best to be thorough and insightful when I did make such posts. The result? People always got upset whenever I said anything controversial (controversial being anything they didn't agree with, because it's evidently offensive to be in disagreement) or just because my post was too long for their tastes. I was always making arguments about one thing or another for sure. Whether it be that Magneton was the second best electric type in RSE or that Dragonite should be OU in RBY because of Wrap or that HP legends in GSC is a stupid rule or that we need to test all of the Pokemon for status in that newfangled DP game or that Wobbuffet isn't broken or whatever, I was definitely always on the minority side. Smogon's community doesn't treat that kindly if you haven't noticed, and if my 1500+ post count is any indication, I really did give it a lot of attempts. You are telling me I'm not really a part of the community, and you may be right. I never really found any friends in the Smogon community. So here I am years later not a part of the community still here in another argument on the hated minority side. Either I must be a really bizarre troll... or maybe I just happen to care.
You are trying to call me out on not using IRC, but think about it for a second. My experience on the forums already makes it abundantly clear that every time I post an opinion I'm going to be drug into a somewhat tiring argument in which the other side is going to probably make either severely flawed arguments that are obviously wrong but they stick to anyway (codes of honor, etc.) and/or (probably and) degenerate into sometimes not so thinly veiled attacks against me personally. This is actually far harder to deal with in real time chats, and in any case, I just generally don't like random chat programs (I also don't use AIM, MSN, etc.). IRC especially has a stigma for me; I left it with a very sour taste in my mouth after RSBot, and in any case, I really question the transparency of such a system. I don't see why using IRC should be mandatory to be a part of this community; is this forum just for giggles?
This leads into why I don't post much any more. It's not because I don't care. Far from it in fact. It's just that I have limits, and I couldn't handle how stressful being an active poster was (due to the nature of the replies I always got). I am still here a whole lot. Every single day I come here and read everything of interest I can find in Inside Scoop, Policy Review, and Stark Mountain (and yes, when everyone else had "given up" on Stark Mountain, I was still reading it). When I do post, it's either something really "safe" that I'm sure won't offend anyone (which is why I spent some substantial time researching ingame mechanics and posting about them here) or something about which I feel strongly enough that I have to post for one reason or another.
You might be wondering why I still bother if I get the feeling that I'm generally just hated and don't belong and why I would actually care if I really feel this way. It really is about the game. All along, the only thing I ever wanted was for Pokemon to be a serious competitive game. When I say serious, I mean that I wanted to see Pokemon listed alongside Street Fighter and other such obvious gems as the top notch in competitive gaming. Smogon, as long as it has been around, has always been my best hope. I tried seeing if I could make a difference just dealing with new people on Gamefaqs; it didn't work. Places like serebii's forums or pokerealm weren't options for reason that should be obvious to all, and everywhere else was just too small of a community. So yeah, I'm here because Smogon is the best competitive community for Pokemon even if it's loaded with anti-competitive people with "codes of honor" etc. Every post I make is always my way of best trying to move Smogon past those problems and into a fully fledged competitive community. Even when I don't do anything, that's just me stuck in the position where I am just sitting back watching and hoping that things will work out and feeling helpless to do anything.
I suppose there's also hope. I always hoped that even if everyone actually posting was against me that maybe, just maybe, I was making a difference with those who were just lurking. I know for a fact that "randoms" (who are really just unestablished members whose opinions are too often devalued) have listened to what I had to say before; maybe in general I was making headway even if the surface signs suggested it was always hopeless. Reading your post about my position in this community, I'm getting a feeling that the surface signs were pretty much right.
You pretty much said the only reason I'm relevant at all is because of my connection to Colin. Try looking at that statement from my perspective for a second. My literal years of time spent in the Pokemon community mean absolutely nothing, and everything I have ever tried to accomplish was meaningless. You're just telling me that really, at the end of the day, all of my attempts to do anything really didn't count for anything, that honestly when people said tl;dr they meant it and didn't read it, and that I'm just generally expendable. These votes themselves are just an attempt to roll back everything I've been trying to accomplish in competitive Pokemon in the past 6 months which is not a short amount of time. It's even worse because it's the first thing I've ever actually accomplished; I finally had something to be proud of, and it's being taken away by this process that's obviously designed to produce the desired results. I guess it doesn't affect the official server true, but ultimately the impact of the official server is pretty small on the game as a whole if the biggest community that everyone looks to for competitive guidance is against it.
Maybe you're ready to go on about how I've been trying to circumvent this community in what has been happening on the Official Server. That's actually really not true as I was always looking at what people on smogon were saying and taking it very seriously, but that aside, I was hoping that maybe changes enacted there might inspire change here. Don't read anything I've been doing as abandoning smogon; I've just been trying to get something of substance to "bring back" and maybe really make things happen. My "alternative" was always to look at the weight of the evidence and to analyze it fairly and objectively. I'm sure I've said this before; that accusation is really off base.
You and probably many others probably think I'm just being difficult and have always just been difficult (VIL actually tried to call me out on that once in the main chat of the official server). That's not true at all. Every single thing I have ever argued I truly did believe, and I have always in every case had nothing but the best intentions. Even now as it's clear to me that my cause is hopeless, I'm still trying against all reason. This may be "just the internet", but seeing years of efforts amount to nothing not only in practical results but in any sort of appreciation is really hurtful. At several points while typing this post, I was literally about to cry. I do care; I care more than you could ever know.
I'm really not scared of the threats to demote me out of even the ability to say anything. I just ask for one thing. Really look at what I've been doing for the years I've been here. Has it really been of absolutely no value? Am I really so poorly esteemed that you are reading the way I act as an apathy toward trying to be a part of the community? If you and everyone else really can't see any value in anything I've done, I suppose there's no sense in delaying the inevitable. I've been grinding my gears for years, and probably without even realizing it, you've managed to bring all of those years to a critical point. I want a clear, unambiguous answer about where I stand, and if that answer really is that I'm nothing, I can make you a solemn promise that I'll never pester you or anyone else here by posting again. I'd really like to hear that it's really not like that, but please do be honest. I have spent too much time already to not have what should be the most simple of clarity. Just know that I actually do care about both Pokemon and smogon and have always been trying the best way I know how to seek the best and that, yes, I was absolutely terrified when I hit the "Submit Reply" button.
