A "The One"

[LonelyNess]

Disclaimer: I am quite intoxicated at the time of writing this thread so it might not be entirely coherent (luckily spell check exists).

Warning - The Reading of this Thread Will Cause Your Viewing of a B-Grade Movie to be Slightly Spoiled

So I just got done watching a movie called TiMER. It's about an alternate future where everyone (well, mostly everyone) has these wrist timers that can predict 100% to the dot when you'll first make eye contact with your "soulmate".

Now, through the movie the protagonist's (Girl A) timer is blank meaning her soul mate hasn't gotten a timer yet so she goes through life dating timerless men hoping to find her "The One". Anyway, because her timer is blank she's forever miserable because she thinks she's going to be without true love forever and ever, but she meets a guy who she falls in love with who has a timer (later revealed to be a fake timer), but decides she doesn't care because she's in love. Later he reveals he doesn't have a timer and refuses to get one because he thinks they're bullshit. Later in that week though the girl's timer starts to count down (meaning her soulmate got one). She gets all excited because it's scheduled to beep during her birthday party.

Anyway simultaneously her sister (Girl B) has this ridiculously long timer on her watch (something like 10 years or whatever). She's miserable because she knows she's going to be alone for X amount of time, but she meets a guy and falls in love with him but this guy doesn't have a timer so he can't possibly be her soul mate (cause hers has already started counting down).

So the girl with the ridiculously long timer decides to say "fuck it" and gets her timer removed, because she's content to be with the guy that she's fallen in love with.

At Girl A's birthday party, it's revealed that the love interest of Girl B got a timer and is actually Girl A's soul mate. Girl B is pissed off and starts a big fight and Girl A is in denial that it's true, goes and gets her timer removed and then there's a big climactic scene with the guy she fell in love with at the beginning of the film where she's like "I don't carea bout this soul mate bullshit I love you!"

Now, that I think would have been a good way to end the movie.... but then they ruin what I thought would have been a good "here's something to think about" conclusion by making her realize that that guy really ISN'T for her... then she gets together with her soulmate, validating all of the bullshit that we've been lead to believe has made her life miserable the entire movie.

Anyway, cop-out ending aside, I felt it raised a thought provoking question...

Do you believe in a "The One"? Defined as the singular person in existence that is destined to be the person you are meant to be with romantically.

(Remember that not everyone necessarily has a "The One"... they may be destined to live alone or with a sub-optimal partner forever!)

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Anyway, my answer to this question is no... I don't believe in a The One. I believe that given a subset of qualities that we find desirable, we CHOOSE who we fall in love with. I have loved 3 girls in my life and I very likely could have happily spent the rest of my life with them (had they chosen me as well). I also believe that this is one reason why so many marriages / relationships fail, because those involved are lulled into some false sense that it's not a choice to be in a good relationship... that one should just "happen" if it's "right", and that any deviation from perfection is a sign that you're not meant to be together. But I'm of the opinion that even a relationship that is "right" still requires a conscious decision of both parties to work hard towards that relationship.

Though perhaps something could be said for the determining of whether or not to love someone. What makes me so much more likely to choose Girl Y over Girl X in any scenario? What makes me want to TRY and work out a relationship with one girl over any other? You could say it's possibly predetermined....

Anyway, the movie, while pissing me off, made me think of this... so Smogon what do you think?

 

[Ninahaza]

funny, tonight i saw the movie Crazy, Stupid Love. the movie is basically about love and one's soulmate, it got me thinking about a question along what you've asked. i liked the movie

 

[Lee]

so basically LN, you got drunk and watched a crappy chick flick. did you also eat ice cream and stress over how it was going to go straight to your hips? you're such a chick.

as for the question, no. naturally some people are more suited to others but the idea of there being this 'one' is nothing more than a romantic notion influenced by literature and Hollywood and then perpetuated by lonely singletons. when you consider how many billions of girls/guys there are in the world, it's kinda foolish to assume that you can only be truly happy with one of them because of some pre-destined indeterminable concept. it'll drive you insane and you'll end up being a pretentious overly picky jerk like that main bloke off How I Met your Mother.

 

[akuchi]

I believe in a concept of 'the one' insofar as 'i have not met one that suits me better also itd suck SO HARD for SO LONG if we split up i dont even want to think about it and id have about five million hangups but id find someone else and be happy with them eventually too'. does that count?

 

[Zeromus EG]

This sort of question really hits home in the situation that I'm in right now. I went straight from school to being in a long term relationship, which has been going for 3 years. Now I'm sorta realising that I'm nowhere near mature enough for something like this (especially after being at uni for a year)...

Because of that I'd say no, there isn't "one person" for everybody. A few years ago I'd have definitely considered my current girlfriend as a contender, but that was formed from a lack of experience and a case of "oh we've been together for so long, it's destined to work"... It's depressing that I'm gonna end it after 3 years, but as I said before, I think I'd be silly to go from "no relationship experience whatsoever" to "marriage".

 

[More Cowbell]

I don't believe that everybody has a ''The One''. Like Lee said, some people are more suited for each other, but I don't believe there is one perfect partner for everybody.

 

[Wikey]

Yeah, I've been happily married for almost three years, I don't believe in soul mates. I do believe the odds of me meeting another woman that makes me as happy as my wife are about the same as me becoming president, however. Also, I will say that the reason so many people get divorced is because of this Hollywood soul mate shit. Real relationships take a lot of work. Why people aren't willing to work on the most important connection in their lives is baffling to me. Also, women screw relationships a lot with the phrase, "shouldn't have to." Like, "I shouldn't have to ask for that you should just know!" Yes, in a perfect world you wouldn't have to ask for that but when it becomes obvious that you will not get that without asking it is your responsibility to sit your man or woman down and have a talk with them. Explain what is making you upset and what they cab do to help you.

The most important thing in a relationship is communication. Tell your spouse EVERYTHING that affects your relationship. Don't hold stuff in only to throw it in their face later. Talk to each other. If there is something that you can tell other people but not your spouse that is not a healthy relationship. Also, my son is about a week and a half old. Expect to be nasty to eachother a few times when suffering from sleep deprivation from taking care of a baby. That's another thing, people fight. You just have to learn how to forgive eachother and handle situations in a healthy way.

Edit: The list of ways I've seen men screw relationships up is too long to list.

 

[Staraptor Call]

I don't believe in The One. If people have destined soulmates, or any kind of unchangeable destiny, then they can't have free will.

 

[Shining_Latios]

I kinda believe in "The One". It just seems that love doesn't last forever -- in my view, nothing does.

 

[Outlaw]

I was expecting a review of the Jet Li movie. I am disappointed.

 

[Shining_Latios]

I was expecting a review of the Jet Li movie. I am disappointed.

What's that movie about?

 

[WaterBomb]

I believe in "The One", but that ties in with my spiritual beliefs that God is implementing His plan in my life. I believe that God put Christina (my wife) in my life at the time he did for a specific reason, and it's clear to me that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm not going to delve further into religious discussion because this isn't the topic for it, and also because my personal beliefs are based on my life experiences and not some logical doctrine I am prepared to argue.

Not sure what else there is to say than that.

 

[Kinneas]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gaid72fqzNE

Sums up my thoughts on soul mates.

"Look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say
That given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of fate,
It's obstruse to deduce that I've found my soulmate at the age of 17
It's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in perth
I happened to stumble on the one girl on earth specifically designed for me

And if I may conjecture a further objection love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened the affection simply grows over time
Like a flower, or a mushroom, or a guinea pig, or a vine, or a sponge, or bigotry... or a banana
And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and synergy
And symbiotic empathy or something like that...
So I trust it would go without saying
That I would feel really very sad if tomorrow you were to fall off something high or catch something bad
But I'm just saying
I don't think you're special
I mean, I think your special
But... You fall within a bell curve."

 

[Kier]

i believe in a 'the one' and that my 'the one' is parker posey

i also believe in this:

I believe in a concept of 'the one' insofar as 'i have not met one that suits me better also itd suck SO HARD for SO LONG if we split up i dont even want to think about it and id have about five million hangups but id find someone else and be happy with them eventually too'. does that count?

i know that feel bro

more seriously, i suppose it can't hurt to believe in a 'the one' (i love how awkwardly this is worded) but i mean, it's no guarantee that you will ever find your 'the one' or that he or she even exists... a bit pessimistic i suppose.

this is the nerdiest thing i have read in a while: '...the determining of whether or not to love someone.'

as for my own beliefs i feel like if i find the right girl i'll know and that's the extent of it. a professor of mine once said that after a year of dating someone you'll know whether you'll be able to tolerate him or her for much longer -- the honeymoon is over so to speak and you find out whether or not you can stand your partner's idiosyncrasies and all that. not sure if i believe it but it was a funny thing for her to say in class.

 

[AJers]

I definitely don't believe in "the one"; nor have I since I was an ickle little kid. Seriously, even the thought process implied in believing in the "one" is crazy. If you have one fight with a significant other then it's obvious that they're not the one? I'm screwed, I like arguing too much. Seriously, I even annoy myself sometimes. ;)

I guess I was always a pessimist; but JUST maybe I could be considered an optimist. The thought of only ONE person being the "perfect" match and the exhausting search that it implies sounds like a shit-fest, to be honest. In comparison, just looking for some compatibility with another person and working from there sounds fantastic!

I strongly believe timing is one of the key components to who you end up with (or without). As in, you meet a great guy/girl and totally dig them, but one of you are already engaged (or, sometimes just as crippling, someone JUST got out of a long-term relationship and aren't ready for the next big thing); but I maintain that most individuals eventually mature to the "settle down and have a significant other" stage around the same generational time (or maybe they just start feeling the pressure due to their friends doing it?).

Getting any relationship to work is exhausting (so I understand); and let's be honest, the foundation that our grandparents were married upon was a world-apart from the unions of the current era. I have some out-of-style values/opinions about marriage, as in, I doubt I'll ever marry because I doubt I'll ever get to the point that I'll be okay with saying "forever" with another person; something about that commitment scares the shit out of me (probably because I take it pretty seriously). Personally, I just feel that American society (in general) is too focused on the next "big" thing instead of working and improving upon the things that they already have; both in professional and personal relationships.

Anyways, tl;dr: One true love does not exist. And it's not even a pretty thought... :P

 

[comatthew6]

I don't believe in fate, I don't believe in destiny, and I certainly do NOT believe that there is a person that is perfect for me in every single way. I think that's a bunch of bullcrap. I certainly believe in love, at one point a couple years back I honestly believed that I was in love until some shit happened that made me fall out of love. I definitely hope that I do find love again, though. Life would suck if I don't =/

 

[az]

fuck "the one"

 

[Glen]

say it to jet li's face i dare you

 

[az]

hee is beeginning to beelieeve

 

[Glen]

as much as i want to talk about jet li i have to say the idea of 'the one' in terms of romance is so outlandish that you really may as well be believing in santa claus

if you truly love someone you're gonna feel like they're 'the one' and if/when you break up, you will probably stop feeling that way. maybe you won't stop and you'll be pining over her forever but that doesn't make it true!

 

[Outlaw]

I AM NOBODY'S BITCH!

You are mine.

 

[Fatecrashers]

bitch please

 

[cookie]

you cannot beat us

 

[makiri]

Having just seen Highlander, I think that there can only be one.

 

[CaptKirby]

LonelyNess watches a shitty film, then poses a shitty theoretical everyone knows the answer to (no such thing as soulmates, lots of examples of very fun relationship possibilities).

i believe in a 'the one' and that my 'the one' is parker posey

good luck noble man

p.s. if anyone wants to apply to be my soulmate I am taking applications from female race car drivers