Serious Falling In Love

Pastelle

we're all star stuff
Okay there's something that i REALLY need to get off of my chest and even though an online pokemon forum isn't probably the place to do it, I'm gonna do it anyways because fuck it.

I've known this boy since I was in middle school, but over the past year or so we've become really close friends. We hang out almost every week at least once, and we have pretty much the exact same interests. Not only that, but he is incredibly caring, sweet, hilarious, and hella attractive. You're probably thinking that this sounds like the start to a sappy love story, but the one major hiccup is that he is gay.

He's my best friend. I understand that this is who he is and he's so happy and confident in himself that I wouldn't want it any other way. Seeing him happy makes me happy. But the other night, after a late night party, he offered to let me spend the night at his house since I had been drinking and didn't want to drive. I ended up sleeping in the same bed as him, and while he wrapped his arms around me (after complaining I was cold), I felt something I'd never felt before that I can only describe as love. It was a nervous, tingly feeling. Being in his arms made me feel so safe and cared for. It was so wonderful and I never wanted it to end. All I wanted to do was tell him how I felt, but I know I couldn't cause it would really weird him out.

I value our friendship more than anything, so I don't want to do anything that would risk me losing it. But man its hard having strong feelings for someone that you know won't feel them back. Like obviously I know that he cares about me since he, ya know, let me sleep in his bed with him and cuddled, but I really wish that I could be honest with him and everyone else around me.
 

UncleSam

Leading this village
is a Forum Moderator
Moderator
It doesn't happen often, but every once in a while you meet someone with whom you gel perfectly. It may have taken years and years of mafia play before we finally met, but I am so, so glad to have finally met the qtiest and sweetest girl in the whole wide world

Isn't that right Yeti <3

I hope that everyone here finds someone and is happy! It can happen, don't give up hope!
 
Okay there's something that i REALLY need to get off of my chest and even though an online pokemon forum isn't probably the place to do it, I'm gonna do it anyways because fuck it.

I've known this boy since I was in middle school, but over the past year or so we've become really close friends. We hang out almost every week at least once, and we have pretty much the exact same interests. Not only that, but he is incredibly caring, sweet, hilarious, and hella attractive. You're probably thinking that this sounds like the start to a sappy love story, but the one major hiccup is that he is gay.

He's my best friend. I understand that this is who he is and he's so happy and confident in himself that I wouldn't want it any other way. Seeing him happy makes me happy. But the other night, after a late night party, he offered to let me spend the night at his house since I had been drinking and didn't want to drive. I ended up sleeping in the same bed as him, and while he wrapped his arms around me (after complaining I was cold), I felt something I'd never felt before that I can only describe as love. It was a nervous, tingly feeling. Being in his arms made me feel so safe and cared for. It was so wonderful and I never wanted it to end. All I wanted to do was tell him how I felt, but I know I couldn't cause it would really weird him out.

I value our friendship more than anything, so I don't want to do anything that would risk me losing it. But man its hard having strong feelings for someone that you know won't feel them back. Like obviously I know that he cares about me since he, ya know, let me sleep in his bed with him and cuddled, but I really wish that I could be honest with him and everyone else around me.
I think my advice here is not to risk, maybe you can be the most atractive girl in the world but if he is gay nothing can change that or you could try to see hints if he is just lying about that cause maybe for him its a trend, for example ask him to see his finger nails, the way he does that its enough proff to see if he is a real gay or just a trend for him, lets say if he flips the hand and contracts the fingers there is a high chance that he is not gay but if he expands the hand like a lady well sorry try to move on for another person.
 

Pastelle

we're all star stuff
I think my advice here is not to risk, maybe you can be the most atractive girl in the world but if he is gay nothing can change that or you could try to see hints if he is just lying about that cause maybe for him its a trend, for example ask him to see his finger nails, the way he does that its enough proff to see if he is a real gay or just a trend for him, lets say if he flips the hand and contracts the fingers there is a high chance that he is not gay but if he expands the hand like a lady well sorry try to move on for another person.
yeah this isn't a questioning thing, he is 100% gay. He's expressed interest in other guys, we marathon Rupaul's Drag Race all the time, and overall he has pretty feminine tendencies and interests. Not so much that it's super obvious but enough that we questioned his sexuality before he formally came out.

I know that there's not much I can do and that I should move on, but I am glad that we're about as close as we can be and that he's in my life at all. It just sucks that the romantic interest is there rip
 

Pastelle

we're all star stuff
reviving this thread to give a lil update on my situation. Since this has eating at me for a long time, and I felt like I was keeping a dirty secret, I told him I had feelings for him. It was one of the most nerve-racking things I've ever done, but I couldn't keep being dishonest with him. I was so scared that he wasn't going to take it well and feel really uncomfortable, thus not wanting to see me anymore. Luckily, thank god, he took it really well. He just kind of chuckled and said "If I had a dollar for every time this happened I wouldn't need to worry about my tuition anymore lol". He said he wasn't too bothered by it and that he totally understood how I felt, being gay in an area where they're aren't many gay men his age. He also assured me that this doesn't change his opinion of me and he wants to keep hanging out.

You have NO idea how relieved I am. I felt so dirty feeling this way about him, cause I felt like as a friend I wasn't allowed to have a romantic interest. But being honest with him felt so good, and I'm glad that it seems like he's not going to think anything different of me.

So I guess the moral of the story is if you have feelings for a friend, be honest with them. If they're a true friend their opinion of you won't change, and if anything the relationship will get stronger.
 
Y'know what it's like when your childhood friend is the opposite gender and even though we've parted ways, you still see her in the halls and she looks beautiful?
I'm sure I felt something for her back then but that's the closest I've gotten to love.
Just getting older and realizing your best friend happens to be a girl

Of course, things change.
I've never really fallen in love or have been interested in since.

reviving this thread to give a lil update on my situation. Since this has eating at me for a long time, and I felt like I was keeping a dirty secret, I told him I had feelings for him. It was one of the most nerve-racking things I've ever done, but I couldn't keep being dishonest with him. I was so scared that he wasn't going to take it well and feel really uncomfortable, thus not wanting to see me anymore. Luckily, thank god, he took it really well. He just kind of chuckled and said "If I had a dollar for every time this happened I wouldn't need to worry about my tuition anymore lol". He said he wasn't too bothered by it and that he totally understood how I felt, being gay in an area where they're aren't many gay men his age. He also assured me that this doesn't change his opinion of me and he wants to keep hanging out.

You have NO idea how relieved I am. I felt so dirty feeling this way about him, cause I felt like as a friend I wasn't allowed to have a romantic interest. But being honest with him felt so good, and I'm glad that it seems like he's not going to think anything different of me.

So I guess the moral of the story is if you have feelings for a friend, be honest with them. If they're a true friend their opinion of you won't change, and if anything the relationship will get stronger.
I'm glad everything went out well for you man.
 
I'm gonna try to keep this short since I'm tired and on my phone, but I really feel like I'm going to start struggling soon. There's this girl at my college that I'm friends with and have been friends with for a few months now. We see eachother pretty often (like several times throughout the day), as we live in the same residence hall and I'm friends with both of her roommates. It didn't start out this way, but after about a month of being friends with her I began to realize I had feelings for her. I wasn't exactly concerned about it at first, but after about a week or so it started to eat away at me, especially since I had a sinking feeling that she wasn't as interested in me as I was in her, and it had me in a really depressed mood (it did not help that I was still dealing with the leftover emotions from the end of my first relationship, which ended about 7 weeks prior). A few of my friends really began to take notice of how I was feeling, and after I told them what was bothering me, they urged me to just ask her out. It took some more prodding, but I finally worked up the guts to ask her out on a date (which was actually the first time I had done that, my first relationship began a bit differently). She said no, and that she wasn't looking for a relationship. I was feeling really, really down about this for the rest of the day, but my friends who urged me into it were able to cheer me up a little bit. Fortunately for me, the next day I was able to interact with her as normal, and we continued our friendship as normal, albeit neither of have talked about me asking her out since.

I asked her out on november 13, almost a month ago now. Our friendship still persists, and it has probably gotten at least somewhat stronger, having done a couple things together since then. For the most part, I thought I'd be fine with any remaining feelings for her, and that they wouldn't get in the way of our friendship. But in the past week, I've started to notice some more of those feelings resurfacing, and I'm really worried if I don't talk to her/someone about it I'll have to distance myself from her or it will start to eat away at my overall mood again.

The problem is that I don't really know what to say or how to say it. I don't want to say the wrong thing and upset her, since I know she's the kind of person to shove away people who make her upset, and regardless of whether she shuns me or I just try to distance myself from her, I want to try and maintain our friendship. I plan on talking to a few close friends about my predicament, but I'm kind of hoping someone here is willing to offer some advice. If anybody needs clarification/more details to go on, I'd be happy to give a bit more.
 
The problem is that I don't really know what to say or how to say it. I don't want to say the wrong thing and upset her, since I know she's the kind of person to shove away people who make her upset, and regardless of whether she shuns me or I just try to distance myself from her, I want to try and maintain our friendship. I plan on talking to a few close friends about my predicament, but I'm kind of hoping someone here is willing to offer some advice. If anybody needs clarification/more details to go on, I'd be happy to give a bit more.
Very late response, but from past personal / friend similar experiences, I think you should distance yourself a bit from her, until your feelings for her 'go away'. Most people have a hard time handling unrequited love (on both sides of it), so staying close to the other person is not going to help, as the feelings might only get stronger.

If you're worried because you want to keep your friendship with her, I think that distancing yourself at least for a couple of months is still the best option. If your friendship with her was solid, there shouldnt be any issues continuing it in the future, and it will be much healthier than if you have conflicting thoughts about her.
 
Very late response, but from past personal / friend similar experiences, I think you should distance yourself a bit from her, until your feelings for her 'go away'. Most people have a hard time handling unrequited love (on both sides of it), so staying close to the other person is not going to help, as the feelings might only get stronger.

If you're worried because you want to keep your friendship with her, I think that distancing yourself at least for a couple of months is still the best option. If your friendship with her was solid, there shouldnt be any issues continuing it in the future, and it will be much healthier than if you have conflicting thoughts about her.
Very late response as well, but it is kinda late for me to follow your advice. Since I first posted I've been spending even more time with her, and as you said, my feelings for her only got stronger. It wasn't too long after my initial post that this happened, actually. I've talked to a few of my friends about it, and the gist of what they've said is that it would be wise to be honest and tell her I still have feelings for her. My problem is that last semester, when I got dumped, my emotions took control of me, and my grades really suffered for it. I need to make sure my cumulative GPA gets above a 2.5 this semester, lest I lose my scholarships, so making sure I'm happy is very important for doing that. If there's a chance that the relationship would go down in flames before then, then when I tell her how I feel I should also make that clear.

Sorry if that's kinda confusing, its early in the morning and I'm typing this my phone.
 

Kris

mountain surfer
is a Smogon Media Contributoris a Contributor Alumnus
I didn't really feel the need to post in here because I generally don't believe in falling in love (why is a different story), but there is this guy in my school that has made me experience feelings that I've never had on a crush before.

This guy...Xander...he's amazing. Xander is funny, (somewhat) smart, attractive, and someone who I consider to be a good friend. I cannot get him off of my mind, we always hang out together, we share almost every class, we work together, oh my god. Whenever I blink, I think of Xander and see, hear, taste redyellowpurplebluepinkgreen. I honestly cannot think of anyone or anything else that has made me feel this way. Xander causes me to have conflicting feelings because I don't know how to act without him thinking I'm weird. I want to be with him and am positive that he is one of the greatest people that I have ever met.

However, I go to an all-boys conservative catholic private school where it is very hard to find anyone that is attracted to men like me. It is not likely that this perfect Xander in my eyes is actually into men at all, and even if I do have my reasons to believe so with possible evidence, there is no good approach to him. I want to tell him how I feel because he has made me feel like such a good and happy person for the first time in a while, but there is too much risk; if I confess something to him and end up just outing myself to him to spread more about me, he might actually be gay/bi/etc and not be able to do anything because he is not out and we go to a stupid school, or anything else. There are endless possibilities.

I typically wouldn't post this type of thing, but I had to get it off of my chest and felt bad about repeatedly talking to Rakan about it. also sorry for the kind of big bump

E: It PROBABLY would have been smarter if I didn't use his real name
 
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I didn't really feel the need to post in here because I generally don't believe in falling in love
This is a bad attitude and you are in the way of your own happiness with this outlook. For someone that claims disbelief, the rest of your post says otherwise. With that out of the way lets try to tackle your issue.

Keeping your feelings private here might be the best option until summer vacation, assuming catholic schools get those. That is a sensitive environment and the last thing you want is to draw negative attention. On the other hand keeping your feelings bottled up will never result to much more than discontent, a bunch of what could have been. I think your best option would be just to work on the friendship while trying to reel your feelings in. The more true a friend you are, the more responsibility he should feel towards the loyalty of the friendship. When you have achieved a comfortable amount of trust, which clearly isn't there right now or you wouldn't be with such doubts; then that will be the best time to say what you feel. I'd like to stress that you should always pursue friendship in advance of any potential relationships. Think of it as using a moveset with protect, you want to scout your potential mate's tendencies and go from there. If you really want a relationship to work you must understand that it takes much time and effort. Be patient, be sincere, and don't forget it is okay to take risks. Just don't put yourself in a terrible situation and play your cards to your advantage. Best of luck to you.
 
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I've recently found that I've kind of stagnated and I'm not really sure what I can do about it. I've always found that I do better when my relationship with a girl has time to mature from a friendship and in a few cases it may have gotten as far as love. However now I find that the only way I can meet new people is by pulling teeth and going out to bars or other one off things where I can't possibly get to know someone well enough to develop a real attraction.

I don't feel comfortable in these kind of mingle heavy settings, I have no idea how to steer the conversation out of small talk and somehow in spite of that I'm often told I get too deep into conversation. Even if I have what I consider to be good small talk I have no idea what they got out of it. Anyone that's ever been attracted to me has with very few exceptions had to get to know me well first where they'd find I have a lot to offer personality wise.

Like I know I'm bad at selling myself especially because my interests are also pretty niche and that doesn't fucking help any. I'm always interested to talk about something the other person is passionate about and learn more but I can never seem to coax that kind of thing out of them early for whatever reason. It's really frustrating like maybe all some people do is think about their day to day lives and social circle but it can't be as bad as I'm seeing. And first dates that I get off of Tinder and shit aren't any better most of the time.

Am I missing something out here in the adult world, some situations that will funnel me some regular contact with interesting people? Should I actively try to take up more normal interests to help me in conversations even if my personality won't change or my Power Level's gonna do me in later anyway? Is there any kind of spin or approach that might make me seem more approachable or easy to talk to so they might be able to take some kind of initiative? I fear that if I keep going like this I'm not going to have a chance later on.
 
I've recently found that I've kind of stagnated and I'm not really sure what I can do about it. I've always found that I do better when my relationship with a girl has time to mature from a friendship and in a few cases it may have gotten as far as love. However now I find that the only way I can meet new people is by pulling teeth and going out to bars or other one off things where I can't possibly get to know someone well enough to develop a real attraction.

I don't feel comfortable in these kind of mingle heavy settings, I have no idea how to steer the conversation out of small talk and somehow in spite of that I'm often told I get too deep into conversation. Even if I have what I consider to be good small talk I have no idea what they got out of it. Anyone that's ever been attracted to me has with very few exceptions had to get to know me well first where they'd find I have a lot to offer personality wise.

Like I know I'm bad at selling myself especially because my interests are also pretty niche and that doesn't fucking help any. I'm always interested to talk about something the other person is passionate about and learn more but I can never seem to coax that kind of thing out of them early for whatever reason. It's really frustrating like maybe all some people do is think about their day to day lives and social circle but it can't be as bad as I'm seeing. And first dates that I get off of Tinder and shit aren't any better most of the time.

Am I missing something out here in the adult world, some situations that will funnel me some regular contact with interesting people? Should I actively try to take up more normal interests to help me in conversations even if my personality won't change or my Power Level's gonna do me in later anyway? Is there any kind of spin or approach that might make me seem more approachable or easy to talk to so they might be able to take some kind of initiative? I fear that if I keep going like this I'm not going to have a chance later on.
Personally I agree with wanting to be friends with someone before going out with them; I'd prefer to get to know them and find out if I'm interested rather than start with the assumption that I'm interested and find out if I actually like them while dating. So let's start by saying that what you're really looking for ways to make new friends, rather than ways to find that special someone. With that in mind, it sounds to me like you're looking in completely the wrong places. People at bars are generally looking to have a good night out, and if you approach them, they're probably going to assume you're interested in sex rather than getting to know them. At least with Tinder you can find out if they're looking for sex or a relationship first, but then you're jumping straight to dating which comes with the complication of saying your romantically interested before you actually know them.

Just based on "Am I missing something out here in the adult world, some situations that will funnel me some regular contact with interesting people?" I think you know what you should be looking for, you just need examples. I'm going to start by recommending group activities, preferably with people you share an interest with. Groups tend to mean a pre-existing dynamic, rather than you and someone else figuring out how things work as you go; they increase your the number of people you meet compared to one on ones (because no shit); and they mean you don't have to be interesting and engaging the whole time, there's a group to carry a conversation with and bounce off of. I know you say your interests are niche, but if you're in a city, I guarantee that other people will share those interests. I'm a uni student so I have it easy - between tute groups, clubs and societies, occasional camps, and residential colleges, I have a shit load of options for groups that meet up regularly. We just need to find these kinds of groups that you can join.

iirc from the "writers on smogon" thread, you're considering jumping into sci-fi writing of some sort. Have you considered joining a writer's group? I also know you're a mathematician, do you know of any math clubs or competitions in your area? Maybe you're interested in some form of sportsball; joining a club and/or playing is a great way of meeting new people. Run through that list of interests and see if any of them - any! - have groups of people that meet up regularly for them.

I also think it's worth considering interested you might not have realised you have. That's worded funnily for a reason, bear with me for a second. The obvious thing that fits into that group is trying new things - even if you end up not liking them and stopping, you'll still have met people while you were there (I believe the cliche is dance classes, but honestly, just try out anything with groups that meet up regularly), and this gives you the double bonus of being awesome if you actually do end up enjoying it. But this category also includes an interest I know you have, but might not have considered useful: the interest in going out and meeting new people. I met my girlfriend on a university camp before semester started that was designed to help first years meet and have a friend to talk to when they started uni. The reason this worked so well was because everyone there was friendly and approachable - and of course they were, they were on that camp for the same reason I was. So take that list of interests you already have, and then add to it - if you can think of them - the things you take for granted, and see if that helps.

tl;dr - groups for whatever interests you have are out there, you just need to go out looking and not wait for them to show up for you. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and try new stuff.
 
Personally I agree with wanting to be friends with someone before going out with them; I'd prefer to get to know them and find out if I'm interested rather than start with the assumption that I'm interested and find out if I actually like them while dating. So let's start by saying that what you're really looking for ways to make new friends, rather than ways to find that special someone. With that in mind, it sounds to me like you're looking in completely the wrong places. People at bars are generally looking to have a good night out, and if you approach them, they're probably going to assume you're interested in sex rather than getting to know them. At least with Tinder you can find out if they're looking for sex or a relationship first, but then you're jumping straight to dating which comes with the complication of saying your romantically interested before you actually know them.

Just based on "Am I missing something out here in the adult world, some situations that will funnel me some regular contact with interesting people?" I think you know what you should be looking for, you just need examples. I'm going to start by recommending group activities, preferably with people you share an interest with. Groups tend to mean a pre-existing dynamic, rather than you and someone else figuring out how things work as you go; they increase your the number of people you meet compared to one on ones (because no shit); and they mean you don't have to be interesting and engaging the whole time, there's a group to carry a conversation with and bounce off of. I know you say your interests are niche, but if you're in a city, I guarantee that other people will share those interests. I'm a uni student so I have it easy - between tute groups, clubs and societies, occasional camps, and residential colleges, I have a shit load of options for groups that meet up regularly. We just need to find these kinds of groups that you can join.

iirc from the "writers on smogon" thread, you're considering jumping into sci-fi writing of some sort. Have you considered joining a writer's group? I also know you're a mathematician, do you know of any math clubs or competitions in your area? Maybe you're interested in some form of sportsball; joining a club and/or playing is a great way of meeting new people. Run through that list of interests and see if any of them - any! - have groups of people that meet up regularly for them.

I also think it's worth considering interested you might not have realised you have. That's worded funnily for a reason, bear with me for a second. The obvious thing that fits into that group is trying new things - even if you end up not liking them and stopping, you'll still have met people while you were there (I believe the cliche is dance classes, but honestly, just try out anything with groups that meet up regularly), and this gives you the double bonus of being awesome if you actually do end up enjoying it. But this category also includes an interest I know you have, but might not have considered useful: the interest in going out and meeting new people. I met my girlfriend on a university camp before semester started that was designed to help first years meet and have a friend to talk to when they started uni. The reason this worked so well was because everyone there was friendly and approachable - and of course they were, they were on that camp for the same reason I was. So take that list of interests you already have, and then add to it - if you can think of them - the things you take for granted, and see if that helps.

tl;dr - groups for whatever interests you have are out there, you just need to go out looking and not wait for them to show up for you. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and try new stuff.
Groups like that carried me through university but they're pretty hard to find for my interests where I currently am so it feels really forced. Like it doesn't read as something I would normally do so it's like I'm just trying to go out and meet people and that's the vibe I get with the other people there too so it's awkward. Maybe the groups I've found just suck so I'll keep looking and putting myself out there.
 

lula_preso

formerly whydoievenlivefor
Not quite falling in love, but i don't feel like creating another thread to post this, but I am still in love with my ex.

We just broke up, so it is normal to an extent, I guess. Our relationship was not going well because we both (especially me) have problems with depression and anxiety. It was becoming toxic, so she decided to end it. I was cool, because as I said, the whole thing was becoming toxic. We gave ourselves some time to rethink stuff, I started therapy and I am feeling way better. So, three weeks after the breakup, I spoke to her. Because after all, I still loved her and I was really confident about starting dating her again to fix things that went wrong last time.

Happens that she does not love me anymore and don't want nothing of this.

I hope I can still be her friend, at least, but I don't know how. She was my first girlfriend and I was in that phase where I think she is the only one ever.

How to cope with this shitty feelings and how to regain her trust to be at least a friend? Is that anything I can do so she can love me back? ]:
 
Hey man,

I think you need to take some time for yourself at the moment. The breakup is too recent for you to be able to be friends with her, and the friendship you could get right now would only be a "runner up prize", a way of staying with her in your mind while not being her actual boyfriend. What I learnt from my own experience is that no one should be more important for you than your own self, because in the end you're the one dealing with those shitty feelings, your ex isn't.

Unfortunately, one's mindset post-break up is never great, lots of feelings of nostalgia, loneliness and despair come into place, and I guess you felt that. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to focus on yourself by doing thing you're comfortable with, whatever it is (eating food you like, watching the entirety of your favorite anime/tv show...). You'll probably be sad for a long while, especially if you were really in love with her (and given what you wrote, it seems so) but you'll eventually learn that your previous girlfriend isn't the reason why you live.

You'll even probably love her for the rest of your life, because a part of her is in you now (that sounds cliché af but it really is the truth, correct me if you disagree). The intense feelings that you're going through now will simply decrease with time in appearance although they'll stay here forever : that's how deep and powerful relationships that have to end work in my opinion. Moving on is extremely difficult but give yourself some time, I promise you that you'll learn how to live again.

Keep your head up, and remind yourself that you're a great person with several awesome assets : depression should not make you seem less valuable or loveable.
 

lula_preso

formerly whydoievenlivefor
Mounts

What you said is really helpful. Thank you a lot for this response and for being suportive.

You actually described precisely how I am feeling about the whole situation. I feel like humiliating myself for a bit of her attention, due to the sadness and loneliness. Most of my great memories from the past four years are related to her. And even about the time to myself... I used to do those kind of things with her. Poor mental state made me uncomfortable af when I have to interact with people, she was the main exception. So I used to do those things that made me happy along her. I find extremely hard to dissociate watching said animes, tv shows, going out for a walk etc from her persona. I will probably be getting better as time passes by, but still makes me wanna cry rn and thus I don't know how to find joy in these things, you know? Because the memories of doing stuff with her and blah.

The good thing of this crap is that I started doing therapy and in general I am having a more positive perception about things in life. I believe because of that (and the fact I want her to love me back lol), deep inside I believe she still feels something for me and after some time we can get back togheter. Like, we broke up because things that were not totally under our control. I feel like this relationship can work out again if we met when both are mentally healthy - we are both working on this.

Another thing that makes me think stuff that way is: when we started dating, I didn't want it. I said I was not ready for a relationship, do not had feeling for her the same way and shit. It took some time until we finally made out togheter. Even during that time she was always a nice person to me and tried really hard to make this sentiment to grow. So, I believe that can be done after this break up as well. We do not have racour for each other and nothing like that, so I have this gut I should fight for her (without being invasive and a creepy ex, of course. Just showing I genuinely want her to be happy). At the same time, I have this feeling of "rnuner up prize", which fucks up my pride.

Idk, I know that is unhealthy to keep this expectations that the won't reject me anymore, but I can't help myself. ):

Again, thanks a lot for what you said. It may look like I didn't understand properly, considering the difficulties of focusing in myself I just described, but still. You made my day better.
 
I definitely feel you about your best memories being with her, it's part of the reason why breakups are so hard in my opinion : you forgot that you could be happy without your significant other. I'm pretty sure it is why staying alone for a while to reflect on your situation, your emotions will help you greatly in the future. "Thanks" to that breakup, I'm sure that you'll learn you don't need to make your happiness rely on one person only - because this is extremely dangerous if the person leaves at some point.

What I did when I was in your situation was to read as much stuff as possible on breakups/relationships, spend time on tumblr (official website for sad feelings) and even buy books about it. It is going to make you focus on what YOU feel rather than on what you think your ex thinks about you. You know, I'm still young but I learnt during my few years on this planet that life is completely unpredictable, maybe she'll come back crawling at your feet one day, maybe not, anything is actually possible. However, what is predictable is the way you learn how to handle those painful feelings, and by knowing yourself better you'll understand that whatever happens with her in the future, you'll be a more aware and confident person.

It's why I can understand what you say about the relationship possibly starting over. I think you should go on with your life without the aim of getting back with her in your mind. If at some point, you feel like your mental state improved and that you're still in love with her, and that you cross her path, then you will have the choice to get back with her. But keeping her as your only horizon, as the only person or thing making you happy is in fact going to fuck up your life even more as you will live in the past and won't be able to see the potential life has to offer.

Take your time man, stuff like that is incredibly hard to handle but in the end you'll be happy to feel free to do stuff for yourself and not for her. I guess that's a problem a lot of "overly kind" people have : willing to give up anything for the loved one, even when it's going to hurt themselves in the end. You can share your feelings and your pain with a professional (it's great that you're currently doing therapy) but he can't do the job for you, he's only there to show you the right path. I'm glad if those words help you anyway, I went through a very similar experience and that is why I felt I had to answer to your post :)
 
1. Be yourself! A faker can be spotted from a mile away.
2. If you start to lose interest, be honest about it! We aren't there to waste our time either.
3. The deeper you fall, the less rational you become. Do not let this cloud your judgement! Drinks at 5AM during finals week are never a good idea. (Take it from me.)
4. Don't be afraid. The worst thing you could do would be to not say anything at all. Don't stare from afar the entire time :)
5. Don't get cocky. This is pretty much a given.
6. A little goes a long way. Smile at them. Appreciate the small things they do. Take them to places that you would normally overlook. So what if that food truck is a little odd looking? Maybe it'll be a hilarious story to tell your family.
7. Go slow. Don't rush into something that neither of you are prepared for. Give yourselves space to breathe, think, and more importantly; feel.
8. Know when to take a break. If things seem tense or awkward, try getting up for a quick breather. Come back with a new, happier attitude. It's always something I love to see in a guy. The less you dwell on something, the easier it gets!
9. Why are you nervous? Ask yourself this. Is it because they're the only person you want to have beside you? Is it because you find them to be the most radiant person in the room? Write it down and give it to them later. They'll love it. (I did this to my boyfriend of 5 years on our anniversary)
10. Finally, know that it's okay to be rejected. While it may hurt at the moment, all wounds heal with time.

Best of luck to you,
Jaden :heart:
Beautiful comment, I recommend this too !
 

Silver_Lucario42

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ok lgi

so for the most part my social interactions irl have been limited to other boys. however a couple of years ago i sat next to this girl in a class. she was really nice and pretty smart too, and we talked a lot over the course of the year. nothing really came out of it but she still smiles and waves at me when we see each other in the halls.

so i've started to like her more, and besides that she really feels like the only girl i have the courage to talk to (as you might have guessed i'm not very good at this stuff). i have considered telling her about my feelings for her but i haven't really thought of the best way to do that yet.

see, the thing is that i haven't had much of an opportunity to talk to her. i usually only see her in the short time between classes and when she's with her friends. additionally, i don't really know the best way to say what i'm trying to say. should i just say it directly or what? that's why i want to know the best course of action for this situation. thanks.
 
ok lgi

so for the most part my social interactions irl have been limited to other boys. however a couple of years ago i sat next to this girl in a class. she was really nice and pretty smart too, and we talked a lot over the course of the year. nothing really came out of it but she still smiles and waves at me when we see each other in the halls.

so i've started to like her more, and besides that she really feels like the only girl i have the courage to talk to (as you might have guessed i'm not very good at this stuff). i have considered telling her about my feelings for her but i haven't really thought of the best way to do that yet.

see, the thing is that i haven't had much of an opportunity to talk to her. i usually only see her in the short time between classes and when she's with her friends. additionally, i don't really know the best way to say what i'm trying to say. should i just say it directly or what? that's why i want to know the best course of action for this situation. thanks.
Well you can try to invite her somewhere to share more time with her, basicly I meant a date with her. I know that easier to write but if you have feeling for take your courage and ask her!

P.S: try to give me some updates about that if you want of course!
 

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