Serious Falling In Love

#51
Regarding viperGTS's situation, my gut instinct is to say that this other guy may be a longtime friend that she almost-but-not-quite dated or dated for an extremely short period of time before they went back to being friends. The reason I say this with pseudo-confidence is that my previous relationship prior to this one was very much that (yes i have a bad habit of dating my friends shut up), and it CAN be kind of hard/awkward to explain over text message. If it's anything like my situation, she may feel guilty that she's still hanging out with this person who from your point of view could be considered an ex, but who she may not see as such, and thus would prefer to explain it to you in person.

Try not to let this whole situation keep you down. I can see why this would make you nervous but you're going to have a much better time if you can relax and be at ease with yourself.
Ah, I see. Well, that gives me a little hope. I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that we'll probably stay friends. I do plan on asking her on a date soon, but I'm ready to be told that she doesn't see me that way.

I'm also working on being at ease, I'm pretty much there now! lol.
 
#52
I have a bit of a different situation from what everyone else in this thread has been discussing - I actually feel no romantic attractions at all and all of my crushes are purely sexual. I consider myself much more capable of socializing than I was back in high school (when I was barely capable of talking to either sex) but I am also much more aware of my complete lack of romantic attractions. Basically, back in high school, and even as recently as 2014, I honestly thought the only thing separating a friendship from a relationship was sex, but eventually I realized that what I saw as a relationship other people saw as friends with benefits, and that what I thought was love was actually lust.

This brings me to an issue I have, and how I feel my situation ties into the idea of love/romance. There's this trend I've noticed in that people have this tendency to view romance and sex as being mutually inclusive, i.e. you can't have one without the other. I've noticed this with the few people I've told my situation to, and honestly, it seems like they'd rather I lie and say I do feel romantic attractions than be honest and say I'm aromantic, and honestly, judging by their opinions and the fact that pretending to be someone you're not won't get you anywhere, it seems like I'm fucked no matter what I do. I'm totally fine with getting all or nearly all of my sexual satisfaction from hookup apps like Tinder and Grindr, but I just can't stop feeling this pressure from society to feel something I don't feel. I don't even think this is exclusive to a situation like mine (aromantic but not asexual); the same thing applies to people who are asexual but not aromantic and people whose sexual and romantic attractions are opposite or some other atypical combination (I have a friend who is bisexual leaning strongly towards the same sex, but heteroromantic.)
 
#53
I never had a serious relationship. I've got few really bad episodes when I felt in love but girl didn't love me back. After that I hardly feel like "falling in love" again in spite of fact that my last failure happen year ago. It's not even like I'm afraid of talking to girls or I never get a "date" of any sort. Nowadays I always struggle to make any progress in relationship. Sure, we have been in cinema, we had nice talk or nice coffee but after that I have problem with making "next step". Maybe my previous, painful experience broke me in some way, maybe that I am quite unusual man and that's working against me. I don't really know I just have no success at all.

It's not like I'm ugly because I can see girls enjoying my look or one my friends (unfortunately that one who has boyfriend) told me once that she don't understand how I don't have girlfriend. I'm 18 years old and I had some success in my life. I achieved 68# of my country most important economic competition and there are some people claiming that I'm "very intelligent". I easily talk to people and usually makes a of jokes. However I know that I'm different than most of people. And I struggle to accomplish something like realationship.
 

Stallion

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#54
I never had a serious relationship. I've got few really bad episodes when I felt in love but girl didn't love me back. After that I hardly feel like "falling in love" again in spite of fact that my last failure happen year ago. It's not even like I'm afraid of talking to girls or I never get a "date" of any sort. Nowadays I always struggle to make any progress in relationship. Sure, we have been in cinema, we had nice talk or nice coffee but after that I have problem with making "next step". Maybe my previous, painful experience broke me in some way, maybe that I am quite unusual man and that's working against me. I don't really know I just have no success at all.

It's not like I'm ugly because I can see girls enjoying my look or one my friends (unfortunately that one who has boyfriend) told me once that she don't understand how I don't have girlfriend. I'm 18 years old and I had some success in my life. I achieved 68# of my country most important economic competition and there are some people claiming that I'm "very intelligent". I easily talk to people and usually makes a of jokes. However I know that I'm different than most of people. And I struggle to accomplish something like realationship.
Having "paper qualifications" means nothing. Ok so you're incredibly smart and somewhat good looking. So? Does this mean that you expect girls to see what a catch you are automatically? Cause it's not going to happen. Confidence is the #1 thing. Why do you think some douchebags who aren't as well rounded as you manage to get into relationships and you don't? Your post makes you come across as insecure in yourself and girls can sniff that shit out a mile away. You can be the funniest guy in the world, but if you don't have the confidence to make it clear to a girl that you're interested (sometimes you can even straight up say it), you'll be nothing more than that "funny friend" or that shoulder for her to cry on. At worst, she'll respect the hell out of you for the balls to put your feelings out there - as long as you're respectful in how you do it and you're not misogynistic, rude or sleazy. Lastly, it's a numbers game. Sometimes, you can do everything right but a girl just simply isn't attracted to you (physically or otherwise). Move on and keep putting yourself out there, eventually there will be someone where there's a mutual physical and emotional attraction, and then it's game on!
 
#55
Having "paper qualifications" means nothing. Ok so you're incredibly smart and somewhat good looking. So? Does this mean that you expect girls to see what a catch you are automatically? Cause it's not going to happen. Confidence is the #1 thing. Why do you think some douchebags who aren't as well rounded as you manage to get into relationships and you don't? Your post makes you come across as insecure in yourself and girls can sniff that shit out a mile away. You can be the funniest guy in the world, but if you don't have the confidence to make it clear to a girl that you're interested (sometimes you can even straight up say it), you'll be nothing more than that "funny friend" or that shoulder for her to cry on. At worst, she'll respect the hell out of you for the balls to put your feelings out there - as long as you're respectful in how you do it and you're not misogynistic, rude or sleazy. Lastly, it's a numbers game. Sometimes, you can do everything right but a girl just simply isn't attracted to you (physically or otherwise). Move on and keep putting yourself out there, eventually there will be someone where there's a mutual physical and emotional attraction, and then it's game on!
Got damn, this post inspired me (not being sarcastic lmao)
 
#57
I have a grand total of 0 qualifications to give advise here, but imo the most important part of talking to the opposite sex is that they're people.

Image you're dropped into a room full of people you don't know. You look around and it's a fairly even mix of males and females, some in groups, some on their own. There's this one really cute person of the opposite sex (let's say girl, for the purposes of this example). You feel a bit intimidated by her, and decide to takl to one of the stranded guys instead. You walk over, make a comment about his shirt, and somehow manage to start talking about video games.

That girl you didn't want to talk to? She's in exactly the same boat as the guy you actually did talk to. Maybe the topic isn't video games, maybe you don't mention her shirt but something else. The point is, if you just wander over to someone and start talking to them, pretty much everyone will talk back, regardless of sex, age, interest, whatever.

Unless they're what my aunt calls 'plumbers', from an unfortunate incident she had at a wedding where she literally knew no one and the person she was sitting next to didn't talk once the entire time.
 

Max. Optimizer

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#58
Well, I wouldn't say that I am an expert for these kind of matters, but the following pieces of advice still make sense to me:
  • Be yourself. Don't forcefully try to be someone that you're clearly not. Once she sees through your disguise, you might come across as untrustworthy.
  • Try to avoid coming across as a desperate creep that is only after sex as much as possible. Treat her as a human being, not a piece of meat.
  • Furthermore, don't pressure her since you will come across as desperate again. Don't rush things, feel free to take your time.
  • "No" means "No". Don't try to change her opinion or in the worst scenario possible do not, under any circumstances, beg after being rejected.
  • Show genuine interest in her hobbies and other interests. This might be able to break the ice between you and let you forget your shyness in the process.
  • Try not to be boring. Show her that both your life and hobbies are versatile.
  • Try finding a healthy balance during conversations. Don't dominate the conversation, but don't let her do all the talking either.
  • Try avoiding coming across as an arrogantsmart ass who knows everything better. Stay humble and acknowledge mistakes. Nobody's perfect after all.
  • Prove to her that your life doesn't only revolve around her. Show her that you don't depend on her, but that you have other commitments, for example: studies, work etc.
In summation: try giving her as many reasons as possible as to why she should choose specifically "You", as opposed to the other guys around.

I hope you found my pieces of advice helpful.
I wish you the best of luck.
 
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Stallion

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#59
Here's my story.

This took place when i was 16. About 2 years ago. A girl named Ashley was the one i fell for. I knew her since middle school. So like 3ish years. We had classes together every year, which was great. I've always liked her and my friend's knew it, but i'd never admit this to them. It was embarrassing mostly because i'm not the GREATEST lookin dude there is, and a girl like her just seemed to be out of my league. We always ended up talking to each other in class and even after school for this poetry club i joined, knowing she joined it. Spending time with her meant everything to me. Although it didnt feel that way to me. Ashley would always tell me about how she liked some other guy. It really did break my heart knowing that she liked someone else, but i played it off and supported her. I knew the dude. We played soccer together. He said that he didnt like her b/c "she didnt have the body of a woman." Me being the stubborn douchebag i am couldnt let this slide. I basically told the dude off. It's not something i'd normally do, but i hate someone who talks another person down, and she was the girl that i had feelings for. Her friend knew about this little argument. I didnt really care at the moment, but when Ashley came to me asking if i did this for her, i said yeah. All she did was smile and thanked me. I'm guessing by this point she had feelings for me too. I didnt know this at the time, because i took it as a friendly gesture. I remember staying up at night just thinking about her. I was definitely in love. I never had a girlfriend before at the time. I never had the confidence to tell her this, but i did like her a lot. Her best friend would always joke around with us, saying that she liked me, but Ashley always seemed sure that she didnt have feelings. Eventually it was obvious to everyone that we liked each other. A few weeks passed and we still heard people saying we should just go out. I still wasnt sure if Ashley even liked me! Her bestfriend said this to us in class when us 3 and my best friend were in a group. Our best friends brought up us liking each other and all we did was instantly look at each other and turned red. That day was the last time that i've ever seen ash again. Due to some unfortunate decisions from my mom, we had to move. It was an immediate thing, we left without warning. My friends had no idea what happened to me until i created a facebook. I couldnt stop thinking about Ashley. She messaged me within a day of me sendin the friend request. We chatted, i told her what had happened...
I cried that night knowing i'd prolly never see her again. That night she messaged me telling me how she liked me a lot and wished that she had the confidence to ask me out. I felt like a huge pussy for not asking her out. I'm the man here. After that we never talked to each other again. Until very recently...

Like 2ish years passed
Yes, the day before Valentine's day she messaged me on fb, telling me about the school i was supposed to graduate from with her, catching up. It was a great feeling. We exchanged numbers and it so happens that she lives about 20 minutes away! We're gonna go on a date or "Meet Up" next weekend to go and see the deadpool movie. I'm so excited and i feel blessed knowing that i was given another chance to be with the girl i've always loved.

Please wish me luck!
The only advice i have is to take a chances. The worst that can happen is being rejected. Ik it sucks being rejected, bur it's better than never taking a chance in the first place. Be confident in yourself.

This was a little scary to talk about, but i feel that it's worth it in the end, sharing my story.

Ps: i was high af and sleepy making this. Probs alot of fucked up grammar.
Yes yes yes to the bold part! I kept making that mistake over and over again in high school. As I said in my post above, confidence and having the stones to ask puts you ahead of 90% of guys out there right off the bat. Let us know how your movie date goes, I'm keen to hear all about it!
 
#60
I'm not quiet, but definitely awkward. I just learned to stop caring in high school and ended up makig a lot of friends. I didn't really NOT know anybody. I think confidence really comes from just no longer caring. Be yourself. It'll come out sooner or later anyways. Its always worked for me.

Also, don't go dutch on the first date. Or forget your wallet.

Yes yes yes to the bold part! I kept making that mistake over and over again in high school. As I said in my post above, confidence and having the stones to ask puts you ahead of 90% of guys out there right off the bat. Let us know how your movie date goes, I'm keen to hear all about it!
This also happened to me a lot. Resulted in the cliche "one that got away". Unfortunately we recconected about a year and a half ago. Thought she was hitting on me. Turns out she wasn't. And she was married. With a kid. Sigh. Wish I would've been less apathetic in high school.

Also, any job where you do a lot of talkig helps a lot if you're socially reserved or awkward. My first job was MCDonald's. Definitely taught me how to just say fuck it. And take being called a failed abortion. Ahhh night shifts. How suprisingly little I miss thee.
 
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#61
I have a question.
So there's this girl I like. Y'all know the drill. Anyway, she talks tobthis guy a lot, they get along well, he has feelings for her. Everyone else either takes the piss or seems to ship it. Question is: is it wrong that I fantasize about killing this dude?
 
#62
I have a question.
So there's this girl I like. Y'all know the drill. Anyway, she talks tobthis guy a lot, they get along well, he has feelings for her. Everyone else either takes the piss or seems to ship it. Question is: is it wrong that I fantasize about killing this dude?
If its a serious thought you're entertaining, then yes.
 

PenQuin

SAVE YOURSELF
#63
Like 2ish years passed
Yes, the day before Valentine's day she messaged me on fb, telling me about the school i was supposed to graduate from with her, catching up. It was a great feeling. We exchanged numbers and it so happens that she lives about 20 minutes away! We're gonna go on a date or "Meet Up" next weekend to go and see the deadpool movie. I'm so excited and i feel blessed knowing that i was given another chance to be with the girl i've always loved.

Please wish me luck!
It went great, we met up with one of my friend's and his gf. We watched the movie, I drove her home. I even met her dad. I had an amazing time catching up with her n just chillin. I'm sure she'll say yeah if i asked her out again.

And thanks for taking the time to read my "Love story"
 

Max. Optimizer

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#64
It went great, we met up with one of my friend's and his gf. We watched the movie, I drove her home. I even met her dad. I had an amazing time catching up with her n just chillin. I'm sure she'll say yeah if i asked her out again.

And thanks for taking the time to read my "Love story"
I'm glad to read that you managed to make a first important step into the right direction.
I wish you the best of luck for your future dates, take care.
 
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jumpluff

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#65
It went great, we met up with one of my friend's and his gf. We watched the movie, I drove her home. I even met her dad. I had an amazing time catching up with her n just chillin. I'm sure she'll say yeah if i asked her out again.

And thanks for taking the time to read my "Love story"
definitely get on that -- no need to play hard to get here! hopefully you can go on a solo date next time if that's what you're looking for :) glad everything went well, sounds like you picked up where you left off
 
#66
I have a question.
So there's this girl I like. Y'all know the drill. Anyway, she talks tobthis guy a lot, they get along well, he has feelings for her. Everyone else either takes the piss or seems to ship it. Question is: is it wrong that I fantasize about killing this dude?
I've been there. There was this girl that shared a college class with me that I already found attractive, but upon here mentioning that she loved science fiction, I wanted to come over and say, "so do I! Wanna ever get together, and I don't know, talk about our favorite shows?".
Only one small niggle: there was this other guy she hung out with in class who liked her, and the feeling was mutual (she patted his hand for example), so I saw talking with her, flirting, or otherwise hitting on her in any way, shape, or fashion as not only pointless, but dishonorable, and could possibly offend her friend. So I just had to assume that it just wasn't meant to be.

There was also this girl who I found to be very attractive, who came up to me at the end of the college semester who outright said she thought I was sexy. I would have outright asked her out if not for overhearing her saying that she was "already spoken for", and so could only manage to say "thanks" (and I imagine my face must've been red too!).

Maybe the first was karma paying me back for never returning the feelings that this one girl obviously had for me (but I didn't find her to be all that attractive, so I just played the oblivious card).
 

Stratos

Banned deucer.
#67
I've been there. There was this girl that shared a college class with me that I already found attractive, but upon here mentioning that she loved science fiction, I wanted to come over and say, "so do I! Wanna ever get together, and I don't know, talk about our favorite shows?".
Only one small niggle: there was this other guy she hung out with in class who liked her, and the feeling was mutual (she patted his hand for example), so I saw talking with her, flirting, or otherwise hitting on her in any way, shape, or fashion as not only pointless, but dishonorable, and could possibly offend her friend. So I just had to assume that it just wasn't meant to be.

There was also this girl who I found to be very attractive, who came up to me at the end of the college semester who outright said she thought I was sexy. I would have outright asked her out if not for overhearing her saying that she was "already spoken for", and so could only manage to say "thanks" (and I imagine my face must've been red too!).

Maybe the first was karma paying me back for never returning the feelings that this one girl obviously had for me (but I didn't find her to be all that attractive, so I just played the oblivious card).
This story reminds me of an experience of my own. On one of my very last days as a teenager, as I was sitting at my usual place at the food court outside Domino’s, I saw a sight that shattered my heart to pieces. A tall, blonde, jock-type guy walked into one of the restaurants, and at his side was one of the sexiest girls I had ever seen. She too was tall and blonde. They were both taller than me, and they kissed each other passionately. They made me feel so inferior and worthless and small. I glared at them with intense hatred as I sat by myself in my lonely misery. I could never have a girl like that. The sight was burned into my memory, and it caused a scar that will haunt me forever. When they walked away, I followed them in my car for a few minutes, and when they entered a less inhabited area I opened my window and splashed my iced tea all over them. It was all I could do at the time, but at least it was something. At least I made some effort to fight back against the injustice. I felt sick with hatred that night. The hatred boiled inside me with burning vitriol.
 
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Max. Optimizer

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#68
When they walked away, I followed them in my car for a few minutes, and when they entered a less inhabited area I opened my window and splashed my iced tea all over them. It was all I could do at the time, but at least it was something. At least I made some effort to fight back against the injustice. I felt sick with hatred that night. The hatred boiled inside me with burning vitriol.
This has got to be, hands down, one of the best things I've read in quite a while now.
I salute you.


After having been filled in with the actual context related to this piece of text, I'd like to retract my previous statement. Thank you.
 
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Max. Optimizer

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#73
From the manifesto of the killing psycho elliot rodger
Yikes, that went dark really fast.
I'm sorry, I had never heard or read that before.
I just imagined that someone splashing iced tea on someone might be from a silly movie or something, I don't know.

Disclaimer: I absolutely dissociate myself 100% from sick people like this of course.
 
#75
This story reminds me of an experience of my own. On one of my very last days as a teenager, as I was sitting at my usual place at the food court outside Domino’s, I saw a sight that shattered my heart to pieces. A tall, blonde, jock-type guy walked into one of the restaurants, and at his side was one of the sexiest girls I had ever seen. She too was tall and blonde. They were both taller than me, and they kissed each other passionately. They made me feel so inferior and worthless and small. I glared at them with intense hatred as I sat by myself in my lonely misery. I could never have a girl like that. The sight was burned into my memory, and it caused a scar that will haunt me forever. When they walked away, I followed them in my car for a few minutes, and when they entered a less inhabited area I opened my window and splashed my iced tea all over them. It was all I could do at the time, but at least it was something. At least I made some effort to fight back against the injustice. I felt sick with hatred that night. The hatred boiled inside me with burning vitriol.
That actually reminds me of when I saw a girl who I liked in high school walking with someone (obviously her boyfriend) while my parents and I were out for pizza. I always said hi to her and class, and she even gave me her phone number, which remains in my phone to this very day. I once worked up the courage to ask her out, but she said that she was babysitting, and the fact that she didn't say when she'd be free meant that she was just way to nice to reject me outright, and she's remained in the back of my mind to this day. I remained in the restaurant with my parents, not wanting to confirm if it was her, or someone else, or otherwise make an issue out of it.

Wow, remind me not to ever piss you off. And may karma have mercy on your soul, because for all you know, Mister Jock Blond was the type of guy who liked to yell and hit things when he didn't get his way, and the his ex went out looking for someone gentler. Guess we'll never know, but as much as I find it hilarious and understandable, I also find the lack of self restraint to be disturbing, so I can only imagine how women would find it.
 

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